Happy New Year to All

There was good news today from my friend, the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II). She is now a great grandmother. Of course, I know it is only 1 human puppy, but it is still good news for her. My friend, Holly, a German Shepherd in New Zealand, had 5 sons earlier this month. Human puppies are not as advanced as dog puppies so it is a real handful to have more than one of them. Did you know that human puppies can't even take care of themselves until they are 2 or 3? I know many dogs who already have jobs and have moved away from home before they are even 1 year old. I know the humans are inferior to us dogs, but I have yet to decide if it is a matter of them really being slow or if the humans just spoil their human puppies too much. Most of them don't even start walking until they are about a year old. The not walking until 1 sounds like maybe the human puppies might be lazy. Anyway, it is good news for the Queen Lady. I just hope that it doesn't interfere with her coming here to mow my yard. I have been looking forward to her visit, and I know how nice it would be for her to earn a few extra euros, what with the household cutbacks she has had to institute due to the economy.

Today is the last day of 2010. As I reminded my readers yesterday, be sure and enjoy those bad habits that you plan to make resolutions about today before the resolutions go into effect. I'm sure many of you are wondering about my plans for New Year's Eve. Being the world famous celebrity dog that I am, I could go to any number of parties, but I plan to stay home with my humans. I thought about hopping a private jet to a colder spot like Alaska, but even if there hasn't been as much snow as a dog can hope for, it is nice to spend time at home. As Toto's human on the movie, The Wizard of Oz, finally realized at the end of the movie--"there is no place like home". Humans take a long time to realize the most simple facts. Personally, I would have wondered about the reality of Oz as soon as I saw a bunch of Munchkins and a crazy witch. The flying monkeys are okay. They have their own airline called TransWorldApe Airlines. They are the planes with the monkey painted on the side. I wonder if they would let a dog fly with them if the dog has enough bananas to pay them for the ticket.

I wish everyone a happy new year, and don't party so much tonight that you get into trouble. Trouble is not a good way to start out a new year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Last Day of 2010)

Enjoy the Last of 2010

Since tomorrow is the last day of 2010, that means that many of the humans will be making New Year's resolutions that will involve them giving up some of their bad habits. This means that today and tomorrow are the last days to enjoy those bad habits before the big day of giving them up so I suggest that you enjoy today and tomorrow. Of course, for most of the humans, the "good behavior" will last about a day and a half, but that can be a very long 36 hours. I haven 't met any dogs who worry about such silly things. Perhaps it is because we are perfect so there is no room for improvement except of course, for getting a better education. This is why I am pursuing a college degree in napping.

Some areas of the United States are digging out of major blizzards which missed our area, and only gave us a couple of inches of the delightful snow which we sled dogs love so much. Sure, my humans are pleased, but they are stupid and don't like snow. I guess it is about time for me to have another chat with Mother Nature. I've had to have chats with her before, and I have come to the conclusion that Mother Nature isn't very intelligent because she isn't listening to this dog. I should not have to waste my time having further meetings with her.

I have to go now. I have an essay to write for Napping 102. College sure keeps a dog busy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Enjoy the Last of 2010)

Why Does a Dog Have to Get up so Early?

The human woke me to write this blog, and I'm not even sure if the sun is out yet. Does she realize it is only 12:30 pm? No wonder I need naps throughout the day when I'm awakened so early to write my blog. Do the humans have nothing better to do than wake a dog? Next they will be expecting a husky to pull a human around in a sled. Don't the humans here realize this dog has better things to do? I have decided to get a college degree in napping so I am trying to do my homework! You would think they would appreciate a dog trying to improve himself.

Speaking of improvement, my human was watching the first season of Caprica. If you ask my opinion, the show might not have been cancelled if they had been "inventing" a robot dog instead of a robot "human". How do they expect to get the audience to watch if there aren't enough dogs on the show. I do applaud them having a dog on the show, but the dog should have been the star instead of having such a small part.

I spent some time yesterday admiring my tail, which happens to be lovely. We huskies do have pretty tails. I bet the humans are jealous that they don't have tails like us dogs. I better stop mentioning it since, if there are humans reading this, I would hate to make them feel bad about not having a tail.

Now that I have written some stuff, I can get back to my nap. Pleasant dreams everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys a Good Nap)

Demon Flash Bandit With Kung Fu Grip

There was no blog yesterday because my human took the day off-without my permission. I don't know why the humans get some of these weird ideas in their heads about getting days off when a dog has not authorized an off day. I should start paying my human so I can fire her, but on the other paw, then who would type my blog? When I get money, I buy dingo bones and Burger King. I don't want to pay for typing.

