Long Live the King

I used to love Burger King hamburgers, but I quit going there awhile back because when my human went to order my burgers--stackers with only bacon, the employee refused to ring up stackers with bacon but no condiments, and proceeded to argue with my human by telling her that she couldn't ring up a stacker without condiments. The manager had to come over to straighten it out, but my human was so annoyed that the company had refused to allow her to order it "her way" which was even more serious because it was my way. When Burger King starts giving one of their most loyal customers trouble, it is time to switch. My human called the company to tell them what had happened (by the way, BK has no toll free number so you know the company does not want to hear from its customers). The customer representative told my human that individual franchises have the right to charge you for leaving things off a burger. I have mentioned all this already in a past blog, but I'm recapping it for those who haven't read it or forgot it. Ever since then, I have been going to the competition, McDonalds. I wouldn't eat the burgers there when I was a puppy, but now I find them quite tasty! Anyway, Burger King is changing its fries and dropping its mascot, the King. This explains why things are so lousy at Burger King. The King, who took care of his kingdom and made sure all the burger problems were taken care of has been replaced by a bunch of stupid humans in customer service. I also read today that Wendys is about to take over Burger King's spot. This is what happens when a company messes with an order for Demon Flash Bandit. They probably wish I hadn't written anything about their treatment of my order in my blog. I think they had better fix the kingdom by putting the king back on his throne. The humans running the place aren't doing a good job. I would volunteer to be in charge, but I'm eating at McDonalds now, and I suspect it would be an annoying job that would eat into my nap time.

By the way, an update on yesterday's igloo building blog--I have decided to include a bathtub. It is not for baths, but it is for waterboarding terrorist birds. I really hate those evil birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Long Live the Burger King!)

Building My Own Igloo

I heard the radio say we are going to have snow tonight, and they had better be right or this dog is going to go to the weather service and give them some puppy slaps of justice. I love snow, and you don't promise a dog snow and not deliver! As usual, my human was not happy about it. She was actually hoping that it was a radio station out of Saginaw instead of Detroit. I have no idea why the humans around here don't like snow. It is lots of fun to play in and it is cold and delightful!

I have decided to build an igloo this year. I plan to build it big enough so the whole family can live in it. You can be sure it won't have the one thing that annoys me in this house--the furnace. Yes, the house is toasty warm even when it is extremely cold outside. I keep hoping the humans will turn it off and not use it at all...it would even save them money because I hear them talk about how it costs a lot of heat the house. My idea of not turning it on would save them a small fortune which could be better spent on dingo bones if you ask me. I shed enough fur to keep them warm so it is a win-win situation for all of us if they decide to live in the igloo I plan to build. My only problem at the moment is how I can keep the igloo livable year round. There is no problem during the winter having a nice cold place to live, but then spring will rear its ugly head and threaten to melt my igloo. This is the same problem that Frosty the Snowman has had to deal with. He gets a magical hat, and is able to dance around until the sun comes out and causes problems. I need to watch some Frosty specials on television to see if he ever found a way to work out that problem. I've got to go now. I'm going to have an architect draw up the plans for my igloo. You don't expect me to live in an ordinary igloo, do you? I plan on having a lot of special features that the humans don't have....like a room for storing and eating of bones which I call the bonery. You can be sure that there will be one thing missing from my igloo that the humans think you need--a bathtub and/or shower. I see no need for baths so I'm not wasting money putting a bathtub in my igloo. I just heard the doorbell ring....it must be the architect...I'll write more tomorrow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Igloo Builder)

Critter Crave on the Christmas List!

I wrote about Critter Crave awhile back, and I have an advertisement for it on my blog. I got a package from them today that Mommy ordered for me, and because I blogged about them, they sent me a couple of extras. I want everyone to know that the chocolate is delicious, and I loved it. If only Angel Zoom Smokey didn't love it too, I could have eaten a lot more of it. Since Christmas is coming soon, I think it would make a great gift for the dog on the list. I hope Santa Paws knows about this delicious product because a dog gets tired of being told he can't have any when the humans are eating chocolate. Dogs, put it on your Christmas list--you will not be sorry...and you'll thank me later.

