I Want to See Donald Trump's Birth Certificate!

Superman has renounced his United States citizenship. Yes, it was in the news yesterday. I think that Donald Trump and the birther's constant yapping about President Obama not actually being born in the United States despite the question already being settled before he took office has finally made Superman take a preemptive strike. I'm sure the reason he denounced his citizenship is because he knows that he is going to be Trump's next target. This dog can't understand why Trump keeps going on about it because Trump can't possibly be a U. S. citizen himself. Have you seen that hair? He has to be an alien from another planet with hair like that because it is not human. Sure, Clark Kent is still a citizen; but that is because he keeps a low profile so no one notices him. Officially, he was born on Krypton; but he keeps that very quiet. I know Superman has no plans to run for political office, but I'm sure Donald Trump will find some excuse to harass him. It seems that nothing ever makes the
Trump quiet.

When Obama released his birth certificate, then Trump decided to question his intelligence, and insinuated that he didn't deserve the degree from the ivy league schools he attended. This is very amusing to me because if the parents have enough money to donate, the stupid rich kids can get an ivy league degree. George W. Bush had a degree from Yale, which is an ivy league school I have yet to hear anyone say that George W. Bush was a genius because he was not. This dog had doubts that he had enough sense to come in out of the rain, but that is true of most humans so I am not insulting him. If you want intelligent leadership, the humans should vote for a dog. We are so much smarter than the humans, and I can prove it. Most of us sit around the house all day, playing and sleeping, and the humans feed us and take care of us. If you want my opinion, that is true genius. I think Trump should quit yapping and let his dog do the talking for him. Then and only then would something be said that is worth saying!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should be in Charge)

I Didn't Attend the Royal Wedding

Since I chose not to attend the royal wedding, I also chose not to watch it. I do have a letter to share with you from the Queen Lady regarding my lack of attendance.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
The royal wedding of my grandson yesterday went well, but it would have been so much better if you had attended. We never realized that when we didn't invite Bo Obama, first dog, that you would take offense and not attend. We were so looking forward to you because, as you know, you were our most important guest. The media was very upset when they asked where you would be sitting, and we had to tell them that you had declined our invitation. I have to admit that I didn't expect you to decline the invitation since most people will not turn down a royal invitation, but we failed to take into consideration you would stand by your fellow dog, Bo. I do hope that we can continue to be friends because being your friend means a lot to me and my family.
Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth

For those who want to know what I replied, I am going to include my reply.

Dear Queen Lady,
I do appreciate the wedding invitation, and I am glad that it went well. I would have attended had you included Bo Obama, but when you omit the first dog, then as a patriotic American dog, I cannot in good conscience attend the event. I understand that the wedding would have been a lot better had I been there, but this is something you should have realized before you omitted Bo Obama.

Actually, I'm surprised the royal family has even managed to survive all these years what with all the inbreeding in past generations. Some people in the United States do that, but they usually don't get the opportunity to run the country. Sure, sometimes they are allowed to run a fast food franchise or a gas station, but seldom the entire country. Judging from the success of recent royal marriages, it even takes the "fairy tale" out of the equation since, in fairy tales, the couple lives happily ever after--not divorced. I will admit that I never realized what a rich country Britain happens to be until I saw how much money your family has to live on. I have to tell you that you wouldn't like the welfare system here in the United States because the tax payers won't allow a family to draw so much money from the government. Kudos to your welfare system there.
Don't worry about us being friends. I'm glad that you understood why I could not attend the royal wedding, and I do hope the couple will be very happy together. Happiness doesn't seem to be too prevalent in your family which is very sad.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

Pool Playing Dog

Many of my readers are familiar with the painting, "dogs playing poker" because it is the most famous painting in history. All the art museums want to include it in their collections. Today I am going to share the link to a video which reminds me of that painting except it is a real dog. The dog is playing pool, and is quite talented at the game. The link is:
http://pettube.com/The%20hustler .

If the royal family had not slighted the first dog, Bo Obama, I would be attending the royal wedding tomorrow. Since I am not going, don't expect it to be too big an event. The humans aren't talented at making an event enjoyable and depend on us dogs to make it fun.