My humans went to see a movie yesterday. They saw True Grit. There used to be a newspaper named Grit which is now a magazine. It has been in print for a long time so I bet it is about its early years because I noticed in its trailer that the humans were dressed in very old fashioned clothing which made it look like a western. My humans said it is an excellent movie. Mommy said it is better than the original movie, which starred John Wayne. John Wayne was a very popular actor in the past, but this dog has noticed that he always played the same basic character so, realistically, he probably was not a great actor, but he was smart enough to pick roles that suited him.

The humans ate at Cracker Barrel, and Mommy had chicken and dumplings. Angel, who happens to love chicken told me she knew what they had for dinner because she could smell the chicken on their breath. She was not pleased that the humans had chicken, and they didn't bring home a dinner for her. I told her that it was okay because the chicken is the important thing--we dogs can live without the stupid vegetables.

Jeff bought an Avatar action figure, and I took off with it. I don't usually care about Jeff's toys, but this one was interesting. I did not want to give it up. Jeff is 25 years old and I am 7 years old so I fail to see why he should want a toy when a dog of my age doesn't get it. I think I have outgrown the plush squeaky puppy toys and I'm ready to play with big dog toys. I think Mommy is going to buy me one the next time she goes to the store which I hope is soon. I told her that I would like a GI Husky action figure with kung fu grip. It would be cool to have a dog who can beat up annoying humans with one paw. The next time I read about a dog who has been abused, I could use my action figure's kung fu grip to go after the offending human. It would be nice to go after Michael Vick. He deserves to be smacked with a kung fu grip after the dog fighting in which he was involved.

I hope that I will get to see True Grit soon. Why should a dog always have to wait for the blu rays and dvd release?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Kung Fu Grip)

Visiting With my Pal

Parts of the country are getting lots of snow, but we didn't get that much around here. I think Mother Nature is trying to annoy us huskies again. However, I am glad the roads weren't bad here because today I got a visit from one of my dog pals, Riley, from Dogster.com. Riley brought his human along because you know how the humans feel left out when a dog doesn't bring them. If only the humans remembered how we include them when we go out, we wouldn't be left behind when they go places. Riley brought me 2 double whoppers. I might add that it was very nice of him. When it comes to BK, if I were Riley, I might have eaten another dogs gift before I arrived at their house. What they don't know won't hurt them.

I have been enjoying the giant rawhide bone that I got for Christmas. I have also been doing some napping. Mommy was watching the first season of The Big Bang Theory, and Howard was talking to Penny, and he said, "See a Penny, pick her up, all the day you'll have good luck." Just so the humans don't get any ideas, I said, "see a demon, pick him up, all your life you'll be missing a finger". I don't think the humans think it is as funny as I did, but I laughed my tail off over that one. Wait a minute--the tail is still there. I suppose I didn't laugh it off, but I came close.

I hope all the dogs reading this will have a great week.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Seeing my Pals)

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Nap!

Merry Christmas to all my readers!!!!! My Christmas was wonderful. The only bad thing about this blog is that it is taking me away from the treats I found for me under the tree. Angel Zoom Smokey's human Grandma sent Angel and me lots of gifts. I have already eaten the dingo bone and the tasty cinnamon apple bone. Those folks at dingo know what a dog loves! I also got lots of cool stuff from Santa Paws and my humans.

The humans are in the holiday spirit here. Jeff has been going through the house singing "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas This Year". I think it is his favorite Christmas song. The television show, MST3K, which is no longer on the air had a Christmas episode dedicated to the movie, Roadhouse, a movie in which Patrick Swayze starred as a bouncer. Youtube has it, and Jeff has been enjoying watching it. I have to admit, it is a catchy tune. Angel and I plan to surprise him and howl it for him later today.

I had the honor of having my diary chosen as a diary pick on Dogster.com today. Angel Zoom Smokey posted her letter to Santa Paws yesterday, and he did not come through with the $10 million she asked him to bring so if Rudolph knows what is best for him, he will not let Angel Zoom Smokey find him. You would think that Santa Paws would realize that Angel is serious when he wakes up before Christmas with a reindeer's head in his bed. She did warn him that she would start with Rudolph. You would think the big dog would listen!

Personally, I am very pleased with Mr. Santa Paws. I got a lot of cool stuff, but I happen to be easier to please than Angel is. I was born in a barn so I know how good I have it now. Angel has been spoiled since she was a puppy. My humans came and got me when I was about 8 weeks old, but I remember the days in the barn when I was being fed dog food--yes dog food. I don't like to even think about it. Think Burger King....think whopper....that is better.

This is Jesus birthday, and I'm sure he would appreciate it if the humans could learn to get along better with each other. I don't know why this is so difficult for the humans, but it would be a thoughtful gift.

I will end this blog with kind wishes for everyone to have a very merry Christmas and the best of everything in the new year!

Demon Flash Bandit
(Dog Who is Enjoying Christmas!)

