Demon Flash Bandit: Interior Decorator

I've had a busy day decorating the house so that it looks good. I know I've done a good job because Doghouse Beautiful magazine wants to feature my house on its next cover. I am so proud of myself. For those of you who think it is easy to keep a house looking good, you would be wrong. I had to get up early, go outside, and find some mud puddles. Once my paws were muddy, I was able to give the floors that "a dog lives here" look that is so popular among the humans. Next I knocked over the garbage and scattered it (lovingly) around the house. It is little touches like the scattered garbage that makes the humans feel at home in their houses. I then shredded some kleenex to give it that snowy effect that makes everyone feel like they are on the ski slope. I buried some milkbones in various spots because hunting for milkbone is always a fun activity. I had to go outside again to get more mud on my paws so that I could decorate the walls with paw prints--I don't know if you have heard, but paw prints are a big fashion must this season (and every season if you ask my opinion). I spent the entire day working on the house, but by the time I was done, it was a house that Martha Stewart herself would be proud to call her own. Be sure and pick up a copy of Doghouse Beautiful Magazine's April edition so that you can see for yourself what a wonderful decorator I am.

Demon Flash Bandit (Decorator Demon Flash Bandit)

Thoughts a Dog Contemplates When Resting

Today I am going to share some of my thoughts with my readers so that you can see that, even when a dog is just sitting around, we are thinking of serious issues.

1. If dogs are on a raw diet, is that called Doggy sushi?

2. Are telemarketers humans who sell telephones and/or televisions?

3. Are cell phones meant only for use in prison cells?

4. When a human gets put into the dog house, does the dog who lives in that house get to move into the human's house? This does not apply to dogs like me who already live in the human's house.

5. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop? Okay, I've been known to mention this frequently--can I help it is this dog likes candy?

6. If you eat a bone in the forest when no other dogs are around, will it still taste just as good?

7. At the sled race, Iditarod, in Alaska, why aren't the humans pulling the sled?

8. Why don't the humans put homeless humans in shelters and see if someone will "adopt" them like they do dogs? Wouldn't that solve the homeless problem?

9. Why aren't there more doggy interior decorators since our ideas are so much more interesting than that of human decorators? Have you ever seen a human decorator make paw prints a main motif for a room?

10. If dog food tastes so good and if it is so nutritious, why don't the humans eat it?

11. Why do the humans waste time planting grass and flowers and then get upset when we dogs dig them up? They know that it is what was are going to do, so why not just accept it and make life easier on themselves?

12. Why do humans assume dogs can't spell?

As you can see, I do a lot of thinking when the humans probably think I'm just resting. Most humans just don't understand the superior mental ability of the average dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Serious Thinker)