Einstein's Theory of Relativity

I hate to admit that this dog was watching a children's show. Yeah, I know I'm much too smart for children's shows, but sometimes they are fun to watch, and I like to be entertained. I was watching Schemer from Shining Times Station. Schemer gave me a great idea. He wanted to look intelligent so he said to look intelligent, you need to carry around a big book by Shakespeare. Since I'm already a genius, it occurred to me that if I carried around a big book by Shakespeare, the humans will think I am even smarter than Einstein, the dog on Back to the Future. Whenever I hear Einstein mentioned, I think of him. He was one highly intelligent dog since even the humans recognize his genius. Of course, even a normal dog is more intelligent than the average human. However, who doesn't appreciate Einstein's theory of relativity? He said if you have a relative, you must spend Christmas and other holidays with them. My humans are so fond of Einstein that they have a stuffed reproduction Einstein in Mommy's bedroom that they purchased at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. On the subject of Back to the Future, you will note that Einstein was the first to travel in time. It as not Marty McFly because he travelled in time later than Einstein. I wonder if Einstein was going back into the future to to have a family reunion with his relatives. Perhaps that is when he came up with the theory of relativity. I am going to go back to watching television. A dog has to spend some time pursuing culture and education by watching television.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Television)

Meatloaf, Onions, and Killer Tomatoes

Meatloaf collapsed on stage in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Onions are threatening to go on strike. I'm surprised the killer tomatoes aren't also in the news since it seems that food is taking over the news today. According to Internet news sources, Meatloaf is in the hospital. I can only assume that meatloaf is so delicious that it now has its own act on stage. However, I think if there is a problem, it would make more sense to send it to a chef and not a hospital. It sounds like a case of food poisoning to me. Mommy just told me that meatloaf is a human and not an actual meatloaf. Why would a human name himself after food? It makes no sense to this dog, but of course, few things the humans do make sense.

Onions have their own news show and they are about to go on strike. I suppose the onions think they aren't getting enough money. I suspect it is really because onions don't get the proper respect they deserve as a vegetable--if they are a vegetable--I'm not really sure what they are.

For those who are worried that the killer tomatoes are back, I have heard nothing about them in the news, but I would be careful because you never know when they are going to go on another killing spree. This is why Hollywood has made so many documentaries about the killer tomatoes. Be on the lookout for large, evil looking tomatoes. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Food News)

Town for Sale

It is not unusual for the humans to decide to sell their houses and move, but there is a place where a dog can buy the entire town. The town of Scenic, South Dakota is for sale, and can be purchased for a mere $799,000. The town includes a saloon, a store, 2 post offices, a dance hall, a museum, etc. For someone who wants an "authentic" western town, this would be a great deal. This dog thinks it would be interesting to own. I can see a lot of potential for the place as a tourist attraction.....and if they are smart enough to get dogs to run the places, I think the humans would be showing up there in droves. For those who are interested in finding out more about the town, the web address is:

http://realestate.msn.com/blogs/listedblogpost.aspx?post=f9af8bbf-80b5-4f2f-ad86-d23f3e7e9c5d&GT1=35006

I told Mommy that I was interested in buying the town since I can always buy a McDonalds franchise and build one there, but Mommy said I have no money in my bank account. Since when did us dogs not have bank accounts started for us when we are puppies? Many of the human puppies have colllege accounts, and all us dogs know how stupid the human puppies are. Quite frankly, the human parents are far more optimistic about their human puppies intelligence than are us dogs. Have you observed the human puppies? I could feed myself and walk around and was ready to "conquer" the world when I was about 6 weeks old. The human puppies hang around and expect their parents to take care of them for years. Most of them don't even learn to walk until they are about a year old. Talk about stupidity. Even birds learn and get pushed out of the nest faster than that. I think this dog is going to have to take financial matters into my own paws, but the only thing that bothers me is that the humans expect you to work for money, and that would seriously interrupt my nap time. I guess I'll have to use my next nap to contemplate this situation and come up with a genius plan for getting money without working. Maybe I'll write the Queen Lady for advice. Her family seems to have plenty of money and they don't show up for work.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Without a Bank Account)

National Chocolate Day!

Today is Milk Chocolate Day so this dog is going to try to steal some milk chocolate from the humans. I think the humans have only said that chocolate is bad for dogs so they can hoard it all for themselves. Hey humans, bacon is bad for you and should only be served to dogs. Let's see how they like not getting bacon. Seriously, who decides what is good or bad for a dog? I bet it is those sneaky veterinarians who are always trying to give a dog a shot. Sure, they say it is to prevent a dog from getting something bad, but I think they are just mean jerks who want to put a needle in a dog. I say let them get some fabric and use those needles where they belong--in sewing. Knowing them, they would probably make doggy clothes to further annoy us dogs--at least those of us who don't want to wear clothing!

I am going to report a news story from Capshaw, Alabama. A woman stopped her car, a Mercedes because she saw a goat and a dog on the highway and didn't want them to get hit by a car. The goat jumped on her car and refused to get down. The police were called and they put the goat into the back of the police car, and the dog jumped in with the goat. Talk about friendship. The dog didn't want the goat to be arrested alone! Once again, dogs make great pals.
Remember to come to my blog where you can find the important news stories.

Demon Flash Bandit (National Chocolate Day)

Birds Must Be Stopped!!!!

I just read that humans (probably scientists) have concluded that there is no Loch Ness monster. I can only assume that "Nessie" was on vacation when they looked for her. For those who read my recent blog, Sea Monster in Alaska, written on July 20, 2011, I blogged about the sea monster that has been spotted in Bristol Bay, Alaska. My theory talks about the possibility of Nessie being in Alaska on vacation. Most of the humans enjoy vacations. Do they not think a sea monster wants to get away from time to time? I love to take vacations myself so I think it is something that is very common for everyone in the animal, sea monster kingdoms. Pay no attention to the "news" you read on the Internet unless it is written by Demon Flash Bandit, because I am the only one who reports the real news.

