I'll Try a Bacon Scented Candle!

Most of the time when the humans burn candles around here, they have flowery scents. Sure, some of them smell like vanilla and that is okay, but many of them smell like lilacs, roses, etc. I saw that a young man has taken matters into his own paws, and has come up with some manly scents. Personally, I don't care about buying a candle that smells like dirt or sawdust. However, a candle that smells like bacon has my paw of approval. In fact, I think a lot of dogs would enjoy smelling a bacon scented candle. Of course, I think we would enjoy the smell of actual bacon more. I doubt that a candle tastes very good. I'll admit that I have never tried one, and I don't plan to eat one to test out my theory, but I do think that candles don't really taste like their scent. I suppose that is because they aren't really food, and were never meant to be eaten. Perhaps if the humans invented edible candles, then dogs would enjoy them more. For those readers who want to know more about bacon scented candles, here is the website:
http://businessonmain.msn.com/browseresources/articles/selling.aspx?cp-documentid=30571440&source=msneditorial#fbid=LBIQVGBFjSB?GT1=25409

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Bacon)

Common Sense?

As a dog who lives in Michigan, I am appalled to report that the Republican party in the state of Michigan wants to put teachers in jail if they use a computer at the school to send an email that has anything to do with their union. Of course, teachers using a school computer to update their Facebook account or play games is okay so it isn't that they are concerned about wasting "company time". I'm not quite sure why the Republican party is so scared of the unions. Unions are supposed to be about fair wages and safe working conditions. I suppose most of the Republicans would rather have slaves teaching the children. That would be an advantage for them since slaves could teach the students to be good slaves for future business owners. You don't have to agree with a dog about this issue, but there is one thing that bothers me, and that is just a common sense fact. Considering that Michigan has considered releasing prisoners early due to overcrowding, it doesn't make any sense to put teachers in jail and possibly end up costing the state a lot of extra money not to mention the possibility of having to let murderers and rapists go free. If this is the kind of "common sense" coming from the Republican party, then they have none.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking up for Teachers)

Dogs: Avoid Exploding Toilets!

I'm writing this because I saw an item in the news from Washington DC (it happened in a Federal Building) about a lady who was injured due to an exploding toilet. I'm sure most of you, when you see that sentence will think, "was there a terrorist attack at one of the government buildings?" The answer is, no there was not. It turns out that it was just one disgruntled toilet that caused the problem. This is why dogs do not use toilets. Sure, you can get a cat to use one, but we dogs have more sense. There is no way that we are going to be shot across the room by an unhappy toilet. There was an excuse about water pressure, and the people in the building have been warned not to use the facilities until they are checked out. I suppose that means that either the humans are using hydrants like us dogs or they are lining up at a nearby gas station. I hope they are using the nearby gas stations because those hydrants are for dogs. We mark them as our territory and we expect them to stay our territory. The humans probably wouldn't even bother to sniff the hydrant first to see if it has been marked or not. Humans are terribly impolite about such things. Anyway, I hope that there are no more toilet problems in Washington DC. Judging from the amount of excrement coming from the politicians, I'm surprised the toilets haven't fought back sooner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Staying Away From Toilets)

I Want a Couch That Goes Fast!!!!!

Occasionally, my humans are in the market for new furniture, and I am hoping that they will be needing a new couch soon. This is because there is a couch in Australia that has set a land record for going 101 miles per hour. In fact, according to the article I just read, this couch has probably broken the land speed record for upholstered furniture. I happen to be a very smart dog, but I learned something new because I wasn't even aware there was a land speed record for upholstered furniture. I'm not sure if it is fair to call it a couch because it is only a 2 seater, and therefore, it isn't as big as most couches. I know many of the humans call them love seats which is a silly name if you happen to have to sit on one with someone you hate. I guess many of the humans are optimists. I guess they have to be to get up in the morning and show up for work. Most of us dogs would hate having to get up and go to work. I get annoyed if the humans expect me to get up before noon unless it involves a treat--and it had better be a good treat to get me up early!!!

For those of you who would like to read more about this amazing couch, here is the site:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/28/worlds-fastest-couch-hits-101-mph_n_984501.html#s366143&title=Guinness_World_Records
In the future, you might want to be careful when you sit down on a couch. You don't want to end up miles from where you started. That is the kind of thing you want to know in advance.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Think I'll Order a Faster Couch Next Time)

Moths: Working With Birds?

I have written numerous times about birds and their evil plans to take over the planet. However, now I am suspicious that they might be aided in their attempt by another flying creature--moths. Sure, moths are small and they look harmless, but just last night, my fellow dog and adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, was laying on the bed trying to relax. A black moth landed on her nose. Before she could take her paw and hit the moth, he was gone. This brings me to my conclusion. . . . moths are in league with birds. Both fly around bothering people, and both can be annoying. Moths can destroy a wardrobe which makes them very powerful.

I think this is probably why Hollywood made the movie a few years back, The Mothman Prophecies. The movie showed a "Mothman" who showed up before tragedies took place. The movie never really made it clear whether the Mothman was trying to warn the humans or if he was the reason for the tragedy. If moths are in league with birds, I would assume he caused the tragedies.

I might add that this does not apply to the Moth sidekick in The Tick. That moth looks like a rabbit. Therefore, he is okay. Rabbits never bother anyone. . . . their job it to hop around looking cute.

