My New Demonflashbanditmobile!

I have written in past blogs about how I need my own car--a Demonflashbanditmobile. Imagine my surprise today when I see the perfect car for my needs. It is the Monkeemobile. The car is a customized 1967 Pontiac GTO, which is the kind of car that is perfect for me. A dog as cool as myself needs a car that isn't like every other car...it needs to stand out. The Monkeemobile does this. It is on auction at Ebay Motors, and the only problem is that my humans have not agreed to start bidding on it for me since they think that the present $60,000 bid (reserve not yet met) is more than they plan to spend on a car for the family dog. Since I am a dog blogger and the recipient of many dogster diary of the day choices, I do not understand why I have not made gadzillions of dollars myself. I have been told that my blog makes no money. I think this is probably just a ruse and the humans are pocketing my blog money. No wonder they live so well around here. Just yesterday, Mommy ate at White Castle, which is a gourmet, expensive hamburger place. I bet she is living it up on those burgers paid for with my money. I had McDonalds, but that does not count because a dog is not supposed to have to pay for anything. When we make money, it is our money, and should only be spent on important things....like an ascot rawhide so a dog can look classy and still have something to chew on later or a dingo bingo game. I have to go now and look over the humans' financial records. This dog is not going to be cheated out of blog money...surely I get paid for this blog. I have to stay awake to write it. Doesn't that count for something? Here is the link for those who want to see my future car:
http://www.autoblog.com/2012/04/29/ebay-find-of-the-day-1967-pontiac-gto-monkeemobile/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl13%7Csec3_lnk3%26pLid%3D156520

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)

Empty Mushrooms!

Due to the recession, there have been many humans who have lost their house to foreclosure by the bank. It is bad enough that so many humans have lost their homes because of it, but I was outside the other day, and I saw that is has hurt other creatures too. There were some mushrooms outside, and not one Smurf was in sight. Yes, even the little blue creatures have been touched by the foreclosure crisis. The Smurfs are lucky that they have Papa Smurf and Brainy Smurf to help them through this crisis, but where does a homeless Smurf live? Do they have to take up in the grass, or do they build treehouses? As anyone who watched television commercials can tell you, trees are already the home of the Keebler Elves who make cookies, and no one wants cookie production interrupted! Perhaps they can use some leaves to keep the rain off their little blue heads, but I think when the bank starts foreclosing on mushrooms, that is going too far!!! In honor of the homeless Smurfs, I am going to this site to play the cool game, whack a banker. You can join me there at this address:
http://www.funnygames.co.uk/whack-a-banker.htm
I hope the next time I see mushrooms that there are Smurfs living in them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Smurfs Need Their Mushroom Homes)

Dogs: Smarter Than the Humans!

Today there is an item in the news about a UFO seen over the skies of St. Petersburg, Russia. If you read the article, a Russian scientist named Sergei Smirnov of the Pulkovo Observatory stated that aliens think the people on Earth are idiots. I think he nailed it on that one. I'm a dog and I know the humans are stupid. I've watched them for years, and I often bark of it with my doggy pals. One of our favorite games to play is "Are you as stupid as a human?" So far, no dog has managed to win that game because the humans are just so much more stupid than us dogs! They don't realize that birds are evil and trying to take over the planet. They walk on their back paws instead of all fours which brings many of them to the emergency room of the hospital when they fall. Some of them don't have pets, and brace yourself, some of them don't have dogs, but they have CATS!!! What is the point of having a pet if that pet is a cat? Do you feed them so that when you are gone from home, the cat can let you know that he doesn't really care that you returned. I don't mind cats, but if I were a human, I would at least want a pet who cares that I have come home if I've got to pay for the cat's food. I could go on and on with how stupid the humans are, but all the dogs reading this know and I don't have to give details. If the humans were smart, companies would not have to put instructions on products like this one: "Warning: Fire in fireplace gets hot...do not put any part of your body in the fire". Yes, the humans do a lot of really stupid things!

