:( Some Sad, Sad, Sad Days ahead. :(

:( Hello,

My Fellow Dog Bloggers Friends.

I know It's Been Awhile Since I Last Did a Blog About Roughly Little Under 5 Months Ago.

Let Me Explain Why I Took So Long to Write Back to you Dogs Out There.

My "Mommy/Secretary" Who Had Been Writing This Blog for the Last 7 or So Years Has Sadly Passed Away On (July 9, 2017) My Human Brother "William/Shelby" is Writing This Blog on Her Behalf of My "Mommy/Secretary" Now.

I Just Would Like to Say for All My Dogs & Humans Out Here on Behalf of My "Mommy/Secretary" My Mom as Well as My Two Human Brother's Would Like to Thank All of You Out There for Reading My Dog Blog for the Last 7 Years & Mom & Two Human Brothers Too.

Unfortunately for My Two Human Brother's They Do Not Have the Comedic Humor Like My Secretary Mommy Did.

This Will Probably Might Maybe Be The Last Blog Entry In Less My Older Brother's Writes for Me.

My Two Human Brothers are Taking Good Care of Me "Demon & Angel" Right Now.

Today Would Have Been My Mommy 62nd Woofday/Human Birthday Today on December 2, 2017

My Mommy's Facebook Page Links: https://www.facebook.com/donna.stansberry.5 If You Would Like to Comment Some Good Comments on My Mommy.

Thank You, The Readers Over the Years of Reading Me & My Mommy Blog Again Thanks. :(

"R.I.P. Mommy"

Offensive Twitter Post

Although I did run for president, and we huskies are excellent rummers.  I try not to write about politics, but some days it is impossible to avoid the subject.  Besides, I am still annoyed that No Name cheated me out of my job.   No name  has posted a video of him wrestling with a human  CNN.  Really???  He is suggesting that it is okay to violently attack a reporter!  His staff should give him a rawhide bone to chew, take the computer out of his paws, and lay him in his doggy bed.  The puppy obviously needs a nap.  He should not be allowed near a computer.  Humom and I have Twitter accounts, but we seldom use them.    It has a bird as a mascot.  I am sure my regular readers know that I don't trust birds.    This world would be a better place if dogs ran the world.  Even Angel Zoom Smokey treats other humans nicer than she treats me.  She said the humans don't eat her donut holes.
 I have one fact to add.  My campaign slogan was Leading the Pact.  No name's slogan was Making America Great Again.
America is s great country, but it is the people that made it great - not the president.

Demon Flash Bamdit

Facebook: A Dog's Opinion

I meant to write yesterday, but humom was sick when she got home from dialysis.  She slept most of the day.  I won't wake her because she needed to sleep, and I am a good boy who loves my humom.  Now I can inform my many readers what I am thinking about today.  If a dog hasn't bothered to read their human friends status on Facebook   I will share a couple.  The names have been changed to protect the stupid.

Human 1   I am at the Walmart and I can't decide whether  to buy an orange shirt or the red shirt,  I will be wandering around the store all day.  .  Let me know what you think.
She bought the purple one.

Human 2. I rented a do it yourself septic cleaning truck.  It did not go well.  I recommend hiring a professional to do the job.
Did his friends need to read that status?  I was disgusted and, keep in mind, I am a dog.  I hope they didn't share photos.  Oh no, I wrote too soon.  They just poztrf photos.  Time to get off Facebook?

One day I was visiting George the Gator in  Florida, and he was on Facebook, but he called in a menu.

Yesterday Angel attacked me for no reason.  The humans gave each of us a donut hole and it was delicious.  Angel didn't eat hers  so I ate it.  She did not need to attack me.  The humans would have given her another one.  Angel suffers from  narcisistic bitch disorder.  I have to live with it because the humans have not taken her to a psychiatrist.

Demon Flash Bandit

Flowers for Humom

Another day another blog entry.  Today I am writing a sugary sappy sweet blog.  Diabetics:  be warned.  I went out for a walky and I wanted to do something  nice for humom.  She doesn't get out much except for her trips to dialysis.  From what I have overheard about that,  she does not have a good time there.  One of the nurses at dialysis gave humom a lovely bouquet and it made her happy.  I also remember hudad buying her flowers.
Lucky for me, there are yellow flowers that I have seen on my walkys.  I stopped for a minute to break the stem with my teeth.  I carried it home in my mouth and gave it to humom.  She was so pleased, and she thanked me for bringing her such a nice gift.  She said it was the most beautiful dandelion she has ever seen.  I didn't realize I brought her the king of the flowers.  I am glad I made her happy.  I love humom, and I am a good boy.

