Cannibal Nightmares!

In the interest of making television shows more entertaining (and a lot more interesting), two shows that I think would be fascinating television if merged together would be Kitchen Nightmares and Hannibal.  I have not seen Hannibal yet because it does not sound like a show that I would enjoy.  I have also refused to watch all the Hannibal Lector movies.  I would call this new show, Cannibal Nightmares.  I would replace Chef Ramsey because he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would  eat another human.  Perhaps they could get some other "villain" like maybe the Joker from Batman.  I could see him chowing down on another human since he does seem a bit crazy.   Okay, I am going to be honest here, I would not enjoy seeing those two shows put together because the whole idea of cannibalism is disgusting.  However, many of the shows that the humans watch around here aren't particularly exciting.  If they did make this show, and it happened to be successful, I can see other similar shows taking over.  Martha Stewart would be serving human chops, and boring everyone to death making craft items out of bones and intestines.  As I said earlier, I would not want to watch the show,   However, a television show based on the movie, Eight Below or Snow Dogs would be a great show!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Potential New Television Shows)

Cats Should not be Celebrities

Today I am sharing a link about how some celebrities have pets that have become celebrities themselves.  Here is the link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/celebrity-pets-becoming-celebrities_n_3963854.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl29%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D381554

This article upset me because, although I can understand people being interested in celebritie's dogs, I have no idea why a cat would become famous.  I don't mind cats, but let's face it, they are still cats.  There is nothing you can do to improve a cat...they are just who they are, and that makes it impossible for them to improve themselves.  Cats, by their very nature, do not even try to please the humans.  It is almost like they are too stupid to know who pays for their food.  We dogs know to be appreciative and act nice so we won't have to get out and get a job.   If jobs were fun, the humans wouldn't complain about them so much.  I am all for making pets celebrities, but not cats!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Speaking Out on Cat Issues)

Stay Puft Marshmellow Man

For the dogs out there who have seen the movie GhostBusters, one of the scarier characters in the movie is the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.  My brother has found a big inflatable Stay Puft Marshmellow Man at a Halloween store in Brighton, MI, and he wants one.  Here is the link so you can see the item I'm writing about:
http://www.spirithalloween.com/product/Nd-Stay-Puft-Inflatable/

Mommy thinks that is a lot of money to pay for what is essentially a big balloon, but I say that anything made out of marshmellows would be a good thing to buy.  You'd think Mommy would realize that marshmellows are delicious and taste good in a dog's mouth!  Mommy told me that the "inflatable" isn't made of marshmellows, but I know she is wrong,.  If it were full of air like she said, it would be called the Stay Puft Air Man, so calling him the Marshmellow Man would set them up for a lawsuit for false advertising.  I think my brother should buy one as soon as possible. In fact, he should buy more than one. This dog does love mashmellows!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Marshmellows)

Movie Review: Insidious: Chapter 2

This dog does not normally go to many "horror" movies largely because I'm not fond of the genre.  However, since my readers depend on my movie reviews, I went to this movie as a service to my readers  who need to know if a movie is worth going to see or not.  I hate to see my readers waste their money on an inferior movie!

Insidious:  Chapter 2 is a sequel to Insidious, and it continues the story of the Lambert family who had more than their fair share of problems in the first movie, Insidious 2 has some moments that are supposed to be scary, but this dog wasn't particularly scared by the movie.  I know that I am a big, brave dog, but I didn't think the movie was that scary.    If you want to be "super" scared, I would suggest you try going to a different movie.  Although the movie was not "great", it was an "okay" movie, and I give it a tail wag and some tummy rubs from the humans.  This would be a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  The only thing that annoyed me was the "cliffhanger" at the end leaving it open for a 3rd movie.  I don't mind them making more of the movies, but I seldom enjoy cliffhangers at the end of a movie at the theatre.  In my opinion, it is not necessary.  Besides, you don't have to leave a movie with a cliffhanger in order to make another movie.

Demon Flash Bandit

Dogs Love Hamburgers!

