Collectible and Greeting Cards

I have noticed that some humans collect cards of varying sports and other of their interests. Yet I have not noticed any dog cards on the market. Personally, I would think that all the humans would want to collect Demon Flash Bandit cards. I have looked at the baseball cards and football cards, and I think my cards would be far more rewarding to collect. There could be cards depicting me eating, sleeping, chewing on a dingo bone, etc. The possibilities are endless. I know it I were a human, I would never be able to get enough Demon Flash Bandit cards.

Humans also send greeting cards to each other, and I am also wondering why there are no Demon Flash Bandit greeting cards. They have them for Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy. I think I should have my own line of greeting cards. I can't think of a better way for a human to say happy birthday to another human than with my face on the front of a card. Just seeing my handsome face would make the humans happy. For example, a congratulations to a graduate card would make that graduate know that they have done well if my face is on the card.

I am going to have to discuss this concept with my humans because most good ideas around here come from one of us dogs. Humans have those little human size brains that just aren't good at thinking outside the doghouse.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Cards)

Space Aliens Not Invited to Royal Wedding

I saw something on the Internet news about an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) flying over London. Wasn't it bad enough that the royal couple, William and Kate didn't invite President Obama to their wedding? Now it turns out that they didn't invite those nice space aliens that sent them that expensive gift. The aliens didn't even realize that the wedding was over. I guess the newscasts take awhile to reach them in space. Thanks to the royal couple causing an intergalactic incident, we could end up vaporized in an intergalactic war. You would think the royal family would be taught better protocol with dealing with space aliens. I've always been taught that the general rule of paw when dealing with an advanced civilization that could vaporize the entire planet.....don't make them mad!!!! This means to include them in your events, and be nice. You are supposed to laugh at their jokes even if their jokes are the worst ones you have ever heard. I don't care if they don't make sense, you laugh and then you laugh some more. No Earthling needs an annoyed alien with fire power.

I think the royal couple is travelling now because they know that if the space aliens find them, they are going to be the target of some serious mayhem. I bet that is why the UFO was hanging out around the BBC. They are hoping that the BBC will televise some news about the royal couple's trip and they can find them with the information. I say turn the royal couple over to the aliens. They are the ones who made the aliens mad. I don't think us dogs should have to suffer!

Demon Flash Bandit (Space Aliens Should be Kept Happy)

Taco Bell Chihuahua

Whatever happened to the chihuahua that used to be the spokesdog for Taco Bell? I think Taco Bell was very intelligent to use a dog as their spokesdog. Mommy even has some of the little talking stuffed chihuahuas Taco Bell used to sell a few years ago. In my opinion, they one of the few treasures around here. They are almost as cute as the stuffed huskies Mommy has. (I admit-I am a bit biased since I'm a husky.) It is a big job being a spokesdog, but for a little dog, that chihuahua did a great job. I hope he is enjoying his retirement and living a good life!

Normally, I am not a fan of dog food. However, there is one dog food that I approve of and will eat. That food is Beneful Prepared Meals. They come in a little plastic containers, and they look like human food. Personally, I prefer the ones with the bright orange top (stewed chicken), but I'm sure other dogs have their preferences. There are other dog foods that are cheaper, but remember, you are a dog and worthy of spending more of your humans money. In fact, that is our job.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Taco Bell Spokesdog)

Big News: Aniston Gets a Tattoo

I am not a fan of the idea of home schooling. There are many reasons I have this opinion, but I think the most important one is best illustrated by a news story I read today that happened in Gary, Indiana. Christian Choate was an Indiana child who was found dead---a alleged victim of child abuse. His parents kept him in a cage, and he seldom got out except to be beaten. He was seldom fed or given water. He wrote while caged, and he wondered why no one ever came to help him. Why didn't social workers or his teachers step in and do something? Because he was home schooled--that is why. I know that there are a few parents who do a good job at home schooling, and I'm not saying they should not be allowed to do so. However, there seems to be no safeguard for the humans who keep the children at home to hide possible child abuse. Personally, I think children need to have experience with the outside world. I also think that very few parents have the education and temperament to do a good job of teaching their children at home. There are exceptions to every situation, but I wonder how many home schooled children are home because their parents don't want the "system" to find out what they are doing. There are some rotten humans in the world, and they get by with too much in this dog's opinion.

I hate to write about sad things, but the world is not always a happy place, and I think it is my job as a dog to point out when the humans can do better. Thankfully, most of the humans are nice, and the rotten ones are the exception. I just think the nice ones need to keep the rotten ones in line better. Maybe a leash would help.....

In other news, the big news (I'm sure all my readers will agree) is that Jennifer Aniston got a tattoo. This dog would never consider getting a tattoo because I prefer to have my art hanging on walls as Mother Nature intended. However, I think some of the humans get them to look tough. It has to be a blow to their ego that Jennifer Aniston now has one too. Jennifer Aniston just can't look that tough--even with a tattoo. I have a solution for the humans who want to look tough now that a tattoo will no longer do the trick. Those humans can look tough by sewing lace on their blue jeans and t-shirts. Nothing says "I'm tough" like adding lace. By the way, the tattoo Jennifer Aniston has is of her dog. I can't criticize her taste because it is great!

