Bad Electorsl College

In my continuing mission to try to teach the humans with dog sense, today I am going to discuss the electoral college in the United States.  Hillary Clinton should be president because more people voted for her. The same thing happened with Al Gore when he won the most votes.  I know anyone who knows math would ask, why someone with less votes would be made president?  That is a good question so I will answer it on this blog.  When a state wins, the winning candidate gets all the votes.  This system was set in place by the founding fathers.  No, they were not literally fathers of all the citizens.  They would have gone broke just giving out allowances.  I don't know exactly what they were looking for.  However, when they were done, they had started a new country, the United States.  They set up the electoral college.  It sounds good on the surface that some well educated people would cast the final vote.  That isn't what happens.  I did some research, and I am going to share an amazing fact with my readers.  It is not a four year school of education.  Yes dogs, they meet only once every four years.  I do not think that small amount of time should even qualify them for a degree.  Certainly, they aren't educated enough to pick a president. I think it is about time the president is chosen by popular votes and not by lazy college students.

Demon Flash Bandit (Educated Dog)

Time to Party

Today is an exciting day for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself.  If all goes as planned, mom will be home later today after 3 months of being in a hospital and later a nursing home.  We have been partying in preparation for her return.  I know she will be as glad to see us as we will be to see her again.  Angel told me that she plans to spend at least an hour and a half kissing mom..  She loves to kiss people.  Personally, I think she overdoes it. However, I am not going to tell her my opinion.  The last time I criticized her, she told me to mind my own business or she would start kissing me. Yuck!  I hope mommy feels like partying.

My brothers stocked the house with party foods. I am  particularly looking forward to eating ice cream.  I' m sure mommy will have fun at our party. Every dog is welcome so come and join us.

Demon Flash Bandit (party dog)

Evil Appliance

There have many items over the years that have been invented that have greatly benefited humans and dogs.  On the other paw, some inventions are detrimental to society.  Today I am going to review a bad one.  It is a household appliance usually found in the kitchen.  That evil appliance is a trash compacter.  Whoever invented it should be a jail.  As you know, the humans put their best stuff in the trash.  A compactor destroys that trash by compacting it.  It is the fundamental job of the dog to go through the trash.  As a dog, I am quite aware that humans cannot be trusted to know the difference between trash and treasure.  This is where the dog's job begins.  With a compactor, the dog is unable to open it.  If a dog managed to get it open, he could get hurt.  The thing could turn on and he could be crushed.   So to avoid such a tragedy, don't get one for your home.  Let dogs continue their work.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Cat Necessities by the Demon Flash Bandit, Dog

Recently I watched an informative television show with a cat behavourist.   He was in a pet store showing misguided humans (they want a cat) what  things they needed to buy.  By the time they left the store, they had spent quite a bit of money.  As a public service, I am going to list the real essentials.

First,  get a cat.  Why get a bunch of cat essentials if you don't have a cat?  Would you buy elephant accessories before you get a pet elephant?  Of course not.

Next item on the list is food. Unless your cat shares his food with a dog, the cheap food is perfect.  If a cat is fed expensive food, he gets uppity.  Ask any dog - they will tell you there is nothing worse than an uppity cat unless it is an uppity squirrel.

Cats need a litter box to take care of their business.  As you can imagine,  they are not particularly good at producing a sellable item.  The show said to get two of them.  Evidently cats think they need a 2 bathroom house.  They only need one.  Again, you don't want an uppity cat.  The pet store has covered or uncovered litter boxes.  This is a blatant attempt by the litter box manufacturers to make more money.  Any plastic tub will do.  A dog could probably find a free one in the neighborhood garbage.

The only cat toys they need is whatever you have around the house.  Yarn, a ball, or a toilet paper holder are perfect cat toys.

Water dishes are unnecessary if your house has a toilet.  It is also hilarious to dogs when the cat falls into the water.  However, purchasing a water dish for a cat is acceptable.

If you want to buy clothes for a cat, go ahead.  They love to wear clothing.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention catnip addiction.  Cats are prone to getting  this affliction.  If a cat starts wearing sun glases, he is probably an addict and needs to go to cat rehab.

Good luck to future cat owners.  However, why not reconsider and get a dog.  Cats are unappreciative jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit

Turkey Disguise

Now is the time of year when turkeys can become turkeys again.  In early November, many of them put on disguises to avoid being Thanksgiving dinner's main dish.  Some humans don't eat the traditional pizza.  They serve turkey instead.  As you know, you can depend on  me to keep my readers informed.  In my research, I have learned that they disguise themselves as peacocks.  Turkeys dress up for Halloween trick or treating.  I was surprised because I didn't think turkeys would be smart enough to use their costumes to get candy.  If a peacock shows up at your door on Halloween. It was probably a turkey.

Then they stay in costume until after Thanksgiving.  By now, in dogs whose households did serve turkey, the humans should be tired of leftovers by now.  A dog's job is to eat the leftover bird meat before the humans have to eat turkey hash.  Sure it is a sacrifice to eat the rest of the turkey, but we love our humans.   Therefore we make the sacrifice for them.  There should be a special medal for us dogs.  The humans are so lucky to have us.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

New Candy Flavors

Just in time for Christmas, a candy company has released candy canes with new flavors.  Those exciting new flavors are gravy, bacon, and pickle.  Don't tell me there isn't a dog running that company.  I don't think the humans have enough common dog sense to learn.  (We tried to teach them, but they have little, human size brains).  I know many times when I have time to contemplate flavors, bacon comes to my mind.  Some people prefer their bacon cooked until it is crispy and some prefer it cooked  less.  Personally, I love it whethet it is cooked or uncooked.  Yes, I would eat raw bacon if I had the opportunity.  My humans make me wait until it is cooked.  My mom started purchasing it already cooked.  I am guessing that a dog was the bacon marketing  consultant.  Pre-cooked can be eaten in the car on the way home from the store.

I'm also sure that gravy was the brainchild of a dog. Gtravy makes everything better. I want to try it over bacon.  You know there was one human in tjhe group.  He came up with the stupid picklle flavor.  It must be sweet pickles because dill are kind of sour.  It has to be sweet to be candy.  If of tastes sour, it is uncandy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tasteful Dog)