Remember, if you see a moth, get rid of it. There is no need to take chances that it might be out to help the birds take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Moths)

Stockbroker Psychopath: At Your Service!

I've often thought that Wall Street Stock brokers and psyhcopaths have a lot in common, but today I read an article stating that fact on the Internet. You might ask me how I could see that one coming in advance. It is because I see what Wall Street does to business. I'll take Krispy Kreme for example. They have always had delicious doughtnuts. Sure, the doughnuts are high in calories and fat and are not good for you, but that is what a doughnut is supposed to be. If they were "health food", they would not have so many people who love them. Anyway, when Krispy Kreme was a private company without stocks being sold on Wall Street, their cream filled doughnuts were wonderful (or so the humans claim). However, shortly after the company started selling stock on Wall Street, the cream filled doughnuts had a lot less cream and are no longer purchased by my humans--which means I never got to try them. If you ask this dog's opinion, they murdered a perfectly delicious product--just like a psychopath would!!! I am going to give you the web address of the article I read so you can look it up for yourself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/26/stockbroker-psychopath_n_981950.html
This brings up a new and important point. With the stock market doing so badly, and some of them inevitably losing their jobs, does this mean that their new line of work will be murdering innocent people. Since they have the inclination, and jobs are scarce, it would seem to be a logical alternative for them. I think there should be more dogs on Wall Street, and I am going to volunteer to replace those silly human psychopaths. A dog like myself would make good investments thanks to my advance intelligence, and my investments would be good because I'm a dog, and we dogs do things right. I've got to go now and work on my resume.....Demon Flash Bandit....stockbroker!

Demon Flash Bandit (Should be a Stock Broker Due to My Vast Intelligence)

Bad Art and The Office Without Michael Scott

I have written several blogs about art. However, since whether art is "good or bad" is often a judgement on the part of the viewer, it makes this dogs realize that, other than the famous "dogs playing poker" paintings, most art done by the humans really isn't that great. This isn't completely the fault of the artist since the painting will only be as good as the subject, and, if the subject is human, there is no way they are going to look as good as dogs! This is why I am pleased to write about art that is not considered "good art" from the human point of view. You can find it at this link:
http://www.museumofbadart.org/
Obviously, you won't find the dog playing poker paintings in this museum because there is no doubt that they are good, but I personally found the 2 dogs in the one painting to be a good painting no matter what the silly humans say. Sure, maybe they could have looked even better done by another artist, but there is no way a dog can look bad.

The Office has always been one of my favorite shows. I even awarded myself a Dundee award when Mommy got one with a dvd she bought. Sadly, she put the Dundee award the and Dwight bobblehead where Angel Zoom Smokey and myself could not get to them. However, I just watched the new episode of the first season, and I don't think the show is going to make it without Steve Correll. The episode just was not funny. The only time I laughed was when Pam was watching the dog on the commercial. She was crying and said," he is only trying to protect his bone". Of course, leave it to a dog to save the day when the humans have messed up everything. I think Steve Correll was wise to get out when he did because it has become so unrealistic and not particularly funny that I doubt that my humans will purchase any seasons of it in the future--and they have all the seasons that are out. I noticed that B. J. Novak both wrote and produced the episode so I can only say that if the office wants to survive, they should put him in the column of losers, and use other writers and directors. Judging from the episode I watched, the show is not going to make it. I'm not even sure that I will watch more episodes, and that goes for my humans also because they didn't like it. Mommy only laughed once. To give Dwight the promotion of "office enforcer" was ridiculous. By the way, I don't think entertainment has to be completely true to real life, but when it gets to the point where it is totally unbelievable, that is not good. The whole "planking" thing would get most employees fired, and in this dog's opinion, wasn't even particularly funny. I can do funnier things with 2 paws tied behind my back. I think the new season of The Office is horrible, and I think it will be its last season if others think like Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Art and The Office)

Zombie Apocalypse Insurance

Sometimes a dog has to spend some time getting his business affairs in order. Sure, it is a boring task, but nonetheless, a task that must be done from time to time. It is also a time when a dog has to decide whether he needs to purchase more insurance or if the amount of insurance he already has is sufficient. This is when I realized that if there is ever an attack by zombies, I am not covered for any damages that I incur due to the zombies. Because I have talked to other dogs, and found out that none of them have zombie insurance, I am writing this blog in order to make sure that all my readers will make sure they sign up for a policy. Don't assume that your other insurance will cover damage caused by zombies. I'm sure they probably have a clause that gets them out of paying for that kind of damage. Be sure and go to this site:
http://www.zaico.com/coverage.html
When you sign up for zombie insurance, you no longer have to worry because, if zombies take over, you are covered financially for any and all damages they cause. I know it makes me sleep better at night. If I hear a garbage can knocked over, and I realize that a zombie might be running around the neighborhood; I can close my eyes and remember that I am insured for any and all damaged done by zombies.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Zombie Insurance)

Pull that Truck Over---I Want Some Treats!!!