On a personal note, I would like to ask my readers to pray for the people in Ringgold, Georgia because part of the town was devastated by tornadoes. Mommy has relatives and friends there, and would appreciate the prayers of my readers for those people.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Do Everything Better than Humans)

Amenhotep III

Archaeologists (or their dogs) have recently made a big discovery in the city of Luxor. They found a statue of Amenhotep III which is 42 feet tall. I think this explains how the Pharaohs gained power in Egypt. If a 42 feet tall human says to do something, I think most of the shorter people are going to listen to him.
This statue is one of a pair that were on each side of the northern entrance to the grand funerary temple. Amenhotep III is missing his head, but I think that can easily be explained by an encounter with that Mummy that is always running around in the Mummy movies. Even a tall Pharaoh would have problems dealing with a Mummy. Amenhotep III ruled in the 14th century BC and was the grandfather of King Tutankhamen, the boy king. This was at the height of the New Kingdom, but it was still a very long time ago. In my opinion, ancient Egypt was a great kingdom because they valued their dogs. Any humans who love their dogs and treat them well get my paw of approval. I doubt that I would have enjoyed living in Egypt since I am a sled dog, and I'm not fond of hot weather, and Egypt gets a lot of hot weather. However, there were many breeds who were very happy there. I do wonder if there were some really big dogs there since the Pharaoh was 42 feet tall. I am going to assume that they hadn't invented ceiling fans back then or he would have been nervous anytime he entered a room where one was on. Anyway, I am quite sure that the archaeologists' dogs found this statue, and I'm sure the humans, as usual, took the credit for it. However, it is okay since most of us dogs don't get that excited over old statues unless they are made out of dingo bones. By the way, I think the Luxor pyramid is in Las Vegas, Nevada so I hope those archaeologists know where they are. Another interesting thought: you would think that a 42 foot tall statue would be hard to lose.....humans!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing An Archaeological Find)

Barking--Simpler Than Most Human Words

Gas prices have been going up where I live which is probably true all over the world. In fact, as soon as a barrel goes up in price, the local gas stations start raising the prices. On the other paw, when the gas prices go down per barrel, it takes quite a while for the savings to show up at the local gas stations. Since it is always important to have a dog look into these kinds of situations, I decided I would check into it to see why the prices take so long to go down. I came to the conclusion that they don't come down very fast because the longer they stay up, the more money the owner of the local gas station brings in. Of course, I have to admit that I am not an economist so maybe that kind of common sense thinking isn't really what happens so it was nice to see that there was an item in today's news explaining why it happens. Sam Peltzman, a free market economist, studied this phenomenon, and he came to the conclusion that prices don't go down as fast as they go up so that the business man who owns the gas station (and possibly the distributors) can make more money. Most of the humans call this "price gouging", but the economists now call it "asymmetrical price adjustment". Have you ever noticed how the humans always manage to come up with a complicated sounding title to anything that they don't want to admit is happening? It is the same reason that some humans refer to giving a dog a bath as a "day at the spa". You can fool the humans with that kind of nonsense, but you can't fool a dog. If we have to get wet and get dog shampoo all over our fur, it is a bath. I don't care what you call it, most dogs won't like it, and that includes myself. If dogs were supposed to have baths, we would have been born with shower caps. If only dogs ran the world, it would be a much simpler place, and you would not need complicated words because a few barks would explain everything.

Demon Flash Bandit (Barks--Better Than Words)

I Would Prefer Guests Not Be Alligators or Snakes

Because I am a sled dog, I love a lot of snow during the winter. As I have mentioned in past entries, my human Mommy does not share that love of snow and winter. In fact, I have overheard her talking about moving to Florida so that she won't have to deal with snow and ice in the future. Of course, I have been doing everything I can to persuade her to quit thinking about moving. I think things are wonderful here in Michigan, and the only move that should even be considered would be to an even colder place--like Alaska. Today I found a news article from Florida that I had to make sure Mommy would see. I think this news item might make snow look a lot better to her.

The story is from Palmetto, Florida. Alexis Dunbar returned to her home to find an alligator occupying the guest bedroom. It is assumed that the alligator crawled into the house from the pond in the back yard and entered the house through the doggy door. I think the alligator did show that he was very polite because he could have stayed in the master bedroom, but he was polite enough to go to the guest bedroom which tends to be the smaller of the two rooms. Although he was a polite guest, I do understand that I would not want an alligator in my house either. They do have some big teeth, and they might decide to eat the host or the host's dog. I'm hoping that this news article will make Mommy realize that it is better to wake up to snow on the ground outside than to an alligator in your bedroom. Florida also has a lot of poisonous snakes, and if an alligator can get inside your house, it would be even easier for a snake to get in. I think snow will start looking better and better to Mommy, but it is hard to tell. As all us dogs know, humans aren't always as smart or practical as we are.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Alligators and Snakes)

Demon Flash Bandit: Master of Paw Fu

The Colbert Report has done a report about a new form of martial arts called cane fu. You can watch the video at:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/231612/june-22-2009/the-enemy-within---cane-fu .
Supposedly, cane fu can turn senior citizens into "killing machines". My own human mommy uses a cane so this would be a new way for her to protect herself when I'm not around to do it for her. However, if you watch the video, it looks like the man who demonstrates the cane fu really does not need the cane. For those who really need a cane, I think if you quit using it as a crutch, that person just might fall down. Fallling does not seem to be a good offensive move to me. I also think that the man doing the demonstrating seemed way too excited about how badly you could hurt another person with a cane. I'm guessing there will be a whole new line of "attack canes" for the humans who want a cane that does more damage than a regular cane. I'm just worried about one thing. Some of the senior citizens have trouble remembering things. If they do manage to remember to use the cane as a weapon, will they remember who the enemy happens to be or will they be attacking everyone? I guess only time will tell. I happen to be a master of Paw Fu which is when you take your paw and smack your enemy with it. I learned it from Angel Zoom Smokey who is always dispensing puppy slaps of justice.

