I have decided to throw a big party at my house on Saturday. I have arranged a real feast I have ordered Bread, Meatloaf, Black Eyed Peas, Cream, Blue Oyster Cult, Smashing Pumpkins, and Red Hot Chili Peppers to name a few. Bring roast beef, ham, pork chops, chicken, steak, and salmon
Jeff will set up his outdoor theatre, and I told him.to provide entertainment. He will show Snow Dogs and Hotel for Dogs. Don't miss my party. It is the doggy social event of the year!
Demon Flash Bandit (Party Dog)
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Calling All Dogs: Tree Emergency
According to the Washington Post, there is a very old white oak tree in Basking Ridge, New Jersey that is almost 600 years old. The tree is in declining health. The humans aren't sure why it is dying, and they speculate that the tree is dying of old age. Of course, the tree is being examined by humans, and I have no faith in their conclusions. Humans do not appreciate trees as much as we dogs. I think a group of dogs should be put in charge of the tree's care. We can start by taking charge of the tree's watering schedule. I personally have helped many trees get big and stay healthy. Dogs don't just put water on them. We age and treat the water like fine wine. My suspicion is that it is an ongoing homocide, and I know who needs to be arrested for the crime. If we act quickly we might be able to save the wonderful tree while it is still alive. The culprit is (drum roll) BIRDS! Birds like to hang around in trees and they are always building their nests on the branches. Imagine having to hold up an entire house! No wonder the tree is in decline. It is tired of the birds building their subdivisions in it. If that isn't hard enough on the tree, the birds like to sit their feathers on the branches. The woodpecker even drills holes into the tree because he wants to live inside the tree. In addition, there are squirrels running around all over the tree. Meet me in New Jersey. We will get rid of the birds and squirrels and make sure the tree gets our special magical water. The humans know our liquid is beneficial for trees. This is why they let us outside to "do our business" which is tree care.
Demon Flash Bandit (Save the Tree)
Demon Flash Bandit (Save the Tree)
Monday, June 27, 2016
Movie Review: The Curios Case of Benjamin Button
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the movie I have chosen to review today. It was made in 2008 so it is an older movie, but the movie is interesting. It isn't often that Hollywood makes a movie about a button. It opened the door for other movies about sewing notions. If Brad Pitt had refused the button part, my guess is that the movie Zipper (2015) would never have been made. Cate Blanchett starred with Brad Pitt.
This movie is quite revolutionary. It isn't often that people.get to see life from a Button's point of view. This might have been more accepted if it was one of those political buttons or one that supports a cause with a built in pin. This button is an ordinary button that fits into a buttonhole and keeps a garment together. I have seen buttons shaped like seashells, cars, cute animals, and other motifs. Many are plastic, but they are also made from other materials like brass and wood. The movie is not about one of those fancy buttons. It us just a circular plastic button which was nothing special. The movie has a message and that message is (in my opinion), one does not have to be fancy to live a useful life. What would the humans do without plain, ordinary buttons? I give this movie a tail wag, a kiss, and a wolf wolf. The humans give it a vest which is higher than a shirt, but lower than a suit coat.
Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)
This movie is quite revolutionary. It isn't often that people.get to see life from a Button's point of view. This might have been more accepted if it was one of those political buttons or one that supports a cause with a built in pin. This button is an ordinary button that fits into a buttonhole and keeps a garment together. I have seen buttons shaped like seashells, cars, cute animals, and other motifs. Many are plastic, but they are also made from other materials like brass and wood. The movie is not about one of those fancy buttons. It us just a circular plastic button which was nothing special. The movie has a message and that message is (in my opinion), one does not have to be fancy to live a useful life. What would the humans do without plain, ordinary buttons? I give this movie a tail wag, a kiss, and a wolf wolf. The humans give it a vest which is higher than a shirt, but lower than a suit coat.
Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Fashionable Dog
Many human fashions are often not particularly practical. However, I have invented a fashion that is lovely-and practical. I am sharing this with my readers because I enjoy helping other dogs enjoy life as much as I do.