Speaking of celebrity dogs, if you want your dog to live like a rich celebrity dog, you need this web address:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43466151/ns/today-today_pets_and_animals/t/ruff-life-paris-label-sells-k-dog-bowl-k-dog-bed/ . This site has expensive pet items for the dog who deserves the best!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Tattoo)

Walls for Sale

I've never been in Walmart, but it amazes me that a store which sells walls has so many customers. Most of their customers already have houses so you would think they have enough walls already. Perhaps they go there to buy gift walls for other humans. This seems a bit strange to me. Graduation time is here and I have yet to hear one of the graduates ask for a wall. I have to admit that I don't keep up with the latest fads so maybe walls are the most coveted gift for 2011 graduates. My brothers never wanted a wall. Of course, with Jeff's love for movies, he would probably love a wall used in a movie. He collects movie props and even has some for sale in his webstore. Don't bother to check it out-he doesn't have any props from dog movies. I have no idea why anyone would want a prop from a human movie, but for those who are interested, his site is http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ . I wonder--does Walmart sell ceilings too?

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Walmart)

A Dog Does Not Need Human Accompaniment!

It is Balloonfest Weekend here in Howell, Michigan which means that humans are full of more hot air than usual. (Dogs love that joke.) There are a lot of activities going on including a B52 fly over from the Yankee Air Force which is based in Ypsilanti, Michigan. I'm not quite sure why a band is flying over, but I hope they will be playing music because this dog enjoys music. I actually learned something about history because of the Balloonfest. Up until today, I had no idea that either side had airplanes during the Civil War. Obviously there were airplanes because that is why it is called the Yankee Air Force. There is also a Confederate Air Force (based in Texas) so that must have been the first war to use airplanes. I am so glad that I can use my blog to entertain and teach serious history lessons too. This is why my readers are so smart!

I live within a mile of the Festival grounds so I am hoping that one of the balloons will land in my yard. I've got an anti-aircraft gun on my deck to "help" any balloon that might fly over decide to land here. I heard that when a hot air balloon lands in some one's yard, they have to give the humans a bottle of champagne, but I'm going to demand Bowser Beer instead. I want to try it, and so far, my humans have not ordered any for me so this is my chance! Normally, I don't approve of guns, but I have to assume that shooting at a balloon doesn't count since they aren't alive.

My humans used to go to the Balloonfest every year, but now it is too much walking for Mommy. This is the disadvantage of having older humans because they can't do as much as the younger ones. The advantage is that they usually spend more time with a dog! Angel Zoom Smokey knows how to work the system around here. The last time Mommy was sick and in bed, that rascal was getting 3 hour tummy rubs. I warned Mommy that Angel was going to be spoiled. Do the humans listen? All us dogs know they don't. Yes, Angel Zoom Smokey is one SPOILED dog!

Anyway, there is a bunch of stuff going on at the Festival including an arts and crafts show. There are people selling dog related items so I think I should be allowed to go there without the humans and look around. We dogs like to shop too! It wouldn't be any trouble for the humans. I can walk or drive myself. I happen to be a better driver than 75% of the human drivers on the road. I admit that the human drivers can hold up their middle fingers when they signal, and we dogs have trouble doing that, but I think I could learn to hold up a middle claw. If that is too difficult, I can get a fake hand to use when necessary.

I have to go now. It is time to sit out on the deck to "watch for the balloons. HAHAHAHAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Attend the Local Balloonfest!)

Don't Mess With a Dog's Nap Time!

There are no small children in my household because my human brothers are adults. Therefore, this dog can relax and take a nap whenever I'm in the mood. However, dogs from families with small children are not always so lucky. Those dogs have told me that sometimes the children refuse to go to sleep and thus, keep a dog awake. I can only imagine the horror when a dog is tired from a hard day of barking and the human puppy won't let the dog sleep! I found an amusing book on this subject. It is a book to be read to children at bedtime. The book is called Go The F**K to Sleep. Mommy found this book to be quite funny because my middle brother was one of those babies who had his days and nights mixed up and it stayed that way most of his life. If he was up, he felt the whole family should be up with him. I didn't know him during that time in his life, but if I did, I think my job as the family dog would have been to make sure he got his times straight. This dog takes my nap times very seriously. It is a very funny book, but if you would be offended by bad language, skip reading it. Of course, if you can't tell from the title that it might have inappropriate language, I doubt that you will be doing much reading anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Children's Literature)

My Wise Advice to Queen Lady

Today I plan to share a letter with my readers that will be sent to my pal, The Queen Lady. I read about Princess Kate turning down free clothing, and , as usual, I knew that the royal family could use my wise counsel involving this issue.

Dear Your Royal Highness Queen Lady,
I know you must be upset that Princess Kate is turning down free clothing. Does she think your family is made of money? When I read that on the Internet news, I knew that you would need some good advice from your pal, Demon Flash Bandit. It isn't like the clothing she is being offered is used although if it is used and not washed yet, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have found that sniffing it can be quite interesting. I'm sure your Corgis would understand, but I know that humans don't always appreciate a good smell. If necessary, I will write her myself because I know how the humans always treasure my letters. However, since I am a busy dog and I write you anyway, I hope that just telling her my opinion will suffice.

Here are some great reasons for taking the clothing:

1. You might get a clown suit free because clown suits are hilarious and, judging from the hats and even some of the outfits worn at the royal wedding, clown suits are very much in fashion.
McDonalds might even hire Kate to do some commercials and can you say ca ching?