Demon Flash Bandit

We love Johnny Depp Here

Angel Zoom Smokey and humom want to state that both of them are still  fans of Johnny Depp.  He is not a washed up loser.  He has more talent in his thumb than president whose name I will not say has in his entire body.  Obviously Depp has no plans to hurt president no name who is surrounded by secret service body guards.  Likewise, Depp is surrounded by fans.  I have no idea how much a bullet costs, but no name is not worth the cost of a bullet.  I use the words no name because i think he has trademarked his name and this dog isn't planning to be sued by no name.

I have kept quiet until now, but with his overreaction, it is time for me to be honest with my readers.  No name mentioned rigging the election, and he did.  He won because his supporters did not count the dog votes.  I won that election by a landslide.  I am also much nicer.  I do not run around writing nasty things about the humans.  No name cannot be trusted because he has no pets.  I don't know how the humans could vote for a man with no pets.  This proves that I should be President Demon Flash Bandit.

Demon Flash Bandit

No Ugly Dogs

Congratulations to Martha, the Neapolitan Mastiff that was named Ugliest Dog of 2017.  The contest is held yearly at a fair in California.  Of course, there are no igly dogs.  It is one of those ironic names the humans like to bestow on other humans and pets.  My first name, Demon is ironic because I am a good boy.  On the other paw, so is Angel:s name.  Since she reads my blog, that is all I am going to say about ANGEL.

My town celebrated the annual Balloonfest this weekend.  It does look nice when all the hot air  balloons are released. There are other activities to do on the grounds.  I stayed home with humom who can't go to events like that.  My brother, Jeff went, and he had a good time.  That makes me think of the people who say, a good time was had by all.  This  is never true unless it is a small group of humans.  I don't care how much fun an event can be for its guests, there will always be that one human who will never have a good time. Those are the humans who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of depression.  Humans are an odd group.

My neck is better.  Thank you for all your prayers and positive energy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Movie Review and Bacon

When you enter a theater, the aroma of popcorn permeates the air.  Even the humans with their inferior odor receptors (they call them noses) can smell the popcorn.  Many  theaters no longer draw the crowds that they once enjoyed. To be realistic, the potential theater audience has dwindled  due to the wide amount of choices of entertainment enjoyed by the modern audience.  In order for the theaters to keep their doors open, I can offer a way to bring in the crowds once again. The answer is as plain as thr semi useless nose on the human:s face.  The concession stand should sell bacon.  The smell of bacon is the sweetest smell in dogdom.  Even the humans like to smell it.  Imagine sitting and watching a movie while eating bacon?  The theater would be packed.  I have decided to do a movie review on an older movie that humom watched recently
Overboard
This is an unlikely love story between a rich socialite and a poor carpenter with 4 "active" sons and a dog.    In the beginning the socialite  was even more of a diva than Angel Zoom Smokey.  In fact, most people like Angel Zoom Smokey.  No one really liked the socialite  If you are in the mood to watch a light hearted love story, this is a good choice.

Demon Flash Bandit

Dogtor Visit

Yesterday I went to the dogtor.  I have an infection on my neck.  She gave me medicine, and I should be okay soon.  I also
 have a lump that could be a cyst or a tumor.  I will go back in a month so the dogtor can see if it changes size.  I would appreciate the prayers and positive energy from my readers.  I am tired so I will get back to my regular  informative blogs tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit

Worm Monster

Yesterday I went outside for my walky and I bad barely got out of the house when I saw a monster worm coiled up next to the porch.  He was wearing a fancy outfit and I immediately didn't like him. He had an arrogant aura surrounding him.  I didn't try to smell him up close, but  he had the faint smell of mouse  on his breath.  How dare he come into my territory and eat a mouse. How will humom get her wireless  computer mouse if he is eating them?  When I got back from my walky, I told humom about the giant worm monster.  She said it isn't a giant worm.  It is a snake. She   doesn't like snakes although she thinks the one I saw is nonpoisonous. It is still a good idea to avoid getting close to it.  Angel Zoom Smokey saw it and refused to continue her walky.  The snake offered me an apple, but I declined his offer.  The snake can fool the humans, but dogs aren't fooled easily.