Today I ran across an interesting item in the news, and it is what most Americans spend on lunch,  Here is the link to the item:

http://money.msn.com/now/what-americans-spend-on-lunch

One percent of Americans  spend as much as $50.00 on lunch, and it is not necessarily the ones who earn the most money.  In fact, the humans who earn less than $25,000 a year spend, on average, spend $11.70 on lunch.  It makes a dog wonder what they are spending on dinner since lunch tends to be cheaper than dinner.  I don't really care how much the humans spend on food because it is not my money so it has no effect on me.  However, some of their dogs have brought it to my attention because they think the humans should cut back on the things they eat for lunch.  That savings could be used to buy their dogs human food instead of dog food.  I won't even get into how the savings could also be used to purchase dingo bones, and dog toys!  All us dogs know that most of the humans aren't good with money.  They are easily manipulated into buying stupid stuff they don't need so that is why I am writing this blog.  I hope the humans who might read this and overspend on their lunches realize that they could buy cheaper food for themselves, and bring home some burgers for their dog.    I am very fond of burgers, and I eat them everyday.  Some things a dog never gets tired of eating!

Demon Flash Bandit (Advocates Feeding Dogs Burgers)

Bacon is the Word!

My word for today is "bacon".  Why bacon?  Because I love it.  I love the way it tastes, how it smells when it is cooking, and the texture of it in my mouth.  It is a delightful meat which is banned in many religions because God was watching out for us dogs.  If the humans can't eat it, then it stands to reason that they would feed it to their dogs.  You do know what God spelled backwards is:  DOG so it is only natural that the supreme ruler of the universe would be watching out for us dogs by making sure we get lots and lots of bacon.  Unfortunately, my humans religion does not ban them from eating bacon so Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have to resort to clever means to get more bacon.  NOTE:  Dogs, do not walk around the house in a pig suit hoping to give the humans the idea to buy more bacon.  They have been known to slaughter pigs to get bacon so it is not safe.  Remember, you are dealing with humans and they aren't geniuses!

Speaking of bacon and pigs, how can a store like Piggly Wiggly sell out to a larger chain.  I am sharing a link to the story:

http://money.msn.com/now/post--why-piggly-wiggly-shoppers-are-in-mourning

How can a store with such a cute name and cute mascot not do well?  Walmart does well despite their stupid "happy face" which lacks cuteness and creativity.   Give me the pig mascot any day over the happy face. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Bacon is the Word)

Kibble Nightmares

For those of you who have watched the television show, Kitchen Nightmares, you will understand how I came upon the concept of Kibble Nightmares.  On Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon Ramsey goes to different restaurants all over the United States that are in danger of closing.  He tries to help them discover their problem(s) so that they can continue to stay open.  It is an interesting show.  I enjoy watching it although many times I do wonder how a bank would loan some of the humans who run these restaurants money since some of them seem to do such a bad job with the money they are loaned.  There are no programs on television like this for dogs so I decided to create my own which I think will be a big hit.  That show is called  Kibble Nightmares.  As a dog who eats human food instead of dog food, it amazes me that so many dogs are given kibble instead of regular food (which, in my opinion is human food).  I visited some of these dogs homes to try their cuisine, and I am going to share some of the "unscripted" moments from the pilot episode:

Demon Flash Bandit is visiting the home of Spot, a terrier from Texas.

Demon Flash Bandit:  Nice to meet you Spot.  Did you know that there is a book called Fun With Dick and Jane in which a dog named Spot is featured? 

Spot:  Yes, Demon, that Spot in the book is my great  (50 more greats) granddaddy. 

Demon Flash Bandit:  How nice for you.  You must be proud!!!  Now onto the cuisine you are served by this family.  What do you normally eat for dinner?

Spot:  I am fed kibble.   I have saved the last bowl for you since I didn't mind not eating it anyway, and I wanted you to see how they actually feed me.  I overheard them talking about feeding you hot dogs instead.  I think they are trying to make themselves look good for the you since you are famous and will be writing a blog entry read by millions about their dog feeding habits.

Demon Flash Bandit: It would not have worked.,  I don't like hot dogs and won't eat them.  Now I will try the food. 

Spot brings the food bowl to Demon. Demon takes a bite.

Demon Flash Bandit:  First of all, I don't care for the presentation.  This bowl is shaped like a fish and was obviously meant for a cat.

Spot:  Yes, that is the cat's bowl.  The humans like to save money by making us share bowls.

Demon Flash Bandit:  That is ridiculous!

Demon takes a bite of the food.
Demon Flash Bandit:  This stuff is awful.  It tastes like dried food that isn't worthy of feeding a bird.  Let me go into your kitchen and inspect it.

They go into the kitchen.

Demon "spots" the problem. 

Demon Flash Bandit:  I am throwing this kibble in the garbage, and I'm getting a steak out of the refrigerator for you.  I think the humans just mistakenly fed you dog food like you are a dog. 

