Practicing for Halloween!

I want to wish all my readers a Happy Halloween! I have personally been busy getting everything ready for my annual trick or treating marathon. Halloween has to be one of the best holidays of the year because it is all about the candy, and I love candy! I want to remind all the dogs who will be out collecting candy to be safe--watch out for cars, and be sure and use your best sad faces. The humans are suckers for a dog's "begging face". You'll get more candy than you ever thought possible. It does not hurt to practice the begging face in the mirror before you go out. A dog can never get too much practice when candy is riding on the outcome of the look. I've got to go now. I've still got some practicing to do although I can't imagine the humans ever being able to turn me down....I"m going to hit the candy jackpot tonight!

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready for Halloween)

Trick or Treat--Not Just For Dogs!!!!

Since tomorrow is Halloweeen, I am going to write about how exciting the anticipation of trick or treating is to the average dog. I myself have been preparing a super large treat bag because, like most dogs, I love treats! Human candy is delicious. I can't tell you how much I love to have candy like Mike and Ikes or Swedish fish. (It is even fun hearing the fish scream in Swedish before I bite them--it could only be improved by making them Swedish birds!) As you can imagine, dogs everywhere are getting all the little last minute things done--you know....like barking trick or treat and barking thank you so that the person giving the candy will know that you are a polite, well bred dog. Dogs like to practice things like that since normally we don't have to bark out specific phrases. I plan to go as a sled dog, and you should see my costume--it is very realistic. Amid all this fun, I was checking out the Internet today, and I discovered that some of the humans don't think dogs should get trick or treat candy at Halloween. I don't know why some humans are so stupid, but before any of my human readers get any ideas about agreeing with the stupid humans, here is a video I discovered. This video is hilarious and shows how dogs can get revenge on the humans who have such stupid ideas. I think you'll agree that it is best to give trick or treat candy to the dogs in the neighborhood after seeing what the dogs did to get revenge! Here is the address:
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/dogs-play-trick-or-treat-on-halloween-fun-video.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Trick or Treat)

That is the Moon!

As usual, I have found a news item that I think deserves to be talked about in my blog. A human called emergency services because he spotted a UFO (Unidentified Flying Object). Obviously, this is something that a human does not expect to see so naturally, he called to report it. After all, it could have been a takeover by space aliens so it is important to inform the proper authorities. However, in this case, it was just the moon he saw. This dog is tired of the moon causing so much trouble. When there is a full moon, it causes humans with the tendency to become werewolves to transform into the werewolf identity. The full moon is also linked with the humans going crazy which is called "moon madness". Anyway, now it is fooling regular humans who think it is a UFO. I think the moon should be warned that this behavior is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. I must admit that it would not surprise me if the man had been visiting the local pub before he called because most sober humans can tell the difference between the moon and a UFO. For those who want to read more about this story, here is the link:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/28/man-mistakes-the-moon-forufo_n_1064009.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Can Recognize the Moon)

Forests Hide Werewolves!

Prince Charles has announced that he and Vlad the Impaler of Romania are relatives. If any family has a right to complain about relatives attending holiday dinners, I think the English royal family is among them. Can you imagine having Thanksgiving dinner with Vlad the Impaler? If the dinner is at his castle, you would have to go through a forest of humans who are impaled to trees to get to the castle. By the time you get there, I would have lost my appetite! I know that any of us can have ancestors that we aren't particularly proud of. I'm sure I probably have some Siberian Husky relative who has even helped out a bird, although I would hope that dog just didn't realize how evil birds are when he made that mistake. However, if I found out that I had a relative who did that, I would be trying to keep it quiet, but that is because I have pride which obviously, the British royal family does not. I know they have no pride because I saw the stupid hats being worn at the royal wedding. A human with pride does not show up wearing a hat that looks like something a space alien would refuse to wear. I'm not kidding. It would not have surprised me if I had seen someone wearing a cone shaped hat made from aluminum foil!

Anyway, Prince Charles has bought some land in Romania, and he says the forests in Transylvania are a national treasure. Being a dog, I happen to like trees, and I have done my part to help keep them watered. However, I'm not sure if having a forest in an area that has werewolves is a wise idea. I know this because one of my human great grandmothers came from Romania, and she talked about werewolves. She had to carry a stick to keep them at bay. I guess if Prince Charles wants to take his chances with the werewolves, that is his business; but I doubt that they care if he is the Prince of Great Britain. I suspect werewolves pay little attention to titles like that. I hope he doesn't meet up with one because they sound kind of mean!

Just so you know that I am not making this news story up, go to this web address to read all about it:
http://www.inquisitr.com/154582/vlad-the-impaler-prince-charles/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Talking About Werewolves)

No Snow For My Area---Birds Are Evil!!!!

Today I am one very annoyed dog. I just found out that the weather service has predicted snow for the northeastern United States. Since I am a Siberian Husky, I happen to love cold weather and snow. Our weather here in lower Michigan is cool, but there are no predictions of snow. I know that birds have to be behind this indignity to a dog. Those birds are snow thieves, and for those of you who have not read my theories in the past, I will explain why. Warmer climates that get no snow, and have little cold weather have lots of birds. Coincidence? Of course not. It is a massive conspiracy among the evil feathered birds to take over the world! For those of you who live in colder climates, do you ever notice how the birds are always singing in the spring? If you spoke bird, you would know that they are singing about how happy they are that they have come to steal the snow. I happen to know this because I am bi-lingual-species so I speak fluent bird. I hear their evil plans and their horrible songs. I only wish the humans could understand just how big a threat they are. However, humans, as usual, go on with their lives not having a clue that they are being surrounded by evil, snow stealing birds unless they read my blog! I'm sure that the lack of snow in lower Michigan is due to the birds' personal hatred for me. They want to keep me from having some lovely blizzard type weather. This is why I hate birds and don't think they deserve to live. That is this dog's opinion, and as such, is not open to question.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hater)

KRYPTO is not a CAT: KRYPTO is a DOG!

I am tail spanking mad over the new artist depiction of Krypto, Superdog. Yes, that is correct, I'd like to take the artist from his studio and spank him with my tail. What kind of jerk makes Krypto, who happens to be a very popular dog, look like a big cat? What was that artist thinking? Krypto is a DOG!!!! Has the artist never seen a dog? Is the artist a cat? Is the artist a bird? I can understand if the artist is a bird since birds are always causing trouble. I am going to share the web site with you so that you can see for yourself that this is an unacceptable depiction of Krypto. http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/JakeLester/news/?a=48959

Don't get me wrong--I don't hate cats as some dogs do, but that does not mean I want to see a dog portrayed as a cat. We dogs have our standards! It reminds me of a movie I watched called, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. In this movie, Jay and Silent Bob, a couple of stoners, head for Hollywood to stop the production of a comic book movie based on their lives named "Bluntman and Chronic". When I watched this movie, I thought it was funny because I couldn't understand how any movie could make those two morons look worse than they are in real life. However, now I am sympathetic to their plight because, speaking for dogs everywhere, this cat looking Krypto is making all us dogs look bad. I think all us dogs need to head for wherever this comic book publisher is located so that we can put a stop to this ridiculous depiction of us. I personally will stand over the artist and make sure that he draws a new Krypto who looks like a DOG which is what he or she was supposed to do in the first place. My tail is ready to do some spanking. Wish me well!

Demon Flash Bandit (Artist Needs Inspiration From a Real DOG)

Dogs Are Not Into Bungee Jumping

The humans do a lot of stupid things. In my opinion, bungee jumping is one of them. I have never seen a dog do a bungee jump which is because we dogs have more sense than the humans. Most of the time, inanimate objects aren't into bungee jumping either. However, today I found that this is not always the case. I am going to share a video with my readers of a bungee jumping car. I know some cars like the "General Lee" on the Dukes of Hazzard television show like to jump a lot, but until today, I never saw one bungee jump. Here is the address:
http://www.autoblog.com/2011/10/25/next-up-for-the-chevy-sonic-bungee-jumping/

Personally, I have no plans to buy this kind of car because I don't want to be riding somewhere and have my car decide to start bungee jumping when I am in it. I have no desire to do any daredevil type stunts when I am out for a nice car ride. Some of the humans will buy it because many of them have no brains, but I'm hoping that they don't have dogs to take with them. If so, they are going to have one very unhappy dog in the car!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Bungee Jumping Dog)

Send Me Dingo Bones--Not X-Ray Spectacles

For many years, comic books have advertised exciting products in each issue. Sure, they are not designed to be sold to dogs since the humans know that dogs have far more sophisticated tastes, and would not be interested in buying the products that are offered. Sure, some of us dogs are doctors, but the x-ray spectacles offered in the comic books are not as good as an x-ray machine. Sure, human doctors like to use them, but they are humans and are easily fooled by inferior imitations. Just look at the whole pet field......humans sometimes have cats as pets, and cats are the inferior pet to us dogs!

I do like to be fair. Since I have never ordered any of the products, I thought it would only be right if I included some product reviews of the items from someone who have actually bought them. Here is the web address where you can find out more about the products.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/24/mail-order-mysteries-video_n_1029142.html


I do not recommend any of the products for dogs, but I think the humans would probably enjoy them. Humans are so much easier to entertain than dogs. I really don't want anything in the comic books, but a large order of dingo bones would be great!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Comic Book Products)

Litter-Robot for Cats

For those of you who have cats, you know that changing the litter box is no fun! This is why the humans have invented a product to make it easier. That product is the Litter-Robot. The Litter Robot is a self cleaning litter box. It is like having Rosie, the robot maid from The Jetsons cartoon, come to life and be the personal maid for the family cat or cats! For those of you who are interested in this product, I am giving you the website so that you can order it for yourself. The address is:
http://www.litter-robot.com/
This is such an exciting new product that I'm sure everyone will be anxious to try it as quickly as possible. I do have a suggestion for a cheaper and easier way to deal with the litter box though which is get rid of the cat, and get a dog! Personally, I don't mind cats, but every dog knows that a dog is better. With a dog, there is no litter box to worry about cleaning. Dogs are also a lot less picky and more friendly. Given a choice, a dog is always the best choice!

Interesting Underwear

Today's blog is about fashion. Just because a dog like myself does not want to be dressed in some silly human outfits does not mean that I don't appreciate fashion in the humans. Many young men do not like to pull their pants up which annoys some of the oldsters. I feel if I explain why they wear their pants this way, it might help the older humans understand that there is a valid reason for why they are wearing their pants this way. Before you assume that it is not a good reason, let me reassure you that there is a very good and logical reason for wearing the pants so low that you can see their underwear. That reason is the underwear itself. Let's say for a moment that you have just purchased a new pair of underwear with Spongebob Squarepants, the Superman "S", or perhaps Stewie from Family Guy, and you are very proud of your new underwear. If you wear the underwear as it is normally worn--under your pants, then no one will ever see how cool your underwear happens to be. What is the point of having cool underwear if no one can see it. If so, you might as well wear cheap white briefs or boxers. You have paid extra money for this special underwear, and you want it to be seen. You could pull up your pants, and wear the underwear over the pants, but that would be silly since it is called UNDERwear. Therefore, the most logical way to make sure that the world can see your new Underdog underwear (I might add that I approve of having Underdog underwear) is to pull your pants down enough so that everyone around you can enjoy your good fashion sense. So, for you older humans reading this, the next time you see some young guy with his pants down near his ankles, take a good look at his underwear, and I think you will be impressed with his taste in fashion. You might want to buy some for yourself, and start wearing your own pants around your ankles to impress everyone with your fashion sense. If you are too old for underwear and are using adult diapers, write those companies and let them know that you want diapers with characters like Spongebob on them. You don't want to be left out of the loop just because you are too old for underwear. I've seen baby diapers that look like blue jeans so the sky is the limit. Remember, fashion is what makes life interesting--or stupid--depending on which humans are doing the designing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Fashion)

I'll Be a Banana Split!

