Scientific Study

I have decided to ask for a government grant to study the behavior of drunk humans versus drunk monkeys. I was watching some drunk humans throw their poop at each other and I wondered if drunk monkeys stop throwing their poop at each other. Okay, I haven't actually seen the humans do that when they are drunk. I have observed drunken humans in parking lots while I'm waiting on my humans and they get really silly. I know that the dogs reading this are thinking, but aren't humans always stupid? Yes, that is true, but they get even dumber when they are drunk. In fact, you would think that they wouldn't get drunk considering how stupid they get, but they are so stupid, they continue to get drunk anyway! Then I started thinking--what if monkeys get classier when they are drunk. I think 10 million dollars to study this would be enough. Once my "findings" are published, then maybe the humans will quit drinking so much. I do want to say up front, that 5 million will be used to purchase dingo bones because they help me think, and I am going to need all my brain power to do this study. I'm not just doing it go get 5 million dollars for dingo bones. I am really concerned about this subject, and it is of vital importance to everyone on the planet. Besides, wouldn't it be cool to see a monkey in a tuxedo? You just have to pray that the other monkeys don't sober up and start throwing poop at him. An interesting documentary has been done on this subject already--Planet of the Apes, but it was not done as well as my study will be done--it is done by humans. It would not surprise me if the humans doing the documentary blew things up---I would hate to see the Statue of Liberty blown up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready to do a Scientific Study)

Happy New Year to All

There was good news today from my friend, the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II). She is now a great grandmother. Of course, I know it is only 1 human puppy, but it is still good news for her. My friend, Holly, a German Shepherd in New Zealand, had 5 sons earlier this month. Human puppies are not as advanced as dog puppies so it is a real handful to have more than one of them. Did you know that human puppies can't even take care of themselves until they are 2 or 3? I know many dogs who already have jobs and have moved away from home before they are even 1 year old. I know the humans are inferior to us dogs, but I have yet to decide if it is a matter of them really being slow or if the humans just spoil their human puppies too much. Most of them don't even start walking until they are about a year old. The not walking until 1 sounds like maybe the human puppies might be lazy. Anyway, it is good news for the Queen Lady. I just hope that it doesn't interfere with her coming here to mow my yard. I have been looking forward to her visit, and I know how nice it would be for her to earn a few extra euros, what with the household cutbacks she has had to institute due to the economy.

Today is the last day of 2010. As I reminded my readers yesterday, be sure and enjoy those bad habits that you plan to make resolutions about today before the resolutions go into effect. I'm sure many of you are wondering about my plans for New Year's Eve. Being the world famous celebrity dog that I am, I could go to any number of parties, but I plan to stay home with my humans. I thought about hopping a private jet to a colder spot like Alaska, but even if there hasn't been as much snow as a dog can hope for, it is nice to spend time at home. As Toto's human on the movie, The Wizard of Oz, finally realized at the end of the movie--"there is no place like home". Humans take a long time to realize the most simple facts. Personally, I would have wondered about the reality of Oz as soon as I saw a bunch of Munchkins and a crazy witch. The flying monkeys are okay. They have their own airline called TransWorldApe Airlines. They are the planes with the monkey painted on the side. I wonder if they would let a dog fly with them if the dog has enough bananas to pay them for the ticket.

I wish everyone a happy new year, and don't party so much tonight that you get into trouble. Trouble is not a good way to start out a new year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Last Day of 2010)