Spot:  Thank you so much Demon.  This steak is delicious!

Once again, another Kibble Nightmare solved by me, Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Chef Demon Flash Bandit)

Disposable Versus Reusable

Is there no end to the "silly problems" that the humans can't seem to solve unless a dog gets involved?  Today I read an article on MSN about the humans who don't have a lot of money having problems getting enough diapers for their babies.  We dogs solved this problem with our puppies centuries ago, and it is called the lawn or grass.  However, the humans aren't going to go with the simple "dog" solution because they insist on making everything complicated.  Here is the link to the diaper article for those who are interested:
http://news.msn.com/us/lack-of-diapers-can-cause-serious-problems-for-families

I'm sure it is a problem because those disposable diapers can get expensive since babies insist on going through so many of them.  I did some serious research and discovered that there was a time before disposable diapers were invented that involved cloth diapers and washing them once they were used.  Unlike disposable diapers, you can re-use the cloth ones.  Of course, the big companies don't get rich selling diapers, but if it comes to eating or buying diapers, this dog would go for the food!   The article does point out that washing cloth diapers is not an option for many people because they do not own clothes washers, and many Laundromats do not allow people to wash diapers.  However, there is a portable washer that is made by several different companies that will wash clothing, and you do not need a special water hook-up for them to work.  They hook up to the existing water supply. At $100 a month for disposables, wouldn't it be cheaper to give out portable washing machine vouchers to those who need them.  I don't claim to be a mathematician, but it seems that, in the long run, the humans would save a lot of money by using the cloth ones.  Of  course, if they followed their dogs example, they would encourage the babies to go outside and use the grass.  For those who have never heard of a portable washer, here is a link:
http://portable-washing-machine.toptenreviews.com/

What would the humans do without us dogs to show them the way?

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Yet Another Human Problem)

A Visit With the Veterinarian--or Dogterrorist

I hate to write about this experience, but I think it needs to be recorded for dogsterity.  I had this little spot on my paw that I kept licking, and the humans decided I needed to see one of those" vet" doctors.  I would prefer to see the same doctor that my humans see because I've heard some of the older humans who have been in the military say that army doctors aren't that good for the most part.  As a dog, I think I deserve the best doctor possible. 

The visit did not start out well when the vet (who I will refer to from this time forth as "the dogterrorist" proceeded to put a muzzle on me.  Then she took me into another room.  I assume this is so my humans wouldn't hear her say, "Hey Bane, I'm Batman".  I want to go on record stating that I am not Bane nor have I ever been Bane.  If I were a super villain, do you really think I would have let them put a muzzle over my mouth in the first place? 

The dogterrorist brought me back into the room with my humans.  Incidentally, when a  dog has been traumatized by a vet, the last thing he needs to hear from his human is, "Demon, the blue muzzle matches your blue eyes".  Humans have to be the stupidest species on the planet!  I don't care for accessorizing when I haven't been tortured, and I have no patience for it when I've been tortured!

The vet told Mommy that I needed to take an antibiotic, and Mommy explained to her that I don't cooperate on the "taking pills" issue which is true.  That is when the vet got a needle, and I don't even want to tell you what she did with that needle; but suffice it to say, I was not happy with her!

To add insult to injury,  my human PAID MONEY for me to be treated as such by the dogterrorist..  That is money that could have been better spent (in my opinion) on dingo bones and other treats.  I think the vet should have paid me for pain and suffering....and I'm hoping a judge will agree when I take the matter to court.  I hope there are some dogs sitting on the bench.  There should be--we dogs like to sit on benches!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Visit to the Dogterrorist)

I Should Have Won the Powerball Jackpot!

The latest power ball winner, who bought the ticket in South Carolina has won a whopping $400 million dollars!!!  This jackpot was supposed to be won by a dog (a Siberian Husky in Michigan) who had big plans for the money he was going to win.  Why didn't he win?  Because his stupid humans forgot to buy a ticket for him.  In case you are wondering, yes, I am that dog!!!  I told my humans to buy a ticket for me, but they "forgot"!  In fact, my humans don't buy many lottery tickets largely because they think that the likelihood of winning is such a long shot.  I think there is no excuse for them "forgetting". I reminded them several times., I even called them on their cell phones to remind them to get me some tickets.   My humans think they are so smart, but I just had to give them my "if you don't buy a ticket, you won't win" lecture.  I would have bought the ticket myself but the stores that do not allow a dog to enter are the ones that have the lottery sales.  I'm tired of all this discrimination against dogs by the humans.  They let humans in all the stores, and dogs have to stay outside.  This is not fair, and should not be allowed so I am writing my government representatives to let them know that they need to pass a new law:  The Americans Watching out for Dogs Act.  I think it is about time this legislation is passed!  We dogs have waiting patiently long enough. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Had Plans for Winning Monetary Rewards)

Tooth Fairy Not Making House Calls Anymore?