Some of the humans like to dress their dogs in costume for Halloween. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are totally against the idea. I do not want to be dressed in a stupid costume for Halloween. I'm a dog and I have personal standards to maintain. However, as you can imagine, the humans don't always listen to a dog. My human has been talking about this really cute dog costume she saw at the store which happens to be a banana. Do I want to be dressed as a banana? Of course NOT. What dog would want to be dressed as a banana? So far, the costume has not been purchased for either of us dogs. I think it is because we have been so uncooperative in the past about wearing costumes. However, if the banana costume does come into the house, I'm prepared. I am going to take off so that it becomes a banana split. Once, again, the dog rules!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Like Costumes)

Proper Etiquette When Meeting a Celebrity Dog

I have decided to write this entry about proper etiquette when meeting a celebrity dog. I am qualified to write this because, as you can imagine, as a world famous blogging dog, I am always being noticed when I am out on the town. Since meeting a celebrity is an exciting event for most of the humans, I know they can get very excited and it causes them to do silly things. For example, I had one human ask me to sign my autograph, and I was annoyed. I am a dog so I do not sign my name....I give out pawtographs. Most dogs won't be rude, but if you ask a famous cat for an autograph, they can get quite rude!!! Cats just aren't as nice in general as us dogs!

Most dogs do not mind being approached by humans. It is wise to make sure we are in a good mood because there are a few dogs who might bite if approached when they are in a bad mood. There is also a chance that the celebrity might not be an actual dog. A perfect example of this is the rapper, Snoop Dogg. Despite his name, he is really a human who just had the good taste to have the name, Dogg. I do admire him for having the good sense to want to be a dog.

If you happen to have some food or a dog biscuit, a celebrity dog will not be offended if you offer it to him or her. In fact, they might just take it anyway. Most dogs have a weakness for eating human food. Even if you have taken a bite, few dogs would be upset about that as long as they get to eat the rest of it.

Most dogs enjoy being petted and tummy rubs are usually preferred, but be sure and remember that this is an individual dog thing since not all dogs trust humans....some have been mistreated or are just scared of humans for no reason.

Now that you know these basic facts, you can meet a celebrity dog without worrying about the proper protocol for the meeting. If you should run into me, I am offended if the humans don't notice me because I happen to love attention. Most dogs think like me, but keep in mind, there are some who do not. I wish you luck in meeting one of us. It is a real priviledge to meet a famous dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Polite Manners for Meeting Celebrity Dogs)

Lindsay Lohan: Always in Trouble

I wonder if my readers were as shocked as I to see Lindsay Lohan in the news again. Who would have thought that she would be back in trouble again? Okay, I think most of us thought that she would be. It does not take a psychic to predict that Lindsay Lohan would manage to be back in court. In fact, I think the news story is getting a bit old so I have an idea....I think that once a week, there should be a story in the news about Lindsay Lohan getting into trouble. The news sources can just run the same one every week since all of them seem to be similar anyway. This way, it will free time for the reporters to report on more interesting news. This time she didn't do the required community service, but she said it was not fulfilling work. I guess someone should tell her that is the idea....if it were fulfilling work, it would not be punishment. If I were the judge, I would put her in jail because I think by now it is obvious that she is not going to go along with anything else with which they sentence her. Perhaps jail might give her some time to reflect on how to avoid getting into trouble in the future, but somehow I doubt it. I think reflection like that requires having a brain.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tired of Reading About Lindsay Lohan)

Tax Plan

There is a human named Cain who wants to run as the Republican candidate for President of the United States. Cain is not the one in the Bible who murdered his brother Abel. I don't think he is the human who is always raising cain although to be fair, I'm not positive about that. However, he does have a tax plan that some of the humans seem to think is great. I personally don't care for it. Under the present system, it is a graduated income tax which means that those who make very little money pay little or no taxes. As the humans make more money, they are supposed to pay more of a percentage in taxes. I'm not saying the system can't use some up-dating since, thanks to inflation over the years, income does not go as far as it used to go. However, I don't think Cain's plan is a fair plan for the average tax payer. The present system even allows a certain amount of money not to be taxed because the government knows that it takes some money to live. This is not just my opinion, but also the opinion of some of the humans. I am going to share a link that you can read about it that was posted on the Internet today. http://www.aarp.org/politics-society/government-elections/news-10-2011/us--cain-tax-analysis.html?cmp=NLC-RSS-DAILY-BULLETIN This came from the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) newsletter, and it is something to think about on the subject. I am not an accountant, but I have helped the humans do their taxes in the past so I learned a few things. I think the average human either has the taxes done by others or they have computer software do the taxes for them. I can't blame them because taxes are actually kind of boring to do. Perhaps this is where the problem lies since most humans really don't do their own taxes, then they don't stop to realize just how lousy it would be if everyone had to pay the exact same amount. The rich humans might lose some loopholes, but they would ultimately pay less in taxes. Poor humans would end up paying, and the low income ones don't make enough to live as it is. I think the richer humans like this plan for that reason--they know it will save them money, and that is all that matters to them. Ultimately, each human has to make their own decision on this subject, and for those who are rich, go ahead and support this tax plan--you'll love it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Taxes)

Embarrassing Moment for Spiderman

I've heard the humans say that truth is stranger than fiction, and when I saw this story on the news, I must admit that I have to agree. In North Carolina, Spiderman with a sword tried to rob a convenience store. The robbery was not successful because the 2 store clerks managed to thwart the robbery with brooms. That must be hard on his ego for a superhero with a sword to be stopped by a couple of guys with brooms. There have been several other Spiderman robberies in the area in the past month. Spiderman robbed a Kangaroo station. I am amazed that the kangaroo didn't manage to beat up Spiderman since 2 humans were able to do it with brooms. A couple of good kicks with the kangaroos strong legs should have stopped Spiderman. Spiderman is now in custody. I guess Spidey is going to have to change his motto to "with great broom handle, comes Spidey getting caught". I want to add that it is nice to see a successful business kangaroo because most kangaroos have no head for business.

Demon Flash Bandit (Spiderman Got Caught)

Dancing With the Dogs!!!!

