Movie Review: Django Unchained

Today I am going to write a movie review of the movie, Django Unchained.  This movie stars Jamie Foxx as Django (pronounced Jango--the D is silent), Christoph Waltz as Dr. King Schultz, and Leonardo DiCaprio as Calvin Candie (owner of the plantation, Candyland).  This movie takes place in the south before the Civil War, and it is a western.   I have to admit that I was a bit diappointed when Candyland was just a stupid plantation and not a place where a dog could find candy growing in the fields, but despite the initial disappointment, it was still a very good movie. Django is a slave who is bought by Dr. King Schultz, a dentist who became a bounty hunter.  I suppose that people probably like bounty hunters more than dentists so it was probably a wise career move.  Imagine spending all that time in school only to have most patients not want to visit your office.  King needed Django because he had 3 people to bring in, but did not know what they looked like, and Django did.  After catching the 3 criminals, Django continued to work with King, and King agreed to help him find his wife.  Django and his wife had attempted to run so both were sold to different plantations which is why there were separated.  I give this movie 4 paws up, a tail wag, and some kisses which would be about a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I might add that there was a cameo appearance by some dogs, but since the dogs were out to catch a slave, they weren't your typical friendly dogs like myself.  However, they were just doing what their humans told them to do so they aren't really responsible for their unsocialable behavior. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Product Review: Arrive or Crash Airlines

Today I am going to review an airline for those who might be planning to go on a trip.  That airline is Arrive or Crash airlines.  My first comment is that I think it takes guts to be up front with the customers and name your company a name that will tell them the truth so the company gets points with me for being honest.  This company could never be accused of false advertising with their name!  I checked the statistics for this airline, and they get their customers to their destinations about 40% of the time.  Of course, 30% of those get to their destination on the stand-by buses that the airline owns in case their planes won't take off.  The other 60% of flights result in crashes.  However, there are very few customer complaints about those crashes because there usually are no survivors to complain.  Therefore, the airline has a good record in the customer complaint department.

The airline takes great pains to make sure that their customers enjoy superior service on all flights, and that standard is also maintained on their buses.  Nothing is too good for their passengers.  They provide their services at no charge.  Unlike some airlines who charge for food or snacks, they give every passenger water, and they also hand out a complimentary free peanut.  If you should decide to fly Arrive or Crash Airlines, you will be asked to sign a waiver saying you won't hold them responsible if your luggage or your body gets lost before reaching your destination.  If you won't sign a waiver like that, book a flight on another airline because you won't be allowed to fly Arrive or Crash airline. 

Personally, I have no plans to fly this airline largely because I'm a dog, and dogs aren't allowed.  The company knows that dogs have too much sense to fly on their airplanes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Product Reviewer)

Demon Flash Bandit: He-Dog

One of my human brothers used to be very fond of a television program called He-Man, Masters of the Universe.  He-Man was actually Prince Adam, but when there was trouble on Eternia (the planet on which he lived), he would become a superman type character called He-Man.  I thought I would watch this program and write about it to let my readers know whether it is worth watching.  Although it is not a bad show, I think it would have been better if I had played the part of He-Dog.  Normally, I would be Prince Demon Flash Bandit, a regular, handsome dog who likes to nap and enjoy treats (particularly bacon).  However, when an evil dude like Skeletor comes along (he was the lead villian in the show), I could grab a bone and say, "by the power of dogdom, I have the power.  He-Man used to grab a sword and say, "by the power of Grayskull, I have the power".  Another improvement I would make if I were He-Dog is that He-Man used to ride Battle Cat, and there is no way a dog would ride a cat into battle.  Even though I don't mind cats, I still would not want to ride one into battle.  Cats are just way too unpredictable.  I would also make sure that, when I caught Skeletor, there would be no more problems with him because a skeleton is just a bunch of bones, and all us dogs know what to do with them.  I would chew them into powder, and Skeletor would no longer be bothering anyone on Eternia.  I also think that a dog would have an advantage with Stinkor since we don't tend to to pass judgement on smells.  They are odors, and not good or bad--just fun to sniff.  I might add that I would make  a great He-Dog because we huskies are muscular and I'm also handsome--at least that is what the humans are always telling me.  If the movie studios want to make a He-Dog film, I'm available, but don't expect me to work for regular rawhide bones.  I would demand dingo bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (He-Dog)

Demon Flash Bandit's Christmas

I hope everyone had a great Christmas.  I got a lot of new toys and treats so I'm a happy dog!  I hope Santa Paws was as good to all the dogs out there.    Angel Zoom Smokey is still annoyed at Santa Paws.  She asked for several million dollars--as usual, and he didn't come through.  I told her he had to give to dogs all over the world.  However,  she said that he is supposed to bring a dog what she wants and that was what she wanted.  She says she was doing him a favor since he didn't have to make her stuff of do any shopping.  Sometimes there is just no reasoning with Angel.  Mother Nature did let us have a white Christmas, but there was only about an inch of snow which is not enough for this Siberian Husky.  However, it was more than my humans wanted.  My Mommy has been known to say that if she never sees another snowflake in her life, she would be happy.  Yeah, I think she is crazy too.  I love snow, ice, and cold.  I have to stop writing now since it is time for my nap.  I have been up for half an hour.  Any dog who thinks like a dog will tell you that a dog needs to nap at least 20 hours a day. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs a Nap)

Jello Pudding Saves the World

The msn home page has a news item that states that the reason the world did not end on December 21, 2012 as predicted by the Mayan calendar was that Jello left some pudding for the "gods".  I'm not sure just how "scientific" that conclusion happens to be, but I do have to admit that I have to give the humans at Jello credit for having a plan.  Most of the humans just partied and waited for the end to come.  I don't care if it is scientific or not, this dog thinks that it is a plausible conclusion for why the world didn't end.  Most of these ancient gods were used to human sacrifice, and if you ask most of us dogs, the humans don't even taste that good.  Yes, there are a few dogs who have sampled the humans, and the general consensus among those dogs is that humans don't even taste as good as chicken.  However, I have yet to meet a dog who didn't find pudding delicious.  In fact, my humans stayed at a cabin on vacation years ago on Neebish Island in Michigan, and there were porcupines who were trying to get into the cabin because the humans had eaten some pudding and they found it in the garbage and wanted more.  I guess they thought if they were invited inside, that they would be offered more of it.  Perhaps the ancient world would have been a happier place if the humans back then had invented pudding and offered it to the gods as an offering.  I bet the gods would have been in a lot better mood if their tummys were full of pudding instead of human--a practice that has never made much sense to me.  I do hope that they never sacrificed a dog because that would be wrong....terribly wrong. 

Since today is Christmas Eve, I want to wish all my readers a merry Christmas, and a good day for those who don't celebrate Christmas.  This dog can't wait to open my gifts!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Jello-You Can Never Go Wrong Offering Jello Pudding)

Christmas Hamburgers Should be Fresh!

Christmas will be here in a couple of days so today I am going to take this opportunity to complain that most restaurants will be closed on Christmas--including McDonalds, Wendys, and Burger King.  All the restaurants that serve the hamburgers that this dog likes to eat will be closed!!  Don't they realize that there are hungry dogs who want a hamburger on Christmas?  I'm sure some of the humans are going to say, "Demon, you can get the burger on Christmas Eve, and put it in the refrigerator and  eat it on Christmas".  Sure, that can be done, but Christmas is supposed to be special with presents and special foods, and just how special is a burger that isn't fresh, but has been microwaved to get it warm?  I know that the employees might want to be home with the family dog, but I'm sure many of them don't have a dog, and staying home would just involve them opening presents, eating, watching television, and sleeping.  I don't think I need to tell you that those are all dog activities, and the humans should be up working and taking care of their dog's every wish.   The only way to keep the humans truly happy is for them to be making a dog happy, and that is scientific fact--I didn't just make it up for my own selfish reasons.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Fresh Hamburger on Christmas)

December 21,2012: Not the End of the World

How many of the dogs reading this blog were amused that some of the humans thought that the world was going to end yesterday?  The humans are always such a wonderful source of entertainment for us dogs.  The Mayans were a very advanced civilization, but my assumption was that the calendar would probably start all over again once it reached the last date, just as our modern calendars do each year.   Besides, how do we know that everything was translated properly since they were an ancient people and none of them are around to explain their calendar to us?  However, when some of the humans think that the world is going to end, they do such entertaining things that we dogs don't want to ruin the fun with logic.  I wasn't around when 1999 ended and so many of the humans thought that the computers would go crazy and things would quit working.  We dogs think that machines wouldn't really think about it, but just go on and do what they are supposed to do as always.  Sure, computers are smart, but they can't really think like a dog does.  I have to admit that my humans weren't any fun yesterday because they did not think the world would end.  However,  I did enjoy hearing about the ones who did think it was the end.  It must have been great for the dogs who have those humans.  I bet they were enjoying a great day watching the silly humans act stupid.