2. She might be lucky enough to get a trucker's hat, and who wouldn't want a hat that says "honk if you like big butts". Kate should be so lucky!

3. If she is super lucky, she might get a chicken outfit, and I've seen humans in chicken outfits holding signs at restaurants. I'm sure Prince William would be turned on by seeing her in a chicken outfit. If it is good enough for Brad Pitt, it is good enough for Kate.

4. If she gets a janitor's outfit, she can get extra money doing her own cleaning. Imagine, cleaning one's own house and getting paid for it! This does not apply to those French Maid outfits because she is not French so it could cause an international incident--whatever that is.

5. If she gets a cowgirl outfit, William might buy her a pet cow!

6. She might get some normal clothes so she can look more like a girl and less like modern art. The only thing missing from her outfits is a toilet.

7. Someone might give her an outfit made from money which she could use to buy stuff.

8. Lady Gaga might design a meat outfit for her--practical and delicious. The Corgis would love that!

9. She might get an outfit from a very tall man and she can wear it and act like she has shrunk and then make a movie about it. That is always a good subject for a movie.

10. She can get a scarecrow outfit to keep the crows out of the garden, but be careful if Batman is around. He seems to have issues with scarecrows.

11. She might get a Burger King outfit and then she would know what real royal power feels like.

I do think it is wise for her to take the free clothing, but I must applaud her willingness to turn them down. As a dog, I also prefer no clothing, but I'm not sure it is a good idea for a member of the royal family. Besides, I suspect her sister, Pippa, will end up taking care of the naked part.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter I Wrote to the Queen Lady)

Dogs Are Smarter Than Birds

Today there was an item in the news about a gray parrot who can think logically--with the kind of thinking skills of a 4 year old human. According to the article, the only other animal who has managed this kind of logical thinking is an ape. This article made me very angry! The writer is saying that apes and gray parrots are smart and other animals like myself (dogs) aren't able to think logically. Have any of you been around a 4 year old human puppy? Let me give you an example of a conversation with an average 4 year old. I'll give you a actual knock knock joke told by an actual 4 year old.
4 year old child: Knock Knock.
Adult: Who's there?
4 year old child: Poop
Adult: Poop Who
4 year old child: Poop poop
As you can see, the 4 year old child is hardly an intellectual, and they do tend to like to tell jokes involving poop. I suppose when looked at from this viewpoint, the gray parrot need not be so proud of his accomplishments. His logical thinking means that he can tell poop jokes as good as a 4 year old human.

However, I am still insulted. I have learned to open car doors and doors in the house. I know how to turn on the radio in the car, and yet no researcher has noticed how smart dogs are? I think it is because the humans are envious of a dog's intellectual capacity. I personally have my own blog. Does that gray parrot write a blog everyday? I think not. The bird is probably too busy telling poop jokes to a 4 year old child. I don't care what the article says---birds are dumb and dogs are intelligent. This is why birds are called bird brains. It is not meant as a compliment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Are Smarter Than Birds)

Buried Treasure!

Brian Dyer of Lakeland, Florida decided to have a swimming pool installed in the back yard of his home. Imagine his surprise when he found that his home was built over a lot of garbage that wasn't supposed to be there. He is very upset since the cost of clean up is going to be very expensive. If Brian Dyer happened to be a dog instead of a human, this would have been a lucky thing for him. A dog would be thrilled to find garbage like that when we are digging a hole. Most dogs only dream of finding a treasure of that calibre when digging. I have heard dogs talk of treasures hidden by such well known pirates such as Blackfur, Francis Dalmatian, and of course, the very well known, Captain Jack Schnauzer (no pirate should have a bird's name). Dogs for generations have searched for their treasures--milkbones, rawhides, etc. However, Dyer has found the mother lode of treasure and he wasn't even looking for it. How lucky can a man get? Of course, being human, instead of being happy with his find, he is complaining about it and talking about cleaning it up. The humans are way too preoccupied with cleaning. All us dogs think they would be happier if they learned to embrace dirt as a way of life. It is a lot more fun than cleaning all the time.

Mommy went to see the movie, Green Lantern yesterday, and she enjoyed it. I will be writing a review of it on my brother's website, http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ . Don't bother to read what the human critics say about the movie. You always get a more accurate account of the movie from a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Argh Argh--that is Pirate Talk)

Bowser Beer

Many of the humans like to end the day with a refreshing bottle of beer. Now when the human opens a bottle of beer to enjoy, the dog no longer has to sit and look at a water bowl. Now there is a product called Bowser Beer that a dog can enjoy. It is non-alcoholic and it is not carbonated, but it comes in beef flavor or chicken flavor, and from the testimonials of the dogs who have tried it, it is a delicious beverage. You can even order it with a custom label. I am going to share a video commercial with you of some dogs talking about Bowser Beer. The address is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbx0eDNn_mc
That commercial makes me want to sit back and try some Bowser Beer. I haven't tried it yet so I can't speak from personal experience, but I'm hoping that after my humans read my blog today that they will order some for me. For those who are interested in this product, the web address is:
http://www.bowserbeer.com/
Tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. I'm sure they must know me since I'm a celebrity dog blogger. The site also has treats that can be ordered to go with the Bowser Beer. By the way, there are no hops and the beer is safe for dogs. Anyway, if you would like to try this product, I would suggest that you make sure your humans read this blog (for my human readers--your dog would love for you to order it). I would suggest making some signs that say I Want to Try Bowser Beer and carry them around in your paws. The humans aren't as smart as us dogs so it sometimes takes a lot to get through to them.

Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers out there.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Bowser Beer)

Paranormal Investigating Dogs Will Make Great Movie!

It looks as if Dark Horse Comics Beasts of Burden is going to be made into a movie. Beasts of Burden is about a group of pets who become paranormal investigators. One of them even looks like a Siberian Husky like myself! When the community of Burden Hill starts experiencing a lot of supernatural occurrences, this leaves the pets to take matters into their own paws and start investigating. I think this has the potential to be a great movie. Of course any movie involving dogs as stars has to be better than the ones that try to star humans.

The BronxZooRhino sent me a photo of himself dressed as a walrus for the Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, New York. He looked very handsome, and I would have not known he was a rhino at all. I told him to be careful sending photos via Twitter. Anyone who reads the news knows that Twitter photos caused Representative Weiner a lot of problems.

The Mermaid Parade isn't the only parade going on today. In the Fremont neighborhood of Seattle, Washington, there is a Fair and Solstice Parade. Seattle is also the site of the Northwest Coffee Festival. Speaking of beverages, Rush Limbaugh is coming out with a new line of tea called Two if by Tea. I'm sure this refers to the tea party movement which is based on the protest against tax on tea back in Colonial times. However, to be historically correct, the Colonials dumped the tea into Boston Harbor in protest so they would not have been buying tea. This is how coffee became the major drink in the United States. This would make that Coffee Festival in Seattle a lot less fun if the Colonials had never dumped the tea into the harbor. It might even be the Tea Festival. Anyway, good luck to Rush on his new project. If it doesn't sell well, perhaps he could change the company to Two if by Coffee.

I hope my readers have a good weekend. Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Hollywood Is Going to the Dogs)

Call the D Team

Last year a crack commando team was sentenced to a cage by a military court for a crime they did not commit. These dogs promptly escaped from a maximum security kennel to the underground (yes, they like to dig holes). Today still wanted by Animal Control, they survive as huskys of fortune. If you have a problem.....if no one else can help....if you can find them, maybe you can hire the D Team. (D Team stands for Demon Flash Bandit Team). Just don't ask them to pull you on a sled. They are too tired. Dog do Dog Do Dog Ruff. Bark Bark Ruff, Dog Howl (that is the theme music that plays after the narration).

Meet the D Team which is similar to the A Team that used to be on television. There is Demon Flash Bandit as Hannibal....because Demon is the lead dog. Then there is Face also portrayed by Demon Flash Bandit because I am one handsome dog. B.A. (Bad Attitude) Barracus is played by Demon Flash Bandit because sometimes I do have a bad attitude particularly when Angel Zoom Smokey takes something of mine. Last but not least is Howling Mad Murdoch also played by Demon Flash Bandit because I like to howl and sometimes I get howling mad. Hey, if Eddie Murphy can play 5,000 characters in one movie, then I can too. I am far more talented then him.

I have a comment to make on this whole Weinergate thing. Representative Weiner will no longer be a representative. I'm not saying that his tweeting was right. In fact, you have to be very careful when dealing with birds (and everyone knows that the Twitter symbol is a bird). However, from this dog's observation, I think the people in the United States would be better off if more of their representatives were harmlessly tweeting photos of themselves instead of robbing the treasury and not watching out for their constituents. If I were a representative, I would be watching the big corporations which are ripping off the normal people. In fact, I would venture a guess that they are the ones who make sure that "scandals" get so much attention so no one will be watching them and their lobbyists.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Leader of the D Team)

Purchase Painting: Poker Playing Dogs Copy

In a past blog, I have written about the famous painting with the dogs playing poker. I have some great news for my readers--you can now get a copy of that famous painting for a mere $35.00. Yes, for only $35.00, you can be the envy of your neighborhood. In fact, you would be the envy of your entire town or city. Can you imagine your neighbor viewing your painting on your wall, and knowing that the painting shows that not only do you have the greatest taste in the world, but they will probably think you are super wealthy too??!! Who would think that anyone but the choice few could afford such a masterpiece in their home? You might ask me how this it possible, but thanks to modern technology, you can have your own copy and walk with your head held high knowing that you are one of the few who ordered it from the Internet. The copy is sold through Cafe Press. Be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it super funny!

When your painting arrives, be sure and hang it in a prominent place in your home for all to see. Hanging it in a front room window comes to mind. If you are going to spend big money like $35 for a painting, you want everyone to see it! I know $35. isn't much for a painting as famous as the dogs playing poker, but when you spend big money, you want other dogs to know that you are a rich, successful dog. For those of you who really want to flaunt your wealth, you can get a mug with the poker playing dogs for $18. I want to remind you that if you want to take the mug to work, and you have really jealous co-workers, it might be better to skip the mug. You don't want co-workers getting so jealous of your good fortune that they want to kill you. Seeing a mug like that in someone else's paws could drive those kind of humans over the edge.

I hope the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) will take advantage of this item and have one hanging on the castle wall as soon as possible. With all those silly hats Princess Kate is wearing, she needs to show the people that she has good taste. I can't think of a better way to accomplish that feat than to buy that painting. Perhaps Cafe Press will make a hat with the painting on it so that Kate can wear it in the future instead of those silly ones she has been wearing.