Now for some sobering news that I hate to have to write about, but it needs to be said. Some of the humans in the United States and its allies have been worried about terrorist attacks. Normally, I don't cover news of this sort since basically, I think most humans are good, and I like to concentrate more on the good things in the world. However, since I do speak fluent bird, and birds are evil, I feel it is important for me to keep the world aware of their treachery. The birds are now fortifying their birdseed with plutonium, and those white bombs they drop are going to become far more deadly than they already are. I feel it is my duty to warn all dogs and humans to be on the lookout for birds and their evil bird bombs of poop. I personally plan to do my best to stop the birds and thwart their evil plans. I would suggest that other dogs follow my lead and fire up the grill and cook these little monsters before they can take over the world. In fact, I suspect that is where the fire breathing dragons in the past came from--birds that ate stuff that would turn their breath into a weapon. I only hope that my warnings have alerted enough people so that the birds can be stopped. Their singing fools so many of the humans who think they are harmless little songbirds instead of evil creatures with an agenda to take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Must Be Stopped)

Destination: Spam Museum!

• In the summertime, a dog's thoughts turn to where the family should go on vacation. Thanks to a Minnesota travel guide, I have found a perfect destination for both humans and dogs. That place is the Spam Museum. As you can deduce from the name, it is a museum dedicated to spam. The best thing about the museum is that the admission is free. I can't think of a better place to spend a vacation than the Spam Museum. How often can you combine culture and food in one museum? Sure, you can go to the Metropolitan Museum instead, but I doubt that any of their exhibits are as interesting to a dog as the exhibits in the Spam Museum. In fact, I doubt that the Metropolitan has any of the series of paintings of dogs playing poker which are the best paintings ever done. Most museums want them, but can't afford such magnificent works of art. They don't even have my painting, What Dogs Mean to the Earth. This was posted on my blog on July 12, 2011 under the title, Demon Flash Bandit: Artist.



• The Spam Museum is located in Austin, Minnesota with 16,500 square feet of Spam. Admission to the museum is free so you might want to visit more than once. I'm sure some of the dogs will want to spend more than one day there. I bet there is even spam in the gift shop for sale. If you ask this dog, there is nothing better than a souvenir that can be eaten when you are hungry!

Demon Flash Bandit (Vacation Destination-Spam Museum)

Super Dooper Dog

I shouldn't divulge this information on the Internet, but I know I can trust my readers to keep it quiet. Demon Flash Bandit is actually my secret identity. I am actually Super Dooper Dog. Yes, I'm not just Super Dog, companion of Superman, I have the added Dooper which means I am even more super than Super Dog. For those who have been keeping up with the news, the United States Congress is having some problems coming to an agreement on the budget (what budget?). I have been reading about it, and I realized that this was a problem that could only be solved by Super Dooper Dog. I know taxes are lousy to pay, but I think the billionaires and the oil companies can afford to pay what the regular working people pay in taxes. I also think that the spending can be cut without causing that much of a problem. They can start by cutting corporate welfare. I also think that any funding for birds should be cut. They are evil and I hate them getting checks for birdseed. I also think that dogs should be allowed to be declared as dependents on the humans taxes. McDonalds does not give out those burgers free just because you are a dog. I'm not really that worried about Congress reaching an agreement. I think they will come to a last minute agreement because, the whole bunch has to worry about being reelected. They are playing "chicken". I think the humans should have more sense than to play a game named after a bird, but I'm not a human. The humans, as everyone knows are descendants of monkeys, and the monkeys aren't nearly as smart as us dogs!

Onto a more important subject. I have a gorgeous tail. I know I probably have written about it before and it goes without saying, but my tail is gorgeous. I'm thinking of having photos made of it to hang around the house so the humans can enjoy looking at my tail even if I'm not in the room with them. In fact, looking at my tail makes me happy so perhaps I could market photos of it so the humans who tend to be depressed will have something to make them happy without having to resort to anti-depressants. It makes me feel good to help the humans who have such problems with being happy. If you give a dog some tasty food (preferably human food), a comfortable place to nap, and some tummy rubs, we are happy. The humans could learn a lot from us!

Demon Flash Bandit (Super Dooper Dog)

I'll Miss Borders

I was just listening to the news and there was a business commentator who was explaining some of the reasons for Borders having to go out of business. He cited competition from Amazon.com, among other things. Evidently, Borders, according to this commentator, did not embrace innovation and was outdone by their competitors. Although I'm no expert on these matters, I think there is a more fundamental reason they went out of business. My guess would be the primary reason is that no one really needed to BUY books there. They provided comfortable chairs and the "customers" could sit and read the books while there very much like they were at a library except that many libraries aren't as nice. I've been to the store in Ann Arbor, MI where they had tables and chairs so that the local college students could do their research more comfortably. Ann Arbor has several colleges including the University of Michigan in the area. When Mommy was young, drug stores used to carry comic books, and if a kid decided to hang around the comic book area and read the comics, they were told to buy the book or put it down. I'm not saying that letting people look through a book to see if it is what they want to read is a bad idea nor am I saying that it is bad to make your customers feel comfortable--all are good things. However, when someone sits there for hours reading and then walks out of the store without buying anything, that person is technically not a customer. I'm sorry to see Borders close, and I will miss their stores. This dog likes to read, and I enjoy being able to go to a nice store and enjoy the shopping experience. However, I do think that Borders could still be in business if they just quit letting all the humans read the books without paying for them. Perhaps they would have went under anyway, and that commentator may have been right about what he said, but I still don't think letting so many of the humans use their product without paying helped their bottom line. It also proves my point that companies should be run by dogs. A dog would have walked over and growled at a human who is reading the entire book without paying for it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Business Commentator)