I want to wish all my readers a Happy Easter!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Master of Paw Fu)

Digging for Treasure

I wonder how many of my readers saw the story about the man in Vienna, Austria who found buried treasure when he was digging in the back yard. How many times have I heard the humans complain about their dogs digging in the yard? Don't they realize the dog is just searching for buried treasure. We know that there are lots of interesting items just waiting to be discovered. In the case of the story from Austria, their department in charge of national antiquities is evaluating the find. From what I read, the items were about 650 years old, and consist of rings, brooches, ornate belt buckles, etc. Of course, I'm sure if the man has a dog, the dog was highly disappointed with that treasure. To a dog, that is not a treasure. When a dog digs for treasure, he is looking for good stuff like bones, sticks, and other interesting objects. The humans are so easy to please. If they find a shiny item, they are so happy. My theory is that most often it is their dog who finds the buried treasure, but then lets the human have it because the dog knows it has no use. You can't enjoy chewing on a gold ring so what is the point of having it? For the humans reading this, next time your dog is digging a hole in the yard, thank the dog for doing so. Who knows? He just might dig up a "treasure" that you will love even though he knows it is useless.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Dig for Useful Things)

Discussing Easter From a Dog's Point of View

Prior to Easter, the humans around here color boiled eggs in bright, vibrant colors so that they look pretty. I have discussed this with other dogs, and we think the humans waste a lot of time making things look pretty when the food would be ready to eat a lot faster if you just serve it looking drab and plain. I personally have never eaten an egg. Sure, I have been offered eggs, but I refuse to try them. I prefer to eat bacon, and if bacon is around (which it usually is when eggs are being served), why would I want to eat an egg? Bacon happens to be one of the tastiest things around. It even improves the Burger King burgers I love so much! Some Easter traditions have met my paw of approval. I like the idea of candy because this dog loves candy. There is no better thing on Earth than tropical flavor Mike and Ikes unless it is those red color Swedish fish. Fortunately, candy is an essential part of any Easter celebration. I also approve of serving ham, which is another meat that this dog happens to love. If the humans don't want to eat bacon or ham, that is okay; but they should have it anyway for their dog's Easter celebration. I have been a good dog all year, and I know the Easter bunny will bring me lots of treats and toys. This is why I'm writing this blog. I want to make sure the "Big Bunny" sees it before Easter! I hope everyone has a Happy Easter!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Easter Traditions)

Demon Flash Bandit Reviews "The Tourist"

Today I am going to do a movie review of a movie that was recently released on dvd. The movie is The Tourist. This movie stars Johnny Depp as Frank Tupelo and Angelina Jolie as Elise Clifton-Ward. Frank is an American teacher touring Italy alone because he is trying to mend a broken heart. Elise is being watched by the police because they are hoping that she will lead them to her lover who is wanted for not paying taxes on money he stole from a mobster. He calls her and tells her to get on a train to Venice, and find someone who is his basic height and weight because the police have never seen him. She does as instructed, and happens to sit next to Frank Tupelo. This causes Frank to be drawn into the adventure. He happens to fall in love with Elise in the process. This movie is good and deserves a 4 paws up and a tail wag.

I hope this has been helpful to those out there who are thinking of watching this movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog At The Movies)

Rats on a Plane

In the continual discrimination against dogs, airlines most often have us ride in the cargo area like we are some kind of animal. However, Delta had a rat riding on one of its planes which seems very unfair to this dog. No wonder they don't want dogs in the passenger area. A dog would never allow a rat to occupy the same area as a dog. I don't think I even have to tell you what a cat would do in this situation since cats have less patience with rats than dogs. The FDA grounded a Delta plane because, during inspections held between Jan 26-Feb. 2, 2011, a lot of rodent droppings were found by the plane's galley. The galley is where food and beverages are stored. Urine traces were discovered on 6 galley ceilings. The culprit is probably a roof rat, which is a species that abounds in Atlanta, Georgia. According to news sources, the rat was found, and the plane is flying again.

