Ice City: Ideal Vacation Destination for a Sled Dog!

Making the decision of where to go on a vacation can be difficult, but thanks to the Internet, this dog knows where I want to go next. There is an Ice City in Habin, China that looks wonderful. Since I'm a sled dog, I happen to be fond of ice and snow so this would be paradise for me. There are so few places a dog can go where it is cold and you can enjoy ice and snow. My humans do not share my enthusiasm, but it really doesn't matter what they think. A vacation destination should be chosen by the family dog. If you have trained your humans well, it won't be a problem. However, for those dogs out there whose humans aren't as well trained as mine are, keep working on it. The humans take a long time to train. They aren't dogs so they don't possess our genius brains. Don't give up--the humans mean well. They can't help it that they are stupid. Here is the web address so you can see Ice City for yourself:

http://www.aol.com/video/the-ice-city-in-habin/517256776/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cvideo-module%7Csec3_lnk4%7C131443

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Vacation Paradise)

Miss Piggy and Kermit Answer Fox News

I will start this blog by stating that I am not a fan of Fox News. Therefore, I never watch it. However, when Fox News accused the recent muppet movie of being anti-oil and anti-corporation, I thought they had really went over the edge. That kind of reporting is the reason I don't watch their show. Fans of the muppets will be happy to know that Kermit and Miss Piggy have issued a statement regarding Fox News. They are not anti-oil or anti-corporation. Big oil companies and other corporations are not bad in themselves, but they do cause problems when they get too greedy-a fact which also applies to individuals. This is why I consider Fox an anti-news program. When I watch the news, I don't want opinion, I want facts. I'll decide my opinion for myself. It isn't like Fox is hiring dogs to give their opinions. Here is the web address for those who want to hear it from Kermit and Miss Piggy's own words.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/30/muppets-diss-fox-news-in-response-anti-oil_n_1241199.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Newsdog)

Newt Gingrich Should Be On The Moon!

Newt Gingrich is in favor of establishing a colony on the Moon. Personally, I don't think it is a good idea. I'm not saying that there won't be colonies on the Moon and other planets in the future, but at our present level of technology, I don't think it is a fiscally responsible idea. It would cost too much money. I would not be surprised if, in the future, it is possible, but that does not mean it is cost effective now. However, I do think that, since Gingrich thinks it is such a wonderful idea, that he start the colony himself. I think that many people would be willing to donate money to send him to the moon. I know I would. If he can take all his present and past wives with him, I think there would be enough people to start a decent sized colony. What if there are some moon creatures living on the moon that we can't see from Earth, and the Moon landing team didn't meet? Perhaps they won't mind Gingrich turning the moon into a state, but perhaps they won't be keen on the idea. I think the best place for Newt is the Loony Bin, but I'm not sure if there is enough room since us dogs think most of the humans are crazy--particularly those running for office. They "run" for office, yet all they do is stand around. I don't think they know what the word "run" means. I guess I will have to run for the Presidency to show the humans how to run as only a Siberian Husky can!

By the way, if they do establish a Moon Colony, do you think the cow that jumped over the Moon will become a member of the colony--just wondering.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Not Going to the Moon)

Fran Drescher: Spacenapped!

Actress Fran Drescher, star of The Nanny, says she was kidnapped by space aliens when she was young. I'm sure that many of the humans don't believe her, but this dog has no problem believing that she was spacenapped. I'm not sure which group spacenapped her, but at least she was allowed to return. One never knows what will happen when dealing with space aliens. This is why I think that space aliens should be required to fill in their citizenship status in whatever country they reside. The last thing the humans need is illegal space aliens infiltrating our neighborhoods. They are as bad as the zombie loans that the banks have given out--like anyone wants to live next door to a zombie. We should all write our representatives and tell them that we want space aliens to have to register their citizenship status so we will know they are here, and what planet they are from.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Spacenapping)

No Drug Tests for Lawmakers?

Indiana has had to withdraw a bill that would allow the state to do drug testing for welfare recipients. This is because an amendment was added that would require lawmakers take drug tests also. This dog has long wondered why the people running the government do such stupid things. I thought it was just because many of them are stupid. Now I supsect it isn't just stupidity, but it is also that they are stoned out of their minds. Now everyone knows. If they weren't stoned, they would not have had to stop the bill from becoming law over the amendment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lawmakers Stoned?)