Career Planning

Since I'm a Siberian Husky, I was bred to pull the humans and/or their equipment on sleds. This is a very important job if you live in an area where there is lots of snow, and vehicles have problems getting around. Personally, I have never pulled a sled, and I think that riding in the car is cool so I don't think I'm missing anything by not doing that job. In fact, I have another career watching out for my humans (heaven knows they don't have enough sense to watch out for themselves), working on my blog, my diary on dogster.com, and my blogs on http://www.silverscreenhub.com/ . I also try to herd my humans into their proper spot in the house so I can nap. That might sound like an easy job, but it is not. The humans tend to be uncooperative. For example, yesterday, my human brother took off with his friend instead of staying home with me. He didn't even ask my permission to go!!! I think that was very rude behavior. Anyway, other dogs have been bred for certain jobs too. Border collies and German Shepherds herd cattle and sheep. Pointers, labradors, retreivers, etc. were bred for hunting. Shih Tzus and Pomeranians were bred to be cute. Chihuahuas were bred to bark all the time. However, some dogs, like myself do not need to do the jobs we were bred to do so that is why I have other jobs that I do. This means that many of us dogs have to choose a career when we are a puppy. I know this is a tough decision. Whether to go on to college, just finish high school or even drop out of high school....these are all very big decisions. I thought I would do some research and make a suggestion based on my interviews with many differing dogs and their careers to see which career seemed best suited for the average dog and which they enjoyed the most. The paws down favorite was working on a garbage truck. Whether you are lucky enough to drive the truck or you happen to be the dog hanging by your paws on the back of the truck, it is a favorite among the dogs I interviewed. Of course, it does take a bit longer for them to do a garbage route than the humans because they have to stop and inspect each garbage bag. This is one reason it is such a cool job for a dog. You would not believe the goodies thrown away by the humans...left over food that is still delicious, bones, and even fun things that can be easily recycled into dog toys. I know many dogs who enjoy the "perks" of the job. One of my doggy pals, Hank* works on a garbage truck and he is one dog who really loves his job. He also benefits from the perks of the job. He has his wife follow his truck and at each stop, he loads the good stuff in her pickup truck. He keeps some of the garbage and his wife puts the rest on ebay. He has an ebay store called Dog's Pick of the Garbage, which is highly popular among us dogs. I myself have purchased many things from their store. Hank is a power seller, and has rave reviews from his buyers. I'll share one with you, and, keep in mind, this is a typical feedback for Hank. "Loved the Kleenex...they had the most interesting snot on them....A+++++ seller". As you can see, Hank has done well for himself, and the garbage truck job did not require a college education. Meanwhile, another dog, Jack*, chose to become a doctor. Did you know that Hank has managed to make just as much money as Jack because those perks really add up? If you are reading this and trying to make a career decision, I highly recommend the garbage truck job. If I didn't already have so much to do, I'd think about applying for that job myself.

*The names have been changed to protect the individual dog's privacy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Garbage is Fun)

Happy 75th Birthday to the Weinermobile!

Milo Kunis has admitted to having a butt double in her latest acting job. This is why I feel it is so important for me to let everyone know that when you see Demon Flash Bandit's butt, that is my actual butt. I know my readers might be wondering since I have a stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman. I only use him for important stunts like wearing doggy clothing. If you see a doggy butt and the dog is wearing clothing, it would be Phantom, but if the dog is wearing only his fur, then it is me....all me. I might add that I don't like to brag, but I think my curly tail is adorable!
I've received many compliments on it from the humans, and it is nice to know that my beautiful butt is appreciated. I would never wear clothing over my butt because it is just too adorable!

Now that I've put your mind at ease about the butt stunt double, it is time to move onto a more important suject. Happy 75th Birthday to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile!!!!! I have blogged about the weinermobile in previous blogs, and it is one super cool car. A human is being given credit for coming up with the idea of the weinermobile, but I'm not believing it. The weinermobile had to be the brilliant idea of a dog. I've got to go now. I am working on plans for a new car--a hamburgermobile for McDonalds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Weinermobile is a Cool Car)

Problems Are Not Lucky!!!

Perhaps you, like I, have noticed that the world is full of problems. Those problems are very annoying to those who have to deal with them. I think that it is good to be optimistic., There are humans who, when faced with problems, say encouraging things like, a problem is an opportunity in disguise. While it is true that some people have made a fortune solving problems experienced by the majority of people, I have decided that attitude is very annoying for most people and dogs. Therefore, I have decided that those people need to be lined up and shot. Normally, I do not like guns nor do I think they solve many problems, but shooting those overly optimistic humans whose happy attitudes make us normal dogs want to strangle them is okay. I am looking for a gun that can be operated without a thumb so that a dog can shoot whatever human says anything that stupid. These are the kind of idiot humans who, when a dog at a shelter faces euthanasia because he doesn't have anyone to adopt him say things like, "he is in a better place". Sure, crossing the rainbow bridge does put a dog in a better place, but that does not mean that a young, healthy dog wants to go there immediately because the humans don't have enough sense to know they need a dog! By the way, I don't want to kill the humans...just wound them. It should make them very happy because the wound would constitute a problem which they can solve. They might even come up with a better bandage. What lucky humans-to be able to turn a problem into a solution....what a lucky opportunity!

Demon Flash Bandit (Problems Aren't Lucky)

Sea Monster in Alaska!