For those who would like to read about the UFO over Russia, here is the link:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/27/ufos-invade-skies-above-russia-st-petersburg_n_1457608.html?ref=weird-news&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl4%7Csec3_lnk3%26pLid%3D156146

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs: Smarter Than Humans)

Movie Review: American Reunion

I'll admit that I wasn't sure that this movie would be a good sequel to the American Pie movies largely because there have been so many "direct to dvd" movies made from this franchise. However, I was pleasantly surprised that it was very funny, and I enjoyed it. No, it is not "best picture" quality, but it is a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours, and I think most people who like the American Pie series will enjoy it. The class of 99 gets together for a reunion after about 13 years. One of my human brothers was in the class of 98 so Mommy still thinks of that age group as "kids", but I suppose since most of them are in the 30's now, they aren't exactly children anymore. Of course, if Mommy admits how old they are, that would make her age much older too, and most of the humans don't seem to enjoy getting older. Anyway, I recommend this movie if you want to see a comedy in which you can just sit back and laugh. I do not recommend it for young viewers because there are some scenes that would not be wise for them to see. I give this movie 4 paws up which is a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Latest On Hank the Cat's Senate Campaign

I'm sure some of you are wondering what is going on with Hank the Cat's senate campaign. Today I have a link that has the latest on his campaign, and here it is:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/26/hank-the-cat-senate-virginia-2016_n_1452934.html
I know that a cat would be better than a human, but I'm not sure how much better. I think only a dog can be a serious candidate since we care about the humans. Cats don't even get excited when their humans come home after being gone. Can the humans really trust them to make good decisions for them? I think not! Dogs, on the other hand, love our humans and want to make their lives better. In addition, dogs are smarter than cats. It has been proven scientifically, and the results are published in the Demon Flash Bandit Scientific Journal of Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats! I hope all my readers remember, vote for dogs and not cats, and on that note, I am still considering a run for the White House. After all, I am a Siberian Husky, and we do love to run!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hank the Cat)

A Cow With Anger Issues

There has been a case of mad cow disease diagnosed in California. You don't usually hear of cows with anger issues, but hopefully, with some therapy from a certified bovine psychiatrist, the cow can learn to deal with her anger issues. I'm guessing it will take some time for them to go back into the cow's childhood to discover what emotional issues are causing all the anger. Perhaps she talked to another cow who escaped and headed for a McDonalds drive-thru, and discovered what McDonalds serves in their buns. The link to that story is:
http://now.msn.com/living/0424-cow-goes-to-mcdonalds.aspx
Personally, I think the cow probably headed to McDonalds to grab a milkshake which is much tastier than plain milk, and in the process discovered what is in the hamburgers. Sure, you would think it would be pork since ham is a pork product, but the humans don't call them beefburgers--they call them hamburgers. I have no idea why, but I also don't understand why the humans try to walk on their back paws when walking on all 4 paws makes a lot more sense.

I wonder if that new television program starring Charlie Sheen, Anger Management, might be casting for a mad cow, and the cow is just trying to get a chance to try out for the part. It would be interesting if the show had a cow as a psychiatric patient.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Cow With Anger Issues)

Searching for Sesame Street

Birds: are they evil varmints that are trying to take over the world? Yes, of course they are! Do the humans understand their evil plans? No, of course not--they are humans! In fact, one giant bird in particular worries me more than the regular little birds because the humans, from an early age, idolize this bird. The bird is a giant and he is yellow, and he is called...get ready for a totally unimaginative name....Big Bird! I've seen him on t-shirts and there are stuffed toys that look like Big Bird that children are allowed to play with. I can't tell you how upsetting it is for an intelligent dog like myself to see a small human puppy playing with such an evil thing. Of course, they have no idea he is evil. I'm sure he is waiting until the right moment to lead his bird army to take over the planet. I guess us dogs are going to have to take matters into our own paws, and go and get rid of this evil creature. Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street?