First, you need to find something sticky to put on your face (or any fur that needs to look good). I used maple sryup because that is the pancake syrup of choice in this house. You can use no brand maple flavored syrup, but believe me, you can tell the difference. Maple syrup tastes better. I stuck 2 milkbones on each side of my nose. I was eating a third milkbone
Mom said I was adorable, and Angel Zoom Smokey was so jealous. Being a creative dog is fun.
Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Designer)
First, you need to find something sticky to put on your face (or any fur that needs to look good). I used maple sryup because that is the pancake syrup of choice in this house. You can use no brand maple flavored syrup, but believe me, you can tell the difference. Maple syrup tastes better. I stuck 2 milkbones on each side of my nose. I was eating a third milkbone
Mom said I was adorable, and Angel Zoom Smokey was so jealous. Being a creative dog is fun.
Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Designer)
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Dogs: Smarter than Humans
How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind
How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
These lyrics were written by Bob Dylan. Most of the older readers have heard these lyrics many times. I am sharing them once again because the humans are slow learners. Sadly, I think the answers have to be hurricane winds to get the humans to pay attention. Many of you have asked what, if elected president, I would do to stop all the mass shootings. I do have a plan. As usual, my plan is brilliant. The United States government should confiscate all guns and replace them with squirt guns. Just think: that night club would not have killed near as many people because there aren't many cases of squirt guns drowning anyone. People could carry large super soakers which are very powerful. I've never tried it, but I have been informed
that one of those babies can knock birds out of a tree.
I would really love to test that scenario myself.
Humans are not the only species that have been killed by guns. Dogs, rabbits, deer, fish, bottles, cans, and snakes are shot instead of the birds God told us to shoot. I will include the 10 commandments for dogs in a future blog entry.
I have a special interview today with Rodney Rifle and Henry the handgun. Before I start the interviews which I know my readers are anxious to read, I want to mention that my mom noticed an anniversary this week. On June 21, 1970, my dad's friend, Dennis Ladage was killed in Vietnam. Daddy carried him back to the helicopter. As Bob Dylan said: too many people have died.
Here are interviews
Rodney: I have been asked how it feels to have aided and abetted murder. I am a rifle. I don't kill anyone. People that pull my trigger do the killing. A Sniper can kill someone with a chair. Of, course, killing from a distance is more difficult when the weapon is a chair.
Henry: I am tired of having to be taken from cold, dead hands. By the way, there are even handguns small enough th fit in Trump's baby hands. I haven't seen such small paws since I met a Chihuahua.
When I am president, I will work tirelessly to get a squirt gun into every humans hands. Of course, the humans will probably find a way to kill with them. Maybe acid instead of water. Watching out for the humans is a full time job for us dogs. Do I hear a wolf wolf?
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing my Big Plan)
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind
How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
These lyrics were written by Bob Dylan. Most of the older readers have heard these lyrics many times. I am sharing them once again because the humans are slow learners. Sadly, I think the answers have to be hurricane winds to get the humans to pay attention. Many of you have asked what, if elected president, I would do to stop all the mass shootings. I do have a plan. As usual, my plan is brilliant. The United States government should confiscate all guns and replace them with squirt guns. Just think: that night club would not have killed near as many people because there aren't many cases of squirt guns drowning anyone. People could carry large super soakers which are very powerful. I've never tried it, but I have been informed
that one of those babies can knock birds out of a tree.
I would really love to test that scenario myself.
Humans are not the only species that have been killed by guns. Dogs, rabbits, deer, fish, bottles, cans, and snakes are shot instead of the birds God told us to shoot. I will include the 10 commandments for dogs in a future blog entry.
I have a special interview today with Rodney Rifle and Henry the handgun. Before I start the interviews which I know my readers are anxious to read, I want to mention that my mom noticed an anniversary this week. On June 21, 1970, my dad's friend, Dennis Ladage was killed in Vietnam. Daddy carried him back to the helicopter. As Bob Dylan said: too many people have died.