Demon Flash Bandit (Loving Critter Crave)

No Need to Work for Food--The Humans Give it to Me Free

There is a reality show which I don't watch that I am always hearing about. That show is Extreme Couponing. This dog has better things to do with my time than to sit around clipping coupons. However, I have to admit that when I learned that a dog can save money by using said coupons, I had to give it some thought. My thought is that I am not going to worry about the cost of food because my humans are supposed to do that. I will just sit back and nap and wait for them to give me food. I don't care how many coupons you use, you aren't going to get your food free, and still nap and not have to do any work. I think us dogs have a better system than those humans with their extreme couponing. Of course, it does require some cuteness and that is hard for the humans to pull off..it comes naturally to us dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (No Need To Use Coupons)

Here I Go Awaffling

I wrote about Walmart yesterday and the violence at some of the Black Friday sales. The customers at a Walmart in Arkansas got into a riot over some $2.00 waffle makers. Do the humans in Arkansas not know that they make frozen waffles which are popped into the toaster and ready in about a minute with no preparation and no clean up? It is almost like the humans want to work more. I am lucky to have intelligent humans who know how to do things properly. If they want waffles around here, they go to the freezer, pop them into the toaster, and put them on a disposable plate. Yes, there is a dishwasher in the kitchen, but using it would require loading and unloading and putting things away. To be fair, when my human was in better shape, she used to do stupid things like make her own stuff, but now she says she is questioning the wisdom of all the extra work she did in her youth in order to save money...like disposable plates are that expensive. I could have told her these things had I been around back then, but Mommy is a lot older than I am so she had to go with her own wisdom, and let's face it, compared to dogs, the humans are idiots! By the way, she has discovered when maple syrup rose in price that caramel sauce meant for ice cream makes a great topping for waffles. I'm pleased that she can figure some things out for herself. I like the caramel sauce too...but I'm also a fan of maple syrup. Both are delicious-even by themselves!

Demon Flash Bandit (Waffling)

Walmart or Stupidmart?

It comes as no surprise to my humans that, once again, there were people injured at a Walmart location during their after Thanksgiving sales. This year my brothers talked Mommy into going to Walmart to their midnight sale. The Walmart in Howell, MI is not one that is known for violence, and there were no incidents of bodily harm there, but Mommy didn't stay long, and she says she can see why Walmart has so many problems compared to the other stores. She noticed that there were lines for the 32 inch television, the 40 inch television, and the $248.00 computer. If you stood in line long enough, and were lucky, you would to buy the item. One was in the pet section, one was around the crafts, and one was somewhere else--she never quite found out where. She was there almost an hour before the sale started, and she was told by an employee that the items were already sold out---an hour before the sale even began. However, they did not share that information with the people standing in line--Mommy was not in line at the time, but I think that was something that should have been told to everyone in line. Mommy did not stay long-she was not particularly impressed with the sale. Mommy already has a lot of the electronic gadgets, and if she doesn't have them, she doesn't care about having them. She overheard one of the ladies that bought a 32 inch television say (actually, she had 2 in her cart), that she had to wait 3 hours in line to get them. The math doesn't add up for this dog. It sounds like they didn't need to form a line at midnight because they were already gone-before the sale started. This dog thinks that Walmart, although an okay store, is run very stupidly. On the good side, it gave Mommy an excuse not to stay long, and she got out of there as quickly as possible. This is also why she doesn't do a lot of shopping there. Many of their prices were the same as at several other local stores, but those stores were not having people wait in line and were not out of stock. Mommy does not usually go to Walmart much, and she has always avoided it for their after Christmas sales. Now my brothers understand her wisdom. If the humans had listened to me, they would have stayed home and rested. I never underestimate the value of a good nap! Walmart used to be a nice store years ago before they became "super Walmart" which seems to refer to their "super stupidity".