Demon Flash Bandit

Take a Bite Out of Crime

Many of my readers will recognize McGruff, the crime dog.  He was a dog who campaigned about crime prevention.  He gave instructions on ways to be safer.  The police knew that people listen to dogs because dogs are awesome.  He was in ads and commercials.  He reminded the humans to lock their doors.  I know it is a simple thing, but some humans would leave their doors unlocked.  I like McGruff as do my humsns.  He was s handsome dog, and with his hat and coat  was irresistible to the bitches.  When he travelled, he had to have a decoy to throw   them off course when he was going to kennel  hotel to relax.

Ironically, McGtuff was arrested in 2011 and is presently doing a 16 year stretch in a Texas jail.  Of course it wasn't really McGruff because it was an actor dressed as McGruff.    One measure of celebrity popularity is to have humans imitating you.  I have the same problem which1 I solve with my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. My lifestyle is not the subject so back to McGruff.  He was brought to justice by a police dog at a routine traffic stop. The authorities got a warrant to search his place.  They found 1000 marijuana plants, 22 weapons, a grenade launcher,and a lot of ammunition.  Perhaps he was planning to fight his own war against crime.  Then I remembered that this was Texas so it was a normal amount of weapons.  I think the reason he is in jail is because it is against the law to impersonate a dog without permission from the Council of dogs.  Remember:  Take a bite out of crime.

Demon Flash Bandit

Wireless Micet

My humom bought a new desk top computer.  Her laptop died, and William talked her into getting a desk top. He hooked it up to the television to create a media center.  Now humom needs to get a wireless keyboard and mouse.  Humom can't get around good so she can't use the wired one that came with the computer. My humans just throw the money away.  I can't believe they would spend money on a wireless mouse when I have seen wireless mice running around outside.  In my continuing mission to help my humans, I went outside to find a mouse. The mice must have been warned because I couldn't smell any in the yard so I  asked some chipmunks, but I couldn't use any torture to get them to sing about the mice. Besides. I got sidetracked listening to them sing They are almost as good as Alvin and the Chipmunks.  By the wsy  Alvin is also a chipmumk.  After the musical interlude, it was time to go back inside. Next time I go out, I am going to ask the beavers.  I don't ask the squirrels becaise they ate forgetful.  They can never remember where they put their scorns.  I wonder how they have survived as a species  Forgetting is not goof for survival.

Demon Flash Bandit

I Miss Dogster

Dogster was a great site for dogs and their humans.   I met many of my followers on that site. It was only for dogs.  We had our own pawmail and we  wrote our diaries and made friends.  I was often  chosen as a diary pick of the day.  This was before Facebook.  I joined the group when I was a wee puppy.  Angel joined it too when humom brought her   home.  When FB was invented, the humans started getting on it and they took  up  their dogs computer time.  Dogster magazine bought the site and didn't want a dogs input. Many humans go on FB, and I am going to share some fB entries.  The names have been changed to protect the boring.

Jill: I slept late today.
David:  I am at work?
Cynthia: I see a bird.
Forward:  shared by Mary: Old  people have lived a long time.  If you don't share this, you will go to FB jail.
Lynn:  I am at the store.  I can't decide whether to buy lage or xl. Eggs.
Lucy:  buy the xlarge.  I got 2 dozen  yesterday.
John: zMy pencil broke
Sally:  I am at the  Walmart. 🍉
Debbie;   love watching the grandchildren. The little darlings just broke a window
July: .  💡
Vera:  I am getting  guzzied up to go to church.
Betty;  Chicken gizzatds are 30c cents a pound at Piggly Wiggly?

• Humans are boring.  

Demon Flash Bandit.

Rock a bye baby in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby. Cradle and all.

Unbelievable!    Humans sing this song to their babies to put them to sleep.  It is a well known lullaby that is used as music in a lot of baby items. Then they wonder why their childten grow into adults who take antianxiety medication and possibly psychiatric therapy as adults.  Have the  humans paid attention to the words? The human mother is putting "her baby:s bed on a branch of a tree so that a gentle breeze  can  rock the baby to sleep. I can understand this because when this rhyme was ,written rocking chairs  and swings had not been invent.  However for a branch to break, the wind had to turn into  a storm, the baby was too big,or both.  I think if her behavior was noticed, Social Services would take the baby.