In the past, I have written my personal observation about a conspiracy involving Mickey Mouse and his plans for world domination. I am quite sure that Mickey is behind this recent incident. The reason most dogs aren't allowed to ride in a seat like a normal "human" passenger is because Mickey and his "rat" conspirators wouldn't want a dog on board. Obviously, the airlines are in on the conspiracy. I suggest that all dogs write Delta airlines and let them know that we know what is going on. Maybe if enough of us work together, we can stop Mickey before it is too late.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Know How To Treat Rats)

Labeled Bath Towels

It never ceases to amaze a dog what the humans think about that a dog wouldn't bother to waste a minute's time thinking about. Today's topic is one of those things. I found a product on the Internet that is designed to solve one of the humans worries. That product is the True Clean Towel. Yes, the humans do worry about silly things. This is also a great idea for the humans who love those human "figures" on the public restrooms signs. The towel has that figure on it and the head is marked top and the "private" areas are marked bottom. This solves the problem of where the towel has been used in the past so that the humans will know which part of the towel to use on what. This has never been an issue in this household because the humans dry their face first and wash the towels after their use. This does seem the most logical thing to do since, if they are washed, you know they are clean. It takes the guesswork out of it. Plus, for the humans who can't read well, who might mix up the words, top and bottom, this could be a major problem. For the humans reading this who HAVE TO have this product, it is only available on the website of the human who invented it. The towel can be purchased for $19.00. For those who are interested, the address is:
http://truecleantowel.com/true-clean-towel-slate.html/ .

I think that this product is okay for the humans, but if I see a towel come into the house with the "figure" of a dog on it, this dog will have to take drastic action. I have already told the humans that dogs aren't supposed to get a bath. If you don't get wet from a bath, then you don't need a towel to dry off. I know the humans like to take baths, but that does not mean a dog wants a bath. We dogs are much more intelligent, and know that if we were meant to have baths, we wouldn't hate them so much.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Towels)

Dogs Have to Bark

Today's blog is about an incident that happened in Mason, Ohio. A police officer, Bradley Walker, was at a bar investigating a car crash. His K9 dog was with him, and was sitting in the police car. It seems that Officer Bradley Walker returned to the car to find the police dog was barking uncontrollably. Ryan James Stevens, age 25, was barking at the police dog. Officer Bradley Walker then gave Stevens a ticket for "teasing a police dog". Stevens claimed the dog started it. I got in touch with the police dog for a personal interview, this is how it actually happened. I'm not sure why Officer Walker didn't ask for the dog's version of the story in the first place, but you know how stupid the humans can be when dogs are involved. It turns out that the dog did start barking, but he was merely saying hello, and stay away from my rawhide bone which I have with me in the car. Obviously, Stevens was one of those humans who has a thing for rawhide bones owned by other dogs, so he started barking out all sorts of insults at the dog. He called him a cat. He told him that he is no better than a bird. He even told him that squirrels are smarter than him. He said he was going to steal the rawhide bone. Of course, the police dog had to bark a few things back like, "you know I'm a police dog, and you are going to get a ticket, you stupid human". As you can see, the dog was right. Dogs don't tend to bark without good reason. It could be the wind blowing a leaf or food on the table, but we always have a good reason to bark. The humans should know that. Demon Flash Bandit (Police Dog Had To Bark)

BK's Meat Monster--Sounds Delicious!

Burger King in Japan is introducing a new burger called the "Meat Monster". This burger has 2 pieces of hamburger meat, a chicken breast, 2 slices of cheese, 3 pieces of bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. Customers will be able to customize the burger by adding teriyaki sauce, an egg, a fish patty, or all of the them. The basic meat monster has 1,160 calories compared to 690 for a regular whopper. This dog has never asked how many calories any of my food contains, but it seems to be something the humans worry about. My personal observation is that the more calories, the better it tastes so I'm hoping that Burger King in the United States will add this burger to the menu. I would be honored if they called it the Demon Flash Bandit burger, but as long as it is on the menu, I don't care if they call it the Heart Attack Burger. This dog would love to try it. In fact, I know I would love it so it would quickly become a favorite of mine. Humans can be so silly. You would think that if they eat tofu, they will live forever which is never going to happen so you might as well enjoy all the good stuff while you can. This is what dogs do. We don't worry about it--we know what we like and we eat it. I would love for Burger King to make a burger with even more meat on it. I usually don't eat the buns anyway. For those who enjoy Taco Bell (like Angel Zoom Smokey), Taco Bell is experimenting with a taco shell made from Doritos nacho cheese flavor. It sounds like a good idea to me, but I don't eat Taco Bell. When my humans order it, I don't bother them for a taste. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants the Meat Monster Served at U.S. Burger Kings)

