Monday, August 16, 2010

I Should be Writing for AOL

It takes a lot to get this dog angry, but at the moment, I am angry enough to eat a bird. Okay, for my smartaleck regular readers, yes, I would eat a bird if I were happy. I think the only good bird is a dead bird that is a dog's meal. However, I am angry today. I was on the AOL news site, and I saw an article about annoying mascots. Of course, this is only that writer's opinion, but when I saw Burger King on the list, I decided that this person's opinion should not be shared nor tolerated. I think AOL needs to have a dog like me sharing intelligent opinions--not some silly human who called His Highness, Mr. Burger King, creepy. Yes, that was his exact word: CREEPY. Sure, the King might have went a bit insane in a couple of commercials, but there was a reason--it was over BK's products, and they are worth going bananas over. I know. I love their burgers and I eat there a lot. I have decided to write the King a letter and I want to share it with my readers.

Dear Your Highness, Mr. Burger King,

This is Demon Flash Bandit, a loyal customer, and I want you to know that I think you are a terrific mascot for your company. I would love to come and live in your perfect "Burgerland", but I have to settle for enjoying your delicious burgers at my local Burger King restaurant in Howell, MI. I hope that this slander against your royal name will not hurt your feelings, and I want you to keep in mind that you have many loyal subjects outside of Burgerland who think you are wonderful. Avoid reading the insane ranting of the human who wrote about you on AOL. I think that human should be forced to eat McDonalds for the rest of his or her life.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

This stupid human even listed the Energizer Bunny, and this dog loves the bunny. Who would not like the bunny? Oh yeah, the crazy person who thought Mr. Burger King was annoying. If you ask me, I think the human who wrote the article is annoying.

Since I had the stationary out to write Mr. Burger King, I also sent a letter to the Queen of England, and I will share it as well.

Hi Queen Lady,
I really appreciated your last letter that explained why you haven't been able to come here to mow my yard. Of course, the offer still stands. You can still earn a cool $25.00 if you mow my yard the next time it needs mowing. I hope there are no more problems with Prince Charles. I know how sad it is for you that he spends so much time and money trying to prove that unicorns and Big Foot are best friends. All us dogs know that Big Foot is a loner and usually only pals around with other Big Feet (that is the plural of Big Foot). I do look forward to seeing you soon. After you mow, I think it would be a blast if we got on the Slip and Slide for some fun. I could have a crown added to the end of the slide if you need it to be a royal slip and slide.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

Since this is Monday, and I have heard that Monday is a very popular day among the humans, I hope everyone is having a good one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sane Writer)

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