I Like to Keep My Fur On!

I have received another letter from my pal, the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) asking for my advice on the latest scandal involving the publishing of photos of Kate topless. For those don't know what topless means, that means that she doesn't have any shirt on--not that she is bald. I know the word can be confusing which is why my readers can always turn to a dog to explain it to them. Personally, I don't care anything about the photos, but a lot of the humans will want to see them. My advice for the royal family in the future is "don't sunbathe topless" if you don't want photos to be published. You would think that after all these years in the public eye, that the royals would know that by now that photographers love to take photos like that of celebrities. Sure, it is a shame that they can't have privacy, but it is part of the price of being a celebrity. This is why this dog does not sunbathe topless. The photographers would love to get my photo since I am such a celebrity dog blogger. However, I have enough sense to keep my fur on. I hope the royals take my advice because it seems like it is becoming an everyday thing for photos of them naked to be published, and I am getting tired of hearing about it. I hope the Queen Lady can get her grandchildren to learn to wear their clothes. At least there aren't any naked scandals involving the royal dogs. This is because we dogs are smart enough to keep our fur on!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Fur)

I Need My Own Office

I have decided that I need my own desk and computer since I write a blog everyday. In fact, I think I should have an office of my own. Why do the humans think that a dog does not need his own office? What would the humans do without my words of wisdom to help them through the day? I am a celebrity dog, and as such, I think I deserve special things like an office. It is hard work telling the humans what to do. I had to start training my own humans when I was just a wee puppy. If I had not started their training early, they would not have learned to do what I tell them to do. This is a big problem for dogs. Instead of the humans doing tricks, some of the badly trained humans have their dogs doing tricks which is just wrong. Dogs are not supposed to do what the humans tell them to do, but it is the other way around. Even cats know that you don't do what the humans tell you to do, and they are CATS!!! If cats understand this concept, then you would think the humans could understand, but the sad fact is that humans are even dumber than cats! Anyway, I need my own office so that I can continue to write my blog, and not have to share a desk and a computer with the humans in this house. I still don't know why my humans think they have anything useful to do on the computer anyway!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want My Own Office)

Christmas for a Celebrity Dog

For those of you who are wondering what Christmas is like for a celebrity dog, I am going to tell you about my holiday. I got up earlier than usual since it was Christmas and a dog has gifts under the tree to open. I was up at 11:00 am which is early for this dog. At noon, nothing was going on because the humans were waiting for my brother to get here. This was not acceptable because there were gifts under the tree with my name on them. Seriously, the to: said Demon Flash Bandit. Anyway, my patience with the humans ran out, I yelled Christmas. For those of you who doubt that I said Christmas, then you have not lived around Siberian huskies. We can talk human if we want to. Then I got under the tree and started helping myself to all the gifts. I might add that both Angel Zoom Smokey and myself had not bothered the tree up until this point because we are both good dogs, and the tree is artificial so the branches on it aren't really sticks which makes bothering them a lot less fun than if it were a real tree. Anyway, I got dingo bones, medium and large rawhide bones, beggin strips, and toys. We got lots of great stuff from Santa Paws not to mention all the gifts we received earlier from some of our doggy pals-like bones from Coco Rose and Puff and Zukes jerky from our pal, Raja. We just didn't wait for Christmas to eat those treats! Evidently, Angel Zoom Smokey's plan to deernap Rudolph worked better than I expected. I admit--I was a bit worried, but Angel Zoom Smokey was right this time! Santa Paws was much more generous to get his red nosed reindeer back! Our humans had a nice Christmas too. I hope everyone reading this had a nice holiday, and I hope everyone has a happy and prosperous New Year!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Christmas)

Ben and Jerry Should Make a Demon Flash Bandit Celebrity Flavor!

Today's blog is about ice cream. It is cold, it is creamy, it is sweet and it is delicious. I enjoy having it everyday, and if I could have it more often, I would. I sometimes watch Steven Colbert on television and that other show with Jimmy Fallon, and they have their own ice cream flavors as do other celebrities. Ben and Jerry make special celebrity flavors so I only have one question? Why no Demon Flash Bandit flavor? I'm a world famous dog blogger. Doesn't a celebrity dog rate a flavor? I'm not sure if bacon flavor ice cream would taste good, but there are lots of flavors us dogs love. I love peanut butter, carob, cashews, caramel, and many other things that would taste super good in ice cream. I'm thinking caramel waffle flavor or maple syrup waffle flavor would make most of us dogs happy. By the way, I won't even eat Frosty Paws. I tasted human ice cream as a puppy, and the doggy ice cream does not measure up to my standards. Anyway, I think it would be a great marketing idea for Ben and Jerry to make a special flavor that both humans and dogs would enjoy. Don't tell them that I will eat their regular vanilla flavor--they don't need to know that. I want my own Demon Flash Bandit flavor ice cream, and I think all my readers should contact Ben and Jerry and tell them that I need a flavor of my own. I'd even be happy with milkbone flavor ice cream. It would have 2 of my treats put into one treat which means I can eat more of it. As I said yesterday, I didn't get the genius award for nothing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants My Own Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Flavor)

President Should be a Dog!

I always enjoy sharing my celebrity letters with my readers. Today's letter is from Sarah Palin. She also sent me the above "resume" for President of the United States. I know I'm a world famous blogger, but I'm not really sure why she sent me the resume. It isn't like I am the one who chooses who will run for President. I don't even think you need a resume for the job.

Anyway, as you can see, the resume is a picture of Sarah Palin in red and a dinosaur in blue. I would share the meaning with my readers, but I haven't got a clue as to the meaning of the drawing. I would venture to guess that Sarah Palin probably has no idea what it means either.

She sent me a letter along with the resume which I will now share with my readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

I am writing you because I'm from Alaska and you are a gee golly snow dog. I think I would make a good President because I am a gee golly hockey mom. Hockey is one of the most gee golly nicest sports on the planet. All the players are so gee golly polite to each other as they are knocking each other's teeth out. I promise to keep the job as President for gee golly 6 months before I resign to do a television show, "Let's Shoot and Kill Animals".

I'm sure you will want me to be President, Demon Flash Bandit, because I can gee golly see Russia from my house and you are a gee golly Siberian Husky. WINK!!! WINK!!!

Love, Sarah Palin

In case you are wondering, no she will not get this dog's vote. I was not impressed with her resume.
Demon Flash Bandit (A Dog Should be President)

There's No Need to Fear: UNDERDOG is Here!

It is hot here today, and this dog is not pleased. I plan to have Mother Nature relieved of her duties since she is obviously senile and no longer able to properly do her job.

As you know, I am always getting letters from my celebrity friends, and I like to share them with my readers. Today I have one from a true VIP (Very Important Puppy). Yes, you guessed it, the letter is from Underdog.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I want you to know that your friendship means so much to me. When a dog like myself has to spend much of the day fighting evil-doers, it is good to be able to relax and think about my pals at the end of the day. Remember Demon Flash Bandit, there's no need to fear.....Underdog is here. Say hello to Angel Zoom Smokey for me.

Love, Underdog

I am so lucky to know wo many celebrities.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)