Mathematical Formula to Achieve Milkbones

I was watching The Big Bang Theory last night, and I realized that I have been a theoretical physicist since I was a puppy. Even as a young pup, I realized that there are 2 major groups of dogs. One group that has milkbones and one group that does not. I worked out a mathematical formula that takes many variables into consideration--how cute is the dog, how well does he or she beg, can the dog be trusted not to eat the entire box in one sitting, etc. It is very simple and even the humans can understand it: x=cuteness, y=begging ability, z=trust, m-milkbones.
x(y)+x(z)=m
This is one of the simpler theories. You will notice that cuteness is more important than anything else because the humans control the purchase of milkbones, and they respond to cuteness more so than the other abilities.

I happen to be so cute that I usually don't even have to beg. In fact, I often help myself to the box when the humans bring it home. They can trust me because I have been known to carry a box around for a day or two unopened. I like to have it with me just in case I'm in the mood for a milkbone. Sometimes I like to use the box as a pillow. Now that I have written a blog showing my advanced math and science skills, I am sure that my genius will make the humans buy me even more milkbones. Therefore, my theory is that a dog has to do anything it takes to get some milkbones, and whatever impresses your human, do it. Milkbones are worth the trouble!

Demon Flash Bandit (Theoretical Physicist and Dog With Milkbones)