A Note From Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

Robert Hegyes died yesterday of a heart attack. Hegyes played the character, Juan Epstein, on the 70's sitcom, Welcome Back Kotter. Epstein always had an excuse note for the teacher which was always signed, "Epstein's Mother". As a tribute to him, I am going to write a blog today which features an excuse letter from Demon Flash Bandit's mother.

Dear Teacher,
Please excuse Demon Flash Bandit for bringing a dead bird to class yesterday. He did not kill said bird, but the bird was dead when he found it. I think you missed a valuable opportunity to teach bird anatomy to your students, and I will be talking to the head of the school district about your obvious lack of qualifications to teach in our school district. You should have been happy to have such a valuable teaching object brought in by one of your more diligent students. The bite marks on the bird's neck were not made by Demon Flash Bandit--they were a mere coincidence.
Signed:

Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

A Note to Students: It is always a good idea to have several excuse letters on paw for emergencies. You never know when you might need an excuse note for your teacher!
Thanks Robert Hegyes for all the laughs you brought us during your career!

Demon Flash Bandit (Blog Written by Demon Flash Bandit--Not Demon Flash Bandit's Mother)

Birds Causing Problems for Kentucky Town

LaGrange, Kentucky--a town that is being overrun by black birds. The birds are causing many problems there including possible illness and respiratory problems for the residents. Many of the residents are carrying umbrellas with them to keep from being hit by the bird poop which is an inevitable part of having so many birds fly over an area. Is this just an isolated incident? I think not. I have been warning the humans of the evil plans of birds since I was a puppy. Birds cannot be trusted and they are trying to take over the planet. Even cats don't trust them, and cats aren't nearly as smart as us dogs! I hope that this town will serve as a warning to the rest of the humans---do something to stop the birds before it is too late. We dogs and cats have been doing our part, and now it is time for the humans to step up and do their part. Birds are evil and should not be allowed to live!! Here is the news article that you can read for yourself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/26/birds-invade-town_n_1233709.html


Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Attacking Kentucky Town)

A Ghost Did It!

A recent case of domestic abuse in Wisconsin has two different views of the same story. The wife says her husband hit her and tried to strangle her. Michael West, the husband, said a ghost did it. Paranormal researchers who were asked about the possibility of a ghost hitting the woman think that it was not a ghost, but that the husband was the culprit. I don't think the husband's past history of domestic abuse was helpful to the "ghost excuse", but you can't blame him for trying. Personally, I think this man deserves some credit for creativity. How many people would think of such a ridiculous excuse? If I were him, I would be a bit worried because there could be some ghosts out there that don't appreciate being falsely accused. Perhaps they will dispense their own "ghostly justice", and the next time the police are coming to his aide, he will be telling the truth when he says a ghost did it!

For those who would like to read the article, here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/ghost-punch_n_1224272.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Blaming Ghosts for My Actions)

Tin Tin Not Nominated for an Oscar

The movies that are up for Oscars have been announced, and as usual, this dog is not particularly pleased with the choices. I'm not saying that the choices aren't good movies. However, when Puss and Boots--a movie starring a cat gets a nomination when Tin Tin--a movie starring a dog does not, you know that the Oscars are not being chosen properly. Evidently, cats have taken over the process. Although I don't mind cats, they can't be trusted to be impartial or unbiased. It is just their nature. This is why I don't watch the Oscars, and don't bother to keep up with who wins. When I know Tin Tin isn't going to be chosen, why would I bother to watch. Usually, they choose humans, and humans are never as good in the acting profession as dogs. I am personally planning another Demon Flash Bandit boycott of the Oscars. I won't go to them, watch them, or accept one when I'm nominated. Okay, maybe I would accept one if they offer me one. It would be one of the few times when the Academy gets it right!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Tin Tin Should be an Oscar Nominee)

I Want to Drive a Race Car!