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Walmart)

Demon Flash Bandit

Cell Phones for Dogs

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have decided to write about the things that I am most thankful that I have. First, of course, are my humans who take care of me, and love me. However, there are also many other things that make life worth living. Dingo bones, milkbones, rawhide bones, real bones....you might have noticed a theme, and it is true--I do enjoy a good bone! I also enjoy my toys. I don't play with them as much as I did when I was a puppy, but I still like to get new toys and I like to have them around to make me feel important. Now if only the humans will get me my own cell phone so that I can bark with my doggy pals, that would make life even better. Believe me, I have listened to the converstions the humans have, and nothing they have to say is that important. I have far more important things to bark about! I guess I'll have to ask Santa Paws for one because the humans don't seem to think a dog needs his own cell phone. Once again, the humans should not be allowed to think...it is too hard for them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs His Own Cell Phone)

Turkeys Don't Deserve a Pardon!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the United States, and I have to say that even though my family will be eating our tradtitional Thanksgiving pizza, I am glad that many families will be eating turkey. Turkeys are birds, and this dog hates birds! Therefore, Thanksgiving is a holiday that is dedicated to killing our feathered enemies. Yes, when you take a bite out of that turkey, you can think about all the birds who left their "bird bombs" on your possessions or even your person. They go around dropping those bombs wherever they please like they own the planet. I might add that 2 turkeys get a Presidential pardon every year. Where do those birds get to live? Disneyland...yeah, they get to live out their lives having fun yet dogs aren't allowed into Disneyland. This is what happens when you have an entertainment complex run by a mouse. He does allow Goofy and Pluto, but of course, they are working at the park. It isn't like they can sit back and enjoy themselves like those pardoned turkeys. It does not seem fair to this dog, but as all of us know, life is not fair. I do promise that if I am elected President, I will not pardon any turkeys at Thanksgiving. There is no way I could let a bird go free. It is against my instincts as a dog to do so. Besides, if they were not guilty of being turkeys, they would not need a pardon. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Pardoning Turkeys)

Metric System Too Logical For Humans!

How many of my readers are aware that standard measurements are not the same all over the world? I had to go to the store the other day to get some vodka for my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, and the bottles were not in ounces, pints, quarts, or gallons, but in something called liters. I didn't buy them because how is a dog supposed to know how much he is getting for his money when they aren't measured properly? Sure, this upset Phantom, but I had to tell Phantom that some things are more important than his alcoholism. Sometimes a dog has to take a stand, and not buy things that aren't properly marked. I know that the United States is only one country, but it is a country that is powerful, and happens to be full of humans who do not like to learn new things. I have to agree with the humans here. I have been told that back in the 70's, the government tried to make the people here convert to the metric system. I could have told them that it would never happen. The "metric system" which is used by the rest of the world and some scientists and doctors is a stupid system. In case you are wondering why it is stupid, it is logical. Humans are the least logical species on the planet so it is insane to think that their system of measurement should be logical. Besides, there is that cute children's song called Inchworm. This is an important song for children learning how to multiply. It is not a meterworm, it is an inchworm which means that even nature prefers the system of measure used in the United States. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. If other parts of the world want to be backward and use a "logical system", that is their problem but this U.S. dog will continue to buy only things measured in good old fashioned measurements. If you expect me to change, you will have to pry that yardstick out of my cold, dead paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfers USA's System of Measurement)

My Birthday Should be a National Holiday!

Today is my birthday! I am now 8 years old which is also 8 years old in doggy years because I plan to live for another century or two. I am annoyed that my brother Jeff had to work today because I think my birthday should be a national holiday. I have written Congress about this idea, but they are too busy bickering over the budget. I could solve that problem in about 2 minutes and still have time for a nap. I would raise the taxes on the super rich. They won't miss the little bit of extra money since they have more money than they know what to do with anyway. Since some of the Congress humans are against the idea, I would bite some butt until they change their mind and see my logic. The problem with humans is that they aren't willing to put their teeth into a problem. This is why more dogs should be in Congress. We know how to "take a bite out of a problem". Then Congress could get to more important issues-like making my birthday a national holiday. Yes, I think we could all use a Demon Flash Bandit day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants my Own Holiday)

Snoutstik for the Dog on Your Christmas List!