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Sesame Street)

Cancer Causing Chemicals

Today's topic is serious. Some lawn chemicals have been linked to cancer in dogs which is not surprising considering that "Agent Orange", the chemicals used by the U.S. Army in Vietnam to kill the plants in the jungle have caused many health problems for the people who were exposed to them. For years afterward, many of those same chemicals were in the weed killers used on lawns. My human dad was one of those soldiers who was exposed to Agent Orange and he died 5 years ago because of the chemicals. Here is the link to the story:
http://health.msn.com/healthy-living/the-lawn-habit-thats-killing-your-dog?g
My guess is that, although dogs get more exposure due to us being close to the ground and, on average, smaller than the humans; I doubt if it is good for them either.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cancer Causing Chemicals)

T-Shirt Prize Announcement!

Today I have a big announcement to make--the winner of the ultra cool Demon Flash Bandit t-shirt is (howling and drum roll here) FINLEY!!!! Finley, get in touch with me at demonflashbandit@gmail.com to make arrangements for me to ship you your prize. I know this is probably the most exciting news you have ever had in your life. I hope that you enjoy the shirt. I'm sorry it took a couple of days to announce it, but I had to get my lazy human to get all the names from the comments on here and the pawmail on dogster, and all us dogs know how hard it is to motivate the humans to get things done! I've said it many times, if my human didn't work free, I would fire her. She had to write down all the names on separate sheets of paper so they could be drawn out of a hat. It was very low tech, but that method has worked for years so is it okay to use it for a contest. Thanks to everyone who participated, and I might be giving another one away soon so keep watching for your chance to win!

Mother Nature has once again went nuts around here, but this dog is not complaining. It was so warm here last month that I was afraid that it would be 100 F by this month, but it is actually cool so I am very happy about that. I really think that I could easily solve this whole global warming problem by getting rid of those rotten birds who cause it, and also by replacing Mother Nature who is obviously old and senile. You would think the humans could solve such an easy problem. This is why dogs should be running the world.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mother Nature Needs to be Replaced)

Quill: The Life of a Guide Dog

I saw a trailer for a movie today that is being released in Japan called, "Quill: the Life of a Guide Dog". This looks like a great movie, and I hope it will be released in the United States so I can watch it because it has everything that makes a movie great....dogs, puppies, did I mention dogs? For those who would like to see the trailer for the movie, here is the link:
http://now.msn.com/living/0420-blind-puppy-trailer.aspx?gt150501 This looks like an Best Picture Oscar movie to me!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Movie Trailer Link)

This Dog is Not a Teacher!

Mommy made an announcement today that really surprised me. She wants an iPad. The lady who usually chooses the least complicated cell phone and barely uses it for anything other than occasional conversations, and makes fun of the younger people for texting. She said if she has a phone, there will be no typing! What made her suddenly want an iPad? She found that the iPad has free apps that involve dogs. You can check your dog's horoscope, have a dog clean out your screen from the "inside", translate dog talk, and more. She says that she never realized just how cool apps can be until she saw the free apps that you can get with the iPad. Here is the link for those who have an iPad, and want to get them:
http://www.dogchannel.com/dog-blog/mutterings-with-nikki-moustaki/dog-apps.aspx?cm_mmc=5303334
I'm wondering if she gets one of those padded phones, will she be able to use it or will Angel and I have to show her how? I hope not because all us dogs know how hard it is to teach the humans anything!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Is Not a Teacher!)