I am excited to write about today's blog topic. This is because I have experienced those times when I think to myself, "I would like to have a delicious treat now". I'm sure I am not the only dog who has had this happen. You are walking your human, and suddenly, the tummy says, "feed me". Sure, you can find some tasty items along the way--maybe a caterpillar or a cigarette butt (both of which the humans won't necessarily approve of you eating). However, wouldn't it be wonderful if you are walking down the street and a dog treat truck pulls up and you can choose between a cornucopia of treats? This isn't happening in my town, but for those lucky dogs living in Los Angeles, California, is could very well happen because there is a business there that has mobile dog treats--yes, a truck full of treats for us dogs!!! I don't know it is was a particularly smart human that thought of the idea or perhaps it was his or her dog. However, the results are what matters, and the result is that dogs in that city can have treats come to them. It is the same concept as the ice cream truck that brings ice cream to the humans (and some very lucky dogs). I am going to share the web address so that you can see the dog treat truck for yourself. Go here:
http://www.petcentric.com/Videos/Video/Snouts-in-Your-Town-Food-Truck-4-Dogs.aspx?videoid=1031129915001&DCMP=EMC-PETC-PETC-Sept11_2
This is a concept that I would like to see all over the country. I would love to try the peanut butter, bacon bones. They sound delicious!!! Be sure and save some money just in case the truck starts showing up in your neighborhood! You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Treat Truck)

Zombie Wedding

I am always watching out for my readers, and today is no exception. I am going to start this blog by sharing a video from youtube. Here is the address:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyNPdso6Kd8&feature=related


This video features a zombie wedding. Of course, this is a real concern for all us non-zombies in the world. It is bad enough that zombies run loose, but when they get married and start reproducing like the non-zombies, you know there is going to be trouble eventually. When the little zombies start reaching school age, are the schools going to have to put brains on the menu? Will the little zombies bully the non-zombie children on the playground. These are the kind of questions that have baffled non-zombie philosophers for years. There are no zombie philosophers to worry about it because zombies don't do a lot of thinking. They just mostly walk around looking and sounding stupid. Maybe that is not the politically correct thing to say, but it is the truth. Watch any zombie movie and you'll see what I'm talking about. No one has ever watched a zombie movie and said, "wow, those zombies were geniuses!".

As usual, I have some plans to stop the zombies before they destroy society as we know it. First, they need to provide notarized birth certificates to prove that they aren't illegal aliens. They certainly don't act like regular humans so it is important to check their citizenship status. It can be helpful to have them deported so that they are another government's problem. Additionally, if they are supposed to be dead, which I do believe is their official status, perhaps showing them back to their resting place might help solve the problem. I know I hate it when dead people forget where they are supposed to be. I don't know if you have noticed, but dead people tend to lose all their social skills and get in the way. It is like a shopping trip to Walmart. Okay, I'll admit that the average zombie might be a bit more polite than many of the Walmart shoppers. Sometimes we writers tend to exaggerate in order to get a laugh.

I have some good news for you about the video. I suspect that the wedding is not actually a zombie wedding because I did some extensive research on the video, and the "zombies" are moving much too fast and there are other subtle signs that they are humans acting like zombies. Hopefully, the zombies are not starting to marry or reproduce, but I will be ever vigilent about watching out for any and all new zombie weddings I hear about in the future. Just because this one is fake does not mean that some real ones aren't occurring.

I hope that you don't run into any zombies, but if you do, remember this important fact for survival....they are stupid so act like a zombie yourself and they will leave you alone. Until tomorrow. . . . !

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching For Zombies)

Turn Up the Volume Please!!!!!

Have any of you attended a "silent disco"? If you are wondering what a silent disco happens to be, it is a dance where all the humans dancing are wearing headphones so that the music is not heard except by the dancers wearing their headphones. I'm not quite sure the purpose for not having music except that it gives the humans the chance to sing along with the music so it isn't actually silent because you just have the voices of the unprofessional singers to listen if you are a spectator. Of course, if you have on headphones, you probably can't hear yourself sing--which I'm sure is a blessing to many of the dancers taking part-not so much a blessing for the spectators who are just watching. Am I the only one who wonders how this craze got started? If I were betting, I would put my money on the headphone industry. They stand to sell a lot more headphones for events like a silent disco. To give you an example of silent disco, here is a video of an event:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQVfIzH4Cng&feature=related
This dog has no plans to attend any of these events. I happen to be in the singing group, The Howling Huskies, and we like our music to be heard by everyone. Of course, we are dogs singing so we are fantastic.

Demon Flash Bandit (Member of the Howling Huskies)

Family Who Spends $200,000 a Year on Food!

I have a new award for human stupidity in the field of economics. I am calling it the Demon Flash Bandit Award for Humans Who Should Not Be Allowed to Handle Finances Because They are Incredibly Stupid. The first recipient of my award goes to Congressman Fleming, a member of the Tea Party, for stating that he can't afford to pay more taxes because he only makes $600,000 a year, and it takes $200,000 a year to feed his family. I can only assume that his family must be super big eaters to spend so much of the money on food. His logic is that he needs $400,000 to create new jobs. It seems he has businesses that make millions every year, but much of that money goes to pay employees, business costs, etc. I'm wondering how this moron can run successful Subway franchises when he pays so much for food for his family. If he is in charge of buying the supplies, the Subways he owns must be losing money. I have a better idea for fixing the economy.....let him pay more taxes, and let some of those people who he wants to continue paying to work for him (probably at minimum wage) actually be the ones to create new jobs. There are plenty of innovative new businesses that end up employing far more people than fast food franchises at better pay. In the long run, it would do Congressman Fleming a big favor because it is obvious to this dog that the stress of trying to keep so many people employed is getting to him. In fact, I think the stress of getting dressed in the morning must be getting to him. This is why I don't care for Tea Party conservatives. This guy is not "conservative" with tax payer money.....he is just selfishly trying to get more for himself, and acting like he is doing everyone a favor in the process. I hope his constituents decide to send him back to his old job when it is time for reelection. There are way too many idiots running the country!