I was recently watching a car race, and I realized that what the race really needs is drivers like myself who are dogs. I happen to be an excellent driver--not like the stupid cat on Saturday Live named Toonses who is always driving off a cliff. You can't trust cats to drive a car. The real advantage to having dogs as race car drivers is that we are so handsome that we would make super great people to endorse the products that sponsor the race. Who could resist buying something when a dog is telling you that it is a great product? I know I couldn't. Therefore, it is about time the humans were replaced by dogs. We would make the races far more interesting to watch.

Demon Flash Bandit (Future Race Car Driver)

Dogdude:Great American Dog Hero

With the recent popularity of the Batman movie franchise, I have decided it is time to write a script involving a new superhero that the young people can relate to more than the traditional Batman. He will be called Batdude. Wait, why bother with Batman? I will write about an even cooler super hero, Dogdude. Dogdude will wear a cool cape, and he will come when called-if he is in the mood. There are times when the humans call me, and I am relaxing. I don't bother to go to them because I know that they are calling me for some silly reason, and I'm not going to get up for their amusement. He will eat only human food, and will expect treats for a job well done--like rescuing the humans from the stupid situations they manage to get themselves into. Dogdude will be the greatest super hero ever to grace the big screen, and he will be played by me because I am the only dog who can pull off such a cool part. The studios will only have to pay me $70 million dollars, but I'm sure that won't be a problem. I'm sure they know that they are getting a bargain when they get me for such a small sum.

Demon Flash Bandit (DogDude)

Time to Build a Snowdog!

We finally got some snow, and I went outside to build a Snowdog. Most of the humans build snowmen, but there are already more than enough humans; and since dogs are better, I think building a snowdog makes more sense. The best thing about snowdogs is that, unlike real dogs, they don't want to share your milkbones or dingo bones. I happen to enjoy both of those items, and am not fond of sharing. This is why I prefer snowdogs. You can play with them, and they leave your stuff alone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fond of Snowdogs!)

Birds: Get Out of Town!

Once upon a time.....yeah, this is a fairy tale. If it were a more modern tale, it would more likely start....this happened awhile back. Once upon a time, there was a town that was overrun by birds. Everyone should be aware that birds are evil (particularly if they read my blog). The town's leaders got together to try to decide what to do to get rid of the evil birds. There were many ideas from poison birdseed which could kill other animals to shooting them, but that would involve everyone carrying a gun. Then one of the leaders remembered that he had read a news story about a dog--a Siberian Husky-who hated birds and could get rid of all of them just by playing music. You may have guessed that this is where I come into the story. This is not just a fairy tale because this is a true story. I happen to play a mean flute, and I have the ability to have birds follow me wherever I want them to go. I took the job, and made an arrangement with some hungry cats to be waiting where I would bring all the birds. The cats were thrilled by this arrangement because cats love to eat birds! I did just as I promised, and all the birds were eaten by the cats so that the town was bird free. When I showed up to get my pay, the city leaders decided to stiff me on the pay and did not come through with the necessary money. I'm sure many of you are thinking that I would get out my flute, and lead all the children out of town. However, I observed that leading the children out of town would make life way too easy on the adults of the town so I left the kids and the cats paid me for the feast they enjoyed. The moral of this story is that Demon Flash Bandit hates birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Pied Piper Husky)

Secretary Should Not Take the Day Off

My secretary took off today, and that is why my blog is being written so late. I would deduct the time from her pay if I actually paid her. At least she dropped off my hamburgers before she took off for the day! She had some shopping to do--I checked my stash. I had plenty of rawhide bones, milkbones, and dingo bones so there was nothing important she had to shop for today. I checked the bags when she got home, and all she had was stupid stuff....not one thing I would have purchased. This is why dogs should be allowed in stores. The humans can't be trusted to do their own shopping. Without their dogs, they are useless!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Should Do the Shopping)