There is a television program that I am always hearing about on the news called Dancing With the Stars. No one in my family watches the show, and I can understand why they don't. Besides the whole idea that watching other people dance is boring, when the program chooses "stars", they are scraping the bottom of the barrel. Sure, they may be people who have been in the news, usually for nothing special they have done, but I would hardly call them stars. I would be far more interested in watching if they brought some stars down from the sky so that I could see some actual stars dancing. Of course, I think stars have twinkling to do and can't be bothered with a silly, human dance program! Since this program proves that humans will watch anything, imagine the number of humans who would tune in for a super good program. What is that program? The program is Dancing With the Dogs. Dogs make great dance partners, and the show would be a lot more interesting than it is now. Be sure and watch the new programming when it airs-hopefully soon!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dancing Demon)

Dolphin Tales

Today I am going to do my movie review of Dolphin Tale. It was a movie which I enjoyed which makes it an extremely good movie considering that it did not star a dog. The dolphin, whose name was Winter, did a great acting job--almost as good as a dog would have done. I can even understand a dog not wanting to take the part anyway since the dolphin was usually under water, and that is way too much like taking a bath for most of us dogs. I personally am not a fan of baths! The dolphin lost her tail, and the story is about the poor dolphin being rescued and the efforts made to give her a new prosthetic tail. The movie is based on a true story which makes it extra nice. It was heart-warming, and sweet, and I give it 4 paws up, a tail wag, and a kiss which is a equivalent to a 10 on the human scale (1-10 with 10 being the best). I recommend it for the entire family--yeah, you can even let the humans go to the theatre to see it! Just don't let them get any ideas about giving the family dog a bath!

Demon Flash Bandit (Reviewing Dolphin Tale)

Republicans Meeting in Las Vegas--Getting Their Sinning Done

The Republicans are meeting in Las Vegas, Nevada. This dog assumes they are meeting there so they can get their sinning out of the way before the election process gets started in full swing. I'm only joking. I'm sure they won't quit their sinning even if they get into office. Las Vegas is "sin city", and since they are in politics, I'm sure that they are hoping that the motto "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" is true because I'm going to assume that they plan on doing some things that they don't want to get out of Vegas. I don't think the motto applies to politicians, but I doubt that they know that. This dog thinks they don't know much of anything except how to make sure the wealthiest humans don't pay any more in tax because they are the "job creators". It makes it sound like only a limited few can create jobs. The way this dog sees it, anyone can create jobs--even if it is calling people to fix things around the house--it is a job. The only difference is that if a plumber comes to your house, he does not work for minimum wage. Many of the job creators seem to think that minimum wage is a big deal, and if they had to work for it, I'm quite sure that they would be the worst workers ever hired. Don't get me wrong--there is nothing wrong with hard work, but hard work seldom gets anyone to the top of a company--that idea is a lie spread by the job creators who would not want to do the work themselves so they have to find people are are dumb enough or brain-washed enough to believe them. Ultimately, the humans often listen which is sad. I'm a dog and we have more common sense than that. This is why most of us are home sleeping while the humans are working. We know that work is not fun, and seldom makes anyone rich.

McEntertainment

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am super excited over the new McDonalds television channel that might be playing at a McDonalds restaurant near you. I'm sure it will be filled with super exciting programming like Mayor McCheese telling the state of the town in which you live. There will be news reports when the Hamburgler steals burgers. Grimace will be covered when he does his grimacing-whatever that is. I'm sure the customers will be thrilled to be watching the channel while they eat. The only thing that worries me is that the programming may be too exciting for the average customer. I'm sure that everyone is anxiously awaiting the chance to watch Ronald McDonald doing his clown stuff. This dog just can't wait!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing McEntertainment)

Wedding At Walmart

Recently I saw that a couple got married at a Walmart in Louisville, Kentucky. Personally, I really don't think it matters where a couple gets married because the amount spent on the wedding does not make it any more or less likely that the marriage will be successful. In fact, some of the humans who have the most lavish weddings are the first to get divorced. I do wish the couple well. However, I do hope that Walmart doesn't decide to get into the wedding business on a large level simply because I think it would be very annoying to the customers in general. The wedding was held in the garden center, and during nice weather, the garden center sells flowers, plants, outdoor furniture, etc. If a customer happens to want to purchase some items from the garden center, it would not be fun to discover that you can't enter the area because there is a wedding taking place there. Even worse, what if a dog needs some dingo bones, and the wedding is being held in the dog area? I happen to think is the best part of the store. I would not want to have to go away with empty paws because there is a wedding taking place in "my area". Walmart is an okay store for the most part, but I do hope it doesn' t decide to get into the "wedding business". It is okay as a novelty to have a wedding there, but I just hope it doesn't become another service offered by Walmart. If Walmart starts offering weddings, then what is next--funerals? I can just imagine walking through a Walmart store that has a roll-back price on a casket. Just imagine how the humans would be fighting over that item. Sadly, judging from the way Walmart has been run in recent years, I can just see the humans in their board room.....you know people aren't able to buy a casket at our competitive stores...we can corner the market. I hope Walmart decides to stick with the merchandise they have now. I really don't want to attend a future wedding with the Keebler Elves making an appearance to give out samples....wait a minute, that might be the best part of the wedding at Walmart. Pass me a cookie Elf.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About A Walmart Wedding)

Human Decorators are Boring!

