Conflict

I have a problem with my humans.  The day after Christmas. my brother. Jeff, returned to his retail job and came home with a bug which he gave to Mommy. This has kept me from writing a blog for a couple of days because my "secretary" was sick.  Mommy made Jeff watch the video I have posted, and she told him that the next time he finds a pet "bug", he should do what the abominable snowman does.....kiss it and hug it and call it George, but DO NOT BRING IT HOME!  I think he should do what I do.  When a bug annoys me, I eat it.

Back to the blog subject:  I have a problem.  Since what Mommy had was the flu or a "cold", I made the mistake of saying that I didn't want to get a cold.  Of course, I was referring to the nasty illness Mommy had.  However, I didn't stop to think that I am dealing with humans-who do not possess the brain power of us dogs.  What if they think I meant I didn't want to be cold?  I am a Siberian Husky, and as a husky, I love it when the weather is cold.  If Mommy thinks I don't want to be cold, she could move that that horrible state of Florida.  That is the state I visited with the "snow" covered beaches which turned out to be white sand.  To add insult to injury, it wasn't even cold--it was HOT!  As you can see, this creates a problem for me....how do I make sure the humans know I meant cold as an illness-not cold as in weather.  This is a conflict I would prefer to avoid.  Why  didn't I just say flu?  Even a genius dog like myself can make a mistake!

Demon Flash Bandit (Conflicted)

Stuart Little: Movie in Which a Mouse is Allowed to Drive a Car

I met a guy at the store, and he wanted to talk about the movie, Stuart Little.  For those who haven't seen it, it is an older movie (1999) in which a family adopts a mouse.  There was one family member who did not approve of the adoption, and that family member was the cat.  This movie annoyed me because they had Stuart driving a car.  Before I go any further, just how fair is it that they let a mouse drive around in a car when dogs aren't allowed to drive?  Or so my humans have told me when I get behind the steering wheel.  Dogs are much better drivers than mice.  I realize that Stuart was not actually driving the car, but it was being driven by his stunt double who was a rat.  A mouse could never drive a car because his back paws are not long enough to reach the pedals.   It  is good to have a stunt double.  I have one named Phantom Fast Snowdog.  The studios do not want me to take any risks when doing a film.  I can see their point--I'm way too valuable!

For those who want my movie review, I give this movie 4 paws up.  On the human movie scale it would be a 7 out of 10.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Drive)

Twas Christmas Eve in Dog's House

I got busy with the holidays, but this dog is back so I know my many loyal readers are thrilled.  I was going to share this poem on Christmas Eve so it is a little late, but I hope my readers will still find it enjoyable.

Twas Christmas Eve in  Dog's House

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
This dog got rid of vermin so there wasn't a mouse.
The stockings were yanked down from the chimney without care
They were filled with goodies and this dog wanted his share!

The puppies were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of rawhide bones danced in their heads.
When my human got tired and decided to nap
Which means this dog didn't get to sit on his lap.

When out on the lawn, there arose so much clatter
I got up from my bed and found me a bat so I could bat her
Away to the window I flew like the Flash (comic book super hero)
I opened it fast so their brains I could smash

This husky liked seeing the new fallen snow.
It reminded him that winter had some time to go
When what to my husky blue eyes did appear
But a sleigh with a fat guy pulled by tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver breaking all the speed laws
I knew in a moment it must be Santa Paws.
More rapid than a airplane, the reindeer they came
And he whisted and shouted and called them by name.

I'm not going to mention what he called the reindeer
There are a couple on the witness protection program is what I hear
Of course there was Rudolph leading the sleigh
He told me Santa needs him to show him the way.

As dry leaves before a wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky
As I turned my head, and was turning around
Down Santa Paws came with a bound.

He had lovely soft fur from his nose to his paws
And that fur was all covered with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back
He had toys for every dog in the pack

His eyes-how they twinkled, his face looked so merry
He eats so many cookies, he has a big belly
His mouth was drawn up in a grin
He was looking for cookies--not leaving them out  is a sin.
Out of his mouth, he had cookies he was chewing
I think he was hoping that he could turn on the tv and do some viewing


He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old dog
And I told him he would be healthier if he jogged
He noticed that I had eaten his cookies
He didn't seem to mind--he wasnt' a rookie


He barked not a wolf, but went right to his work
He filled all the stockings and turned with a jerk
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He picked it for hours-it was very gross.

He got up the chimney and called for his team
They hurried over because they were fast and lean.
But I heard him yell as he drove out of sight
Merry Chrismas to all and to all a good night!



The politcally correct ending is:
But I heard him explain as he drove out of sight
Happy Holidays to all and conserve the lights.
Yeah you are even supposed to watch your electricity useage.  Perhaps they should have thought of that before inventing so many electric appliances.  The humans even make electric toothbrushes-I guess moving the arm up and down is just too much work.  Wait a minute--it is too much work. I need an electric one too!

Demon Flash Bandit (Poet)

Movie Review: Frank

My brother bought the movie, Frank, on blu-ray, and I watched it with Mommy yesterday.  This movie is about a musical group of eccentric characters which stars Michael Fassbender, Dunhnall Gleeson, and Maggie Gyllenhaal.  The main character, Jon, is a musician who writes music, and he happens by sheer luck (good or bad is up to the watcher) to end up the keyboard player in the group.  The group is not your usual musicians because the main guy, Frank, wears a giant head.  He looks like a big, real life bobblehead.  The movie depicts them spending a lot of time recording an album which has a lot of experimental music which sounds like techno music to me.  The music wasn't the greatest, but it was okay.  The Howling Huskies are better (of which I am the lead howler).

The movie was based on a real life comic character, Frank Sidebottom, who was actually Chris Slevey from Great Britain.  I don't know if it is good that is is based on a real person or was based on a ficitious one.  There was a serious shortage of dogs in this film which made it less palatable than other films.  The movie is okay, but it gets kind of boring at times.  How much can you enjoy listening to a bunch of would be performers practicing their songs?  Some of those songs aren't particularly good so that is not fun.

On my doggy movie scale, I give it a growl.  I sould suggest that your time could be better spent either napping (my activity of preference) or by watching a good movie--Snow Dogs and Eight Below come to mind.  However, any of the dog movies would be better.  On the human movie scale, I give it a 5 1/2.  I do think that a psychiatrist would have been a welcome addition to that group of humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Why Aren't All Humans Rich?

Yesterday's blog was about the worst word in the English language--WORK.  Today I am going to  discuss how the humans can avoid work and have more leisure time.  Most states have lotteries where you pick 6 numbers, and you can turn $1.00 into millions of dollars.  Why don't the humans just buy a lottery ticket so that they can stay home with their dogs, and still have plenty of money to spend?  Although I don't really need more money  since my humans watch out for my finances, having some extra money in one's pocket does make you feel like a big dog!  Therefore, I plan to buy a lottery ticket the next time I go to the store.  Like every other dog I think it is wise to have some bones stored for a boneless day  Choosing the numbers 1 2 3 4 5 6 seems way too under-creative so my numbers will be 2 3 4 5 6 7.  After collecting my big money, I will be the same unspoiled, sweet puppy you know me as now.  of course, I might be paying the humans to carry me outside to use the facilities.  Wouldn't you think the humans would catch onto this easy method to make money.  I think some of them think work is good for you--silly humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Soon to be a Very Rich Dog)

Work: Worst Word in the English Language

Dogs, my blog subject today is WORK.  Work is a four letter word that is probably the worst one you can use.  As a "working breed". I think I am an expert on the subject.  Fido Webster defines work as the vilest if all human activities with the possible exception of getting a colonoscopy.   I think they put the humans to sleep when they do that procedure.  If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself in Fido's Dictionary-for sale at the finest pet stores everywhere.   By the way, both work and colonoscopies are alike--both are instrusive and a pain in the butt.

Whenever I hear someone say that they "love" their job or even "like" their job, I assume that they are not actually working.  Many humans get paid for doing "jobs" that aren't bad--like sitting behind a desk.  However, those who really "work" are the ones who get to do the jobs no one else wants--like digging ditches or picking vegetables.   This is why we go out into space so we can bring back labor who will be forced to work cheap at jobs no one wants.  I can think of no other logical explanation for our trips to the moon or for having a space station.  It isn't like spacecrafts are pulling up to the station ordering a tank of gas.  As cheap as some of the aliens are, they would probably just be stopping to use the space restroom.


This is why we dogs who are of superior intelligence to the humans refuse to get sucked into the whole work world.  Most of us do it by looking cute and taking a lot of naps.  If a walk to another room exhausts a dog to the point that he needs to take a nap, the humans will usually leave said dog alone.  Score 1 for the dog and 0 for the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Work--Bad Word)

Christmas Presents for the Dog

In reference to yesterday's blog, Nuke North Korea, I decided that waiting on the governent to take action would be too long since they can't ever seem to agree with each other and get anything done.  That  is when I decided to take matters into my own paws, and make a bomb myself.  I checked the Internet for places where I could buy plutonium.  As Doc Brown said in the movie, Back to the Future, you can't just get plutonium in 1955.  Sheldon, from the Big Bang Theory said that if you try to get some, Homeland Security calls your Mother.  I have to agree with Sheldon.  Yes, my human got a call from Homeland Security.  This means that the matter is in the hands of Congress so it may be 10 years before anything is done about this situation.  I do think the humans at Homeland Security were sympathic to my idea.  Several of them patted me on the head and said "good boy".  Then they told me to let the governent handle it.

On a better subject, Angel's human grandma sent her and me a package of Christmas presents, and I'm sure she wanted us to have them now.   Personally, I think she sent all of them to me because she knows what a pain it is for me to put up with her granddaughter.  I'm so glad to see Christmas is so near.  I love Christmas.  Whenever I get a bunch of gifts, that is a good day for me!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Christmas)

Nuke North Korea!

