Monday, January 10, 2011

A Crown Worthy of English Royalty

Once again, I received some correspondence from Elizabeth II, The Queen Lady. It is always nice to hear from my friend, the Queen Lady, and this was no exception. I wrote and suggested ways in which she could cut the royal budget. As always, she appreciated my advice. Here is her letter:

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,

Thank you so much for your letter suggesting we save money on the royal budget by selling the crown jewels. Most of the time, they just sit around in the Jewel House of the Tower of London because we don't wear them much. I'm sure they would bring a nice wad of cash for our castle expenses. I had never considered giving them up since we do need the crown for various occasions. I was touched by your thoughtfulness in finding a substitute for me to wear and pass down to my descendants. I did consider the child's "plastic" tiara you priced for me at Meijer for $5.99, but I know it might not fit so I realized I might have to spend as much as $100-$200. on a crown. However, since you sent me such a wonderful replacement crown, I don't even have to spend $5.99 because I plan to use the crown you sent. You are so right when you say that a Burger King crown is better than any other crown that I could buy. In fact, I like it better than the crown jewels in the Tower of London. It is not heavy, it looks regal, and you can't do better in life than burgers from Burger King. I often take the family out for their wonderful burgers. I'm not sure how ordinary people can afford to eat at such an elegant restaurant, but it is nice that they feed my subjects the same delightful burgers they serve me and my family. Thank you so much for watching out for me and my family. I am always touched by your thoughtfulness. I do hope that I will be able to come and mow your yard this year. That extra $25.00 will mean so much to my family and me.

On another subject, are you going to be able to attend the wedding of my grandson to Kate Middleton? I do hope you will be able to attend. I have told the caterers to make sure that you are served Burger King because I know how much you enjoy their burgers. Yes, Demon, they really are "fit for a king or queen". The rest of the guests will have slump soup so that we will have plenty of leftovers. Nothing says royal like eyeballs and ears in the soup. By the way, we would love to have you stay at the castle with us. We have plenty of room, and I would hate to see you stay at a hotel.


Her Majesty, Queen Lady Elizabeth

I am so pleased that the Queen Lady takes the time to write me, a simple dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping the Queen Lady Save Money)

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