Turkeys Don't Deserve a Pardon!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the United States, and I have to say that even though my family will be eating our tradtitional Thanksgiving pizza, I am glad that many families will be eating turkey. Turkeys are birds, and this dog hates birds! Therefore, Thanksgiving is a holiday that is dedicated to killing our feathered enemies. Yes, when you take a bite out of that turkey, you can think about all the birds who left their "bird bombs" on your possessions or even your person. They go around dropping those bombs wherever they please like they own the planet. I might add that 2 turkeys get a Presidential pardon every year. Where do those birds get to live? Disneyland...yeah, they get to live out their lives having fun yet dogs aren't allowed into Disneyland. This is what happens when you have an entertainment complex run by a mouse. He does allow Goofy and Pluto, but of course, they are working at the park. It isn't like they can sit back and enjoy themselves like those pardoned turkeys. It does not seem fair to this dog, but as all of us know, life is not fair. I do promise that if I am elected President, I will not pardon any turkeys at Thanksgiving. There is no way I could let a bird go free. It is against my instincts as a dog to do so. Besides, if they were not guilty of being turkeys, they would not need a pardon. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Pardoning Turkeys)

My New Invention

I have an important announcement to make. When children go to Disney World or Disneyland, they can buy Mickey Mouse hats that have the mouse ears so that they can look like Mickey. My new invention is a small satellite that fits inside the ears of the hat so that a dog can pick up satellite television from the hats and it is free. This is why the fashion industry needs to make these hats an accessory that is a must have so that a dog can get free satellite television from the hats of the humans around him. It is necessary for others to wear the hat because if I had to buy my own hat, it would interfere with the concept of "free". Besides, I don't want to walk around looking silly--that is the humans' job. Once all the humans start wearing the hat and all the hats have my new invention installed in them, a dog can pick up free television anywhere he goes. Yes, I am so excited about my new invention. Now I will never miss my television programs again.

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)