What is the world coming to when the humans have to build a special system so that the Tooth Fairy can get a child's tooth and leave money without even having to show up at the house?   Did the Tooth Fairy get that idea from her doctor who said, "I won't do house calls because I don't want to".  There was actually a time in the history of the United States when doctors did come to the patients house to treat that patient when the patient was sick.  I understand that the Tooth Fairy is a busy lady, but I think a child who looses a tooth deserves an actual visit from the Tooth Fairy not just the money!  Here is the link for the humans who want to make the Tooth Fairy's life easer.

http://now.msn.com/tooth-fairy-delivery-system-takes-care-of-business-in-this-viral-video

I say if the Tooth Fairy is a dog, then this would be a great idea.  However, since the Tooth Fairy is not a dog, I think letting her get by with such laziness just is not fair!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Lazy Tooth Fairy)

Cut Down on Playing Grand Theft Airboat

I saw an item in the news today about childhood obesity, and judging from my recent blog about obesity among alligators, I can see that this is an important blog topic.  Personally, I don't think it is a coincidence that so many species are having similar problems so I have decided to do my own research to get to the bottom of this problem.  After an exhaustive 10 minutes of research (a dog has other things to do), I found the answer just by talking to Mrs. Agnes Gator, a wife and mother of 4 baby alligators.  According to Agnes, the kids need to quit playing so many video games (like the highly popular  Grand Theft Airboat), and start doing some chores around the swamp.  Don't get me wrong-I have nothing against video games and watching television (my personal favorite is Wally Gator), but young gators and young children need to do more active things too.  If you give them chores to do, then it is a win-win situation for the parents.  Your young gators won't get so fat, and there will be work that you can have them do so that you don't have to do it yourself.   I have a hard time believing a stupid gator could think so intelligently.  I bet a dog is the one who shared this information with the gator!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cut Down on  Playing Grand Theft Airboat)

I Plan to Win the Powerball Jackpot!

None of the humans have picked the winning numbers in the powerball  lottery game.  This means that a dog can buy a ticket for the next game and win a lot of money.  The jackpot is an estimated 400 million dollars which, I don't think I have to tell you, will buy a LOT of dingo bones!  I encourage everyone to buy tickets so that, when my numbers match, I will win an even bigger jackpot.  I could get used to being a rich dog.  I think having my dingo bones covered with yogurt frosting would only be an improvement.  For those who might be worried that I will win big money and quit writing my blog, that won't happen. I make the humans do most of the work on my blog anyway.  It isn't like I'm typing with my own paws!

Here is the lottery link for those who are interested:
http://www.powerball.com/pb_home.asp

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Plans to Win Jackpot)

There is some big news from Dearborn Heights, Michigan.  A restaurant called Moo Cluck Moo is now paying its employees $15.00 an hour!  Imagine getting to work around food, and actually being paid a "living" wage!  That would be a dog's dream come true if we actually had to work for our food.  Thankfully, most of us do not!  My humans are going to try out this restaurant the next time they are in the Dearborn Heights area (it is about an hour's drive from where I live).  It is about time some of the restaurants paid more to the employees.  I know the big corporations like McDonalds will claim that they will go under or have to raise prices, but paying more would also allow them to hire better quality employees.  From my observation, the restaurants have a lot of mistakes and waste simply because, contrary to popular belief among many of the humans, those jobs do require a certain amount of skill and brains.  Paying a higher wage allows a place to be picker with its hiring policies and they generally get better workers.  I remember years ago reading an article in the newspaper about how McDonalds had promoted a manager working there who was still in high school.  I suppose they thought it was good public relations, but this dog thought it made the corporation look stupid.  How many high school kids are really ready to manage older workers or even workers their own age?  There is something to be said for life experience too.  Anyway, this dog commends the owners of the Moo Cluck Moo for having the common sense and the concern for their employees to make such a wise decision.  When fast food depends so heavily on volume and speed, you'd think that they would want to pay more and hire faster and more dependable workers.  I look forward to trying the food at Moo Cluck Moo!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commending Moo Cluck Moo)