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

It is Christmas Eve, and this dog is excited about all the cool stuff Santa Paws will bring me tomorrow. I want to take this opportunity to give Santa Paws credit for being a nice guy who gives reindeer a second chance. I know I was touched to find that one of the reindeer, Nixon (sometimes mispronounced Dixon), was allowed to put on the antlers and become one of Santa Paws reindeer when he resigned from his Presidential office. I did hear complaints from the other reindeer about him constantly telling them he is not a crook. Cupid, the little guy who shoots the love arrows at humans got tired of doing that and he put on the antlers also. Don't worry--he got a replacement so that the humans will still fall in love. Donner is part of the Donner party so the other reindeer like to stay out of his way--particularly if he looks hungry. Blitzen used to have a drinking problem, but he has managed to keep it under control since joining Santa Paw's team. It would be nice if I could say the same thing about Rudolph, but you know it isn't true--why else would his nose be so red?

My human brother Jeff is busy talking about the actors that he is planning to cast as reindeer because he is planning to compete with Santa Paws. I'm sure if Johnny Depp was offered a part playing a reindeer, he would take it. He seems to enjoy playing odd characters. I just hope he is warned to stay away from Donner if he is offered such a part.

I only have on thing to add: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR from Demon Flash Bandit!!!!!!!

Words of Wisdom From Yogi Who is Smarter than the Average Bear

The humans went to see the 3D version of Yogi Bear yesterday. Yogi is a talking bear who lives in Jellystone Park, and he is smarter than the average bear. The mayor of the city near Jellystone has run the city government into bankruptcy, and Jellystone Park is being threatened by loggers. Meanwhile a documentary film director is filming Yogi and Boo Boo because, evidently, talking bears are a rare commodity. The humans said the movie will keep you on the edge of your seats wondering if Jellystone will survive or not. Yogi, who happens to be a bear genius, devises so many clever ways to steal pic-a-nic baskets that Yogi should get a Nobel prize for pic-a-nic basket theft. In fact, Yogi should get a nomination for an Oscar as best actor. Few bears can act as well as Yogi. Boo Boo should get the nod as a supporting actor. Yogi is not only highly intelligent, but he also possesses excellent taste. He points out that one of the things he knows in life is that real mayonnaise tastes better than low fat mayonnaise. Truer words have never been spoken--by human or bear. Jeff was teasing Mommy about how she laughed over that line, and Mommy said that you seldom see bears who make mayonnaise comparisons, and Jeff said you seldom hear bears make comments on anything because most bears don't talk. Jeff should realize that Yogi is not just any ordinary bear. He has been talking for years! This is why he is smarter than the average bear!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review of Yogi Bear)

Why No Video Games for Dogs?

I read today that David Swhimmer is contesting the R rating of his movie, Cyber Predators. I thought that movie was already out and titled Tron Legacy. My humans went to see the movie, Tron Legacy. In the movie, a couple of humans were trapped in a video game world. The other "people" there seemed to always be attacking them--at least that is what the humans said about the movie. I don't think you can get any better cyber predators than the ones on Tron so why bother?

This brings me to today's subject. Why have there been no video games designed for dogs. I know we don't have thumbs, but that Wii game system allows the humans to do all sorts of things to play the game. I can envision a mushing game where a dog runs so that the dogs on the screen run too. I think that leaving dogs out of the video game market is leaving a vast amount of untapped money that the game manufacturers are missing. Imagine how many dogs would be lined up to buy some of these games. As usual, the humans never seem to want to include us dogs. In some cases, like video games it is their financial loss.

Demon Flash Bandit (Envisioning a Better Future for Dogs)

Fruits and Vegetables: Innocent Victims

As a dog who feels the need to keep the public informed on important issues, today's subject is one that I feel particularly honored to share with my readers. This is a subject that has been ignored by the mainstream media, and I want my readers to remember--you read it here first by ace reporter, Demon Flash Bandit. I would like to thank Oliver Orange for being my informant on this blog. Oliver is being protected in the Witness Protection Program so I can mention his name and give him credit for his contribution.

One day I met Oliver, and Oliver was very upset. I asked him what happened to upset him so much, and it seems that Oliver's entire family had been robbed. Oliver wasn't a rich orange so I wondered why thieves would pick on him or his family. It was the Vitamin thieves. Yes, you read correctly--there are humans out there who go around stealing vitamins from innocent fruits and vegetables. In the case of Oliver, they were after the vitamin C the family had made for themselves. Now his relatives are walking around like mere shadows of their former selves. They are afraid to go off the tree at night. They are afraid to enjoy their orchard for fear of another theft. The plight of Oliver's family is not an isolated incident. There are vitamin thieves preying on fruit and vegetables everywhere. Recently I interviewed Ben Banana, and he had thieves steal both potassium and vitamin B from him. When he reported it to the police, they filled out a report, and told him that they would probably never find the culprits. I think this vitamin crime spree has gone on long enough and someone needs to form a special branch of the police to go after these villains. I've even got a name for them: Vitaroopers-short for vitamin troopers. I have written Bo Obama, first dog with this plan. I'm sure Obama will understand its importance and act on it quickly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporter)

