Move Review: Sex and the City

I have never done a movie review for Sex and the City. That is because I never saw the movies. I skipped the movies because I watched the television show once, and that was enough for this dog. However, for those who might be wondering if they are worth seeing, I will tell you my opinion of the television episode that I watched. The show involved some women who live in a big city--I'm assuming it is New York City, but I'm not entirely sure. I think there were 4 of them, but there might have been only 3. To be honest, I really never got that interested in learning about the characters. Why? Because basically, all they seemed to do was eat, complain, and talk about shoes. I don't mind the eating part. We dogs are fond of eating. However, the complaining made it hard to watch. It didn't look like the women had hard lives or anything, but you wouldn't know that by listening to them. Also, I found them quite unlikeable. They weren't even particularly nice to each other. Shoes were another big deal. As a dog, I have to admit that I have never eaten a shoe...not that they don't look tempting, but I have never eaten one. I think that could be because, even as a puppy, my humans always made sure I had toys and rawhide bones to chew on when I was in the mood to chew. Plus, they are usually with me so it is a bit harder to chew a shoe when the humans are with you. However, I do not think that an expensive booty would taste any better than an inexpensive booty. In the episode I watched, one of the women was all upset because she was always having to buy wedding gifts and baby gifts for friends and she didn't get any herself. After complaining about that for much of the episode, I turned the television off. If I want to hear complaints, I'll go to a mirror and complain myself. We dogs are not allowed to go in a lot of places including that restaurant that those women were at so I think I have far more valid complaints, and all of that because I'm a dog. Yet, I'm a dog who is smarter than those idiot women on Sex and the City. I can prove I'm smarter. If the lady didn't want to buy her friends a gift and she resented it so much, why not just not give them a gift. That woman needs a dog to give her practical advice. A gift is something you give because you want to give the person something. If you don't want to give a gift, you don't have to. It is a shame that the ladies on that show aren't smart enough to know that on their own. I would suggest not watching the movies or television show unless you have nothing better to do with your life. They are boring and stupid. I give them 4 paws down!

Demon Flash Bandit (Reviewing Sex and the City)

Need Advice: Ask a Dog!

I have already written a blog today, but I decided to give my readers a treat and write another one. The subject for this blog is the news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting a divorce. I don't mean to sound cynical, but this dog is surprised that they lasted this long. I always thought that Ashton married Demi because she had more fame and money than him. Now that he is making a big salary himself, he doesn't need her. This is what I like about dogs. We love the humans unconditionally. It is always sad when there is a breakup no matter whether some of us can see it coming from the beginning or not, but if the humans used some common sense sometimes, maybe they would have a lot less problems. For those of you who need advice or help, always ask a dog. We are so much smarter than the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Advisor)

My Wise Advice to Queen Lady

Today I plan to share a letter with my readers that will be sent to my pal, The Queen Lady. I read about Princess Kate turning down free clothing, and , as usual, I knew that the royal family could use my wise counsel involving this issue.

Dear Your Royal Highness Queen Lady,
I know you must be upset that Princess Kate is turning down free clothing. Does she think your family is made of money? When I read that on the Internet news, I knew that you would need some good advice from your pal, Demon Flash Bandit. It isn't like the clothing she is being offered is used although if it is used and not washed yet, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have found that sniffing it can be quite interesting. I'm sure your Corgis would understand, but I know that humans don't always appreciate a good smell. If necessary, I will write her myself because I know how the humans always treasure my letters. However, since I am a busy dog and I write you anyway, I hope that just telling her my opinion will suffice.

Here are some great reasons for taking the clothing:

1. You might get a clown suit free because clown suits are hilarious and, judging from the hats and even some of the outfits worn at the royal wedding, clown suits are very much in fashion.
McDonalds might even hire Kate to do some commercials and can you say ca ching?

2. She might be lucky enough to get a trucker's hat, and who wouldn't want a hat that says "honk if you like big butts". Kate should be so lucky!

3. If she is super lucky, she might get a chicken outfit, and I've seen humans in chicken outfits holding signs at restaurants. I'm sure Prince William would be turned on by seeing her in a chicken outfit. If it is good enough for Brad Pitt, it is good enough for Kate.

4. If she gets a janitor's outfit, she can get extra money doing her own cleaning. Imagine, cleaning one's own house and getting paid for it! This does not apply to those French Maid outfits because she is not French so it could cause an international incident--whatever that is.

5. If she gets a cowgirl outfit, William might buy her a pet cow!

6. She might get some normal clothes so she can look more like a girl and less like modern art. The only thing missing from her outfits is a toilet.

7. Someone might give her an outfit made from money which she could use to buy stuff.

8. Lady Gaga might design a meat outfit for her--practical and delicious. The Corgis would love that!

9. She might get an outfit from a very tall man and she can wear it and act like she has shrunk and then make a movie about it. That is always a good subject for a movie.

10. She can get a scarecrow outfit to keep the crows out of the garden, but be careful if Batman is around. He seems to have issues with scarecrows.

11. She might get a Burger King outfit and then she would know what real royal power feels like.

I do think it is wise for her to take the free clothing, but I must applaud her willingness to turn them down. As a dog, I also prefer no clothing, but I'm not sure it is a good idea for a member of the royal family. Besides, I suspect her sister, Pippa, will end up taking care of the naked part.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Letter I Wrote to the Queen Lady)

Enjoy the Aroma of Bacon Without the High Cost

The humans have finally gotten the right idea about cologne. This is because fargginay is now offering the delightful scent of bacon in a cologne which you can buy for $36.00. This is the creation of John Leydon, who has 2 different bacon scents from which to choose. There is Bacon Classic, which has a spicy maple aroma and Bacon gold which has a sizzling citrus scent. Both scents have the delightful subtle scent of bacon without dealing with the grease. I know that the humans are finally taking a step in the right direction with scents, but I have a better idea which is also much cheaper. Go the the store and buy a pound of bacon for approximately $3.00. Either cook it or leave it raw and put it in a pocket. You will have the delightful non-subtle smell of bacon and it saves money. It is also handy for a snack if you should get hungry. The grease is nice to lick when you are in the mood to savor the flavor of bacon. I've always said if you want practical advice about how to smell good, ask a dog. We have expert noses, and we give that advice freely--without charge to the humans. What would the humans do without dogs? Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bacon)