Modern Family---Bleeping a Word

I happen to like the television show, Modern Family, so I was annoyed to see in the news today that some of the humans are upset because the little girl on the show starts saying a "bad word", and it gets bleeped out so that you can't hear it. There are only two reasons for being upset about the little girl saying a word that you can't actually hear. Reason 1: You are curious, and want to know what the word really is. I really think that is no reason to get upset over the entire show. I know the humans are curious by nature, but the studio might be saving the word for the dvd or, and this is probably the case, the word is never said, but it is bleeped out for effect. Reason 2 is that some of the humans are upset over profanity being used by a child. Evidently, these humans have not visited a school lately because the kids nowadays are far more versed in it than those of past generations. Besides, as I said earlier, chances are the bleep is for effect. It is a shame that many of the humans aren't smart enough to understand this concept. I might add that, for those of us who watch Modern Family (and my humans have it on dvd), the show is not a 1950's type show so it you are upset by profanity, I would suggest not watching it in the first place. It always amazes me that the humans do not seem to be capable of operating a remote control to turn off the television or change the channel. My humans aren't not geniuses, and they managed to work the television even before they came with remotes. Yes, you actually had to get up and walk across the room to turn the television on or off or to change the channels. Life was so tough back then. I'm glad I live in a more modern era. I personally have not seen the episode in question, but I really hate it when some of the humans want to tell other humans what to watch and how to live. Most of the time, they are also the ones whose own lives are a mess. Maybe they need to mind their own business and fix their own problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Modern Family)

Royal Yacht

Since the British tax payers do not want to pay for a new yacht for Queen Elizabeth that would cost $92 million, I have some ideas for the Queen to help her pay for the new yacht. I have offered her a job mowing my yard. I think I could find other odd jobs around here for her to do. However, my family does not have $92 million dollars so she might have to take on some tasks for other humans. Personally, I do not think the Queen really needs a new yacht. In fact, everytime I see her in photo shoots, she does not really look that happy. I think the Queen needs some time for fun--and not that royal type fun that looks annoying. I'm talking about real fun--like us dogs like to enjoy. Perhaps romping around the yard, and smelling some good smells. That makes me happy, and it does not cost $92 million dollars. In fact, both activities are free. I hope the Queen Lady finds some things to do that make her happy. I bet her dogs could teach her a bunch of fun things to do! Hey, I just thought of a great way for her to make extra money.....has she considered wearing a Walmart tshirt and having Walmart pay her to do so.....I bet that would make Walmart look a lot classier, and God knows they need help in that area if you have ever been to peopleofwalmart.com

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Fun Activities)

Dog Finally Wins Golden Globe Award!

I have written many blogs saying that dogs need to be nominated for more movie awards. Thus, it did my heart good to see Uggie the dog with a paw on the Golden Globe award. The dog won the award for being in The Artist. Wait a minute, I think my secretary (a human) said that she doesn't think the dog actually won the award....that can't be. I see the dog's paw on the award with my own blue eyes. If the dog didn't win, then the humans obviously did not give the award to the proper winner. Uggie should have won the award. Without Uggie, I'm sure it would have been a complete failure. Even when a dog isn't in a movie, you know they are behind the scenes showing the humans how to act. Let's face it, the humans can barely get up in the morning if they don't have a dog. Anyway, I want to conpawtulate Uggie for winning the award, because as far as this dog is concerned, Uggie won, and my opinion is all that matters. I don't care what those silly show business types think!

Demon Flash Bandit (Glad to See a Dog Win a Golden Globe)

Illegal Alien Worms Not Welcome Here

I just discovered an item on the Internet that claims that space rocks might have fossillized worms in them. This brings me to the conclusion that some of the rocks might have live worms in them. Worms are disgusting creatures, and I think we have more than enough of them here on Earth. We don't need to have them coming here from outer space. Besides, birds eat worms so it will just encourage the birds to have more birdlings. From what the humans say, there are already illegal aliens living in the United States so I think we have put up with enough from these "space creatures". I think it is time to put them all on a spaceship and send them back to wherever they belong! I'm surprised none of the humans running for political office have mentioned this plan. I guess it is too simple for them to understand. Anyway, I think this needs to be done before space fleas start coming here too. I dislike worms, but I hate fleas, and they are one of the most useless life forms on the planet. For those who want to read more details about the annoying space worms, here is the article:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3449881/Worms-in-space-Rocks-show-alien-life.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Allow Illegal Worm Aliens into the Country)

