Endorsement for Demon Flash Bandit for President

Tropical Storm Isaac is headed for Florida, and it is disrupting plans for the Republican convention there. This brings me to the major point of my blog. God is in charge of storms like that, and he is obviously endorsing me, Demon Flash Bandit, as the candidate that should get the votes. Normally, I would not assume this, but it seems like everytime a storm hits anywhere, the Republicans always say that God is punishing this group or that group so I guess this time he is annoyed at them. Personally, I have never believed any of that, but it is their logic I'm using and maybe they know what they are talking about since he is after them too. I think God knows a dog would do a much better job of running the country. The humans have been running the world for a long time and dog knows, they don't do a very good job of it overall. How would things be done differently with me in office. I'll give you a few examples:

1. Dogs would be allowed to go into any store in which they choose to shop. Sure, we can go in most pet stores, but we like to shop at other stores too.

2. Companies that manufacture tainted dog food would face criminal charges.

3. Humans could declare their dogs and cats as dependents on their income tax (and they would have to prove that their dogs aren't eating dog food-we dogs prefer human food).

4. Dogs should be given the royal treatment. After all, we are dogs!

These are just a few of the changes I would make. Be sure and vote for Demon Flash Bandit on election day. I am not only the best candidate, but I have God's endorsement!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Deserve the Votes)

I'm Not a Grouch, But If I Were, it Would be Justified

The humans have insinuated that I am grouchy today. In fact, they haven't just insinuated it, they have actually come right out and said it to me. I feel that my grouchiness is justified (kind of like the television program, Justified, where the leading character gets to kill someone in every expisode, but the killing is justified so it is okay). Most of my grouchiness is directed at Angel Zoom Smokey, and if you had to live with her, you would be grouchy too. She is always eating my food, taking my toys, sleeping where I want to sleep and breathing my air. I think the humans have spoiled her by letting her think that she is supposed to get food and toys just like me, but I have told her repeatedly that all food and toys in the house are MINE, MINE, MINE!!! You would think that she would understand that I run things around here--not the silly humans. Anyway, they have even referred to me as Oscar like Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street. I don't think this is a fair reference since Angel Zoom Smokey is the problem. I might add that Oscar is wrong to be grouchy. He gets to live in a garbage can with the garbage. He should be the happiest creature on Earth. Any dog would be proud to hang out in a garbage can! In fact, in one episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Frank and Charlie were hanging out in dumpsters because they found so many treasures in them so even some of the humans appreciate garbage.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Grouch)

Bones: The Pawfect Gift!

Yesterday I discussed Christmas gifts for the dogs on your list--which in my opinion, should be the only ones on your list. However, there are a few gifts that dogs do not want and are not appreciated so make sure that the dog on your list does not get any of these gifts. Vacuum cleaners are the first thing that you do not get for a dog. I have yet to meet a dog who likes vacuum cleaners. If you happen to have food that drops on the floor, the dog will probably be willing to clean it for you. It is isn't food, who cares? It can stay until you move to another house. I have discussed this with many dogs and that is the general consensus among us dogs!

Another gift that you should never give a dog is soap or shampoo. Few of us like baths, and if we live with humans who give us baths, the humans will pay for such things so why waste a gift getting something like that? Besides, most of us dogs hate baths, and would prefer to be left alone.

Remember, dogs love bones. It is always a safe choice for any dog on your list!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Doesn't Like Cleaning Products)

No Need to Work for Food--The Humans Give it to Me Free

There is a reality show which I don't watch that I am always hearing about. That show is Extreme Couponing. This dog has better things to do with my time than to sit around clipping coupons. However, I have to admit that when I learned that a dog can save money by using said coupons, I had to give it some thought. My thought is that I am not going to worry about the cost of food because my humans are supposed to do that. I will just sit back and nap and wait for them to give me food. I don't care how many coupons you use, you aren't going to get your food free, and still nap and not have to do any work. I think us dogs have a better system than those humans with their extreme couponing. Of course, it does require some cuteness and that is hard for the humans to pull off..it comes naturally to us dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (No Need To Use Coupons)

The Most Comfortable Seat Saved for the Dog!

I have run across yet another brilliant and practical must-have item for dogs which I will share in today's blog. That item is a seat saver. Yes, fake spilled food that you can put on a seat to "save" it for you so that no one takes it when you have to leave for a few minutes. This is such a genius idea that I would love to meet the dog who invented it. You know how the humans think they should get the most comfortable seats and leave the dogs the least comfortable ones or the dog has to sit on the floor? With this new product, a dog can put the item on the seat of his choice, and come back whenever he wants to because the humans will avoid sitting on a seat that has ice cream, etc. spilled all over it. Thus, when the dog returns to the seat, he can move the fake food, and he has the best chair in the place. I'm sure the humans could use it too, but why tell them about it? I think if dogs keep the secret, the humans will never know because they aren't the brightest tools in the shed. Yes, a dog can go out in public, pick out a seat, save it with a seat saver, go the the concession stand to get some food, and come back to the same comfortable seat he chose before he left to get some treats. For those dogs who want to order this product, the address is:
http://www.geekosystem.com/?s=seat+savers
This is a product that all dogs will want to own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Product for Saving Seats)

Han Solo Ice Trays

For those of you who are Star Wars fans, I have a product to share with you that is not only fun, but also practical. That item is a Han Solo ice tray. Yes, you can now have your drinks cooled with ice that looks like Han Solo frozen in carbonite. For those of you who are interested in this product, it can be found at this website among others:
http://www.geekalerts.com/?s=Han+Solo+ice+tray To see the product, you need to scroll down the page because there are other products listed on the page as well. This would also be a great gift item for the Star Wars fan on a gift list. There will also be a R2D2 ice tray for those who are fans of the little robot. This brings me to an important point. I know if I were buying a novelty ice tray, I would want it to be shaped like dogs--not like Star Wars characters. Perhaps that nice dog that starred in Pirates of the Carribean would make a cool ice cube tray. I know I would want to buy it if it were manufactured. I certainly would prefer dog shaped ice over stupid robot shaped ice.