A mommy dog would never put a puppy in a tree.  A mother dog has more sense than that.  Additionally She would not put a puppy  in a tree  filled with squirrels and birds could be near that precious puppy..  Human moms could learn a lot from  dog moms.  Dogs love their puppies unconditionally.  In fact, the humans can learn many life lessons from dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit

Annoying News

Ordinarily I don't pay attention to singing raisins, bit there are times to pay attention.  Case in point, last night I was relaxing enjoying an evening listening to high brow Alvin and the Chipmunks music when I heard a new song.  The California Raisins sang their latest hit single, "I heard it through the grape vine Dog Dentists make dog's teeth fine".  I didn't say it was a good song.  It did contain important information.  Doggy dentists exist!  Why?  Why?  Humans don't like dentists.  I checked the Internet, and there are 5 in my area.  I am sure some of the humans will think it is wonderful, but they re the brain damaged humans who
like to go to the dentist.   My advice is to have a bad tooth pulled and quit bugging a dog with root canals or crowns.  At least there aren't any doggy orthodontists.  Braces are for humans -not dogs.  I know the humans mean well and want the best for us.  However, as usual, they are misguided and need to ask us how we feel about doggy dentists.  We don't like them.

Demon Flash Bandit

I Think That Every Tree Should Have a Gift Underneath for Me

Why are the trees in my yard so useless?  I water them faithfully every day, and the trees still have no gifts for me.  When the humans bring trees inside, there are always a lot of gifts for Angel and me.  Every day when I water the ones outside, I look for gifts.  So far, there have been no gifts under any of those trees despite them being taller with much more room for gifts.   They  also look plain in comparison to the inside tree. .  I suppose outdoor trees don't feel the need to dress up.

In addition,  I have checked my trees  to see if they have elves, and I haven't found any  Keebler elves baking cookies.  Therefore, I have concluded that  a tree that has gifts or cookies might be  planted with magical seeds.  I need to consult with my neighbour, Jack.  He knows about  magical seeds.   seeds.  He started his collection by growing a beanstalk.  I will keep you informed on how my search goes .

Demon Flash Bandit

Letter to Whirlpool

A couple off days ago. I mentioned that I planned to write a letter to the humans  at Whirlpool.  I think it is only fitting that I share it with my readers.   Here it is:

Dear WhirlPool People:

I know most of your customers are humans, but many of them are dog owners.  Believe me   the humans buy brands based on their dog's opinion.  My humom bought a new Whirlpool refrigerator.  She asked my opinion on which brand to buy.  I told her I did not have an  opinipn.  As a dog, all refrigerators are the same.

If you want to make dogs recommend your brand, you need to make the appliance dog friendly.  The doors should be designed so a paw can open it.  You would be
 the first company to make a dog friendly refrigerator

Thank you,

Demo

Garage Sales

The nice thing about summer is that the humans have garage sales.  Dogs, don't start choosing the garage you want  yet. The garage is not for sale.  The humans put the household stuff that they are no longer uing  for sale The humans have no sense at naming things.  That name is false advertising, and they could have legal problems.  I would call it a Surprise Sale because you never know what you will get.  Anywoof, I went to a sale  yesterday.  Yes, I go to see if there is anything a dog would enjoy.  That includes stuff I like to smell.  The sale had the usual stuff - kitchen stuff, clothes, etc.  I was disappointed at first because it was stuff that only a human would buy.  My readers are probably not aware that I collect things that are museum quality.  I get a lot of my treasures from garage sales.   I continued to dig even though I knew it was probably
useless.  I am glad I didn't give up.  I bought the saw that George Washington used to cut  down the cherry tree.  I also cannot tell a lie - it was only 10 milkbones.  I got Abraham Lincoln's hat.  It was 20 milkbones.  Last but not least,  the arrow that killed General Custer at the Battle of the Littlle Big Horn was only  15 milkbones.    I suspect Custer had a  medical problems because the blood on the arrow smells like paint.  I am so pleased.  I wou

Garbage Day

What is wrong with the humans?  I would suspect that they have brain damage, but then I remember that they don't have a brain that is equivalent with the genius brain of the dog population.  If you are wondering what activity brought on this blog subject, I will explain.