How many of you dogs out there have had a problem with a nose that is dry? I bet there are a lot of us. Now there is finally a product for those of us who want our noses to stay moist. That product is called Snoutstik. You can order it in pumpkin, rosemary, or lavender. At only $3.00 or 3 for $10.50, it is a real bargain. It would also make a great booty stuffer for the dog on the Chrismas list! You can order it on the Internet so you don't even have to go to the store to get it which is the ultimate in convenience. The address is:
http://www.dogtoys.com/snoutstick-nose-balm-for-dogs-rosemary-pumpkin-lavendar.html

I would get my order in early. I bet all the humans will be ordering it for their dogs--not to mention the dogs ordering for themselves.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Snoutstik)

My Opinion of Toilet Day

Today is World Toilet Day which shows that the humans will dedicate a day to almost anything. I never thought the humans would like toilets enough to give them their own day yet there is no Demon Flash Bandit Day despite my constant efforts to have a day set aside for me. There isn't even a day set aside for dogs in general. I want to get in touch with whoever is in charge of these kinds of decisions because clearly, they are not doing a good job. What is next? A day for birds, cats and/or fleas? I wonder if tomorrow is toilet paper day since it seems only natural that if toilets have their own day, then toilet paper must be another thing that deserves its own day. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of dogs who appreciate the nice, cold water in toilets, but they are actually dog watering fountains. The humans have never understood that, and they do disgusting things in a dog's fountain. This is why I have my own watering dish. Until the humans learn that a toilet is a dog's drinking fountain, I think it is best to avoid drinking water out of them. I do wish humans would learn to behave properly. They are often an embarrassment to the family dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Celebrating Toilet Day)

Need Advice: Ask a Dog!

I have already written a blog today, but I decided to give my readers a treat and write another one. The subject for this blog is the news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting a divorce. I don't mean to sound cynical, but this dog is surprised that they lasted this long. I always thought that Ashton married Demi because she had more fame and money than him. Now that he is making a big salary himself, he doesn't need her. This is what I like about dogs. We love the humans unconditionally. It is always sad when there is a breakup no matter whether some of us can see it coming from the beginning or not, but if the humans used some common sense sometimes, maybe they would have a lot less problems. For those of you who need advice or help, always ask a dog. We are so much smarter than the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Advisor)

Demon Flash Bandit: Sexiest Dog Alive!

Recently People magazine chose the "sexiest man alive", an honor given to Bradley Cooper. I was shocked that I wasn't chosen, but I suppose that People must have chosen from among the humans. I bet if it was Dog Fancy, Dog World, Modern Dog, or Bark, I would have won the honor! This is why I think those are the only magazines worth buying except for the Weekly World News/Sun because it is importat to keep up wih the latest news. I'm not bragging, but I happen to think I'm a whole lot handsomer than Bradley cooper!

Demon Flash Bandit (SExiest Dog Alive)

Puppy Pads For Sale!

It turns out that one of the humans has paid $8,000 for underwear worn by Kylie Minogue. I'm not sure who she is because I have never heard of her, but she still sold her used underwear for a lot of money. This gave me an idea. I am quite sure that I am more famous than she is, and I think I'm a lot cuter! If the humans are willing to spend that kind of money for her underwear, I can only imagine how much money I would make if I wore underwear and would be willing to sell said underwear! Since I am a genius (for those of you who missed it, I did win a genius award from the humans), I came up with a plan for making myself a lot of money for dingo bones. I am going to get some puppy pads, and pee on them. I'm sure my puppy pads will bring me a fortune to spend on dingo bones and other treats. Would I buy a used puppy pad? Of course not, but I'm a dog and we dogs have more sense. I wouldn't spend $8,000 on anyone's underwear--not even new underwear for myself!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Another Genius Plan)

I Would Sentence Veterinarian to Jail!

I am going to comment on a story from Virginia today. A dog named Basie was found outside of her yard, and the person who found her took her to a veterinarian who decided to euthanize the dog because she was a "stray". I think this veterinarian should lose his or her license to practice medicine on animals. There is no absolute way to tell if an animal is a stray or not. Dogs get lost or stolen, and collars do come off sometimes. Angel Zoom Smokey has managed to get out of her collar and leash in the past--and end up having the humans chase her through the neighborhood. The details of the story can be read at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/couples-dog-accidently-euthanized-basie_n_1093322.html?ref=dc&ir=DC&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl21%7Csec3_lnk3%7C112675

As a dog, I found this item to be deplorable, and I hope some legal action is taken against this vet. If I were a judge, I would put this so called vet in jail, but I'm not a judge. If more dogs were judges, there would be laws against this sort of thing. I have no idea why the dog was not taken to the local animal shelter and given a couple of days for her humans to find her. What a shame that a vet took matters into his or her own stupid paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Happy With Stupid Veterinarian)

Movie: Cockroaches on a Plane!