Movie Review--We Bought a Zoo

I went to see the movie, We Bought a Zoo. This movie stars Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. The family in the movie consists of a father, son, and daughter. The dad decides to move because, due to his wife's recent death, living in the house he had was too painful. He finds a house that he likes, but to own it, he has to buy it as a zoo. I think it is a delightful movie, and the animals were very good actors, but of course, as usual, the humans did not list them in the credits. I personally think it is very unfair since most modern movies list the caterers, but leave out the animal stars. I don't mean to sound uncaring, but I honestly don't care who served the food to the actors, and we dogs usually consider that a very important job. However, I digest, or digress, but I'd rather digest--where is the food around here? (Oh yeah, it was ham, and I ate it already.) The movie was very heart-warming, and I enjoyed it very much. The family even had a dog, and, although the dog should have gotten more screen time, I'm still glad the movie had the good sense to include a dog. It would not surprise me if the dog was the one running the zoo. This movie was based on a true story, and I applaud this family for having the good sense to do something different. Most humans just do what the other humans do---which is sad for them! They are humans, not robots! I would give the movie a happy tail wag, a bunch of kisses, and 4 paws up. This is about a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I recommend this movie. If you like animals, you'll enjoy this movie!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

I Need My Own Office

I have decided that I need my own desk and computer since I write a blog everyday. In fact, I think I should have an office of my own. Why do the humans think that a dog does not need his own office? What would the humans do without my words of wisdom to help them through the day? I am a celebrity dog, and as such, I think I deserve special things like an office. It is hard work telling the humans what to do. I had to start training my own humans when I was just a wee puppy. If I had not started their training early, they would not have learned to do what I tell them to do. This is a big problem for dogs. Instead of the humans doing tricks, some of the badly trained humans have their dogs doing tricks which is just wrong. Dogs are not supposed to do what the humans tell them to do, but it is the other way around. Even cats know that you don't do what the humans tell you to do, and they are CATS!!! If cats understand this concept, then you would think the humans could understand, but the sad fact is that humans are even dumber than cats! Anyway, I need my own office so that I can continue to write my blog, and not have to share a desk and a computer with the humans in this house. I still don't know why my humans think they have anything useful to do on the computer anyway!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want My Own Office)

Scientific Study

I have decided to ask for a government grant to study the behavior of drunk humans versus drunk monkeys. I was watching some drunk humans throw their poop at each other and I wondered if drunk monkeys stop throwing their poop at each other. Okay, I haven't actually seen the humans do that when they are drunk. I have observed drunken humans in parking lots while I'm waiting on my humans and they get really silly. I know that the dogs reading this are thinking, but aren't humans always stupid? Yes, that is true, but they get even dumber when they are drunk. In fact, you would think that they wouldn't get drunk considering how stupid they get, but they are so stupid, they continue to get drunk anyway! Then I started thinking--what if monkeys get classier when they are drunk. I think 10 million dollars to study this would be enough. Once my "findings" are published, then maybe the humans will quit drinking so much. I do want to say up front, that 5 million will be used to purchase dingo bones because they help me think, and I am going to need all my brain power to do this study. I'm not just doing it go get 5 million dollars for dingo bones. I am really concerned about this subject, and it is of vital importance to everyone on the planet. Besides, wouldn't it be cool to see a monkey in a tuxedo? You just have to pray that the other monkeys don't sober up and start throwing poop at him. An interesting documentary has been done on this subject already--Planet of the Apes, but it was not done as well as my study will be done--it is done by humans. It would not surprise me if the humans doing the documentary blew things up---I would hate to see the Statue of Liberty blown up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready to do a Scientific Study)

World's Smallest Working Dog!

As a Siberian Husky, I am considered a "working breed" dog. Of course, I prefer to take naps and do as I please. However, I want to share this video about a dog who has set a world record as the smallest "working dog" who is currently holding down the job of therapy dog. Lucy is a Yorkshire Terrier, and she has been named the world record holder for smallest working dog. I think Lucy deserves a round of applawse--yeah--applawse--that is applause done with paws by dogs! Lucy is not only a great dog for working so hard, but she is also a very cute dog in my opinion! For those who would like to see the video, here is the address:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/11/tiny-yorkshire-terrier-lucy_n_1199689.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Working Breed Dog)

Dogs: Better Than Humans!