Tomorrow is garbage day.  It happens every week in the civilized world.  Dogs have been barking their disapproval of this ritual since it began.  The humans take this event very seriously.  They buy garbage bags which any dog can tell you are a waste of money.   The reason I am writing about this again is because my past blogs on the subject have not had any effect on the humans.  I am angry because the humans had chicken breasts -the kind with delicious bones.  Since they consider them garbage,  I knew they would throw them away.  To my surprise, they  they did not throw them away.  I heard their evil plan.  They put tihem in the refrigerator until they could take them to the outside garbage.  They should have been deposited in the kitchen garbage.  I get into it on occasion, and chicken bones would be  that occasion.

Humom has a Whirlpool side by side refrigerator so I wrote the Whirlpool humans.  I suggested they make their refrigerators with handles that are easier for a dog to open. I have seen the inside of ,  it and  is full of food.  It would make life easier for the humans.  We can get our own food so the humans don't have to bother with it.

Demon Flash Bandit

Legal Contract

It has come to my attention that there are many dogs reading this who do not have a legal contract with their humans.   There was a time when a dog and his or her humans did not bother with legal contracts.  Things are more complicated now.  In the olden days, life was simpler.  Dogs were happy chasing a Frisbee, and living with the humans in their house.  In fact. living inside was the ultimate holy grail of dogdom.  Things are more complicated because so many families don't stay together anymore.  Sometimes those breakups can effect a dog's life.  Besides, a contract can be a good thing.  As a public service to all the dogs who read my blog, I am going to share my contract.  All you have to do is substitute your name and that of your humans.

Here is the contract:

  I, Demon Flash Bandit,  being a totally awesome dog who any human would be thrilled to have as a companion, enter a legal agreement with Humom, William and Jeffrey.  The humans agree to put Demon in charge of the household.  They recognize   that dogs are superior to humans.  If the pack ever breaks up, Demon gets to choose with whom to join.  Demon will continue to be in charge of the new pack.  The humans will provide Demon with the food and treats he prefers.  Both parties agree to  this contract with a signature or a pawprint.

Demon Flash Bandit

Walkys

As I was taking a walky, I met another dog who was also taking a walky.  We were
   trying to make friends, but the humans pulled us away from each other.   I am always happy to meet a new friend.  However, the humans require a lot of attention. They need to go on walkys to use up some of their eccess energy.  Otherwise, they get into trouble.  I am not complaining.  I happen to enjoy the walkys too.  I do want to remind the dogs reading this to be careful on walks not to let go of the leash.  The humans cannot be trusted off leash.i am sure there are dogs that wonder if humans are worth the trouble.  I recommend getting a human. They are worth the extra work.

Demon Flash Bandit

Demon Flash Bandit Show

https://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=IUw7_73aNbQ



I am sharing a video I have shared in the past on my blog. This is posted on my brother, Jeff's channel starring Angel and me.  I am the dog with blue eyes.  Angel has brown eyes.

Dogs: The Broadway Musical

At the Neil Simon Theatre, in NYC,  there is a musical show called Cats being performed by humans dressed as cats.   This show has been boring the humans for a long time.  The ticket prices start at $59.00.  Can you believe it?  That is an enormous amount of money to watch a bunch of cats jumping around  and meowing.   I like cats, but they are not interesting to watch.  I do enjoy watching them kill birds and mice, but that is the only thing cats do that is useful.  Mostly they just hang out with their humans when they are in the mood.  From their behavior, I am not sure they  like their humans.  They also tend to be very picky about food.

On the other paw, it would make more sense to have a show about dogs.  Dogs are interesting and we love our humans.  How many cats jump on their humans as a gesture of love when they have been separated for more than 10 minutes.  Does a cat kiss their humans enthusiastically when their humans return?  I would pay  more for a show about dogs.  When do we dogs get our show on Broadway.?   I want to see the musical, Dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit

Bye Bye, Birdies!

Birds are evil.  I have written numerous blogs on the subject.  Evidently my humom has not been reading what she types or she is unable to comprehend what she reads.  She bought a copper bird feeder and birdseed to hang outside the house.  She thought I would enjoy watching the birds from my vantage point on the couch in front of the big window.  I am wondering if humom lost the little mind she has left.  I am going to look for hudad's air pistol, open the window, and shoot bbs at the evil birds.  A dog can take the humans most stupid actions and salvage them jnto somethihg good. Bye bye birdies!