In 2006, a movie was made called "Snakes on a Plane". Now it is time for the real life sequel, "Cockroaches on a Plane". There is a couple suing an airline because they said the bugs were coming out of the vents, and all over the place. I am not a fan of bugs, but I do think it is much better to have bugs all over the place than snakes--particularly the poisonous ones. A decade prior to "Snakes on a Plane",
(1996), a movie was made about cockroaches which was titled, "Joe's Apartment". It was a great movie. It is worth buying the movie just to watch the big musical number by the roaches! I never knew that bugs had so much talent! I think the roaches need to hire some better public relations people because most of the humans, and many of us dogs don't like them. Perhaps if they hired the proper public relations humans, they would not be hated so much by other species. Perhaps they need to start dressing for success. I was even reading an article on the Internet yesterday discussing how buying a better cell phone can make you look more successful, which is often the key to being more successful. I can imagine this is difficult for the roaches since cell phones are a bit large for them to carry, but maybe dressing in a business suit might help. Ladybugs have managed to keep a better image among the humans, and don't tell me is doesn't have something to do with their red outfit with the black polka dots. Perhaps if they could cover themselves with fur, it might help because it works great for dogs, cats, and rabbits. They might end up as PETS instead of Pests. While I'm on the subject of public relations people, I could use a good agent. If anyone out there wants to represent a dog, let me know! By the way, for those who would like to read more about the lawsuit, here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/charlotte-couple-sues-air_n_1090910.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for New Movie, Cockroaches on a Plane)

Film Director: Demon Flash Bandit

I have mentioned in the past that dogs are better actors than humans and should star in more movies. However, now there is a product that can help a dog go beyond merely acting and into directing, producing, or even just being a cameradog. That product is from the nice people at dogtek. They sell a video cam for dogs that takes movies as the dog walks around. This opens up a new opportunity for me, Demon Flash Bandit, to become a director. I have some great ideas for a movie, and I even have a brother who has a movie script in the works. I think I'll have him write a script that stars me and maybe Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since Angel Zoom Smokey bit my paw earlier today in a scuffle over the ownership of some Arbys roast beast, I might not let her be in my movie. I will probably make an epic type of movie--you know something on the level of Lord of the Rings, but maybe only lasting 15 or 20 minutes. If I go much longer than that, most dogs are going to want to stop watching to take a nap so you have to keep it down to a reasonable amount of time. In fact, the humans have even less of an attention span. If it goes more than 5 minutes, the average human will be jumping around in their chairs acting stupid. Okay, that is not true. The average human starts acting stupid even before they sit down to watch--it does not take 5 minutes. Anyway, the address for the pet cam is:
http://www.dogtek.com/eyenimal/?utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CImYoZystKwCFcvJKgodpEcuHw
With this web cam, I could start my own television program: Funniest Dog Videos. I bet it would be an awesome television show!

Demon Flash Bandit (Film Director Demon Flash Bandit )

Money: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore!

A couple in Florida have a dog named Tuity who ate $1,000 in cash. Then they fed the dog hydrogen peroxide to make the dog vomit the money back up, and sent the pieces to the Department of Treasury for replacement. I feel bad for the dog being forced to drink hydrogen peroxide to throw up. I can guarantee you if Tuity had something like roast beast from Arbys, Tuity would not have had to resort to eating money. Money was a stupid thing for the humans to feed Tuity because money is not edible unless Tuity is a termite. Perhaps the couple thought they had a pet termite instead of a dog! It would have been cheaper to leave some decent treats laying around for Tuity. Anyway, I think if the humans are going to start feeding their dogs money (and I do not recommend this as a diet option), they should at least face the consequences and not induce the dog into vomitting so that they can get their money back. If you ask me, this is a stingy couple who needs to learn where the treat section of the store is located!

