Today's blog is an announcement that I will not be attending the royal wedding as I had originally planned. I was very annoyed that President and Michelle Obama had been snubbed by the royal family. I would still attend since I had told the Queen Lady that I would be there and I'm a dog of honor. However, when I got the invitations and found that she had snubbed Angel Zoom Smokey and my humans, my patience ran out. She had promised to include Angel Zoom Smokey, and Angel is one husky you don't leave out if you want Demon Flash Bandit to attend. Since the Queen Lady did not keep her promise to me and did not act with honor, I feel that I am justified in not going to the wedding. Sure, I know it will hurt the royal family, but they should have thought about the consequences before they acted so stupidly.
Besides, I found out that they are serving the "traditional" royal fruitcake at the wedding. Fruitcake is not served at weddings!!!! I don't care how traditional it is. Some traditions should be broken because they are stupid. Fruitcake is a Christmas item that you give as a gift. It is always a gift because no one in their right mind would buy it for themselves. Generally, it is given to the people you don't particularly like, but they are on your Christmas list and you have to get them something. I won't buy them as gifts myself because, I think even the dumbest of the humans know that it is a stupid gift to receive. However, they are great for the person who has everything because they can always give it to someone else the following year. There are 200 year old fruitcakes that are still being given as gifts each year. In fact, if they carbon dated a fruitcake and found it was originally made in ancient Egypt, it would not surprise me at all. You can't even get a dog to eat fruitcake and some dogs aren't even very picky, but they do draw the line at fruitcake. Even starving dogs have their standards! Anyway, I thought you might like to read the letter I am sending to the Queen Lady explaining why I won't be attending.
Dear Queen Lady,
I will not be attending the royal wedding because you did not include my adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey or my humans. I was annoyed enough that you left out the Obamas, but you stepped over the line when you left out my family. You had promised me that I could bring 3 guests. I can only assume you are being cheap. I understand about your budget which is how we became friends in the first place. I wrote and offered you a job mowing my yard. You wrote back because you appreciated my thoughtfulness, and we became friends. As a dog of honor, I would come but since you didn't keep your promise, I feel that it is okay if I don't keep mine. I also read that you are going to serve fruitcake at the wedding which only reinforces my idea that you are being cheap. No one eats fruitcake so you know that it will be "leftover". My guess is that you will make a cardboard fake cake which will be cheaper than the real thing since no one eats fruit cake anyway. I hope you realize that the monarchy is in trouble. What is the press going to say when Demon Flash Bandit does not attend? When I am asked for interviews, and I will be.....I will tell the truth. No one should be a monarch if they annoy Demon Flash Bandit. Yes, you heard me. You have been a bad Queen Lady. I would not be surprised if I read in the newspaper that you had been caught peeing on the carpet and blaming your dogs. BAD QUEEN LADY! BAD! I WILL RUB YOUR NOSE IN IT!
Love, Demon Flash Bandit
I hope this makes the Queen Lady realize how much trouble she has caused.
Demon Flash Bandit (Not Attending the Royal Wedding)