As a dog who enjoys a colder climate, I think Alaska is one of the few places in the United States that is an utter paradise for a Siberian Husky like myself. However, today I discovered that there is possibly a sea monster at Bristol Bay in Alaska. The sea monster is named Cadgorosaurus Willsi or nicknamed Caddy. There are videos of the sea monster, and he could be a relative of the Loch Ness monster, or maybe he is the Loch Ness monster vacationing in Alaska. If so, I wonder how he travels to Alaska.....does he take a cruise ship, does he fly, or does he swim? I wonder if he books the trip through a travel agency or takes his chances and does it himself. Does he return to the same place every year like the salmon and penguins or does he like to travel to different locations? I wish I could answer these questions for my readers, but despite my superior dog intelligence, I do not know. Yeah, I know it is hard to believe that there are facts that a genius dog such as myself does not know, but there is a first time for everything.

There is one thing that does concern me. I would like to meet Caddy one day, but being in Alaska can be dangerous because Sarah Palin lives there and she likes to shoot at anything that moves so I am concerned that Caddy might be in danger. Imagine how awful it would be if he were hanging on her wall as a decoration before I get the chance to meet him. I am hoping that he visits Alaska or, if he lives there, only hangs out when she isn't there. Having her there is just too dangerous for a sea monster.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Caddy)

Are Dragons Birds?

It is hot here, and it reminds me of the evil treachery of the birds. They steal the snow and make it hot, and they are the ones causing global warming. Yet, they fly around acting innocent. They aren't fooling this dog. I can speak bird. It is important to learn to speak the language of your enemies! This brings up a topic which I have been wondering about a lot. I have never met a dragon, and I assume that they are extinct, but many cultures have talked about them so I'm assuming they aren't mythical characters. Anyway, they had wings and could fly. Does this make them members of the bird family? Personally, I'm glad they are extinct since this dog does not want to meet up with a fire breathing bird. The non fire breathing birds are annoying enough for me.
I am also wondering why there is no bacon delivery service for dogs. I am in the mood for some tasty bacon, and there is no restaurant that will deliver bacon. Sure, you can get a pizza delivered and it can have bacon on it, but I don't want a pizza. I just want the bacon. It is tasty and delicious and a dog enjoys bacon! Also, Oscar Meyer has a hotdogmobile, but no one has ever built a baconmobile. If a car looked like bacon, I bet every dog in the vicinity of that car would be following it. I don't think a dog could resist chasing said car.
I hope my readers are staying cool.
Demon Flash Bandit (Are Dragons Birds?)

Hank the Cow Dog and Journey of the Shih Tzu

I've got some fantastic news for my readers. There is a book series out about Hank the Cow Dog which were written by John R. Erickson and Gerald L. Holmes. I had never heard of Hank the Cow Dog until today, but now I have to order his books. A book about a dog has to be a winner! For those of my readers who might be interested in the books, they can be purchased on amazon and here is the address:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Hank+the+Cowdog&x=21&y=17
I'm sure I will enjoy these books.

Speaking of cool dog books, my pal, Raja, has published a book called The Journey of the Shih Tzu. It can be purchased from Raja's blog, http://www.traveldogbooks.com/. It can also be purchased on amazon.com. If you decide to purchase it and you do it from Raja's blog, be sure and tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you. Raja is not only my friend, but my photo is in Raja's book and who wouldn't want to have my photo to enjoy? My human said I'm not supposed to say stuff like that, but I'm a dog, and a dog speaks the truth.

I went to McDonalds yesterday and got dinner--2 McDoubles, and they were so nice they gave me little tiny dog biscuits which I love. I am such a dainty small dog that the big bones are hard for me to eat. Yeah, that is kind of a joke since I'm actually a medium size dog and the humans say I have "gator teeth", but I still love those tiny little bones. They make a dog feel like a puppy again, and felling like a puppy is nice.

Demon Flash Bandit (Intellectual Book Owner)

Gorilla Glue: Good Job Gorillas!

My human bought some gorilla glue, and this dog was skeptical at first. I didn't think a glue made by gorillas would be a good glue to use. We all know about gorillas. I assumed they would be on the glue assembly line throwing their poop at each other. However, I have to admit that I, the great Demon Flash Bandit, was wrong about this glue. It is actually a very good product, and it holds things together better than other glues on the market. Who would have thought that the less evolved cousin of the humans could make something so good? I was also amazed to see that the stores expect you to pay cash for it which is probably easier than translating the cost into bananas. I've heard that monkeys don't really like bananas, but I don't understand this. Bananas are sweet and tasty, and if you drop the peel and someone falls on it, you have the classic falling on a banana peel joke. Most foods don't ever reach that level of tastiness and fun. This is an important blog for all my fellow dogs because, if you happen to break anything in the house, use gorilla glue to fix it so the humans won't know it was ever broken.

I have to admit that all my knowledge of gorillas is not first hand. I've never met an actual gorilla. We dogs aren't allowed in most zoos, and judging from the animals who would like to eat a dog, it probably is not a bad idea that we aren't allowed. I wouldn't want to go to the zoo to be some lion or bear's dinner! I am wondering how the gorillas got started in business. Did Magilla Gorilla use the vast fortune he made from the cartoons he did in the 1960's to invest in a glue factory? Is he the CEO of gorilla glue. I can understand why he would want that kind of security. In the cartoon, he was for sale at the pet store, and maybe that made him feel insecure since anytime a human bought him, he was always brought back. That has got to hurt a gorillas ego considerably. Anyway, I'm glad that the gorillas are doing so well, and have such a good product. The next time you go to the zoo, be extra nice to the gorillas. You might need a job one day and they might be hiring.