Just when you thought it was safe to give an interview (if you think interviews are easy, then you are not a dog who has tried to interview  a porcupine--talk about a sticky situation);  Sony cancelled a movie starring Seth Rogen, The Interview.   This was done because the humans in North Korea got upset that the movie depicted an assasination attempt on their leader,  Rev. Sun Myung Moon, who gave up a promising career annoying people in public selling flowers (this has been a few decades ago).  to run North Korea.  As I've said many times if the world continues to be run by humans you are just asking for trouble.  The only thing worse would be to have it run by birds.  I shudder at that thought.  Anyway, Sony has caved into their demands and they are refusing to show the movie.  Normally, Seth Rogen movies are okay, but if they were going to cancel one, it should have been Pineapple Express, which was not one of his better movies. If Sony shows the movie, North Korea plans to attack various theatres and other things on American soil.   I don't think Sony should cancel this movie's preimere, nor do I think that the U. S. government should allow threats like that to go unanswered.  If Korea can attack us, I don't see why we can't attack them. It could even blamed  by latent flower allergies that were caused by all those flowers sold by Rev. Sun Myung Moon and his followers  The stupidest thing about North Korea is that they don't seem to understand something that every elementary school puppy understands.  If you want to be a bully, then you had better be bigger and stronger than the ones you are picking on because if they don't back down, you are going to get your tail beaten.  Dogs know this almost immediately, and the only breed who doesn't get it are the chihuahuas.  One of those little dogs will go after a Great Dane.  Of course, the Great Dane (most of which are a nice, laid back breed of dogs), almost choke laughing at the chihuahua.  I can't blame them.  The last time I met one, he started barking at me and telling me how tough he was, and I told him that he would make a great shoe for one of my paws,  Of course he was safe because this dog does not allow the humans to put shoes on my paws.  Besides, the constant barking of the chihuahua would eventually get on my nerves.  It is hard to nap when your paw won't shut up.  I think Congress should get behind Sony, and declare war on North Korea.  Perhaps the threat of a nuclear weapon being dropped on Korea might calm them down.  After they  calm down, Seth could go over there on a peace mission and, after sharing some of his special smokes with them, maybe they could learn to be more laid back.  You never saw a movie where Cheech and Chong were going to war. By the way, the majority of humans don't get upset over these things, but some of the leaders and particularly the one there, are insane.

Demon Flash Bandit (War Should be Declared)

Rules for Tipping the Wait Staff

Today's blog is about money--tips to be exact.   Many of my fellow dogs have written me and said, "Demon Flash Bandit, how much of a tip should I give the human who brings me my food?   This concerns the dog population more so than the human population  because the humans usually bring us our food.  By the way, counter surfing does not count in this since, technically, the dog is getting the food himself.  DOGS:  you are not expected to leave a tip in this situation.  The humans are supposed to give us our food, and we don't even have to pay for the food we get.  It is a privilege for the humans to get to feed us.  However, I have been known to give my humans an extra big kiss and the opportunity to rub my butt or my tummy particularly when I've had a very good meal--like the $10 a pound ham I prefer over the $6.00 a pound ham.  Just be careful because you don't want to spoil the humans with too much attention and love since it is their job to feed us so we are doing them a favor letting them do so.

The above advice is for dogs.  Now I will write for the humans who keep asking me that same question.  Yes, it is hard being a genius dog who has everyone come to me for advice and wisdom.  To be fair, who are they going to go to other than a dog?  Another human (like a human has any useful information about anything).  I have heard some of the humans say that the word, TIPS means To Insure Prompt Service.  Many humans say this is not true, and I can see their point.  What if you order a chicken breast (Angel's menu choice)? The waitress or waiter brings you a raw piece of chicken promptly.  It is easier to be prompt if you don't cook the food.  I would eat it anyway because that is just the kind of polite, easy to deal with customer I am, but most of the humans would be sending it back complaining that it is raw.  As you know, there is no pleasing some of the humans!  Does the wait staff deserve a bigger tip for being prompt or do they deserve the regular 15% for typical service?  Answer:  the regular tip--not any less or more.  Most of the wait staff do not even make minimum wage because their employers have had the foresight to charge for their products, and then expect the customer to pay their staff.  I think this whole problem could be better solved if the restaurant had to pay a better wage to begin with.  They could charge more for their food, but it would save the insanity of the humans having to do math at the table after eating.  This is a considerable feat for the humans since I don't enjoy doing math, and I'm a dog.  Most of the humans can't count above 10 unless they take off their shoes.  I always leave the waitress a tip.  I want to make sure the waitress has done the proper amount of peeing on my food to make it tasty.  You can't put a price tag on that kind of service.  This is why I am a generous dog with tips.  I want to reward a waitress who goes the extra pee for me.

There are some other situations where the humans expect tips.  One is the groomer.  Groomers do not deserve a tip.  They should get into a different line of work.  No dog wants to get a bath and have them bugging us with grooming.  If God had wanted a dog to be groomed, we would be born with a comb in one of our paws,  Since no puppy has ever been born with a comb in a paw, obviously God does not want dogs to be bathed.  Therefore, grooming is an evil vocation that should be stopped immediately--before my humans can book me for an appointment.

Another useless occupation if that of a hotel maid.  They expect tips also, but why should a dog pay for a service he didn't ask for?  When I check into a hotel room, I do not ask that it be "clean".  In fact, I get annoyed at the maids.  They clean up all the interesting smells and amenities which were left in a room.  I don't need the toilet sanitized.  I can lick it clean myself, and enjoy doing it.  Why should I leave a tip for something I prefer to do myself?

The bottom line of this blog is that it is okay to leave tips, but dogs are exempt from any kind of payment because we are dogs.  If humans were as cute as we are, they wouldn't have to pay either!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tipping Rules)

Buses Need to be Stopped

Did you know that children are carried to school on buses named "Bluebird"?  I'm sure the humans think nothing about it, but this dog knows that it is subtle "brainwashing" of the humans when they are  just wee puppies to make them think birds are safe and good.  Sure, it sounds okay.  The mommy human puts the human puppy on the bus, hardly noticing that the bus is a "blue bird".  However,  the child grows up thinking that birds are not going to hurt them, and are safe and good.  This is part of their plan for world domination.....get the humans to think that birds are benevolent, nice creatures and then unleash the BTO (Bird Take Over).  There are  some dogs, even with our genius brains compared to that of the humans, who are fooled by birds.  If they can fool a dog, you know that fooling the human is a piece of cake....I'll have mine with ice cream.....thank you.  Therefore, I am going to bark before congress about the need to legally change the name of the buses from Blue Bird to Evil Bird.  With a name like Evil Bird, some of the humans (albeit a small amount of them) might actually see what the birds are planning.  By the way when I become President, I will make a cabinet of dogs to check into things like this that might have slipped by us dogs.  I also plan to put my pals from Texas, Whitley and Finley in charge of squirrel control.  I'm sure they would do a great job.  By the way, Mommy has a new cousin in Plano, Texas named Colleen.  She is a sweet little human puppy who is lucky to be born into a great family---yes, the family has dogs.  I said they were great, didn't I?

Demon Flash Bandit (Blue Bird Buses Need to be Stopped)

Snowy: Star of New Show on My Network

As the head of programming at the Demon Flash Bandit Broadcasting Network, I am pleased to announce a new program that will be airing soon on The Dog Channel.  The new show is called,  Snowy's Nineteen Puppies, and it is a reality show based on the real Great Dane in Pennsylvania who gave birth to 19 puppies recently.  I have to admit that I got the idea from that reality show on TLC that features a human familly with 19 or 39 human puppies.  I suspect they aren't sure of the number because they probably lost count after the first 11.  Of course, that is about all the shows will share in common since Snowy is a dog, and therefore, a much more intelligent parent than the human variety.  The puppies are adorable, and I'm sure the viewers will find them much more fun to watch then a bunch of human puppies who mainly eat and sleep for the first year of their life-very much like us dogs when we are adults.  Snowy will be homeschooling the puppies so the humans watching the show might learn something.  One lesson is how to catch a mouse as easily as a cat does.  That particular lesson was very useful to me the last time I was in the yard and I caught a mouse!  My humans were so pleased with me.  They told me I was a good boy and then they took the mouse before I even got a chance to taste it!  I bet they wanted to eat it themselves.

I really don't know why the humans would attempt to have so many children.  They seem to have enough trouble taking care of themselves, but I think there are simpler ways to learn to count than to continue having babies.  Perhaps that Count from Sesame Street could give them some pointers.  I'm glad my humans didnt' think like the Duggars.  I would be tired if I had to keep a watch on so many humans.  It would be exhausting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Announcing  New Television Show)

Wrong Purchase!

My Mommy (the adoptive human one) bought a new purse recently.  This purchase proves that humans should not be allowed to shop without their dogs with them. That is probably why most stores don't allow dogs to enter-dogs wouldn't let their humans buy stupid stuff..  Don't get me wrong.  She needed a new purse, and the one she got is nice, but it has a name on it, and that name is Jessica Simpson.  My Mommy's name is not Jessica Simpson.  I'm not even sure which Simpson Jessica is---is she the one who is always "eating" a pacifier?  When I saw that purse, I took Mommy aside and suggested she take it back to the store and get a different one with her own name (or a nameless purse) instead.  Did she listen?  No, she did not.  This is why the landfills are so full of useless junk.  You can sell the humans almost anything.  They are incredibly stupid.  Should they be in charge of buying our treats?  This dog doesn't think so!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wrong Purse)

Bird Chips: Delicious Snack!