Demon Flash Bandit (Giving Out a New Award)

Make the Play Area for Dogs

Normally I am not a big fan of the Emmy awards, but I have to make an exception for one particular actor. Peter Dinklage. Dinklage won the Emmy for outstanding supporting actor for his role in Game of Thrones on HBO. He thanked his dog sitter, Kitty, for watching his dog, Kevin. Of course, I do wonder how Kevin the dog feels about having a dog sitter named Kitty, but I must give Peter Dinklage credit for having his priorities in order. Most humans don't have enough sense to put their dogs first.

According to the news today, a lady has done some research and found that many fast food play areas for children aren't clean enough. I have a simple solution for this problem. Ban the human puppies from the play areas and let us dogs take over. We dogs love things that the humans think are disgusting so we would have a great time playing there. In addition, we would then be allowed in the restaurants which, as of this time, we aren't--except for service dogs. A dog play area and tasty food all in one building. The dogs who enjoy it would think they had died and gone to heaven!!! Once again, Demon Flash Bandit has solved another human problem. What would the humans do without us dogs to lead the way?

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready to Play)

McDonalds Employee Has Attitude Problem

I have often said that some of the humans should not have the jobs they have, and I think this video proves my point.
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2011/09/16/mcdonalds-manager-takes-a-stand-against-coning/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl6%7Csec3_lnk1%7C96577
Evidently, some McDonalds customers have taken the ice cream cones they order by the ice cream instead of from the bottom cone. This is supposed to be a hilarious (not in my opinion) prank. Personally, as long as the customer pays for the ice cream--if they want to make a mess in their car, I don't really see why the employee at McDonalds would care one way or the other. I am sharing this to illustrate a point that this dog has noticed about the humans. The humans are always trying to tell the other humans how to live. The really sad thing about it is that very often the humans offering the most advice are the ones whose lives are the biggest messes. My assumption is that misery loves company. Anyway, if I were running McDonalds, that employee would be in big trouble. In fact, I would probably fire that employee because their job is to sell the product--not to dictate what the customer does with the product. I don't care if they buy it and throw it away, once it is paid for, it is theirs. Sure, some of the customers are stupid, but that is their problem. As Ron White said in one of his stand up routines, "you can't fix stupid", which probably explains a lot about the humans. We dogs know that life is difficult enough solving our own problems so we don't go around telling other dogs what to do as much--except to let them know to leave our stuff alone. If only the humans were as smart as us dogs! The saddest thing about this video is that I think that the employee is a manager--this is the kind of employee that gets promoted to deal with customers? Again, if I were running McDonalds, I'd be investigating that entire restaurant.

Demon Flash Bandit (Observing Human Behavior)

I Plan To Order Some Snow!!!

Although I don't pull a sled, my breed is a working breed that was bred for pulling sleds in the frozen north. This means that I LOVE snow and ice. I don't just LOVE it, I L-O-V-E it!!! This is why I am very excited about finding this product on the Internet. It is a powder that makes snow! Yes, you can have snow even in hot months like August with this super wonderful product. The ad does not say if it is cold or not, but an hour or two in a refrigerator or freezer should take care of that problem if it is not already cold. Imagine the wonderful feel of snow on your paws, the fun of getting it on your nose. I am ready to place an order now. I just have to go and get that plastic thing out of my human's purse. For those who love snow as much as I do, here is the address:
http://www.vat19.com/dvds/trailertheater.cfm?productID=851724001893
Of course, it may be on back-order since I plan to buy all they have. It isn't everyday that I find such a "cool" product on the Internet.

I was looking at the Internet news and I ran across this little gem of an article. It is an item for sale on ebay which, according to the seller, is the actor Nicholas Cage, when he was alive during the U.S. Civil War. Here is the article for those who want to see it for themselves.
http://blog.moviefone.com/2011/09/16/nicolas-cage-19th-century-photo-ebay/
He is asking a large sum for the photo, but I wouldn't buy it. I have noticed that humans, very much like dogs, have other humans who look a lot like them. I think it was probably someone who just had a resemblance to Cage, but not the Cage living today. However, you can't blame the seller for hoping that some idiot will buy the photo and pay him the price he is seeking. If an art museum can sell invisible art (which I have covered in a previous blog), why not a photo of someone who looked like Nicholas Cage who lived a long time ago. It might even be an ancestor which could explain the resemblance--or would that be too sane for the seller?

Demon Flash Bandit

Why Many Dogs Hate Cats

Today I am going to share the fairy tale of Cinderella.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful and well behaved Siberian Husky named Cinderella. Cinderella's mom died and her father re-married a horrible grouch of a cat named Gertrude. Getrude had 2 ugly cat daughters and because Cinderella was not her daughter and also a dog, she always made Cinderella do all the work. Her and her daughters sat around the house purring and smoking catnip (yeah, you know they had to be druggies). Anyway, poor Cinderella spent much of her time wishing for a better life.

One day the handsome Prince in Dogrealmia needed to find a bride so his parents would quit bugging him about getting married and providing an heir. He decided to throw a ball, and all the young creatures in the land were so excited at the possibility that they might become the Queen. Obviously, these are people who didn't know that the English royal family traditionally serve fruit cake at their wedding. The fruit cake alone would cause most women to cancel the wedding. There are fruit cakes in the United States that have been in families for generations as Christmas gifts that no one eats or wants to open under the tree. They do make great gifts fo the relatives you don't like though. Anyway, Cinderella was not allowed to go to the ball, but her fairy godmother showed up and made sure she got to go.

