I Own a Siberivarious Violin!

Strativarious violins have been considered the best violins ever made. As a dog who is a violinist, I'm sure you are thinking that, with all my dog talent, I must own a Strativarious violin. Of course, I always want to have the very best violin available to me in my paws so you might be surprised to learn that my violin is not a Strativarious. It is a much more expensive violin which is a Siberivarious. It is made by Siberian Huskies, and you know it has to be the best because dogs always do things better than humans. From the first time it is played by the paws of one of the talented huskies who made it, it brings sweet music to the world. Since I'm a blogger, I am fortunate that I can buy such a priceless item. Mommy says I make no money from my blog, but I'm sure I must be a cazillionaire by now. Humans aren't usually good in math so you can't trust them with numbers. Other dogs who read my blog have told me that I must be super rich to have such a successful blog. I can't disagree with them. Anyway, that is how I could afford such an expensive violin. I've got to go now, and play my violin. There are so few hours in the day for us talented dogs to use all our talents!

Demon Flash Bandit (Siberivarious Violin Owner)

I Won't Feed My Paw to the Gators!

I know this is something that us dogs know without even giving it much thought. It is never wise to feed your paw to an alligator. On the other paw, humans seem to have more problems learning these things. Wallace Weatherholt, who worked for Captain Doug's Airboat Tours in Florida recently lost his hand to a gator while on his job. It is unlawful to feed the gators in Florida (or I suppose anywhere else) except Gatorland, where you can purchase food to feed the gators. He is being charged with unlawful alligator feeding. There are a group of gators protesting the charges because they happen to enjoy having the humans feed them. This law worried me because what if the stupid humans ban other humans from feeding dogs? My humans always provide me with food, and it would be a lot of trouble for me to drive through drive-thru to order food for myself. I say if the man wants to feed a gator his hand, it really is not the government's business. I'm not so sure he meant to do it, but I still think it is a very silly law! Here is the link to the story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/29/wallace-weatherholt_n_1715979.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing8%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D186006
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Won't Feed Gator a Paw)

Barney Banana to Open Banana Republic Store

I wrote about a cool comic book character that is a hero of mine on April 2, 2012. That hero is Barney Banana. During the day he is a fruit model for an art class, but after his regular job, he becomes a super hero. His latest adventure is in starting his own Banana Republic. He is a very fashionable banana ( after all, he is a model) so he decided to start a Banana Republic store of his own. He approached me for advice because he knows that I am one of those super intelligent business dogs, and I suggested he have add a McDonalds or perhaps a whole food court into his clothing store. I know I prefer to buy food over clothing. In fact, I'm not particularly fond of clothing because I happen to look gorgeous in my fur, and if any of those people from PETA come and throw paint on my fur because it is a real fur, there will be trouble. I want to assure everyone that no animal was harmed by my fur. I grow it myself, and I've been known to shed a lot extra so that other animals can have some warm fur to enjoy. I hope Barney Banana does well with his new business, and I'm sure my readers will be happy to shop at his store. By the way, don't worry--he will still fight crime when he isn't selling clothes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Barney Banana)

Wonderful Wizard Who is a Dog!

Today's blog is the story of a heroic dog named Toto. Toto lived with his uncle and aunt in a farm in Kansas until one day a tornado hit, and he was transported to a magical land over the rainbow. This land was filled with dogs and was a very happy place except for some evil witch birds. Toto's house landed on the wicked bird witch of the East and the rest of the time in this land, he had to deal with her evil sister, the wicked witch bird of the West. Toto wanted to get home to his family. The chihuahuas who met him when he landed told him he should see the Wizard, who could find a magical way to get him home. They told him to follow the Dingo Bone Road. He set out to find the Wizard, and along the way he ended up with some travelling companions. He met the Scarecrow--the bird that needed a brain (like that isn't true of all birds). He met the robot dog who needed a heart, and the cowardly cat who needed courage. They went along the road singing this song:





We're off to see the Wizard, the Wizard who is a dog.
He really is a wizacle dog if ever a wizard dog there was.
Because of the wonderful things he does, the wizard of dog is a dog because
because...because....because.....because....BECAUSE
Because of the wonderful dog he is.
We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful wizard whose a dog!

