Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Top of the mornin' to everyone. Today is St. Patrick's Day. This brings up a subject which is very dear to me. Why is there no Demon Flash Bandit day? I've written the White House several times suggesting they add it to the list of holidays; but so far, I have received no response from them. Anyway, this is the day that most of the humans become Irish. (You know there are always a few out there who don't get with the program and don't become Irish.) I have posted a photo of myself taken with my Irish party hat on my head. Okay, it isn't really me, but it is my stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman. I have a contract that states that if the humans want to dress me in something I consider to be stupid (and that is pretty much everything), they have to use Phantom. There are a few photos of me wearing a hat, but believe me, they were done without my approval. I also expect extra money for those times. A human can't just expect a dog to do what they want without some kind of compensation.

I think it is appropriate that I give a brief history of St. Patrick's Day and why we celebrate that day. St. Patrick lived a long time ago. I think it was in the 1950's which would make him super old. He decided to move to Ireland because he thought it would be a cool place to live. Before he came to Ireland, there were snakes everywhere, and he wasn't fond of snakes so he tricked them into moving elsewhere. He told them that there was a snake amusement park in another country, and all of us know how much snakes love to ride roller coasters so they left and never came back. I'm not sure how true this story happens to be since there are lots of pubs in Ireland, and maybe St. Patrick just "thought" he saw some snakes. When the humans drink enough green beer, some of them can see anything. Just ask Phantom Fast Snowman. He tends to spend a bit too much time drinking gin himself. Anyway, then St. Patrick discovered some leprechauns, and he put them to work making Lucky Charms cereal, which is how they amassed so much gold. The humans are always trying to get their paws on the gold which is stupid since they should be trying to get the cereal. Humans have a fascination for gold so if a dog can get some, he can trade it for all sorts of useful things--like Burger King burgers or dingo bones.

I hope you have learned something from this blog. I love to share my vast knowledge of world history which I have been studying ever since I was a puppy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy St. Patrick's Day)

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