The Gift of Stupid

Once again, I have searched the Internet for those last minute gift ideas for the hard to buy for person on your list. Today I am writing about a couple of unusual gifts--at least I don't know anyone who owns either of these items. I know that many dogs consider the porcelain thing in the bathroom called a toilet by the humans to be a great watering bowl. Personally, I prefer my own water bowl, but I have been known to use the toilet if my humans have allowed me to run out of water and I happen to be thirsty. Anyway, many dogs complain about the humans using their watering bowl for other purposes. To be fair, some dogs don't complain because they really don't mind. We dogs don't tend to complain that much.

While browsing the Internet, I discovered a wonderful site for gifts, http://www.stupid.com/. Once again, wonderful gifts that can be purchased from the comfort of your own home. At the aforementioned site, you can purchase a "potty putter" which is a "grass" rug that is shaped for the toilet so that the humans can play golf while they sit on that special chair. At a price of $27.49, this is a true bargain for the golfer on your list. For everyone on your list, there is the toilet mug. Yes, they can put a beverage in the mug and drink out of the toilet. I can't think of any gift that would be better for the humans. When the humans are drinking out of the toilet, they are about as close to being a dog as they can get short of growing fur. The mug is only $16.99 so you can drink like a dog at a very reasonable price. I think I'll put it on my list for Santa Paws. I hope he has enough of them since I think they are going to be a big seller this year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping With Christmas Gift Ideas)

Reminder: Santa Paws is Coming to Town

I was watching the movie made in honor of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself, Angels and Demons. I don't understand why they chose to use humans in the film because humans are clearly inferior to dogs in movies. However, it was directed and produced by humans so I have to assume that they didn't want to work with dogs who are so clearly superior to them in talent and intelligence. Considering the all human cast, it was a good movie. I'm hoping they will remake it with an all dog cast, but you know how prejudiced the humans are in favor of themselves. I can only hope that some day, the bias will end.

It is one week until Christmas so, for the humans reading this, if you haven't gotten your dog's gifts yet, I would suggest you start your shopping. You don't want the pet store to run out of dog toys and treats before you get there. Dogs, don't forget to be extra nice and good because Santa Paws is watching. I'm not saying it isn't an invasion of privacy on his part. However, he is bringing you gifts so it is best not to bring that up when you talk to him. I hope you have written your letters to him, and/or visited him in person. A dog can never be too careful at this time of year---it would be awful not to have some gifts under the tree-and you should have gifts you want!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review and Reminder: Santa Paws is Coming to Town)

Special Gifts for that Hard to Buy for Human

Sometimes finding the perfect gift for that special person on your shopping list can be difficult. What about that person on your list that you really don't want to buy for or even see again? However, it is a relative so you feel you can't just drop them from your list-or your life. Perhaps you want to show just how much you love them by giving them something you have yourself--like the flu. I'm sure you may be asking, how do you get the message across particularly if you have to mail the gift and won't see them during the holidays? Rest assured, Demon Flash Bandit has searched the Internet to find the perfect gift, and you can order it online from the comfort of your computer. That gift is the gift of a plush microbe. Go to http://www.giantmicrobes.com/ and you can order the gift that will show that special person on your list just what you think of them. Give them Ebola, typhoid fever, or whatever you find interesting.

Sure, it is a fun gift for those who you would like to send the actual disease to, but I'm sure there are some people who would love to get some of these items because they would find them "interesting". Yes, some humans love educational things that the rest of us find boring. If you happen to like that type of person, and they are on your list too, it would make a nice gift for them. However, do not miss the satisfaction of giving them to the ones who aren't into such things and you don't like--even if just for the personal satisfaction of giving them something stupid.

I might add that these items are not only featured as plush items, but you can also buy Christmas ornaments, vinyl "figures", and other merchandise featuring the microbes--like coffee mugs and ties. Yes, you can find the perfect gift for anyone on your list if you search the Internet, and your pal, Demon Flash Bandit is here to help. Happy Shopping!

Demon Flash Bandit (Shopper)

Movie Review: Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

My secretary, the human, didn't think staying home and taking my dictation for my post yesterday was important and she headed to the theatre to see a movie. It would have been nice if I could have went with her, but dogs aren't allowed. I won't say anymore about it because it begins to sound like a broken record. I'm not old enough to remember records except that there are still a bunch of them in the basement collecting dust, but I'm told that they would occasionally skip and start repeating the same phrase. I guess the humans felt they could come up with something better so they invented live music. Of course, a dog had to invent cds. Who do you think invented records. You don't really think the humans have that kind of intelligence, do you?

