My Opinion of Wendy's Pretzel Burger and Dog Nutrition

Wendy's has a new pretzel bacon burger which I volunteered to taste test for the humans. It is delicious. Normally, I'm not a big fan of bread, and I usually just eat the meat, but the pretzel bread is an exception--I did eat a few bites of it. You didn't expect a dog to eat it all, did you? The bacon on a burger is always an improvement. In fact, this dog would add bacon to bacon for the ultimate in good eating. I don't know why the humans haven't thought of topping bacon with bacon. Wait, Mom says Daddy learned that trick when he was young. I think she is suggesting that Daddy ate too much bacon than was good for him, but Daddy was the most brilliant human I've ever known. I would not have the lovely personality I have today if it had not been for him treating me like royalty. I say he was a genius who knew how to treat a dog! Anyway, I hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and I plan to go into the kitchen to see if I can find any bacon laying around on the floor in there. There probably is no bacon since Mommy doesn't seem to have the good sense to buy it very often. Doesn't she know that bacon is on a dog's basic list of nutritional needs which I will publish for the benefit of humans who didn't know about it. Here are the basic 4 food groups for dogs: Food Groups for Good Dog Nutrition by Demon Flash Bandit 1. Meat (Bacon in particular) 2. Candy (Suger is necessary to give a dog energy....Swedish Fish are my personal favorites) Note: Some of the humans don't think candy is good for us dogs so help yourself if they don't give it to you volunterily. I can't tell you how many times I've found hidden candy just by sniffing around the house. 3. Dog Treats (Anything from Milkbones to all the other delightful treats they make for dogs). I have found the yogurt coated bones from the local pet store to be particularly tasty! 4. Rawhide Bones. The best tasting are dingo bones, but any rawhide will do in a pinch. You need these bones to clean your teeth and keep you from being bored. Remember, kibble is disgusting, and if the humans insist on buying it, let them eat it. It isn't like the family dog wasted money on it! Demon Flash Bandit (Talking Dog Nutrition)

Garage Sale Advice from Demon Flash Bandit

I have been unable to write a blog for the past several days because of computer difficulties at this site. I'm not sure if the difficulties were the fault of the site, my computer, or both: but I'm sure that my loyal readers have missed my informative and helpful blogs! Luckily, I'm BACK!!! Summer is not my favorite season because of all the hot weather, but one thing that is good to do at this time of year if one wants to make some extra money is to have a garage sale. I have read many articles giving humans (and dogs) advice about how to have a good garage sale that will make the most money possible. As usual, if you want the best advice about how to make money having one, always come for my advice. If the humans would quit listening to other humans and stick to dogs for advice and guidance, the humans would be a lot more successful and much, much happier. What is my advice about how to make a bigger profit on a garage sale? My advice to the humans is- when you are ready to have a garage sale, you do it from your neighbor's garage. It makes you a lot more money because everything you sell is profitable.....if the neighbor has a classic Corvette, and you are offered $500.00 for it, that is $500.00 pure profit. The same goes for everything else in the garage, and it is a lot less work. You don't have to go through your own house to find things to sell, and then carry them out to the garage. The neighbor's stuff is already there, and ready to sell. If you happen to have a rich neighbor, choose that garage. Remember, the better the stuff in the garage, the more money you make. Once you are done with the garage sale, I recommend you invest the money into dingo bones since they are the best bones a dog can get! Good luck! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Giving Garage Sale Advice)

Shedd Aquarium in Chicago Adds Dogs

Today I want to discuss a place where my humans have been many times, and that place is the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, Illinois.  It is built by Lake Michigan adjacent to the Adler Planetarium and the Field Museum of Natural History.  The best thing about this aquarium is that, in addition to fish and water type animals, they now have dogs....yes DOGS!!!  My humans have not been there since they added dogs so maybe it is time for them to make a trip there again.  I would recommend it highly as a vacation destination because my humans always enjoyed the time they spent there, and Chicago has many other things to do for all different kinds of tastes.  When the Shedd Aquarium allows dogs to visit in addition to being part of the "show", then this dog will be one of the first to go there.  Allowing dogs in a "show" is the first step so all us dogs are watching and waiting to see when we can go and see the fishes!  Here is the link for those who want to know more about the aquarium:
http://www.sheddaquarium.org/plan_a_visit.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Shedd's Aquarium in Chicago)

Movie Review: The Lone Ranger

Today I will review the movie, The Lone Ranger.  Critics have been very hard on this movie, but this dog loved it, and that was in spite of the native American, Tonto, having a bird on his head.  As my regular readers are aware, I am not a fan of birds, but I'm okay with dead birds worn as part of a hat on a human's head.  I'm not saying it is a fashion statement that I would go for.  However,  if you are going to wear a bird on your head, as long as it isn't a live bird, I'm okay with it. 

The story is told by Tonto, and he explains how The Lone Ranger came to be.  As usual, Johnny Depp gives a spectacular (yes I said spectacular) performance as Tonto, and Armie Hammer is a very good Lone Ranger.  This movie was good enough that I  regret turning down a part in the film; but as you know, this dog is a busy dog who has napping to do.  Making a movie would interfere with that process.  I did enjoy the horse in this movie, and he definitely could be an honorary sled dog.  He has the independent spirit and intelligence of a Siberian husky. 

This was a very entertaining film, and I think it should be up for an Oscar for best picture, but it probably won't be because many of the Best Picture nominees are movies that  this dog considers inferior.  Sure, every now and then, a movie that deserves to win slips by like, The Artist which won best picture in 2011.  I can't tell you how pleased I was to see the dog in that movie win "best actor" also.  There are few actors in the history of the Oscars who deserved to win as much as that dog!