Here are interviews
Rodney: I have been asked how it feels to have aided and abetted murder. I am a rifle. I don't kill anyone. People that pull my trigger do the killing. A Sniper can kill someone with a chair. Of, course, killing from a distance is more difficult when the weapon is a chair.
Henry: I am tired of having to be taken from cold, dead hands. By the way, there are even handguns small enough th fit in Trump's baby hands. I haven't seen such small paws since I met a Chihuahua.
When I am president, I will work tirelessly to get a squirt gun into every humans hands. Of course, the humans will probably find a way to kill with them. Maybe acid instead of water. Watching out for the humans is a full time job for us dogs. Do I hear a wolf wolf?
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing my Big Plan)
Thursday, June 16, 2016
No, Not the Bird Drapes
Humans should not be allowed to do any interior decorating. Case in point: My mom is thinking about buying new drapes for the living room
I think new drapes are a good idea. The metal blinds were destroyed because a dog can't see out the window when it is covered by those dumb blinds. The living room has a huge window and mom had originally planned to buy wooden blinds to compliment the oak floor. However, she realized that the wooden ones would face the same fate when a dog decides to look out the window. To be fair, those old blinds were very old, and they needed to be replaced so I was performing a public service for the humans.
Everything was going well until mom found drapes on the Internet with little birds printed on them. Dog spelled backwards is God. Bird spelled backward is drib. This is because I have heard that birds are not one of God's creatures. Dogs are one of his best creations. Dogs were created to help the humans and provide companionship. Birds cause trouble and drop poop bombs everywhere. I hope mom is thinking about those drapes to encourage the wild birds to fly into the window. I like I to give mom the benefit of the doubt, but she doesn't hate birds. Sometimes you can't talk sense to the humans
Demon Flash Bandit (Interior Decorator)
I think new drapes are a good idea. The metal blinds were destroyed because a dog can't see out the window when it is covered by those dumb blinds. The living room has a huge window and mom had originally planned to buy wooden blinds to compliment the oak floor. However, she realized that the wooden ones would face the same fate when a dog decides to look out the window. To be fair, those old blinds were very old, and they needed to be replaced so I was performing a public service for the humans.
Everything was going well until mom found drapes on the Internet with little birds printed on them. Dog spelled backwards is God. Bird spelled backward is drib. This is because I have heard that birds are not one of God's creatures. Dogs are one of his best creations. Dogs were created to help the humans and provide companionship. Birds cause trouble and drop poop bombs everywhere. I hope mom is thinking about those drapes to encourage the wild birds to fly into the window. I like I to give mom the benefit of the doubt, but she doesn't hate birds. Sometimes you can't talk sense to the humans
Demon Flash Bandit (Interior Decorator)
Monday, June 13, 2016
Sticks: Be Picky
Today's topic is sticks. A good stick can be enjoyed for hours on end. However, since sticks are essentially wood, they don't chew the same way. This is because some woods are hard woods and some are soft woods depending on which tree from which it came. Cherry is a hard wood which makes it good for furniture. Oak is medium so the humans use it a lot in flooring. Soft wood like pine has versatile uses, and it takes less time to grow a new tree.
You are probably wondering why any of this would make a difference to a dog. It happens to be very important to a dog. It is even more important to us. Hard wood sticks last longer. Pine has some resin type sap in it-and it isn't the good stuff like maple syrup. It smells like turpentine which brings up my next reason for choosing the right sticks--flavor. Apple and cherry taste better than lemon sticks. Although sticks are easy to find, if given a choice between sticks and bones, go for the bone. Both items taste better with maple syrup.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Sticks)
You are probably wondering why any of this would make a difference to a dog. It happens to be very important to a dog. It is even more important to us. Hard wood sticks last longer. Pine has some resin type sap in it-and it isn't the good stuff like maple syrup. It smells like turpentine which brings up my next reason for choosing the right sticks--flavor. Apple and cherry taste better than lemon sticks. Although sticks are easy to find, if given a choice between sticks and bones, go for the bone. Both items taste better with maple syrup.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Sticks)
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