Anyway, I asked my secretary about the movie and I am going to give a movie review judging from what she said. The movie is The Chronicles of Narnia:The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. There are these 2 children who have been to a place called Narnia before. Narnia is supposed to be an "imaginary" place that is real. This time they take their cousin with them. There is a voyage, sword play, a talking bull, and a talking mouse who is a master of swordsmanship. My secretary said it is a good movie. I asked if they showed the kids smoking something before they entered Narnia.

My secretary said the theatre had a commercial for Kia before the movie. It was the classic one with the rapping hamsters. I think Kia should just stick with the hamsters and forget about the cars. Considering that in the commercial, the toaster is bigger than the car, I'm assuming that Kia stands for Kan't Include Actual Humans. I don't know of any humans who can fit into a toaster and ride around comfortably. Those rapping hamsters are quite talented, and I would buy their cd if they made one. Sometimes companies should go with their strengths.

This dog should go into movie making. I think I would make a tremendous star....move over Johnny Depp....its Demon Flash Bandit.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer and Potential Star)

My Christmas Photo

Today I am going to post a photo of my stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman in his Christmas hat. This "hat" was meant for me, but I didn't choose to wear it so it was time to call in my stunt double, Phantom. I might add that having a stunt double is wonderful for situations like this in which I really don't want to be bothered wearing a hat-which is most of the time. Mommy thought a photo of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself getting into the "Christmas spirit" would make a good blog photo. As usual, we didn't agree. If she wants us to get into the Christmas spirit, she should put our presents under the tree early. She waits until Christmas Eve because we have a talent for sniffing out our gifts early. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the photo of myself (Phantom), and Merry Christmas to my readers.

Mommy went shopping yesterday and came home with an artificial pathetic Christmas tree as seen in the television Christmas special, A Charlie Brown Christmas. That tree is not worthy of me bothering to lift my leg to pee on it. I'm glad we have an 8 foot tree that is the actual Christmas tree. Phantom said he wouldn't want to have his photo made next to that tree, and Phantom, being a stuffed dog, does not usually have very high standards about such things.

Anyway, I hope my readers are getting ready for the Christmas season. I know Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are looking forward to all the things we have asked Santa Paws for, and Angel said this year he had better deliver. It turns out that he didn't bring her the millions of dollars in merchandise she requested for the last couple of years, and I think he is going to get a puppy slap of justice if she runs into him. Santa Paws, you'd better watch out....Angel Zoom Smokey is ready to give you a puppy slap of justice.

Demon Flash Bandit (It is Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas)

Royal Wedding Invitation

I notice that my secretary did not delete the first paragraph of my blog yesterday as she was instructed by me. This is not the first time my secretary (obviously of the human persuasion) has not followed my orders. If she did not work free, I would fire her, and hire someone more dependable and obedient.

As many of my regular readers are already aware, I have been sharing correspondence with the Queen Lady (the Queen of England) ever since she came to New York City, and the Daily Show announced that she was having to cut back on household expenses. I felt bad for her so I offered her a job mowing my yard, an offer which she was happy to receive. However, family obligations have kept her from fulfilling her dream of mowing my yard. When Prince William announced the royal engagement, I assumed that this would be another year when the Queen Lady would have family obligations standing in the way of her lawn mowing dream. However, I received this letter yesterday, and I want to share it with my readers.

Dear Demon Flash Bandit,
How is my good pal doing? I hope this letter finds you in good health and enjoying some wonderful snow. I know you have heard about my grandson's upcoming wedding, and I want you to know that the date is set for April 29, 2011. This will give me the summer free to come by your house, meet you, and mow your yard. I have been anxious to meet you ever since we first started corresponding. I hope that you will be able to give me some practical advice for dealing with some of the political problems we have here while I am there because your dog advice is so valuable. I know your advice is highly sought after by world leaders so I hope you will have time to oblige me with this request. I'm so glad that someone of your dog intelligence and gift for diplomacy is available to help world leaders solve problems. If only all of them listened to your wisdom, the world would be a better place.

It is my wish that you can attend the wedding. I know you are a busy dog, but having you come to the wedding is all the kids can talk about. Last night at dinner, both William and Kate were asking me if I had heard from Demon Flash Bandit and was he available to attend their wedding. It would be such an honor if you grace us with your presence.

I am so pleased to count you as a friend, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging too much when I tell people that Demon Flash Bandit and myself are close pals.

Love, Queen Lady Elizabeth

I was touched by this letter. I get a lot of letters from celebrities, but I always enjoy hearing from her Majesty, the Queen Lady. It would be nice to attend the wedding, but this dog refuses to wear a tuxedo so if that is required, I won't be attending. I have standards.