Alexander the Great Dane

Yesterday's blog was about the dog in Texas who was shot and killed by a policeman who was responding to a domestic violence case at the wrong address. Today I was lucky enough to get an interview with a dog from Texas named Alexander the Great Dane. My solution to the problem was to arm all the dogs in Texas. I was unaware that one of the dogs, Alex, my interviewee, is a dog who is already carrying a gun. He not only carries a gun, but he knows how to use it. He uses a stick to pull the trigger since he does not have a thumb, but he says so far he has never had to use his skills to shoot anyone. He just shoots when he does target practice. He says that the best part is that when he gets done with shooting, he has a stick to chew on which, as any dog will agree, is always a fun activity! Alex is quite the celebrity in Texas because Texans appreciate a dog who carries a gun. In fact, Alex says he knows a cat who also carries a gun, but I'm not discussing cat carrying guns in my blog so I won't bother with him. However, Alex is a bit worried about him because there are rumors that the cat is training an army of Persian cats and Alexander the Great is a bit concerned about the threat of cats trying to take over the state. For any dogs living in Texas, Alex is starting a school to train dogs to use guns so, if you are interested, be sure and contact Alex about attending or having him start a school in your area. I would act fast just in case he has to stop to deal with the army of Persian cats that might emerge. No self respecting dog can let a cat win in a fight!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Alexander the Great Dane)

Stupid Policeman In Austin, Texas Kills dog at Wrong Address

Today I am writing about a subject that has made me very angry. In Austin, Texas, a dog was shot by a policeman who was responding to a domestic violence call at the wrong address. The dog was minding his own business and when the policeman came up, the dog barked at him.....if anyone knows anything about dogs, that is what we do. In this case, the policeman shouldn't have been there in the first place...as I have pointed out, he was at the wrong address. I think this policeman should be fired and possibly have animal cruelty charges brought against him. Even if he knew nothing about dogs, and was afraid the dog was going to bite him; there are other ways to deal with it. He did not have to shoot and kill the dog! I have a solution to this problem that would work great in Texas. Since Texas has more guns that people, I say arm the dogs and teach them to shoot. The next time some idiot policeman comes to the wrong address and threatens to kill a dog; the dog can shoot first and ask questions later...just like the policeman did in this case. There have been way too many cases of policemen killing dogs in recent months, and I think this is ridiculous. If a policeman can't even deal with a dog, how are they supposed to deal with criminals whose behavior tends to be a lot worse than that of dogs? Most dogs don't attack unless they are protecting their home and loved ones. When did the police forces start hiring such idiots? I know some intelligent policemen, and these idiots make them all look bad which I think is wrong because humans and dogs should like the police and trust them---not wonder if they have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Here is a link to the article:


http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/17/11250094-officer-shoots-mans-dog-after-911-caller-gives-wrong-address?lite





Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Stupid Policeman in Texas)

Dogs Classier Than Most Humans!

Pippa Middleton was in the car with a man who was waving a gun around who pointed it at a photographer. I'm sure all of us can understand that it is hard for Pippa having to live in the ghetto, and deal with the people from the "hood". You would think that being related to one of the royal family, that she would not have to hang out with thugs. I have a suggestion that will help the royal family look smarter and more classy--have the tabloids follow the royal dogs around. I'm sure the dogs are much more fun to follow, and they don't ever end up in the news doing anything stupid. Sure, maybe one might have an "accident" on occasion, but who says that the humans won't end up having an accident too? I think the real reason the news reporters don't follow us dogs around is that we would make the humans look bad in comparison.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Classier Than Most Humans)

Dogs Love Bacon!

Today I am going to share a video from youtube that shows some dogs who really love bacon. Since I happen to be very fond of bacon myself, I can identify with these dogs. Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgmPc4t6oUM
I don't think I have ever met a dog who didn't love bacon. It is one of the worlds tastiest foods so if you want to make a dog happy, offer him or her some bacon. They will love you for it!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bacon)

Lifeboats for Dogs

Today there was a car accident that happened on the road in which I usually travel. It wasn't a bad car accident, but there was a dog involved. The dog seemed to be okay, but let this be a lesson to the humans-when a dog is in the car, be extra careful. I know my humans are.

