One of My Dog Friends Has a Website!!!!!

One of my doggy pals is a business dog who owns a webstore that I want to share with my readers. The address is:
http://www.apawfectdog.com/ In fact, it is a great site to visit because there is more to it than just a store. Be sure and stop in and visit. By the way, Destiny has a dog partner named Chance. If you are a dog reading this, I'm sure you would love to try some of the treats. You know that a business is run well when it is owned by a dog. The humans just don't have the dog sense to run a business properly.

I checked over the news today, and I was one angry dog!!! I have written a couple of blogs in the last week explaining how birds have caused all the earthquakes and hurricanes. I stopped by www.msn.com today and discovered that human "scientists" have given reasons for the weather that encompass everything but the real cause which is birds. I don't know whether scientists have been paid off by birds, if the scientists are birds in disguise (I really doubt that birds are smart enough to get by without being caught), or if the scientists are just stupid. Since they are human, it would not surprise me if they are stupid. I want to know what the doggy scientists have to say because I'm sure that they will agree with me and say that birds are at fault. I hope the planet survives because the humans are so easy for the birds to fool!

Demon Flash Bandit (Upset Over "Weather" News)

DNA Testing for Kickapoo Joy Juice

I was watching a funny video from "funny or die" about dog DNA tests. I want to share it with my readers. Here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/29/funny-or-die-dog-dna_n_940457.html
Many of the humans have had their dogs tested with these kits. All I can add about the video is that at least the dog DNA test didn't come back from the laboratory with the conclusion that the dog is a cat. That would be so embarrassing for a dog!

I have decided to share information about a product that can be purchased on amazon.com. In fact, I think you could probably buy a live dinosaur on amazon.com because they seem to have everything that has ever existed! Today's product is Kickapoo Joy Juice, which is a citrus type soft drink for the humans. I have no idea if it tastes good or not, but I love the name which came from the comic strip, Lil Abner. Have a guest over and ask them if they want a bottle of Kickapoo Joy Juice. I would wager that they will either laugh, think you are crazy, or both. I think I'll order one and save it to celebrate the day that birds are completely eradicated from the planet. I know it is an ambitious goal, but a dog can hope!

Demon Flash Bandit (Kickapoo Joy Juice and DNA Tests)

Hurricane Irene Caused by Birds!

After doing extensive research, I have discovered what causes hurricanes. They start in tropical areas--areas that have a lot of birds. The birds get together and flap their wings, thus causing heavy winds. The birds know that most of the humans will never be able to put the two events together--birds flapping wings and hurricanes--far too complicated for the humans. I'm a dog so I used my superior, genius doggy brain to figure out the cause of hurricanes. I knew that the birds must have something to do with hurricane Irene and all other hurricanes, but it even took me a couple of hours to do the research.

I don't think it is a coincidence that one of the articles in the news today is about birds and their link to illness. Here is the address of the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/29/bird-flu-asia-mutant-strain-h5n1_n_940185.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk1%7C90306
Yes, birds are spreading their bird based illness all over China and Vietnam. I hope the humans listen to us dogs about the birds and their evil before it is too late.

Finally, I have another internet site to share with you on the evilness of birds. I think it is written by a human so it gives a dog hope that some of the humans do listen when we tell them about birds. I will warn you that there is some bad language on the site so if that will offend you, don't go to the site. I think the human writing it is only using bad language because the birds have made him or her so mad. Humans often use such language when they are mad. The address is:
http://birdsareevil.com/
This site explains the evolution of birds and why they are so annoying today!

I am hoping that this gets published because I'm quite sure that there is probably a spy network of bird hackers that try to prevent important messages like this from being published.

Demon Flash Bandit (Exposing the Truth About Birds)

Why No Huckleberry Hound Movie?

Since Hollywood loves to remake television shows and movies, this dog is wondering why there is no movie remake of Huckleberry Hound. He was a blue dog who appeared in cartoons in the late 1950s and early 1960s. Yogi got his own movie so you would think that Huckleberry Hound would get the same kind of respect from Hollywood. I liked the Yogi Bear movie. However, humans like dogs more than bears so I think Huckleberry would do equally well at the theatre. He was also a better singer than Yogi Bear. He used to sing Oh My Darling Clementine frequently, but I would not make it a musical because I just don't think Huckleberry Hound would be good as a musical.

I hope that all the people and dogs who were in the path of Hurricane Irene are okay. I think they should rename all hurricanes after birds. They really don't have to change the names, but just put bird in front of it. For example, Irene would be Bird Irene. I suspect that birds probably cause hurricanes just like they cause earthquakes. (I wrote a blog about that a few days ago.) Anyway, I also hope those who have lost electrical power get it returned. How are they supposed to read my blog if there is no power? (Again, the birds do not want the humans reading my blog and warning them about bird treachery.) I hope everyone is having a nice weekend. I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Huckleberry Hound Would Make a Great Movie)

Sharing a Love Letter

I was just watching Jim Carrey's video love letter to Emma Stone, and it made me realize that I should share a love letter I got so that Jim Carrey won't feel so alone in making that video. I sometimes watch an old television show with my Mommy called "The Nanny" which stars Fran Drescher. I like the show because many episodes starred her dog. Sure, some of the humans might say the dog had a cameo, but if a dog walks onstage, that dog has become the star of the show. Anyway, she has a dog named Ester. I have never met Ester, but she must have seen my photo on the Internet because I received this love letter from her.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I know we have never met, but when I saw those gorgeous blue eyes of yours, I knew that I was in love. I think that we would be a perfect match. I can see us together--eating bacon, taking walks, taking over our humans bed, digging in the yard, and looking through the garbage for treasures. Our puppies would be furry and cute, and unlike the human puppies, they would not stay home and mooch off of us for 18-22 years. I know it seems odd that I would write a love letter to a dog I don't know, but I had to tell you how I feel.
Love, Ester