My humans were snacking on some potato chips which they seem to enjoy,  but I refuse to eat any of them.  I have been offered, but am just uninterested.  I'm not a big fan of the potato, and I think it is cruel to eat any of the members of the Potato Head family.  However. if the humans would start producing bird chips, I would definitely be willing to try one of them.  I bet I would really like them too.  Just think about it--a dead bird defeathered and fried in "chip" pieces.  I think the big food companies need to hire more dogs on their staff of future items to make.  I know plenty of dogs that would also enjoy deer chips, squirrel chips, and rat chips---and many more.  Humans don't tend to think about snacks like that, but we dogs think about them all the time which is why we would be valuable employees.  They can start with that big yellow bird who lives on Sesame Street  No bird should be that big.  I'm quite sure that Sesame Street is another planet because that Big Bird is an illegal alien if I ever saw one, and I've seen quite a few.  When will the nice humans at Lays make some bird chips for a dog to enjoy?  And wouldn't it be easier to make Big Bird into chips than to deport him?

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Bird Chips)

The Christmas Tree is Up

I'm begining to really enjoy the whole wolfday (birthday) scenerio around here.  Mommy had a birthday yesterday, and Angel and I got presents too.  She said it would not be a good wolfday if the dogs didn't have fun.  I have to admit that my humom is a very wise lady, and more humans should think like she does!  We dogs would be a whole lot happier if all the humans had that attitude.  I love my new Christmas themed toy ( a squeaky plush dog dressed as Santa Paws).

My humans have done the impossible this year.  The Christmas tree is already up and was up during Thanksgiving weekend.  I'm not sure if the humans really deserve any applause for their part in putting it in early since they never took it down from last year.  Mommy seldom even enters the living room so I think she decided that if it didn't bother my brothers, why should it bother her?  On the good side, It does save a lot of work, and my brothers seem to be very good at working as little as possible.  There is a good chance that they might be dogs, or they have just learned a lot from hanging out for wise learning at my paws.  The humans would have much easier lives if they learned from the wise teachings of their dogs!

One really important Christmas item that Mommy bought this year and it is already up is an inflatable Santa's sleigh being pulled by huskies.  I have got to admit that is my favorite decoration, and I think Mommy should order another one.  I don't think one can ever have enough of a cool decoration like that!  I can envision a whole yard full of them.  Wouldn't that be fantastic?

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready for Christmas)

Thanksgiving Was Fun

I hope all my pals had a good Thanksgiving.  Mine was nice largely because Mommy sprang for the expensive maple honey ham that I love.   My brother bought it at the deli when he picked up my family's traditional Christmas pizzas.  I think it is great that the humans in my house give in to traditions since traditions can be so important in  life.  Mommy always tells us the story of the first Thanksgiving when the Pilgrims came over on a cruise ship--probably that Norwegian line.  I've read that most of the ships don't fly under a U.S. flag so they can get out of the Coast Guards many safety concerns.  Whenever there is a problem like the Titanic going down, the humans start counting lifeboats and lifejackets.  If I were President, I would demand that everyone who goes on a cruise ship should know how to swim--just in case they hit an ice berg or UFO or something like that.  Don't think that life was easy for those early Pilgrims.  Their cruise ships did not have all the games or swimming pools.  It was a hard voyage that only included all you can eat buffets.  Even in the old days, you had to have something interesting to get the humans to go on board.  The Pilgrims ship pulled in at Plymouth Rock, and the Pilgrims said, "Why is there only a rock here?  Where are the casinos?"  Obviously, they traveled here to gamble at the Native American Indian casinos.  There was no casino in Plymouth, and it was winter and cold so the Pilgrims got back into the ship and cruised to the Bahamas where they had great all you can eat buffets, and it was nice and warm.  After enjoying a few days at Disneyworld and Universal Studios (which were very popular even in the 1700's), they got back in the ship and returned to England.  However, they told all their neighbors back in Europe how much fun the trip had been so the shipping lines started scheduling regular trips from Europe to the new world.  Some of the people enjoyed the touristy stuff so much that they decided to stay which is how the new world became populated with so many people of European descent.  If you want to read more about this subject, I suggest you read the book, Meet the Pilgrims by John Wayne (yes, the actor).  Meanwhile I hope those of you reading my blog had a nice Thanksgiving, and may you have been given the expensive ham--not the cheap stuff!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoyed Thanksgiving)

November 21: My Wolfday!

For those of you who have been wondering why I haven't written, this dog has been celebrating my "wolfday", which is a birthday for those of the human persuasion.  On November 21, I became an 11 year old dog.  I overheard the humans say that 11 is old for a dog-not that I feel old.  However, I decided to call up the Social Security Office to tell them where to send my pension check.  A dog can always use extra money to buy treats and toys.  Imagine my shock when I was told that dogs don't qualify for pensions  Yeah, I was VERY ANNOYED!!!  The tax is even called F.I.D.C. which stands for Furry Incurablycute Dogs need Cash.   I think the name says it all.  We dogs are furry, and cute beyond cuteness, and we need cash!  The government has been taking the milkbones out of my mouth since I was a wee puppy, and now that I am old enough to collect, I am told that dogs don't get pensions  Don't be surprised is you are on the Internet one day and you see a title, Demon Flash Bandit Takes Social Security to the Supreme Court.  I'm sure the dogs sitting on the bench will understand the injustice of my situation, and will start sending out checks to all of us older dogs.

The humans did give me a nice wolfday.  Mommy even spent $10 a pound on my favorite maple honey ham.  I could add that she could buy me that ham everyday if she wasn't a cheapskate, but at least she got it for me on my wolfday!  My favorite toy is a squirrel puzzle.  It is a stump filled with 3 small squirrels that a dog can take out and put back in.  So far, I have taken them out and lined them up where I can keep an eye on them.  It is not a good idea to let squirrels run through the house without supervision.  I am still mad at the one outside that hit my nose with an acorn.  Why did the humans give me the gift of squirrels?  It is because humans are stupid, and don't have the sense God gave a worm.  Incidentally, worms are edible if a dog wants something different to eat.  I know one dog who ate half a worm, and let the half grow back so he could eat it again.  That dog fed on one worm for a very long time.  His humans weren't impressed, but his fellow dogs thought he was super cool!  Mommy gave Angel 3 little hedgehogs in a stump which is also a puzzle toy.  After a couple of days of Angel ignoring it, I took it.  After all, it was my wolfday and I think all the presents should be mine.  William bought me a cool new plush squeaky toy, and Jeff gave us dingo treats.  It was a great wolfday, but would have been better with the addition of a ;pension check.  I'm sure the dogs on the Supreme Court will make the humans at Social Security sorry they didn't grant me my check first thing!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Celebrated Wolfday!)

Puppy Support!

 A Great Dane in Pennsylvania named Snowy was blessed with 19 puppies.  I don't know this dog personally so I was not invited to the puppy shower (we dogs don't like puppy showers anyway).   The presents are nice, but how many dogs really want a bath?  I know I don't.  I know it must be a financial strain for the Dane family to have so many new mouths to feed so I think we dogs should consider sending gifts.  I bet that is a couple who will never get a divorce because having to pay puppy support for so many puppies could bankrupt a Daddy dog.  I myself was interested in having puppies until my humans told me that I would have to pay puppy support, and then I was not interested.  It is bad enough that I have to share my treats with Angel Zoom Smokey.  I don't need to share with a bunch of puppies-even if they do look like Angel and me and are very cute!  In fact, I feel sorry for the Dane Daddy Dog.  Can you imagine how much it cost him to hand out the milkbones announcing the birth?  Speaking of milkbones, I could use a couple of them now.  I better quit writing and get myself some bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Puppy Support)

My Ham Doesn't Need a First Name!

A dog has to watch the humans every step of the way!  Today I was offered Oscar Mayer ham for dinner.  I'm sure there are dogs reading this who would say, "Demon, that sounds like a good dinner to me".  I guess it would have been if I hadn't smelled the bags that came into the house.  One was a honey, maple ham which smelled great.  I  noticed that the Oscar Mayer ham was $5.00 a pound, and the other ham was $10.00 a pound.  I refused to eat the "cheap" ham and I held out to the point that I got the expensive ham.  The moral of this is:  the dog should always eat the best stuff--the cheap stuff is for the humans!  Humans will eat anything.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes the Best)

My Birthday is Coming Soon!!!

0My human usually types my blog for me as I dictate it to her.  (I guess that makes me a "dictator")..  However, today I have sneaked onto the computer to type a blog for myself.  My birthday is coming up next week, and I want lots and lots of presents.  I'm sure my many readers want me to have plenty of treats and toys also.  Therefore, I am going to share my information with my readers.  Send gifts to:
Demon Flash Bandit
Howell, MI

Thanks in advance for the many gifts I will be receiving.  Don't forget:  I Love dingo brand bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cartoon Comment

Fake Dogs Vs. Squirrels

I have not written for a couple of days because I have been on a mission to get the squirrel who dropped (threw) an acorn at my nose.  I decided to spend time studying different strategies that countries have used in time of war to win the advantage.  Although asking my dog friends to come over and help me catch a squirrel would be met with enthusiasm, I know that their humans might not be able to survive without them so I had to come up with a practical plan to get those squirrels on the run.  The ancient Greeks had a great idea when they gave the people of Troy a giant horse with soldiers hidden inside.  In World War 1, the humans came up with the idea of "dummy tanks" which were tanks which were made of wood or "inflatable".  They weren't widely used until World War 2, both the armies used them as decoys to fool the enemy into thinking that there were more tanks than there actually were.  In keeping with the spirit of the inflatable tanks. I invented an inflatable dog, and now my yard is being guarded by inflatable Siberian Huskies.  I bet that squirrel will think twice before he throws an acorn at my nose.  For those who want to read more about the tanks, here is the site:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dummy_tank

For those who are interested, I plan to market these dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit
(Fake Dogs Vs. Squirrels)

Squirrels: Enemies of Dogs

I was strolling through the yard one day in the merry merry month of November.  I was taken by surprise when an acorn hit my nose.  That squirrel in the tree needs to go!  Therefore, I barked at him and I would have chased him, but that little coward wouldn't come down from the tree to face me.  I tried to climb the tree to get to him, but that proved impossible.  I guess dogs are not experts at tree climbing.  Anyway, now squirrels are on my list of dog enemies.  I think they have been influenced by birds since both of the species hang around in trees.  I wonder how squirrels taste.  I wil be finding out if I ever get my paws on one of them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Squirrels)

Thumbs Up to Thumbs

Am I the only dog who is tired of humans bragging about their thumbs?  I wish I had a milkbone for every human conversation I have overheard on the subject.  You know what I mean--you are at a dinner party, and the humans are having their usual dinner conversation (which is always about their thumbs).  You know the speech.....blah blah blah....I have thumbs.....blah blah blah.... my dog doesn't have thumbs.......blah blah blah.....I can open the refrigerator.....blah blah blah.....I can hitchhilke and get a free ride anywhere I want to go...blah blah blah....  You get the idea!  This is why, I, Demon Flash Bandit, dog genius, have invented an artificial thumb!!!  Please hold the applause until the end of my blog because I need to take a nap, and I don't want all the cheering to delay that action (or more accurately, inaction).  Now we dogs are able to do anything the humans can do which is wonderful.  The best thing I can do with my new thumb invention is to give myself a thumbs up.  For all my grateful fellow dogs:  you are welcome!