I saw on the Internet today that Kim Kardashian is being replaced in a Sketchers commercial by a dog. Evidently, someone at an advertising agency has been reading my blogs about how dogs are much better in movies than the humans, and they were smart enough to listen! I don't know who this Kim Kardsahian is, but as I understand it, she stars in some reality show. I don't like reality shows so I have never watched her show. From the headlines that she gets on the Internet, I don't think I am missing anything because I am not impressed. I am impressed that a company would have the intelligence to hire a dog in their commercials. I just hope they don't make the dog wear shoes. I hate shoes!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs--Better Than Humans)

Detroit, Michigan--Virtual Police Station

Today I am going to share a news article from Detroit, Michigan with my readers. In the future, the city is going to try out the new concept of a "virtual police station". At the moment, this "virtual" police station will have some actual humans working there, but actual humans require actual pay. It won't be long until an accountant tells the city that they can hire virtual workers and save money. This leads me to a whole new situation. If a city is protected by a virtual police force, how long will it take before the criminals decide to go "virtual" too? Let's face it, if criminals were hard workers, they would not be criminals--they would get jobs. Therefore, the idea that eventually, they would decide to start sitting at their computer to commit "virtual crimes" will become a reality. This is important since some of the humans are spending a vast amount of money on "virtual items" which means that everyone will have to be watching their games to report any "virtual crimes" when they happen. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if you don't play Farmville for a couple of weeks and come back to discover all your farm equipment has been stolen? I think this is an alarming trend which should be stopped. Let's tell our local governments that we want real policemen--not virtual policemen--except for traffic cops. Since I haven't got my doggy driver's license yet--I don't want to get in trouble if I take the car for a drive!

Demon Flash Bandit (Real Dog--Not Virtual Dog)

Movie Review: War Horse

I went to see War Horse, and as usual, I am going to share my thoughts on this movie with my readers. The movie takes place during World War 1, and the part of Albert is played by Jeremy Irvine. The star went uncredited because the star was a horse whose name in the movie was Joey. Joey came to live with his family because Albert's dad paid too much for Joey at an auction when he, probably partly due to being drunk, got a little over zealous with bidding which almost caused him to lose his farm. However, Joey came through and saved the farm. However, the father still had to sell him to the British Army because he needed the money. Joey ended up in the British Cavalry, and was soon captured by the Germans. Joey was not treated well, and as a result, I did not like this movie very much. It was bad enough that the studio did not give the horse credit probably to keep him from winning an Oscar, but by the time the movie was over, it made me realize that the humans are always dragging animals into their skirmishes. This dog does not approve. Why not just let the horses negotiate a settlement? I'm sure they have more sense than the humans. The humans even refer to common sense as "horse sense" so even they know that horses are smarter than them. It wasn't exactly a "bad movie", but it was depressing. After seeing that movie, if it were up to me, I would have cancelled World War 1. It didn't look like a good era to live through.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review of War Horse)

Dr. Doghouse: New Television Program

I am very excited to talk about a new show that is going to be premiering on television soon. It is about a veterinarian diagnostician named Dr. Doghouse. I have gotten permission to share one of the upcoming episodes with my readers:

In this episode, a dog is admitted to the veterinary hospital. The dog's tail won't wag which, as all dogs know, is a serious medical condition. If a tail doesn't wag, how can a dog wag his tail? The dog is met by a team of veterinarians who work for Dr. Doghouse because Dr. Doghouse does not personally see patients. Dr. Doghouse only took the case because it is interesting. Hospitals do not treat patients unless the condition is interesting. Dr. Doghouse finally comes by to see the patient in this situation because he is so intrigued by the symptoms. He sniffs the dog's butt, and checks over the tests, and finds that the dog has lazytailitis. He fixes the problem and the dog goes home feeling good and wagging his tail.

I don't know about the rest of you, but this program should be a big hit among the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Dr. Doghouse)

Ancient Egyptian Dog Diary!