Celebrating Thursday the 12th

For those dogs out there who are superstitious, today's date of Friday the 13th is a day to dread.  I have done some serious research into why the date is so scary to many of the humans and dogs, and I am going to share my thoughts with you on the subject

.  Thirteen is a very scary number to parents.  This is when their children officially become teen agers, and teen agers tend to strike fear into the heart of adults everywhere.  It is the magical age where the once nice child becomes an obnoxious, annoying know it all.  Many parents of toddlers dread the "terrible twos", but the teenage years make the terrible twos look like the tremendously fun twos.  This is mainly a problem with human parents largely because dog teens are usually out on their own before they reach those formative years.  Besides,  Mommy dogs don't take the kind of guff off the puppies that the humans will.  Angel Zoom Smokey has a whole corral of stuffies without eyes and noses so, if she had a real puppy, that puppy would know not to mess with his mommy!  If I were a daddy dog, I would basically do what I do now with my life;  lay around sleeping all day.  Doesn't it make you wonder why the humans think they are so smart when they are the ones out working while their dogs stay home and relax? 

In conclusion, I have found a way that the date does not bother me at all.  I have not taken the page off yesterday's calendar so, around here, it is still Thursday the 12th.  You'd think the humans would have enough common sense to do something so simple.  However, I've learned not to expect much from the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating Thursday the 12th)

Movie Review: The Butler

This dog went to the movies so it is time for a new movie review, and today's movie is, The Butler.  This movie is based on a true story about a man who was raised on a farm as a sharecropper whose Daddy was killed when he was young by the owner of the house.  The owner's family took him into their home  from the fields which ultimately gave him the "education" to become a butler at the White House.  He was a butler for many presidential administrations during the following 3 decades.  Cecil Gaines (I have no idea whether his name was changed or not for the movie) had 2 sons, and one of his sons was killed in VietNam, and the other was in the Civil Rights movement of the 1960's.  Personally, this dog likes movies like this because most people are "regular" people and don't really have a great deal of power over the events of the world, but they are ultimately the ones who are most affected by those events.  One thing about this movie that fascinated me is that this man spent much of his life "waiting" on the people around him, and doing stupid, thankless tasks like polishing shoes and silver.  I wondered how much better off the humans would be if they quit assigning people to stupid tasks like that which are essentially unnecessary. I've often thought the humans should do a better job of assigning other humans their jobs because I think a lot of intelligence and talent is wasted by putting people who should be in better jobs on stupid mindless jobs.  Of course, I refuse to wear booties so I'm probably the wrong dog to bark to about polishing shoes. 

I give this movie 4 paws up, some tail wags, and some husky kisses.  This would be about an 8 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  It is such a shame that the humans don't tend to treat each other as they should.  Then they wonder why there are so many problems in the world with them getting along with each other.  Humans:  not as smart as us dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Alligator Obesity Problem

With obesity rates soaring here in the United States (about 35.7%) among humans, I decided to do some research to see if this has become a problem for other species as well.  From my research, I have concluded that it is affecting other species as well.  Case in point:  in Mississippi, a man named Delco Turner of Glucksstadt captured an alligator who (or was--I'm not sure if he is still alive), 13 feet, 6.5 inches long, and weighed in at 741.5 pounds.  During the week before, there were 2 alligators caught who set size records.  I think that the big problem, like with the humans is probably "fast food"  In the case of the "gators" my guess is that the gators aren't getting enough "fast food" so they aren't getting enough exercise and are putting on more weight.  If you run into a super large gator, I would suggest you not make any weight loss suggestions because I suspect the gators don't appreciate being called "obese" or even "fat".  I've found it wise not to make an alligator mad since their teeth are actually larger than mine.
It is also entirely possible that they are related to the famous alligator, George, in Florida who used to own all those tourist trap souvenir places.  You know George makes a lot of money from those stores, and he probably is financing expensive diets for his family.