It was quite a compliment to get a letter from a celebrity dog like Ester. I hope she finds happiness, but I think we live too far from each other for it to work out. Ester, you are one cute dog!!! I am going to share the address so you can see Ester for yourself:
http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/06/ok-pets-fran-drescher-has-a-magical-creature/
I think you will agree with me that she is one beautiful dog!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Love Letter)

Make Mine a Diamond Shaped Egg

Astronomers have made the announcement that there is a planet that might be one big diamond. Jewelers are presently making plans to build a spaceship to go and get the diamond. I'm just wondering where they plan to put it because it would be one BIG diamond! I personally was not excited over this news. If they discover a planet made solely of bacon, then I will be interested in going there. Bacon happens to be delicious, but except for the dog I read about in the news yesterday who ate some diamonds, most of us dogs don't think diamonds taste that good. It is amazing just how much the humans will pay for shiny things. I even saw on the news that a jewelry store was robbed by a group of clowns (maybe it was that Joker character from the Batman movie). The joke was on the robbers since the jewelry they stole was fake. I bet when they got it home, they were not happy to find that out. If you want to read the details, here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/25/clowns-steal-fake-jewelry_n_936430.html

I have always refused to eat eggs, but I know a lot of dogs do like them (including Angel Zoom Smokey) so I like to share interesting things I discover while doing research for my blog. Today I found an egg cuber on Amazon.com which allows eggs to be square. I suppose it is to make them easier to eat, but who knows why the humans come up with some of these products? A dog would never waste time inventing a gadget like that since the dog would just eat the egg as is. We don't worry a lot about how the food looks-we are more concerned with taste. Anyway, if you want something that will make eggs square, be sure and go to the this address:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=egg+cuber&x=14&y=12 I think I might order this product and then stick the square egg under a hen. I bet that would be one really freaked out chicken.

Demon Flash Bandit (Diamond Shaped Eggs Would be Cool)

Earthquake Caused By Birds!

An earthquake shook the eastern part of the United States yesterday. I read what the geologists had to say about it. It was a bunch of silly dribble about fault lines which I suspect are called fault lines so the humans will have something on which to blame the earthquake.

Regular Humans:Why did the earthquake happen?
Scientist Human: That line was at fault so we are calling it a "fault line".

It takes a dog to find the real answers which I am going to share in my blog today. The thing that caused the earthquake was the enemy that I am constantly warning about in my blog: BIRDS. Yes, you read correctly. Birds are evil creatures that are trying to take over the planet. Before you say, Demon Flash Bandit, how is this possible, I will explain. There are some species of birds that burrow under the Earth. Among these are puffins, kingfishers, and bee-eaters. These birds got together and decided to stage an all out attack by burrowing together. Thus, they made the Earth move and caused some damage to the Washington Monument in the process. This was a deliberate attack on Washington DC and our memorials. How many times does a dog have to warn the humans about the evil birds before they are eradicated? Some of the humans have some stupid conspriacy ideas to try to explain the earthquakes, but none of them have found the real answer--birds. I hope that this blog wakes the humans up to the treachery of the birds. By the way, if the humans ever listen and decide to eradicate the birds, I hope they will also get rid of their cousins, the fleas. Fleas have no use and should not exist. I've discussed this subject with dogs all over the world and all us dogs hate them. Even the humans aren't fond of them so you know they are really bad. I hope that the birds can be stopped before they take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Evil Birds Cause Earthquake)

Cow Gives Milk Away!

I always try to find interesting topics to write about in my blog. Today I am writing about a news item from Virginia that happened at a Walmart there. A man dressed as a cow managed to steal 26 gallons of milk from Walmart. He crawled out with it, and was giving it away afterward so I guess he must be the "cow version" of Robin Hood. He was apprehended at a nearby McDonalds which seems like an odd place for a cow to choose eat since they are serving cows there-and I'm not talking about serving the cows burgers--the cows are the burgers. I am wondering if he had help. I bet there were some other animals waiting in the parking lot perhaps driving a get away dairy truck. I bet some chickens were involved. They are part of the bird family and I have been warning the humans that birds steal snow which is why there are so many birds in tropical areas. As usual, Walmart has its usual share of odd looking people so I guess no one noticed a cow shopping in the store. You would think that someone would have noticed a cow before he managed to steal 26 gallons of milk. Another thing comes to mind--where was the greeter? Walmart usually has a greeter at the door whose main qualification for the job it to be at least 150 years old. Perhaps the stress of saying hello to everyone was too much for the greeter that day and he or she had to take a break.

In another news story, a Nascar driver, Kyle Busch, has lost his drivers license after being caught going 128 miles per hour in a 45 miles per hour zone. His lawyer feels he was "picked on" because he is a celebrity, but I think a Nascar driver would have more sense than to go that fast in public. Don't they get in enough accidents on the race track? Besides, they let him have a driver's license and I can't get one because I am a dog. That is the real injustice--that dogs are not allowed to have a license to drive.

I hope everyone is having a nice day, and I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Without a Driver's License)

This Dog Needs a Cell Phone Line Myself

I hope all my readers are having a good day. It is a good day for me because once again, I have been chosen as a diary pick on http://www.dogster.com/ .

