Warning Humans Warning

Hollywood does produce much entertainment, and it gets some well deserved criticism at times.  In addition to great movies, some are just plain bad.  Soldiers Tinker Tailor Humans got a -100 from my scale of 1 to 10-1 being the worst.  The only thing the actors did on that show was smoke cigarettes.  If you find watching humans smoke cigarettes entertaining, then this is a must see film.  Hollywood does make occasional documentaries as a public service.  In past blogs and diary entries, I have written about the documentary series, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

I am very upset with my humom because she went on Amazon and ordered tomato seeds.  The worst thing is she ordered heirloom old German tomatoes.  They are in the house now, and they are growing as I write this blog.  I can hear them plotting to take over the Polish sausage and Polish ham I planted last year.  What happens when they meet with some killer cabbage
 I am automatically suspicious of cabbage.  You know cabbage can go bad.  One sniff of sauerkraut and you know it is up to no good
I don't like sausage or hot dogs so the tomatoes and cabbage can have them.  I draw the line at ham and bacon.  Do I hear a woof woof from the audience?  Wishing you a vegetable free summer!8

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning Humans)

Martha Stewart Gone Wild

I just received the copy of the Martha Stewart"s Gone Wild" bluray.  I have been waiting with great anticipation for it to arrive.  Getting the opportunity to see what Martha Stewart can make out of objects she finds in the wild has to be great video.  On her show, she once gathered twigs so she could make a picture frame. It has to be an inspiration for the poor and homeless to realize that they too can own a picture frame.  It is no longer an object for the wealthiest of humans.  In fact, there are a lot more interesting items from which to make the frame.  The dumpster is like a craft store that doesn't charge.  With a frame purchased for $1.00 at a dollar store, some glue, and some imagination, that frame will be the envy of all the dogs who see it.   Humans will.be so jealous, they will make fun of it.  However we know they want one too.  Imagine a banana peel frame?   For those willing to invest a little extra cash, you can glue uncooked macaroni  on the frames.  I think one with fruit flavored (for color) Cheerios glued on sold for $50,000 at an art auction.  I suppose that is how Martha  became wealthy.  She used wisdom.and creativity.  I heard she got her television show because after 4 hours in the woods, she built a stone house, made stick furniture,  hooked up electricity and plumbing, and had an open house party.  What an accomplishment!   In addition, she has made another "gone wild" video about animal rescue with a bunch of adorable baby seal pups.  Just type Martha Stewart Gone Wild into a search engine to watch it.  I am leaving you with this suggestion:  don't be jealous of people with interesting picture frames.  Make your own.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Ideas)

You Ain't Nothing but a Chipmunk

How many of my readers are familiar with the old television series, The Beverly Hillbillies, which aired about 50 years ago.  It was an entertaining show, and the humans on the show were good actors.  However, there is one character on that show who did an outstanding job.  Of course. I will tell you who he is: he is Duke, the hound dog.  Duke always gave a very regal performance on the show.  He graced the scenes with so much elegance whether he was napping or had to get up and walk around with Jed.  His name probably was not in the credits because, back then, dogs were often treated like animals.  Modern credits are longer than the show, and even feature the vendors who sold vegetables to the caterers.  Rumor has it that, within a decade, the credits will include credits for the audience.  Even Mrs. Drysdale's pampered poodle did not outdo old Duke.

Hounds were not "fancy dogs" like poodles.  Hounds were loyal companions to the humans.  Elvis Presley did not help the situation with his song, "You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog".  Why not "You Ain't Nothing but a Chipmunk or Squirrel"?

Music did become more understanding when the Beatles sang, "Its been a hard day's Night, and I've been working like a dog". When the Monkees sang, "I'm Gonna Buy me a Dog"........I still choke up when I hear that song!

I will close this blog by saying that Duke paved the way for future generation of dogs.  We love you Duke!

Demon Flash Bandit (Admirer of Duke)

The Laborer is Worthy of his Pay

I don't mean to brag, but I have the perfect job.  I am given cool toys and treats, my food is brought to me by the humans, and I can nap whenever I please.  This is why I don't understand why the humans are yapping so much about fast food workers being unskilled.  As far as this dog is concerned, making food is a noble calling.  I call it God's work. It is a job that I would be proud to do.  In.fact, when I was a puppy, I tried to climb out of the car to get  inside through the drive thru window.  My.dad stopped  me and told me they weren't hiring at that time
I think they could have used my help because earlier in the week, there were 3 cars in front of us so it took about 10 minutes to get my food.  Did I complain?  No, I did not.  However I did use my paw to blow the horn before my humans could stop me.  Obviously, I was not happy with the service.
Why so many of the humans get upset over a pay raise for fast food workers is beyond my comprehension.  If the job requires so little skill and work, why not just make a burger at home?  Even my brother Jeff, who does the cooking since Mom is no longer able to do so made some delicious burgers last week.  I know Angel and I had some.  My humans had salmon filets yesterday, and Mommy loved them. They did not share with the dogs, but that is because we won't eat fish.  Why would I eat food that is swimming around in its own poop.
Speaking of poop, not everyone can get a job cleaning septic tanks, but I know dogs would do it volunteerily just for fun.  What dog wouldn't want the job? In addition to the delightful aroma when you open the lid on the tank, Afterward, you get to drive around in a truck full of poop which makes you the envy of every dog who smells the truck pass.

