Sunday, July 31, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Television)
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Onions have their own news show and they are about to go on strike. I suppose the onions think they aren't getting enough money. I suspect it is really because onions don't get the proper respect they deserve as a vegetable--if they are a vegetable--I'm not really sure what they are.
For those who are worried that the killer tomatoes are back, I have heard nothing about them in the news, but I would be careful because you never know when they are going to go on another killing spree. This is why Hollywood has made so many documentaries about the killer tomatoes. Be on the lookout for large, evil looking tomatoes. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Food News)
Friday, July 29, 2011
I told Mommy that I was interested in buying the town since I can always buy a McDonalds franchise and build one there, but Mommy said I have no money in my bank account. Since when did us dogs not have bank accounts started for us when we are puppies? Many of the human puppies have colllege accounts, and all us dogs know how stupid the human puppies are. Quite frankly, the human parents are far more optimistic about their human puppies intelligence than are us dogs. Have you observed the human puppies? I could feed myself and walk around and was ready to "conquer" the world when I was about 6 weeks old. The human puppies hang around and expect their parents to take care of them for years. Most of them don't even learn to walk until they are about a year old. Talk about stupidity. Even birds learn and get pushed out of the nest faster than that. I think this dog is going to have to take financial matters into my own paws, but the only thing that bothers me is that the humans expect you to work for money, and that would seriously interrupt my nap time. I guess I'll have to use my next nap to contemplate this situation and come up with a genius plan for getting money without working. Maybe I'll write the Queen Lady for advice. Her family seems to have plenty of money and they don't show up for work.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Without a Bank Account)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I am going to report a news story from Capshaw, Alabama. A woman stopped her car, a Mercedes because she saw a goat and a dog on the highway and didn't want them to get hit by a car. The goat jumped on her car and refused to get down. The police were called and they put the goat into the back of the police car, and the dog jumped in with the goat. Talk about friendship. The dog didn't want the goat to be arrested alone! Once again, dogs make great pals.
Remember to come to my blog where you can find the important news stories.
Demon Flash Bandit (National Chocolate Day)
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Now for some sobering news that I hate to have to write about, but it needs to be said. Some of the humans in the United States and its allies have been worried about terrorist attacks. Normally, I don't cover news of this sort since basically, I think most humans are good, and I like to concentrate more on the good things in the world. However, since I do speak fluent bird, and birds are evil, I feel it is important for me to keep the world aware of their treachery. The birds are now fortifying their birdseed with plutonium, and those white bombs they drop are going to become far more deadly than they already are. I feel it is my duty to warn all dogs and humans to be on the lookout for birds and their evil bird bombs of poop. I personally plan to do my best to stop the birds and thwart their evil plans. I would suggest that other dogs follow my lead and fire up the grill and cook these little monsters before they can take over the world. In fact, I suspect that is where the fire breathing dragons in the past came from--birds that ate stuff that would turn their breath into a weapon. I only hope that my warnings have alerted enough people so that the birds can be stopped. Their singing fools so many of the humans who think they are harmless little songbirds instead of evil creatures with an agenda to take over the planet.
Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Must Be Stopped)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
- In the summertime, a dog's thoughts turn to where the family should go on vacation. Thanks to a Minnesota travel guide, I have found a perfect destination for both humans and dogs. That place is the Spam Museum. As you can deduce from the name, it is a museum dedicated to spam. The best thing about the museum is that the admission is free. I can't think of a better place to spend a vacation than the Spam Museum. How often can you combine culture and food in one museum? Sure, you can go to the Metropolitan Museum instead, but I doubt that any of their exhibits are as interesting to a dog as the exhibits in the Spam Museum. In fact, I doubt that the Metropolitan has any of the series of paintings of dogs playing poker which are the best paintings ever done. Most museums want them, but can't afford such magnificent works of art. They don't even have my painting, What Dogs Mean to the Earth. This was posted on my blog on July 12, 2011 under the title, Demon Flash Bandit: Artist.