I bet you have been wondering what I am going to write about today. Today's subject is going to be cell phones, and why don't I have one? Most of the humans have them, and if you ask my opinion (and you are getting it whether you asked for it or not), we dogs have a lot more important things to bark about on the phone than the humans do. I'm surprised that companies like Verizon don't offer a family and family dog plan to get our business. If you think that humans would never get a line for their dog, then you don't know a lot of the humans that I know. I have been barking to my own human about this subject, and so far, I don't have my own line, but I think I'm wearing her down. Of course, the next thing would be for someone to invent a pouch that a dog can wear to hold the phone because I, for one, refuse to walk around carrying the phone in my paw! If you don't believe that humans have stupid conversations, this is one my human overheard at a store one day. The man called his wife to ask which brand of crayon to buy for the children. I could have told him to spring for Crayola. If it is important enough to call and ask about, go with the expensive brand. I think the extra 10 cents would be worth it. I know some of you are going to say....Demon Flash Bandit, aren't you being a bit hard on the humans? My answer would be "no, I am not". Once, with my own doggy ears, I heard a human on the cell phone asking the other person about the weather, and the human was outside. I barked that if he can't tell how the weather is when he is outside in the "weather", I don't think asking someone at home is going to help him much. In fact, I once got a call from a human who needed an answer for that television show, So you Want to be a Millionaire. My correct answer might have been helpful if he had been on the show. He was just sitting home wondering how well he would do if he were actually on the show. Maybe he can be on the local version entitled, so you want to have $10.00.

As a public service today, I am going to share a couple of cool new dog products--at least that is what the humans think. I thought they were kind of silly and want no part of them, but I will share them anyway. The first is a new poop collection system for dogs. This can be viewed at
http://www.pootrap.com/ .
I can guarantee that this item was invented by the humans. I can't imagine a dog inventing it since we don't really care about such things. Another new dog item for the humans who seem to be intrigued with a dog's butt is the butt cover. This product can be seen at:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/79602239/rear-gear-butt-covers-for-your-cat-and?ref=sc_1 .
If my humans want to put one of these on my butt, they had better make a more he-man type one because I refuse to walk around with a flower on my butt. I would be ridiculed by the other male dogs.
The last thing I want to share with my readers is the web store version of a local store near me that has a lot of good products. The web address is:
http://www.goallnaturalpet.com/ . Be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you there. If you are looking for a pet product that they don't have, be sure and contact them because they might be able to get it for you.

It is again time for a dog's nap so....until tomorrow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs a Cell Phone)

Why Hope for Life on Mars?

I have had the honor of being chosen as a diary pick on http://www.dogster.com/ today. I have been writing on that site for many years. It is a great social network site for dogs and cats (cats have http://www.catster.com/).



I'm sure that I, like most dogs, sometimes wonder about the humans and their lack of sense. There was actually a news item today that said, "hope for life on Mars". If you ask this dog, I think it would be better if Mars has no life on it. It isn't like Mars has human like life or even dog like life. What are they hoping for: bacteria? What if Mars has some kind of killer bacteria? Don't we have enough problems with low life bacteria here on Earth without hoping it exists on other planets? Would they get excited about finding a new species of fleas on Mars? I bet they would. If you ask my opinion, they could round up every flea on Earth and send them to live or not live (which would be my preference) on Mars and this dog would be thrilled! If the big news agencies paid attention to the tabloids, they would know that according to the Weekly World News, aliens from the Planet Zeeba have set up bases in Antarctica from which to attack Earth. Do we really need to worry about Martians too? Perhaps there are human like Martians on Mars which we can't see for whatever reason (maybe they have advance technology which employs a cloaking device), and they are waiting to take over Earth. Obviously, the scientists who "hope" for life on Mars have not seen the many sci-fi movies where the aliens are annoying reptile like creatures who are disgusting.

Another upsetting item from the Weekly World News is about scientists making a alligator-chicken. I eat a lot of chicken, and I don't think I know of any dog who wants our chickens mixed with alligators. I am personally glad that I don't run the risk of running into an alligator when I go outside which is something that not all dogs can say. A dog in Florida might run into a gator anytime it goes outside. If you ask me, the scientists could be doing something more useful--like building spaceships to take all the fleas on planet Earth to Mars.

Demon Flash Bandit (Aliens Could be Trouble)

Site has Chocolate that is Safe for Dogs!

I happen to be a dog who enjoys candy. I have been known to beg for treats such as Mike and Ikes, and Swedish Fish. However, when I beg for chocolate, I get the speech about chocolate being bad for dogs. Of course, being an enterprising dog, I have done some counter surfing and helped myself to the occasional bite so I know it is delicious and I love it. This is why I am sharing this website with my readers. I was excited to find this site, but I have not yet had a chance to order anything from it so I don't speak from personal experience, but the products sound wonderful! This site has chocolate that is safe for dogs. It does not have the ingredients found in human chocolate that are bad for dogs. The address of the site is:
http://www.crittercrave.com/ The candy bars are reasonably priced and come in 16 different flavors. I haven't been this excited about an Internet site in a long time! If you decide to order something from them, tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They have no idea who I am, but I always get a kick out of telling my readers to do that. A dog has to have some entertainment!

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend. I'm having a good weekend, but it would only be improved if I had one of those tasty dog candy bars!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With a Sweet Tooth)

King Burger Should Keep His Crown!!!