This brings me to my subject of the day....there is much talk on the news about the Titanic. This is because a lot of the humans may not have heard about it yet since it happened 100 years ago. I was reading an article about dogs on board the Titanic, and I had not been aware that dogs were on the voyage too. Twelve dogs were on the voyage and only 3 survived--all 3 of those were small dogs who the humans were able to keep with them. This is an outrage! Why was there not enough lifeboats for all the dogs? Humans made the lifeboat decision, and if they want to take their chances, that is okay, but dogs should have had enough lifeboats for them particularly when there were only 12 of them. I think that the person who was in charge of not having enough lifeboats should be identified, and all us dogs can visit the gravesite and lift our legs to show what we think of that decision. It is the best way us dogs can express our contempt. I hope that there are enough lifeboats for the dogs who travel on cruises now.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Need Enough Lifeboats)

Herd the Alligators to Gatorland

Yesterday I wrote a blog about how a dog should not have an alligator as a pet. Today, after reading my blog, the Internet news had some news about alligators. As usual, I, Demon Flash Bandit, have set the pace for the news the following day. I don't know what they would do without me to give them things to write about. Anyway, an alligator bit a person in a hotel room in Lousiana. In another news item, a lady in Florida came home to find an alligator in her house. The assumption is that it got in through the doggy door, and she thinks it wanted to eat her cats. Does the stupid alligator not realize that cats are not for alligators to eat? They are for dogs. I wouldn't eat a cat, but if anyone eats a cat, it should be a dog. Alligators can eat many other types of animals in the wild. They should leave the cats alone. Besides, they might not get filled up completely on cats and then they might go after the family dog. This is why I think all alligators should be in Gatorland in Orlando, Florida where they belong. Can't the states that have them hire some "gatorboys" (like cowboys for cows), who can herd all the alligators to Gatorland. At least there the humans can enjoy watching them, and they don't cause any trouble. If only dogs were running the world....humans never think of solutions that make sense. Here is the story of the alligators mentioned in the news:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/12/alligator-visits-louisian_0_n_1420218.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl16%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D152115

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Would Hire "Gatorboys")

Alligators Are Not Good Pets!

I don't think I have to bother to write much about how humans make great pets for dogs. There are so many dogs who own humans; and for the most part, the humans do make delightful pets. You can imagine my surprise the other day when I had a dog tell me that he had a pet alligator. I think this is a silly pet for a dog to have. In fact, when a dog gets too close to an alligator, the dog might become the alligator's dinner. Sure, they do have nice teeth similar to us dogs, but that does not make for a good pet. I told my dog pal to stick with humans because alligators are just too dangerous. I hope he listens because I think alligators should stay in their home in Orlando, Florida-Gatorland.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Alligators)

Candy Corn: A Delicious Vegetable

My blog today is a public service to the humans to let them know that vegetables are good for you, and some of them are quite delicious. For example, yesterday I had some Easter pastel candy corns. These are delicious little sugar snacks that are both vegetables and candy. I know I could eat these veggies everyday, and never feel like I am eating health food. I know they have to be healthy because I've heard the nutritionists say that vegetables are healthy. This means that a dog (or human) can eat candy corn and be eating a nutritious and tasty item. I think they should be added to the dog food. I think dogs would eat their food better if it was chicken and candy corn flavor. Those little corns can make a dog enjoy their dinner! Remember, buy them and eat them with every meal. You'll be taking a step toward a healthier life!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Candy Corn)

Movie Review: Dr. Seuss' The Lorax

Today I am going to do a movie review of Dr. Seuss' The Lorax. This movie stars Danny DeVito as the Lorax, who is guardian of the forest who speaks for the trees. Personally, I think the trees would have been better off if they had learned to speak for themselves like the trees in The Lord of the Rings. However, these trees kept quiet while they were being cut down. Perhaps a well timed, don't cut me down, might have scared off the lumberjacks who destroyed them. Anyway, this movie is about a time when all the trees are gone, and everyone lives in a town where everything is "artificial" which means they must have filmed it in Las Vegas, Nevada. It was a good movie particularly when it is hard to turn a Dr. Seuss book into a regular length movie because his books are meant for children, and therefore are not lengthy. However, the message of the book is good. If all the trees were gone, what would us dogs have to water? I can't spoil the ending so you will just have to watch the movie if you want to know how it ended.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: Dr. Seuss' The Lorax)

Dog At the Door?