I went to a garage sale because everyone knows that is where you go to find antiquities. I found a real treasure because I found a diary written by an ancient Egyptian dog, Gahiji. I am going to share an entry with you now:

Gahiji:
Things are going well today. My human, Habibah is at work today. Habibah is one of the men who builds the pyramids. He should have listened to his mother, and he could have gotten a better job, but he doesn't mind working at the pyramid. I am worried that he will lose his job. He keeps writing graffiti hieroglyphs on the pyramid walls, like "the Pharaoh needs to get a life", and "Where is my mummy?". Yeah, I know his humor is silly, but Habibah is a human so he does not have the class and intelligence of a dog. I just hope the Pharaoh doesn't catch him doing it because I'm fond of eating, and Habibah's job keeps me fed.
Gahiji (Ancient Egyptian Dog)

I am so fortunate to find such a treasure for my antiquities collection. It is a shame that I can't meet Gahiji in dogson. I bet he was a fun dog to hang out with.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing an Ancient Dog Diary Entry)

Is It Charlie the Tuna?

Kiyosha Kimura, president of Kizomura Co. bought the world's most expensive tuna--a bluefin tuna caught off the coast of Japan. The tuna cost $736,700. This makes me wonder if they caught Charlie, the StarKist commercial tuna. He is always trying to get caught by doing things in good taste only to hear, Star Kist does not want tunas with good taste--they want tunas that taste good. However, Charlie is a celebrity tuna so I can understand if the humans ever do decide to catch him, that he might cost a lot of money. How many humans can say they own Charlie, the StarKist tuna? I bet that is quite a status symbol among the wealthy. If you happen to run into the $736,700. tuna, be sure and ask if his name is Charlie. If not, maybe it is one of Charlie's friends, and he will tell you that Charlie sent him.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Charlie Tuna)

I'm the Cookie Bandit!

Earlier today I was in the mood for a cookie. When I say "cookie", I am talking about the cookies the humans eat, not dog biscuits. I am particularly fond of peanut butter cookies. Anyway, I have heard that there are Keebler elves who make cookies, and they bake those cookies in hollow trees. I thought this would be useful information since we have a lot of trees around here, and I could check to see which tree the elves are using for their cookie business. I could also get a couple of tasty cookies while I am there. I went outside and I checked every tree in the yard, and there were no elves in any of them. Unless the elves have some advanced technological force field that keeps a dog from seeing them, they weren't there. Besides, even if they could not be seen by a dog, it would be hard to keep a dog from smelling those delicious cookies. If you ask me, it is false advertising to tell a dog that the cookies are made in trees if the dog can't find the tree. Because I was so annoyed, I made sure I lifted my leg to every tree in the yard. The trees appreciate being watered, and just in case those elves are hiding, they deserve a shower. In the future, I will be checking every tree I see just to make sure that there are no elves hiding in the tree refusing to give a dog cookies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Call Me Cookie Bandit)

The True Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Garbage

I am making a new action movie entitled, The True Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Garbage. You might ask, why not just sue the studio that made Indiana Jones for making a bogus movie from the real story? However, in that movie, Indiana loved his dog so I'm letting it slide. Besides, my movie will be a bigger box office hit anyway. I am going to star in the title roll. Of course, there will be lots of interesting garbage. The film will take place during World War 2, and the Germans will be after the ancient garbage. Hitler thinks that whoever gets the garbage can rule the world. Of course, Indiana steps in to try to stop Hitler. I can't tell you anymore or it would spoil the movie's ending. Anyway, watch out for The True Raiders of the Lost Garbage which will soon be opening at a theatre near you!

Demon Flash Bandit (Producer, Director, Star, and Garbage Collector)

No New Year's Resolutions For This Dog!

This is my first blog of the new year, and I thought I would start it by talking about New Year's Resolutions. I don't have any. Dogs do not bother with them because there is no way we could make any improvements to our lives. The humans make them because the humans can always use some improvement. If you ask me, my first suggestion for them would be to walk on all fours. Seriously, how many humans fall every year trying to walk on their back paws? You don't see dogs falling nearly as much because we have enough common sense to realize that walking on all 4 paws is superior to walking on only two paws! Of course, as simple as this concept happens to be, the humans don't seem to understand. No wonder they have to make so many resolutions. Sadly, most of them have given up on them today. Most of the humans can't handle a whole day of improvement. Most give up after about 2 hours. I guess there is always next year....

Demon Flash Bandit (No New Year's Resolutions for This Dog)