The ball was so exciting. The Prince was on his throne, and he had a basket of balls and he threw them out to the audience. Whichever girl was lucky enough to get the golden ball would be his Queen. Of course, Cinderella was the lucky dog who got the gold ball, and the Prince fell madly in love with her at first sight. The ugly stepmother cat and her two ugly daughters were mad, but Cinderella did not have them killed.....she just had them and all other cats banished from the kingdom. This is why many dogs still hate cats to this day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating the Story of Cinderella)

Dinner With the Royals,and Kate Wearing a Napkin Hat

Last week I was invited to have dinner with the royal family in Great Britain, and I know that my readers will want to know how it really is to have dinner with the royal family so I am using this blog to share the experience with all of you. I hope this will make all of you feel like you are vicariously enjoying a royal dinner. To make it easier to read, I will put it in script form.

INSIDE THE CASTLE DINING ROOM....DINNER TIME....THE MENU......COWHEART BURGERS...

Queen Lady: I do hope the food is up to everyone's culinary taste.
Prince Charles: Yes, Mom, the cow heart burgers are extra tasty today.
Queen Lady: That is because I ordered them from extra contented cows.
Prince Charles: Bravo, Mom....once again.... a culinary masterpiece. I do hope we have fruitcake for dessert.
Queen Lady: Why of course, we are having fruit cake for dessert. This is a royal meal, is it not?
KATE IS PUTTING A NAPKIN ON HER HEAD
Queen Lady: Kate, must you always experiment with dinner as a hat. You know that the ketchup you tried last week didn't work out, and when you tried to use the tablecloth, you knocked everything off the table. I told you that your next fashion item will be to make a dress out of that burlap bag I told the servants to leave in your room. We just bought stock in a burlap company, and we need to sell a lot of burlap.
Kate: Can't I ever have any fun? Can I at least try the plate as a hat?
Prince Charles: I love your hat choices, and I know you like to try new things, but you really should sit back and eat your cow burger like the rest of us.
Queen Lady: Demon Flash Bandit, what do you think of the napkin as a hat?
Demon Flash Bandit: I think she should use the cow burger as a hat then at least I wouldn't have to eat mine. Of course, I'm not going to eat it anyway.
Queen Lady: Did we serve something stupid again Demon Flash Bandit?
Demon Flash Bandit: Yes, you did. Don't you know how to order good food?
Queen Lady: What is good food?

That was my dinner with the royal family. Yes, truly a riveting occasion. There was actually a person in the corner of the room putting rivets in something. After reading this, I'm sure that most of you will realize that eating dinner with the royal family is not a fun event. I think their menu would be improved if they served dog food.

Demon Flash Bandit (Covering the Royal Dinner)

Captain Demon Flash Bandit's Log-9/14/11

Captain Demon Flash Bandit's Log, Sept. 14, 2011

I was chosen once again by Star Fleet Dogster.com to be a log pick (diary pick) today. I suspect this is because of my vast experience flying around space taking care of the bad aliens. Just the other day, I found a planet full of fleas and I got out the Raid torpedo and killed them dead. I prefer killing them dead because killing them alive would mean that they are still around to pester a dog. I'm not the one that came up with the idea of killing them dead, but that was thanks to the ad agency that did the commercials for Raid. Yeah, I thought it was kind of redundant too, but who am I to complain about a company who gets rid of bugs? I'm just glad I got to those fleas before they reached the dog star. The dogs there do not like fleas anymore than us dogs on Earth like them.

We have a new science officer on board the ship. At least I think the new dog is the science officer because he is a lab. Yeah, I bet you didn't see that one coming. In fact, we even have a ship bouncer. He is the one who goes around telling the barking dogs that if they don't quit barking, he will pull the ship over and we will sit and wait until they quiet down. The chihuahuas hate him because they love to bark, but he likes quiet. A cat slipped on board and we put the cat in the brig. I personally don't mind cats, but some of the dogs hate them. He will be given his freedom when we get back to Earth.

That is it for today. This is Captain Demon Flash Bandit...soon to be Admiral Demon Flash Bandit signing off before going where no dog has gone before!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Starship Captain)

Lions, Tigers, and Gummy Bears!

Today I am writing about bears. There are several different bear species, and they tend to be big and ferocious which makes me wonder why the humans like to have stuffed ones as children's toys. However, there is one bear that is not ferocious at all. In fact, that bear lives in fear of being eaten by the humans. That bear is the giant gummy bear. I would not mind meeting up with this bear anytime because he would be sweet and tasty! For more information on how you can get your paws on this fascinating bear, go to this website:
http://www.vat19.com/dvds/trailertheater.cfm?productID=worlds-largest-gummy-bear
I've heard that he is good to the last bite!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing I Had a Giant Gummy Bear in My Paws)

Cowboys and Aliens

Yesterday I attended the movie, Cowboys and Aliens, as a movie reviewer for my brother's website, www.silverscreenhub.com. I liked the movie and was particularly impressed with the casting because there was a dog in a prominent role in the film. As usual, the dog does not get the proper credit for his (in my opinion) Oscar calibre performance.