- The Spam Museum is located in Austin, Minnesota with 16,500 square feet of Spam. Admission to the museum is free so you might want to visit more than once. I'm sure some of the dogs will want to spend more than one day there. I bet there is even spam in the gift shop for sale. If you ask this dog, there is nothing better than a souvenir that can be eaten when you are hungry!
Demon Flash Bandit (Vacation Destination-Spam Museum)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Onto a more important subject. I have a gorgeous tail. I know I probably have written about it before and it goes without saying, but my tail is gorgeous. I'm thinking of having photos made of it to hang around the house so the humans can enjoy looking at my tail even if I'm not in the room with them. In fact, looking at my tail makes me happy so perhaps I could market photos of it so the humans who tend to be depressed will have something to make them happy without having to resort to anti-depressants. It makes me feel good to help the humans who have such problems with being happy. If you give a dog some tasty food (preferably human food), a comfortable place to nap, and some tummy rubs, we are happy. The humans could learn a lot from us!
Demon Flash Bandit (Super Dooper Dog)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Business Commentator)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
*The names have been changed to protect the individual dog's privacy.
Demon Flash Bandit (Garbage is Fun)
Friday, July 22, 2011
I've received many compliments on it from the humans, and it is nice to know that my beautiful butt is appreciated. I would never wear clothing over my butt because it is just too adorable!
Now that I've put your mind at ease about the butt stunt double, it is time to move onto a more important suject. Happy 75th Birthday to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile!!!!! I have blogged about the weinermobile in previous blogs, and it is one super cool car. A human is being given credit for coming up with the idea of the weinermobile, but I'm not believing it. The weinermobile had to be the brilliant idea of a dog. I've got to go now. I am working on plans for a new car--a hamburgermobile for McDonalds.
Demon Flash Bandit (Weinermobile is a Cool Car)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Problems Aren't Lucky)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
There is one thing that does concern me. I would like to meet Caddy one day, but being in Alaska can be dangerous because Sarah Palin lives there and she likes to shoot at anything that moves so I am concerned that Caddy might be in danger. Imagine how awful it would be if he were hanging on her wall as a decoration before I get the chance to meet him. I am hoping that he visits Alaska or, if he lives there, only hangs out when she isn't there. Having her there is just too dangerous for a sea monster.
Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Caddy)
Monday, July 18, 2011
I am also wondering why there is no bacon delivery service for dogs. I am in the mood for some tasty bacon, and there is no restaurant that will deliver bacon. Sure, you can get a pizza delivered and it can have bacon on it, but I don't want a pizza. I just want the bacon. It is tasty and delicious and a dog enjoys bacon! Also, Oscar Meyer has a hotdogmobile, but no one has ever built a baconmobile. If a car looked like bacon, I bet every dog in the vicinity of that car would be following it. I don't think a dog could resist chasing said car.
I hope my readers are staying cool.
Demon Flash Bandit (Are Dragons Birds?)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I'm sure I will enjoy these books.
Speaking of cool dog books, my pal, Raja, has published a book called The Journey of the Shih Tzu. It can be purchased from Raja's blog, http://www.traveldogbooks.com/. It can also be purchased on amazon.com. If you decide to purchase it and you do it from Raja's blog, be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. Raja is not only my friend, but my photo is in Raja's book and who wouldn't want to have my photo to enjoy? My human said I'm not supposed to say stuff like that, but I'm a dog, and a dog speaks the truth.
I went to McDonalds yesterday and got dinner--2 McDoubles, and they were so nice they gave me little tiny dog biscuits which I love. I am such a dainty small dog that the big bones are hard for me to eat. Yeah, that is kind of a joke since I'm actually a medium size dog and the humans say I have "gator teeth", but I still love those tiny little bones. They make a dog feel like a puppy again, and felling like a puppy is nice.
Demon Flash Bandit (Intellectual Book Owner)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I have to admit that all my knowledge of gorillas is not first hand. I've never met an actual gorilla. We dogs aren't allowed in most zoos, and judging from the animals who would like to eat a dog, it probably is not a bad idea that we aren't allowed. I wouldn't want to go to the zoo to be some lion or bear's dinner! I am wondering how the gorillas got started in business. Did Magilla Gorilla use the vast fortune he made from the cartoons he did in the 1960's to invest in a glue factory? Is he the CEO of gorilla glue. I can understand why he would want that kind of security. In the cartoon, he was for sale at the pet store, and maybe that made him feel insecure since anytime a human bought him, he was always brought back. That has got to hurt a gorillas ego considerably. Anyway, I'm glad that the gorillas are doing so well, and have such a good product. The next time you go to the zoo, be extra nice to the gorillas. You might need a job one day and they might be hiring.