Today I am writing about a product that I feel is an insult to dogs everywhere. That product is the amazing mat. I am sharing a link so that you can see what it does.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2kNLFL0zMc
The mat is supposed to keep dirt from getting into a home, office, or wherever you choose to put it. This mat will stop muddy pawprints before a dog can get into the house with muddy paws. I think this is awful because a dog goes to the trouble of getting paws dirty for the purpose of properly decorating the human homes. Many humans have boring, uninteresting homes because they spend entirely too much time cleaning them. In the process of cleaning, they clean all the interesting sights and smells out of their homes. Yes, I know it is stupid, but you have to remember, you are dealing with humans here--not dogs. We dogs don't waste time and energy cleaning to make a place look less interesting. For all the dogs who are reading this, I would suggest you make sure that this product never comes into your home. If it does, chew it to pieces before it can turn your home into a sterile, uninteresting environment. Remember, if a dog doesn't fix the situation, no one will.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Good Taste)

Vikings Gave Us Ancient Dog Kings

I have mentioned many times in my blogs that I think a dog should be running things because the humans do such a bad job of it. Today I discovered that there have been dogs who were running things. Swedish Vikings, when they conquered the Danish tribes, set up a dog as king. The dog was a terrier named Rakkae. When King Rakkae died, his successor was another dog, a poodle, named King Snio. Until now, I did not realize just how intelligent and ahead of their time the Vikings were. Sure, all of us who know anything about world history know that they were great warriors and they were great sailors, but I had no idea that they had such a knack for choosing great leaders. I'm sure the Danish people must have been thrilled to finally be ruled by a dog instead of a silly human. I have often heard the expression, "something is rotten in Denmark", and only now do I understand what it is saying. The expression came about when the dogs were replaced by humans again....the people knew that having humans rule them once again would be rotten.

The Vikings were a fascinating group. They wore armor helmets with horns on top. This was to emulate bulls who can be quite scary if they are charging toward you with their horns ready to gore you. It was the latest innovation in warfare. In fact, it was on par with the human who first invented the stick as a weapon. Yeah, that was discovered by an ancient caveman, named Al, who has left detailed drawings on how to make weapon sticks. The early sticks were just picked up off the ground, but later on, as the weapon became more sophisticated, they would carve a point to make the stick more effective on the enemy.

Anyway, the Vikings lived a long time ago--probably 50 or 60 years ago which is so long ago that I don't know any dogs who can remember that far back. The Vikings even made it to the "new world". We know this by the Ikea furniture stores that dot the landscape of the United States. I have no idea why they would ever want to leave such a paradise as the north. Being a husky, I think their land sounds wonderful.

We owe a lot to the Viking culture since they had the good sense to put a dog in charge. I think it is about time a dog was put in charge again--which is why I plan to toss my tail into the Presidential election in 2012.

Demon Flash Bandit (Salute to Vikings)

Royal Wedding in Bhutan

There has been another royal wedding, but this time it was in a country in the Himalayas called Bhutan. The King there who is known as the "Dragon King" got married, and his new wife is very beautiful. I thought it was a very nice wedding. It was like one of the weddings you read about in a fairy tale only this one is in real life. I have to admit that I don't know much about Bhutan, but I think it would be a nice place to visit. I bet my pal, Raja, the shih tzu, has been there. Raja goes all over the place, and has written a book about the history of the shih tzu called, The Journey of the Shih Tzu. Anyway, I think it was a very nice wedding, and I hope the couple live a long and happy life together.

Since I am discussing a country in Asia, my human happened to be watching the movie, Kung Pow last night which is about martial arts. I found one scene very disturbing. Most of us think of cows as being nice, quiet animals, but this video that I'm sharing shows a whole different side of cows. I thought I would warn my readers to be careful not to annoy any cow you come into contact with since cows can be quite nasty if provoked. I hope this keeps my readers safe in future meetings with cows. To see the video, go to this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97PrRch3AE4

Demon Flash Bandit (Liked Royal Wedding)

Demon Flash Bandit For President!!!!!

Today the Senate did not pass Obama's jobs plan. I just read what some of the news commentators were saying so it is time for a dog to weigh in with what I think. I think the humans don't want to fix the economy because, politically, it is better for the Republicans if it stays bad until after the election. This dog also really does not care what they think about the economy because the economy was in a mess under George W. so I fail to see how they can come up with any brilliant plans to fix it. It seems to me that they are just watching out for their wealthy friends to make sure they keep their tax cuts. I happen to think that the people who are elected should be watching out for the people who voted for them--not the people who give them large contributions. I think it is ridiculous to let people who are hurting go several years without help because they want to make sure they get re-elected. If you ask this dog, the humans don't make any sense anyway. The voters deliberately put people in office that they know are in opposition to each other, and then wonder why they can never work together to get anything done. This is why the humans "get what they deserve" when it comes to government. If it were up to me, every human who voted against trying to get people jobs would be put out of office--I don't care about their political affiliation. I think caring about people should trump politics. This is why I will probably run for President in 2012. I don't really want to do it, but it is about time the country has a dog running it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Possible Presidential Candidate)

Trees Need Cutting

I want my readers to know that it made this dog feel so good about the royal family in Great Britain when I saw the photos of Pippa Middleton, Kate's sister, wearing a "lumberjack" inspired outfit probably to work. I think it is wonderful that Pippa is ready to roll up her sleeves and do some real work--I guess those forests in England must be getting out of hand and it is good to see someone with such a close connection to the royal family who is willing to get out there and do some logging. Perhaps she should have considered a different pair of shoes. Since I don't wear shoes, I'm no expert, but I don't think high heels are a wise move to work cutting trees in the forest. For a look at the outfit, go to:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/12/pippa-middleton-plaid_n_1006607.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl17%7Csec3_lnk1%7C103731

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Commentator)

Cake on a Stick!

I just discovered a new product that I have to share with my readers. It is cake on a stick. The humans can eat it without a fork. Being a dog, I can eat cake without a fork anyway, but the humans like to use forks to eat with. I have no idea why. . . . I don't think they like to get their paws dirty. Anyway, you can decorate them, and since they are shaped like balls, I'm guessing a dog can play with them before eating them which makes them even more fun. Here is the address for those of you who might be interested in this product.
https://www.bakepop.com/?uid=2EB3C07C68AB630C772BF04040BCD42B
I can't think of anything that would improve this product short of making them bone shaped.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes Cake)

Puppy Tweets Discontinued!