My only conclusion is that most of the world's wealth is in the paws of a few very wealthy humans.  It is in their best interest to keep the poorer dogs jealous of every cent the other one gets.  It seems to me that paying more would allow them to hire employees who can do the job quickly and not mess up so many orders. It reminds me of a story mama dog used to tell me at bed time.
Once upon a time, 2 cats were fighting over one little fish.  Meanwhile the fat cat had a freezer full of fish.  They were so busy concentrating on the one fish, the fat cat took all the rest.  I expect behaviour like that from cats, but not from dogs.  We dogs are smarter than cats.  Personally, I think if humans were paid for doing a good job, I think many of the humans would be unemployed in all lines of work.
This is why I need your vote.  I have dog sense.  Humans are too jealous and illogical.  By the way, do humans understand the "paid by the hour concept?

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion)

New Episode: Lawsuits from Beyond the Grave

Today in the latest episode of my new television series, "Lawsuits from Beyond the Grave", I submit, Thomas Edison versus Apple-the computer people.  Apple is being sued because Apple's phone is infringing on several of Edison's patents.  Since I am of the dog species, I have never been to Edison's Menlo Park lab which used to be in New Jersey.  Henry Ford and Edison were friends, and Ford had Edison's compound moved to Greenfield Village in Dearborn, MI.  My humans have been there many times.  However, dogs like me aren't allowed.  When I become president, I will put a stop to that kind of treatment towards dogs.  The amazing point to this tirade is that many of his inventions are there including the lightbulb, but there is not one cell phone in the compound-except the ones owned by visitors.  I am wondering if I can film an episode of Alexander Graham Bell versus cell phone companies. However, the Edison versus Apple case is happening in real life.  You can look it up on the Internet.   I did not make it up.  Edison's great great great granddaughter is suing Apple.

Meanwhile, Gog is suing all companies that make things with wheels for infringing on his patent.  Yes, they had patents back then.  Drawings from that time  period are scattered in patent caves scattered all over the world.  I bet a lot of my readers had no idea Gog invented the wheel.  He discovered that, when you smooth the corners of a square. The resulting circle made moving stuff easier.
He is considered the most innovative inventor of his time.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Producer and Director)

Movie Review: The Adventures of Pepper and Paula

It is time for me to share a movie review.  Today's lucky movie is "The Adventures of Pepper and Polly".    This movie was made in 2015, and it stars a dog whose name is Pepper, and Mindy Raymond as pistol packing Paula.

Paula works for a small western attraction that features Paula stopping the bad guys.  Pepper was a stray dog Paula took in.  Humom said it reminds her of a local attraction  she and dad took my family to every summer, Stagecoach Stop.  My brothers loved it.  They had a train ride and robberies.  Humom said my brother Robert, used to.dress in his cowboy hat, long sleeved shirt, and blue jeans even in temperatures of 90 F+.  Daddy bought him 2 toy guns which he used to help shoot the villians.  I'm sure the sheriff appreciated his help.  The place is no longer operating so I never got to go there.  This movie brought back many pleasant memories for my humans.  It is a shame that so many small attractions get replaced by huge theme parks.  This dog thinks there is room for both types.

Angel and myself enjoyed this delightful movie, and recommend it to any dog who wants some entertainment.  I give it 4 paws up, kisses, my chicken dog toy, and several tail wags.  This is a must see movie!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Angel Zoom Smokey Gets a Thundercoat

I have not meant to neglect my blog, but I have been busy with my presidential campaign.  Kissing puppies and shaking paws takes more time than you would think.  I.have also had to spend some time listening to the barking from other candidates.  There is one important thing that I will do my best to enact.   I would make all expenses related to caring for a dog to be tax deductible.  These items include veterinary care  food, treats, toys, bones, and dog houses (even if the humans live in the house with the dog).    I think I am accurate when I say that none of the other candidates have mentioned where they stand on dog related issues.

A miracle has occured with Angel Zoom Smokey.  Whenever there is a thunderstorm, Angel.starts trying to hide from it.  She gets on top of furniture or under it.  The humans were afraid she would possibly injure herself.  Mom decided to buy her a thundercoat which is approved by the American Kennel Club.  She said it was probably a waste of money because Angel has run away from dog clothes since she was a puppy.  Even I wondered how she knew they were for her, .but evidently, she has a sixth sense that involves doggy fashion. WHen the cost arrived in the mail, she was actually I.interested in it.  She allowed the humans to put it on her, and she has been wearing it for 4 days now.  She refuses to let them take it off.  When she is wearing it, she is calmer.  Humom recommends the jacket to anyone whose dog is anxious.  Angel said it is like getting a perpetual .tummy rub, and she loves tummy rubs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Campaigning)