Demon Flash Bandit (Enjoying the Silly Human Behavior)

Movie Review: The Hobbit

I went to see The Hobbit yesterday.  Peter Jackson took a large risk making a movie starring no dogs, and only humans, but the humans were excellent.  Of course, I do think the movie would have been better with dogs instead of humans, but I think everyone knows that already.  This movie is a prequel to the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy.  This movie tells how the dwarves lost their kingdom to a dragon, and they start the quest to return to their home, and get rid of the dragon.  These dwarves are not the usual dwarves that most of us are familiar with--Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, etc., and there are more than 7 of them.  I did not care for the part where the birds were heroes who saved the group from death.  However, don't assume that all birds in the movie are good because that is just not possible when dealing with birds.  You know some evil ones are going to turn up eventually.  Also, I did love the rabbits pulling the wizard.  We sled dogs enjoy seeing other animals do our job, and I am very fond of rabbits since I used to be pals with one who was also a pet around here when I was a puppy.  This movie gets 4 paws up, a tail wag, some kisses, some extra slobbering, and a good sniff.  This would be a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I recommend this movie as one to see.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Justice for Ramses III

Today, in the news, there is an item stating that Ramses III, Egyptian Pharoah  probably of the 20th dynasty (1186 BC-1155 BC) was murdered by having his throat slit.  It is thought that the murder involved a conspiracy in his harem, but the murderers are not being arrested because they have been dead for thousands of years.  I, for one, am glad that this mystery has been solved because I'm sure that Ramses III will rest better knowing that his killers have finally been identified.  In an interview I had with him, he said that the first hundred years of being dead were annoying, but after that, he got used to the idea of being dead and it isn't so bad.  However, I am concerned about the possibility that his killers might be getting off easy just because they are dead.  Still at large:  Brendan Fraser for killing the mummy!  Will he ever be brought to justice for killing the mummy?  I think his film career answers that question.  When Ramses III was asked about his opinion of Brendan Fraser, he said,  "Dudley Doright did wrong."

Demon Flash Bandit (Justice for Ramses III)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Too Many Birds in Movies

Today I want to discuss the movie, Pirates of the Caribbean.  After 4 have been made, I still see no one in the media wondering why birds hold such important roles in the films.  First, you have the star, Captain Jack SPARROW-  sparrows are birds.  Another main character, Elizabeth SWAN, is also a bird's name since swans are birds.  The only role that should be played by a bird--the pirate's "pet" is played by a monkey.  I think these are excellent movies, but I have to wonder why birds were so important to the movies.  I hope that the names are mere coincidences, but I do think that studios should pay more attention to things like that in the future.  In fact, Hollywood has a lot of actors with bird names so how do we dogs know that it is not a conspiracy to get the humans to like birds?  I am going to list some Hollywood names that involve birds:
Russell CROW, Ethan HAWKE, MARTIN Landau, Dean MARTIN, Steve MARTIN, JAY Leno, MARTIN, Scorsesi, MARTIN Sheen, MARTIN Short, and ROBIN Williams.  Perhaps these bird names do not bother the humans, but we dogs think that the number of "humans" with bird names is excessive, and a dog should be investigating this matter before birds take over the entire world!

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Birds)

Swans: Bird Brains

I was watching a television program yesterday, and it said that in ancient Greek mythology, one of the gods (I think it was Zeus), mated with a human woman while he was in the form of a swan.  Wouldn't mating with a god be better than mating with a swan?  Considering that a swan is a bird, I found this statement unbelieveable, and I think Greek mythology is just a bunch of stories the humans came up with to entertain themselves.  However, this dog does not find anything at all entertaining about a human mating with a bird.  Aren't the humans stupid enough already without mixing their DNA with bird brains?

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Birds)

Letter to Santa Paws

Have the dogs reading this written their letters to Santa Paws yet?  If not, you had better get busy writing  because the "Big Dog" is very busy this time of year and you want to make sure he brings you want you want.  I am sharing my letter to Santa Paws in this blog so that, if he doesn't have time to read it personally, he can always read my blog to see what I want.

Dear Santa Paws,
I've been a very good dog this year, and I am sure that you will take that into consideration when you are bringing my Christmas gifts.  I want a lot of dingo bones-maybe a truck load might be enough although I don't think a dog can ever get too many of those tasty rawhide bones.  I want some new toys.  Some McDonalds gift certificates would be nice, but my humans take care of my regular food so that part is optional.  I know you have a lot of dogs for which to bring gifts, so I don't have anymore additional things to ask for.  However, it would be nice if you could do something to keep Angel Zoom Smokey from annoying me.  She is under the mistaken idea that some "dog" things in the house are hers when they are all mine.  I have a few ideas from tranquilizers and mind control to having you put her in your bag to take her back to the North Pole with you.  I do like her, but she has never learned that I'm the lead dog in this family despite me trying to teach her since she was a puppy. 

Thanks in advance for all the great stuff you will bring me!

                  Love,  Demon Flash Bandit

Demon Flash Bandit (My Letter to Santa Paws)

Searching for Big Paws

A new creature has been evading the scientific community.  This creature has been spotted occasionally, and it is described as a super big dog or, by his scientific name, Big Paws.  This is the dog version of Big Foot.  From the description given by people who have seen him, he is a very large creature who looks like a dog.  I plan to go on a scientific expedition to find Big Paws in the near future.  I have been packing all the necessary equipment for the expedition.  I have procured a recreational vehicle with all the amenities.  You don't expect dog like myself to "rough" (or "ruff) it in the wilderness, do you?  I am used to a certain standard of living.  I have also packed a week's supply of hamburgers so I will have some decent food to eat when I get hungry.  I have a flashlight and a camera in case I run into Big Paws.  I really don't care if I prove to the world he exists or not.  I mainly want to tell him to stay away from my buried bones in my yard.  I take those bones very seriously, as any dog would.

Demon Flash Bandit (Searching for Big Paws)

Dog Archaeologist

I've been working on a major archaeological dig in the back yard of my house.  I am doing this dig as a service to my colleagues in the scientific community.  This research is very important, and is not, as my humans have suggested, just fun for a dog to dig up the yard.  Why are the humans always so shortsighted when it comes to scientific discoveries?  Anyway, I am writing this today to share my latest findings with my readers. 

I have discovered that ancient dinosaur bones are not as tasty as fresh bones, but are still quite chewable.  I would recommend new bones for taste and chew quality, but the old bones can be useful when a dog needs a bone to chew on, and does not have any available.  There is another advantage to a dig, and that is that, if you throw the dirt high enough as you are digging, you can knock a bird out of a tree, and bury it for later digging and eating.  This is not something that has to be done, but it is just an added bonus. 

I also discovered that bones from many of the dinosaurs can last a long time because many of them were big--even bigger than a Great Dane, and Great Danes are big dogs!  This means they ate a lot so the humans who kept them as pets must have had to buy big bags of dinosaur food at the pet store.  This brings me to the final discovery I made....if you are a dog, start digging.  An archaeological dig is educational, interesting, and fun.  A dog can usually kill a couple of birds in the process, and killing birds is a good thing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Archaeologist)

Don't Trust Birds!

Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, there lived a family of ducks who ruled the kingdom or duckdom as it was called in their area.  There was the parents and 5 little ducklings.  As with ducks all over the world, these ducks loved to swim--all except for Donny, who was next in line for the crown.  In fact, it wasn't just that he didn't love to swim--he couldn't swim.  The adult ducks tried to teach him, but he was literally afraid of water.  The duck kingdom could not be ruled by a duck who is afraid of water so his parents were very concerned about the fate of the kingdom when they got older and could no longer rule.  Donny decided to run away because he was so humiliated by his fear of water so he took off and lived among some chickens for awhile.  The chickens worked with Donny, and helped him get over his fear of water.  It turned out that he wasn't really afraid of water, but of ruling the duckdom.  Since one of his siblings had agreed to take over in his place, he went back to his family and enjoyed the water like a duck should.  The point of this story is that birds are stupid, and you should not go to chickens for help because they didn't really help him at all since he was afraid of ruling the duckdom and he wasn't really afraid of the water.  Yet the chickens still sent him a bill for services rendered.  This is why you can't trust birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates Birds)

My Favorite Christmas Song

Yesterday I was listening to a radio station that played that lovely Christmas song, Jingle Bells, which was barked by dogs instead of humans singing.  They said it was the worst holiday song ever made, and I was insulted.  It happens to be this dog's favorite Christmas music, and my humans love it too.  I turned off the station before they could criticize Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.  What is next?  Are they going to say that "Grandma Will Get Parolled for Christmas"",  or the classic Santa, Please Bring me a New Pickup Truck or a Reasonably Good Used One" are all bad music?  There are some things that one expects in order to have a good holiday season.  Next you'll hear someone suggest that the movie, A Christmas Story, have Ralphie asking for some hankerchiefs for Christmas instead of the Red Ryder  BB Gun that has a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time.  It will sound so lame when his mother says, "no Ralphie, you'll wipe your eye out with that handkerchief.   At least he wouldn't be asking for a tutu and dancing his eyes out...or will he?  Will he ask to wear the rabbit suit to school so all his classmates can see him in it?  Perhaps he would like to have a stick for Christmas so he can poke out his eye out the old fashioned, pre-gun way.  In our politically correct.non-violent society in which children cannot ever fail at anything they do, Santa could give him one of those flowers that shoots water in the practical joke area of the store, and he will drown his eye out with it.  Thus proving that  Ralphie cannot win even in today's modern world.  Of course, that is assuming the tree does not attack him before Christmas even arrives.  Enjoy the holidays and listen to the dogs barking Jingle Bells.  In my opinion, it is the best holiday song ever recorded.