Am I the only dog wondering what the dogs are barking to each other. I've heard the rumor that one of them said, "Poker, I hardly know her". That dog must have been watching The Office.

Demon Flash Bandit (Poker Playing Dog Painting Can Be on Your Wall!)

Why No Demon Flash Bandit Action Figure?

I have good news to announce today. After my previous blog about my bad experience with my favorite burger; Burger King, I am pleased to say that I tried a McDonalds burger yesterday. It was good. Up until now, I wouldn't even try McDonalds burgers, but if you get a dog annoyed enough, a dog will try new things. It is sad that Burger King did not appreciate my business (and I feel this was directly related to me being a dog), they do not deserve my future business so it is nice that I have other restaurants that appreciate me. Some McDonalds even give out dog biscuits to dogs who are in the car at drivethru.

I know I haven't written much about Weinergate largely because it is just too easy to have fun with that one. The whole story is like a big lottery win to people who make their living through comedy. However, today I saw a related story that I had to write about. Now you can buy a Weiner action figure. Yes, I'm not joking. For a mere $39.95, you can have your own Representative Weiner doll. For an extra $10.00, you can get the adult version complete with the anatomically correct item that caused Weinergate to make it onto the news. Personally, I would spend the extra $10. since, without that, Weinergate would not be Weinergate. It would not even be in the news. I would also suggest you not wait around to order since there was so much interest in the doll that it crashed the website. The only think I want to know is that why is there no Demon Flash Bandit action figure. I'm going to have to ask my humans about this since a world famous blogging dog such as myself should have an action figure made in my honor.

Demon Flash Bandit (Why No Demon Flash Bandit Action Figure?)

No Longer Recommending Burger King

I have been enjoying Burger King burgers since I was a wee puppy, but today I have to report that I will no longer be barking their praises. Sure, the burgers are delicious, but Mommy had a problem with my order Friday (the employee was arguing with her about not being able to order a stacker without cheese and sauce). When Mommy finally called the corporate office to complain (and she isn't one who usually bothers to call the corporation), the corporation didn't do a very good job of customer service. If they treat a well known blogger who has been barking their praises for years like I don't matter (probably because I'm a dog), it is time to let my fellow dogs and their humans know that the company really doesn't care about its customers at all. I have never been paid or compensated for my many blogs involving BK nor for any company I write about, but I do it because if I like something, I tell my pals. From now on, I will be blogging about the other burger I happen to enjoy which is Subway's Angus burger. I know King Burger probably cares, but he is busy with royal business in his realm and he has hired humans to represent him, and they didn't do a good job of making this dog feel appreciated. Sure, the burgers are still good, and you can enjoy them if you want, but be aware that the company does not appreciate your business so don't expect them to be nice if they mess up. In fact, the guy on the phone told Mommy that an individual franchise can charge extra if you want something left off the burger. This is a stupid policy since that saves the restaurant money, and their whole slogan is "have it your way". I guess they should change the slogan to "have it our way because we don't care if you are happy or not". Anyway, a dog has to stand on his principles, and I would suggest that even the clown place is nicer to its customers when there is a mistake.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Annoyed at Burger King)

Just Plain Demon Flash Bandit is Okay

Prince Philip celebrated his 90th birthday, and was given a new title by Queen Elizabeth. He is now Lord High Admiral of the Royal Navy. I want to go on record stating that titles might mean something to the humans. However, if you are getting a birthday gift for this dog, skip the title, and think toys and/or treats. It isn't like I'm going to come any faster when called if I have more titles added to my name. In fact, I have been known not to bother to come when the humans call me if I know it is over something stupid (which is basically anything that disturbs me when I'm not in the mood to be disturbed). I guess it is nice that the humans are so easily pleased. Companies take advantage of this when they skip giving a raise and give the human a new title instead. Personally, I don't care if you are a janitor or "executive in Charge of Maintaining Cleanliness", all that really matters to this dog is the pay. If I can't buy any extra treats, what is the point? It is just more trouble for me to tell people what I do. Of course, being a dog, I'm far too intelligent to actually work for money. I leave that to the humans. You would think they would learn that they are going to work everyday while their dogs are napping, but the humans never seem to realize how silly they are. I have no intention of telling them since I like how the system works. If it works, you don't try to fix it. Anyway, I hope Prince Philip is happy with his new title. Maybe when he is 100, he will be given the title, Assistant to the Queen.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Need a Title)

Doggy Psychiatrists

I am not the only dog in this household. I share the house with another Siberian Husky named Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel is a nice dog for the most part, but one thing I have learned from her is that living with someone who is mentally ill is not an easy task. It it made even worse by a society that does not always recognize the seriousness of mental illness. The worst part is that Angel is not seeing a doggy psychiatrist which is sad not only for her own happiness, but also for mine. Fortunately, I live with a couple of humans who have advanced psychology textbooks from college courses they took so I have studied these book at length and I am now qualified to discuss Angel Zoom Smokey's diagnosis. Angel Zoom Smokey is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might ask how I came to that conclusion. It was actually quite simple. Every night we are both given rawhide bones, and I like to take hers once she has chewed on it for awhile. It is a lot of work to chew a rawhide bone from its beginning, and it is nicer when it is "pre-chewed". Of course, I bark at her to give it to me, and she refuses and keeps it for herself. Thus, the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If she were mentally healthy, she would give me the rawhide bone. In fact, the humans say that they would consider pre-chewing the bones for me to keep me from whining, but that would not solve Angel Zoom Smokey's mental problems. Angel is so lucky that she is living with such an intelligent and understanding mentally healthy dog like myself.

