Cat Necessities by the Demon Flash Bandit, Dog

Recently I watched an informative television show with a cat behavourist.   He was in a pet store showing misguided humans (they want a cat) what  things they needed to buy.  By the time they left the store, they had spent quite a bit of money.  As a public service, I am going to list the real essentials.

First,  get a cat.  Why get a bunch of cat essentials if you don't have a cat?  Would you buy elephant accessories before you get a pet elephant?  Of course not.

Next item on the list is food. Unless your cat shares his food with a dog, the cheap food is perfect.  If a cat is fed expensive food, he gets uppity.  Ask any dog - they will tell you there is nothing worse than an uppity cat unless it is an uppity squirrel.

Cats need a litter box to take care of their business.  As you can imagine,  they are not particularly good at producing a sellable item.  The show said to get two of them.  Evidently cats think they need a 2 bathroom house.  They only need one.  Again, you don't want an uppity cat.  The pet store has covered or uncovered litter boxes.  This is a blatant attempt by the litter box manufacturers to make more money.  Any plastic tub will do.  A dog could probably find a free one in the neighborhood garbage.

The only cat toys they need is whatever you have around the house.  Yarn, a ball, or a toilet paper holder are perfect cat toys.

Water dishes are unnecessary if your house has a toilet.  It is also hilarious to dogs when the cat falls into the water.  However, purchasing a water dish for a cat is acceptable.

If you want to buy clothes for a cat, go ahead.  They love to wear clothing.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention catnip addiction.  Cats are prone to getting  this affliction.  If a cat starts wearing sun glases, he is probably an addict and needs to go to cat rehab.

Good luck to future cat owners.  However, why not reconsider and get a dog.  Cats are unappreciative jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit