I thought I should write today about actress, Lindsay Lohan. She has not gotten in trouble with the police for the past couple of months. I know I'm as shocked as you are as I write this. I was beginning to think that she had decided to make it her life's work to be arrested. Obviously, she is a troubled soul who turns to drugs and/or alcohol which is very sad because she has potential, and so many people throw their lives away and all the good they could do because of these substances. I know it hit home here with Angel Zoom Smokey. As a puppy, she took the car keys against my advice and operated the vehicle while under the influence of kool-aid. Yes, the humans and myself weren't sure if she would give up the kool-aid, but she did. However, we had to get tough with her and only allow her to drink water. Being a dog, she adjusted quickly. Sadly, the humans take much longer to get over their addictions. Anyway, as you know, I often share letters I write to and receive from celebrities so this is one I wrote to Lindsay Lohan.
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
Since you always seem to be getting into trouble, I decided to reach out my paw to help. Angel Zoom Smokey, my adopted sister, once had a problem with a DUI (driving while under the influence) when she was a puppy. I took her under my paw and straightened out her undesirable behavior. Since you are a human, the humans are helping you and they just don't have the common dog sense to help you properly.
First, you need a good puppy slap of justice across the face. Yes, you heard me. Some dog needs to slap some sense into your head.
Second, you need to spend a week or two in a kennel so you'll understand consequences.
If you think I'm too tough, you are wrong. Too many humans have thrown talented lives away and even died because of alcohol and drugs., The humans should help you learn, but they lack the guts that a dog has to do what is necessary to solve the situation.
I wish you well and hope you'll get help from a dog like myself who lives near you before it is too late. Good luck and have a howlingly nice day!
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
I hope she gets some help because not only is she causing herself problems, but this dog is tired of reading about her exploits in the news.
Demon Flash Bandit (Fixing Another Human Problem)