There were some previews before the movie and it is those that I want to discuss. One was for the movie, Shark Week 3D which is already playing in theatres. I thought this was one of the dumbest movie trailers that I have seen in a long time. A group of young humans get to go on a trip to an island which promises to be loads of fun. However, that fun is shattered when a shark showed up to harass the youngsters. I can tell you that the reason it stars humans and not dogs is that the humans are idiots! If it were a group of dogs, when the first dog was attacked, then the rest of them would stay out of the water. Of course, the humans have no brains so they are still hanging out in the water waiting for the shark to eat them. I can understand if they were dealing with one of the land sharks from the old Saturday Night Live television program. Those land sharks on there were tricky. They used to come to the door and say they had a candy gram knowing that the humans can't resist candy!!!

The other movie is based on the best selling book by Demon Flash Bandit with a screenplay by Demon Flash Bandit, and that movie is Contagion. Okay, I really didn't write it and my humans have no plans to go and see it, but the virus is the bird flu so it is something that I might have written had not some human beat me to it. I don't plan to see it since I don't think that, even after the birds are clearly at fault, the film just doesn't seem so interesting.

I hope you had a nice weekend, and I'll be back tomorrow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Humans Can Learn a Lot From Dogs!

Sadly, we dogs do not have the lifespan of most of the humans, but it does have one advantage in that we don't have to face as many tragedys in our lives because of it. The terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City happened before I was born, but my humans remember it. They were not directly affected since they don't live near NYC and didn't personally know anyone that was hurt or killed, but the event still made them sad. Mommy told me she was driving to the local hospital about 10 minutes from our house to pick up my brother who had to have a CAT scan that morning. (I have no idea why hospitals allow cats to be part of their testing process.) I never met that brother because he died before I was born. which is one reason I am such an important part of the family. I am the dog they got to help them feel better when he had to leave. This brings me to an important point about the humans. It seems to me that much of the problems in the world are created by other humans because they don't seem to understand that the reason they are put here in this world is to learn to love and care about each other. Think about it: what really lasts in this world? If you abandon a city, it won't be long until it is grown over with plants again. What is really important? Many of the humans will answer money--most of it is actually paper and just how valuable is paper? If you have gold, other than it being shiny and making nice jewelry, no dog would give up a milkbone in favor of having a bar of gold. Perhaps if the humans thought more like dogs, the world would be a better place which is why I wrote this blog today. The humans can learn a lot from us dogs. If we do fight with each other, at least it is usually over something sensible like food or water and not because we like something that shines....and the humans think they are so smart! I might add that I have never heard of a dog not liking another dog because of the color of its fur. Yes, humans are not nearly as smart as us dogs!

Fringe and Texas Firefighters

Mommy and myself have been watching the first season of the television show, Fringe, and we both approve ot it. However, there was one episode where the show had a giant rhino (common cold) virus or whatever...it was a disgusting worm looking creature starring in the episode. It was killing some of the humans. If they ever decide to make a giant flea or bird, then I won't be watching it anymore. There are limits to the horror I am willing to watch on television.

In the news, I read that Texas, which is having wild fires also has firefighters who are expected to buy much of their own stuff to fight the fire. I'm going to venture a guess as to how popular that job is going to be in the future. I can just see the ads....Wanted: person who is willing to risk your life in a fire....pay isn't enough and you have to buy much of your own equipment. I think the governor of Texas should be ashamed of himself. I bet he isn't taking any pay cuts. He needs his pay so he can run for President and do the same kinds of stupid things to the entire nation. Have you ever noticed that the politicians who want to cut everything the most never seem to want to cut their own salaries? I would think that the sensible place to cut costs would be at the top. I've said it many times, and I'll say it again...dogs should be running the world instead of the humans!

I do hope that all my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (I've Got to Get Back to Watching Fringe)

Fire the Person Who Brought About Power Outage!

Electrical power has been cut off to many people living in the southwest United States. The states affected are New Mexico, Arizona, and California. According to news reports, one person's mistake is responsible for the power outage. Normally, I'm an easy-going dog who understands that anyone can make a mistake. However, in this situation, I think they should find the culprit and fire that person as quickly as possible. There is a good reason for my being tough this time. Many of the humans can't read my blog when they have no power, and my blog is super important for the humans and dogs to read. In fact, I don't know how the humans will survive for a day or two without my words of wisdom. I hope that the power companies will take this seriously, and that other power companies will learn from their example. Being able to read my blog is super important, and it should have a top priority among the humans. Anyone risking that deserves to be fired. In fact, I'm not even sure they should be allowed to run free. Perhaps they should be locked up in prison where they can't do anymore harm.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Importance of My Blog)