Demon Flash Bandit (Money--Not Edible)

Special Date: 11-11-11

Today is 11-11-11. The reason this date is so important to so many people is that it adds up to 33 or possibly -11 if you are one of those pessimistic type people reading my blog. There are more weddings taking place today because of the date, and the Great Pyramid is shut down. Sure, the Egyptian people might say it is for maintenance, but we know better. Some people think that the power from the pyramid is greater on 11-11-11 so they were planning on visiting and charging their cell phones. How often can you charge a cell phone free of charge--isn't that a great play on words? Shakespeare never wrote with such wisdom. Anyway, I have decided to take advantage of the possible lucky aspects of the day. A dog can use some good luck so just in case, I have some special plans for the day. I plan to take my dingo bone and put it under a piece of paper shaped like a pyramid. I'm hoping it will last longer because dingo bones never last long enough for me. They are so delicious that I can eat them for hours. I hope it turns out to be a lucky day for my readers, and also that my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Date)

I Want a Device that Makes Things Invisible!!!!!

A scientist in Texas is working on some new technology that can actually make items invisible. This has me so excited that I've been doing the happy dance around the house for the past hour! I'm hoping that this technology will be available soon so that I can take advantage of it. Obviously, it would have some military advantages, but I want it for a very personal reason. I happen to live in the same house with another Siberian Husky, Angel Zoom Smokey. I like Angel, and enjoy having her around--until I get something special. I keep telling her that we aren't supposed to share our treats, and that all treats are mine. This is because I am the older dog and I was here first. Being an obstinate creature who does not listen to my wisdom (I don't even think she reads my blog), she continues taking one of the treats when I have made it clear that both treats are for me! Last night each of us was handed a dingo bone. My human made a mistake and handed one to Angel when both are supposed to be handed to me. I tried to explain this to Angel Zoom Smokey, but as usual, she laid there chewing on MY dingo bone, and she ate the entire bone. I was so annoyed! However, when I got up this morning and checked over the news, I saw the article about the scientist in Texas who invented this new invisibility invention, and I knew that I need to order one as soon as it is available. The next time Angel gets my dingo bone, I will use the device to make it disappear. Then later, when she isn't around, I will make it reappear and eat it myself. In fact, anytime she annoys me, I can make her disappear. This has to be one of the greatest inventions of all time. I just hope I don't have to wait too long before it is on the market!

Demon Flash Bandit (Needs an Invisibility Device)

Latest Action Figures!

For those of you who are fans of the royal family, I have some great news for you. For those of you who read my recent blog about British accents, I am barking this one with a British accent since it is about the royal family. Now you can buy an action figure of Kate Middleton or her sister Pippa. These action figures are being manufactured by Herobuilders toys, and it is a company in the United States. You would think a company in Great Britain would see the demand for these action figures, but evidently, they did not. I'm sure that they would be a great addition for those who enjoy playing with action figures. You don't even necessarily need to play with them, but you can display the figures for that "I'm displaying a member of the royal family so I have good taste" type of person. However, playing with them would be awesome. I can just see Kate being the villain and fighting a Superman action figure. Perhaps she is the good guy and is being annoyed by the Joker. The scenarios are endless, and all the good fun provided because a smart company saw the need for making the two women into action figures! I know it is something to be thankful for so it is great that the items came onto the market so close to Thanksgiving. I can just imagine how many families will be sitting around the traditional pizza dinner being thankful for the new action figures. How many prayers of thanks will be offered for such a magnificent item? I bet people haven't been this excited about a product since Larry the Cable Guy wrote a book! I'm sure my readers are thinking, Demon, we love reading what you have to say, but please let us know more about this product so that is just what I plan to do now. Here is the web address so you can see this item for yourself:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/see-kate-and-pippa-middletons-weird-muscular-action-figures-2011811

Be sure and order yours before they run out. Remember, it would make a great Christmas gift!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Kate Middleton and Pippa Action Figures)

Ben and Jerry Should Make a Demon Flash Bandit Celebrity Flavor!