Demon Flash Bandit (Recommending Holiday Music)

Tennis: The Proper Way to Play The Game

I saw an interesting question posed on www.dogster.com today.  The question:  should you tip the groomer?  My answer to that is that you should tip the groomer, and a handy tip is; dogs have sharp teeth. Additionally, most dogs don't want to be bathed.  I think that tip could be a lot more helpful to the groomer than money--and make for less pain for the groomer.  I am only joking because I don't even have a groomer other than my humans.  I also don't tend to bite, but I might if some clown tries to get me wet and put soap on me without my permission...I"m not making any promises.  Sometimes a dog does what he has to do in order to survive and not get bathed.

I was watching a game of tennis on television, and it is a shame that the humans don't know how to play the game properly.  Any dog knows that tennis is a game that requires 2 players.  One throws the ball, and one catches it and  brings the ball back to the original person who threw it.  It is also acceptable not to bring the ball back because a player is also allowed to lay down and chew the ball which is a very popular idea among us dogs.  Wouldn't you know that the stupid humans would take a simple game and do it wrong.  They don't have any sense whatsover!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Tennis Balls)

Treasure in the Yard?

The humans seem to have a tough time understanding why a dog likes to dig in the yard.  Of course, there is the obvious reason that we are trying to make the landscaping look better.  Flat, grass filled yards are boring, and a few holes add that air of distinction to a yard that only a dog can provide.  However, there are more practical reasons for a dog to dig, and that is because from the time we are puppies, all dogs have heard the "tails" of BlackWhiskers, the pirate dog who sailed the seven seas and has buried caches of treasure all over the world.  Yes, treasure chests full of exotic bones from all over the world.  There isn't a dog around who has not dreamed of finding this treasure trove for himself (or herself).  The stories of milkbones, dingo bones, and plush dog toys are hard to resist so we dogs go outside and start digging just in case that treasure is hidden in our own yard.  For humans reading this, the next time your dog digs a hole in the yard, remember, he or she is only looking for buried treasure left by a dog pirate!

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking For Treasure)

Tasteful Holiday Tree Trimming Tips

With Christmas time approaching soon, many humans are decorating their homes for the holiday.  As a public service to my readers, I have searched the Internet for something cool to decorate the tree-something that a dog would appreciate.  I found two lovely ornaments that, if hung from the tree, will show everyone your good taste.  Those items are either Santa Classy Claus or Rude Reindeer.  Both of these feature the butts of those characters, and the butts fart Christmas music.  I bet a dog thought of these two ultra cool ornaments.  Of course, if a dog thought of them, they would want them to smell too because we dogs love interesting and unusual smells.  If the smell makes the humans gag, then that odor will make most dogs happy.  Here is the link so that you can order one or both of these tasteful ornaments for your own tree:
http://www.stupid.com/farting-butt-ornaments.html

Be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit told you about them.  They won't have any idea who I am which makes it funny for me.  I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas, has a lovely tree trimmed with tasteful ornaments like the ones I am writing about today!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tree Decorating Advice)

Puppy Neglect

A young mom of 4 puppies, Penelope Poodle, of Chicago, Illinois has been arrested and charged with puppy neglect after leaving her puppies with some humans who volunteered to puppysit.  When asked for comment, Penelope said that she had no idea that it was against the law to leave your puppies with a human.  Gary German Shepherd said this happens many times.  The humans appear to be responsible, but most humans are not capable of watching over helpless puppies.  In fact, I've talked to many family dogs who say that the human puppies in the family would have been out of luck had there not been a dog in the family to watch out for them.  All us dogs love our humans, but let's face it, humans aren't even as smart as a cat, yes, you heard me--a CAT.  I am assured that Penelope, who happens to be a good Mommy dog, will soon be reunited with her puppies, but she has to attend puppy parenting classes first.  I hope that, in the future, more dogs will be careful not to leave their puppies with the humans.  Some puppies have even been sold when the Mommy dog isn't there to stop the sale!  REmember, if you have puppies leave them in the capable paws of a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Puppy Neglect Case)

Dogburgers

Once upon a time, there were 3 bears who lived in a little cottage in the forest.  There was the Papa Bear who ate the big A&W hamburger called Papaburger.  Mama Bear enjoyed the Mamaburger. and there was the little burger for the Baby Bear.  One day while they were eating at the restaurant, a very handsome Siberian Husky came into the establishment, and, while they were occupied getting drinks, he ate the papaburger, the mamaburger, and the babyburger.  He decided that all the burgers were delicious so he approached the management about making a dogburger which is even bigger than the papaburger.  A&W did so, and now they are the best selling hamburger chain in the United States because all the dogs eat there.  In case you are wondering what happened to the bears, they got replacement burgers from the management since Demon Flash Bandit gave them such a good money making idea.  I think Demon should get to eat there free forever.

Demon Flash Bandit (Burger Expert)

Royal Baby

It was pleasant to see in the news that my pal, The Queen Lady, is going to have a new great-grandchild who will be third in line to the throne.  I am very excited for my friend, and I want to share the letter from me that I am sending to congratulate her on the new addition to the family.  Personally, I think the country would be better off if a dog were in line to the throne, but we dogs know that the humans are trying, and they just don't have the natural intelligence and leadership qualities possessed by the average dog!

Dear Queen Lady,

I would like to congratulate you on the new addition to your family that will be arriving during the next year.  Since you have dogs, I'm sure the baby will be in capable paws because you can always consult with the dogs on how to properly take care of the baby.  If you need my advice or help, you know where you can reach me.  I, as always, await  hearing from you, and hope that everyone in your family is healthy.  I'm sure the dogs are very excited because, from what I have been told by dogs who have small children in their families, babies are very messy eaters which gives a dog the chance to score a lot of tasty human food.  I look forward to visiting you and the baby so I can enjoy some snacks too-and get the chance to visit with you, my friend.
                Love,  Demon Flash Bandit

I hope my readers enjoy reading my letter to the Queen Lady.

Demon Flash Bandit (Letter to Queen Lady)

Meet a Vampire

With the Twilight movie saga coming to an end, it is quite a lucky coicidence that, according to some news sources, Serbia has a vampire running loose in a village there.  This gives so many young girls who have been dreaming of finding the "vampire" of their dreams, the chance to go there and meet one in person.  Personally, I will be staying home because I have no desire to meet a vampire.  I don't quite see the allure of the vampire, but for those who do, this is a good chance to meet one.  For more information, here is the site:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/29/sava-savanovic-vampire-on-the-loose-serbia_n_2211364.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Like Vampires)

Twinkie the Kid or Twinkie the Dog?

Now that Hostess Bakery is officially out of business and selling their assets, what is going to happen to Twinkie the Kid?  I'm sure I'm not the only dog who is worried about him. Will the people that buy the "names" get Twinkie the Kid with the deal?  If so, will they be wise enough to continue letting him advertise the product or will they get stupid and go with no image or a new image.  I remember when McDonalds switched to their Arch menu years ago, they had Ronald McDonald playing pool and going with a more grown up image.  I guess it didn't work well for them because the Arch menu is long gone.  I hope the new humans have the good sense to keep Twinkie the Kid as he is--unless they go with Twinkie the Dog.  I do think that Twinkie the Dog would be a very popular mascot for the company, and the only one who would be better than Twinkie the Kid.

Demon Flash Bandit (Twinkie the Kid or Twinkie the Dog?)

Batmobile: The New Demonmobile

I am so excited that I can barely sit here and write this blog.  The Batmobile from the original Batman television series will be auctioned soon, and this dog would look great driving the Batmobile.  Of course, I would change the name to the Demonmobile.  I think that is a catchier name anyway.  I've needed a cool car to drive around in because I happen to be one super cool dog!  I'm sure my humans will be happy to buy it for me because they must realize how much a dog of my standing in the blog community needs a famous car.  I am only concerned that I might hear my humans start with their usual excuse about not having enough money to buy me a car.  It really is not a valid excuse because I have asked the Big Dog, SantaPaws to bring me enough money to pay for the car.  I've heard those stupid lack of money excuses in the past, and the Batmobile is far too important for a dog to pass up due to lack of funds.  If you see a dog driving a Batmobile in the spring, you'll know it is me cruising around in my new ride.  For those who want to read more about the auction, and see the car that this dog is planning to buy, here is the link:
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2012/11/29/original-batmobile-auction-sale-january/

I hope all my readers have a wonderful weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs Batmobile)

Bonuses: A Reward for a Good Job

Today I have decided to write about the insanity of many of the humans who run large businesses.  Case in point:  Hostess.  The executives at Hostess have taken an iconic American company and ruined it.  I know it is popular for management to blame the workers, but considering that the human who was called in to help restructure the company, Gregory Rayburn, is being paid $150,000. a month; I don't think it is hard to see where the company's money is going.  The executives also want a bonus in addition to the money they make.  This dog thinks it is stupid to give executives who are in charge when a company goes into bankruptcy bonuses.   I'm a dog, and I know you can buy a lot of dingo bones with $150,000.  I'm not even sure I would have time to eat that many bones in a month. I bet they have other perks too--like unlimted free dingo bones, and tennis balls.  Don't get me wrong--I don't really care how much the executives make if the company is doing well, and the workers are paid a living wage, but I am very tired of reading about all these people at the top who care so little about their employees, and who expect to be rewarded for doing a bad job.  I'm not saying that sometimes a company does not fail due to bad luck or bad timing, but even if it isn't an executive's fault, he should not get a bonus.  I've discussed this with other dogs, and all of us think the humans who allow that are stupid and possibly insane.