Court Planet Television

When the moon hits your eye Like a big-a pizza pie That's amore. This is the start of a song, but this song makes no sense to this dog so I am re-writing it in a more up-dated fashion. When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie, that's a lawsuit. This brings me to my point for today. When did the mooon start assaulting people and who does one sue when it happens? In this case, do you sue the moon itself which seems useless since the moon has no money. Do you sue the man in the moon since he must be in control? Do you sue the pizzaria for allowing them to hit you with a pizza--or is the whole pizza thing figurative? Do you sue in court here on Earth or is there some court planet where you can take the case. Can you watch it on television like the court shows? I can just see it now.....Judge Yakayak from the planet Zeldoid is the judge for today's case which will be heard right after this message from our sponsor....Moon Mist from the nice humans at Faygo. It tastes like mists from the moon. Then of course, someone will be writing a newspaper article asking which moon they are talking about since there are moons on other planets. Wait...the commercial is over...Judge Yahayak is speaking. Hello space people, the case today is about the Moon hitting an Earth person in the eye. The first witness is....Mr. Pepperoni Pizza. Swear him in....Mr. Pizza swears on some moon rocks that he will tell the truth, the entire truth, and nothing but the best ingredients truth. The trial is then interrupted by a riot in which the hungry people in court decide to eat Mr. Pizza. The case is dismissed due to lack of witnesses, and the moon got by with hitting the Earthling in the eye. The whole purpose of this blog is to warn my readers....if the moon starts heading for you, you had better move out of the way. No one wants to get hit in the eye like a big pizza pie. I know....I sent out a survey, and only 10% like to be hit in the eye like that. The other 90% want the moon to mind its own business.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About the Moon)

Lookout Moon Pies: A Tasty Snack!

Yesterday I wrote a blog about Dominos plans to open a pizza restaurant on the moon. Today I want to write about a product that is years ahead of Dominos. That product is the moon pie. Since they are made on Earth, you don't have to travel to the moon to buy one! Almost 100 years ago, the Chattanooga Bakery Company in Chattanooga, Tennessee started producing the Moon Pie as a tasty snack-a snack that has this dog's paw of approval. I know the company probably doesn't want to admit it, but I suspect that moon pies are the product of help by friendly "moon people" who probably slipped the recipe to the humans when they visited Earth on their shaceship. My humans won't give me the chocolate ones (it is aconspiracy among humans to keep dogs out of their chocolate stash), but I can have the vanilla ones and the banana ones. They have some new flavors which I am anxious to try also. Lookout Moon Pies (I'm assuming the Lookout is for Lookout Mountain which is in Chattanooga) are even on store shelves here in Michigan. I would encourage my readers to buy themselves some moon pies and enjoy a product that is out of this world. If your store doesn't have them. you can check out their site at:
http://www.moonpie.com/
Chattanooga is a nice place to visit. I have been there with my humans. If you happen to be in the area, in addition to eating some moonpies, be sure and visit the Aquarium. I didn't get to go there, but my humans said it is nice. The Aquarium doesn't allow dogs!!! Yeah, I know it isn't fair, but humans are stupid!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Space Food: Moon Pies)

Demon Flash Bandit

No Tax on "Moon Based" Businesses

Dominos Pizza has plans to open the first restaurant on the moon. Personally, I don't think this is a wise business move since no one lives on the moon so who is going to patronize the restaurant? However, it would make perfect sense if there were aliens or indigenous moon people living there. They could inhabit the side of the moon that you can't see from Earth, and no one would know except maybe the astronauts which might explain why they quit going to the moon. Maybe they met a bunch of annoying aliens who didn't act friendly? Of course, I will assume that they quit going because it cost a lot of money, and there really isn't much going on there. I know the humans don't have a dog's brain power, but I don't think the humans running Dominos would be dumb enough to build a restaurant which would cost a lot of money yet get no business so it does make a dog wonder if there are things going on with the moon that are being kept secret. Perhaps there are aliens on the moon, and they are getting tired of having to come all the way to Earth to pick up their dinner. Perhaps Dominos has done marketing research showing that they are open to having a pizza place open on the moon. If so, then maybe the aliens love pizza as much as most of the humans. If this is true, then I hope the aliens know what they are getting into. First Dominos, then McDonalds, and then before you know it, the moon will have so many businesses on it that it will no longer need the light from the sun to light it up at night--Earth will be able to see all the lights from all the businesses. I suppose there is one advantage to having a business on the moon--since no country seems to have legal control, I have to assume that the "moon" businesses don't have to pay taxes on the profit. I bet that is the real reason Dominos is heading for the moon--it is the newest way for a company to avoid paying tax.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Moon Businesses)

Comparing: PCs and Apples

Today I am going to compare 2 products as a public service to my readers. I am going to compare the regular PC computer to the Apple computer. I happen to use a PC so I am very familiar with the system. I am not a "computer dog" so this will be an evaluation based on ease of use and how I personally feel about each computer. The PC I am using is a windows 7 which is the computer that is after windows 6, but before windows 8. I wanted the dog friendly one I saw advertised earlier this year, but evidently, that was a joke. I will admit that my secretary does most of the work on the computer, but I do play a couple of games on the Internet. Since I am already familiar with the regular PC computer, I really don't need to spend much time on research using it. However, I did get an Apple computer, and use it for several hours to get a feel for the ease of its use. I've heard that it is better for art, but I like to do my art work with my paw and not on the computer so that part didn't really matter to me. I bet all of you are anxious to see my results, and here they are....drum roll please....the PC is better. I found that the apple was very slow on the Internet, and I didn't think the keyboard was particularly user friendly. I tried to be as fair as possible, but I have to admit that I've never found Mcintosh to be particularly tasty--it is too bitter. I personally prefer Royal Gala or Fuji because they are much sweeter. Perhaps if Apple would concentrate on those apple types instead of the Mcintosh, I would be able to give it a better rating. In Apple's favor, it is much cheaper. You can buy them for less than $1.00 a pound so the price does make them tempting. For those of you who already own an Apple, I would suggest that you try to avoid eating it until all your compuer work is done. When you are left with only the core, it no longer works and you will be stuck without a computer. I will admit that PCs do not taste good, and I do not recommend eating them when you are done with your work. I hope this has been helpful for my readers who might be thinking about buying a new computer. It always makes me feel good to be of service to my readers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Comparing Computer Systems)

