Finally I understand why so many of my human neighbors around here are mad at the U.S. government. Although most dogs don't get involved in politics, this dog has run for President several times already, and I plan to run again in the next election. I feel that a dog can do a better job than a human paws down. Anyway, the reason I am upset with the government is that I was napping the other day, and I heard someone say something about candy being illegal. This dog happens to enjoy some Mike and Ikes or Swedish fish everyday, and I don't want to have to get bootleg candy from the sweeteasy down the street. You know that if an an area has a "candy house" in the neighborhood, it will draw all kinds of low lifes who just want to sit around and eat candy. I'm not saying that I wouldn't enjoy that kind of lifestyle, but a dog has to do some napping and eat some regular meatz also. I don't know of any dog who puts candy in their nose. Obviously, this is something the stupid humans are doing. Who knows why they put the candy in their noses? Does it make sense to make candy illegal just because many of the humans are stupid? Why does a dog have to suffer? At least now I understand why my neighbors are so annoyed at the government. They must love candy as much as I do. I hope they watch the television series, Boardwalk Empire. Prohibition caused a lot of violence and encouraged mobsters like Al Capone. By the way, he looks like a human who enjoyed candy too.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Put Candy in my Nose)