When my humans can't get the snacks they enjoy, they will become grouchy, and that will not be pleasant for the family dog (or dogs).  Therefore, I think that, in addition to not getting bonuses, all perks should be cut off.  Let those executives buy their own dingo bones and tennis balls!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bonuses Should be "Earned")

Movie Review: Life of Pi

The movie, Life of Pi, is an excellent movie about  the adventures of a young man, Pi Patel, whose family owned a zoo.  When the zoo needed to be shut down, his family sold the animals and left India to move to Canada to start a new life.  The ship that he and the animals were sailing in went down, and it is the story of his survival on the ocean along with a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker.  I thought the animals in this movie were delightful.  That is the story Pi tells, but the real story is a bit more complicated.  Pi was really a chocolate cream pie who was trying to avoid being eaten.  He hooked up with the gingerbread man, and they sailed on a ship to avoid the humans who thought they looked "delicious".  There was a shipwreck and the pie and the gingerbread man had quite an adventure trying to keep from being eaten by sharks and, of course, the possibility of spoiling in the hot sun.  I can't tell you if they made it or not, but you can watch the movie and see for yourself.  I give this movie 4 paws up, a tail wag, some kisses, and some doggy slobber--those desserts did look good!  It is a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  Be sure and have some snacks available when you watch this movie if watching food makes you hungry!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Pre-Dinner Syndrome

Today I saw an item in the news about military dogs who are suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome).  I'm glad that some veterinarians are taking this problem seriously.  Some of the military dogs are very heroic and deserve our admiration and help.  I know how hard it is to suffer from problems like that.  I personally suffer from PDS (Pre-Dinner Syndrome).  That is when a dog gets hungry and it is not offically dinnertime.  The only cure for that is food, and I've found the best method of getting said food is counter surfing.  It is not only a sport, but also a medical treatment.  A dog can do it himself and does not have to bother the humans--in fact, letting the humans know you are counter surfing is not recommended.

Demon Flash Bandit (Hungry Dog)

Christmas With the Howling Huskies!

I'm looking around the house, and the Christmas tree is not up yet so, of course, there are no presents under it with a name tag declaring they belong to Demon Flash Bandit.  I know there is still time, but I've known my humans since I was a puppy, and I find it best not to assume that they will get things done on time.  Therefore, I plan to bring in a tree the next time I go outside, and I'll get some birds, kill them, and use them as decorations on the tree.  Just thinking about it makes me fell all emotional--a tree with a bunch of dead birds--I can't think of anything prettier.  Just to make sure the humans do their part and put my presents under the tree, I have called an emergency concert of the Howling Huskies, and we will be singing Christmas music.  I know everyone  will enjoy the old favorites:
Humans roasting on an open fire cause they didn't get the dog a bone.
Grandma got eaten by the dog because she didn't get him a gift.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer--He is drunk again this year.
Frosty the Snowman is yellow because the dog peed on him.
Walking in a Winter Wonderland to get the dog a bone.

I'm sure that even the humans won't be able to resist getting into the Christmas spirit when they hear these songs.  I bet there will be lots and lots of presents for me under the tree after the concert--if the humans know what is good for them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Preparing for Christmas)

Make a Christmas Wreath

Today my blog is an informative one telling you how to make a lovely wreath for the holiday season.  For this project, you will need a bunch of regular rawhide bones, some milkbones, a dingo bone, and peanutbutter.  Be sure and have your humans get you all the supplies before you start.  With these supplies and a bit of time, you can have a wreath hanging on your door that will make Martha Stewart envious.  Here are the directions.

Putting the wreath together is very simple.  You want to make it round like a circle so you take the regular rawhide bones, and use peanutbutter to hold them together in a circle.  Then you, again using peanutbutter, "glue" the milkbones to the rawhide bones.  You provide the finishing touches by putting the dingo bone "bow" on the wreath.  When you are done, you will have a beautiful wreath.  I'm sure you want to know how many people have admired the one I made.  I would have to say, zero.  Everytime I make one of these wreaths, I end up eating it before I can hang it on the door.  However, it is nice when a craft item ends up being so delicious.  Many projects do not taste as good as they look.

Demon Flash Bandit (Making Christmas Decorations)

George Washingdog

My humans did not take part in  "Black Friday" shopping.  Mommy said that there is enough insanity out there on normal shopping days so she stayed home which was great with Angel Zoom Smokey and myself.  After reading the news, I can see why she has that attitude, and it is wise--some of my intelligence must have rubbed off on her.  According to news reports, a man went shopping with his girlfriend's baby, left the baby in the car, and then called a friend to pick him up forgetting the baby in the process.  Of course, he remembered the big screen television.  I guess we know where his priorities are.  From what I understand, the baby is okay which is good.  I can see why Mommy does not want to deal with those kinds of humans, and why she chose to stay home with us dogs.

I have decided to write about some famous Americans in today's blog.  I am going to start with the father of our country, George Washingdog.  I bet you didn't know he was a dog, did you?  Let's face it, a human could not have accomplished so much in his lifetime.  He was a surveyor who measured land--can you think of a more perfect job for a dog?  It is a job where you are out in nature, and you get to enjoy marking territory.  That job has "dog" written all over the job description.  He also led the continental army against Britain, and was smart enough to use new battle tactics like surprising the enemy instead of marching up in a line.  You know a dog had to think of that too.  If you tried to chase a rabbit in a straight line, you would fail because rabbits do all kinds of crazy zigzags.  You'd think they don't want to be dinner.  He became the first President of the United States which is an honor that is alluding modern dogs thanks to the humans' jealousy.  They know we do a much better job running things than they do.  When you see George on the one dollar bill, he may look human, but that is because the humans have altered his appearance over the years so that he looks human.  It is yet another government conspiracy to keep dogs from being in power.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing George Washingdog)

Pharaoh Builds Pyramids

I had a great Thanksgiving.  I hope my readers did also!  I'm sure that many of my readers are planning their shopping trips today.  I can only remind you that, when you go shopping, be sure and get lots and lots of stuff for the family dog.  I don't care if my humans get me dingo bones on sale today (if they are on sale), or if they pay full price (because it is worth any amount of money to make me happy).  As long as the dingo bones are here for me, I'm happy!

Today there is a headline in the news which asks, "is Egypt ruled by a Pharaoh again?"  Since I sometimes share the entries of my ancient Egyptian pal, Gahiji, in my blog, I will answer that question for the humans.    Gahiji is not only an ancient Egyptian dog, but his human, Habibah, had a job helping to build the pyramids.   The answer is, if you see pyramids rising from the desert sand, then the Pharaoh is back.  If not, he is just a modern Egyptian ruler.  The building of the pyramids is what separates a Pharaoh from a normal ruler.  It is a shame that the humans can't find the answer to this one on their own, but they usually always have to get their answers from dogs.  They just don't like to admit it.  It is a shame that the humans have to have their dogs do all their thinking for them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Answer Dog)

Thankful for Dead Birds

I had a good Thanksgiving today.  My humans had the good sense to get my hamburgers yesterday because the restaurant was closed for Thanksgiving.  How do they expect a dog to eat if they close the restaurant?  I'm so glad that my humans are smart enough to think of things like this ahead of time so they can prepare in advance so a dog has dinner.  They had the traditional Thanksgiving pizza that most humans in the United States eat on Thanksgiving.  This is a tradition passed down from the first Thanksgiving when the Native Americans ordered pizza  for the Pilgrims who did not have telephones, and they didn't know the phone number of the local deli.  If not for the Native Americans, those European Pilgrims would have starved which is something they probably regretted a century or so later.

My humans got our pizza at the local store that stays open on Thanskgiving, Jonna's in Howell, MI.  I am mentioning their deli because they have the only pizza my human orders that Angel and I will share with them.  I am not fond of pizza, but I like the ham and bacon toppings on Jonna's pizzas.  If you live in this area, I would suggest you give them a try because they make a good pizza.  By the way, I am not being paid to suggest their store, but I'm doing so only because this dog will actually eat their pizza, and I am one picky dog.  Therefore, I like to share information like this with my readers.

I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving and thanks to all the humans who ate turkey.  I am always pleased to see a holiday dedicated to killing birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Thanksgiving)

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Today I am going to discuss a television mini series that my human was watching on television yesterday.  That mini series is called The Triangle.  I realize that, to do a fair review, I should watch the item that I am writing about, but just the name was enough to make it impossible for me to watch.  The Triangle has to be a show about geometry, and this dog is not about to waste my time watching a program about math.  I was a bit disappointed that my human was watching it since, to be honest, I know that she is not the kind of human who enjoys geometry.  She said it is about the "Bermuda" triangle, which is supposed to make it less boring.  Who is she kidding, if she wanted to win me over, it should have at least been an "acute" triangle because at least those triangles are cute.  I suppose that they will be making sequels that this dog is not going to watch either:  The Square, The Pentagon, the Rectangle, etc.  There is even a prequel in the works called Two Parallel Lines.  Mommy said it was a good program, but I don't believe her.  I bet she slept through it and just thought it was okay because she did not actually watch it.  I think all geometry related television shows and movies should be cancelled before they are started.  In fact, my brother is watching television as I write this, and I'm doing my best to keep from listening.  He was watching a program that talked about the speed of light, Einstein, and physics which this dog wondered why anyone would watch.  Now he is watching a different program, and I've heard several different things mentioned---ancient China, some ancient game, chess, strategy, and VietNam.  I think it is time for this dog to stop writing and go into the other room where I won't be able to hear what my brother is watching.  A dog could be scarred for life by such programming. 

