The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood

Today I am going to tell the story, Little Red Riding Hood, from Grimm's fairy tales the way it was actually written. Some of the humans changed the story over the years, and I think it is time the original story was revealed.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wore a red cape. She was a horrible, badly behaved little girl whose Mother sent her to visit her grandmother because she was sick of putting up with her. Her mother was hoping that Little Red Riding Hood would get lost in the forest and never find her way back. Her teachers had the same philosophy as her mother. They sent her to her mother hoping she would never find her way back to school.

On the way to her grandmother's house, she met a handsome dog ( a Siberian husky like myself). She thought he was a wolf because Little Red Riding Hood was not only a brat, but she was also quite stupid. She told the dog she was lost and the wonderful, well behaved dog helped her find the way to her grandmother's house. When she got to Grandma's house, she pulled the chain saw out of her basket. Luckily some kind hunters saw the girl ready to kill her grandmother (I told you she was a brat.) and they shot the little girl, and everyone lived happily ever after.

I think it is important to relate the true story of Little Red Riding Hood because wolves have gotten a lot of bad press over the years while jerks like Little Red Riding Hood, who happen to be the real villains, get by with everything.

The moral to this story is: Avoid children, spend more time with wolves and dogs.

Today I announce the winner of the Siberan Husky Christmas ornament. It is Khyra. Contact me at my email, demonflashbandit@gmail.com so that I can arrange shipment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Narrator)

I Checked my Crystal Ball

I happened to look into my crystal ball and I foresaw a new Civil War in the United States between the north and south. This war became more complicated than the one in the 1860s because the Yankees, many of whom were able to infiltrate the south, and fit in with the Rebels were able to find out battle plans in advance. How did they do it? They mimicked a southern accent, and they wore Dukes of Hazzard T-shirts. This made them fit right into the south, and the southerners never realized that they were not really from there. The south decided to use General Lee as their lead general. The big problem with this was that The Dodge Charger, General Lee, was not an expert on military strategy. In fact, the car wasn't good at all at giving orders. It mainly wanted to drive around jumping over stuff. As in the first war, the south lost. It might have been sadder had anyone actually knew what they were fighting about. From what I saw in my Crystal ball, it looks like you can't give rednecks guns. They will use them. I should send that one to Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a redneck if you shoot first, shoot last, and then find out if you should have shot in the first place. I might add that Mommy is a southerner, and not all are rednecks--just the ones who are shooting from their pickup trucks.

If all goes as planned, I will be announcing the winner of the husky Christmas ornament tomorrow. Good luck to the contenders.

By the way, pumpkin is not good for a dog's tummy. I found this out when I ate a bag of Halloween pumpkin shaped candy. Mommy says I ate too much, but how do you stop when it is so good?

Demon Flash Bandit (Seer)

Mummies Need Bandages

When you happen to go down the first aid aisle of your favorite store, you will see a vast array of bandages. These bandages are often overlooked when there has been no injury, but it is nice to know that they are available when they are needed. This means that if the price of bandages go up, most people don't even notice right away. However, there is one group that you are likely to see protesting outside the store about the rising costs. That group is the mummies among us. Imagine how much they have to spend to cover themselves entirely in bandages! Sure, if they would stick in their cases in the museums, it would not be a problem, but judging from the amount of movies that have had mummies in them, they don't like to hang out at the museum when they can be causing mayhem in the regular world. I have never seen a mummy personally, but if I did, I would ask him how many times he changes his bandages. What if I need some bandages and he has wiped out the bandage section at the store? It would be important to know this in advance so that a dog can stock up on necessities. I have had a few people suggest that I write a money saving book for mummies. I think it would be much cheaper for them to buy some white linens and cut them up and use them as bandages. Since the mummies are dead anyway, I don't think they need to worry about the bandages being sterile. It isn't like an infection is going to bother them. Personally, it does my heart good to know that there are nice mummies who are protesting rising prices instead of the meaner ones who are chasing after everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting on Mummies)

Paw to the Gas--Go Faster!

My adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, has been known to drive while under the influence of alcohol, which is irresponsible for humans, but dogs are a different story. Anyway, after Angel had a few drinks the other day, I was riding as a passenger in the car with Angel Zoom Smokey driving. I had suggested I drive because I had only had water, but Angel would not hear of it. She said that it was her car and she was driving. NOTE: It is not her car--it is Mommy's car. Anyway, we had gone about 5 miles when we heard sirens behind us and saw some blinking lights. I suggested we pull over. Angel Zoom Smokey, who has been reading a lot of Greek mythology lately said that sirens make music and compel mariners to wreck their ships. She wasn't falling for their trickery. Her paw hit the accelerator, and she took off, leaving the sirens in the dust. She said to always be careful when you hear sirens--it is seldom a good thing for the person hearing them. I suspect she might very well be right about that.

On another subject, we live next to a major highway, and there are 2 dead raccoons that have been hit by cars sitting beside the road. Mommy won't let us eat them, but Angel Zoom Smokey and myself keep telling her that they are food delivery. Will the humans never understand common dog sense?