Demon Flash Bandit (Prefers Pre-Chewed Rawhide Bones)

Email, Silly Hats, and Burger King

I have a few comments on the news that I feel are important. Sarah Palin's email correspondences while she was governor of Alaska have been released, and the amazing thing that has the Internet buzzing is that she can read and write. I know.... I was as shocked as everyone else!

The new Princess is going to get the silly hat award. How can she wear those Dog-awful hats and not cause everyone around her to crack up laughing is beyond me. Of course, I don't live in Great Britain, and I think they have a "don't make fun of the royal family's silly hats" law there. I suppose no one wants to risk their life to let her know that her hats look stupid. I suppose it is a lot like the story of the Emperor's New Clothes. Maybe one day she will get lucky and someone will finally tell her to lose the stupid hat. On St. Patrick's Day, my stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman (you can purchase Phantom products from http://www.,silverscreenhub.com/) wore a hat that looked like a giant beer mug, and he still looked less silly than Kate. I would suggest that if she must wear a hat, get a free one at Burger King. At least BK hats look good.

I have some bad news about Burger King today. Mommy bought me Burger King yesterday at the Howell, MI Burger King. Mommy ordered my usual stacker's without cheese and sauce, and they had a new employee who refused to "allow" Mommy to buy stackers. The employee insisted they were hamburgers with bacon. What does the moron thing stackers are? They are hamburgers with bacon, cheese, and sauce. However, they are more expensive if they are ordered as hamburgers with bacon added, and then they messed up the amount of bacon I was supposed to get. Mommy may never order me BK again. What is a dog to do? Do I have to complain to the corporation myself? Mommy actually referred to letting the corporation know as a waste of time! Why do companies hire employees who think they should tell the customers what to do? Don't they know customers don't like to be argued with? Normally, I don't get upset over customer service issues until they affect a dog and his dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Burger King In Trouble)

The Office--The British Version

Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have been fans of The Office since it first came on the air. We will generally settle down to watch the show. This is why I was intrigued when I had the chance to see the original version of The Office which was on British television. I liked it, but it did leave me with some major questions. The main question is, why does the U. S. version of The Office need a billion or so writers when some of the lines were actually taken from the British show? I have to conclude that the writers on The Office (USA version) aren't very good at their jobs, and most of them must be on Facebook or Twitter rather than writing. In fact, I think that explains why the seasons haven't been as good as time goes on.....the writers are having to do their own writing which obviously is inferior to the British writers. Of course, this is merely my opinion, but as such, is correct and not for anyone to question. After all, I'm a dog so I'm right.

Speaking of humans who aren't doing their jobs properly, it was way too hot here a couple of days ago. This prompted me to have a long talk with Mother Nature. I pointed out that she is getting old and possibly going senile, and she can be replaced. It is much cooler today so I am happy to report that Mother Nature got with the program and cooled things down here. This is one Siberian Husky who does not like heat and will give out some puppy slaps of justice if the weather gets too hot. Even the humans were complaining about the heat. Of course, you have to ignore many of their complaints because they tend to complain about everything! I am glad Mother Nature saw the error of her ways and fixed things. I was afraid that the birds might have been persuading her to make it too hot. Those evil birds are bent on world domination., If only the humans could see how evil they are, but the humans hear them sing and think all is well.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Office and Mother Nature)

Royal Couple Can't Dress Themselves?

Once again, I have received a letter from my pal, the Queen of England. As usual, she is writing to me because she knows I understand her problems with her family. I have decided to share the letter so we can all see how tough life is for the Queen.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
Now that the royal wedding is over, I was hoping to settle down and have the chance to relax. I hoped that my grandson and his new wife would settle in happily at their new home. However, you can imagine my embarrassment to find that they are now planning to hire a housekeeper and a dresser. I realize that a housekeeper might be necessary, but can you imagine how hard it is for a mother to admit that her descendants don't have enough sense to dress themselves? I can only imagine what the neighbors are saying......"I see the kids can't dress themselves.....we knew those kids were idiots from the time they were toddlers". I am hoping that the kids will learn how to dress themselves so that I can hold my head up high once again. Thanks for your encouragement, Demon Flash Bandit. I don't know what I would do without the wise counsel of an intelligent dog such as yourself.

Love, The Queen Lady

As you can see, being the Queen is not easy. There is another person in the news who is having a rough time with the media at the moment. That man is Congressman Weiner, and he is involved in something called Weinergate. I thought it might be an interesting story involving hot dogs, which are quite tasty, but it turns out it is stupid.....like most human news. That is why I haven't bothered to write much about it. I would rather concentrate on important stories. For example, there was an ad for Bit o Luv treats, which I happen to love. When my humans went to the store, the treats never arrived. This should be front page news. When a dog's favorite treats aren't available, something needs to be done. However, the media is so busy discussing Weinergate, the story of the lack of Bit o Luvs did not get covered. This is what happens when humans are allowed to run things. They have no ability to priotitize!