I used to be a dog who would only eat hamburgers from Burger King until a couple of months ago when they messed up my order, and the employee was arguing with my human about how I couldn't order a stacker without condiments which is something that had been done a gadzillion times before. Since then, I have tried McDonalds, and I have decided that they are very good too so my human now gets my food at McDonalds. When the situation happened, I suspected that King Burger was having problems keeping his kingdom under control. As usual, I was right. The King Burger is being ousted from BK's advertising. I think this is a big mistake, and I was a loyal customer of Burger King for years. This dog was always barking about how wonderful their burgers tasted. However, I can only assume that much of my problem with the company was that they are not allowing King Burger to run his kingdom as he has successfully done for many years. They should have consulted me about some of their business moves before they made them. If they had, they might still have me, Demon Flash Bandit, as a customer of theirs instead of the competition. Sure, I know that many royal families don't really do much except use up their fellow citizens tax dollars, but King Burger was not like most royalty. He did commercials and gave out crowns for dogs to wear in photos while we eat Burger King burgers. I hope BK reconsiders because restaurant mascots are so important. Mommy said she used to live in a neighborhood with a hamburger place that had a donkey on top and a chicken on the top of another restaurant. That is the mark of a classy neighborhood--when the local restaurants have animals on top of their buildings. I have no idea why she no longer lives in such an elegant neighborhood! I think I would be happy eating at either restaurant.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing King Burger)

M&Ms in Space!

I'm sorry about not writing a blog yesterday. I have a human secretary, and she had "something important to do yesterday". What could be more important than staying home and writing my blog? Next she will be expecting to go on vacation. This dog did not say anything about vacations when I hired my human. It isn't that I'm against vacations as long as I get to go along. However, I am not about to say anything about a "paid vacation" since I have no intention of paying my humans to work for me. I have important things to do with my money--like buying dingo bones and treats. I have forgiven my secretary since she did come home with McDonalds hamburgers for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself along with some delicious human peanut butter cookies and dingo bones. At least she knows how to buy our affection!

In my last blog, I wrote about the collectible Star Trek Captain Kirk M&M. After I wrote the blog, I started thinking about how maybe that is the "real" Captain Kirk. Perhaps he wasn't human at all, but he was actually a big M&M. I can't think of a better ambassador of good will throughout the galaxy than a giant M&M. Sure, I guess you could have someone like Twinkie the Kid, the Keebler Elf, or Captain Crunch represent Earth, but an M&M is still an excellent choice. There have been many brave M&Ms in space that remind me of characters from the movie Star Wars. I have an address for you to watch a M&Ms commercial in which they are characters from the Addams Family television show. The address is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxyWWJe_7wo This causes me to conclude that it is really M&Ms that are "running the universe", and humans are copying them. If you ask this dog, the humans aren't doing a great job of mimicking the M&Ms. I wonder if the M&Ms are going to end up getting mad and annihilating the humans. I hope not since we dogs do tend to like the humans even if they are silly. We like M&Ms too, but for a totally different reason. It is our taste buds that like M&Ms!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing M&M candies)

Marley and Me: The Puppy Wants a M&M

I have found a "must-have" item for the Star Trek fan. That item is an M&M dressed up as Captain Kirk from Star Trek. Here is the web address where you can find this item:
http://www.hamiltoncollection.com/products/904316001_mms-star-trek-figurine.html?searchTerm=M%20and%20M%20Captain%20Kirk&N=9054
You can tell the humans to order it for your Star Trek collection, and if it winds up in your tummy, you can't help it because you are a dog, and dogs like to eat things. I know the humans say you can't have chocolate because you are a dog, but it is just one M&M. I've found it is better not to ask the humans since they might say no, and no is not what I want to hear. LOL

The humans and myself just finished watching the new direct to dvd movie, Marley and Me: the Puppy Years. It was an okay movie, but my humans didn't like the fact that they used the "Marley and Me" name on a movie that really seemed to have very little to do with the real "Marley and Me" movie. Marley was being watched by another family while his humans were on an assignment. I think it was a bit unrealistic since most humans aren't going to volunteerily watch a puppy who is causing so much trouble around the house. However, the movie did have a lot of dogs in it, and even an appearance by my stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman's relative so it was still an enjoyable movie.

I've got to go now and get back to my napping.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ordering my Own M&M Captain Kirk)

The Most Comfortable Seat Saved for the Dog!

I have run across yet another brilliant and practical must-have item for dogs which I will share in today's blog. That item is a seat saver. Yes, fake spilled food that you can put on a seat to "save" it for you so that no one takes it when you have to leave for a few minutes. This is such a genius idea that I would love to meet the dog who invented it. You know how the humans think they should get the most comfortable seats and leave the dogs the least comfortable ones or the dog has to sit on the floor? With this new product, a dog can put the item on the seat of his choice, and come back whenever he wants to because the humans will avoid sitting on a seat that has ice cream, etc. spilled all over it. Thus, when the dog returns to the seat, he can move the fake food, and he has the best chair in the place. I'm sure the humans could use it too, but why tell them about it? I think if dogs keep the secret, the humans will never know because they aren't the brightest tools in the shed. Yes, a dog can go out in public, pick out a seat, save it with a seat saver, go the the concession stand to get some food, and come back to the same comfortable seat he chose before he left to get some treats. For those dogs who want to order this product, the address is:
http://www.geekosystem.com/?s=seat+savers
This is a product that all dogs will want to own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Product for Saving Seats)

Art Attack!