Demon Flash Bandit  (Alligator Obesity Problem)

Kevin Spacey; Dog Arch Villian and Dog Killer

My Mom bought the first season of House of Cards, and this dog was appalled to see that Francis Underwood (played by Kevin Spacey) plays the role of a Congressman whose very first action in the television show is to strangle a dog.  Yes, you read correctly--he strangled a dog!!!!  I couldn't believe that Jeff would recommend this television show to Mommy.  Angel Zoom Smokey was watching it, and she was so disgusted that she got up and left the room.  I heard all about it from her because I was napping in my favorite spot in front of the French doors in the great room.  She came running into me to tell me how awful the show was, and how could the humans buy such a horrible show?  I assured her that, from the lecture Jeff was getting from Mommy, I could tell that Mommy did not approve of the opening although she says the show is not bad.  Jeff honestly did not know that is how it started, and I'm sure he wouldn't have suggested her buying it had he known.  This brings me to the point of my blog topic today.  I know Kevin Spacey is just playing a part, but when the part involves killing a dog, as a dog myself, I take that very seriously. 

If this was the first and ONLY time he was mean to a dog, it would be different but need I remind you that in Superman Returns, he was hardly a dog lover in that movie either.  I overlooked it in that movie simply because he was playing Lex Luthor and everyone knows what a villain he is.  However, now I can only assume that he must enjoy the role of dog arch villain since he has taken it on more than once.  No one is forcing him to take these roles, and I don't care how nice he was in the movie K-Pax, this dog is not fooled!  In this movie, he played a mental patient who claimed to be from another planet.  I have given this matter a lot of thought, and I have decided that Kevin Spacey is a visitor from another planet, and that he came to Earth to harm dogs and be an arch villain to our species.  I think he is from that evil bird planet that gave us the Angry Birds.  If you ask me, I have no idea why the birds are angry anyway.  It is dogs who should be angry that we have to share the planet with those bomb dropping feathered varmints!

You may think that I'm a crackpot, but when the truth comes out in the future, and we find that Kevin Spacey is honestly an alien who came to Earth to kill dogs, you know you heard it from me first.  Once again, Demon Flash Bandit is first with the big news!

Demon Flash Bandit (Kevin Spacey:  Alien Dog Killer)

Don't Put Blame on Innocent Tooth Fairy

I have written in the past about the Tooth Fairy, the Fairy who visits human puppies who lose a tooth to give them money for the tooth.  Evidently, baby teeth are very popular in their land.  Most children are thrilled to have the tooth fairy visit since it is one of those win/win situations for them.  They lose a tooth, get paid, and get a better tooth as a replacement.;  This makes the Tooth Fairy a delightful childhood figure for most of the human puppies.  However, I have a link to share:

http://mom.me/fun/8948-greatest-viral-parenting-moments-history/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl18%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D369379

This link contains a letter written by the Tooth Fairy who not only does not leave the child money, but blames the child for the lack of money because the room is too messy for the Tooth Fairy to find the pillow.  If you ask me, I think the parents grabbed the real Tooth Fairy, and they put the note in the child's bedroom.  The Tooth Fairy Rules of Money Dispensing have no rules for whether or not the child has a neat or messy room.  Besides, the real Tooth Fairy would just fly over, get the tooth, and leave the money.  She would not have to walk through the mess anyway.  She is magical so I don't think finding the proper pillow would be that difficult.  Besides, my 3 brothers all had special "tooth fairy" pillows that stored their tooth in a pocket so there would be no confusion if the Tooth Fairy had a busy night!  I think these parents are guilty of bad parenting in the least and possibly should be prosecuted for impersonating the Tooth Fairy.  The Fairy Union has some serious rules regarding impersonating any of the Fairy Tale characters.

On an even more important note, how could this possibly affect us dogs?  If the parents are beginning to put strings attached to tooth fairy money, will a dog have to do more tricks to get treats?  I think we are safe because one thing about us dogs, if the humans don't leave us money for a tooth, we just might sink our other teeth into said human.  We dogs don't take the guff the human puppies are willing to take! 

Perhaps a more effective way to deal with this situation would have been for the parents to leave the innocent Tooth Fairy out of it.  They could have.....get ready for it....bark at the child to clean the room.  Sometimes a parent does have to look like the "bad guy".  Don't try to pin it on the Tooth Fairy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Defending Innocent Tooth Fairy)

Dog Apps

It is nice to know that most of the humans do like dogs and enjoy having us around.  It is one of the few things that the humans do that makes sense!  Because of that love, there have been apps invented with dogs in mind.  I'm not sure who "invented" the individual apps because it probably was a dog; but at least the humans have the good sense to pay for the apps.  Here is the link to the story:

http://msnvideo.msn.com/?channelindex=1&from=en-us_msnhpvidmod#/video/2a668da7-9743-03f2-1363-5dfb32ebff93

I do think the apps that tell the humans where the dog is located might be an invasion of privacy for dogs, but I'm checking into bringing about a class action lawsuit against the company for that app.  However, if it keeps us dogs safe, we may not bring it to court.  We are still barking among ourselves on that one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Apps)

Security Advice for Buckingham Palace

I have already written a blog today, but then I saw that 2 humans had breached security at Buckingham Palace, and I had to write some suggestions for thwarting such events in the future.

