According to television commercials, you would never believe where the Keebler cookies come from--they are baked by elves in a hollow tree. Why do they think we won't believe them? When I go outside, I'm always looking for hollow trees in case there are some cookie baking elves in them who need a dog to sample their products. I'm willing to do my part for Keebler by testing their product. In fact, I think it would be a good career choice for me. Anyway, so far I have never found a tree that has any cookie baking elves in it. I decided to write a letter to Ernie, who happens to be Keebler's head baker and SpokesElf.
I am a dog who enjoys your product, and I would like to know where the hollow tree where you bake the cookies is located so I can stop by and taste test your product. This dog thinks your cookies are uncommonly good, and I would like to know if there is a job opening for a taste tester because I think it is a job for which this dog is well suited. I know you are busy, but please answer as soon as possible.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
(NOTE: It is always important in business letters so use the salutation, love. It makes the company know you appreciate them.)
This brings me to another point. I was watching Lord of the Rings, and I did not notice any of the elves in Lord of the Rings baking cookies. Don't they know what they are supposed to be doing? If you ask me, the whole reason there was a war was because there was a serious lack of cookies to eat. It is impossible to stay in a bad mood when there are delicious cookies to eat. Lord of the Rings also had a bunch of trees, but I didn't see any that were being used to bake cookies. Besides, I think it is easier to bake cookies if the tree isn't running around the countryside.
My theory is that the hollow trees that they use to make the cookies could be located in BurgerKingland. I know that is where I would want to live if I were a cookie baking elf.
Demon Flash Bandit (Looking for Cookies)