The grass is my yard is not getting any shorter, and I hate to announce that Jeff had to mow it. The Queen of England was too busy to come and mow it even though she did want to come here and help out. When you have to cut $4,000,000 from your household budget, that $25.00 offer to mow my yard was hard to pass up. She wrote me a letter of explanation which I have decided to share with my readers. If you remember, the last letter I got from her was written on a McDonalds napkin. If you go by stationary, the financial situation has not improved for the royal family. This one was written on a receipt from Taco Bell so I suppose the financial situation is about the same if you judge by the royal stationary she is using. At least she is eating good, and does not have to cook. However, I would have skipped McDonalds and went right for Burger King. I suppose she must be taking saving those royal dollars very seriously--McDonalds does tend to be a little cheaper. This dog says you get what you pay for and the Queen should spring for a little more change to get a better burger.
Here is the letter:
Howdy my Favorite Blogging Puppy, Demon Flash Bandit,
Demon, I am so sorry that I was unable to come and mow your grass. You have been so sweet to take such an interest in my financial plight. It is so good to know that there are dogs like you in the world that care about what happens to me, the Queen of England. Ever since that little fiasco back in the late 1700's, with our colonies in America, the Americans never seem to worry too much about the problems of the royal family. I have been so touched by your generosity. It isn't every dog that would offer to pay me $25.00 to mow their yard, and even provide the mower. It would be difficult for me to use the official Palace mower because you are so far away. I would welcome a trip to the United States because it would be a nice getaway for me. I would also enjoy hanging out with you and your peeps, Demon, because you seem like a fun dog to hang out with.
I do want to explain why I was unable to mow the yard for you. As you know, I have a group of royal pain in the arse relatives who can't seem to take care of themselves. I had a plane booked to come and mow your yard and have a nice visit with you when Prince Charles announced that he had finally proved that unicorns and Big Foot are pals. According to Charles, they are always getting together at Loch Ness, where the Loch Ness Monster has a bed and breakfast lake. That is when I knew it was time to call in the royal psychiatrist. Charles is resting comfortably after being given enough tranquilizers to sedate an elephant. I know your grass will need cutting again, and I am hoping that Charles will be better before that happens so that I can come and cut your grass the next time it needs to be cut.
Love, Da Queen
As you can see, the Queen meant to come and mow, but had some family problems at home. I hope she can come next time because I would love to see her, and I think we would have a nice visit.
Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Another Celebrity Letter)