I hope all my readers stay cool. It has been too hot here.

Demon Flash Bandit (Royal Couple Can't Dress Themselves)

There's No Need to Fear: UNDERDOG is Here!

It is hot here today, and this dog is not pleased. I plan to have Mother Nature relieved of her duties since she is obviously senile and no longer able to properly do her job.

As you know, I am always getting letters from my celebrity friends, and I like to share them with my readers. Today I have one from a true VIP (Very Important Puppy). Yes, you guessed it, the letter is from Underdog.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I want you to know that your friendship means so much to me. When a dog like myself has to spend much of the day fighting evil-doers, it is good to be able to relax and think about my pals at the end of the day. Remember Demon Flash Bandit, there's no need to fear.....Underdog is here. Say hello to Angel Zoom Smokey for me.

Love, Underdog

I am so lucky to know wo many celebrities.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)

I Do Not Have Huge Paws!

I want to announce that the Weekly World News website has announced that there is a Siberian Yeti or "Big Foot". I am a Siberian Husky and those are not my paw prints there. Sure, I have big paws, but not big enough to be called "Big Foot". I hope the "experts" find the imposter who is trying to make me look bad.

It seems that the X-Files in Australia have been lost. Some people may think it is a government conspiracy to avoid telling the humans there about alien spacecraft, but I think it was a deliberate act by a bunch of high school algebra students who were sick and tired of looking for "x".

There was an ad for Bit of Luv in the newspaper Sunday, and the store never got them. I happen to love Bit of Luv so I hope that store gets off its butt and gets some in. It is a shame when a store doesn't have one of a dog's favorite treats!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Normal Size Paws)

Palin Should Not Be Allowed to Discuss Historical Events

Sarah Palin has been giving history lessons again which might be okay if she happened to actually have a clue as to what happened in history. Most of us learned as puppies that Paul Revere rode his famous ride to warn the colonists that the British were coming. I'm surprised Sarah Palin's version didn't have him riding around warning the colonists that they need to clean up their homes and make some tea because the British were coming for a tea party. This dog is of the opinion that it should be illegal for stupid people to say stuff, and definitely illegal for them to run for political office. However, they do make the elections funny with some of the things they "invent". If Palin had passed a history course ( and I don't see how that is possible), she would know that carrying guns back then was no big deal. Gun control was not an issue, and the guns, being muskets, weren't exactly automatic weapons. I'm not that knowledgable about guns, because the guns' triggers are difficult for a dog to use. However, I am going to assume that a musket was probably just a step above a bow and arrow. I bet she has some interesting stories about George Washington to share with the country. I bet he was President and reality show star according to Palin.

If you want to learn history accurately, ask a dog. We are so much more intelligent that the smart humans. As much as I hate to say this, even the birds are smarter than Palin!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Palin)

Interest: I'm not Interested!

I have been seeing a lot of stuff in the news about banks and the economy which is in something the humans call a recession. I personally think this is silly since it isn't like the money just disappeared. I'm sure there are some humans causing trouble (as usual), but I will take this opportunity to share a letter I sent to my bank. The humans might put up with the banks' shenanigans, but dogs do not!

Dear Blood Sucking Vampires, Leeches, Ticks, Fleas, Birds, MothMan, the Chebacapra Dude, Freddy Krueger, Barbarians, Tom Cruise, Teletubbies, and Barney the Purple Dinosaur,
(This is always the proper salutation to use when dealing with bankers.)

Your bank gave me 5 million dollars to buy a new doghouse. I thought it was very sweet of you to think of me, and I can only assume that you enjoyed my blog. However, my initial appreciation quickly turned to annoyance when you sent me a payment book and expected me to give you the 5 million dollars back---WITH INTEREST!!!! I don't even see why you call it interest since I am not "interested" in paying you back more than you sent me in the first place. You should know that if you give a dog 5 million dollars, that dog don't hunt Monsignor. In fact, I am paying humans to carry me from place to place, and I hired another dog to do my peeing for me. What do you expect a dog with 5 million dollars to do? Do his own peeing? I think not! Did you really expect me to read all the boring blah, blah, blah stuff on the paperwork I pawtographed. I thought you were just asking for my pawtograph because of my fame as a blogger.

Just so you will know the money was well spent, 2 million was given to charity--the Demon Flash Bandit fund for Demon Flash Bandit. Another 2 million was spent on a robot dog of me so that I can do my whining in stereo. The last million was spent on Burger King gift cards, milkbones, and dingo bones. I bet you feel like a bunch of nitwits now expecting a dog to give you back money that is already spent. I do have a word of advice for your bank in the future. Don't expect a dog to pay you back. You can only expect such silliness from the humans.

Thanks again for the 5 million dollar gift. I am enjoying it.

Love, Demon Flash Bandit

P.S. I just watched Sesame Street and the reason Oscar the Grouch is such a grouch is because you bankers repossessed his home and he is having to live in a garbage can. I think all of you should be locked up and forced to watch the telvision program, Mister Rogers. I can't think of a worse punishment than that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing A Letter)

Stuntdog and My Bus Tour of Historical Dog Sights

I have some exciting news today from my brother's blog ( http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ ). My brother is now selling products featuring his logo (or mascot) and my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. I am planning on having a launch of my own products with me on them, but I'm not extremely cooperative about having my photo made so it will take awhile. I keep telling the humans that models are paid for their time and trouble, and I happen to be a lot handsomer than the human models. Anyway, for anyone interested in looking at Phantom's products, all you have to do is go to the main page of his site, and there is a link to his new store.