My humans bought me that product, Puppy Tweets, so that I could tweet them more often when I'm in the mood. They are usually with me, but you know how it is when they are in another room and a dog doesn't feel like getting up and walking into the other room to talk to the humans. Paws do get tired! Anyway, I was excited at first and then I made the humans take it off of me because it is on a chain and it kept hitting my neck which I did not like. I just chatted with the humans at Mattel, the company that made Puppy Tweets, suggesting they make it lighter and thinner so it would be more comfortable for a dog to wear. However, they said that the product had been discontinued. This is what happens when a company listens to birds when making a product for dogs. Birds don't like dogs, and they never will so I think they deliberately sabotaged the product. It makes sense that birds would not want dogs tweeting the humans and possibly warning them about the latest of the birds evil plans for world domination. I do hope that Mattel will bring back a new and better Puppy Tweets. Maybe they should call it Puppy Barks so that they won't feel the need to bring birds into the developmental stage of the product. By the way, I do have a Twitter account for my readers who want to follow me, and my twitter name is demonflashhusky. I usually "tweet" when I post a new blog so it would enable those of you who use twitter a lot to catch my latest blogs as soon as possible--which I'm sure is what all my readers live for!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tweeting Dog)

Smart Deer!

I thought I would write another blog today because I saw that a fight ensued in Pennsylvania over a dead deer. The man who killed it versus the man whose property it happened to be on when it died. The joke is on both of them. The deer staged the whole thing to get the humans into trouble. I was fortunate enough to score the opportunity to interview the deer (whose name happens to be Hank), and I thought it would be nice to share his thoughts with my readers.

DFB: Hi Hank. I'm so glad you could find the time to let me interview you. I'm sure my readers have many questions to ask you.

Hank: Hello Demon Flash Bandit. I'm glad I can tell my side of the story.

DFB: Did you stage this whole thing to get the humans into trouble or did it just happen?

Hank: I was out partying with a couple of friends of mine at a stag party, and my pals Bill said, "why don't you pretend to be shot and killed, but do it so that there will be a fight among the humans. I thought it was a great idea, and the rest is history!

DFB: I'm glad you weren't hurt. Do you think you'll do something like this again?

Hank: Yes, and other deer are planning to do it too. It is going to be awesome during hunting season.

DFB: I can imagine. Thanks for taking time from your busy schedule to talk to me.

Hank: I enjoyed meeting you Demon Flash Bandit!

There you have it. . . . . an interview with the deer that caused all the trouble. I bet the humans were surprised to return later and find him gone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Interviewing a Clever Deer)

Doggy Restaurants

There are plenty of restaurants for the humans, and I'm okay with that since I happen to like the food the humans eat. However, why are there so few restaurants that welcome a dog? Sometimes a dog likes to be able to walk in and sit down to order food. Some of us like to have some elegant surroundings, and feel like we are a valued customer---not just someone to feed at drive-thru. This is something that has not been properly addressed by the humans because, with their limited brain power, they just don't see that it is a problem. I personally would enjoy walking into an elegant restaurant and have a human escort me to my seat. That is another thing about the humans--many of us enjoy eating at the table off of regular plates, not off the floor like an animal! Keep in mind, I'm not discussing "dog friendly" restaurants that allow dogs to eat with the humans. I'm talking about actual restaurants for dogs. Of course, since we are nicer than the humans, I don't think most of us would mind if the humans came along with us. Dogs like to bring their pet humans along!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants to Go to a Doggy Restaurant)

Great Pyramid of Alcatraz

According to news reports, UFO Phil is planning to build a full size pyramid on Alcatraz Island in California. Space aliens have given him secret blueprints and schematics for building the pyramid which will generate hydrogen power. UFO Phil says that was the purpose of the pyramids in Egypt years ago. The pyramid will be called the Great Pyramid of Alcatraz. There has been no official comment from the National Parks Service. I guess the government agencies always move slow when it comes to big projects, but I'm surprised they haven't jumped on this project. It isn't like it is your everyday project where the handyman throws some duct tape on something that needs to be fixed. This is something that hasn't been done in years. To be honest, my first thought when I read the article was "UFO Phil needs a rubber room", but then I realized that a dog must open his mind to possibilities which is when I realized that there is a good possibility that UFO Phil needs to be in a rubber room.

This is another point, if UFO Phil doesn't need a rubber room, and he is right, can we trust a bunch of aliens from another planet? Just yesterday I wrote about humans getting into a "chemical fight" at a Maryland Walmart. Do we really need aliens who might be as bad or worse than the humans. A dog has enough to do making sure the humans behave. Do we really need a bunch of rowdy, know it all aliens to have to keep an eye on? This dog doesn't think so. It is bad enough having to watch over the humans, and some of the humans don't even have a dog---I just feel bad for them!

For those who would like to read the article that this blog was based on, go to:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/07/ufo-phil-alcatraz_n_999255.html#s395198&title=UFO_PHIL

Demon Flash Bandit (Great Pyramid of Alcatraz)

Walmart Wars

I've already written a blog today, but I saw a news article about a fight at Walmart, and I could not resist writing another blog. Police were called to the Walmart in Arbutus, Maryland, a suburb of Baltimore, because a couple of female customers got into a fight and were throwing bleach and other chemicals at each other. Most countries frown on chemical warfare, but these were not women running countries. These were shoppers hunting for bargains. "This is obviously not the type of behavior we would expect from people at our stores. We apologize for any inconvenience this caused to our customers," Walmart officials said in a statement. Come on. . . . does Walmart really expect us to believe this? I live in Howell, MI, which is normally a nice, polite town. . . . . until the humans go to Walmart. I would not be surprised to see some of their customers walking in with loaded weapons in order to get to the bargains first. In fact, Walmart is always "declaring war" on their competition. My guess is that some of their customers take the "war" a bit too seriously. Perhaps the military recruiters should set up an office in each Walmart store so that they can get some of the customers to sign up while they are still in the mood to fight. Perhaps Walmart needs to offer some classes in chemical warfare so that next time their customers will be better prepared to fight each other. When the economy isn't good, those bargains are harder and harder to find. Next time you decide to go shopping at Walmart, do so at your own risk--and perhaps it would be a good idea to take a white flag with you--or buy one on aisle 7A

Demon Flash Bandit (Walmart Wars)