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)

I Should Have Been Governor

There was a recent election in the United States.  This one was not a Presidential election so I was not officially running for office.  As usual, I will be throwing my paw into the mix in 2 years.  I was a bit disappointed with the outcome of the governor's race in Michigan.  Although I was not officially running, I was sure that I would become governor due to a large percentage of write in votes.  The incumbent won so that means there will be 4 more years of a human in office.  When are the humans going to get smart and vote dogs in office instead?  Then they wonder why they have so many problems.  Dogs are smarter and more efficient, and we would get things done.  There are homeless dogs out there and the humans can't seem to fix the problem.  There are plenty of humans who need dogs and just don't realize they do because they are stupid humans. I would pass a law to educate those humans so they aren't so stupid anymore.  Anyway, it won't be long until I will be starting my campaign for the presidency; but until then, I will continue to blog about things of interest to me.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Should Have Been Elected the Govdogenator)

My Stomach Is Always Right

It has been another great day for mail around this house.  Mommy got a really cool blanket she ordered with a bunch of family photos on it, and of course, that means Angel and me are on it along with my pal, Flash the bunny Mommy had about 10 years ago.  If anyone is interested in having one, it is from a place called collage.com, and Mommy found it on wwwlivingsocialdeals.com  They have a lot of cool offers on things on that site.  Mommy got the new HP laptop she ordered. I've heard some of the humans are using apples, but that just goes to show you how dumb they are.  Apples are something you eat, not something you use for the Internet.  I saved the best items for last--another 10 pound box of Milkbones for yours truly.  There was also a bunch of theatre size boxes of Mike and Ikes which Angel Zoom Smokey and I look forward to enjoying every night.  I don't see why we can't eat them all the time because I LOVE them so much.  However, Mommy won't let me have any until I have finished my dinner.  Yeah, I think it is mean too!  Despite all the good things coming to the door today, I did have a long "talk" with Mommy.  You might even call it an argument.  I maintain that the 10 pounds of Milkbone is meant to be 10 servings since a pound is a reasonable serving amount.  Mommy  claims that a pound is too many milkbones for a dog.  Although my argument is the most logical, she has been winning because the bones are out of the reach of my paws.  I think it is sad that the humans come up with these wierd ideas with no scientific research whatsoever.  I base my whole argument on science.  I asked my tummy if it was still hungry, and it wasn't full until I ate a pound of them.  Next time I'll sit back and let my tummy do the talking just like in this old Alka-Seltzer commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ADRgzUez1E

Dogs: Experts on Bones

Mommy has been watching a television program called Bones.  With a title like that, I got all excited.  I knew it had to be a great show.  I assumed it would be hosted by and starring dogs.  Who else knows more about bones than a dog?  You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the show is written by and starring humans.  Sure, there is one episode with a dog, but the dog isn't even the center of attention, and he gets euthanized at the end of the show.  I did not approve of that ending, but the poor dog was a victim of stupid humans which, sadly, happens too much in real life.  The show is  a documentaryy about a forensic anthropologist who is an expert in bones.  It is erroneous since the "expert" is a human, and only a dog would be smart enough to specialize in bones.  I have eaten so many bones in my life, that I can tell you all about the animal from which the bone is derived by taste alone.  The humans in the show never even once have eaten a bone.  If you have never eaten a bone, how can you know anything about them?  I'm sure the humans find the show enjoyable, but I don't recommend it for dogs.  Just nap while your humans watch it!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bone Expert)

Humans Should Not Clean a Dog's Cave

My humans have been doing the unthinkable today--they have been cleaning out my cave!  They started the cleaning without my permission, and without asking Angel Zoom Smokey either, and she likes to hang out in the cave too.  Therefore, we both have toys, bones, and extra special things that the humans don't need to know about in there.  I suspect that the unknown stuff is one reason the humans clean out the cave every now and then.  I think the cave should be off limits to the humans. Maybe if they were armed with a search warrant, I would allow it, but they had no such paperwork.  They said Angel and I are hoarders, and they said it like it is an insult when it should be a compliment.  I've watched those hoarders shows on television, and I don't see any thing wrong with the way they live.  Many of them have dogs, and the dogs don't seem upset with the stuff in the house.   In fact, some of the dogs probably enjoy it because if they have an accident in the house, the humans don't even know about it.  Those lucky dogs don't have to worry about being given a bath either.  Many times the bathtub in the house is unusable which, if you ask a dog, is how it should be.  Now that the humans have cleaned out my cave.  Angel and I will have to start decorating it all over again.  It is a shame that just when a dog gets his cave the way he wants it, the humans ruin it.  If it wasn't for them feeding me, I would be super mad at them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Leave my Cave Alone)

Aliens: Do They Exist or Not?

A lot of the humans here in the United States talk about how "illegal aliens" are sneaking across our borders to live here and take our jobs.  I don't quite see the problem with the "taking the jobs" part because, as a dog, I prefer not to work.  I sit back and let the humans take care of me, and it is a system that I like.  I wasn't aware that the average American wanted to pick grapes or work in a car wash, but for those humans, I can see why they are so upset.  My biggest issue is that I don't understand about aliens in the first place.  I wasn't aware that aliens could be "legal".  I would think that it would be hard to sneak into this country.  Wouldn't someone see the spaceship and notice strange, unhuman looking characters getting out of it?  Since I am unaware of any legal aliens, how did the illegal ones manage to sneak in here?  I don't think they posess superior intelligence since they are travelling millions of miles to pick produce.  Maybe they don't have produce on their planet, and they are trying to steal our seeds to take back to their planet--planet What's Its Name. If you should see an alien, try to get a photo.  I'm sure you  will be able to see it to a tabloid for a lot of cash.

Demon Flash Bandit (Taking a Stand on Political Issues)

Thieves: Starting Young

Another Howloween has come and gone, and this dog is glad to see it end.  At least this year, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were not subjected to a new Howloween costume because the humans must have finally given up on trying to get us to wear one.  It took years, but our husky stubbornness in the face of human stupidity has finally triumphed!  I have to admit that I am not a big fan of Howloween.  I don't mind the giant forest with pumpkin and owl inflatable that Mommy bought for the holiday.  The humans like Howloween, and that is okay with me, but I can never like a holiday that encourages kids in the neighborhood to come to the door to get free candy.  That candy was mine and Angel Zoom Smokey's candy. When Mommy bought it, Angel even yelled "hers" which she yells about everything because she is under the mistaken impression that everything is hers when it is really MINE!  I do hope my fellow dogs and their humans had a wonderful Howloween, and I hope that the kids in your neighborhood didn't steal all your candy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thieves in the Neighborhood)

Humans Lack Gratitude

It is time for me to write a new blog so I'm sure my readers are excited that they are going to get to read more of my observations about life among the humans.  I am sure that I am not the only dog who has noticed that the humans do not have the appreciation for gifts that we dogs have.  I can only assume that is because they do not learn good manners from their Mommies like I did when I was a puppy.  Case in point-  Angel Zoom Smokey found a mouse in the yard when she was outside.  She could have eaten it immediately, and the humans would have been none the wiser.  However, she is a good dog so she decided to bring it into the house to give it to our humans since they are so nice to us.  Besides, she would rather eat chicken so she said that the humans could give her their share of the chicken and eat the mouse instead.  Yeah, I thought that the humans would be thrilled to get such a wonderful present.  It could only be better in my opinion if it happened to be a dead bird, but birds are harder to catch.  Imagine our surprise when humom saw the mouse and got all upset.  You would think she didn't like it or want it!!!!  Yes dogs, that is exactly what happened.  Instead of being thrilled, Mommy did not like it, want it, or allow it in the house.  She wouldn't even let Angel Zoom Smokey keep it either.  The ingratitude of the humans in my family is just shameful!  I told Angel not to expect a thank you note.  I know the humans won't send her one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Humans and Their Lack of Gratitude)

Keep the Milkbones Coming!