By the way, it is my birthday so I am wishing myself a happy birthday.  Since I got ham for dinner, and some new toys, my wishes have come true...now to get off the computer so I won't hear the horrible programming coming from the living room.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birthday Dog)

Movie Review: Lincoln

Lincoln is a movie starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln, and Sally Field as his wife.  The story revolved around the struggle to get a constitutional amendment passed to banish slavery in the United States before the Civil War ended and the southern states returned to the union.  This was a problem for Lincoln because, every day that the war continued cost more lives, but if the amendment was not passed before the war ended, the war would have essentially been fought in vain.  Therefore, I'm sure he was emotionally torn because of that.

I have to admit that I was expecting a movie about a talking car like the movie Cars.  My humans have owned a Lincoln Continental so I just assumed that it was about a talking car.  I also assumed that since Mater does the voice of Larry the Cable Guy  in Cars that the south would be represented by a couple of pick-up trucks with southern accents.  When I heard it involved a war, I assumed that it would be a war between luxury vehicles and working vehicles.  However, I was wrong, and the movie was about an actual historic event.  I bet it would have made more money if it had been about vehicles.  Hasn't Hollywood yet realized that the humans don't want anything that might accidentally teach them something?  How else do you explain Carrot Top?

Despite its educational value, it was a good movie and this dog felt sorry for Lincoln because it must have been a difficult time to live through.  I give the movie 4 paws up, a couple of tail wags, and some kisses.  The acting was very good, and I would not be surprised if Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't get an Oscar.  Also, Spader did a very good job as a supporting character.  This movie gets a 9 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  The best thing about historical movies is that you can brag about how much smarter you are after you leave the theatre.  Of course, if you are a human, no dog is going to believe you, but you can try saying it anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Life in the Stone Age

I'm sure I'm not the only dog who wonders what life was like in ancient times.  I'm so glad that there are documentaries on television that a dog can watch to see what it was like in the old days.  My personal favorite and probably the most accurate is The Flintstones.  This is the true story of a family who lived during the cavemen days.  They were named Fred and Wilma Flintstone, and they lived in a cave style house in what was a nice neighborhood of other cave style houses.  I guess those cave stone house plans must have been very popular back then.  The documentary also includes their neighbors, Barney and Betty Rubble.  Fred is employed as a bronco-crane operator at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company which, at that time, was probably a job that one could get without a degree, and, judging from their lifestyle, it paid a decent wage.  Fred enjoyed bowling and he belonged to a men's club, the Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes.  Wilma was a homemaker who enjoyed shopping with her best friend and neighbor, Betty Rubble.  If you listen to some of the less accurage historians, you would think that life was hard back then.  However, the Flintstones had all of the modern conveniences that most humans enjoy today.  They had dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, and even cameras.  The women even shopped using charge cards like today-and I bet some of my readers thought they were a more recent innovation.  The only hard part of life back then was that they didn't actually have dogs.  The humans back then had to rely on dinosaurs that acted like dogs.  I'm sure that, if dogs had been sharing their homes with them, they would have been a lot happier.  Dino, their pet dinosaur, was nice, but petting a dinosaur is not like petting a modern dog.  We have soft fur, which makes the humans feel good.  For those of you who want to know more about ancient history, I suggest you watch this television documentary series.  It is informative and entertaining.

Demon Flash Bandit (Meet the Flintstones)

Movie Review: Skyfall

I have been asked by my many readers to review the new James Bond 007 movie, Skyfall so, in this blog, I will do so.  The reason so many of my fans  want to know my opinion of the movie is that I was a spy myself for so many years.  I can talk about it now because I am retired, but I used to have to keep it quiet.  I was one of the human government's best spies in the war against the evil birds.  I started my spy training as a wee puppy.  It was just a couple of months after I was born, and an agent came and got me and explained the mission.  They needed a cute, smart puppy and I fit the description.  Of course, I have to pass some tests first to make sure I had the intelligence required, but when I did better on the tests than most humans (which is not hard), they were thrilled to have me on board.  However, I am writing a movie review of Skyfall, not an autobiography although I'm sure my readers would find my life story particularly interesting to read so I will get back to the movie review.

Skyfall stars Daniel Craig as James Bond (wouldn't his name be cooler if it were James Bone--all the dogs I've asked agree), and Judi Dench as M.   The "villian" in this movie is someone from M's past-someone who has a major grudge against her.  He uses his advanced computer system to cause problems and to release information that is damaging to the secret service.  That is when James Bond goes after the villian to stop him from releasing more damaging information.  As usual, there are a lot of action scenes, but they are a bit more believeable in this movie.  Some of the Bond movies in the past have had action scenes that would have been difficult to pull off, and probably quite painful yet Bond never seems to have any ill effects from those stunts.  NOTE:  I bet he has a stunt dog like my Phantom Fast Snowman who does the actual stunts).  As a spy for a few years, I can tell you that it is dangerous work, but it is rewarding.  Everytime a bird was captured or executed, I felt that I had done my duty as a dog.  Those birds would have already taken over the planet if it had not been for brave dogs like myself who kept an eye on them.  In fact, I was so good at the job that I was given the coveted Husky Bird Hater Award.  Even looking at that medal still brings a touch of pride to my heart--knowing that I was an important part of keeping birds from taking over.    Anyway, the movie was a more realistic spy movie than the past Bond movies, and I give it 4 paws up, several tail wags, and a kiss.  I also give it the Husky  Realistic Spy Movie Award.  I always enjoy hearing him say, "The name's Bone, Ham Bone...okay, he said Bond, James Bond, but Ham Bone would be a much cooler name!  The movie gets a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale. 

The next time you see a dog who has been a bird spy, thank him for his service.  Thanks to him, you aren't walking around with bird poop on your head!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Saving an American Institution!!!

Dogs, I have a mission for you.  Hostess Bakery, the company that makes Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs, among other items is having serious financial problems and might not continue operating.  This would have tragic consequences because this company provides much of the necessary junk food that keeps the humans happy and enjoyable to spend time with.  If you have ever been with a human who is on a diet and eating "healthy", you will know what I mean about this having tragic consequences.  It makes them incredibly grouchy.I personally do not want to live with grouchy humans.  I don't think any dog does.  Even cats find them annoying, and cats don't usually care about their humans' moods.

Your mission is to go to the telephone and order at least one truck load of goodies delivered directly to your house.  I think that, with all the extra truck loads purchased, the company should start making enough money to continue operating.  Even if the mission is not a success, a dog can enjoy the products.  Yes, I have sneaked a few of these items myself, and I can tell you that they are better than dog food.  Your humans will thank you for providing them with so many delicious treats, and until they see the bill, they will be very, very happy!  That is the advantage of being a dog....just be extra cute when they get the bill, and make sure they have had plenty of Hostess cakes to eat to insure they are in a good mood.

Demon Flash Bandit (Saving Hostess)

My Search for Big Foot

In the past week, I wrote about a television network giving away a lot of money for the person (or dog) who finds Big Foot.  I think I will be claiming that prize very soon.  I started my hunt for Big Foot in a very scientific and logical way.  Sure, I could check the telephone book to see which shoe stores in my area cater to those with large feet.  However, there are a lot of those stores throughout the United States, and you know that some shoe salesman is going to try to claim the prize.  How do I find Big Foot without going to the shoe stores, and beat the salesman to the money?  The answer is quite simple for a genius brain like that of most dogs.  I signed  up for a website that gives away shoes to people with big feet.  Now all I just have to wait for Big Foot to get on his computer, sign onto the Internet, and claim  his free shoes.  Once he does, I will have enough money to keep me in bones for the rest of my life.  You would think the television network would have thought of doing it, but I do think they are run by humans, and humans just don't have the genius brain of a dog!  Yes, it is sad for the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius)

Romantic Getaway for Dogs

I have good news for dogs who are in the mood for romance.  An 8 story hotel for dogs is located in Brazil.  For dogs who like to travel, it sounds like a perfect place to take your sweetheart.  It is called Animalle Mundo Pet.  Although the spa with the Japanese soaking tub is something I would probably skip as being a bit too much like a bath, some of the other features sound wonderful!  There is beef flavored beer, meat flavored muffins, grooming, doggy perfume ($40.00 a bottle), and canine apparel that a dog can purchase if the dogs likes to dress.  They even offer artificial insemination for the dogs who want to have puppies but don't want to get them the old fashioned way.  It is about time the humans opened a romatic getaway for their dogs.  I might add that I'm sure it is worth every penny it costs.  After all, when you are spending money on the family dog, there should be no limit.  We are worth every penny that is spent!  Here is the link for the dogs out there who want to reserve a room:
http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/lifestyle/2012/11/12/brazils-belo-horizonte-opens-love-motel-for-dogs/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Travel)

Angel and Demon's Candy House

One day Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey were enjoying a walk through the woods.  They made sure they could find their way back home by dropping a trail of bread crumbs left over from Demon Flash Bandit's hamburgers (he usually does not eat the bread).  They did not realize that their arch enemies, the birds, were eating the bread crumbs as they walked so that they ended up lost in the forest.  Since they were brave Siberian huskies, they continued walking knowing that eventually, they would probably find their way home.  As darkness came upon the forest, the cold did not bother them...they like cold weather.  However,  their tummys were beginning to rumble so they could not believe their luck when they reached a house made of gingerbread and candy.  Demon Flash Bandit was particularly happy because he really loved candy.  They started eating the house, but they had no way of knowing that the house belonged to a bird witch who liked to lure dogs to the candy house and then eat them.  Of course, being dogs, they were hard to fool so both dogs knew that she was evil and that she was up to no good too.   They continued eating the house because they were hungry, and a house made out of gingerbread and candy does not come along everyday--usually you just find miniature ones during the Christmas holidays.  Of course, the bird witch, being a bird, was stupid and had no idea that the dogs knew what she was up to.  The dogs waited until she was not expecting it, and they threw her on the barbeque grill and enjoyed grilled bird witch.  Now the house is all theirs and they frequently go into the forest to munch on their candy house.  They found their way back home after they finished eating the bird witch, and their humans were so glad to see them.  Now when they visit the candy house, they leave rocks to mark the path.  Birds do not like to eat rocks!  The two dogs lived happily ever after!