Demon Flash Bandit (Corresponding with Her Majesty, The Queen Lady)

Mel Gibson's New Movie: The Beaver

Mel Gibson is making a new movie called, The Beaver. I am wondering who is going to play the rest of the Cleaver family. If you ask this dog, it is about time Hollywood does a remake of the "Leave it to Beaver" television show. Mel will play the beaver. This is going to require some serious acting on his part since playing a child won't be easy for him. I wonder who is going to be cast as his family. Perhaps Wally could be played by Sean Connery. I think he could do a good job pulling off the nice big brother role. I can envision Jack Nicholson as Ward Cleaver, which would make it a bit more interesting particularly if they make dad a bit crazy. Jack can play crazy very well. Perhaps Jennifer Aniston would make a good mom. Great, my typist has just informed me that it isn't based on Leave it to Beaver at all. What a waste of my time! She could have mentioned it earlier. Secretary, be sure and delete all that I have written thus far and I will start again. A dog doesn't want to appear silly. This time I will check the facts on the Internet before I write anymore.

Mel Gibson is in a movie called The Beaver. This is not a remake of the television show, Leave it to Beaver-although that is what any intelligent person would assume. The movie is about a crazy guy who puts a beaver puppet on his hand and uses the beaver to communicate with everyone. I think this is a great role for Mel because I think he can pull off a crazy man very well. I don't even think it will require a serious amount of acting on his part. I do wonder if they used the "beaver" for a reason. They could have easily used a rabbit or raccoon, but I suspect they used a beaver to get more laughs. A dog would think the humans have more than one meaning for the word, beaver.

I do have to mention that all the money spent making this new movie could be better spent on a new dog movie, but you know how stupid the humans are when spending money.

I hope that everyone is having a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Upcoming Movies)

Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry

I'm sure at least one television network executive is going to be super happy that he heard from me today. I sent my idea for a new television show to the television networks. The show is called, Lifestyles of the Rich and Furry. Everyone sees how normal dogs live, but how many know how the rich ones live? This television show takes you into their world. From overly elaborate mansion doghouses, diamond filled collars, and Burger King restaurants inside their homes (at no charge to the dogs who visit of course). I'm sure some of you, like myself are wondering, "is there anything that can be better than free BK for life? The answer to that is "of course, there are few things on Earth better than free Burger King burgers". I'm sure everyone would love to watch how all the celebrity dogs live. The shows can feature movie dogs, television dogs, dogs who "belong" to celebrities (at least that is how the humans view it--we know that the human belongs to the dog), and dogs who have been left vast fortunes by their humans. This is a category I will never be in because my stupid humans are not rich. Yeah, hard to believe isn't it? A dog of my obvious intelligence and pedigree having humans who aren't rich!! I wonder how that happened myself, but I have to admit, I do love my humans. I know they love me so I guess that is enough. Although a few million in a dog's bank account would not hurt any. Anyway, I think this program would be interesting to watch, and it would certainly be better than most of the programs the humans put on television. I think television viewing would be better if a dog were in charge of programming.

Demon Flash Bandit (Idea Dog)

Dogs Not Allowed In Rental Car--Injustice to Dogs

Today's blog will feature yet another case of dog discrimination by the humans. Mommy's mini van is at the Ford dealer for a recall problem, and while it is there, Ford is providing Mommy with a rental mini van from Enterprise. Mommy likes the car that is provided. I can't give you my opinion of the car because dogs aren't allowed to ride in Enterprise Rental cars. I am thinking of hiring a doggy lawyer to represent Angel Zoom Smokey and myself in a lawsuit against Enterprise. This brings me to another problem---the yellow pages does not have any ads for lawyers who happen to be of the dog persuasion. No wonder the humans treat us like second class citizens. We have no representation. It is about time us dogs make our barks heard. When the legislators were working on a health care plan, it was only for humans. Dogs will not get any kind of national health care. This does not seem fair to this dog, and if necessary, I will run for President in the next election. Perhaps the only way to achieve equality is to change the system. It is about time dogs can go anywhere and do anything. You know the humans know we are better than them and that is why they try to keep us in the doghouse.

Demon Flash Bandit (Equality for Dogs)

The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood

Today I am going to tell the story, Little Red Riding Hood, from Grimm's fairy tales the way it was actually written. Some of the humans changed the story over the years, and I think it is time the original story was revealed.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wore a red cape. She was a horrible, badly behaved little girl whose Mother sent her to visit her grandmother because she was sick of putting up with her. Her mother was hoping that Little Red Riding Hood would get lost in the forest and never find her way back. Her teachers had the same philosophy as her mother. They sent her to her mother hoping she would never find her way back to school.

On the way to her grandmother's house, she met a handsome dog ( a Siberian husky like myself). She thought he was a wolf because Little Red Riding Hood was not only a brat, but she was also quite stupid. She told the dog she was lost and the wonderful, well behaved dog helped her find the way to her grandmother's house. When she got to Grandma's house, she pulled the chain saw out of her basket. Luckily some kind hunters saw the girl ready to kill her grandmother (I told you she was a brat.) and they shot the little girl, and everyone lived happily ever after.