Schools Not Doing Great Job of Teaching History

Yesterday I wrote a blog about fish going to school, and I said that I have no idea how the human schools are doing, but then proceeded to discuss fish in school. Today I have an answer for the question of how human schools are doing educating the humans. They are doing a lousy job at least when it comes to history. I happen to know that all humans living in the United States are required to take American history before they graduate from high school. Yet just yesterday, Representative Peter King, gave his opinion of the Wall Street protestors. I will share the link so you will know that I'm not putting words in his mouth or making up what he said. Here is the link:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/07/peter-king-occupy-wall-street_n_1000318.html
If he had learned anything in taking American history (and I am going to assume he was skipping class or sleeping), he would know that the founding fathers were considered "anarchists" too. There was a time when the United States was a British colony, and as such was under the jurisdiction of King George III. There were a number of colonists who did not want to continue to be under the rule of King George III so they had a few protests which resulted in the Revolutionary War and the end of British rule. I'm not saying that the Wall Street protestors are right or wrong, but it is an American tradition for the people to be able to say what they think. As long as the protests are peaceful, then I don't see a problem with them. Of course, the protestors have a lot more people who agree with them out there and that is probably what scares some of the politicians--the ones that support the big corporations (most of them Republican). I would suggest that perhaps they start listening to the people and then maybe the protests will end. As it is, the protests are now being staged in other cities so they seem to be gaining momentum. I wish the schools would do a better job and then a dog would not have to waste a blog writing this, and I could write about important stuff--like if Dingo is planning to come up with any new flavor dingo bones. I do have priorities, but the humans obviously don't!

Demon Flash Bandit (Evaluating Human Education)

Fish School

I've heard the humans discuss whether schools are doing a good job of educating the human puppies or not. I am not qualified to answer this question, but I do think they do a better job than the schools for fish that I've checked out. Basically, all the fish schools teach the fish to do is to swim around. Sure, swimming can be a useful skill, but I do think the humans puppies need to graduate with more skills than just swimming. Sure, some of the fish do learn some valuable lessons in school. Some of them learn to spot bait so that they don't get caught because getting caught by the humans can really ruin a fish's day. Personally, I don't think the lesson should be that hard to learn. Since dogs are so smart, I'm sure I could teach even the dumbest puppy to avoid being caught. All you have to tell them that if food is hanging around suspended in the air, it probably is bait to get a dog's attention. This is because food is not supposed to hang around suspended in mid-air. Personally, I am not impressed with the intelligence of fish. Sure, they at least do go to school so it looks like that are trying, but they don't even have enough common sense to avoid pooping in the water they are swimming around in which is not only disgusting, but it should be their first lesson when they are puppy fish. I've talked to a few cats, and they are happy that fish aren't smart. They say their lack of intelligence makes the job of catching fish easier. One very enterprising kitty has a special glove that makes his paw look like food. When the fish reaches out to grab the paw, the cat gets a fish snack. I'm sure the fish is annoyed, but if he had been smarter, he would not have fallen for the baited paw trick. This is why a good education is so important!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fish School)

My Movie Review of "The Monkey Movie"

I went to see a movie yesterday so it is time for a movie review. The movie was entitled, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but I call it The Monkey Movie. It was a good movie. I did not care for the one part where the monkey (Caesar) growled at an innocent dog. The dog was just doing his job growling at the monkey. Most dogs are going to growl if they see a monkey! Of course, it was a sci-fi movie because it could never happen in real life. The humans are doing a bad enough job of running the world so a monkey could only do worse. If the humans ever get to the point where they aren't running things anymore, it will be time for us dogs to take over. It was an interesting movie though from a scientific point of view. Who is smarter? Humans or their distant cousins, the monkeys? Judging from the way most humans act, perhaps the distance is not enough.

I saw coverage of a tomato battle in the news today. I was hoping that the killer tomatoes were a thing of the past, and all have been defeated. Obviously, I was wrong. Tomatoes are still causing problems for the humans. This is happening in northern California. The humans are having to get down and dirty with those tomatoes in order to keep them in line-or on vine as I like to call it. If the humans need some help, I'm sure the area dogs will be glad to do their part. We are always happy to help the humans. I think it is time to put those tomatoes back into spaghetti sauce where they belong!

Demon Flash Bandit (Monkeys and Tomatoes)

Square of Life

I'm sure that most of my readers are familiar with "The Circle of Life" since The Lion King is a very popular movie. I think it is a nice concept, but this dog happens to think that it is really a "square of life". I'm sure some of you are wondering how I came to believe that life is a square and not a circle, but it is actually very simple. You start out going along a path, then you move uphill when you "grow up" until you get to your prime. Then once again, it is an even path until you get old-at which point you tend to go downhill again. Besides, no matter what the humans say, the Earth has to be square--all us dogs know that. The ancient humans knew that too because, if it was round, everyone would fall off the Earth. I'm not fooled by those so called photos of Earth from space either. Hollywood has been making sci-fi movies about other planets for years so the technology is there to shoot fake photos.

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I am on the subject of the "square of life", and there is a good reason for that. I was shopping yesterday, and I saw The Lion King in the new release section of the dvds and blu-rays. This reminded me that I have to come up with something to write about and the Square of Life sounds as good as anything else I could write about. Sure, I could write about the cute metal pencil holder that would look good next to the computer and possibly keep the pen thief from stealing the pens (probably not), and it would match the garbage can I bought recently. However, many of the humans would find that subject boring. I could also write that the bananas were a bit too green to buy. Sure, there might be some kind of conspiracy that has the other humans buying up all the ripe bananas before I get to the store so that I won't get any edible bananas. I could write about the weather getting cooler, but unless you happen to live in my town, it probably won't matter to you. Therefore, I chose the "square of life" idea.