A 53 year old woman, Susan Burns, has been arrested at the Washington National Gallery for attacking the painting, "The Plumed Hat" done by Henri Matisse and valued at 2.5 million dollars. This is not her first art attack. In April, 2011, she attacked another painting at the same museum. This time it was a painting done by Paul Gauguin entitled, "Two Tahitian Women"valued at 80 million dollars. After that first attack, she was banned from visiting the museum so this time she is also arrested for unlawful entry. I know that many of my readers will think she was insane, and I agree with that possible assessment, but I think I know what drove her over the edge. In past blogs, I have written about the paintings "Dogs Playing Poker". I checked the Internet and discovered that the National Gallery has no paintings of that calibre in their museum. I can only imagine her outrage when she went to the museum expecting to see fine works of art probably assuming they had the Dogs Playing Poker only to find that there were none. In fact, I would think a picture of a hat would really make a person mad because all of us know that the book, "Alice in Wonderland" has a Mad Hatter (played by Johhny Depp in the recent movie) so why would an artist want to paint a picture of a hat? I don't even like hats. My humans have bought me doggy hats and I hate all of them. Sure, there is a photo of me wearing a Burger King crown (that is before I quit going to BK which you can read about in past blogs), but I also had a burger in my paws which made wearing the hat to make the humans happy okay. I think the only possible remedy for this situation so that it never happens again is for the National Gallery to buy a Dogs Playing Poker painting for their gallery. I can't stress this enough--I'm sure other humans are going to go nuts and attack the paintings if this is not done! If the Gallery can't afford such a fantastic painting, perhaps they could get a copy of the dogs on the movie, Eight Below, playing poker with the humans. I've heard that the U.S. government is having to watch their budget, but they need to get a dog playing poker painting of some kind. I, being a patriotic dog, would be happy to pose for a picture of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself playing poker if necessary.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Art)

Go Back to Planet Zeeba Where you Belong!

The Weekly World News, which in this dog's opinion, is the most reliable news you can read has recently published an article about how there are "space" alien bases in Antarctica. This alien "invasion" began in October of 2010 and will continue until November of 2015, at which point, the aliens from the Planet Zeeba will control Earth. I have no word yet on whether they are in league with the evil birds that I'm always writing about, but it would not surprise me if they were. There might even be a few chipmunks and squirrels in on it, but I can't prove that and I don't want them suing me for slander. Those squirrels have some very good law schools! It does make sense that they would pick a remote place like Antarctica in which to locate their bases. For the most part, not too many humans are there to see what they are up to. However, this dog would be glad to volunteer to go to Antarctica to check out the situation. I happen to love snow, ice, and cold so I would be perfect to go there. I don't even need a winter wardrobe since we sled dogs have nice thick fur that keeps us warm. I have experience as a spy since I've been spying on the birds for years. Yes, they think their plans are safe, but they have no idea that this dog speaks bird and is listening and warning the humans about their activities. I can do the same thing with the space aliens. They would think I'm just a regular dog, and I could infiltrate their base and learn what they are doing there. I can report back to the humans and thwart their evil plans for world domination. You don't have to thank me because I am happy to do it. I am fond of the humans and don't want to see a bunch of space aliens come here who might even prefer cats as pets.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting Alien Invasion)

Party for 3,000 Year Old, Pants for Puss and Boots, and Crazy Date at Taco Bell

The United Kingdom has been having more than its share of problems lately. There were the riots in London which were very sad to hear about. Now a 3,000 year old has been found in an Irish bog and everyone is at a loss to find a theme for the birthday party. Let's face it, most people aren't around for their 3,000th birthday so it should be something special, but at the same time, it isn't like the person is a member of the royal family so it doesn't require too much elegance. However, you know that the news is going to bore everyone to death with the party coverage so it can't just be an ordinary party. I am willing to offer my services are party coordinator. Since the honoree has been hanging out for centuries in a bog, I think the person won't be that picky about the theme, but you do have to please the media circus. I'll keep you updated on this situation as I hear more about it.

The news story that upset me the most is about Puss and Boots and his unwillingness to wear pants. You can see this video at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/12/puss-in-boots-explains-hi_n_924965.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl3%7Csec3_lnk2%7C86130
Personally, I think it is okay for a dog not to wear pants, but cats should wear them. That is my opinion so, therefore, it is fact!

I have to share this story from the news about a worker at Taco Bell in Ringgold, GA who was in love with a co-worker who didn't share his interest. You know how some of the humans don't like to take no for an answer, and he is one of them. He handcuffed her to him, and is now in the Catoosa County Jail. I think he should have contacted one of those "experts on manners" humans to ask what to do because I don't think handcuffing yourself to a potential date is ever considered good manners.

I've got to go now and research possible birthday themes in case I am needed to coordinate that aforementioned birthday party!

Demon Flash Bandit (Coordinator)

Another Injustice to Dogs!

Normally, I am not a fan of birds, and I am constantly warning all my readers that birds are evil creatures who cause global warming by stealing snow. However, my hatred of birds does not apply to penguins largely because these birds don't steal snow because they live in areas with lots of snow and they love snow as much as I do. They are also cute and I love the way they waddle around when they are on land. There is a website set up by Disney that is called Club Penguin. I assume it is for children. I am not a member, but evidently, when you join, you can play games and generally have fun on the site. There is a membership fee and since I'm not a member, I have no idea if the site is worth the cost, but this dog does love all the lovely snow on the site. My big question is why is there no game site for dogs? I'd consider joining a husky club or a dog club. It could have games like "chase the squirrel", and "find the treasure in the garbage". Sure, it would be more fun actually doing those things, but when a dog is stuck in the house and can't enjoy chasing a squirrel in person, it would be a fun alternative. I think dogs are often left out of fun activities like that because the humans think we aren't intelligent enough to be on the computer. Excuse me, but how many children can write a blog like I am writing and yet they have sites for them. All us dogs know that it takes human children a long time to even learn to walk and yet dogs are treated like we aren't smart. It is an injustice against dogs as usual, and this dog has to bark out about such injustices!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)

The Dog is Watching the Sheep!