Demon Flash Bandit (Owner of Candy House)

Good Vegetables: Candy Corn!

Vegetables:  how many times have the humans tried to force a dog to eat them?  We dogs want meat, not vegetables.  The same is true for children.  I don't think they prefer meat like dogs, but most of them definitely do not want vegetables.  This is why today's blog is a public service to get dogs and children to eat their vegetables.  I got some vegetables yesterday that were delicious, and I'm sure other dogs and children will agree.  They are called candy corn, and the candy corn does not have that annoying vegetable taste.  In fact, they taste like candy which is probably why they are affectionately called "candy corn".  The next time you need to get a dog or a human child to eat their vegetables, make sure the vegetable is candy corn, and you'll be amazed at the cooperation.  You'll wish you had fed them candy corn sooner!

Demon Flash Bandit (A Good Vegetable)

No More Papa Johns Pizza for Me

I read in the news today that the CEO of Papa John's Pizza--John Schnatter plans to cut employee hours because of Obamacare.  He wants to make sure everyone knows why their hours are being cut--so he won't be required to pay for employee health insurance.  As a customer, am I supposed to be upset because he has to pay for something for his employees that many employers already cover without the government making them do so?  In the long run, those customers end up paying for the health care anyway because when low income workers without insurance get sick, the taxpayers end up picking up the bill.  I guess  Schnatter thinks that everyone has to buy his pizza.  Considering that most restaurants and retail stores have trouble hiring enough workers, it sounds like the customer will be getting lousy service, and I'm guessing he will be forced to go up  on the price of his pizza too.  It sounds very convenient to me--cut labor costs and go up on prices and blame the government instead of the company's individual greed.  I plan to help this guy out by not buying pizza at his establishment in the future.  It isn't like I will be doing without pizza...he has lots and lots of competition in my small town alone.  Perhaps if enough humans think like this dog, we can do him a big favor and put him out of business.  I don't know about everyone else, and I'm not saying Obamacare is wonderful, but this dog is tired of the humans running businesses constantly complaining about their income.  Perhaps if they worked for minimum wage for awhile, they might actually learn to be grateful, and this dog would not have to read their whining on the Internet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Future Customer of Papa Johns Pizza)

Royal Shopping Trip With Dog

Today I have to commend Kate Middleton for having the good sense to take her dog, Lupo shopping with her.  This is something that the humans should do more often.  Considering how stupid the humans are, they need their dogs with them to keep them from buying stupid stuff.  I can't tell you how many times I have looked at what a human has bought at the store, and said to myself, "myself, this human just threw away money on a totally useless item".   Kate and Lupo were spotted shopping at the London Burlington Arcade which sounds like a fun place to shop--maybe they are able to play video games while they shop.  I know that would be a definite improvement on the shopping experience.  I bet Lupo made sure that Kate bought a bunch of dingo bones, and treats.  That is one of the smartest investments a human can make at a store.  Ask any dog, and you will get the same opinion.  Regular rawhide bones are okay, but dingo bones are the best!!!  As a dog who does not like to wear clothes, I do approve of the fact that Lupo was not dressed, but I hope that it wasn't because Kate is being cheap with the dog.  As long as Lupo has outfits at home which Lupo does not choose to wear (like myself), it is okay.  However, it is wrong for the humans to ever be cheap with their dogs.   I am going to share the link so you can see how cute Lupo looked at the arcade.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/08/kate-middleton-lupo-charity-shopping-event_n_2092342.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl30%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D232022

I only hope that the royal family listens to Lupos' wisdom in running the country.  A dog should always be a government's top advisor!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Like to Shop)

Movie Review: Wreck-It Ralph

I went to see Wreck-It Ralph, and I was very pleased with the movie.  Ralph lives in a video arcade game, and he is supposed to wreck everything in the game.  Felix then fixes the things Ralph wrecks with his magic hammer.  Of course, this makes Ralph feel bad because he is always the bad guy, and the characters in the video game don't like to have him around so he sleeps in the dump by himself.  Naturally, he gets tired of being the bad guy so he decides to sneak into another video game so that he can get a medal showing he is a hero and then return to his game and receive the respect he deserves.  However, his main talent in life is to wreck things, and when he goes to another video game, he causes problems for all the other games in the arcade--and threatens to have them all shut down.  He ends up in a candy game and meets a new friend, Vanellope.  Vanellope's dream is to race her own car and maybe in helping her, he will learn what a true hero really is.  I give this movie 4 paws up, a tail wag, and a kiss which is an 8 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  You don't have to play video games to enjoy this movie because I'm not a video game player myself.  They do not make the controls of video games dog paw friendly.  This is a good movie for all ages.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

My Concession Speech

For those of you who have read the news, I was not elected President.  It is a sad day for dogs everywhere.  I know all my supporters are upset that I did not get elected.  However, I think Obama will do a good job, and being President would cut into my naptime so I wish him well.  I also know that he has a dog so I'm sure that Bo Obama, first dog,  will make sure that he knows the dog point of view on all matters.

I did celebrate election day by having some treats.  I had some of those delicious "dots" candies that I enjoy so much.  Sure, they aren't Mike and Ikes or Swedish Fish, but they are candy, and I always feel the need to celebrate occasions like election day with candy.  I don't just have a sweet tooth--I have a whole mouth full of sweet teeth.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a pleasant day, and don't worry, I'll probably run for President again in 4 years.  This dog does not give up easily.

Demon Flash Bandit (Concession Speech)

Vote Demon Flash Bandit!!!

This will be a short blog entry because I have to get ready and go to the polls to vote for myself.  Yes, this could be one truly historic election--one in which a dog takes charge of the United States, and finally does things the way they should be done.  The humans always make such a mess of things, and it is always up to their dogs to fix their blunders.   I have really had the human candidates worrying about their status.  This is why both parties are doing so much last minute campaigning.  They have been running scared ever since I tossed my tail into the ring.  It is going to be a lot of work to fix all their mistakes, but this dog will do so, and still have time for naps.  That is because we dogs are so much better at everything than the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Grizzly Bear Attack

Tragedy has struck at the Animals of Montana facility, a place that trains animals for photographers and filmmakers which is located near Bozeman, Montana.  A young man who was cleaning the cage of the grizzly bears was killed by the bear (or bears).  These are very photogenic, normally well behaved bears who killed the human.  I think I can explain why this happened.  First of all, you are dealing with bears who are "stars".  They are in films, and are admired by audiences.  What happens when the film is over?  The humans cage them up like they are animals.  I'm surprised Yogi Bear has not spoken out on this except he is probably too busy stealing pic-a-nic baskets so he does not have time.  To add insult to the bears, they send a human in to "clean" their cage.  I'm sure the bears don't mind maid service and don't want to clean the cage themselves, but you know how it is when you have a place decorated the way you like it, and some stupid human comes and ruins your hard work.  I know how this feels since I have been a victim of it myself.  I had a spot where I had 40 little ice cream "cups" hoarded in case the ice cream magically filled up in the cup again.  Just last week, one of the humans found my stash and threw all of them away without my permission.  They were my treasures, and as usual, the humans think they know best.  I think the humans should respect our homes and our treasures.  I bet those bears had some honey stashed away, and the humans thought it was garbage.  If only the humans would realize that grizzly bears do not like to be bothered, maybe the tragedy would never have happened.  The bears did not ask to be stars.  I bet they were perfectly happy hanging out in the forest and not being caged.  No one comes in to clean out the forest and bother their stuff. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Grizzly Bear Attack)

10 Million Dollars for Finding Bigfoot

Who couldn't use some extra cash particularly during the holiday season?  Spike TV is offering a great way to get that money.  If you find the legendary creature, Big Foot, you get 10 million dollars.  I don't think I have to tell you that I could buy a lot of treats with 10 million dollars.  I would even share it with my humans because I love them.  I am really excited about this because who better to sniff out Bigfoot than a dog?  The humans can't smell their way out of a paper bag, but we dogs have an amazing gift with our noses.  I just hope that, if a dog does find Bigfoot, that his human doesn't try to cheat him out of it and claim the prize for himself.  That happens all the time with us dogs and it isn't right!  For those dogs reading this who want to know more about this endeavor, here is the site:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/02/10-million-dollar-bigfoot-bounty-spike_n_2067269.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

Another interesting offer comes from South Africa.  One town is offering a free cell phone for every person who brings in 30 rats.  This seems like an offer that would be perfect for a cat so I think a lot of South African cats will be owning their own cell phones in the future.  I wonder if the cell phone companies will be nicer to a lion or tiger with a customer complaint.  Those customers might not be as polite as the humans.  For the cats reading this who want to try their luck at earning a new cell phone, here is the site:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/02/kill-60-rats-get-a-cellphone_n_2065999.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