Demon Flash Bandit

Angel is Annoyed

Angel Zoom Smokey was perusing some sales ads from the newspaper.  She went running to show it to humon.  Angel was so excited  because our local Rural King store is going to have a free hot got day.  I don't like hot dogs, but that is all Angel can talk about.  She thinks they will give her at least 20, maybe even 30.    I could tell her that the store is probably only giving hot dogs to the humans but I can'tbe he one to break her heatt.

Demon Flash Bandit

The Cow Jumped Over the Moon

Hey Diddle Diddle,
The Cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such a sight,
and the dish ran away with the spoon.

A simple child's fairy tale or a government cover up?  You might ask, why a government cover up?  It would be an embarrassment for the humans who spent millions of dollars on the space race in the twentieth century.  

I passed by a pasture that had some cows and a couple of horses grazing on the grass.  I like both animals.  I suspect they are part of the dog family.  I spotted my long time friend, Elsie T. (the) Cow, Carrie O'Leary, and June the cow who jumped over the moon.   The tranquil scene reminded me of the nursery rhyme above.

Since  June jumped over the moon many years before the space race, I decided to ask her some questions.  She said that NASA knew about her feat.  It cost her nothing.  NASA humans spent million on the project.  If I was part of NASA, I would feel stupid.

At the time, the humans paid no attention to the cow's accomplishment.  They were to  busy chasing the dish and spoon.  The dog was laughing at the humans.  Silly humans!

Demon Flash Bandit

Interrogating Squirrels

According to what I have heard, the orange guy in the White House proclaimed, water boarding and other torture is okay.   With his new executive order allowing torture, I went outside and I proceeded to interrogate the little squirrel  varmints.  First I sat them on boards and I proceeded to  water board them with the hose.  They claimed that they had no knowledge of  the squirrel on top of the Donald's head.  Of course, I did not believe them so the torture continued.  I showed them an unshelled pecan wrapped in bacon and then  I ate the bacon and the pecan.  I turned off their squirellnet. Merlyn and Pearl Squirrel have a YouTube show which is very popular with the squirrels.   A squirrel spends most of his day going from  tree to tree looking for food, then they settle in and watch Squirrelnet while they eat  dinner.   After dinner, they try to find their stored food.  Squirrels  are a forgetful group.  Anyway, I knew the  loss of their entertainment  would be the worst torture of all.  This was the final item that got them to answer my question.  The squirrel
 On top of "the Donald's head is a fake unstuffed toy plush squirrel.

Now all is right with my world.  It restored my faith in squirrelkind.  I have to admit that my torture was unnecessary.  It turns out the squirrels are upset about Trump using their likeness on his head.  I understand how they feel.  I am glad Trump isn't wearing a fake husky.  The squirrels and I had a great time chatting.  In fact, they have am upcoming lawsuit against Trump For infringing on their intellectual fur.  I nope they win.   We said our goodbyes and tomorrow, I will be chasing them again.  If you are tired of watching human television, try Squirrtelnet.  The Big Acorn Theory and The Wonderful World of Squirrels ate 2 of their highest rated shows.

Demon Flash Bandit
.

All You Need is a Dog's Love

It has come to my attention that there are some humans that do not love dogs.  They do not understand why many humans ate so fond, even seemingly crazy about their dogs.  My brother, William had a birthday today, and both Angel and I received a new toy.  It was a squeaky raccoon with 3 squeakies.  We hit the squeaky jackpot!   I am mentioning my toy because I wanted to share my good fortune with my readers.  However, it illustrates my point about my humans and other dog owners.  There would not be so much money spent on dogs if the humans didn't love us so much.  A pet dog is the animal that gives the most affection to the humans.  

With the exception of dogs who have had humans mistreat them or homeless dogs  that have to survive without a loving human, most dogs give the humans unconditional love.  We don't care if our humans are rich or poor.  Our only judgement toward our humans is that they are the most fantastic humans on the planet.  Most humans respond to us the same way.  They aren't afraid to hug us and humans do not tend to show that kind of love to other humans.  Humans can be a bit judgmental at times though.  Just pee on the carpet and they judge you.  Am I not right, dogs?  However, they do forgive us.  In my opinion, that is why so many humans love dogs.  We love them, and they are able to love us back.  I don't think the humans will ever learn to love each other and that is a shame.

Demon Flash Bandit

Feel free to share as long as I am credited as the writer.