Today I am going to examine a "fairy tale" that many human children have heard over the years. The tale is that of a shepherd boy who continues going back to his village to tell the villagers that a wolf is after the sheep. Of course, this is not true, but when a wolf finally does come and attack the herd, no one in the village believes him so his lies hurt his credibility when it was important for the other humans to believe him. I guess some of the humans never learn that it is best to be honest with others. Of course, I am not fond of the fairy tales that make the wolf the villain. I think our cousins, the wolves, aren't really scary animals at all. As usual, the humans get paranoid and scare easily. Here is the real version of the story which you know is true because it is the version as told by us dogs.

There was once a young boy who was a shepherd. He was watching the sheep, but he got bored and decided to cause a bit of trouble to liven things up a bit. He went to the village and told everyone that a wolf was bothering the sheep. It was not a wolf at all, it was a German Shepherd dog who was doing a better job watching over the sheep than the boy ever could. When the villagers saw it was a dog, they told the boy he was stupid and laughed and laughed at how dumb he was. You might ask, what happened to that boy when he grew up? He went into politics. Obviously, his job as a shepherd prepared him well. I'm not sure, but I think he said something about going to a tea party so I guess politics is much more fun than watching sheep. He even gets to attend political parties.

Demon Flash Bandit (Boy Who Cried Wolf Over a Dog)

Dog Yoga or How To Steal a Pic-A-Nic Basket!

Today I am going to share a video with my readers from youtube.com. The address is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roQMb2Guy6k This video shows dogs in Chicago doing yoga or "doga" as it is called when it is done by dogs. Yoga is something some of the humans enjoy doing. I might add that Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have never done yoga so I do not speak from personal experience. It is supposed to be good for you, but I watched this video and I was not impressed. I thought yoga was supposed to be taught by a Yogi, but if you watch the video, you will see that Yogi Bear is no where in sight. I wouldn't mind learning yoga from Yogi Bear. I have to assume that Yogi Bear teaches his tricks for getting the pic-a-nic baskets from the humans. All dogs can find that information useful so doga is a good thing. However, the video shows humans teaching the course, and they don't know how to steal a pic-a-nic basket. They just have the dogs in stupid poses to make them look silly. If the humans want to look silly, that is their business, but leave a dog out of it. We dogs have standards and don't like to look stupid. I wonder where I can sign up for the doga course with Yogi Bear. I could use a tasty pic-a-nic basket about now.

Demon Flash Bandit (Yogi Bear Only Doga Teacher Worth Having)

Big Foot's Paws are Wheels

I have read about humans hunting for the "elusive" Big Foot (AKA the Abominable Snowman, Sasquatch, and Yeti). They aren't sure if he or she exists, but if he does, Big Foot is supposed to be some kind of creature that isn't yet commonly known to man. If these humans were more informed, they would know that Big Foot is a truck with giant wheels. My humans have seen Big Foot in person or is that truckson? It is a Ford pickup truck and when my brother, William, was young, he was a big fan of Big Foot. He was also fond of tires and had a collection of small ones in the back yard because Mommy wouldn't let him bring them into the house. I guess human Mommies aren't as fond of Big Foot as boys and dogs are. Big Foot can run over and crush a regular car so I can understand how he can seem scary, but he seems to be a rather pleasant truck as far as I can tell. I'm sure he asked the cars he has crushed politely if it is okay for him to drive over them before he did it.

I think I should have my own Big Foot because I think Big Foot is like the sled dog of vehicles, and I think I would have fun driving it. I would also sit tall enough because of the big tires so that I can keep an eye on those evil birds. If not for my exhaustive research for this blog, I might have thought that I was living with Big Foot. My human Daddy had very big paws!!! However, he was not Big Foot because Big Foot is a truck.

Demon Flash Bandit (Revealing the Truth About Big Foot)

Standard and Poor Downgrades U. S. Credit

The stock market is down due to the recent downgrade of the credit of the United States by Standard and Poor. I'm sure that many of my readers, like myself, are asking themselves, what does this mean to the average dog? As of yet, the answer is not clear. We are mainly concerned with the prices of food, treats, and dog toys. I called my pal, Brian (Brainy) Beagle, a dog who won the Nobird award for economics to see what he had to say about the situation.

Brian Beagle: Having enough money: Good thing
Not having enough money: Bad thing
As long as the prices of food, dog treats, and dog toys don't rise, everything will stay the same.

As usual, Brian gets right to the point probably because he is a dog. Personally, I saw that Standard and Poor made a math miscalculation of a few trillion dollars so I think they should be calling in some CDAs (Cerified Doggy Accountants) to check their math. I have to let you know that Standard and Poor is run by humans so, with no dogs in their employ, I wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw a stick and fetch it!