For those of my readers of the dog persuasion (yes, I'm sure there are some humans reading this too), I'm sure you have been in a position where you are outside and wish to come in. Since I know how to open the door, this is a simple task for me, but not all dogs know how to open the door and I can only open it from one side. I can't pull it, but I can push it open after I turn the knob. How do you let the humans know you are ready to come inside again? Do you scratch at the door, bark, cry, or perhaps jump up and down at a window? There is an easier way-with a pet doorbell, the key on your collar will activate a doggy doorbell to let your humans know that you want to rejoin them inside. As long as you have humans who know how to operate the door (all of us dogs know that some of them aren't that smart), you can be allowed in without having to go to so much trouble. Here is more information about the product.
http://www.homedepot.com/buy/outdoors/garden-center/petsafe/smart-pet-doorbell-93636.html
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog At the Door)

Happy Easter, and Let the Dog Sleep Late!

Today is Easter so I hope everyone has a pleasant holiday. My brother Jeff had to work so he woke me at the undogly hour of 8:30 AM. I was VERY annoyed at being awakened so early. Mommy thought telling me that some people get up for Easter church services at sunrise would make me feel better. It did not-it does show a dog how silly the humans are. Do they really think the supreme ruler of the universe gets up early? He won't if he thinks anything like Demon Flash Bandit. I would think he would be pleased if the humans let him sleep in particularly on a holiday. Humans....I'll never understand their thinking. Can't they let anyone enjoy a good night's sleep?

When you finally get up for the day, here is a game about the Easter bunny that you can play:
http://www.flasharcade.com/adventure-games/easter-bunny-game.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Easter to my Readers)

I Am the Proud Owner of a Fur Factory

Due to the recent recession which does seem to be getting better, there are many factories that have closed their doors and are now empty. The workers who worked there in the past are no longer working at those jobs. However, I like to impart good news to my readers so I want to discuss one factory that was never slowed by the economy. That factory is my fur factory. My humans are always saying that I'm shedding a lot of fur which seems to be a common thing said among Siberian Husky owners. However, that is erroneous information. Actually, I am not shedding my fur because I happen to be a fur factory and production has been good. In fact, it has been good since I was a puppy, and it continues to flourish. Instead of complaining about it, the humans should be happy that one segment of the economy, fur production, is doing well. In fact, I plan to start selling my fur on the Internet. Who wouldn't want my fur decorating their home? I think it looks lovely on everything. Besides, a human can have a fur coat without feeling bad about harming any small animals. I think coats made with fur from our factories will be the furs of the future--and we all know how expensive the fur coats happen to be. We dogs are going to make a fortune!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fur Factory Owner)

Smart Phones

The humans call some of the new cell phones, "smart phones". I am wondering just how smart a phone has to be before it becomes a smart phone. Do they give recently manufactured phones an IQ test to see if they are smart enough to be sold as smart phones? Another thing, what if you bought a phone that just barely made it onto the smart phone shelf? Does that mean that your phone may act stupid at times because it isn't as smart as the other phones in the group? These are important questions to ask before buying a phone. Do you have to be a smart human to buy a smart phone because it seems silly for a stupid human to own a smart phone? These are questions that would have troubled philosphers for centuries if there had been phones in past centuries. There is a young man in China who recently sold a kidney to get a smart phone. I think it is very sad that the humans feel they need some of the technology to the point that they would sell something so important to survival. Now he is in renal failure--all for a smart phone. Personally, from what I've seen of the telephone calls my humans get, getting rid of the phone would be the smartest move they could make. Most of the phone calls are stupid and just take time away from spending that time with me which is how it should be spent--with a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Smart Phones)

When Chickens Attack!