Enjoy the Aroma of Bacon Without the High Cost

The humans have finally gotten the right idea about cologne. This is because fargginay is now offering the delightful scent of bacon in a cologne which you can buy for $36.00. This is the creation of John Leydon, who has 2 different bacon scents from which to choose. There is Bacon Classic, which has a spicy maple aroma and Bacon gold which has a sizzling citrus scent. Both scents have the delightful subtle scent of bacon without dealing with the grease. I know that the humans are finally taking a step in the right direction with scents, but I have a better idea which is also much cheaper. Go the the store and buy a pound of bacon for approximately $3.00. Either cook it or leave it raw and put it in a pocket. You will have the delightful non-subtle smell of bacon and it saves money. It is also handy for a snack if you should get hungry. The grease is nice to lick when you are in the mood to savor the flavor of bacon. I've always said if you want practical advice about how to smell good, ask a dog. We have expert noses, and we give that advice freely--without charge to the humans. What would the humans do without dogs? Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bacon)

Billboard Getting World Wide Attention

I enjoy the new television show, The Walking Dead. However, some of the people living in England aren't too pleased with one billboard advertising the show. The billboard is on the side of a funeral home. For those who would like to see the article, the link is: http://www.medialifemagazine.com/artman2/publish/Alternative_media_43/One-billboard-that-was-just-dead-wrong.asp I suppose that it can be considered in poor taste to put a billboard for a show about zombies on the side of a funeral home, but on the other paw, I wonder just how tasteful it is to have any ad on the side of a funeral home. Would an ad for a cemetery plot or a casket make a grieving family approaching the funeral home feel any better? Perhaps the real problem is not in the advertising itself, but in the funeral home allowing ads to be put on the side of their building. Besides, if you want an ad to get attention, it has accomplished the task. A billboard in England is getting world wide attention. I bet the people at the ad agency are thrilled. Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Zombie Dog)

Media Reading my Blog For Story Ideas

I know I should be used to it by now being the high profile celebrity dog that I am, but today's headline on MSN.com news reminded me once again of just how important my blogs are to the media. Just a couple of days ago, I wrote about insuring my beautiful tail with Lloyd's of London. Today when I logged onto the computer's MSN.com home page, there was a item entitled, "Celebs Insure the Darnedest Things". Sure, I read the article. They were wise enough not to mention me personally. My guess is they didn't mention me so I don't sue them for using my idea for a story; but we all know that they got the idea for that article from me. I'm a celebrity dog insuring my tail, and then seeing a story on celebrities insuring body parts--not a mere coincidence. We all know they were reading my blog for story ideas. Most people just read it for entertainment and knowledge, but now I realize that the news people are reading it for future stories. In fact I have suspected it for some time because this is not the first time that a story in the news has been on a subject that I have blogged about in previous days. I have no plans to sue because I am also a bit flattered that they depend on me so much, and I know that the humans usually don't have any good ideas of their own which is why they have dogs. However, I am not adverse to the idea of having a Demon Flash Bandit day which would be a holiday to honor me, Demon Flash Bandit. It would also be a day in which I would get gifts. I happen to enjoy gifts so I think a day in my honor is appropriate. Speaking of celebrities, my brother is using my stunt double as the logo for his movie site, http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ He would have used Angel Zoom Smokey or myself, but we don't like to pose wearing stupid looking human items. Phantom Fast Snowman doesn't mind modeling things which is why he is our stunt dog. I think Jeff picked an awesome logo because you can't get better than a dog! Wow, it has been about 10 minutes since my last nap so I'd better get back to dreamland. Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrity Dog)

Only Real Enemy: BIRDS!!!

Today marks the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War in the United States. Of course, tension had been building up for a long time prior to the shots fired at Fort Sumter. The fort had been under siege-like conditions for months prior to the attack. The south wanted to secede from the United States, and the north wanted to keep the union intact. Before the whole thing was over, a lot of people died and many people were wounded. If you ask my opinion, the whole thing was a waste. This is why I think that all warfare should be directed at the real arch enemy of the planet--BIRDS!!! I don't like them, and I think they are only useful as snack food. Once again, they have stolen my snow. Just a few months ago, a dog could go out and enjoy a yard full of lovely, white, cold snow. Now the birds have stolen it yet again and are singing about their triumph as I write this blog. I speak fluent bird, and their main song is "ha ha, I stole the dogs' snow". I can't even go and bite them because my humans (typical of their species) don't appreciate how horrible the birds really are. They think they are cute and sing sweet songs. I only wish the humans could speak bird as I do. Then they would not be fooled by the birds and their songs. However, on the original topic of the anniversary of the Civil War, it is sad when the humans decide to fight each other no matter where they are or what it is about. Maybe one day they will realize that and learn to get along with each other. If a dog and cat can get along, then there is hope for the humans. Demon Flash Bandit (War is Stupid)

Dogs-Worth Our Price

For my readers who might have thought that I was being a bit vain when I called Lloyd's of London to get insurance for my tail, let me assure you that it was not a frivilous thing to do. How many of you know that a dog named Hong Dong, a Tibetan mastiff, sold to a wealthy Chinese coal industrialist for 10 million yuan (which is about $1.6 million in United States currency)? Hong Dong is the most expensive dog in the world. I'm sure some of the humans probably think that is too much to pay for a dog, but this dog thinks it is quite reasonable. However, most of us don't sell for quite that much simply because most of the humans can't afford us at that price. We are worth far more than that, but since we dogs love the humans and feel sorry for them, we love them enough to allow them to get us cheap. (All us dogs know that humans without dogs are pathetic creatures.) I think all us dogs deserve a round of applause for being such wonderful companions for the humans. Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Are Worth Every Penny We Cost)

