Movie Review: Spiderman

Today I am going to write a movie review of Spiderman which I went to see at midnight along with a bunch of humans who, evidently don't have anything better to do at night than go to the theatre. Other dogs had the good sense to stay home and sleep! I had no problems with the other 3 Spiderman movies and saw no real need to reboot this franchise, but the studios, instead of coming up with something new like to re-do movies that they have already made. The movie was good, but one part did bother me a bit. In the new movie, he was bit by a spider after entering an off limits area. It isn't that it was a bad idea except that I would hope that a tech company would have better security what they had in the movie. He watched a guy get in once, and then he was able to get into the area himself. I think my email account is harder to get into so I would hope that a company's vital secrets would be better protected. However, it was still a good movie--not better than the previous ones, but definitely okay. I have to admit, I expected it to be horrible so I was pleasantly surprised when it was okay. I give it 2 paws up which is about a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Movie Review: The Pirates: Band of Misfits

Yesterday I went to the theatre so that I could do a movie review of The Pirates: Band of Misfits for my blog readers. This story is about the Pirate Captain who is trying to get the most booty so he can win the contest for the honor of being the "Pirate of the Year". There is stiff competition for this coveted prize. The Pirate Captain signs up for the competition on Blood Island, and then leaves the island to sail the seas in search of treasure. On the search, he finds a scientific vessel and meets Charles Darwin who persuades him that he can find the treasure he seeks in London which is where Queen Victoria lives and she hates pirates. However, the Pirate Captain is willing to face the danger in order to win the Pirate of the Year Award. I am a big fan of the Pirates movie franchise, but I must admit that Johnny Depp's performance as the Pirate Captain was not up to his usual brilliant performance, and they did not seem to remember that his name was Jack Sparrow. I can only assume that is a problem with the writers who sometimes forget the character's names. I was also a bit disappointed that the movie gave such a big part to a bird. As my regular readers know, I am not a fan of birds and I think they cause most of the problems in the world. However, the bird was kind of cute so I am making an exception for her in the movie. By the way, her name is Polly. I didn't hear her talk any which shows that she is a nice bird who isn't one of those diva types who gets angry if she doesn't get a lot of lines. I give this movie 4 paws up and a tail wag which is a 7 out of 10 on the human movie scale. It is rated PG, but I think most parents would not have much objection to their children seeing this movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Family Who Spends $200,000 a Year on Food!

I have a new award for human stupidity in the field of economics. I am calling it the Demon Flash Bandit Award for Humans Who Should Not Be Allowed to Handle Finances Because They are Incredibly Stupid. The first recipient of my award goes to Congressman Fleming, a member of the Tea Party, for stating that he can't afford to pay more taxes because he only makes $600,000 a year, and it takes $200,000 a year to feed his family. I can only assume that his family must be super big eaters to spend so much of the money on food. His logic is that he needs $400,000 to create new jobs. It seems he has businesses that make millions every year, but much of that money goes to pay employees, business costs, etc. I'm wondering how this moron can run successful Subway franchises when he pays so much for food for his family. If he is in charge of buying the supplies, the Subways he owns must be losing money. I have a better idea for fixing the economy.....let him pay more taxes, and let some of those people who he wants to continue paying to work for him (probably at minimum wage) actually be the ones to create new jobs. There are plenty of innovative new businesses that end up employing far more people than fast food franchises at better pay. In the long run, it would do Congressman Fleming a big favor because it is obvious to this dog that the stress of trying to keep so many people employed is getting to him. In fact, I think the stress of getting dressed in the morning must be getting to him. This is why I don't care for Tea Party conservatives. This guy is not "conservative" with tax payer money.....he is just selfishly trying to get more for himself, and acting like he is doing everyone a favor in the process. I hope his constituents decide to send him back to his old job when it is time for reelection. There are way too many idiots running the country!

Demon Flash Bandit (Giving Out a New Award)

Town for Sale

It is not unusual for the humans to decide to sell their houses and move, but there is a place where a dog can buy the entire town. The town of Scenic, South Dakota is for sale, and can be purchased for a mere $799,000. The town includes a saloon, a store, 2 post offices, a dance hall, a museum, etc. For someone who wants an "authentic" western town, this would be a great deal. This dog thinks it would be interesting to own. I can see a lot of potential for the place as a tourist attraction.....and if they are smart enough to get dogs to run the places, I think the humans would be showing up there in droves. For those who are interested in finding out more about the town, the web address is:

http://realestate.msn.com/blogs/listedblogpost.aspx?post=f9af8bbf-80b5-4f2f-ad86-d23f3e7e9c5d&GT1=35006

I told Mommy that I was interested in buying the town since I can always buy a McDonalds franchise and build one there, but Mommy said I have no money in my bank account. Since when did us dogs not have bank accounts started for us when we are puppies? Many of the human puppies have colllege accounts, and all us dogs know how stupid the human puppies are. Quite frankly, the human parents are far more optimistic about their human puppies intelligence than are us dogs. Have you observed the human puppies? I could feed myself and walk around and was ready to "conquer" the world when I was about 6 weeks old. The human puppies hang around and expect their parents to take care of them for years. Most of them don't even learn to walk until they are about a year old. Talk about stupidity. Even birds learn and get pushed out of the nest faster than that. I think this dog is going to have to take financial matters into my own paws, but the only thing that bothers me is that the humans expect you to work for money, and that would seriously interrupt my nap time. I guess I'll have to use my next nap to contemplate this situation and come up with a genius plan for getting money without working. Maybe I'll write the Queen Lady for advice. Her family seems to have plenty of money and they don't show up for work.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Without a Bank Account)

Money Saving Tips

Since the recession has affected many of the humans, and even the Queen Lady has had to cut back on household expenses, I thought I would do a public service by sharing some money saving tips. These tips aren't used in this household, but my humans do know someone who does use them.

1. First and foremost, when buying food, never buy the name brands. If you can find the food in the dumpster outside the store, that food is free. This saves a lot of money that you can use for more important things.

2. Never buy aluminum foil, wet wipes, paper towels, napkins, or toilet paper. These are all luxury items that should never be purchased. However, they can be salvaged from things that other people, who are wasteful, throw away since most humans don't bother to reuse these items. A little dirt never killed anyone.

3. When gift giving occasions occur, always save the gift wrap from the gifts that you receive. Gift wrap can be reused hundreds of times. Also, name tags are unnecessary. You can write the information directly on the paper. It won't fall off, and it makes the package delightfully different from the rest. I'm amazed Martha Stewart hasn't thought of it.

4. Wonderful gifts can be purchased at the nice stores that charge no more than one dollar for anything in the store. Who wouldn't be delighted to receive a couple of peanut butter crackers as a gift?

5. Try to make sure one member of the family works for some kind of fast food franchise so that they can grab the delicious food that is thrown away. It saves hundreds on the grocery bill.

6. Water costs money so if you need to wash your hands or brush your teeth, use the toilet water that is available to save money over having to turn on the faucet. This could save you as much as $10.00 in a lifetime.

7. If you should need a band-aid, don't fall for those ones at the store that cost money. Find some old rag and wrap it around the cut. You don't need tape either--tie a couple of strips of old rag around it to keep in place. It is nice if the rag is clean, but this is not a perfect world. Use what you have.

Now I bet the next thing you are thinking is, what do you do with all the extra money you have saved? Invest it? No, of course not. You buy a new car so you can look rich. Then you spend the rest on a trip to the nearest casino where you put it into slot machines and hope to become rich.

How did humans get put in charge over dogs? I mean the money saving tips are okay with me, but I'd spend my money on Burger King and dingo bones, as would any other dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doing a Public Service Blog)