In other financial news, this dog is pulling for the striking Verizon workers. I saw that someone was criticizing them for going on strike in a recession. However,Verizon is making money, and the people who run these companies seem to have no problem with taking big bonuses during recessions. This dog is pulling for the regular people who will actually help the economy because they will spend the money on necessities like food when the executives are often hoarding the money and refusing to spend it. It seems to this dog that part of the problem with the economy is that the humans at the top don't want to pay the laborers for their part in making the money. They are bad humans, and they are going to be very surprised when it comes their time to leave the planet because you can't take it with you when you die.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Economy)

Han Solo Ice Trays

For those of you who are Star Wars fans, I have a product to share with you that is not only fun, but also practical. That item is a Han Solo ice tray. Yes, you can now have your drinks cooled with ice that looks like Han Solo frozen in carbonite. For those of you who are interested in this product, it can be found at this website among others:
http://www.geekalerts.com/?s=Han+Solo+ice+tray To see the product, you need to scroll down the page because there are other products listed on the page as well. This would also be a great gift item for the Star Wars fan on a gift list. There will also be a R2D2 ice tray for those who are fans of the little robot. This brings me to an important point. I know if I were buying a novelty ice tray, I would want it to be shaped like dogs--not like Star Wars characters. Perhaps that nice dog that starred in Pirates of the Carribean would make a cool ice cube tray. I know I would want to buy it if it were manufactured. I certainly would prefer dog shaped ice over stupid robot shaped ice.

News from the ComicCon is that there is going to be some new Star Wars toys released soon. I think that the humans who market the Star Wars toys deserve a lot of credit. They have been out for decades and they are still finding new ones to issue. In fact, I've heard some rumors that the action figures have been released for so long that the next group are going to have a nursing home playset and be dressed in hospital gowns. Judging from how long the toys have been marketed, those characters must be at least 100 years old by now. I've heard that the Millenium Falcon no longer goes over 10 miles per hour and the left blinker is usually left on the entire time. I like Han Solo, but he isn't a spring chicken anymore. Speaking of chickens, that is what I plan to have for dinner. I hope my human realizes this fact and gets busy roasting it for me. Otherwise, since it is in the freezer, I will be eating a chickensickle. I had to eat dog food yesterday, and had it not been a Beneful prepared meal, I would have went on a hunger strike.
What human invented dog food anyway? That human should be executed for crimes against dogs.

I hope all my readers are having a nice weekend, and remember, if you go to the website I suggested and place your order, you can watch Han Solo melt as you drink your next beverage.

Demon Flash Bandit (Practical Star Wars Item)

Demon Flash Bandit in 3-D

My humans take my photo with their digital camera and post it on my various sites. The photos of me look okay, but with the advent of 3-D technology, I have been concerned that my viewers are only seeing me in 2-D. Therefore, I told my humans that they need to buy a new camera that will take my photos and that of Angel Zoom Smokey in 3-D so that our viewers can get the real "dog experience". Hollywood has filmed a bird movie (Rio) in 3-D and I won't even tell you my opinion of making a movie about birds. It was supposed to be a family movie, but even Hitchcock knew that if the movie involved birds, it is going to be a horror movie. I know I was too scared to even watch Rio. I think it is horrible for birds to be depicted as sweet, cute creatures. I'm quite sure that Rio must have been written and produced by birds to fool the humans. However, this blog is not about birds or bird movies, it is about seeing me in 3-D which I'm sure all my fans--which I'm quite sure must number in the millions-want. In fact, I'm amazed that one of the camera manufacturers hasn't sent me a 3-D camera free, but I can only assume it is because they don't know my address. In addition to my concern that my viewers aren't seeing me in 3-D, I'm not quite sure what 3-D actually is. I've asked other dogs and they have no idea either. I would ask the humans, but if a dog doesn't know, you know the humans will have no clue to the answer. I'm wondering if the people who see me in person are seeing me in 3-D. I think 3-D stands for 3-Dogs. I can't think of anything better for it to stand for. I suppose that means that whenever a photo is made, 3 dogs are added to the photo. No wonder all the studios are anxious to make movies in 3-D. Having 3 dogs added can only improve a movie!!! Everyone knows that!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (3-Dog Technology)

Rowan Atkinson in Car Accident

I'm happy to report that Rowan Atkinson was not seriously injured in his recent car accident. He is a very talented actor, and I enjoy his work. Whether as Mr. Bean or Blackadder (I particularly enjoyed Blackadder in its World War 1 episodes), this dog loves watching him. For those citizens of the United States who are unfamiliar with his other roles, I am going to share a skit from his Live show. For those who wish to view it, the address is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZMoB6ms2mE

I'm sorry he had the accident, and I'm sure that his insurance company is probably sorrier than anyone else since the car is a million dollar car. I bet the insurance agent is highly upset over the claim. I know that a car that is in a movie or television show is worth more money, but who would have thought that Mr. Bean's Mini Cooper with the padlock on the door is worth so much money? The news said that the car is one of 65 made so I can only assume that the padlock makes it worth more than the Mini Coopers with the factory locks on the doors. I can only imagine what the car would be worth if Mr. Bean drove an expensive sports car instead. There were no details of the accident, but it is possible that the car was damaged when he pushed a parked car out of the parking spot he wanted which is something that Mr. Bean does so much that I'm sure he is quite the expert at doing so by now.

I hope that he has no premanent pain from the accident, and I hope to be seeing him in new shows very soon!