Demon Flash Bandit (Riding With Dog that Got Away)

Christmas Gift Ideas From Demon Flash Bandit

With Christmas fast approaching, many of us are trying to decide what to gifts to give our family and friends. Sure, you can give your dad a tie, but he probably already has a gadzillion ties. If you have one of those dads like mine who only wore a tie if he HAD TO, it will just sit in the closet and collect dog fur. Sure, if you have a human who likes to be a bit eccentric and enjoys things other humans hate, you could always order that human a tie at http://www.zazzle.com/ from their tasteless tie section. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone would order any of their ties, but I'm sure there are some humans out there wearing them. What about the ladies on the list? There are only so many posters of Abe Vigoda shirtless that a home has wall space to hang. (NOTE: Abe Vigoda is best for the tween on your list--they will thank you when they are older and realize that the guys on Twilight really aren't particularly handsome.) By the way, for the Republicans on your list, a poster of Dick Cheney shirtless is available. And some of you ladies think that no one is answering your wishes!

Sure, all this stuff is okay for a few of the humans, but what would the majority of humans want to see under the Christmas tree? I have the answer to that question for you in this blog. I have done some massive surveys, and the thing the humans would like to have most can be found at http://www.prankplace.com/ This wonderful website has many wonderful gift ideas for the hard to buy for person on your list. What human would not be happy with a heart felt greeting of Merry Christmas spelled out in dog poop? At a cost of only $13.98, it is a real bargain. I know it isn't a gift that many people think of giving, so it will make your gift stand out in the crowd of gifts. Since these gifts of poop are fake poop, your recipient can enjoy them for years to come. This brings me to the best gift of all: for only $7.98, you can purchase Yule Doos, This is a special Christmas ornament made up of fake poop which is covered in sparkly snow. What could better prepare a person for the joy of the holiday season than to see a tree covered in poop? There are many other lovely poop gifts to choose from for that special person on your list. You can even shop from the comfort of you own home. I know that you will be remembered forever if you choose one of these thoughtful poop gifts. I think they prove the old adage, it is better to give than to receive.

I have to admit that I think my husky Christmas ornament giveaway is a better looking ornament than the Yule Doo, but Yule Doo is a close second!

Demon Flash Bandit (Holiday Gift Advisor)

My Pal's Book and Three Dog Night

My friend Raja, a shih tzu, has written a book featuring the history and story of the shih tzu breed. This book can be ordered from the site, http://www.traveldogbooks.com/ You can read more about the book on the site. By the way, my photo is in the book so I'm wondering if I am going to have to wear sunglasses to avoid being mobbed by pupparazzi.

I decided to watch a video concert performed by Three Dog Night. When 3 dogs make up a band, you know it has to be great. I am wondering why they became such good pals with that bullfrog named Jeremiah. I have never met a frog, but frogs don't seem to be the kind of species with which a dog would want to be friends. The last time I watched one of the dog's concerts, I was a bit disappointed because I didn't see the dogs. I suppose they were taking a Milkbone break. Last night I watched a different video, and they were 3 dogs short---AGAIN!!! This time I stayed awake to make sure the dogs came back from their break, and they never did! The band was just another bunch of humans--no doubt trying to get an audience by pretending to be dogs. I wrote about doggy impawsters recently. I suppose it must be more of a problem than I realized. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are in a band called the Howling Huskies, and you can be sure that it is an all dog band--no humans are used in the making of our music. We happen to have very high standards. I think Spiderman summed it up when he said, "with great 'paw'er comes great re'paw'nsibility.

I would like to mention that it is National Mutt Day. All dogs are special--whether pedigreed or not.

Demon Flash Bandit (Prefers an All Dog Band)

Don't Mess With Angel Zoom Smokey

Today's blog is a public service announcement to Jack Nicholson. Jeff was doing his imitation of Jack Nicholson last night, and Angel Zoom Smokey went nuts. We had no idea that she was not a fan. In fact, she was very upset. Perhaps it was because Jeff was doing his voice and she thought he had been taken over by some Jack Nicholson demon, and if so, maybe the real Jack Nicholson might be okay if he were to run into Angel. Is it really worth him taking that kind of risk? I think not. My reaction was to look up from my nap and lay my head back down. Obviously, I am a bit more mellow than Angel Zoom Smokey. It isn't like Jeff isn't always doing silly things. She is 3 years old so she should be used to it by now. Anyway, I am going to assume that she is not a fan of Nicholson. Sorry Jack, you are okay with me, but Angel does not share my opinion. Just be grateful she isn't a movie critic. I personally am glad that Jeff puts on these shows for us. He practiced his stand up comedy in front of us, and I have to tell you that Angel is responsible for much of his success (he has appeared at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, MI, and also at the Comedy Showcase in Ann Arbor, MI). You may ask how Angel Zoom Smokey can be considered the reason for his success, but it is quite simple. She had to keep telling him--"Jeff, it is stand up comedy, you can't sit down". It isn't Jeff's fault that he thought it would be okay. Daddy did used to play ball with him while sitting in a lawn chair. Daddy had worked all day and he said standing at home was too much work. Jack, if you are reading this, I have no idea what you have done to annoy Angel Zoom Smokey so much, but if you want to avoid some puppy slaps of justice (one of her specialties); I would suggest you avoid all contact with Angel. I've been the victim of some of those puppy slaps of justice and, believe me, they aren't fun!



Remember the Christmas ornament giveaway. Who wouldn't want an adorable husky ornament on their Christmas tree?



Demon Flash Bandit (Issuing Alert)