I have a video to share with my readers today. Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybVb3t560oY
As you can see in this video, there are 2 rabbits playing happily with each other when they are viciously attacked by 2 chickens. As a dog who does not like birds and has been warning my readers of their nastiness, I think this video says it better than words. Easter will be here in a few days, and those nasty chickens attacked the Easter Bunny's helpers. I think they are probably jealous that the rabbits made their eggs interesting by turning them into works of art. Chickens lay eggs that are white or brown and uninteresting looking. The bunnies make them beautiful. The next time you see a bird flying over who is probably planning to drop a white bird bomb on your head, remember this video and let's all get together on the eradication of birds from the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Friend of Bunnies)

Pet Tax Deductions

Several days ago I wrote about possibly winning the mega millions lottery which I did buy a ticket for and did not win. Who would have expected that outcome? Anyway, I was writing about how I should not have to pay taxes on a winning lottery number since I'm a dog and a dog does not qualify for government benefits nor can we be declared as dependents on our humans taxes. (This is for the United States-other countries might be more progressive with dogs). Today I did see that congress is considering allowing the humans to declare the money they spend on their pets as tax deductions. I doubt that it will pass, but I think it is time for the humans and all us dogs to start a letter writing campaign. I bet the politicians haven't stopped to think that many dogs don't bother to vote so I think the humans had better step back and let us dogs be heard. Then maybe they would get our votes. There are dogs running cities, and I'm thinking about running for President. If you ask me, we dogs couldn't do any worse running things than the humans anyway. Here is more information on the subject:
http://money.msn.com/tax-tips/post.aspx?post=5cf66966-07f6-4eae-bf0f-09bceeb94824

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to be a Tax Deduction)

I've Solved the Enigma of Big Foot!

I'm quite sure that I'm not the only dog who has wondered whether the creature, Big Foot, is real or not. However, I am the dog with the answer. The way to find out is so simple that I'm amazed the humans didn't think of it except for the fact that they aren't as intelligent as us dogs. To find out more about the creature, all you have to do is find out where he buys his shoes. Since there are some shoe stores that cater to those with bigger feet, all you have to is to have the government get the list of the shoppers who buy the big shoes. For example, one site,
http://largefeet.com/index.php has men's shoes up to a size 22. I think it is safe to say that anyone buying a size 22 has big feet. Thus, the enigma of Big Foot has been solved, and once again, that solution came from a canine. What would the humans do without their dogs? Most of them don't have enough sense to even know what to do with their porcelain drinking bowls. I won't even tell you what they use them for--it is too disgusting to put in a blog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Yet Another Human Puzzle)

Barney Banana: One of the Bunch

I have decided to introduce one of my cartoon pals, Barney Banana. Barney Banana used to be one of the bunch. However, he broke away from his pals; and he got his own comic book series. Barney might look like a regular banana what with his yellow peel, and his big smile, but he is not an ordinary banana. He has a regular job as a fruit basket model in art class, but when work is over, he becomes the infamous BananaMan. Whenever there is crime, whenever there is a problem, whenever there is an evil human, Barney is there to use his peel to make them fall. Today I read on the Internet that there is actually a condition known as bananaphobia in which some of the humans are afraid of bananas. After taking a good look at Barney, I don't understand how any of the humans can be afraid of him. He looks nice to me.

Spring Cleaning

Spring is in the air, and this dog wants to help the humans start cleaning the house. Most of us dogs like things to be super clean so we look forward to spring cleaning. Yes, I love working around the house. It is one of my favorite things to do. This is an April Fool's blog. I don't know how I managed to write those sentences about cleaning without cracking up. I honestly don't care if the house is clean or not. I would prefer to take a nap so I won't actually be doing any cleaning. We dogs are way to smart to get stuck helping the humans clean.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy April Fools Day)