I am surprised that there is no Doggy Glue. I guess us dogs have used our vast intelligence on other projects. I guess you have to let the other animals excel in some fields too. A dog can't hog all the limelight!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Gorilla Glue)

Perfect Hat for Duchess Kate

I have written several times in the past about Duchess Kate's fascination with what I think are very silly looking hats. I might add that this is hard for me to understand because I really don't enjoy wearing hats. I will wear them on occasion when the humans want to take a photo and I happen to be in a particularly obliging mood, but for the most part, I do not wear hats. However, I have done some research and I have found the perfect hat for Kate to wear anywhere and everywhere. That hat is available on the Internet, and Kate can order one and get next day delivery which I think she can afford to pay extra for in order to get this cool hat and start wearing it as soon as possible. This is the web address:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=beer+hats&x=12&y=15 As you can see, she can order several in different colors so she will have hats to go with any color outfit she chooses to wear. This hat is not only fashionable, but practical as well which is something that can't be said for a lot of hats. Let's say that it is a hot day and Kate is thirsty. Does she have to find someone to give her a drink? No, she does not-she merely sticks the hat's straw in her mouth, and she is no longer thirsty. I'm surprised more humans aren't wearing these delightfully practical hats. I wouldn't mind having one myself, but mine would have Bowser beer. Bowser beer is beer made for dogs. I hope that Kate will order herself one of these cool hats today. She continues to look silly when she chooses the hats she likes. She needs a dog like me to tell her how to dress properly!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Consultant to Royalty)

Mad Men Over Cars 2

I went to see Cars 2 yesterday, and I'm sure everyone is waiting to see what a dog thinks of the movie. I did not think it was as good as the first one, but it was still an enjoyable movie. I do think that the lack of dogs does not help this movie, but it also had a lack of humans, which of course, did not do it any harm. The television show, Mad Men, is up for a bunch of Emmys. Is there an Emmy for the show with the most people smoking cigarettes on a television show? That is about the only Emmy this dog would give that show. Mommy bought the first season, and has not bothered to watch any more of it. I watched it with her and the first season was torture enough. At least the show proves that life in that time period was not as good as so many people seem to remember. One interesting fact about the humans is that they tend to remember the good things and not the bad things about the past. Believe me, I've heard humans who lived during the 1930's and 40's say that they were the "good old days". If you like soup lines, no money to live on, and a war, I guess those were your good old days, but most of us do not enjoy times like that. My guess is that what those people really miss if their puppyhood. It is someimes hard to grow up and be a big dog. However, I am still trying to understand why Mad Men would receive so many Emmy nominations. That is one reason Mommy bought it in the first place, and now she says she won't consider Emmys won when deciding which television shows to watch. I think that is a wise decision. I do want to say that when the family dog reached up and grabbed the neighbor's bird and the neighbor threatened to kill the dog, I like how the Mom handled that situation. Kudos for good writing for that part of the show.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Entertainment)

Demon Flash Bandit: Artist!

I have a real treat for my readers today. I was fortunate enough to spend a bit of time in the Modern Art section of the Detroit Institute of Arts. This visit made me realize that I too can be an artist. I came home and immediately made a masterpiece with my own paws. I am calling it "What Dogs Mean to the Earth". I used the circle to represent the Earth. Sure, some of my dog pals told me that it is square, but I think the circle looks nicer and the humans seem to think it is circular and this painting is for them. The paw represents the paw prints that dogs leave behind on the planet. Whenever I see a dog paw print, I know that the world where that dog walked is a better place for having had a paw touch down there. The many colors represent the colors a dog adds to all the humans lives. Without us dogs, their world would be like a black and white colorless television. They would live sad, solitary existences with only other humans to keep them company, and that would be tragic!

To think that I might have never realized what artistic talent I possess had it not been for attending the art museum. I'll admit my painting is no "dogs playing poker", but that painting is not modern art. Modern art is art that often looks like it was done by someone in kindergarten, but it has a intellectual explanation that makes the artist look super intelligent which is why it is worth so much. Of course, if you buy a painting done by an intelligent artist, that makes the buyer look intelligent too. The wealthy humans like to buy paintings that may look like garbage, but that show they are super intelligent. You'd think they would just hang up their bank books since many of the humans seem to think that intelligence and money go together. I don't think they do because, from what I have read on the news, some of the humans running companies and making lots of money are complete idiots. Of course, I'm quite sure they are blissfully unaware of their stupidity.

I'm sure many of my readers are going to be asking me if they can buy a copy of my painting. At present, I have no plans to sell them. I have one original and I am giving that to my humans so they can hang it on the wall and make the house look better. It is my contribution to the betterment of mankind. However, if you want to copy my painting, just let me know and I'll give you permission since I like to make humans happy. Just let me know that you are enjoying it. My address is:

demonflashbandit@gmail.com I like to know that the humans enjoy my talent. Who knows? I might even get out some paints and make another masterpiece that I share with my readers as long as my readers enjoy my masterpiece.

Demon Flash Bandit (Artist)

Eight is Too Many and a Dozen is Only for Doughnuts

There were some problems on a recent flight to Los Angeles, California. It turns out that Nadya Suleman (aka Octomom) and Kristen Johnston (actress from Third Rock from the Sun) were on board the same airplane. Suleman had her 12 kids including 8 2 year olds in business class and Johnston was in first class. As anyone who has ever been around a 2 year old would know, they can be very noisy at times, and having that multiplied by 8 can get on adult's nerves very quickly. It can even get on a dog's nerves, and most dogs like children. Johnston asked her to quiet the children and Suleman asked her to help. Eventually, Johnston got off the airplane and did not return. It seems that the airlines are thinking of banning babies from first class, and although it seems a bit mean, I bet incidents like this do not help the babies cause. In addition, Suleman had to insult Johnston. Her big excuse: "I didn't know she was a celebrity." Does it really matter whether she was a celebrity? Suleman has done nothing to make her a celebrity except to have too many children at once. Any idiot can do that. I am very sympathetic to dealing with children. My own human Mommy had 3 sons who are grown now, but too many parents do not want to watch their own children, and some of them can really cause a lot of problems for those around them. Normally, I do not care how many children a person chooses to have, but obviously, 8 children at a time is too many for anyone to deal with which is why Mother Nature does not allow that many children. However, when the human fertility doctors think they know better than Mother Nature, then there are problems. Sure some doggy moms have had more than 8 puppies at once so the humans think they can do it too. They are not dogs and do not have a dog's amazing ability to raise their puppies. There is no way that Nadya Suleman can ever raise her babies properly because she is a human and not a dog. The humans have enough trouble bringing up one baby at a time. Can a dog help it if we are better at most everything than the humans?

Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is too Many)












Demon Flash Bandit (Eight is Too Many)

Mitch McConnell:Senator Who Receives my "Stupid Human Award"

Sometimes I see a news item that makes me realize more than ever that the humans should not be allowed to make the big decisions and that dogs should be running the world. I am pronouncing today's human math idiot to be Mitch McConnell, a United States Republican Senator from Kentucky. As some of you may be aware, the United States government is having to work out a budget, and the two political parties are trying to manage staying within the budget. This is where the problem begins. The Republicans want to cut spending. That is okay. I'm sure there is waste that can be cut (you can start with the salaries of the politicians if you ask this dog). However, the Democrats have stated that you can't just cut spending without also bringing in more money. Mitch McConnell, who is the recipient of my first Demon Flash Bandit Stupid Human Award for his lack of understanding of basic arithmetic, stated that the two parties won't be able to agree because unemployment is at 9,2%, and it is ridiculous to raise taxes when so many are unemployed. What a moron!!! The unemployed aren't paying taxes which probably explains why there is less money for the government to work with. This dog thinks if you are a billionaire, you can afford to do without some of the special tax breaks and corporate welfare that the Republicans have so generously provided. I prefer not to discuss politics much in my blog, but sometimes a dog has to say something when the humans are acting so stupid. I really don't mind people being wealthy, but when you have more money than you can ever spend in a lifetime, and you need more, that person needs some serious psychiatric care. Life is short, and I guarantee that you won't take any of the money with you when you cross over. Very much like that character, Ebenezer Scrooge, in Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, I suspect some of the wealthier humans might be sorry they amassed so much money while doing so little good for their fellow man. Humans could learn a lot from us dogs. We don't get obsessed with money. We are happy as long as our tummies are full and we have a comfortable place to nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Giving My First Stupid Human Award)

President Should be a Dog!

I always enjoy sharing my celebrity letters with my readers. Today's letter is from Sarah Palin. She also sent me the above "resume" for President of the United States. I know I'm a world famous blogger, but I'm not really sure why she sent me the resume. It isn't like I am the one who chooses who will run for President. I don't even think you need a resume for the job.

Anyway, as you can see, the resume is a picture of Sarah Palin in red and a dinosaur in blue. I would share the meaning with my readers, but I haven't got a clue as to the meaning of the drawing. I would venture to guess that Sarah Palin probably has no idea what it means either.

She sent me a letter along with the resume which I will now share with my readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

I am writing you because I'm from Alaska and you are a gee golly snow dog. I think I would make a good President because I am a gee golly hockey mom. Hockey is one of the most gee golly nicest sports on the planet. All the players are so gee golly polite to each other as they are knocking each other's teeth out. I promise to keep the job as President for gee golly 6 months before I resign to do a television show, "Let's Shoot and Kill Animals".

I'm sure you will want me to be President, Demon Flash Bandit, because I can gee golly see Russia from my house and you are a gee golly Siberian Husky. WINK!!! WINK!!!

Love, Sarah Palin

In case you are wondering, no she will not get this dog's vote. I was not impressed with her resume.
Demon Flash Bandit (A Dog Should be President)

Cowboy Hat for Kate

I don't know how many of you saw the news story about William and Kate initially not wearing a cowboy hat in Calgary on their tour of Canada. I can only assume that the cowboy hat was not silly looking enough for Kate, but today I received a letter from Kate so I can put all my readers minds at rest on the subject. I'm sharing it with you now:

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

My mother in law speaks very highly of you and your blog so I thought I would use your considerable influence to set the record straight. I did think the cowboy hat was too plain for my taste. I did not mean to hurt any one's feelings which is why both William and myself wore cowboy hats later on. However, I would have worn the hat in the beginning if it had been my style--you know maybe a peacock beanie baby on top surrounded by beanie baby mice. That is a hat I would be proud to wear. I'm sorry you think my hats are silly, but I put a lot of thought into them. I'm not saying my thoughts are good, but they are thoughts. Thanks for getting this little mistake straightened out. Best wishes from William and myself!

Love, Kate

I suppose there is no accounting for taste, but I bet the royal accountants do get tired of sending checks to pay for those silly hats Kate wears.

Demon Flash Bandit (Kate and the Cowboy Hat)

Adventures of a Lead Dog: Letter From Former Pres. George W. Bush

Adventures of a Lead Dog: Letter From Former Pres. George W. Bush: "I get many letters from celebrities, and this is a drawing from former President, George W. Bush which he included with his letter. It is a..."

Letter From Former Pres. George W. Bush

I get many letters from celebrities, and this is a drawing from former President, George W. Bush which he included with his letter. It is a drawing of Dick Cheney and George W. having a fun little peeing contest. I never thought of W as an intelligent man. However, I have to admit that, given a choice between this contest and going hunting with Cheney, I think he made a wise decision. Hunting with Cheney can get you shot in the face. The question mark is done by the artist probably because the artist had NO idea why he was being asked to draw them. I will share his letter with my readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

I'm glad to see a dawg writing a blog on the Interneted. I don't know what I would have done wethout my dogs when I was in office. When it came time to make the big derisions, I always left them up to the dawgs. I am enopening a pitcher of Dick Cheney and meself doing some impoortant Wite Hous Stuff when I was President. Feel free to shair this pitcher with your readers. I am a big fan, and I hope your blog continues to do well. I am hoping one day to go from being a fan to being an air conditioner!

