As a dog who feels the need to keep the public informed on important issues, today's subject is one that I feel particularly honored to share with my readers. This is a subject that has been ignored by the mainstream media, and I want my readers to remember--you read it here first by ace reporter, Demon Flash Bandit. I would like to thank Oliver Orange for being my informant on this blog. Oliver is being protected in the Witness Protection Program so I can mention his name and give him credit for his contribution.
One day I met Oliver, and Oliver was very upset. I asked him what happened to upset him so much, and it seems that Oliver's entire family had been robbed. Oliver wasn't a rich orange so I wondered why thieves would pick on him or his family. It was the Vitamin thieves. Yes, you read correctly--there are humans out there who go around stealing vitamins from innocent fruits and vegetables. In the case of Oliver, they were after the vitamin C the family had made for themselves. Now his relatives are walking around like mere shadows of their former selves. They are afraid to go off the tree at night. They are afraid to enjoy their orchard for fear of another theft. The plight of Oliver's family is not an isolated incident. There are vitamin thieves preying on fruit and vegetables everywhere. Recently I interviewed Ben Banana, and he had thieves steal both potassium and vitamin B from him. When he reported it to the police, they filled out a report, and told him that they would probably never find the culprits. I think this vitamin crime spree has gone on long enough and someone needs to form a special branch of the police to go after these villains. I've even got a name for them: Vitaroopers-short for vitamin troopers. I have written Bo Obama, first dog with this plan. I'm sure Obama will understand its importance and act on it quickly.
Demon Flash Bandit (Reporter)