I am surprised that there is no Doggy Glue. I guess us dogs have used our vast intelligence on other projects. I guess you have to let the other animals excel in some fields too. A dog can't hog all the limelight!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Gorilla Glue)
Friday, July 15, 2011
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=beer+hats&x=12&y=15 As you can see, she can order several in different colors so she will have hats to go with any color outfit she chooses to wear. This hat is not only fashionable, but practical as well which is something that can't be said for a lot of hats. Let's say that it is a hot day and Kate is thirsty. Does she have to find someone to give her a drink? No, she does not-she merely sticks the hat's straw in her mouth, and she is no longer thirsty. I'm surprised more humans aren't wearing these delightfully practical hats. I wouldn't mind having one myself, but mine would have Bowser beer. Bowser beer is beer made for dogs. I hope that Kate will order herself one of these cool hats today. She continues to look silly when she chooses the hats she likes. She needs a dog like me to tell her how to dress properly!
Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Consultant to Royalty)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Entertainment)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is too Many)
Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is Too Many)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Giving My First Stupid Human Award)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Anyway, as you can see, the resume is a picture of Sarah Palin in red and a dinosaur in blue. I would share the meaning with my readers, but I haven't got a clue as to the meaning of the drawing. I would venture to guess that Sarah Palin probably has no idea what it means either.
She sent me a letter along with the resume which I will now share with my readers.
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I am writing you because I'm from Alaska and you are a gee golly snow dog. I think I would make a good President because I am a gee golly hockey mom. Hockey is one of the most gee golly nicest sports on the planet. All the players are so gee golly polite to each other as they are knocking each other's teeth out. I promise to keep the job as President for gee golly 6 months before I resign to do a television show, "Let's Shoot and Kill Animals".
I'm sure you will want me to be President, Demon Flash Bandit, because I can gee golly see Russia from my house and you are a gee golly Siberian Husky. WINK!!! WINK!!!
Love, Sarah Palin
In case you are wondering, no she will not get this dog's vote. I was not impressed with her resume.
Demon Flash Bandit (A Dog Should be President)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
My mother in law speaks very highly of you and your blog so I thought I would use your considerable influence to set the record straight. I did think the cowboy hat was too plain for my taste. I did not mean to hurt any one's feelings which is why both William and myself wore cowboy hats later on. However, I would have worn the hat in the beginning if it had been my style--you know maybe a peacock beanie baby on top surrounded by beanie baby mice. That is a hat I would be proud to wear. I'm sorry you think my hats are silly, but I put a lot of thought into them. I'm not saying my thoughts are good, but they are thoughts. Thanks for getting this little mistake straightened out. Best wishes from William and myself!
I suppose there is no accounting for taste, but I bet the royal accountants do get tired of sending checks to pay for those silly hats Kate wears.
Demon Flash Bandit (Kate and the Cowboy Hat)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I get many letters from celebrities, and this is a drawing from former President, George W. Bush which he included with his letter. It is a drawing of Dick Cheney and George W. having a fun little peeing contest. I never thought of W as an intelligent man. However, I have to admit that, given a choice between this contest and going hunting with Cheney, I think he made a wise decision. Hunting with Cheney can get you shot in the face. The question mark is done by the artist probably because the artist had NO idea why he was being asked to draw them. I will share his letter with my readers.
Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
I'm glad to see a dawg writing a blog on the Interneted. I don't know what I would have done wethout my dogs when I was in office. When it came time to make the big derisions, I always left them up to the dawgs. I am enopening a pitcher of Dick Cheney and meself doing some impoortant Wite Hous Stuff when I was President. Feel free to shair this pitcher with your readers. I am a big fan, and I hope your blog continues to do well. I am hoping one day to go from being a fan to being an air conditioner!