Despite being a prisoner of the evil witch bird of the West for a short time, they made it to the Wizard, and all their dreams came true. What else would you expect? The wizard was a dog--not a stupid human who would make them face the Wicked Bird Witch of the West for a broom.

Demon Flash Bandit (Telling the Story of the Wizard of Dog)

Big Bird: Not to be Trusted

There is an outlet mall near my house, and there are some of those mechanical rides that entertain children at various spots in the mall. As a whole, I have nothing against these rides except for the one in which the child "rides" with Big Bird. As a dog who does not trust birds, this ride worries me because I think it was placed there by birds to try to win the trust of the humans while they are small, and then they will be in the position to take over the planet once the children grow up. Those humans won't think the birds are evil because they will remember riding with Big Bird--who is actually an evil bird. How can I prove Big Bird is evil? He is a bird, is he not? If that isn't enough proof, I don't know what is. I haven't seen such an obvious trick to poison the minds of young people since Jerry Falwell exposed the purple Teletubby as being gay. How many young minds were corrupted by that horrible Teletubby? Yet, the teletubby is not nearly as bad as Big Bird, who is helping his species take over the planet. It takes a dog to see that Big Bird ride for what it really is: corruption of this country's toddlers. As a show of solidarity with dogs everywhere, I plan to eat chicken for dinner. That will teach those birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Big Bird-or Any Bird)

Move Review: Sex and the City

I have never done a movie review for Sex and the City. That is because I never saw the movies. I skipped the movies because I watched the television show once, and that was enough for this dog. However, for those who might be wondering if they are worth seeing, I will tell you my opinion of the television episode that I watched. The show involved some women who live in a big city--I'm assuming it is New York City, but I'm not entirely sure. I think there were 4 of them, but there might have been only 3. To be honest, I really never got that interested in learning about the characters. Why? Because basically, all they seemed to do was eat, complain, and talk about shoes. I don't mind the eating part. We dogs are fond of eating. However, the complaining made it hard to watch. It didn't look like the women had hard lives or anything, but you wouldn't know that by listening to them. Also, I found them quite unlikeable. They weren't even particularly nice to each other. Shoes were another big deal. As a dog, I have to admit that I have never eaten a shoe...not that they don't look tempting, but I have never eaten one. I think that could be because, even as a puppy, my humans always made sure I had toys and rawhide bones to chew on when I was in the mood to chew. Plus, they are usually with me so it is a bit harder to chew a shoe when the humans are with you. However, I do not think that an expensive booty would taste any better than an inexpensive booty. In the episode I watched, one of the women was all upset because she was always having to buy wedding gifts and baby gifts for friends and she didn't get any herself. After complaining about that for much of the episode, I turned the television off. If I want to hear complaints, I'll go to a mirror and complain myself. We dogs are not allowed to go in a lot of places including that restaurant that those women were at so I think I have far more valid complaints, and all of that because I'm a dog. Yet, I'm a dog who is smarter than those idiot women on Sex and the City. I can prove I'm smarter. If the lady didn't want to buy her friends a gift and she resented it so much, why not just not give them a gift. That woman needs a dog to give her practical advice. A gift is something you give because you want to give the person something. If you don't want to give a gift, you don't have to. It is a shame that the ladies on that show aren't smart enough to know that on their own. I would suggest not watching the movies or television show unless you have nothing better to do with your life. They are boring and stupid. I give them 4 paws down!

Demon Flash Bandit (Reviewing Sex and the City)

Trongs: For Food That is Paw Licking Good!

I ran across a new product called trongs. The trongs were invented so the humans can eat food that, most of the time, is eaten with fingers, leaving fingers greasy and "dirty". I'm sure the humans will like this product, but as a dog, I don't see the point. I usually just pick up the food in my mouth and my paws stay clean. If the humans could learn to eat that way, they would not need any utensils. Of course, you can't expect the humans to know that because humans aren't as smart as dogs. If I do hold food in my paws, I have no problem with licking my paws. In fact, licking food off of paws is a lot of fun, and enjoyable because a dog gets some extra food. I have often said that some food is paw licking good! I am sure that this product will not sell well among dogs, but I'm sure it will do okay with the humans. Humans--always inventing products that dogs find useless! For those who are interested in this product, here is the link:

http://now.msn.com/learn-how-to-use-trongs-to-eat-your-finger-food-in-this-informercial-viral-video
Demon Flash Bandit (Paw Licking Good)