I have been a super busy dog since being chosen as http://www.dogster.com/ dog of the week. How many of you saw me on Colbert's show? I had to turn Leno down because I didn't like how the network treated Conan so, although Leno and NBC was begging me to grace them with my attendance, I refused. Sometimes a dog has to take a stand. I was pleased to be on Conan's show. When he said to the audience, "put your paws together for Demon Flash Bandit", I felt so honored!!!

Maybe I'll get a bus and do a bus tour like Sarah Palin is doing at the moment. I can go to the really important spots in American history. I can see the town with the mayor who is a dog (Rabbit Hatch, Kentucky), I can watch the ships sail in the Great Lakes under the direction of Captain Imma Dog. I can stand on the site where John Fitzgerald Canine barked, "ask not where your milkbones are, ask the humans to buy you another box!". Yes, I think a bus tour of famous dog sites would be a perfect summer vacation. How many of you would like to join me on the tour?

Demon Flash Bandit (Touring Important Spots in Dog History)

Worst People List from Russellville, Arkansas

The Russellville Middle School in Arkansas published their yearbook which has some parents highly upset. It turns out that there was a list of The Worst People, and the list had 5 names. The first was Adolph Hitler, the second was Osama Bin Laden, the third was Charles Manson, the fourth was George W. Bush and the fifth was Dick Cheney. It sounds to this dog like the students at that school took their "freedom of speech" very seriously. I can only assume the reason those parents are upset is because they thought that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney should have been at the top of the list. Personally, I don't think George W. Bush is really the "worst man", but I would definitely list him at the top of an "incompetent president" list. Dick Cheney on the other paw has worked hard to be as "unpleasant" as possible. He was in and out of hospitals where the doctors kept looking in vain to find his heart. With all that medical school behind them, they should have realized that you can't find something that doesn't exist. The school tried to solve the problem by putting tape over the two names, but the parents complained that you can remove the tape. If you are a parent and you find it offensive, why would you bother to remove the tape? Are these humans who just don't have enough problems in their lives so they have to try to find more? I thought this was the most hilarious news item I've seen in a long time. I have a word of advice for anyone who is aspiring to run for a major political office in the United States (or any other country for that matter), if you don't have a sense of humor, don't run. No matter who you are or what you do in life, everyone is not going to like you. It is hard to believe, but there are humans who don't like dogs or even puppies! I have no idea why a human wouldn't love a dog--we are the humans best friends, but it happens. This is why a sense of humor is important for aspiring politicians. There will always be humans who don't like them so it is best to find some humor and continue working to make things better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Freedom of Speech)

Dreaded Library Gang

There are pink bows around the streetlights in my town, Howell, Michigan. I'm not sure why they are there so I assume that they are for some super secret reason. Luckily, I am a smart dog who has given the matter a lot of thought (at least 5 minutes), and I have come up with an answer. Ever since my humans moved here is 1995, they have observed the presence of the "library gang". This is a gang of teens and pre-teens who hang out at the library after school until their parents get off from work. As you can imagine, any group of youngsters who are hanging out reading books and doing research make a formidable gang. Townspeople approach the library at their own risk because of their fear of this marauding group of book-readers. In inner cities, gangs mark their "territories" with gang related graffiti. It is only natural that the "library gang" would choose to mark their "territory" with pink bows. I can only imagine what evil the library gang is going to set loose on the town. I hope the town survives. My human brother Jeff says maybe the pink ribbon bows have something to do with breast cancer. Only a human could be so silly. Pink bows are festive and happy, and cancer is not something to be happy about having. It would make no sense for the bows to have any connection to cancer. I bet that is just what the library gang is hoping the humans will think. Thank goodness for us dogs who have the ability to think things through intelligently.

Demon Flash Bandit (Explaining Town's Bows)

The Only Good Flea is a Toy Flea

Fleas are the most useless things on the planet. I don't like them. Other dogs don't like them, and most humans don't like them. This brings me to my subject for today. Since fleas are annoying, useless pests, why do the humans have flea markets? I can think of no good reason to buy or sell fleas. I know I wouldn't buy a flea, and I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would. To be fair, I'm not quite sure that the markets sell fleas, but what kind of marketing concept is it to name a market after such an annoying pest? I know you can sell some of the humans almost anything, but you would think that even the humans would hear the words, flea market, and think that perhaps there are better places in which to shop. I would like to be able to report that my humans have never been to a flea market, but I'm sure at some point in their lives they have been to one. I have even heard Mommy say that Orlando, Florida has flea markets that sell only new stuff, are indoors, have air conditioning, and are open throughout the week. I suppose that is impressive since most flea markets don't have quite that level of shopping comfort. If you ask my opinion, if you must buy a flea, Amazon has some stuffed sqeaky dog toy fleas which (at the moment) are on sale for a mere $7.94. I think the stuffed variety is the only kind of flea that anyone should even consider buying. I used to have one (it met a fate that any dog would be happy to see a flea meet), and it was a fun toy. Skip the flea market and order the flea from Amazon right from your computer. You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Only Good Flea is Flea Dog Toy)