Royal Corgis Should be called Sir

It has come to my my attention that the Queen Lady (Queen Elizabeth II) is soon to be without Corgis.  I was appalled to learn that she used to have 8 Corgis and now she only has 2.  This blog's original subject was supposed to be why she hasm't knighted the dogs because I think it is only proper that the Queen's dogs should be addressed as Sir.  As I was researching the subject of knighting dogs, I discovered that the Queen will not allow any puppies when the older dogs go to the palace in the sky.  Naturally, she doesn't want to outlive her dogs.  I am sure someone would take care of any dogs left behind.  I think puppies help the humans live longer.

The Queen Lady  could have someone bring in the puppies only when she is sitting.  Puppies can be tripped over as the humans age, and it is understandable that she should be concerned about falling. However,  she  is still riding horses.  I like horses, but they can be dangerous.   Even Superman was hurt on a horse.  I think it was a green horse so he should have been more suspicious.  By the way,  Christopher Reeves will always be my Superman - may he RIP.

I am an older dog myself so I sympathize with the Queen Lady.  It would be nice to be a puppy longer, but that is not how the world operates. The Queen Lady has been granted a long life.  Perhaps it is time to retire and turn things over to Prince Charles. Then she could spend more time with her corgis.  Time spent with a dog is time well spent.

I am sharing an article I found in my research:

• http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3162611/The-Queen-s-final-Corgis-news-Majesty-ended-breeding-program-pets-Holly-Willow-lifetime-iconic-companions-Elizabeth.html

Demon Flash Bandit

Today's Color: Orange

Since "The Donald" has taken office, and I mean that he literally took the office, I have been wondering where the rest of the orange people reside.  I decided they must live in Florida because Florida has oranges.  Then I read that he keeps going to Marigold, Florida so, as usual, I have discovered the truth.     I assume that the orange people are an odd mixture of oranges,  and pumpkins that came to life..  YouTube had a channel that featured a  talking orange that annoyed its viewers.  No, I am not talking about The Apprentice.  Personally, I would prefer to watch the talking orange.  In fact, there is one episode of the annoying orange that features Donald Trunk and the orange during election time which I will share with my viewers.


https://www.youtube.com/?reload=2&rdm=2kiry93mk#/watch?v=e-yvVVye0ds

I also have a theory that Trump is an orange alien from another planet.  I am sure that not all aliens ate green.

Demon Flash Bandit

Movie Review: Manchester by the Sea

Today I am writing a movie review of Manchester by the Sea.  This is a movie from Amazon Studios, and it won 2 Oscars.  They were for best screenplay and best actor (Casey Afflect).  I will venture to guess that he is related to Ben.  I would have been shocked that it got 2 Oscars if I had any respect for the awards.  These ate the !The morons who did not give Johnny Depp the Oscar for best actor as Capt. Jack Sparrow.

If there was an Oscar for most depressing movie ever made, this would win paws down.  The movie begins with a man who has a delightful job as a superintendent of a couple of apartment buildings in Boston. Humom said it is not a fun job, but Angel and I concurred that his job would be fun..  He got to work on toilets and take out trash.  That would be a dog's dream job!  Do you know they pay people to do that job when a dog would do it without charge?

His brother dies and he had to go back to his hometown.  Once there, he learns that his brother wants him to be his son's guardian.  This is a difficult position for hi! Because he lost his 3 childten in a house fire, and he never got over it.  In fact, that was the reason he had the job on Boston.  The town had too many sad memories for him.   I won't spoil the ending, but the movie is about his dealing with his psychological demons.he
I give it 3 paws up which means that it isn't as entertaining as a stick, but less entertaining than watching a cat throw up a hairball.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Movie Critic)

Every Dog Has His Day

Today I have a tip for my readers:  when ordering  a pizza, adding more meat and extra cheese makes a much tastier pizza.  If Dominos needs a spokesdog, I will work for pizza.  I am also a very cute mascot.

As you may have guessed, I am having a good day around the homestead.  Okay, maybe I live in a small town and we have no farm animals.  I think they would be fun to play with.  I live in a house that is next to a 5 lane highway so I do find it interesting to watch the cars from the big window in the living room.

