Does the Pope Wear a Funny Hat?

I think the humans have a brain.  Do they ever use said brain.?  Why do I ask?  Tonight my humom asked me if I wanted a treat.  I couldn't believe she even had to ask so I (sarcastically)  barked, "does the pope wear a funny hat?".  By the way, yes, the pope does wear a funny hat.   I'm guessing that is because he is a human and they are always wearing silly looking things.  Just the other day, Mommy said that she was shopping at Meijer and they had temporary dog fur dye and claw polish for dogs on clearance.  Thankfully, she left them sitting there because Angel and I have no plans to have a "day of beauty" which we would refer to as a "nightmare come to life".  I know the humans do silly things.  I've seen some of the humans with blue or purple hair.  Do they think the other humans are saying, "I wonder if that color is natural?  I'm not saying it matters.  If I were human, I'd probably be trying to look better too.  The humans have such a problem with looks--not much fur, trying to walk on their back paws, little semi-useless noses, and teeth that can't chew through a bone or stick.  I'd be upset if I were human, and I'd probably suggest buying me that fur dye and claw polish.  In addition to the humans lack of good looks, they lack the brains of us dogs too.  I can't say I'm not happy about that.  This dog has no intention of walking around picking up the humans' poop.  That is disgusting and sounds like a human job to me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Pick Up Human Poop)