First and definitely most important, I would hire guards who would actually be capable of moving their body parts.  A couple of guards wearing silly hats might have the potential burglar laughing in the beginning.  However, even as dumb as are the humans, they will realize that if they walk in, the guards can't stop the burglary because they aren't allowed to move. 

I would also put the royal Corgi dogs in charge of security.  Dogs are smarter than humans, and the dogs can move and bark--something that can't be said of the human guards.  Besides, the Corgis are also cute and would boost tourism rates at the castle. 

The royal family was not at the palace at the time.  My guess is that the royal Prince probably would let the burglars steal whatever they please while he just eats and sleeps.  The only sad thing I can add about that is that he is still probably as useful as the rest of the royal family!

Demon Flash Bandit (Security Suggestions for Buckingham Palace)

What Do Egg Laying Chickens Do When They Retire?

What happens to a egg laying chicken when it retires?  Does it live out the rest of its life collecting Social Security?  Does it move to Miami, Florida with all the other "snow birds"?  If the chicken is among the 1200 retired egg laying chickens who had help from the Sacramento Bee ( a non profit sanctuary for farm animals), those chickens will be well cared for.  They are part of "Operation Chicken Airlift" which is a chartered airplane to carry the chickens to the east coast.  An anonymous donor donated $50,000 for the flight to save their lives.  Angel Zoom Smokey is still upset over this news item.  She thinks chickens are meant for a dog to eat.  Judging from how many of them she has eaten since she was a puppy, I would venture a guess that she has probably eaten 1200 of them since her puppyhood.  Word of warning to any stray chickens who might be running loose around here:  Stay away from Angel Zoom Smokey.
Here is the link to the chicken story:
http://www.delish.com/food/recalls-reviews/egg-laying-chickens-airlifted-retirement

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Retired Egg Laying Chickens)

Movie Review Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

I went to see the movie, Percy Jackson:  Sea of Monsters; and, as usual I am going to let my readers know what I think of it.  The movie stars Logan Lerman in the title role of Percy Jackson.  Since all the other actors were humans, I really don't see the point of listing a bunch of names.  It isn't like there were any dogs in the movie.    This movie is based on Greek mythology.  The children of the gods of Olympus and humans were living in a oasis where they would be as safe as possible from their "enemies".  Then one day, Zeus' daughter died at the hands of one of those enemies.   Zeus, rather than allowing her to die, turned her into a tree that also provided a barrier so that the children would be safe.  Eventually, the barrier was compromised, and the children (who were mostly teen aged by then), were no longer safe.  Meanwhile, Percy had to come to terms with his new half brother whose Mom was a Cyclops.  Therefore,  his brother had only 1 eye.   This meant a search for the golden fleece which is the only thing that can "fix" the situation.
 
I give this movie 4 paws up and some kisses which is about a 7 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I can't spoil it by revealing the ending, but I can say that having a parent whose a god might not be all it is cracked up to be.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Get Treats Even When Your Human isn't Home!

I have some great news today about  a new invention that came from the mind of a human named Brooke Martin.  The invention is called the iCPooch.  This brilliant invention allows a human who is away from home to video chat with their dog, and also to deliver a treat for the dog even when the human is in a remote location.  Yes, you don't just "talk" to your dog and tell him or her that they will get a treat when you return home.  The dog gets the treat NOW!  I don't think I have to tell you how important the "NOW" is in that situation.  This is going to be a great thing for dogs with separation anxiety.  However,  let's face it, even us non separation anxiety sufferers are going to be happy with this new device.  Besides, most dogs will bark that you can never get too many treats!  The item is listed on Kickstarter because they need start up capital to start this venture.  I personally think that all dog owners should reach deep into their pockets to get this device into stores.  We dogs NEED a "vending" machine for treats when our humans can't be there to give them to us from their own hands.  Here is a link so that you can read all about this invention which is sheer genius.  I suspect that Brooke Martin had some help from her dog even if it was just inspiration.

 http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/teens-invention-lets-you-remotely-chat-your-dog-give-him-8C11086338

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Approves of New Invention)

Big News: Humans Do Have a Brain!