Special Dog Furniture

I am a good dog who allows my humans to use their own furniture when I'm not using it. I did find an interesting website to share with other dogs. The address is: http://www.bigdogbeds.com/ . This site has all sorts of sofas and beds designed specifically for dogs. I will warn you that the furniture on the site is so nice, you might have to make sure the humans know to stay off a dog's furniture. I can just picture myself curled up or stretched out on the dog bed watching a good movie like Snow Dogs or Eight Below. Of course, I would need some tasty dog treats to eat while I watch--perhaps some Yummy Chummies or some Milkbones. Yes, that would be very enjoyable. I have to go now, and make sure my humans see this website. I haven't checked the prices because I am worth whatever they are charging. After all, I am one of the family dogs!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Found Cool Dog Furniture Website)

Farmer Demon Flash Bandit

Winter is my favorite season probably because I'm a "sled dog", but there is one thing about spring that sounds good me, and that is the prospect of planting a garden. The humans plant gardens every spring so that they can harvest tasty food products from their own plot of soil. I pawed through the catalogs Mommy gets, and I didn't really get too excited about planting tomatoes or cucumbers. However, then I realized that I could plant my own stuff. I can plant bones, Yummy Chummies, Milkbones, bacon, etc. to grow my own garden of treats. I have been busily digging in the yard to prepare for all the delicious treats that I plan to grow. A bit of bacon in this hole, a crumb of milkbone in another. By the time the summer is over, I am going to be the envy of every dog in the neighborhood. I have lived here since I was a puppy, and none of the dogs ever have a garden of treats so I know they haven't thought of it yet. After I harvest the treats, I will write a how-to book for other dogs so that they can learn how to grow their own treats too. The proceeds from the book will keep in me treats until it is time to plant a treat garden again next year. Demon Flash Bandit (Farmer Demon)

I Need Insurance

Last night I was staring at my tail, and I realized that I have a beautiful tail. It is long and furry, and it wags when I want it to. I wondered what would happen if some unfortunate accident caused me to lose my tail. This is why I got up early this morning and placed a call to Lloyd's of London to check into an insurance policy for my tail. While I was on the phone, I decided to insure my klondike bar too. I won't go into what my klondike bar happens to be, but I bet you get the idea. I think I would more upset if I lost it than if I lost my tail. It also makes me laugh every time I hear the commercial, "What would you do for a klondike bar?". I would insure my beautiful blue eyes, but I have never heard of eyes changing color unless it a human who has to use drops for glaucoma. I decided to insure both the tail and the klondike bar for 1 million dollars. Sure, they are worth more, but you do have to pay the premiums, and the premiums go up the higher the insured value. I haven't bothered to get life insurance because I am irreplaceable. Besides, it isn't like I would be around to buy dingo bones with the money anyway. Speaking of dingo bones, Mommy bought Angel Zoom Smokey and myself some small chicken flavored dingo bones, but they aren't as good as the regular larger dingo bones with the meat inside. Those bones are heavenly. I have tried the new stackers burgers from Burger King, and I want to let everyone know that the bacon makes the burgers a lot better. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself both LOVE bacon. I don't think Burger King could make a better burger unless they made a bacon burger with bacon on it. I saw on the news today that 46% of Republicans polled in Mississippi think interracial marriage should be illegal. As a dog who is both black and white, I think these humans are silly. I think some of the dogs with varying colors are some of the prettiest dogs there are. You would think the humans would realize that. I suppose I have the attitude that you should allow other dogs to live their own lives and mind your own business. I have noticed that the humans who are always trying to tell everyone else what to do are usually the ones who have the most self created problems. I can only assume that is because they are too busy trying to live other people's lives instead of living their own. I hope all my readers have a good weekend, and be sure and stop by my human brother's site, www.silverscreenhub.com He puts a lot of work into the site, and he has had the good taste to give me my own movie review page. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs Insurance)