I am also wondering if the "square of life" might have had an impact on Square dancing. Square dancing, for those of you who haven't heard of it (I know my blog is read in other countries) is a dance from the United States. It is still being done today probably to torture the teenagers who are trying to listen to rap music. Therefore, I have to admit that it is still useful because parents of teenagers do need some kind of punishment for the kids for having to put up with that age group. There are some good teenagers, but most of them are transformed temporarily into know it all humans who should be listening to their dogs for guidance, but even dogs can't do much with the teens. For those who want a full history of square dancing, you can go to this addresss:
http://www.dosado.com/articles/hist-maca.html
After visiting this site, I'm sure you will want to dosado all over the place. That is square dance talk for dancing around.

I have to move on now. There is napping to do.....a dog's naps are never done! Next time you hear someone mention the circle of life, let them know that it is really a square of life---a fact from Demon Flash Bandit, Siberian Husky!

Corporate Zombies Spotted on Wall Street!!!!

Recently I wrote a blog about zombie insurance that is available for purchase. I'm sure some of my readers laughed it off and assumed that there is no need for zombie insurance. However, I am going to share a news item about zombies:
http://www.inquisitr.com/147232/occupy-wall-street-goes-zombie-today/
You don't have to thank me for telling you about the zombie insurance in advance, but in the future, my readers need to learn to pay closer attention to what I say. I wrote about zombies, but even I did not expect to see corporate zombies although, to be fair, that is what most corporations are all about--zombie employees. If employees thought for themselves, many of them would quit their low paying jobs and start their own corporations. Then they would need to hire zombies so I guess it is one of those vicious cycles that never ends unless a dog is running things! Don't even ask me why us dogs aren't in charge. I have been wondering about that since I was a puppy. Just look at the humans. They aren't even smart enough to realize that walking on your two back legs makes you more likely to fall---yet they are in charge. I don't know about you, but it scares the tail off of me. Fortunately, I do still have my tail, but I've seen dogs that have been so terrified of the humans running things that they literally do not have tails. Their tails are docked, which means their tails took off in terror.

If you weren't wise enough to heed the advice of Demon Flash Bandit, and you failed to get zombie insurance, I suggest you get some before the zombies make it to your city. I suspect the zombie insurance company never thought they would have to actually pay out any claims so get it while you still can!

Demon Flash Bandit (Corporate Zombies on Wall Street)

Simple Rules for Training the Humans!

I want everyone to know that my Mommy went shopping today and got 2 boxes of Milkbones, a package of soft and chewy milkbones, and some ham for my dinner. This is what happens when a dog has a well trained human. This training is not easy, and it is best started when you are a puppy, but it is never too late to begin. The humans are slow learners, but they can learn--you just have to work with them. Yes, there will be times when a dog will feel that the humans are hopeless and not worth the trouble, but you must trudge on and keep trying. They can end up really surprising you once you have them properly trained. Here are a few tips.

1. Remember, the humans crave love so show them affection whenever possible, but particularly when they have done something right--like bringing home treats.

2. Let the human know who is boss. Of course, you are the dog so you are the boss.

3. Allow the human to look like he is in charge in front of other humans--you know you are really in charge, but the humans like to feel important. This is why they all walk around with cell phones talking about the weather.

4. When the human makes a mistake (and they will make many, many, many mistakes), don't hold it against them. Remember, they aren't dogs so they will make mistakes.

5. Sometimes let them eat at the table. This also makes them feel important.

6. Let them sleep in the big bed as long as there is plenty of room for you. Yeah, I know how it is when the humans think it is their bed, but humor them--they do go to work to pay for stuff so you have to let them have a few small victories. However, I've found that getting to bed before them and pretending to be asleep and not moving usually works well. This is why they have guest bedrooms--so that they will have a place to sleep themselves.

7. When you go for a walk, lead the way and decide where you are walking. Remember this is your walk--not theirs!

These are the beginning rules of training humans. Good luck, and remember, don't let them start bad habits because they are hard to break!

Demon Flash Bandit (Rules for Training the Humans)

Wall Street Hoarders!!!

I wonder if other people are as concerned as I am about whether the protesters on Wall Street are going to have any effect on the people who work on Wall Street. From what I see, the humans who work on Wall Street are still there, and they are still being crooks so it looks like business as usual on Wall Street. As a dog, I do wonder why so many of the humans allow so few humans to control the money and possessions. I have to admit that I have hoarded a few bones in my life, but never to the extent that the humans on Wall Street try to hog everything for themselves. You would think that money created happiness when all it buys is comfort. True happiness comes from within. All us dogs know that. Of course, you can't expect the humans to know things that come naturally to a dog. This is because the humans tend to be stupid when it comes to happiness. There are television shows about hoarders. Maybe they need to start a new one called "Wall Street Hoarders". Sure, their houses may be neat and clean (probably because they pay someone minimum wage to keep them that way), but if you look at their possessions, they are bigger hoarders than any of the ones who have been on television up to now. You would think the humans would get annoyed at the greed of other humans, but instead of it annoying them, most of them get caught up in it. I bet most of them haven't realized that they can't take it with them when they die....humans are such slow learners!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Views Of Wall Street Humans)

Mr. Ed Would Get His Own Bacon Treats

Happy Anniversary to Mr. Ed, the horse that entertained the humans every week for many seasons. For those who want to read more about Mr. Ed, here is the web address discussing his 50th anniversary:
http://www.aoltv.com/2011/09/29/mister-ed-50th-anniversary-tv-animal-quotes/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%7C100576
Since many famous animals were asked to talk about Mr. Ed, I am wondering why I was not asked since I am Demon Flash Bandit, the world famous blogging dog. I like Mr. Ed. I have watched his program, and he is a very cool horse. I think picking up the phone and playing pranks on Wilbur and ordering special stuff for himself shows that he was a true genius. I think animals everywhere can learn from his example.

I woke Mommy early this morning crying. She asked me why I was crying. She thought she would be funny so she asked me if I had lost my tail. My tail was not lost--and it is beautiful. Then she asked me if I was hungry. I said, "eat". She said she would get me something later when she got up. When she got up a couple of hours later, I was asleep using a bag of bacon treats I had gotten from the kitchen as a pillow. I like to think that Mr. Ed would do the same thing if he were a dog. Sometimes a dog has to take matters into his own paws.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Mr. Ed)