The humans are always coming up with interesting new products.  The latest one I noticed on Amazon is a combo item which is an ironing board and step stool.  I can see needing a step stool.  My humans are always trying to put things up out of my reach, and a step stool would be useful for me to get to those items I want.  Of course, if  I had a step stool, my humans would probably just try to put things even higher so that eventually, I would need an extension ladder to get to the stuff.  However, I don't really see the need for an ironing board because I don't dress in clothing, and have no intention of doing so.  Thank dog, my humans know how I think because there was a box that came in the mail today, and it had a 10 lb. box of Milkbones and theatre size boxes of Mike and Ikes.  Angel and I both love Mike and Ikes.  I'm so glad my humom knows what I like.  When Jeff orders stuff, it usually involves blurays.  I prefer milkbones and Mike and Ikes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Knows What He Likes)

Demon Flash Bandit: Package Inspector

The contents of packages that arrive at our home lately has vastly improved.  Today, there was a box filled with bubblegum flavor rawhide bones.   Angel and I could smell them from outside the box, and we were both super excited for the box to get opened.  I was even willing to open it for the humans, but they opened it fast so I could enjoy my prize!  Angel and I always sniff every box that arrives at our house.  You never know when some terrorist organization might send something like anthrax in a box so we are only concerned with our humans' welfare.  If there happens to be dog treats in the box, then that is just an added perk to the job we do.  Dogs:  always on duty watching out for our humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Package Sniffing Dog)

I Prefer the "Dingo" Brand of Rawhide Bones

Mommy gave me a rawhide bone and she gave one to Angel Zoom Smokey too.  Being the doggy genius that I am and knowing how stupid the humans are, I realized that both bones were supposed to be mine. Therefore,  I took steps to regain my property.  I took my bone that Angel had when she got distracted.  Then she did the same thing to me.  My humom refers to this as playing "musical bones".  Evidently, that is a reference to a silly human game involving chairs, but I don't see it since there is not music involved in our game.  That is, unless you count my whining when Angel has my bones, music.  If so, then there is music involved.  I also want to add that, although I do apreciate my humans buying me bones, these two bones were regular rawhide bones which are tasty.  However, I prefer (and so does Angel), dingo brand bones.  They cost more, but we are worth every penny of that cost.  I hate it when the humans get  cheap with us dogs.  I say, if they want to save money, quit spending on themselves.  Angel and I came up with a delightful plan to save the humans tons of cash.  During the winter, if they would just turn off the furnace, they would save a small fortune on their gas bill, and Angel and I would be a lot happier because we love the cold.  In addition, my humans could get pet penquins.  I will even overlook them being of the bird family.  Any animal who enjoys cold and snow as much as we do is okay with me.  I plan to share this idea with my humans in the next couple of days because they are already operating the stupid heater!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dingo Bones Instead of Heat)

Dogs Are Allowed in This Museum

Barking as a dog, and how else am I going to bark since I am a dog, I'm sure that I'm not the only dog who has experienced prejudice on the part of the human population.  There are many places that the humans do not allow dogs to enjoy because they are "only for humans".  I don't think I need to explain how stupid that policy happens to be.  I've seen plenty of humans who shouldn't be allowed in places because they can't behave themselves.  For example, there was a human who entered a theatre in Colorado a few years back and shot and killed a bunch of other humans during a premiere showing of Batman.  I have never watched the news and saw a bunch of humans or dogs being killed because a dog entered a place and started shooting.  Yet the humans, in their infinite stupidity allow other humans into places, and discriminate against us dogs.  No, it doesn't make sense to me either.  This is why I want to share a "feel good" piece of news that I ran across on the Internet.  The place is even a place where an intellectual dog such as myself would enjoy attending--a museum.  That museum is the American Kennel Club Museum of the Dog which is located in St. Louis, Missouri.  I haven't been there myself, but I would love to visit!  They even have guest dogs pop in for visits!  Can you imagine how cool it would be if you could meet Marley from Marley and me or Demon from Snow Dogs?  I have not been invited to show up as a leading dog blogger, but I'm sure that is just an oversight.  They probably think I am too busy to be able to make an appearance.  Anyway, here is the link so you can read more about it, and maybe visit there yourself.  I suspect that cats aren't allowed so don't assume you can invite the family cat!

http://www.indystar.com/story/life/2014/10/18/dog-museum-st-louis-travel/17494897/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Visit "Dog Museum")

My Pal, Raja, Has Crossed Over the Bridge

It is with heavy heart that I write this blog today because I learned earlier today that my good pal in New Jersey, Raja, has crossed over the rainbow bridge to a better place.  Although I am sure Raja is healthy and happy where he is now, I will miss him.  I know his humans miss him more than they can put into words.  Raja was a world traveler (he had a blog about his travels), and he was also an author.  He wrote a book called The Journey of the Shih Tzu.  In this book, Raja honored me by including my photo.  It is a lovely book, and for those who are interested, you can see it at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg_Z0F9t558

This is one of those situations where words just can't possibly convey how badly I feel about Raja's passing.  I can only say that this dog will miss Raja!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sad Dog)

Texans: Where Are Your Guns?

This is one very disappointed dog.  From what I have read on the Internet, Texas has some new cases of ebola.  The hospital let patient zero (the one who started all the problems) go home.  Why am I disappointed?  Because it happened in  Texas.,  I thought the humans living in Texas would be able to take care of an outbreak of this magnitude.  Doesn't everyone in Texas carry a gun?  I thought that, by now, sone of those brave, young people would have shot everyone in the hospital just to be on the safe side.  After shooting everyone, it would be nice if they went ahead and blew up the building.  That would be my solution to  ebola.  In fact, I need to put in a call to the governor of Texas to ask him why they aren't preparing for the big blow up party in honor of the victims of the ebola virus.  I love discussing things of major importance with the humans in charge.  I wonder if it is possible to get the governor to go after birds next.  I bet they are spreading ebola as I write this!  Birds cannot be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates Birds)

Where is the Ice Cream?

Yesterday I did something that the humans considered super cute.  My Mommy had a box of toys in her bedroom which she was sorting through.  I walked over the box, and looked around the box.  I decided it was important to check it over before Mommy donates a toy that I might want to keep for myself to Purple Heart the next time the truck comes through the neighborhood.  As usual, I found a treasure.  That treasure is a Hot Wheels car.  I took the unopened package out of the box, and I proceded to tear it open.  The vehicle was inside, and it was a really small Good Humor Ice Cream truck.  I didn't play with it once it was open.   I walked away.  I looked it over good, and there were no tiny ice creams in the truck.  Therefore, I got no ice cream from the toy.  I hope you get more enjoyment out of my blog than I did over opening the truck!  I've got to go to the kitchen and see if there is any ice cream in there.  Where, oh where, is my ice cream?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Always Wants Ice Cream)

Angel Zoom Smokey Wants to be a Paw Model

After watching the movie, Don't Mess With the Zohan, Angel Zoom Smokey learned that the humans have hand models so she decided that she wanted to be a paw model  This photo is of her paw, and she wants to let everyone know that she is availabe for modeling jobs.  I think she needs to have her claws clipped and Mommy agrees with me, but has not been able to get her to the vet to do so.  Mommy is not able to drive temporarily because her leg is swollen.  I wish Angel the best, but I am not so sure that she needs to be a model.  Models often become vain and selfish creatures.  Since she is already vain and selfish (she refuses to give me her rawhide bones when I want them), I would not want to see her get any more so.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey is very stubborn and I'm sure she won't give up until she is the top paw model in the country.  My paw looks like hers (it is a little bigger), but I have no plans to be a paw model.  I prefer my life of doing as a please which involves a lot of napping.  I can just dream about being a top paw model--it is much easier than actually being one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Paw Modeling)

Dog Saved a Cat!!!

I saw a story on the Internet that says a cat was given a transfusion with blood from a dog, and the cat is doing okay!  I know some of my dog readers won't be happy about that announcement because some dogs hate cats, but I really don't mind cats.  In fact, it is good that I get along with other creatures because my humans had a pet Dutch bunny named Flash, and they brought Flash with them when they got me  .I would not have been bought by my humans if I had tried to eat the rabbit.  Instead, Flash and I became such great friends that my humans  honored me by giving me his name as my middle name.  When I was a puppy, there were cats all over the place.  I think my breeder might have been on her way to being a "crazy cat lady"--I'm only kidding. It was a farm so there were a lot of cats hanging out in the barn. They taught me how to wash myself, and also how to meow.  Yes, my humans heard me meowing when I was a puppy.  I am a dog of many talents.  Anyway, I think it is a nice, feel good story that makes a dog proud to be a dog.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not planning to share my blood with anyone because I don't enjoy going to the dog dr. and being poked with needles.  However, I would do it if Angel Zoom Smokey or one of my pals needed blood from me.

The only issue I have with this is that it is okay to give blood to a cat, but what if they want to take a dog's blood and give it to a squirrel or, the ultimate insult to dogs, give it to a bird.  I think birds are evil and I would NEVER want to see a dog's blood go to save a bird.  They are evil and, as such, do not deserve medical care.  I know there are some bleeding bird liberals who won't agree with me, but they are wrong.  Birds are useless creatures who steal a dog's snow (and have the nerve to sing about it in the spring), and all they do is drop bird bombs on everyone below them.  My human daddy explained all this to me because he was annoyed that some birds bombed his car.  My daddy was very fond of his cars, and did not appreciate their bombs.  Daddy was the wisest human in existence because he is the one who told Mommy that I should eat human food instead of dog food.  I've seen dog food, and I know Daddy was right--as usual.  Birds should never be given a blood transfusion--not even from another bird.  The only good bird is a bird on the grill covered in barbeque sauce!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blood Transfusions)

It is Official: Dogs are Intelligent

Big news on the Internet for the humans:  dogs are smarter than the humans thought we were!  Although it is nice to read that some of the humans have finally realized how smart we are,  I'm not so sure that it is a good thing.  For example, earlier today, my humans blocked the way to my cave with some boxes because they were cleaning.  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself hate it when the humans clean the house, but that isn't the point of this blog.  The point is that the humans had blocked the way into my cave and I was not happy.  I took my paw and put it inside the bottom box so that the boxes on top would topple over so I could get back into my cave.  I doubt that my humans would be smart enough to do that.  Let's face it, if they were smart, they wouldn't have blocked the way to my cave in the first place.  In fact, they would not be cleaning.  We dogs don't waste time and energy cleaning because we are highly intelligent, evolved creatures.  If the humans realize we are smart, some of the behavior we exhibit like my pulling down the boxes might get us into trouble.  It is much nicer when we do as we please and the humans think we don't know what we are doing.  I personally do not want to be responsible for the actions I do when my humans annoy me.  However, it is nice that some humans do recognize our intelligence.  Here is the link so you can read about it for yourself.