I think it is important to relate the true story of Little Red Riding Hood because wolves have gotten a lot of bad press over the years while jerks like Little Red Riding Hood, who happen to be the real villains, get by with everything.

The moral to this story is: Avoid children, spend more time with wolves and dogs.

Today I announce the winner of the Siberan Husky Christmas ornament. It is Khyra. Contact me at my email, demonflashbandit@gmail.com so that I can arrange shipment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Narrator)

I Checked my Crystal Ball

I happened to look into my crystal ball and I foresaw a new Civil War in the United States between the north and south. This war became more complicated than the one in the 1860s because the Yankees, many of whom were able to infiltrate the south, and fit in with the Rebels were able to find out battle plans in advance. How did they do it? They mimicked a southern accent, and they wore Dukes of Hazzard T-shirts. This made them fit right into the south, and the southerners never realized that they were not really from there. The south decided to use General Lee as their lead general. The big problem with this was that The Dodge Charger, General Lee, was not an expert on military strategy. In fact, the car wasn't good at all at giving orders. It mainly wanted to drive around jumping over stuff. As in the first war, the south lost. It might have been sadder had anyone actually knew what they were fighting about. From what I saw in my Crystal ball, it looks like you can't give rednecks guns. They will use them. I should send that one to Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a redneck if you shoot first, shoot last, and then find out if you should have shot in the first place. I might add that Mommy is a southerner, and not all are rednecks--just the ones who are shooting from their pickup trucks.

If all goes as planned, I will be announcing the winner of the husky Christmas ornament tomorrow. Good luck to the contenders.

By the way, pumpkin is not good for a dog's tummy. I found this out when I ate a bag of Halloween pumpkin shaped candy. Mommy says I ate too much, but how do you stop when it is so good?

Demon Flash Bandit (Seer)

Mummies Need Bandages

When you happen to go down the first aid aisle of your favorite store, you will see a vast array of bandages. These bandages are often overlooked when there has been no injury, but it is nice to know that they are available when they are needed. This means that if the price of bandages go up, most people don't even notice right away. However, there is one group that you are likely to see protesting outside the store about the rising costs. That group is the mummies among us. Imagine how much they have to spend to cover themselves entirely in bandages! Sure, if they would stick in their cases in the museums, it would not be a problem, but judging from the amount of movies that have had mummies in them, they don't like to hang out at the museum when they can be causing mayhem in the regular world. I have never seen a mummy personally, but if I did, I would ask him how many times he changes his bandages. What if I need some bandages and he has wiped out the bandage section at the store? It would be important to know this in advance so that a dog can stock up on necessities. I have had a few people suggest that I write a money saving book for mummies. I think it would be much cheaper for them to buy some white linens and cut them up and use them as bandages. Since the mummies are dead anyway, I don't think they need to worry about the bandages being sterile. It isn't like an infection is going to bother them. Personally, it does my heart good to know that there are nice mummies who are protesting rising prices instead of the meaner ones who are chasing after everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting on Mummies)

Paw to the Gas--Go Faster!

My adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, has been known to drive while under the influence of alcohol, which is irresponsible for humans, but dogs are a different story. Anyway, after Angel had a few drinks the other day, I was riding as a passenger in the car with Angel Zoom Smokey driving. I had suggested I drive because I had only had water, but Angel would not hear of it. She said that it was her car and she was driving. NOTE: It is not her car--it is Mommy's car. Anyway, we had gone about 5 miles when we heard sirens behind us and saw some blinking lights. I suggested we pull over. Angel Zoom Smokey, who has been reading a lot of Greek mythology lately said that sirens make music and compel mariners to wreck their ships. She wasn't falling for their trickery. Her paw hit the accelerator, and she took off, leaving the sirens in the dust. She said to always be careful when you hear sirens--it is seldom a good thing for the person hearing them. I suspect she might very well be right about that.

On another subject, we live next to a major highway, and there are 2 dead raccoons that have been hit by cars sitting beside the road. Mommy won't let us eat them, but Angel Zoom Smokey and myself keep telling her that they are food delivery. Will the humans never understand common dog sense?

Demon Flash Bandit (Riding With Dog that Got Away)

Christmas Gift Ideas From Demon Flash Bandit

With Christmas fast approaching, many of us are trying to decide what to gifts to give our family and friends. Sure, you can give your dad a tie, but he probably already has a gadzillion ties. If you have one of those dads like mine who only wore a tie if he HAD TO, it will just sit in the closet and collect dog fur. Sure, if you have a human who likes to be a bit eccentric and enjoys things other humans hate, you could always order that human a tie at http://www.zazzle.com/ from their tasteless tie section. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone would order any of their ties, but I'm sure there are some humans out there wearing them. What about the ladies on the list? There are only so many posters of Abe Vigoda shirtless that a home has wall space to hang. (NOTE: Abe Vigoda is best for the tween on your list--they will thank you when they are older and realize that the guys on Twilight really aren't particularly handsome.) By the way, for the Republicans on your list, a poster of Dick Cheney shirtless is available. And some of you ladies think that no one is answering your wishes!

