I"m Running for President

Next year is the U.S. presidential election so the humans are all crawling out from under their perspective rocks to run for the office.  I will again be putting my paw into the running.  Why should I get the votes?  The most important reason is because I am a dog, and my breed was bred to run.  I already have the dog vote, but the humans are more difficult because humans have delusions of grandeur, and think they are better than dogs-like that is possible!  My brother is designing a bumper sticker for my campaign.  I'm sure that sticker will have a lot of influence because it is very cool

Demon Flash Bandit  (Presidential Candidate)

Depp's Dogs Should be Welcomed

I know the United States has some stupid people running the country.  However, although I have many dog pals in Australia (Charlie Down Under is one of them), I am having to make this announcement that I will never go to Australia to meet Charlie
  This is sad for my humans because they always considered Australia to be a nice place to go if the leaders of the U.S. got too stupid to tolerate.  Of course, that would probably never happen because Mommy's ancestors came here in the 1600's, and a small percentage of them were already here so this is her "old country".  Why is this dog mad at Australia?  A couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about Jonny Depp's dpgs.  He brought 2 Yorkshire territors with him on his private plane.  The bureaucrats in Australia wanted to kill the dog's because they were "illegal aliens". First of all, they are not from outer space so calling them aliens is insulting.  I don't think rich celebrities should be above the law.  However, the punishment should fit the crime.  A 10 year.prison sentence and a $263,000 fine is excessive punishment for bringing 2 cute dogs like Pistol and Boo into the country.   They should have been welcomed with open paws!  Considering how much money is brought into a country when a film is made there, I think Australia could lose a lot of money if studios decide not to film there in the future.  Besides, there is a series of shots that will keep a human from contracting rabies, and I think it is safe to assume that Depp's dogs have had their shots.  Therefore, it will come as no surprise to my readers that I won't be filming my new movie, Captain Demon Flash Bandit:  Pirate Dog  Down Under.  Yes, I have cancelled the shooting there, and it has been rescheduled at a different location.  Here is the link to the news article:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/johnny-depp-could-face-jail-time-for-bringing-dogs-to-australia/

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking Up fOr Fellow Dogs)

War Between KFC versus Chick-Fil-A

I hope all of my United States readers had a nice holiday weekend.  We had a quiet weekend here.

I read in the news that KFC is going to war with Chick-Fil-A.  I don't think finding chickens who will be willing to dress in uniforms will be easy.  Also, finding guns that chickens can use might prove difficult.  Guns are not designed for wings.  I've heard KFC  has a contrAct with Foghorn Leghorn who will probably expect the dog on the cartoon to do the brain work.  Angel Zoom Smokey is hoping they have a price war because she loves to eat chicken although Humom gives her roasted or grilled, she likes it fried too.  I am worried about putting guns in the wings of a member of the bird family!  Birds cannot be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit ( Don't give guns to Chickens)

I Love Fortine Cookies

Recently I had a fortune cookie that said, "If a dog wants to make new friends, he doesn't growl.  That fortune cookie may not have predicted the future, but it is sound advice!  It is never a good idea to growl when you meet a dog or a human.  It is a sign of aggression, and that is not  indicative of future friendship.  That being said, I think it is amazing that the testaurant knew the cookie would be eaten by a dog.  I thonk that proves that fortune cookies are spot on.  In fact, most fortune cookies are eaten by humans.  However, my humans know how much I love them so they give theirs to me.  Yes, I have well trained humans.  It was a lot of work for me during my puppyhood, but it was worth the effort!  Since humom knows how much I love them--sweet and crunchy--she ordered a huge box of 350 cookies on Amazon.  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are very excited!  We think we could finish off the box in less than half an hour.  Mom is giving us 5 at a time so we won't get sick.  We are willing to take that risk if we can get our paws on them.  The interesting thing about the cookies she ordered is that they are from Houston, Texas; and the fortunes are inspired by the Bible,  so they are "Christian fortune cookies".  I am wondering where I can buy dog oriented ones.  I think "Dogfucios" says would be a big hit with dogs.  However, I would like the cookies if they didn't have a fortune.  They are delicious.  

Demon Flash Bandit ( Cookie Monster Dog)

Movie Review: Mortdecai New movie from Johnny Depp

Mortecia is a movie starring Johnny Depp which Mommy bought on blu-Ray.  Mortecia  (Depp) is an art dealer who lives a very ritzy lifestyle despite being broke.  He manages to do so by being a con artist.  His wife is played by Gyneth Paltrow, who also did an excellent portrayal in this movie.  I think the funniest parts of the movie were that of Morticai's "man servant", who was taking unbelievable risks for Morticia.  In turn, Morticia acts like he is the heroic one of the two.  It is a funny movie, and definitely worth watching.  I give it 4 paws up, a tail wag, a tummy rub, and a box of Milk bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Humans are in Deep Depp Trouble, Mate With Me-as Usual

What is the world coming to?  This question has been barked by dogs all over the world  who are not happy with government bureaucracy.  The incident in question is the Australian govt. picking on Johnny Depp's dogs.  Pistol and Boo, Depp's Yotkshire Terriors were going to be euthanized.  They entered the country without the proper documentation and dogs must be quaranteened for a specific amount of time.  Yes dogs, they are put in doggy jail just because they are dogs.  Why don't humans get quaranteened when they enter the country?  As the recent outbreak of ebola here in the United States proves, humans carry diseases that are far worse than rabies.  I would assume that Pistol and Boo had their rabies shots.  Considering the private plane to bring them home cost $400,000,  I think Depp could afford to keep up their shots.  Although it is good to know that the U.S.  isn't the only country that does things of which I don' t approve; the dogs did not deserve such treatment.  I do normally approve of not giving special treatment to celebrities,  However,  Depp is Capt Jack Sparrow.  You cannot expect a pirate to check in with customs.
He would be the laughingstock of all the other pirates.  I'm glad the dogs are safe in L.A.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Annoyed Dog)

Just Say NO to Vegetables !!!!!!

Target hss announced that they will be selling less packaged food and more "fresh foods and vegetables"

.  I barked an interview with  Bullseye, Target's mascot dog, and he is angry.  The humans made that decision without checking with him.  Bullseye is a bull terrier, and we might not agree on our opinion of snow; when it comes to food, we agree completely.  Bullseye said he might have to take over the business before Target faces bankruptcy. I personally have no use for vegetables.  Fruit is okay, but I prefer crunchy fruit that isn't fresh-  Some of the humans may prefer yogurt and granola, but this dog would rather eat the packaged cereal.  Have you trid rice crispy treats?  I have and it is delicious.  What is next?   If bacon gets banned, what will us dogs eat?  I must go and stock upon bacon before it is banned.  If you get to the store before me, save me some bacon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Should Never be in Charge)