http://www.vox.com/xpress/2014/10/6/6918159/dog-intelligence-emotions

One good thing about the article is that it also mentions that we dogs are capable of love, but I suspect our humans know that already!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Intelligence)

Demon Flash Bandit: Interior Decorator

Today I had yet another task that only a dog can do around here.  It was my job to check the treasure trove of great stuff that the humans refer to as "garbage".  I can only assume that the stuff thrown in there is of great value since the humans don't even keep it in their houses.  With the exception of  "hoarders"-those humans like to keep their valuables within sight, most humans put their garbage into storage.   However, as a dog, I also like to have some of the treasures where I can see them and smell them.  I'm sure the dogs reading this know what I mean.  Anyway, I'm glad I took the time to check it before the humans put in in storage.  There was an entire empty bag of those bacon strips (bacon/peanut butter flavor) that I love so much.  I rescued that bag because it did not need to be in storage.  I put it in my cave, and then I continued as the day went on to rip it into tiny pieces on the floor of her bedroom.  Now the bedroom has that "dog lives here" look that the humans just can't achieve on their own.  The humans are so lucky to have me.  Without me, the house would not look like it does, and I did it free.   Humans, you are welcome!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Interior Decorator)

Star Trek Enterprise and Capt. Porthos

I am wondering why there are no Star Trek Enterprise action figures with Capt. Porthos.  All us dogs know that Porthos was the one who was really running the ship.  You don't think the humans would be able to pull off such a complicated feat, do you?  Yet all the major toy companies only sell human Star Trek figures.  This is largely because toy companies are run by humans; and, as such, are run stupidly.  However, after doing a bit of research on the Internet, I did find a human who understands the importance of Porthos and he made himself a custom Archer and Porthos.  Kudos to this human (or is it really a dog?).  I don't think Porthos is for sale, but he is cool, and I approve of him.  Perhaps the toy companies will find out about this figure, and make one that any dog can buy.  I know I would buy an action figure of a dog.  It makes more sense than buying a human action figure.  In fact, all human action figures should come with dogs.  You know that the humans wouldn't know what to do if not for their dogs.  They might as well admit it when they make toys.  Here is the link so you can see Porthos for yourself:

http://megomuseum.com/community/showthread.php?10131-Captain-Jonathan-Archer-(Star-Trek-Enterprise)-with-a-better-Porthos!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Admires Capt. Porthos)

Demon Flash Bandit Does Standup Comedy

Yesterday, Detroit Edison turned off the electricity at our house twice.  It wasn't off for a long time--maybe 15 minutes at the most, but those were 15 minutes of mayhem around here.  I have mentioned in the past that Angel Zoom Smokey has issues with it getting dark in the house so lights are left on in rooms she is in 24 hours a day.  I think she is getting a kickback of dingo bones from the electric company, but you do not want to be around her when it gets dark.  Because it was dark for 15 minutes, Angel Zoom Smokey acted like a maniac from an insane asylum. She was actually standing on Mommy's dresser, and Mommy has one of those dressers that were popular in the past which is solid wood with shelves and drawers on  top so there is maybe 8 inches of space on the dresser itself.  Yes, Angel Zoom Smokey, Siberian Husky, was standing on that small area.  She even jumped in to the bath tub in an attempt to get away from whatever nasty monster was stealing the light.  I told her it was birds so now I have an even more fervent bird hater than myself.  Who says a dog can't turn a situation into his advantage?  Mommy was beginning to get annoyed with her because she also managed to scratch Mommy's arm, and Mommy takes blood thinners so when it bleeds, it bleeds a lot.  A bandage solved the problem, and Mommy knew that she did not mean to hurt Mommy.  Angel was just scared.  How did I handle the situation?  I was in the other room when it happened.  I walked into the room, and immediately made everyone laugh by asking if the humans had  paid the electric bill.  They had so I was hilarious.  Then I did what I do during most household crisis.  I took a nap.  Then the electricity came back on, and everyone was happy.  Angel Zoom Smokey took a nap, and all was forgotten.  However, the bathtub had to be one of the dumbest places to go when you are scared--like a bath will make it better.  Angel Zoom Smokey has got to learn to think more like a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (He-Man Dog Who Made Everyone Laugh at Crisis)

My Pal, Whitley, is Right as Usual

My last blog was about Mommy ordering the Christmas inflatable that has 2 Siberian huskies pulling Santa in his sleigh.  Whitley made a comment that was wise and insightful. (What else would you expect from a dog?)  Santa should have been pulling the huskies.  I don't mean to sound harsh, but Santa is a fat guy; and as such, he should not expect dogs to pull him around.  I bet he weighs more than both dogs put together!  Whitley's wisdom did not stop there (I can see why Whitley went to Harvard).  Whitley says that the item is reinforcing the idea that dogs should work and this is something  that is wrong for the humans to think.  In fact, the humans even have a group of dogs who are considered "working breeds"  As a husky, I am among that group, and this dog resents that category.  Why should any dog have to work?  Isn't it enough work watching out for the humans and entertaining them with our antics.  I won't even bother to list how we spend much of our lives decorating the humans' homes, and they don't even appreciate our efforts.  I just wrote a letter to the manufacturer suggesting that they make a new inflatable with Santa pulling the huskies.  It would be nice if the huskies were eating some bacon in the sleigh while Santa pulls them along.  I hope they are going to Burger King or Wendys for a snack!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Resents Being a "Working Breed")

Husky Pulling Santa's Sleigh

Guess what Mommy got in the mail yesterday!!!  It is an inflatable sleigh with Santa on it being pulled by 2 Siberian Huskies.  Finally, the humans bought something that meets this dog's approval besides bacon and dog treats!  I think that this has to be the coolest Christmas decoration Mom has bought since she bought the husky coming out of the chimney.  If her goal is to make the neighbors envious, I'm sure she has nailed it because I am letting all the dogs on the block know that she got them because of Angel and me.  I think it would be cuter is Santa was pulling the huskies, but for something designed by humans, it is amazing that it is as cute as it is.  Finally, some human  said, "you know what we need to make a great Christmas decoration---DOGS!!!  They were right for once.  It seldom happens, but the humans do occasionally do something right and this proves it!  Here is the link so you can see how cool it is:

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Inflatable-Santa-Sleigh-Decoration/dp/B00LLLG9Q6/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1412209557&sr=8-2-fkmr1&keywords=inflatable+huskies+pulling+Santa%27s+sled

Be sure and show it to your humans-particularly if you are a sled dog.  You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing New Christmas Decoration)

Demon Flash Bandit: Dog Film Director

Great news for all dogs---there is now a company that makes it possible for us to make our own films!  Finally someone has read my blog and listened to my wisdom.  I always say movies would be better with all dog casts.  In fact, I know my blog is influencing the Internet world when I talk about getting gussied up, and within a couple of days, I read on MSN news that people are getting gussied up for George Clooney's wedding.  I should start a consulting company to advise the humans on what they should sell.  I'd make them billions!  Anyway, I told my humans to buy me this "dog" camcorder so I can make the kind of epic motion picture that the humans have been waiting for since time began.  Of course, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself will star.  I will become even more famous and iconic than I am now.  I've heard about Paul Newman's baby blue eyes, but that will be replaced with Demon Flash Bandit's puppy blue eyes among the humans.  I'm sure my movie will make more money and be a bigger box office smash than Avatar or Titanic.  I even plan to do a couple of "art films" involving lawn art among dogs which is seldom appreciated by the humans.  For those dogs out there who also want to make their own epic movie, and I can just see Whitley or Finley making one about chasing squirrels, I am going to share the link.  Happy filming!!!!
http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2014/09/27/make-your-dog-a-filmmaker-with-the-gopro-fetch/16201111/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Director)

Silly Hats, Politics, Religion, and Sharing Food

I just finished watching one of the sickest "human love scenes" ever filmed.  After watching it, I am amazed that this Showtime program was even allowed to air it in the first place.  That television show is The Borgias.  Mommy bought the second and third season on blu ray.  (She already has the first season), and she liked the show so she bought more seasons from Amazon.)  I was watching it with Mommy, and I could scarcely believe what I was seeing with my own beautiful blue eyes.  Yes, I need to mention my eye color because the humans seem really impressed when I meet them, and they see my puppy blue eyes.  Anyway, in the aforementioned scene, a couple was about to get together, and they started the whole thing with food.  I'm sure all my dog readers will be thinking, "Demon, that sounds like a good start, why are you so upset with the show?".  I'll try to explain it so even the humans will understand.  They started the session with a fig. The woman handed the fig to the man and he took a bite.  Then the woman took a bite.  Then they both put their tongues each other's mouths.  Obviously, each human was trying to score both bites!  I've never had a fig so maybe the figs don't taste good, and the "loser" gets both bites and the "winner" is the one who didn't get anything at all.  However, if the food happened to be a piece of bacon, that would be a no-brainer (which means even the humans "get it").  I would know that both humans want both pieces of bacon!!!!   I should add that the humans playing the roles were thin, Hollywood" types.  I'm sure the fat humans would understand why the dogs are so mad about that scene.  Fat humans are smart enough to know that you can't let that sort of thin happens!