Today's blog is about ice cream. It is cold, it is creamy, it is sweet and it is delicious. I enjoy having it everyday, and if I could have it more often, I would. I sometimes watch Steven Colbert on television and that other show with Jimmy Fallon, and they have their own ice cream flavors as do other celebrities. Ben and Jerry make special celebrity flavors so I only have one question? Why no Demon Flash Bandit flavor? I'm a world famous dog blogger. Doesn't a celebrity dog rate a flavor? I'm not sure if bacon flavor ice cream would taste good, but there are lots of flavors us dogs love. I love peanut butter, carob, cashews, caramel, and many other things that would taste super good in ice cream. I'm thinking caramel waffle flavor or maple syrup waffle flavor would make most of us dogs happy. By the way, I won't even eat Frosty Paws. I tasted human ice cream as a puppy, and the doggy ice cream does not measure up to my standards. Anyway, I think it would be a great marketing idea for Ben and Jerry to make a special flavor that both humans and dogs would enjoy. Don't tell them that I will eat their regular vanilla flavor--they don't need to know that. I want my own Demon Flash Bandit flavor ice cream, and I think all my readers should contact Ben and Jerry and tell them that I need a flavor of my own. I'd even be happy with milkbone flavor ice cream. It would have 2 of my treats put into one treat which means I can eat more of it. As I said yesterday, I didn't get the genius award for nothing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants My Own Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Flavor)

I Won a Genius Award!

I am so excited!!!! I won $200.00 for my genius idea in a contest. I have always told my readers that I'm a genius dog, and now I have proof from the humans. I promise that I will stay the humble, genius dog that I have always been despite this major award for my intelligence. I wonder what I will win next....the presidency of the United States, the Nobel peace prize, some more dingo treats? The possibilities are endless. I would like to thank the nice people who recognized my genius. I am so pleased that I was able to give the humans such a brilliant idea that they can use to make their lives better. What was the idea? It was to get a dog. Sure, I know all us dogs know that, but it was humans voting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Dog)

British Accents: Not Good For Telling Bad News

I was listening to a BBC broadcast about a terrible car crash pile-up. I'm very sorry about the tragedy, but I have decided that English broadcasters should not be allowed to report bad news because they just don't have the accent for it. The more I listened to the pleasant British accent, I realized that this is just not the accent for telling bad news. This might explain why news stories are scarier in the United States because the news is not reported with a British accent. In fact, if you want to report some really bad news, I think the best accent for that is the New York City one--the one that sounds like the person talking is going to kill someone before they are done talking. I think the honor of announcing executions should go to someone with a Texas accent because they are so gung ho with that idea. British accents in the news should be used when reporting news about the royal family, tea parties, fashion, and news about new inventions since the accent makes the person sound more intelligent. Even British dogs sound nicer than American dogs. We have our tough, American type barks from being brought up in a frontier environment. Now, I have to go and take my spot on the bed, and have some milkbones. Yes, no wonder our bark is scarier...we have such rough doggy lives. LOL

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Accents)

Money Saving Hint

I'm always reading things on the Internet about how to get good deals to make money go further. However, other than using less electricity, there aren't many ways to cut the electric bill. I don't think I have to tell everyone that electricity is something you need if you want to use a computer or technology or even have lights in your house. When it is regular merchandise, you can often get it on sale, but electric companies never have sales where you can use more electricity and you won't pay as much because it is "on sale". Therefore, when I discovered this on youtube, I had to share it with my readers. It is a brilliant plan to cut electric bills without having to cut back on the amount you use. Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kXS37clsZw

In addition to saving money, the guinea pigs are adorable and fun to watch. I am very pleased to be able to share this money saving tip with my readers!

Demon Flash Bandit (Saving Money)

Send Homeless Unwanted Snacks to Me

Since I am the official dog blogger who covers the British royal family, I think it is only appropriate that I address the Internet rumor involving the possibility that Kate is going to have a baby. This rumor is based of some very scientific evidence. She turned down a snack that involved peanuts and is not allergic to peanuts. Obviously, this is reason for some of the humans to assume that she is going to have a baby. I have several explanations for this that do not include her having a baby. She might not have been hungry. She might not like peanut butter. She might be on a diet....sure she doesn't need to be on a diet, but those are usually the humans who watch their weight the most. This is a really radical one: she might just not have been feeling good at that moment....it does happen to all of us--even dogs. Everyone gets upset tummies at times. If she is going to have a baby, that is nice, but I do think it is kind of silly to broadcast it as a rumor on the Internet, and I wonder even more why it matters so much. Someone will take the throne eventually whether the royal couple have a baby or not. Ultimately, it is their business, and if the rumor is true, it will be announced when they are ready to tell people. The important thing here is that all peanut butter snacks that she turns down should be sent directly to me: Demon Flash Bandit or my fellow dog, Angel Zoom Smokey because we love peanut butter. By the way, the same thing goes for bacon snacks. We are both willing to take in any homeless, unwanted snacks. We aren't on diets, and enjoy snacks!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Peanut butter)

