Puppy Tweets

Mattel has introduced a new product, Puppy Tweets, that provides a way for us dogs to send tweets to our owners. Since most of us dogs have problems with typing on the computer, the device comes with 500 pre-recorded "tweets". Dogs can follow other dogs and other dogs can follow them. Now dogs can get involved with Twitter--yes, social networking for dogs on one of the humans' own social sites--did we ever think this would happen? I'm sure many of you are wondering what I think of this new invention. The idea is good, and the price is reasonable (Amazon has it for $29.99), and it sounds like a great idea, but the problem this dog has if that it is on that Twitter. Twitter is one of those sites that upsets this dog since it has a bird as its symbol. Since birds are in a conspiracy to cause global warming and take over the planet, I always tend to think there is a conspiracy whenever I see a bird involved in an item. I know you might say, Demon Flash Bandit, how can you be so sure----it seems harmless enough"? That is just what I would want dogs to think if I were a bird. I'm sure it is harmless-except that it gets the dogs so busy "tweeting" (what a horrible thought-dogs "tweeting at each other") that the birds can take over the world. The humans aren't smart enough to notice--they wouldn't see it coming until the birds have guns at their heads marching them off to some horrible place where they will have to be the slaves to the birds. If you get the dogs busy, that only leaves the cats to watch out for the birds activities, and if the birds are willing to pay the cats enough, those cats just might let them take over. The birds are counting on the item looking innocent while they sneak around and do all their evil bird activities.

As I said, I have nothing personal against the device other than the possibility that it is a device invented by birds to keep dogs from noticing their treachery. However, there is something else that bothers me. If the device is not invented by birds ( and you can prove it to my satisfaction), what is the point of sending pre-recorded messages that Mattel has made up? Why not send actual messages from real dogs? For example, a pre-recorded message that says "its hard to tweet when your all paws" might be a cute message for the humans to receive, but if I'm sending messages to my humans, they will be a bit different. I'll give you some examples. I would tweet. "since you left me with only the dogsitter, at least bring back some Burger King for me to eat." I would also tweet something to the effect of, "you left without me. Didn't you see my face in the window? I hope you are feeling guilty." Perhaps the heart felt, "I'm planning to tear up everything in the house. It is my gift to you for leaving me behind." These are the kind of "tweets" most of us would send. By the way, if a dog sends them, couldn't they be called barks or wolfs. No self respecting dog wants to tweet to other dogs or humans. We do have our dignity to think about.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion Of Tweeting Dogs)