Sure, all this stuff is okay for a few of the humans, but what would the majority of humans want to see under the Christmas tree? I have the answer to that question for you in this blog. I have done some massive surveys, and the thing the humans would like to have most can be found at http://www.prankplace.com/ This wonderful website has many wonderful gift ideas for the hard to buy for person on your list. What human would not be happy with a heart felt greeting of Merry Christmas spelled out in dog poop? At a cost of only $13.98, it is a real bargain. I know it isn't a gift that many people think of giving, so it will make your gift stand out in the crowd of gifts. Since these gifts of poop are fake poop, your recipient can enjoy them for years to come. This brings me to the best gift of all: for only $7.98, you can purchase Yule Doos, This is a special Christmas ornament made up of fake poop which is covered in sparkly snow. What could better prepare a person for the joy of the holiday season than to see a tree covered in poop? There are many other lovely poop gifts to choose from for that special person on your list. You can even shop from the comfort of you own home. I know that you will be remembered forever if you choose one of these thoughtful poop gifts. I think they prove the old adage, it is better to give than to receive.

I have to admit that I think my husky Christmas ornament giveaway is a better looking ornament than the Yule Doo, but Yule Doo is a close second!

Demon Flash Bandit (Holiday Gift Advisor)

My Pal's Book and Three Dog Night

My friend Raja, a shih tzu, has written a book featuring the history and story of the shih tzu breed. This book can be ordered from the site, http://www.traveldogbooks.com/ You can read more about the book on the site. By the way, my photo is in the book so I'm wondering if I am going to have to wear sunglasses to avoid being mobbed by pupparazzi.

I decided to watch a video concert performed by Three Dog Night. When 3 dogs make up a band, you know it has to be great. I am wondering why they became such good pals with that bullfrog named Jeremiah. I have never met a frog, but frogs don't seem to be the kind of species with which a dog would want to be friends. The last time I watched one of the dog's concerts, I was a bit disappointed because I didn't see the dogs. I suppose they were taking a Milkbone break. Last night I watched a different video, and they were 3 dogs short---AGAIN!!! This time I stayed awake to make sure the dogs came back from their break, and they never did! The band was just another bunch of humans--no doubt trying to get an audience by pretending to be dogs. I wrote about doggy impawsters recently. I suppose it must be more of a problem than I realized. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are in a band called the Howling Huskies, and you can be sure that it is an all dog band--no humans are used in the making of our music. We happen to have very high standards. I think Spiderman summed it up when he said, "with great 'paw'er comes great re'paw'nsibility.

I would like to mention that it is National Mutt Day. All dogs are special--whether pedigreed or not.

Demon Flash Bandit (Prefers an All Dog Band)

Don't Mess With Angel Zoom Smokey

Today's blog is a public service announcement to Jack Nicholson. Jeff was doing his imitation of Jack Nicholson last night, and Angel Zoom Smokey went nuts. We had no idea that she was not a fan. In fact, she was very upset. Perhaps it was because Jeff was doing his voice and she thought he had been taken over by some Jack Nicholson demon, and if so, maybe the real Jack Nicholson might be okay if he were to run into Angel. Is it really worth him taking that kind of risk? I think not. My reaction was to look up from my nap and lay my head back down. Obviously, I am a bit more mellow than Angel Zoom Smokey. It isn't like Jeff isn't always doing silly things. She is 3 years old so she should be used to it by now. Anyway, I am going to assume that she is not a fan of Nicholson. Sorry Jack, you are okay with me, but Angel does not share my opinion. Just be grateful she isn't a movie critic. I personally am glad that Jeff puts on these shows for us. He practiced his stand up comedy in front of us, and I have to tell you that Angel is responsible for much of his success (he has appeared at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, MI, and also at the Comedy Showcase in Ann Arbor, MI). You may ask how Angel Zoom Smokey can be considered the reason for his success, but it is quite simple. She had to keep telling him--"Jeff, it is stand up comedy, you can't sit down". It isn't Jeff's fault that he thought it would be okay. Daddy did used to play ball with him while sitting in a lawn chair. Daddy had worked all day and he said standing at home was too much work. Jack, if you are reading this, I have no idea what you have done to annoy Angel Zoom Smokey so much, but if you want to avoid some puppy slaps of justice (one of her specialties); I would suggest you avoid all contact with Angel. I've been the victim of some of those puppy slaps of justice and, believe me, they aren't fun!



Remember the Christmas ornament giveaway. Who wouldn't want an adorable husky ornament on their Christmas tree?



Demon Flash Bandit (Issuing Alert)