News from the ComicCon is that there is going to be some new Star Wars toys released soon. I think that the humans who market the Star Wars toys deserve a lot of credit. They have been out for decades and they are still finding new ones to issue. In fact, I've heard some rumors that the action figures have been released for so long that the next group are going to have a nursing home playset and be dressed in hospital gowns. Judging from how long the toys have been marketed, those characters must be at least 100 years old by now. I've heard that the Millenium Falcon no longer goes over 10 miles per hour and the left blinker is usually left on the entire time. I like Han Solo, but he isn't a spring chicken anymore. Speaking of chickens, that is what I plan to have for dinner. I hope my human realizes this fact and gets busy roasting it for me. Otherwise, since it is in the freezer, I will be eating a chickensickle. I had to eat dog food yesterday, and had it not been a Beneful prepared meal, I would have went on a hunger strike.
What human invented dog food anyway? That human should be executed for crimes against dogs.

I hope all my readers are having a nice weekend, and remember, if you go to the website I suggested and place your order, you can watch Han Solo melt as you drink your next beverage.

Demon Flash Bandit (Practical Star Wars Item)

Doggy Bags are a Good Thing

When humans are involved in anything, I expect stupidity--all us dogs do. Many times we find it amusing. However, when I saw an article on WalletPop today that says the "food police" bust chain restaurants for serving too much food, then a dog realizes that some of the humans are not only stupid, but probably insane as well. Yes, many of the humans are too fat. Yes, many of them don't get enough exercise. Yes, some of them have lousy metabolisms, but what agency felt the need to hire the "food police"? No one is forcing the humans to eat at these restaurants, and there are humans who can't eat the whole thing so they take it home and eat the rest of it another day. There are also plenty of humans who ask for a doggy bag and they bring the extra food home to share with us dogs. We dogs love it when the humans bring home food for us, and we don't need some silly food police humans messing up a perfect system. In fact, we dogs know that bringing home food for the dog is called VALUE. A restaurant that charges a small fortune to give you 4 peas and 2 cucumber slices may insure you stay slim, but why pay them so that you can starve? No one is forcing any of the humans to eat at any of the restaurants, and do you really think that if a human likes to eat, they won't eat oversize portions at home? This is why I want to know who is wasting money hiring these food police. When they bust a restaurant, do they actually arrest the owner or do they just yap about how horrible it is that they serve so much food to the other humans on the Internet? This defeats the whole purpose since the humans who like to eat will then remember that restaurant chain so that they can eat there the next time they go out. I think the humans have a real problem with trying to control everyone else. Meanwhile some of the slimmer humans pitching the hissy fits about the overweight humans are doing other unhealthy things themselves. I think the humans can learn many lessons from us dogs. One of them is that as long as a dog has delicious food to eat, he doesn't really care if the neighbor's dog is eating too much or not. He is busy minding his own business, which is something that would benefit the humans greatly. Too many of them are so busy trying to run everyone else's business that they seem to forget that they have problems too. I have a message for you food police humans, dogs have formed a group that is going to go after your hides. Leave the portions alone and get yourself a dog so that you can bring a doggy bag home to him or her. Hang up your badge.....the dogs are taking over.

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Mess With My Doggy Bag)

Thoughts a Dog Contemplates When Resting

Today I am going to share some of my thoughts with my readers so that you can see that, even when a dog is just sitting around, we are thinking of serious issues.

1. If dogs are on a raw diet, is that called Doggy sushi?

2. Are telemarketers humans who sell telephones and/or televisions?

3. Are cell phones meant only for use in prison cells?

4. When a human gets put into the dog house, does the dog who lives in that house get to move into the human's house? This does not apply to dogs like me who already live in the human's house.

5. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop? Okay, I've been known to mention this frequently--can I help it is this dog likes candy?

6. If you eat a bone in the forest when no other dogs are around, will it still taste just as good?

7. At the sled race, Iditarod, in Alaska, why aren't the humans pulling the sled?

8. Why don't the humans put homeless humans in shelters and see if someone will "adopt" them like they do dogs? Wouldn't that solve the homeless problem?

9. Why aren't there more doggy interior decorators since our ideas are so much more interesting than that of human decorators? Have you ever seen a human decorator make paw prints a main motif for a room?

10. If dog food tastes so good and if it is so nutritious, why don't the humans eat it?

11. Why do the humans waste time planting grass and flowers and then get upset when we dogs dig them up? They know that it is what was are going to do, so why not just accept it and make life easier on themselves?

12. Why do humans assume dogs can't spell?

As you can see, I do a lot of thinking when the humans probably think I'm just resting. Most humans just don't understand the superior mental ability of the average dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Serious Thinker)