I want all my readers to know that, when I see things in the news that might benefit my readers in any way, I do share the items.  This is because I am a good dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Special Offers)

Milkbone Standard

Since the presidential election is close at paw, I decided to use this blog to talk about something that is important to most of the humans--the economy.  As a presidential candidate, I'm sure that many of my readers are wondering how I would handle the economy.  If I am elected, there will be major changes, which I think will benefit everyone--both human and canine, and yes, even felines.  The humans have the money based on a "gold standard" which is quite silly since gold, although shiny and nice in jewelry, does not have any real purpose for survival.  We dogs refer to the gold standard as the "shiny standard" since, sadly, many of the humans are mesmerized by shiny things.  We dogs have more intelligence and sense so we don't really get excited over gold and/or silver.  Therefore, I would base the economy on the "Milkbone standard".  All transactions would be gauged over their worth in milkbones, and all food would have more value than metal.  This makes more sense because, next to oxygen and water, food is the next necessary item for survival.  It is even more important than shelter.  By the way, I would give Milkbone's marrow bones a higher value than regular milkbones because I think they are super delicious, and they have a Siberian Husky on the box. 
Of course, there are other issues-the most important of which is getting along with others.  The humans tend to get into fights with each other over really stupid stuff.    I would put an end to much of that by making sure that dogs of various humans take over and start running the household for the humans.  Then most arguments would involve food, and very little else-unless a couple of male dogs are fighting over a cute female.  Those arguments are solved very quickly without involving most of the world.  In fact, often the neighbors don't even know about the argument.
Now that I have summed up my opinions of various important political matters, I am going to stop writing and take a nap.  I also have a strong opinion that a dog needs to take a lot of naps.  I would pass laws to make napping necessary.  Some of the humans can really use a nap--they are so grouchy!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Political Opinions)

Movie Review: Cloud Atlas

This movie is a very complicated movie spanning different time periods and lifetimes.  It shows the impact that one person's life can have on another across time.  This is a long movie, and as I was watching it, I realized that one major problem with this movie was the lack of dogs.  Then a dog came on, and I thought, "finally, a dog to make this movie great".  However, the dog was killed almost immediately, and I did find that very annoying.  Of course, the dog's owner did open up a can of "whup tail" on the man who killed her dog so that made the movie okay with me from the dog's viewpoint.  I might add the dog's performance was outstanding.  The film stars Tom Hanks and Halle Berry.  Many of the actors in this film played so many roles that it must have kept the costume and make up departments busy.  All the actors did a good job in their various portrayals.  I particularly liked the theme song for the movie, and I think it went along well with the whole "connections" idea.  It used the tune of that old bone connection song, and the lyrics went something like this:
The movie studio is connected to the box office.  The box office is connected to the bank.  The bank is connected to the money....so let's hope this film makes a lot. 
Of course, they could have been a bit more subtle in their approach, but since the real object of most movies is to make money, it is pleasant to see such honesty coming from a business.
To really understand this movie, I suspect it would help if the viewer watched it more than once--and it would also help the bottom line of the theme song"  to make a lot of money!
I give this movie 4 paws up which is about a 6 out of 10 on the humans movie scale.  For those who like to think (which would rule out most humans), this movie could become highly annoying because it does get a bit complicated and might make their brains hurt.  I do recommend that you view this movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

MY Candy!!!!!!!

Today I have good news.  Since we only had 8 trick or treaters come to the house last night, MY candy supply is still intact.  Of course, my humans don't refer to it as my candy, but I do because, in my opinion, it is MY candy.  In fact, I had a new strategy last night in my continuing effort to keep the little human moochers from getting my candy:  I blocked the door.  Yes, when my human brother tried to go outside with the caldron of candy, I was at the door before he was.  This is a definite advantage for a husky because I can run a lot faster than the humans so all I had to do was to anticipate which door he was going to try to use to escape with the candy.  Finally, he did not give up as I thought he would, and he made it outside which I found very annoying.  When I put my paw down and bark that it is MY candy, the humans should respect my wishes!  Now my mission is to try to get my paws on the remaining candy.  Fortunately, I am a very clever dog, and I am always devising new ways to get what I want.  Most dogs would give up, but not us Siberian Huskies.  I take the mission of getting candy just as seriously as those dogs who got the serum to the kids in Nome, Alaska, years ago and became heroes.  If they were anything like me, if they had been promised candy, they would have gotten there even sooner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Candy)

Happy Halloween!!!

Today is Halloween so I woke up howling one of my favorite songs, I Like Candy.  The song is one of my favorites because I do love candy so much.  I will be howling this song a lot today so that my humans will hear it, and eventually, will give me candy.  I am such a clever dog!!!!  Yeah, I know what the dogs reading this are thinking....it does not take much to be smarter than the humans!   I know the humans are easy to manipulate, but a when it comes to candy, it is best not to take chances!  This year I think my humans bought a dog "submarine outfit", but I don't mind.  Since Angel Zoom Smokey and myself think that a dog dressed up in costume looks silly, our stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman wears all costumes.  Since Phantom is a full sized stuffed husky, he never complains so it works out for Angel and myself.  When I was a puppy, my human Mommy got the stupid idea of buying me booties.  I didn't care for the booties, and she gave up having me wear them.  While she was putting one on one paw, I'd be taking the other one off the previous paw.  Since I'm a very stubborn dog, she gave in long before I did so I have never had her try to put the stupid booties on me again.  I don't want to go outside and have squirrels and chipmunks laughing at me.  You don't see a squirrel or a chipmunk wearing shoes!  Of course, I'm sure that most dogs would be happy to chase and catch a squirrel or chipmunk so that the humans can put shoes on them in exchange for leaving the dog bare pawed.  When the trick or treaters come by to get candy, one of my brothers gives it to them, and Mommy hangs out in the bedroom with Angel and ,me.  Angel gets too excited over children and wants to kiss them, and she can get a bit carried away with the kisses.  I do hope that everyone has a nice Halloween, and if you get too much candy, send it to me, Demon Flash Bandit.  I'll be sniffing the mail in hopes of smelling candy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Everyone a Happy Halloween)

Ladder to Candy

Halloween will be here soon, and it is a holiday that this dog looks forward to celebrating.  I have already smelled the delicious smells that have come into the house via the grocery bag--Milky Way, Twix, and Payday.  Ever since the humans brought them home, I have been trying to devise a way to get  into said candy.  The humans make it difficult, but we Siberian huskies are very determined dogs.  I put the same amount of effort into trying to find the candy as a husky would to pull a sled.  So far, I haven't managed to get any because the humans have become good at finding spots to put things like that where I can't reach it.  However, I'm hoping that since it is getting colder outside, that is might discourage the trick or treaters, and I can get some candy in my paws while the kids are coming by to get candy.  Hopefully, there will be a lot left over even though the humans tell me it isn't good for me.  Technically, I bet it isn't good for the humans either, but they still eat it....lucky humans!!!  I have to go now.  I'm making plans to build a ladder to reach the candy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Candy)

Enjoying Cooler Weather

The weather here has gotten cooler, and it could not be more welcome to this dog.  Just a couple of days ago, my human was still using the air conditioner in the car, and now they have turned on the heater in the house.  I personally don't think we need the heater, but the humans and I disagree on comfortable temperatures.   I am sorry that this storm is causing so much trouble for much of the east coast of the United States, but I do enjoy the cooler temperatures that we are having in our area because of the storm.  I'll admit that I prefer temperatures much lower than the 40's (F), but a dog takes what he can get.  I hated the warm summer temperatures.  I'd be even happier if some of that snow reached my area, but I don't think it will.  Snow--so delightful.  I love it as much as my humans hate it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Enjoying Cooler Weather)

Money Spent on Family Dog: Money Used Wisely

I was pleased to see in the news today that the humans are spending more than ever on their pets.  Of course, this is as it should be, but when dealing with humans, things are not often what they should be.  The family pet is an important part of the family, and should be treated as such.  When it is necessary to cut back on the family budget, the dog should never be included in any of those cuts.  Particularly when the humans have to cut back, that is when they need the dog to make them feel better.   Therefore, it is imperative that the humans keep the dog happy, and we are easy to please.  I would write a longer blog, but since the news says the humans are spending more money on their pets, I need to get off the computer and look through some dog catalogs and pick out a few things.  The humans will appreciate my imput since they usually don't have a clue what dogs enjoy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Picking Toys from Catalog)

Life of a Dog Blogger

Today I am preparing for my visit from the television show, Life of a Dog Blogger.  Most dogs would be excited to be on a television show, but when you are a famous blogger like myself, you get used to these kind of things.  After all, I'm always being asked to star in movies and television shows, but I have other more important things to do with my time.  There is the doorbell...that means the host of the show is here.  I'll let my humans answer the door for me because that is their job.  That is why they are live-in help.  I'll go and grace the host with my appearance and then I will come back to let my readers know how it turned out.  Later....I think the show went well.  The host of the show was very impressed with my lifestyle, and who wouldn't be?  I have McDonalds hamburgers for dinner just about everyday, and we all know how much the humans love to eat there.  I have several cool places to sleep besides the bed.  One of my favorite ones is at the French doors on the slate the humans put at the door so that the people would not step  immediately onto the oak floors when entering the house from those doors.  For those of us who are of the Siberian husky species, it makes a cool spot in which to lay , andI like the cool temperature.  In addition, I get to look out at the deck, and I can see the road next to the house (the house is on a corner) so I can also watch traffic if I get bored.  I showed him my toy box of which I happen to be very proud.  I particularly like the toy that squeaks no matter where you touch it.  I find it fascinating!  I also have a vast collection of rawhide bones.  I tried to get them insured, but for some stupid reason, insurance companies are reluctant to insure items you plan to eat.  They seem to think it is not a wise investment.  Obviously, these insurance companies are run by humans because a dog would consider a bone more valuable than anything else in this house.  The show will be airing on the Siberian Husky  channel on October 30, 2012 at 8:00pm EST.  Be sure and watch because I happened to look incredibly cute--as usual!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blogger)

