I'm not Getting "Guzzied Up"

Yesterday I was listening to my humans, Mommy and Jeff having a conversation. Have you ever listened to the humans? They can be hilarious and they don't even mean to be funny. They were discussing things that might be around in the future. How did they get on the subject? I swear this is true....it was because of the television show, Dexter. Jeff said that Dexter could teach his baby, Harrison to become a serial killer, and Mommy said the show won't be on long enough because Harrison is a baby now, and Jeff said they could set the show in the future, and have flying cars and that sort of thing. Yes, I suspect that I probably have funnier humans than average. I have yet to have another dog tell me that their humans have these sorts of discussions. Anyway, Mommy then told Jeff that when she was in the second grade in 1962, they were promised "picture phones". It was an exciting concept at the time--at least for the children. Now they have picture phones, and Jeff said that he could see why they wouldn't be so popular since no one wants to get "guzzied up" to talk on the phone. Jeff was born and raised in Michigan, and Mommy is a southerner so it did her heart good to see that he had picked up one of the funnier southern descriptions. Now Mommy is trying to find more ways to use the term, "guzzied up" in everyday conversation. It reminded her of an episode of Blackadder, when the general liked the word, goobledygook, and decided to work it into conversations more often. I can see where this could become embarrassing. I do not want to be in the middle of Petsmart looking over the toy aisle, and have Mommy ask me if I want to go to the clothing section so I can get guzzied up for some stupid event she thinks up. I'm sure the dogs in Brighton, Michigan would laugh and call me a redneck dog. It isn't that I really care. I think rednecks and dogs probably think along the same lines on many things. For example, if a redneck wants to have 10 cars sitting up on blocks in their front yard, I have yet to meet a dog who would mind. Anyway, all of this over a discussion of whether they think Dexter will teach their son to be a serial killer or not. I'm not sure which of the humans got the idea of having a "nice serial killer" show, but it seems to be a popular show so I guess it was a good idea. I do think that Dexter and his family could use a dog so that they look like a more normal family. Families are supposed to have dogs or at least a cat.

I have to go now, and NOT get guzzied up for a nap. How the humans ever got put in charge is beyond me. Maybe they got guzzied up and were put in charge by a guzzied up human. No dog would have put them in charge. We know how silly the humans can be.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Getting Guzzied Up)

You Might Be a Chicken.....

Many of my readers are probably familiar with the comedy of Jeff Foxworthy, who has done the world a service by letting them know how to identify rednecks. Today, I plan to offer a similar service by helping everyone identify chickens.

YOU MIGHT BE A CHICKEN:

1. If you have feathers and are being eaten by a dog, you might be a chicken.

2. If your brain is smaller than a peanut, you might be a chicken.

3. If you pee on your feathers, you might be a chicken.

4. If you get stuffing put up your butt, you might be a chicken.

5. If you have wings and can't fly, you might be a chicken.

6. If you run around after your head has been cut off, you might be a chicken.

7. If you lay eggs, you might be a chicken.

8. If you wear a disguise to look like human guys (Animaniacs), you might be a chicken.

9. If you wake people at dawn, you might be a chicken.

10. If you look around in paranoid fashion, you might be a chicken.

11. If you are contacted by the Easter Bunny in Spring for a huge egg order, you might be a chicken.

12. If you are in Angel Zoom Smokey's tummy , you might be a chicken.

13. If you shake your tail feathers, you might be a chicken.

14. If you hate Colonel Sanders, you might be a chicken.

15. If you do a stupid dance at a wedding, you might be a chicken.

16. If you allow Mel Gibson to voice a relative (movie, Chicken Run), you might be a chicken.

17. If you peck people on the neck, you might be a chicken vampire.

18. If you color your eggs, you might be a flamboyant chicken.

19. If you are scared by the initials, KFC, you might be a chicken.

20. If you avoid military service, you might be a chicken.

21. If the phrase, original recipe upsets you, you might be a chicken.

22. If Mr. Bean has ever gotten his head stuck in your butt, you might be a chicken (or turkey).

23. If you taste good with almonds, you might be a chicken.

24. If you can't tell if your baby is a boy or girl, you might be a chicken.

25. If you won't live in the state of Kentucky, you might be a chicken.

26. If Angel Zoom Smokey is following you around, you might be a chicken.

I hope this list helps you identify chickens when you meet them. They are good eating.

I might share some of my chicken jokes with you in a future blog, but I will end this blog with one chicken joke. Foghorn Leghorn. No, he may be a cartoon chicken, but he is not the joke. The joke is: What do you call a chicken who wakes a dog in the morning? Breakfast!!!!

I hope everyone has a good day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping Dogs to Identify Chickens)