By the way, while I am writing this, I might as well give the show a review while I'm here.  The Borgias happens to be a "historical" show based on real life events.  It would have been better with an all dog cast, but we dogs know  that already.  You don't need to read about it in my blog!  The story is about the church (Catholic) and politics.  I think the reason there was a lot of clerics in the movie is because there was a silly hat convention in Rome during that time period.  If wearing a silly hat wasn't enough, many of the silly hat wearers were men wearing dresses.  My guess is that those humans are trying to pitch a new concept reality show to the network executives  Personally, I don't think it is a bad idea for a reality show--humans wearing silly hats and dresses,...I'd watch that show!   I would wait and watch the whole Borgias series before I post my review, but it was an okay show.  It was filmed well, and the special effects were good.  However, if you are of the dog persuasion, I would stick with something that is better--Snow Dogs or Eight Below come to mind.  I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Love is Never Having Your Food "Stolen")

Grumpy Cat's Phone Was Hacked

I now know how so many of the celebrities feel when they have their telephones hacked and nude photos are leaked onto the Internet.  I myself am a victim of that crime.  Yes, I had some photos of myself without clothing on the Internet that were on my telephone.  Thank dog I was wearing my fur.  To be fair, I would not store any "furless" photos on my phone anyway.  I keep my fur on just as God intended for a dog to do.  If I did shave my fur, I would not allow anyone to take photos, and I don't keep embarrassing photos on my phone.  Why the human celebrities don't think the same way is beyond me.  I get the feeling that they don't care and they want the attention.  Yesterday I wrote about Honey Boo Boo and her family, and I heard that Mama June had some nude photos leaked.  This dog won't be looking for them.  I'm glad I taught my humans better sense than to keep photos like that on their phones.  There is one celebrity who was hacked who has my sympathy.  Grumpy Cat had nude photos leaked from the phone, and, as you can imagine, the cat is very grumpy about  it.  I feel bad for the cat.  Cats aren't as smart as dogs or humans so they don't know any better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Put Embarrassing Photos in Phones)

Chickens are Not Pets

Who would have expected Mama June and Sugar Bear (Honey Boo Boo's parents) to separate?  I'm not even sure if a couple who aren't married can officially "separate" either.  I'm not saying that they can't choose to go separate ways, but it isn't like there is any legal agreement for them to stay together.  Perhaps they should have a non-commitment ceremony so the viewers of the show will get yet another chance to see Mama June and Honey Boo Boo guzzied up in their finest clothing.  For those of you who don't bark colloquial words, guzzied means dressed up.  How could this happen?  If there is one family in the U.S. who seem to have it all together, it is them.  Not since Cinderella and her Prince (or the other fairy tale royal couples) has there been such a perfect couple.  I'm sure all of us are wondering if Honey Boo Boo will stay the sweet well behaved chereb that she is or if she will become an annoying little brat.    I would say we can all watch and wait to see what happens.  However, I am not a fan of the show, and I don't watch it.  It is just that Honey Boo Boo has become such a star that even those of us who don't watch the show know who they are barking about in the news.  I'm not sure, but I think she has a pet chicken.  What kind of decent humans have a chicken as a pet?  Angel Zoom Smokey said if a chicken enters our yard, it is either dinner or a snack depending on the size of the chicken--or the time of day.  If it in the morning, it could be breakfast.  Since  chicken is part of the bird family, I can't watch the show.  If you ask me, it is a severely messed up family who should not be on television, No family should have a pet bird....NEVER...NEVER...NEVER!!   Birds are evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Honey Boo Boo)

Makin' Bacon Recipe

Today's blog is a recipe for a real treat for us dogs--how to make your own bacon at home.  It is supposed to taste even better than commercially made bacon from the store.  I don't know how that is possible because the bacon I eat is delicious, but if you can make it even better, I'm all for that!  I would like to tell you that I tried to make this myself and report the results, but I can't impart that information.  I did try to make it, but you start with pork bellies.  Is it my fault that the pork bellies smelled pretty good without being made into bacon?  I have to admit that I gave into the temptation to eat them before they became bacon.  I'm not complaining about my lack of will power because I am willing to continue trying to make bacon everyday.  That is just the kind of hard working, diligent dog I am!  Besides, it is hardly my fault that bacon tastes so good.  Anyway, I suggest you try making it yourself or better yet, get your humans to do it for you.  Why should a dog have to do the work?  That is what the humans are here for!  The only advantage to a dog doing it him or herself if that you get to eat the pork bellies that you don't get around to making into bacon.  It is a win-win situation for a dog either way.  Bacon or pork bellies--either way a dog gets some tasty meatz!  Here is the website to show you have to make bacon:

http://amazingribs.com/recipes/porknography/making_bacon_from_scratch.html

The site is helpful even though you don't make bacon from "scratch", you make it from pork bellies.  I'm sure a human must have come up with the title.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With a Love for Bacon)

No Trap can Hold Demon Flash Bandit

The score is humans: 2 and dogs: 3.  I guess I had better explain this score.  In the house my humans used to live in before they moved here, mice would occasionally get into the garage which was not attached to the house.  Mommy always kept some mouse killer stuff in there to keep them out.  Because this house has an attached 2 car garage, she sometimes gets a bit paranoid that mice might get into the garage and then get into the house.  I'm not sure how that would happen since the door to the garage is seldom used.  (At this moment in time, the garage is basically a big storage area with stuff no one needs.)  Yes, I know a garage is supposed to be meant for cars, but my humans aren't normal.  I think you have probably already noticed that from reading my blogs.  By the way, Mommy does not mind Mickey's cousins, but wants them to stay outside where they belong.  Anyway, Mommy got some glue traps for the house because she thought the traps were disgusting, and she was afraid Angel or I might get into the poison ones.  I once had a great time eating an ant trap.  No, it didn't even make me sick, but Mommy got super upset that I ate it.  Now she won't even use them anymore so I don't get to eat another tasty trap.  Now for the explanation of the score.  Once the traps were in place, both my brothers managed to step on them so the traps caught 2 humans.  Both Angel and I stepped on them and got our paws caught on them.  Then the funniest one was when Angel sat down on one and completely freaked out running through the house because something had her butt!  HILARIOUS!!!!!!!  Therefore, the score is 2 humans and 3 dogs.  No, there were no mice.  I don't think we ever had any of the little critters in the first place.  I did hear Mommy say that perhaps we should get a cat, but I barked that they should just use traps.  I have enough problems dealing with Angel Zoom Smokey.  I don't need a spoiled cat hanging around.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Was Caught in a Trap, but I Got Out)

Why Outlaw Candy?

Finally I understand why so many of my human neighbors around here are mad at the U.S. government.  Although most dogs don't get involved in politics, this dog has run for President several times already, and I plan to run again in the next election.  I feel that a dog can do a better job than a human paws down.  Anyway, the reason I am upset with the government is that I was napping the other day, and I heard someone say something about candy being illegal.  This dog happens to enjoy  some Mike and Ikes or Swedish fish everyday, and I don't want to have to get bootleg candy from the sweeteasy down the street.  You know that if an an area has a "candy house" in the neighborhood, it will draw all kinds of low lifes who just want to sit around and eat candy.  I'm not saying that I wouldn't enjoy that kind of lifestyle, but a dog has to do some napping and eat some regular meatz also.  I don't know of any dog who puts candy in their nose.  Obviously, this is something the stupid humans are doing.  Who knows why they put the candy in their noses?  Does it make sense to make candy illegal just because many of the humans are stupid?  Why does a dog have to suffer?  At least now I understand why my neighbors are so annoyed at the government.  They must love candy as much as I do.  I hope they watch the television series, Boardwalk Empire.  Prohibition caused a lot of violence and encouraged mobsters like Al Capone.  By the way, he looks like a human who enjoyed candy too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Put Candy in my Nose)

We'll Leave the Light on for Angel Zoom Smokey

My brother got a bunch of packages in the mail today, and all of it is worthless...worthless....worthless!  He did not order even one doggy treat, toy, or bone.  Can you believe it?  He ordered a stupid record for himself of the Ghostbuster song.  It is supposed to glow in the dark, but he came in to show Mommy that feature, and Mommy reminded him not to.  It seems that Angel Zoom Smokey freaks out whenever it gets dark, and she does not get excited if stuff glows in the dark.  She just wants the lights left on so my humans leave them on for her.  I've got to go now.  I plan to make a run to the kitchen to see if we have any bacon.  I don't think we do, but a dog can hope!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Ghostbusters when it Aids My Humans!

Sharing a Recipe for Dead Birds

As many of my readers are fully aware, I am a dog of many talents.  Today I am putting on my chef's hat and apron to share a recipe which I found interesting when I ran across it on the Internet.  By the way, I wrote a blog recently about the pope wearing a silly hat, and the chef's hat is equally silly.  In fact, most of human fashions are silly!  However, I promised my readers a recipe not a judgment on the humans and their lack of taste in fashion so here goes.  This is a delicacy among the Inuit peoples who live in the north.  Personally, I think these lucky people live in one of the nicest climates in the world, but many of the humans would not agree.  All us huskies like cold and snow.  The delicacy is a sealskin that is filled with birds and buried for 3 to 18 months.  Then they dig up the sealskin and eat the birds which have by that time fermented inside the sealskin.  Their dogs have told them it is delicious.  Meanwhile, their dogs are eating bacon.  Once again, the humans are fooled into eating garbage by their dogs.  However, I think it is great that the humans are killing  birds.  I wish more humans had their insight!