Movie Review: Argo

Today's movie review is of the movie, Argo. Argo is a movie based on the true story of the 6 diplomatic personnel from the United States who escaped from the embassy before it was taken over by Iranian revolutionaries in 1980. These fugitive Americans were taken in by the Canadian ambassador. The CIA was put in charge of getting them out of the country. This was accomplished by a clever ruse of a movie being made that needed locations in Iran. The Americans were part of the "Canadian movie crew" in an attempt to get them out of the country. This is a very good movie, and very entertaining. The story could not be told at the time until it was declassified. There was one cameo by a dog which probably put the movie above budget because you know the dog cost a lot to hire for the scene. However, the studios will usually spend the money because you know what the movie executives say, "if you want a movie to be a hit, be sure it has a dog in it". I give this movie 4 paws up, a tail wag, some kisses, and a rawhide bone. On the human movie scale, I give it 10 out of 10. You can go and see this movie with confidence because it has been recommended by me, Demon Flash Bandit. Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Demon Flash Bandit--Dog, not Dinner

I know that I am not the first dog, nor will I be the last dog, to ask. just how stupid are the humans? My humans were watching a program about UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objets), and aliens. I did not find the program interesting, and thought they should be watching a movie like Snow Dogs or Eight Below--you know a movie about dogs. This is when the humans got really stupid....Jeff told Mommy that there is some speculation that when an Earthling thinks about aliens or UFOs or talks about them, you are more likely to have an encounter with one. I couldn't believe it...if that is true, then why are the humans watching a television program about them and then talking about it? That should be a subject that no one mentions--like saying Beetlejuice 3 times. Look at what happened when Beetlejuice showed up! He was not a welcome guest! I'm not saying that the "aliens" might not be nice, but who knows? They could be like the ones in that old episode of the Twilight Zone who were here to "serve humans", and then at the end of the show, one of the linquists discovered that the book, "To Serve Humans" was a cookbook. I'm sure the aliens might be nice and helpful, but what if they are just searching the universe for exotic new foods. This dog does not believe in taking chances. I prefer to eat dinner..not be dinner. Demon Flash Bandit (Not an Entree)

Delicious New Burger At McDonalds

I'm sure many of you are wondering what I plan to write about today. I am wondering the same thing myself. What is worthy of being discussed by the famous dog blogger, Demon Flash Bandit? I could think of very few things worthy of my attention, but one does come to mind so I will write about it. That item is a new hamburger on the menu at McDonalds. This burger probably is not available all over the world, but it should be available at most McDonalds restaurants in the United States. This delicious new burger is available as an Angus beef burger or with crispy or grilled chicken. I personally went with the beef. This is a delicious burger. It has bacon, cheddar cheese, and fried onions. I thought the burger was brought here from a dog who had crossed over the bridge into heaven and brought back a burger so all us dogs here can have a taste of heaven while still here on Earth. If you are at McDonalds, and see the burger on the menu, remember that this is a burger recommended by me, Demon Flash Bandit. I've always said that you can make any food better by adding bacon, and this burger is no exception to my rule! Demon Flash Bandit (Praising New McDonalds Burger)

Birds Should be Executed

I have been unable to write a blog for about 4 days because my computer caught a virus. I warned that machine to get its flu shot, but the smart aleck computer listens to a dog about as well as the humans do. Since I have been unable to write my blog, I have been relaxing and catching up on other things that need to be done....like chewing on a rawhide bone which I have found a very enjoyable way to spend the day. Of course, I've also been taking care of the sick computer--bringing it fluids, and feeding it memory soup. I don't think that is helping the virus, but the computer seems to enjoy the attention. While having some extra time on my paws to enjoy, I decided to watch the best of the Mr. Ed television show. I like Mr. Ed, and consider it to be a good show, but there was one episode where Mr. Ed liberated a bunch of birds. This is where Mr. Ed and I disagree. Birds should not be liberated--they should be executed. If Mr. Ed was a dog instead of a talking horse, he would know this fact. However, the rest of the episodes were good, and I recommend them to anyone who has not seen the show in the past--or who has seen it because it is good to watch again. Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Mr. Ed)

Demon Flash Bandit: Superdog!

I was unable to write a blog yesterday so the humans probably had a bad day in which they just sat around wondering what to do with themselves. Unless, of course, that human is wise enough to have a dog of his own to tell him what to do. Without us dogs, the humans are always lost! Believe me, it is hard enough for a dog like myself to keep up with all my activities. I have to make sure my own humans don't do anything stupid everyday, and that is a big task. Then I have to make sure Angel Zoom Smokey does not steal any of my treats. I also write a diary on www.dogster.com which chose my diary as a diary pick today. Then I have serious napping to accomplish. I often wonder how I fit all my many activities into one 24 hour period, but I manage to to do. With all I do in a day's time, I must be as busy as Krypto, Superman's dog--and I accomplish so much without the aid of superpowers! Demon Flash Bandit (Superdog)

Items on Ebay

The humans tend to like added spices and sauces to their foods. I have no problem with this concept as a whole, but I do think that some of the humans do spend a bit too much money on the extras. I ran across this item today which proves my point. It is a gallon of McDonald's barbeque sauce from 1992 that was used on their McJordan burger for sale on ebay. The price was $9,995. I checked ebay and it isn't on there now so I am assuming that either it sold or it didn't sell and the seller hasn't chosen to relist the sauce. However, considering that the sauce is probably not edible (I'm not an expert on such things), and that you can get fresh sauce much, much cheaper, it does make me glad that us dogs don't waste money on silly things like that. I could buy a lot of dingo bones and toys with the extra money spent on that sauce. I think some of the humans have more money than sense, which judging from their behavior, seems to be quite accurate. However, this dog does not think it is a bad thing, but something that can be good for me. I will soon be listing a couple of items on ebay that I'm sure the humans will want to own. One is a half chewed rawhide bone that I am going to offer at the ridiculously low price of $500. and the other is 5 pounds of my excess fur for $5,000. The fur is offered at a higher price for those who might want to clone a great dog like myself. Be sure and look for my offerings...my ebay identity is Demonflashbandit. When I sell my items, I'm going to invest in dingo bones. I'm not buying stock--I'm going to buy the actual bones. Here is the link for those who want to read the story about the expensive barbeque sauce for themselves: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/15/mcjordan-bbq-sauce-ebay_n_1968153.html Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Planning to Buy a Lot of Dingo Bones)

Sled Rider: New Television Show

For those of you who enjoy the television show, Knight Rider, which is from the 1980's, you are going to love my new television show which I am producing and in which I am starring. That show is going to be called, Sled Rider. Of course, like the Knight Rider car, KITT, on the old Knight Rider program, the sled will be a super intelligent sled that will be able to talk and tell the dog what to do. The big difference will be that the dog will choose to listen to the sled--or not, and the dog will always be right. How can the dog be wrong when I'm playing that role? I'm sure the show will be a super big hit, and you can look forward to watching it when it comes on later this year. Demon Flash Bandit (Star of Sled Rider)

Spiderman: Not a Hero for a dog

I was sitting in my usual spot by the French doors looking out at the deck, and I saw a spider outside, and it reminded me that the humans actually have a super hero named Spiderman. Why a spiderman? Who knows? We dogs are way too smart to understand the humans. If I were a human and I saw a spiderman, I would smack it with my paw. Isn't it bad enough that those insects run around the place acting stupid and building webs everywhere? No dog would allow that kind of shenanigans in a dog house, but the humans, who incidentally tend to kill spiders, think it is okay to have a man who is basically a spider, and he is the "good guy". No wonder the humans have so many problems. I say if it spins a web like a spider and acts like a spider, then it is a spider, and we dogs would smack it with our paws. Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Spiderman)

Vote Demon Flash Bandit for President!

Since the Presidential election is fast approaching, I think I should tell you more about myself since I am running for that office. I was born in a barn in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan. Obviously, my parents did not have health insurance which is why I was not born in a veterinary hospital. I was born in late November so it was cold in the barn, but despite not having all my fur, I did just great. I was adopted by some nice humans who treat me like I should be treated. Normally, I would be very happy just hanging out and enjoying my life, but I can't do so when I know there are so many problems for dogs. We can't get a driver's license to drive cars. We can't go into a lot of places even though those places serve or sell delicious food that we would enjoy eating. If I am elected President, I will make life better for dogs everywhere. I will also make sure that the government quits spending money on any programs involving birds or squirrels because they are a waste of taxpayer dollars. In fact, if any money is spent on birds, it will be for weapons of mass birdstruction. Birds are horrible creatures who should not be allowecd to live. I hope I have your vote for President because it is time to have a dog leading a country instead of the stupid humans! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Candidate for President of the U.S.)