Invisible Store

Every dog knows that humans do not possess the intelligence of the average dog. However, sometimes even us dogs are shocked at some of the things the humans do. Case in point, there is an art museum for invisible art. Yes, you read correctly---invisible art. I thought the whole purpose of art was to be able to see it, but for the first time in my life, this dog is wrong. In fact, one of the works of invisible art recently sold for $10,000. Of course, it was a human that bought it. You won't see a dog spending that kind of money on invisible art. I can understand a painting with the quality of "Dogs Playing Poker" going for a large price. However, with invisible art, you get a written description of the invisible painting. Since I am the kind of dog who has learned to go along with the humans--it is what keeps the treats and dingo bones coming, I now have opened the Demon Flash Bandit invisible store. I sell art, and all sorts of other things. Just write me and tell me what you want and I'll send you a written description of the item, and I will only charge you 10 times more than the actual item would cost. Maybe the humans are onto something with this idea. I can guarantee you that when I receive the money from the invisible items from my store, I will be buying actual dingo bones. This dog is not interested in invisible dingo bones. I might have to chew them with invisible teeth. If you want to read more about the invisible museum, here is the web address:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/praxis/museum-of-non-visible-art-praxis-and-james-franco
If you happen to get a chance to visit the museum, be sure and say hello to the invisible man. I'm sure he must be the curator of the museum. Who else would be so perfect for the job!
Demon Flash Bandit (Owner of Invisible Store)

The Only Good Chicken is a Cooked Chicken!

I want to start this blog by asking the age old question. Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: to get away from Angel Zoom Smokey, fellow Siberian Husky and lover of chicken. I have a real treat for you today. Many of my readers want to know what the future holds for them. I would suggest you visit this site:
http://www.ruprecht.com/ This is the website of the psychic chicken. I personally would not expect the prediction to be accurate, but that is because a chicken is a member of the bird family and I don't trust birds. However, with that in mind, I can still get great advice from the psychic chicken merely by expecting the opposite of whatever the chicken says will happen. By the way, there are also games on the site. Be sure and tell the chicken that Demon Flash Bandit sent you. I like to keep the birds on their claws.

While on the subject of chickens, I am not a fan of the cartoon chicken character, Foghorn Leghorn. He is always bothering that sweet dog on the cartoon, and he is quite the smart alec. I keep hoping that one day I'll watch the episode where the dog has fried Foghorn Leghorn for dinner! Foghorn Leghorn is not the only cartoon chicken in existence. This site has more:
http://renegadechickens.com/chickens/cartoons.htm
Personally, I like to look at the chickens in the meat department of the grocery store. They are the best chickens--ready for a dog to eat. That is where Foghorn Leghorn should have been instead of annoying the wonderful dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Only Good Chicken is a Cooked Chicken)

Robot Demon Flash Bandit

I was chosen as a diary pick today on www.dogster.com. I told the humans to rent me a limo so I can be driven around in style as a dog of my accomplishments deserves.

The recent royal wedding captured the interest of many of the humans. However, I found a wedding video that is more interesting and I want to share it with my readers.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/02/pekingese-wedding-video-vintage-and-freaky-_n_946430.html
If you go to this site, I think you will agree with me. I enjoyed this wedding much, much better than the royal wedding.

Since I am a Siberian Husky, it just happens that I shed a lot of my fur. Some of the humans complain about this fact, but who cares what they think? Humans complain about just about everything anyway. I happen to be happy that we shed so much. Being a practical dog, I have found a use for all that fur. I am building a robot Demon Flash Bandit. There are times when a robot of dogself can be useful. For example, I like to take naps, and I have a special spot in the living room by the French doors. That area has a slate floor so it is cool, and I can look outside and enjoy the view of the things happening out there. Sometimes, while I'm in the middle of a nice nap, the humans call my name and expect me to come. Of course, many times I don't bother, but if I had a robot dog, I could send it instead. The humans would be happy, and I would not have to be disturbed from my nap. In face, the robot dog is almost finished, and I hate to brag (okay, I love to brag), I did an excellent job building it. I'm going to send it on a practice run to let Angel Zoom Smokey annoy it. That way she won't be bothering me. I am truly a doggy genius!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Genius)

Queen Elizabeth Needs a Gardener

Saturday Night Live did a very funny skit about a man who is calling 911 for help. For those who missed it, go to this address to view the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPKV4Cmw5jg
Since it has a dog in the video, this makes it an excellent video which has the Demon Flash Bandit seal of approval!

According to news reports, there is another river under the Amazon River in South America. Boaters are lining up to rent marina space on that river. It is perfect for the humans who sunburn easily since it is underground and out of the sun.

In other news, the Queen Lady, Queen Elizabeth II needs a gardener for one of her castles. The gardener must know how to garden, and not crack up too much when he sees a funny looking hat (because you know Kate will be visiting on occasion and she loves to wear hats). I was a bit disappointed because, with the royal family having to watch their money, I thought at least one of them might be able to get out and use the riding mower to cut the grass. I guess I was wrong. Evidently, their main job is to be available for photo opportunities and wear silly hats. I'd make a great royal dog. I look good in photos, and I like to take naps. However, I don't like to wear hats!

Demon Flash Bandit (Call me King Demon Flash Bandit)