Big News:  Researchers at University of California, Riverside, have created a plastic skull inplant that makes it possible to see into the human brain.  The big news here is that humans do have a brain, albeit a primitive one compared to us dogs.  Here is the link to the story:

http://now.msn.com/window-into-the-brain-is-now-a-reality

Remember, just because the humans have a brain, don't expect them to behave any differently.  I suspect that their brain is not only primitive, but from my observation, they don't choose to use it much either.

Demon Flash Bandit (Surprised That Humans Have a Brain)

A Wedding To Make a Dog Proud!

I know that, as a dog, I often wonder why the humans are so foolish with their money, but sometimes a dog reads about a human who actually has some sense about the subject.  Today I am going to share this link with my readers:
http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/the-heart-beat-blog-post?post=e66784f9-c420-4d3b-972b-6570260b2160
This couple in the United Kingdom got married and the wedding cost $1.56.  I know to some dogs this might still be a little extravagant, but I've heard that some couples spend upward of $25.00 on a wedding.  Yes, 25 "big ones" just to get married.  Some spend even more than that, but as a dog, I can't even stand to think about those humans.  If you ask me, it is silly to spend money on a big wedding when the money could be used to make those all important purchases after the wedding.  No, I'm not barking about a house or a car.  I'm barking about dingo bones and squeaky toys for the family dog.  The worst thing about the average wedding is that most of us dogs aren't even invited.  I suspect that is so that we don't upstage the bride because we dogs are extremely cute, and it is hard for the humans to compete with us.  I hope this "feel good" story from the United Kingdom will make those of you out there who are planning weddings a chance to think about your decisions.  Imagine if you could beat their price and have a wedding for less than a dollar!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should be Wedding Planners for Humans)

Happy Birthday to Beetle Bailey Creator!

Today this dog wants to wish Mort Walker, the man who writes the comic strip. Beetle Bailey, a happy 90th birthday!  Beetle Bailey happened to be my older brother's favorite comic strip when he was young.  Beetle is a perpetually lazy private in the army who is always trying to get out of work--usually successfully.  He is one of the few humans who thinks like a dog.  I might add that Sgt. Snorkel's dog, Otto, is also a main character in the comic strip, and I want to congratulate Walker on having the wisdom of adding a dog to his comic strip many years ago.  Anyway, I hope Mort has a happy birthday, and continues to write Beetle Bailey for many years to come.

For those dogs whose humans feed you dog food, there has been another dog food recall and I am sharing the link:
http://losaltos.patch.com/groups/business-news/p/new-dog-food-recall-purina-one
If your humans have any of this batch of food, be sure you don't eat it.  I wouldn't want to see a dog get sick because of contaminated dog food.  This is why I eat human food instead of dog food!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Mort Walker a Happy Birthday!)

What Labor Day Means to Me, Demon Flash Bandit

In honor of the Labor Day holiday, I am going to write this blog about "what Labor Day means to me".  It is about time the holiday was viewed from a dog's perspective.  Labor Day is the day set aside to honor "Labor" for their many contributions to the world.  This day was first celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882 because the humans were put in charge of the dates, and you know how dumb the humans are--they couldn't tell Monday from Tuesday.  Within a couple of years, Fido, the Working Dog, announced that it should be on a Monday.  All the humans listened because Fido had the privilege of being a dog, and the humans  know that dogs are smarter and better than them. 

However, I'm sure my readers are asking, Demon, what does Labor Day mean to you, Demon Flash Bandit?  As a Siberian Husky who is a "working breed", I take Labor Day very seriously.  It means far more to us huskies than it does to a non-working breed (like a poodle).  After toiling all year for the humans, it means we huskies have a day to relax and catch up on our sleeping.  On normal days, this dog is lucky to get to take an 8 hour nap, but on Labor Day, I can sleep all day if I choose. 

Labor Day is also a day for the humans to have barbeques for dogs in which we are offered the kinds of foods we should be offered all day everyday-hamburgers, steaks, etc.  Ice cream leaves a perfect finish to a perfect day.  Now it is time for me to do the thing I love to do best on Labor Day---take a nap!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating Labor Day)