Anyway, this movie gets 12 paws up (again, I'm also using Angel Zoom Smokey and Phantom Fast Snowman), tails wags, kisses, and a milkbone.  That milkbone could be useful to Tonto if he needs to trade with someone to get something he needs.  On the human movie scale, I give it a 10 out of 10.  For those critics who think it is bad, I bet if you look it up, all of them would turn out to be humans.  I'm sure there isn't one dog among them.  Go and see this movie because this dog wants to see a sequel!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reveiwer)

Happy Birthday USA

Today is the birthday of the United States, and Angel Zoom Smokey and I are very excited about it.  Whenever one of us has a birthday, the other one gets the same present so we won't get jealous of each other and we are both happy.   I am looking forward to a very special present in honor of the country's birthday.  I'm not sure what kind of gift you would give to a country, but I'm guessing most humans give their countries something useful.  Perhaps they will give  one of those umbrella hats I mentioned yesterday so the flag can stay dry when it rains.  I never gave it much thought, but after giving it some thought, a country is not easy for which to buy gifts.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey and I are much easier to buy for so, if the humans want to, I'm sure the country wouldn't mind if they just get an extra gift for us and skip the gift for the country.  I'm sure the country will get so many gifts, there probably won't be time to open all of them in one day.

Since it is the birthday of the USA, I think it is only appropriate that I spend a few minutes telling how the USA came to be.  Many years ago, a man named Columbus was out on a fishing trip and he discovered the "new world".  It really wasn't a new world because the native Americans had been living in the "new world" for a long time, and they didn't think of it as a new world.  Of course, it was new to the Eurpoeans.  Spain, England, and France wanted to claim the new world.  The native Americans were "in the way" so the Europeans decided to either shoot them immediately or put them in areas where they could slowly starve to death.  This was called assimulation.  Actually, it was a bit short sighted since sometimes it is good to learn to accept other people and cultures as happened during World War 2.  The code used by the USA was actually based on the Navajo tribal language, and therefore, was not broken by the enemy.  I don't mean to get into a speech on tolerance here, but if you notice, most dogs accept dogs of other breeds.  Sure, I may not always understand why a chihuahua is barking, but I don't usually get upset about it.  If it bothers me, I just politely tell the chihuahua that, if he doesn't shut up, I will step on him with my paw.  If only the humans had the intelligence of us dogs!  Anyway, the Europeons ended up taking over the country, but the colonies, who were owned by England, got mad at King George III because he was insane.  I might add that much of European royalty was crazy largely because they kept intermarrying their cousins so that they wouldn't get any "common" blood.  Of course, this is not a good practice so I think that explains much of the stupidity of past centuries when countries were being run not just by stupid humans, but super stupid humans.  The colonists banned together and, under the guidance of George Washington, the colonists beat the British and got their independence.  Then the colonists became a country, but I've already spent enough time on this history lesson, and I know the dogs reading it will be getting antsy to go and eat a treat so that is it for today.  For those of you who want to know more, I would suggest many documentaries available on dvd, but stick with the cartoons.  If you can't trust someone like Bugs Bunny to be honest, who can you trust?

Demon Flash Bandit (Historian)

Gog: Cave Dog

There once was a time many, many moons ago, before humans evolved from the Neanderthal man to modern man--about 3 minutes ago-when dogs and humans were not friends.  Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.   The dinosaurs were big, ferocious, and friendly.  They kept annoying the humans by coming to their doors and knocking and wanting to visit.  The humans couldn't get anything done.  Then the worst happened, Alexander Graham Saurus invented the telephone.  Now the dinosaurs weren't just knocking at the humans cave doors, but they were calling them on the phone trying to sell them stuff that they didn't need like umbrella hats.  The worst part was that men didn't think they needed them, but then it rained, and they realized that they could have used to hat to catch rain to drink.  Because of the umbrella hats, dinosaurs became the humans' best friends, but the problem was that humans were the dinosaur's favorite snack which almost led to the extinction of the humans.  Then dogs came along, They started making fun of the dinosaurs-like the size of the T-Rex's arms.  The dinosaurs were very sensitive to teasing so they ran off and ended up jumping into some tar pits that they thought was a swimming pool.  I think this shows that the dinosaurs weren't any smarter than the humans.  The dogs came in and stopped the telemarketing calls by chewing the telephone cord, and barking at anyone who came to the door.  However, thanks largely to a billboard campaign put together by Gog, the famous cave dog who is considered the reason humans and dogs are friends, we dogs now join with many of the humans which happens to be the luckiest thing that ever happened  to humans in human history!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Gog, Cave Dog)

Demon Flash Bandit's Balloonfest

My humans did the unthinkable yesterday.  They went to the Balloonfest in Howell, MI and left Angel Zoom Smokey and myself alone for 3 hours--yes 3 hours.  I couldn't believe they would take such an eternity just to watch some balloons go up and walk around to buy stuff.  They should have at least had me along.  If they want to leave Angel Zoom Smokey at home, I can accept that, but I, Demon Flash Bandit should be out among my public.  It isn't just my humans that need my guidance, but all the humans can use the guidance and wisdom of me, The Deemster.  Humans left to their own devices usually always have problems, and the humans are about as good at solving problems as they are at biting fleas.  I might add, how many humans have you ever seen trying to bite a flea?  Next year, I am going to buy a couple of balloons and put air in them, and have my own Balloonfest here at the house.  Then the humans will have no reason to leave me and go somewhere else.  I should have thought of the idea sooner.  I guess hanging around the humans so much is hurting my genius!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Got Left at Home for 3 Hours)