Thursday, September 23, 2010

Robin Hood: The True Story

Legends, although not always completely true, usually do have some truth to them. This is true of the legend of Robin Hood. Most people are familiar with the typical tale of Robin Hood. He has been depicted in quite a few movies as being a man of noble birth who went on a Crusade, and returned home to find his lands stolen. He then had to deal with the evil Sheriff--probably one of those policemen who goes around shooting at dogs like Keith Shepherd who killed Bear Bear in Maryland, and the one I read about today who shot a chihuahua 3 times after tazering the dog. Two policemen could not handle one 7 pound chihuahua. I'd hate to send them after a 200 pound human criminal. The sad story of the two murdered dogs is a subject for another blog because this blog is about Robin Hood so I will get back on topic. Robin Hood was a skilled archer and swordsman who had a group of devoted followers called his "merry men". Personally, if this dog had to go around wearing those silly tights, I would not have been so merry, but humans get happy over stupid things. He hung out in Sherwood Forest where he stole from the rich to give to the poor. This is the legend that has been passed down through the centuries. As you may know, if you tell one friend a story, and they tell 10 other friends, chances are if you hear the story from the tenth friend, you won't even recognize that it is the story you told originally, and legends work the same way--except over the years, you have a lot more than 10 people to which the story has been passed down. This is why I am going to share the true historical account of Robin Hood. I have spent countless hours (yeah, like I bother to count) doing research on this subject just so I can write this blog and set the story straight.

Robin Hood, as you might have guessed from his name was a stupid bird. He was an outlaw because all birds are evil. He lived in Sherwood Forest because his nest was there. He robbed from everyone, but the main thing he took was snow which made all the sled dogs very mad. They got in touch with the Sheriff who went to arrest Robin Hood, but every time the sheriff got near to him, he dropped a white bomb on the Sheriff's head. This made the Sheriff of Nottingham very unhappy so he suggested that a bunch of archers get together and try to shoot at Robin Hood. However, Robin was out of town at a arts and crafts festival selling a new product he came up with--hoodies--shirts with hoods to keep your head warm when it is cold. In fact, he was only called Robin until he started the Hoodie business, and then Hood was added to his name.

He made millions of pounds (he did live in England so it was English money), and then he disappeared because the Sheriff was still out to get him. Robin was getting tired of dropping white bird bombs and watching out for the sheriff. He and Maid Marion Oriole, who had a wedding with all the forest birds in attendance probably lived happily ever after--no one really knows since they disappeared. I know this story is historically accurate because I found the manuscript on ebay, and it was written by William Dogspeare, a very popular writer and historian of his time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Setting the Legend Straight)

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