Movie Review of Paul

Today's blog is going to be a movie review of the movie, Paul. This movie was written by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost who also star in the movie. My readers might remember these two from other movies they have done together: Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz. The movie starts out decades ago when Paul's spaceship crash lands on Earth. His ship killed a dog in the crash of which I personally did not approve. They could have killed a bird or even a cat, but not a dog! Then the movie moves on into the present time. Graeme Willy played by Simon Pegg and Clive Gollings played by Nick Frost are two friends attending the ComicCon as their "dream vacation". Both are big sci-fi fans, and Clive Gollings is an aspiring writer. After the ComicCon, the two rent an RV to tour the southwest area's famous UFO related locations: Area 51, and Roswell, New Mexico are part of the itinerary. Along the way, they meet up with a real space alien named Paul, whose voice is provided by Seth Rogan. They also "kidnap" a young woman at an RV park whose name is Ruth Buggs played by Kristen Wiig. They are being chased by federal agents led by Agent Zoil played by Jason Bateman. Paul is trying to get to the spot where he can take a spaceship back to his world. The movie is the story of what happened along the way. Will Paul make it to the spaceship or will the federal agents capture him first? I suggest you watch the movie to find out. It is a good movie except for the very beginning when the dog was killed. Being a dog myself, I did not care for that part!!! I did approve of Paul bringing a bird back to life and eating it alive--not the bringing it back part, but the eating it part. I think birds are evil! I give the movie 4 paws up and a tail wag. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review of Paul)

Where is My Book Deal?

Harper Collins has announced that a book deal with the Bronx Zoo Cobra has been reached. The cobra will be writing an autobiography entitled, Cobra Blood, about the snake's adventures in the city. The zoo said that the snake never left the Reptile House, but those of us who kept up with the snake's tweats know better. The snake, which escaped from the Bronx Zoo on March 26, enjoyed sightseeing around the "Big Apple", before being apprehended by zoo officials. The zoo officials had been on the lookout for the snake as soon as they noticed she was missing. I personally found the snake's escapades to be fun reading. However, if that earthworm that I met in the yard who bought the hooded jacket and is trying to pass himself off as the Bronx Cobra gets a book deal, this dog will be angry. I don't have a book deal myself and I have written several children's books. Of course, I have not sent them in to any publishers yet because I think the publishers should come to me. I doubt that the stupid snake had to go to the publishers--and that snake didn't even blog--she just posted what she was doing at the time. I happen to be a highly respected blogger, and I know this because I write myself a lot of fan mail. Anyway, if the worm tries to get a book deal, I will go outside and smash him with my mighty paw. I don't mind the earthworm pretending he is the snake, but I draw the line at writing. That is MY vocation, and I am not about to compete with a worm. I wonder if Hollywood will make a movie based on the snake's book. I think it would be an interesting movie. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Better than a Snake)

Show Biz Dogs--Porthos and Me

Today I am going to share an interview with a famous actor from the television show, Star Trek Enterprise. This is the first interview that this actor has ever given--his name is Prada and he played Captain Archer's dog, Porthos. The web address is: http://www.startrek.com/article/porthos-had-it-ruff-on-enterprise Porthos was the most important character on Star Trek Enterprise, and I'm not just saying that because I'm also a dog. For those of you who have checked out the Legoland royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, you probably noticed that I am in the front roll seat, but it is inaccurate. That is where I would sit if I were attending, but as my regular readers already know, I refused the invitation when Bo Obama and his humans were excluded from the guest list. I think the nice folks at Lego are just hoping I will change my mind, but I won't. We Siberian huskies are known to be stubborn dogs when we make up our minds about something. I have an exciting announcement to make. I got a personal call from Keanu Reeves asking me to play his dog in the upcoming sequel, Bill and Ted 3. I am very honored to be asked because I thought both movies were excellent. (What else could they be--they were excellent adventures--it says so in the title?) I am thinking it over. I will have to read the script and make sure that I would be paid enough for all that work. Personally, I prefer scripts where I nap while the humans are around me. Napping happens to be a hobby of mine. Anyway, I will let you know more when I find out more myself. I have a feeling that the studio will be too cheap to pay me the millions I require for showing up. I think I should get more money than Charlie Sheen because I'm not insane. Demon Flash Bandit (Show Biz Dog)

Bronx Cobra in my Yard---I Don't Think So!

Since the Bronx Cobra has been located at the Reptile House of the Bronx Zoo (at least that is what the zoo WANTS us to believe), there has been no official news of any tweats from the snake. However, just as the humans have "copycats" (notice the cat part of the word--they aren't copydogs), I have discovered that the snake has a copycat that I met myself in my own yard. I met this snake "lookalike' creature, but the creature seems a little too small to be a snake so I came inside and checked the Internet. As usual, I was right. The creature is an earthworm. This earthworm had bought itself a hooded jacket so it would look like a cobra, and it was telling me how it had escaped from the Bronx Zoo, and hitched a ride on a semi truck which ended up here in Michigan. I think the stupid worm thought I would fall for the lie, but he did not realize that he is dealing with the doggy genius of Demon Flash Bandit. He told me not to get too near to him or he would bite and inject his poisonous venom into me. I didn't believe him, but I didn't put a paw near him until I checked to make sure he was lying. I thought about crushing him with my mighty paw after I discovered he had lied, but I happened to go to this site: http://yucky.discovery.com/flash/worm/pg000216.html Sure, worms may look disgusting, but it seems they do a service for us dogs and humans too so I decided to let him live. However, I don't plan to make him a pet, and he definitely isn't the Bronx Cobra. I guess a worm has to do what he has to do to get some respect. They aren't cute and cuddly like us dogs. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Did Not Meet the Bronx Cobra)

