Thursday, September 22, 2011

Zombie Wedding

I am always watching out for my readers, and today is no exception. I am going to start this blog by sharing a video from youtube. Here is the address:

This video features a zombie wedding. Of course, this is a real concern for all us non-zombies in the world. It is bad enough that zombies run loose, but when they get married and start reproducing like the non-zombies, you know there is going to be trouble eventually. When the little zombies start reaching school age, are the schools going to have to put brains on the menu? Will the little zombies bully the non-zombie children on the playground. These are the kind of questions that have baffled non-zombie philosophers for years. There are no zombie philosophers to worry about it because zombies don't do a lot of thinking. They just mostly walk around looking and sounding stupid. Maybe that is not the politically correct thing to say, but it is the truth. Watch any zombie movie and you'll see what I'm talking about. No one has ever watched a zombie movie and said, "wow, those zombies were geniuses!".

As usual, I have some plans to stop the zombies before they destroy society as we know it. First, they need to provide notarized birth certificates to prove that they aren't illegal aliens. They certainly don't act like regular humans so it is important to check their citizenship status. It can be helpful to have them deported so that they are another government's problem. Additionally, if they are supposed to be dead, which I do believe is their official status, perhaps showing them back to their resting place might help solve the problem. I know I hate it when dead people forget where they are supposed to be. I don't know if you have noticed, but dead people tend to lose all their social skills and get in the way. It is like a shopping trip to Walmart. Okay, I'll admit that the average zombie might be a bit more polite than many of the Walmart shoppers. Sometimes we writers tend to exaggerate in order to get a laugh.

I have some good news for you about the video. I suspect that the wedding is not actually a zombie wedding because I did some extensive research on the video, and the "zombies" are moving much too fast and there are other subtle signs that they are humans acting like zombies. Hopefully, the zombies are not starting to marry or reproduce, but I will be ever vigilent about watching out for any and all new zombie weddings I hear about in the future. Just because this one is fake does not mean that some real ones aren't occurring.

I hope that you don't run into any zombies, but if you do, remember this important fact for survival....they are stupid so act like a zombie yourself and they will leave you alone. Until tomorrow. . . . !

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching For Zombies)

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