Demon Flash Bandit (Bacon is Even Better than Dead Birds)

Take Hostages if Necessary

Do you ever have one of those days when you eat your normal amount of food, but you are still hungry?  I had one of those days today.  I had chicken, but I was still hungry and I wanted ham.  Actually, I wanted bacon, but Mommy didn't have any bacon.  Imagine not having bacon on your shopping list!  My humom is so dumb!  Anyway, I was barking for more food, and my brother was watching television and ignoring me.  Low and behold, I saw a box with Jonathan Archer and his chair from the Enterprise, and I went over and grabbed it with my front paws, and I laid down next to it and held onto it with my paws.  My brothers are major Star Trek fans so I knew that would get their attention.  If they want the Enterprise and Archer back, the dog had to get some ham.  Yes, it worked.  I got ham and so did Angel Zoom Smokey.  I told her not to say I never did anything for her because we both enjoyed the ham.  This is my lesson to my fellow dogs for today.  If you want something from the humans, hold something they want hostage and you stand a better chance of getting what you want.  I know from experience, this method works!

Demon Flash Bandit (Holding Human Toy Hostage)

Does the Pope Wear a Funny Hat?

I think the humans have a brain.  Do they ever use said brain.?  Why do I ask?  Tonight my humom asked me if I wanted a treat.  I couldn't believe she even had to ask so I (sarcastically)  barked, "does the pope wear a funny hat?".  By the way, yes, the pope does wear a funny hat.   I'm guessing that is because he is a human and they are always wearing silly looking things.  Just the other day, Mommy said that she was shopping at Meijer and they had temporary dog fur dye and claw polish for dogs on clearance.  Thankfully, she left them sitting there because Angel and I have no plans to have a "day of beauty" which we would refer to as a "nightmare come to life".  I know the humans do silly things.  I've seen some of the humans with blue or purple hair.  Do they think the other humans are saying, "I wonder if that color is natural?  I'm not saying it matters.  If I were human, I'd probably be trying to look better too.  The humans have such a problem with looks--not much fur, trying to walk on their back paws, little semi-useless noses, and teeth that can't chew through a bone or stick.  I'd be upset if I were human, and I'd probably suggest buying me that fur dye and claw polish.  In addition to the humans lack of good looks, they lack the brains of us dogs too.  I can't say I'm not happy about that.  This dog has no intention of walking around picking up the humans' poop.  That is disgusting and sounds like a human job to me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Pick Up Human Poop)

Movie Review: The Eagle

Mommy bought a movie that is an insult to this dog.  The movie is called The Eagle.  I have no idea why Hollywood would make a movie starring a stupid bird or why my human would buy such a stupid movie.  Since I am being semi-forced to watch it, I will give a review of it in my blog.  My humans like it, but they are often wrong about such things.  The story takes place in Britain during the ancient Roman period and it is about some centurions who lose their eagle which is an eagle statue\ which they called a "standard".  I call it a shame to have a bird representing a group  On the good side,.  I guess even the Romans knew that carrying a real bird around would just get their uniforms dirty.  They are trying to get the eagle back which is a total waste of time.  I have to admit that I slept through most of this movie because it is about a bird, and I have better things to do than watch a movie about birds--namely napping.  I give this movie 4 paws down, and my tail is not wagging while I watch this movie about one of the most evil scourges on planet Earth, BIRDS!!!!!  What is next?  The Squirrel?  The Raccoon?  The Opossum?  If you ask me, when Hollywood has to start making bird movies and remakes of movies they made last year, I think that they have run out of ideas which is why there should be a dog in charge at the studios.  I would rather watch a movie with a dog sleeping for 2 hours than to watch a "bird" movie.  I hope the humans aren't fooled into liking birds because of this poor excuse for a movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

I Don't Like False Advertising

I have a bone to pick with the state of Michigan.  Okay, forget picking the bone with the state.  I'll take the entire bone myself, but I definitely have a valid complaint with the state.  This dog  bought a lottery ticket that is called Cash for Life.  It is one of those instant tickets that a dog can scratch so I scratched it with my lucky paw (actually, all my paws are lucky paws so I can use any of them).  Afterward,  I told my humans to go and claim my cash for life.  According to my humans, the ticket is a loser which makes no sense because it clearly says "cash for life".  If there is no cash for life then this dog has been a victim of a deceptive advertising.  Since this lottery is from the state, then Michigan is the guilty culprit.  Getting a dog to buy a ticket to get cash for life and then having the dog find out that there is a chance that he won't get that cash is just wrong---WRONG!!!!! I plan to hire a lawyer and sue the state to get my cash. Don't tell the state, but I might be willing to settle out of court for a good bone.  Bones are better than cash anyway since I would buy bones with any money I won anyway.  However, the lottery needs to end if everyone doesn't win.  Who wants to buy a ticket and pay good money for it to los?  I'm sure even the humans aren't that stupid.  I bet they don't know they could lose or they would not buy the tickets.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Deceived by Lottery)

Catering For Kisses!

My brother, Jeff who lives here with me ordered Amazon Prime.  This is largely because he is always ordering on Amazon, and he gets free shipping on most of his orders.  He also gets a bunch of television shows and movies free or at a small cost.  By the way, I am a nice dog to allow my brother to continue living at home, but he is a lot more fun than Angel Zoom Smokey.  Jeff seldom steals my treats, and I tell him what to do and he does it-unlike the other dog who lives here.  (I'm not mentioning names, but her initials are AZS.).  Anyway, Mommy and Jeff are very pleased with the service, and I got to admit that you would not expect such high technology from a company based in the Amazon Rain Forest. It muse be difficult for their employees to even get to work!  Yet they come through with such amazing ideas that a dog has to give them the 4 paw salute.  Mommy doesn't even have to use the computer to watch the stuff.  The stuff is "streamed" from the computer to the big screen tvs without the house even getting wet!  I think that is a special talent because most of the streams I know about are filled with water.

Now to get to the subject of my blog today which is the television show, Catering Wars,  This show only has 3 episodes, but the first one was interesting.  How did they capture my interest?  Because in the first episode, a lady hired the caterers to throw a "Bark Mitzvah" for her dog.  One of the caterers actually said "rich people ain't got no sense" in response to throwing a party for the dog. I did get offended by that statement.  Why not throw a party for a dog?  We dogs are a lot nicer than most of the humans, and we often love out families more than  the human's relatives do.  However, despite what one of the caterers said, they did a good job throwing the party for the dog;  and fortunately for the humans, we dogs are very forgiving partly because we know the humans are stupid so they say dumb things a lot!  The rest of the shows dealt with human parties and were basically uninteresting.  However, as I said,  the first episode is good.  All a dog has to do is fast forward through the human parties because, as usual, they are uninteresting.  In fact, I don't understand why more humans aren't operating catering and party planning businesses for dogs.  We like to eat and socialize even more so than the humans!  We also shower humans with lots of kisses when they are good to us, and what human doesn't want to be drenched in dog drool?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants a Catered Party)

Furless Human Passed up Star Wars Promo Figures!

My humans are watching a show called Pawn Stars which is ridiculous because I have yet to see a dog on the program.  Who wants to watch a bunch of stupid humans buying and selling stuff that a dog could care less about?  Besides, in one episode, the furless human passed up a couple of promo life sized Star Wars characters (Darth Maul and Jar Jar Binks).  He was only willing to pay $200. each for them, and the human who owned them would not sell them that cheap which  shows he was a lot smarter than the furless human at the pawn shop.  Yet, in the same episode, Mr. Furless bought a dr.s buggy, and paid $800 for it.  Sure, it is an antique, but to think that a dr.s buggy would sell better than something from Star Wars--even the 3 latest bad movies is ridiculous.  This is why I called up the studio and suggested a better program--Dog Stars.  A couple of dogs sleeping through the program would be more interesting than the humans on the show my humans were watching.  Mommy said she would have bought the Star Wars promos from the man.  I guess Mommy has more sense than the furless guy.  Mommy also realizes something that we dogs know already...most humans will buy movie memorabilia from a popular movie faster than they buy a presidential autograph.  Most of the humans aren't  "intellectuals".  I suspect some of them don't even know what the word "intelligence" even means.  They can't help it though--they are humans---not dogs.  I like to think that I have educated my humans with dog sense and that is why they are smarter about such things.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Good Taste)

I Like to Wear Camouiflage

Many humans get upset with their dogs because the dogs dig and sometimes come in from outside situations dirty and mud covered.  As usual, this is yet another misunderstanding between dogs (the more intelligent species) and humans.  A dog digs for a purpose.  There are many reasons for digging.  I will list a few of them on my blog.
1. Digging a hole so the humans may plant something new to enhance the landscaping.
2. Digging for ancient bones--who do you think started the idea of archaeology?
3. Checking the ground for bugs which both humans and dogs hate.
4. Relaxation...digging is very relaxing for a dog
5. Keeping claws trimmed naturally so that the humans
    saves money on  grooming or having the dogtor do it.
 6. Digging for buried treasure.  What if there is unfound pirate treasure in the back yard that would help the humans live a better life?
   

As you can see, there are many reasons for a dog to dig, and the humans never seem to appreciate the reasons--probably because the humans are too stupid to understand unless a dog takes the time to explain it to them in a blog.  Digging brings on yet another problem between dogs and humans and that is when a dog gets dirty or has mud all over them.  This is a matter of camouflage for a dog.  A dog can't change the colors of its fur like a chameleon so the dog has to make do with covering him or herself with dirt.  Mud does work particularly well, but dirt will do in a pinch if the ground is dry.  Why the need for camouflage?  If you have ever seen an Indiana Jones movie, you will know that there is a lot of competition in the field of archaeology.  It also does wonders for the skin.  Even some of the humans pay good money to get a mud bath which their dog is getting out in the yard free of charge.  Camouflage is also important when a dog is digging for treasure because you don't want the neighbor's dogs sneaking over to dig it up for the human neighbors. The dog next door won't see a dog digging if he is covered in mud!   However, the most compelling reason  is that a dog can sneak up on an evil bird better in camouflage. I am always glad when I'm covered in mud when I have to go after one of those evil birds.  If the birds were cooperative and would fly over and let a dog eat them, it would be a nicer world, but they are birds and  evil is never cooperative.

Demon Flash Bandit (Camouflage--Not Mud)