California's First Dog, SutterBrown, to the Rescue

Imagine how happy I was to find out that California's first dog is helping the state pay off their deficit. I've often said dogs should be in charge, and this proves my point. Governor Jerry Brown's first dog, SutterBrown, is doing his part to help. SutterBrown is a very busy Corgi. He has a line of merchandise from which the proceeds go to paying down the state deficit. I might add that the Gubenator never had a first dog who did anything to help the budget. You would think a big, macho hero like Arnold could at least match the work of the SutterBrown. So far, SutterBrown, has brought in $700. to help the deficit. Now if the state of California will get Octomom to move and put the money the dog has made into the state budget, they might actually have a budget surplus. To see the video about the first dog, go to this address: http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/state&id=8049156 Perhaps Bo Obama should start his own line of merchandise to help the national deficit. On the local front, Charlie Sheen's show in Detroit, Michigan did not do well. This was not a surprise to my humans so they did not bother to attend the show, and it looks like that made a good call on that one. Charlie Sheen is a talented actor, and I hope he gets his life together before his life becomes as big a bomb as that show. I also want to mention that after my blog yesterday about the April Fool's Day joke done on the Internet by Toshiba in which I thought a computer for dogs would be an excellent idea, I have further proof of my genius. I have a website to share with you that has dogs using computers in scientific research. The site's address is: http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/state&id=8049156 Since dogs are already using computers, I think it is time for the computer manufacturers to get busy with a computer for dogs. I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Could Use My Own Computer)

I'm Ready to Place My Order for the Pet Book K-9 Laptop

Imagine my dismay when I discovered that the coolest product ever to be on the market was an April Fool's Day joke. Toshiba had a webpage showing a computer for dogs. It can be found at this address: http://us.toshiba.com/petbook Yes, the first laptop computer for dogs. There are 3 models: K9-514 for $329.99, K9-515 for $369.99, and K9-517 for $399.99 I was ready to place my order for the K9-517, and then I saw at the bottom of the page that it was just an April Fool's Joke. This dog did not find it to be funny nor did I appreciate the site making it sound like a computer for dogs would be silly to make. I am blogging on a computer right now so it is about time the humans at Toshiba take note that I'm not the only dog using a computer to write a blog everyday! It is truly a "dream computer" for us dogs starting with its delicious 100% organic rawhide casing which "keeps data safe and tasty", the built in DoggyCam with microphone for inter-canine conferencing, and the pawprint reader for added security and convenience. The paw swipe log-in which gives a dog access to important files and programs with no username or passwords needed is a genius idea. The bone-shaped touchpad for easy browing and navigation is a dream come true for a dog on the Internet. The slobber resistant design is so important to protect a dog's computer investment. You might ask, why am I writing about a product that does not exist? There is a good reason for this blog. I think the good folks at Toshiba have the right idea and now they need to get it into production. This dog thinks that it will sell a lot better than they think. Some car companies are even considering us dogs when they build their cars. I think this product could give Toshiba an edge in the computer arena. HP, Gateway, Dell and Apple have not even thought of building a computer for us dogs. By the way, if anyone in their "new product" division is reading this, it would be nice to add a bowl for snacks since some dogs do enjoy a snack while they are on the computer! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs a PetBook K-9)

Bronx Cobra Found--I Need Her Agent!

Finally, the cobra that escaped from the Bronx Zoo has been found. She was in the Reptile House just as the zoo said--at least that is what they want you to believe. However, judging from all the tweets from the snake, all of us know better. The snake had 200,000 followers before she was found, and I hope she will continue to tweet occasionally because I personally will miss the tweets. I'm sure the snake will have many things to tell us. For example, how does the zoo's menu hold up compared to other zoos? I'm sure other snakes would want to know that in case they ever decide they want to live in a zoo. I am planning to email the snake and ask the name of the snake's agent. I think I need to hire that agent to represent me! Today is April 1, which is the day in which the humans decide to do stupid things. Sadly, dogs know the humans well, and we know they do stupid things everyday. I really don't see why they need to go to any extra trouble one day a year. I guess they want to have one day when they can really get stupid. I saw an item on the Internet about a parade in San Francisco, California dedicated to St. Stupid. I don't know if it is real or an April Fool's Day Joke, but it does seem appropriate that the humans would have a patron saint to stupidity. All us dogs agree that they need one. I hope everyone has a Happy April Fool's Day, and be careful around the humans today. Some of them go a bit crazy with the jokes. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Snake's Agent)