Love, Gorjze W. Buzh (I think that is how I spell it.)

It was very pleasant hearing from our former President, and I'm glad that, judging from the improvement in the spelling of his name, he is learning a lot. Thank dog for spell check. I don't think I would have been able to interpret his letters to me without it. Let's just say, spelling isn't his strong suit and neither is math, science, etc. He is a very nice guy though, and I'm happy to see him back in Texas.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Another Celebrity Letter)

Dogs Make Better Jurors

Last night I was watching a movie entitled, Cool Dog. The movie starred a dog, and it was a great movie. I notice it was not up for an Oscar, but that does not surprise me since the Oscars are always biased against dog movies. Even though the bias is not fair, I can understand it since the humans know that dogs are better actors and are worried about their jobs!

I have not mentioned the jury case of Casey Anthony largely because, I was not on the jury so I didn't need to keep up with it. The prosecution presented the argument that this was a mother whose child was missing, and she was lying to the police. You would think that a Mommy of a missing child would be trying to make sure the child is found---not impeding the search. The jury said the prosecution did not prove the case. I don't know about that since I didn't keep up with the case, but one thing bothers me. One reason they gave for not finding her guilty was that the prosecution could not establish a motive for her killing the child. That is when I realized that juries should no longer be made up of humans. The humans should be replaced by dogs. Why? Because all us dogs know that humans do things without logical reasons. Perhaps Casey Anthony got annoyed at her child....perhaps she was having a bad day...perhaps they cancelled her favorite television show. Maybe the jury was right, but the very fact that they think another human needs a reason for their behavior proves to us dogs that they don't have any sense. In addition, dogs would "smell" the evidence and be able to pick up all sorts of clues from the smell. Humans can't smell their way out of a paper bag with those little, semi-useless noses of theirs. The best thing about having dogs serve as jurors is that we would work for dingo bones and McDonalds. They have to pay the humans cash, and we all know how greedy the humans are about money.

Demon Flash Bandit (Potential Juror Demon Flash Bandit)

Charlie Sheen Roast and Transformers

Comedy Central has announced that they will be roasting Charlie Sheen. From what I've seen of him on the Internet lately, I would suggest that they skip the comedy and actually roast him because he seems to have some anger issues. This means that the "friendly" roast could turn into something very unfriendly by the time the show is over. Maybe that is what they want because the humans will tend to watch if there is a big fight. They probably learned that from Jerry Springer and his talk show where he got everyone that didn't like each other together so they could fight it out physically on nationwide television. Sheen's former wife, Brooke Mueller, has already said she will sue if she gets mentioned at the roast. This dog thinks that the roast is going to be a real sideshow, and I think I'll avoid watching it.

Speaking of things I should have avoided watching. I went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon yesterday. I did not enjoy the movie because it was basically about blowing up things. If that is what you enjoy, then the movie is a must-see! Even the cameos by 4 dogs couldn't save that movie!

As my regular readers are aware, I sometimes cover news items, and I read one headline that said a disabled child was banned from a flight. Obviously, that news outlet does not live up to the Demon Flash Bandit standards. The real story was that the child was not banned from the flight, but only the stroller. The child had Down's Syndrome so that does not mean the child can't walk so I fail to see how that affects the child getting on the plane. It turns out a musical instrument was allowed on the plane, but the airlines said that you could bring a musical instrument if you paid for a seat for it. I'm assuming that if the family had been willing to pay for a seat for the stroller that it could have been on the plane too. It would be nice if the airline allowed strollers, but as long as a child can walk, I don't see how it would stop the child from getting on a plane. The last I looked, planes do have seats for their customers. I'm sure that eventually they will decide to charge extra for chairs, but they haven't thought of that yet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With High Standards)

Underwater Treasure from the Atocha

There is another story on the Internet about treasure being found, but this time it is from a ship that has already provided a lot of treasure. Mel Fisher and his crew located the Spanish ship, the Atocha, and they are continuing to find treasure from that ship. Much of the treasure can be seen at the Mel Fisher Maritime Museum in Key West, Florida. My humans have never been to his actual museum, but they have seen some of the treasures which were brought to the Detroit Boat Show years ago, and they were very interesting. It is nice that the humans are willing to go to such lengths for treasure. I don't mind digging for treasure. Since I'm a dog, I actually enjoy digging, but if it is underwater, this dog is not going after it. I do not like to get wet. I'm sure some dogs don't mind, but I'm not one of them. Anyway, it is nice that some of the humans don't mind getting wet to get a treasure. I hate to have to write this, but the humans will get wet just to take a bath. I know-I don't understand why they do it either, but they do. Most of them even have rooms in their homes dedicated to getting wet and clean. This is why dogs have trouble understanding humans. Just when they get some dirt on them and look and smell interesting, they go and wash it all away. The worst part is when they think a dog should get a bath too. Just because they want to be miserable is no reason to drag a dog into their own personal hell. However, this blog is not about the humans odd obsession with cleanliness, but about a treasure. For those who are unfamiliar with the Atocha, I suggest you look it up on the Internet. That is the smart way to view it--and to stay dry at the same time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Treasure)

History of Independence Day

The year was 1776, and the humans who convened at the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania were tired. They had been hanging out in meetings (and human meetings tend to be very boring) so they decided it was time to adjorn and have some fun. They were in Philadelphia at that historic time in history (officially, it was not historic for them since it was "their time") because they were part of Great Britain, and they were very annoyed with King George III. I can understand why they were annoyed at him. He was probably wearing even sillier hats than Kate back then. No one wants to be ruled by a person wearing a silly hat. That is why schools in the old days used to make the dumb kids sit in the corner with a dunce cap on their heads. That stupid hat was part of the punishment. However, I'm not discussing fashion today--I'm discussing the history of Independence Day in the United States. Continental Congress declared their independence from Great Britain for several reasons, the main one being that they felt that everyone needed another holiday from work. I can't argue with practical logic like that. The Declaration of Independence was written and the representatives of the various colonies all signed it. Then they went outside and had a barbeque and picnic. Later that night there were fireworks. That is why so many people celebrate the Fourth of July by having barbeques and fireworks.

Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds. King George III did not want to give up the colonies. Sure, his main interest in life was wearing silly hats, but his aides were wise enough to hide his hats for a couple of days so he could take care of more serious affairs, but mostly he sat around the castle making fart noises with his arm pits because that is what he thought kings were supposed to do in their spare time. He was not only fond of silly hats, but he was also insane--very much like many leaders which is why the humans have so many problems in this world. No self respecting dog would ever allow some of the world leaders to lead their packs. This is because we are dogs and we are smart. King George III was not about to allow the colonies to go without a fight so he sent over his rock-em, sock-em robots, and the colonists fought back with their GI Joes, and the GI Joes won the fight. King George granted the colonies their freedom to form a new government, and the king went back to making fart noises with his arm pits.

Anyway, that is how the United States got its independence from Great Britain, and this is also why the humans have barbeques and fireworks to celebrate. Some of them take vacations which is in honor of the representatives who travelled to Philadelphia to convene the Second Continental Congress. I might add that John Hancock, the President of Continental Congress, and the man who signed his name larger than those of his cohorts summed up the situation by saying, "I've got to sign my name larger than life because in the future, I plan to own my own insurance company".

As usual, I hope my readers have learned something accurate from my blog. If you want the facts, always ask a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing History Behind Independence Day)

Conspiracy Against Dogs

Today I am going to cover a conspiracy of epic proportions. The conspiracy involves one of my favorite treats: Bit of Luv. These are delicious dog treats in beef or chicken flavor and they are truly a bite of love. My humans say I'm a Bit of Luv addict. I don't agree, but when none of the stores around here had them anymore, I wasn't happy. You can imagine how happy I was when I saw the ACO ad, and they had Bit of Luv ON SALE. That's right....they had my treats and they were even below the usual price. This dog was on Cloud 9.....you know the cloud you go to when you are super happy!!!!! Anyway, my humans stopped by ACO and the store never got the Bit of Luv in as expected. I was annoyed, but I thought it would be okay because the humans could try again the next week. I assumed that perhaps the shipment was late. I had my mouth all set for those delicious treats and then when my humans went out the other day, it looks like the ACO store has shut down without notice. The ACO sign is covered up and there is a "For Lease" sign in front. I can only assume that this is part of a vast conspiracy reaching into the top levels of dog enemies. I have been doing some intelligence gathering, and I have narrowed it down to several possibilities. Of course, there are my usual suspects: birds. Whenever there are problems in a dog's life, you can be sure that if the birds aren't behind them, they are at the very least laughing at the dog. It could also be cats. Although some cats are friendly to dogs, there are definitely some who hate us dogs. Perhaps it is space aliens who were using ACO as a base until some human stumbled upon their secret and they had to shut down the store. The humans said maybe they went out of business. Of course, I know that couldn't be the case. How can a place go out of business when the sales of Bit of Luv alone would make the profitable beyond their wildest dreams! Leave it to the humans to come up with the least likely scenerio.

Kate and her Silly Hats

I was hoping that Duchess Kate (I think that is her proper title) would get the hint from my blogs and quit wearing the silly looking hats, but I was wrong. Today I saw a photo of her on the Internet wearing yet another silly looking hat. It is so frustrating to offer her the benefit of my good taste and see her continue going her own way and looking silly. I know the humans seem to think hats are good idea; but as usual, the humans are wrong. All you have to do is look to the past to see how silly the hats used to look until the humans' dogs told them to quit wearing them. There are hats that the women used to wear that are completely covered with flowers. Those hats are not as bad looking as the ones that are covered with fruit. Sure, they were handy when the need for a snack arose, but otherwise, they just looked stupid! I have no idea how many of the humans were attacked by hungry animals who wanted to eat their hats! I'm guessing the humans didn't keep statistics because, if they did, it would have brought down the fashion industry. Even the humans aren't going to keep wearing hats if the hats will cause them to be attacked by hungry animals. I hope Kate sees my blog and quits wearing the hats as soon as possible. I am afraid one of us dogs is going to die laughing and that would be tragic!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Hats)

Dogs Need Meat!

As a dog, I enjoy eating meat. It is one of my favorite foods next to cookies. You can imagine how I felt when I discovered on the Internet that now some of the humans have decided that dogs can be vegan dogs. I don't know about the rest of you, but I do not think that dogs were meant to be vegetarians. If we were, I would be more fond of vegetables, and I'm not a big fan of them. We are cousins to the wolves, and I haven't noticed our wild cousins showing up to eat at a salad bar. That is because wolves want meat. I might add that the animals that the vegans are so concerned about are usually eating other animals. Let's take the bird for example (I wish someone would take them since they annoy me). An owl is a bird, and he eats rodents, bunnies, small dogs, etc. Does he feel guilty about having dinner? I can guarantee you he does not. I say if a dog eats the owl, then a chihuahua might not be his dinner in the future. Sure, it would be nice if meat grew from a garden, but it does not. I know this because I have tried planting meat and it never grows. You can imagine how disappointed I was when my bed of bacon never materialized. I had my taste buds all ready for a large crop of bacon and I had to do without. It was one of the saddest moments of my life. I know most of the humans aren't vegans, but I have observed that humans are easily influenced. Therefore, if any dogs reading this see their humans bring in a book about a dog being a vegan (yes, there are books on the subject), get rid of that book as quickly as possible. Shred it, eat it, pee on it...whatever you have to do to get rid of it, do it!!! You'll thank me later when you are enjoying a dinner with meat!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Meat)