Dogs Make Great Movies Better

I didn't get a chance to write my blog yesterday because my human secretary decided to take the day off to go to see a movie. That movie was Johnny English Reborn. She said it was a good movie. However being a human, her opinion does not matter so I will give my own movie review. Thank dog I was allowed into the theatre! It starred Rowan Atkinson, and it was a sequel to Johnny English. I enjoyed the movie, but was a bit disappointed with its overall lack of dogs. However, for a human movie, it was good. Very often the humans don't include dogs in movies. Sure, it is stupid, but the humans know that they can't act as good as us dogs, and don't want to compete!

Today I also want to write about an elephant named Chhouk, who lives in Cambodia. Chhouk was hurt, but was taken care of by nice humans and he now has a prosthetic paw, and can get around like all the other elephants. I always enjoy a true story with a happy ending over one with a sad ending so I thought that I would share this video with my readers. Here is the web address:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVljK6fosDI
If you ask my opinion, Chhouk's story would make a great movie. If they replace the humans with dogs, it would be a spectacular movie. Are you listening, movie studios?


Demon Flash Bandit (Movies Should Star More Dogs)

I Won a Very Important Award!!!

The nice people at Dingo sent me a bag of their grill house bac-n crisps. I actually won them--it wasn't even because I'm a world famous blogger! Talk about being lucky---I was thrilled. I had never tried them, but they are delicious!!!! I recommend them highly to all dogs who are reading this. The Dingo company, the smart dogs (or possibly humans) who came up with the idea of putting meat in the middle of a rawhide bone have come up with another winner!!! These treats are made with real meat, and real meat is something dogs love! Tell our humans to get you some. If you don't want to wait for the humans to get it done, go to www.dingobrand.com and order some for yourself. All you need is that piece of plastic in your human's wallet. I can't think of anything better to use it for than dingo products. The humans would probably just use it on something stupid anyway. You know how they are. Tell the dingo people that Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it funny!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Dingo Grill House Bac-n Crisps)

Giant Robot Birds Spotted Over Indiana

A UFO (unidentified flying object) was spotted over the Notre Dame stadium in South Bend, Indiana. By the way, the city is also home to the Studebaker Museum. I know this because my human Daddy has taken the family to the museum many times. However, I digest---yes, I am still digesting some Halloween candy---whoever invented the apple caramel candy corn flavor should get an award! There was a football game in South Bend, and there was a storm, and some of the humans spotted the UFOs. Hopefully, they were the humans who hadn't already had a few too many beers because the reports from humans in that condition tend to be questionable. It is a true report from non-beer drinking humans because there are even videos on the web showing what flew over. Naturally, whenever there are unusual UFO sightings, everyone always checks out my blog since I happen to be the leading expert on such things. I am the one who told everyone that the UFOs over China were only here to get some take out food. If you were a space alien hanging around in space, don't you think you would get tired of eating that horrible dried space type food they sell in all the space related museums? They have ice cream that isn't even cold. What is the point of ice cream that isn't cold? You can easily see why space aliens would want to stop in for some real Earth food! I know I would. Of course, the humans tend to get a bit upset over sightings until a dog like myself explains to them why the UFOs are here. This time I wish I could report that they are here for such a simple reason, but they are not. In fact, those objects are not spacecraft at all! They are bird robots created by the evil birds who are planning to take over the world. They sent snow to the northeastern United States so that they could send their robot birds to Indiana to see how easy it will be to take over the humans. I can only hope that the humans will listen to a dog--and the entire population of cats before it is too late. If you have a cat, and the cat wants to eat a bird, let him. Cats know that birds are evil, but humans listen to cats even less than they listen to dogs. Perhaps that is partly the cats' fault since they don't tend to like to hang out as much with the humans, and are too busy acting like they don't need anyone but themselves. They can't help it--they are cats! Anyway, it is time to declare war on the birds before it is too late, and all the humans are under the control of their feathery evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Giant Robot Birds--Not Spacecraft!)