Demon Flash Bandit: Interior Decorator

I've had a busy day decorating the house so that it looks good. I know I've done a good job because Doghouse Beautiful magazine wants to feature my house on its next cover. I am so proud of myself. For those of you who think it is easy to keep a house looking good, you would be wrong. I had to get up early, go outside, and find some mud puddles. Once my paws were muddy, I was able to give the floors that "a dog lives here" look that is so popular among the humans. Next I knocked over the garbage and scattered it (lovingly) around the house. It is little touches like the scattered garbage that makes the humans feel at home in their houses. I then shredded some kleenex to give it that snowy effect that makes everyone feel like they are on the ski slope. I buried some milkbones in various spots because hunting for milkbone is always a fun activity. I had to go outside again to get more mud on my paws so that I could decorate the walls with paw prints--I don't know if you have heard, but paw prints are a big fashion must this season (and every season if you ask my opinion). I spent the entire day working on the house, but by the time I was done, it was a house that Martha Stewart herself would be proud to call her own. Be sure and pick up a copy of Doghouse Beautiful Magazine's April edition so that you can see for yourself what a wonderful decorator I am.

Demon Flash Bandit (Decorator Demon Flash Bandit)

Just Say No to Sanitized Paw Wipes

Most dogs know that humans have a real problem with setting priorities in their lives. One example that comes to mind can be summed in with one word, sanitizer. Many of the humans are literally obsessed with keeping their paws clean to the point that they actually purchase and carry with them small bottles of sanitizer so that they can clean their hands no matter where they happen to be. As long as the humans amuse themselves with this behavior, none of us dogs really care. However, when they invent paw wipes which they have, it is only a matter of time before they will have sanitized paw wipes, and then they will be trying to wipe a dog's paw every time it touches the floor. Some dogs may not mind, but this dog does not like to have his paws touched, and wiping them is worse than touching them. Don't get me wrong, I have clean paws. I lick them clean all the time which is fun to do. Sometimes you even get a tasty treat if you happen to have stepped on something tasty. A human might wonder, what if a dog steps on something disgusting? P L E A S E....... I have yet to step on anything even remotely disgusting. I think a dog's definition of disgusting and a humans' definition of disgusting would not match. Another reason I hate paw wipes is because of another possible scenario. A dog has decided that the human has horrible taste in decorating a room, and said dog has went to the trouble to get all 4 paws muddy. The dog enters the house with the muddy paws on purpose because they are a decorating tool. Boring carpet, add muddy pawprints. Is furniture a boring shade of white? Muddy pawprints to the rescue. Humans who have paw wipes will be trying to wipe the mud off a dog's paws before that dog even has a chance to improve the place to the point where the home might be a featured home in Doggy Decor Magazine. Thanks humans, once again, you have messed with a dog's plans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Use Sanitizing Wipes on MY Paws)