Demon Flash Bandit (Rowan Atkinson--Talented Actor)

Humans Want to Be Dogs and Bunnies

William Falkingham of Idaho Falls, Idaho has been asked by local police to quit dressing in his bunny costume because he is scaring the neighborhood children. I suppose children in Idaho must be terrified of bunnies. Sure, let tomatoes hang out in the town despite their reputation as killer tomatoes (check out the documentary movies on the subject--Attack of the Killer Tomatoes), but worry about a guy in a bunny suit. The only ones who should be upset about his outfit are the bunnies. Bunnies have a reputation for cuteness and cuddliness, and when a human starts dressing up as a bunny, it can ruin their reputation. Although it is complimentary for a human to dress up as a dog, and I can understand whey a human would want to be a dog, not all humans deserve the privilege of dressing in dog costumes. This is why I thought this story was odd. The humans are telling him not to dress up as a bunny when I've seen the humans dressed in things that no dog would ever even consider wearing. To help you understand what I'm barking about, go to this website if you dare:
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Humans are out in public shopping wearing or "almost" wearing some of the most ridiculous things making the average dog lose his milkbones, and a town gets upset about a bunny suit? It makes no sense to this dog. I'm not saying the guy is normal, but personally, I would love to see a photo of all his outfits combined--the bunny suit with the cowboy outfit and tutu. Yes, at least I could have a good laugh at that outfit. Most of the ones at the website, people of walmart, just make a dog want to hide under the covers, and I'm a Siberian Husky. We don't tend to even like covers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Just Want to Be Bunnies and Dogs)

Star Trek Theme Park To Be Built

I saw some exciting news today from Jordon. A new 'Star Trek' theme park will be opening there in the future. Since I am a fan of Star Trek, this dog thinks it would make a cool place to visit. I'm hoping that it will allow dogs since one of the Star Trek's main stars and also the captain on the television show, Star Trek Enterprise, was Porthos---and Porthos is a dog. I know some of the humans are going to say that Porthos was not captain in that show, that it was some human named Archer, but do you really think Star Fleet would put a human in such an important career? In fact, all the "captains" were dogs. In earlier shows, they didn't mention the dogs because a lot of humans watch those shows and they didn't think the humans years ago could handle the truth. Anyway, I hope that I can attend this park because I know I would have a great time there. It is about time the humans decided to build a park dedicated to Star Trek. I wonder if a dog suggested it. Most of the "humans" best ideas come from their dogs. For those who are interested and would like to read more about it, I am going to share the web address so you can read more about the details of the park.
http://overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/02/7231997-star-trek-theme-park-to-arrive-in-the-near-future?gt1=43001

I read that it is supposed to be hot in a lot of areas of the United States. I hope everyone remembers to drink a lot of liquids and try to stay in where it is cooler. It is days like today when I really appreciate the dog who invented air conditioning!

Demon Flash Bandit (Star Trek Theme Park Is Cool Idea)

Honorary Dog Award for Matt Damon

Today I am going to share a letter that I wrote to Matt Damon. He is a great actor, and I was listening to his thoughts on the recent passage of the debt deal. I think he should be made an honorary dog!!!

Dear Matt Damon,

I know you are probably surprised to be receiving a letter from Demon Flash Bandit, famous blogging dog, and recent dogster dog of the week choice, but I heard your comments on the debt deal, and I had to write you and let you know that this dog agrees with you wholeheartedly. At the moment, I've been told that I do not have to worry about taxes-not because I'm a dog, but because I am broke. It seems that my humans did not start a bank account for me when I was a puppy so you can imagine how upset I was to learn that I am not a wealthy dog. However, if I were a wealthy dog, I would not mind paying a bit more in taxes in order to make life better for eveyone else. If you have a million dollars and you pay $100,000 in tax, it is still considerably more than the average person has to live on so you are still going to live well. It is my observation that the humans want to impose the most taxes on the people who make the least. That makes no sense to this dog. You have my paw of approval and I will continue to go to the theatre to see you in the movies in which you star. By the way, I really enjoyed True Grit. I wasn't particularly fond of the original one with John Wayne. I am awarding you my honorary dog award. I don't give that to many humans!

Love, Demon Flash Bandit

It is so nice to find a human who has some dog sense.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Matt Damon)

My Letter to Lindsay Lohan

I thought I should write today about actress, Lindsay Lohan. She has not gotten in trouble with the police for the past couple of months. I know I'm as shocked as you are as I write this. I was beginning to think that she had decided to make it her life's work to be arrested. Obviously, she is a troubled soul who turns to drugs and/or alcohol which is very sad because she has potential, and so many people throw their lives away and all the good they could do because of these substances. I know it hit home here with Angel Zoom Smokey. As a puppy, she took the car keys against my advice and operated the vehicle while under the influence of kool-aid. Yes, the humans and myself weren't sure if she would give up the kool-aid, but she did. However, we had to get tough with her and only allow her to drink water. Being a dog, she adjusted quickly. Sadly, the humans take much longer to get over their addictions. Anyway, as you know, I often share letters I write to and receive from celebrities so this is one I wrote to Lindsay Lohan.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Since you always seem to be getting into trouble, I decided to reach out my paw to help. Angel Zoom Smokey, my adopted sister, once had a problem with a DUI (driving while under the influence) when she was a puppy. I took her under my paw and straightened out her undesirable behavior. Since you are a human, the humans are helping you and they just don't have the common dog sense to help you properly.

First, you need a good puppy slap of justice across the face. Yes, you heard me. Some dog needs to slap some sense into your head.

Second, you need to spend a week or two in a kennel so you'll understand consequences.

If you think I'm too tough, you are wrong. Too many humans have thrown talented lives away and even died because of alcohol and drugs., The humans should help you learn, but they lack the guts that a dog has to do what is necessary to solve the situation.

I wish you well and hope you'll get help from a dog like myself who lives near you before it is too late. Good luck and have a howlingly nice day!

Love, Demon Flash Bandit

I hope she gets some help because not only is she causing herself problems, but this dog is tired of reading about her exploits in the news.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fixing Another Human Problem)