Love, Gorjze W. Buzh (I think that is how I spell it.)
It was very pleasant hearing from our former President, and I'm glad that, judging from the improvement in the spelling of his name, he is learning a lot. Thank dog for spell check. I don't think I would have been able to interpret his letters to me without it. Let's just say, spelling isn't his strong suit and neither is math, science, etc. He is a very nice guy though, and I'm happy to see him back in Texas.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Another Celebrity Letter)
I have not mentioned the jury case of Casey Anthony largely because, I was not on the jury so I didn't need to keep up with it. The prosecution presented the argument that this was a mother whose child was missing, and she was lying to the police. You would think that a Mommy of a missing child would be trying to make sure the child is found---not impeding the search. The jury said the prosecution did not prove the case. I don't know about that since I didn't keep up with the case, but one thing bothers me. One reason they gave for not finding her guilty was that the prosecution could not establish a motive for her killing the child. That is when I realized that juries should no longer be made up of humans. The humans should be replaced by dogs. Why? Because all us dogs know that humans do things without logical reasons. Perhaps Casey Anthony got annoyed at her child....perhaps she was having a bad day...perhaps they cancelled her favorite television show. Maybe the jury was right, but the very fact that they think another human needs a reason for their behavior proves to us dogs that they don't have any sense. In addition, dogs would "smell" the evidence and be able to pick up all sorts of clues from the smell. Humans can't smell their way out of a paper bag with those little, semi-useless noses of theirs. The best thing about having dogs serve as jurors is that we would work for dingo bones and McDonalds. They have to pay the humans cash, and we all know how greedy the humans are about money.
Demon Flash Bandit (Potential Juror Demon Flash Bandit)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Speaking of things I should have avoided watching. I went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon yesterday. I did not enjoy the movie because it was basically about blowing up things. If that is what you enjoy, then the movie is a must-see! Even the cameos by 4 dogs couldn't save that movie!
As my regular readers are aware, I sometimes cover news items, and I read one headline that said a disabled child was banned from a flight. Obviously, that news outlet does not live up to the Demon Flash Bandit standards. The real story was that the child was not banned from the flight, but only the stroller. The child had Down's Syndrome so that does not mean the child can't walk so I fail to see how that affects the child getting on the plane. It turns out a musical instrument was allowed on the plane, but the airlines said that you could bring a musical instrument if you paid for a seat for it. I'm assuming that if the family had been willing to pay for a seat for the stroller that it could have been on the plane too. It would be nice if the airline allowed strollers, but as long as a child can walk, I don't see how it would stop the child from getting on a plane. The last I looked, planes do have seats for their customers. I'm sure that eventually they will decide to charge extra for chairs, but they haven't thought of that yet.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With High Standards)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Treasure)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds. King George III did not want to give up the colonies. Sure, his main interest in life was wearing silly hats, but his aides were wise enough to hide his hats for a couple of days so he could take care of more serious affairs, but mostly he sat around the castle making fart noises with his arm pits because that is what he thought kings were supposed to do in their spare time. He was not only fond of silly hats, but he was also insane--very much like many leaders which is why the humans have so many problems in this world. No self respecting dog would ever allow some of the world leaders to lead their packs. This is because we are dogs and we are smart. King George III was not about to allow the colonies to go without a fight so he sent over his rock-em, sock-em robots, and the colonists fought back with their GI Joes, and the GI Joes won the fight. King George granted the colonies their freedom to form a new government, and the king went back to making fart noises with his arm pits.
Anyway, that is how the United States got its independence from Great Britain, and this is also why the humans have barbeques and fireworks to celebrate. Some of them take vacations which is in honor of the representatives who travelled to Philadelphia to convene the Second Continental Congress. I might add that John Hancock, the President of Continental Congress, and the man who signed his name larger than those of his cohorts summed up the situation by saying, "I've got to sign my name larger than life because in the future, I plan to own my own insurance company".
As usual, I hope my readers have learned something accurate from my blog. If you want the facts, always ask a dog!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing History Behind Independence Day)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hats)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Meat)