As usual, I was thinking about philosophical things.  I was contemplating the amount of time between Easter and Halloween - 2 holidays that involve gift giving for dogs around here.  I have decided that it is entirely too long  to wait.  Therefore,  I am declaring  July 15 as Dog Appreciation Day. It is about half way between the aforementioned holidays.  The humans have a Mothers Day and a Fathers Day.  It is about time we dogs have a day.  In fact, the humans know we should have a day.  I am sure everyone has heard the expression, every dog has his day.  I have now specified the day - July 15.

Demon Flash Bandit

Angel Zoom Smokey is in Trouble

Angel Zoom Smokey is in trouble with the humans today.  She went into Jeff's  bedroom and chewed up his PlayStation 4 controller.  Jeff found it when he came home from work. He was not happy.  She has her nose out of joint because of Jeff's girlfriend.  She adores Jeff.  He was the one who held her on the way home from Ohio.  I like Jeff myself, but William is the human who feeds us the most.  He shared his grilled chicken today.  I am a more practical dog.  I like the humans who feed me good stuff.  I love humom too.  She is the one who held me on the way ho!me from the breeder.  She is the human who pays for our  food so she is, in my opinion,  the best human in the world.  I smell a sugar and cinnamon pop tart. and it is in Williams paws.  I have to go and get my share. i love pop tarts.

Demo. Flash Handing

New Arrival

This dog is the latest new addition to our   family.  Humom said he is a Siberian Husky puppy, but I am an adult husky, and he is st least twice my height.  Perhaps he is the husky version of Clifford, the big red dog of children"s literary fame.  So far, he has not caused any trouble.  He just sits in the rocking chair in the living room.


The last time the humans got a new dog was when they got Angel Zoom Smokey. I got in the car and we headed for Wellsville, Ohio.  I love to ride in the car and go places so it was a wonderful adventure for me. I assumed we were going on  a vacation.  I always accompanied them on family vacations because I am family.  😎.   It was not a vacation. But it was a trip to pick up  Angel Zoom Smokey.   We got to a house where  Angel lived.  I entered the house, and Humom had driven there to buy Angel.  Angel immediately started  yapping at me and she hasn't stopped yet.  She is a typical bitch-always yapping about something.  I was not consulted on Angel:s arrival.  It was a shock to me when they put  her in our minivan.  I was perfectly happy being an only dog.  I don',t mind her now. But she is a diva.  One time last year she refused to go outside because it had snowed, and she didn't like getting her paws wet and cold.  I almost turned her into the Siberian Husky Association.  What self respecting husky gets upset over a wet, cold paw.

So far, the new giant husky hasn't bothered me so he can stay.  It would be nice if the humans had asked for my opinion.  I am more intelligent than the humans. Thus my opinion should be valued. Anyway, the new dog is okay so far.  Humom has not named him yet.  Maybe that is a good sign.

Demon Flash Bandit

Gingerbread

My rules for eating gingerbread cookies:

Gingerbread is a tasty treat, but it can be difficult to enjoy.  That is because many gingerbread cookies are "gingerbread men".  Gingerbread men tend to rum away before you can eat them.  I guess I can't blame them.  I would probably run too.  Being baked in an oven can't be fun. Being on a menu is not something to which anyone would want either.   This is why I am writing this blog.  I like to share my insights with my fellow dogs and any human! s who might be reading this. There is a story most people kmow. It is  the story of a little old lady who made the first gingerbrlad man.  He  is a smartalect who runs away from the little old lady and the little old man., and other farm animals that want to eat him.    Finally he gets eaten by a clever fox.

Back to my  gingerbread situation.  Humom bought some gingerbread cookies and put them into a cabinet where a dog can smell them.  I opened the cabinet to help myself to one.  This is when I discovered that they were gingerbread girls.  Most of my regular readers know that I live with Angel Zoom Smokey, and she is a bitch.  Therefore   I was one with the clever fox.  I ate her legs so she could not run.  The moral of this blog is that bitches annoy a he-man dog like me.

I hope my readers have a pleasant day!

Demon Flash Bandit.

Unwelcome Spider

Ad usual, I have been doing my duty as a dog to guard the humans from harm.  Most of the time, things are quiet around here.  Today we hut threat level spider.  There was a spider in my territory acting like he owns the place.   I could have taken care of the interloper, but I alerted my human brother, William.  Normally I don't like the vacuum cleaner,  but the look on that spider's face was hilarious!  I doubt that he saw the humor in his situation, but I thought it was very funny.  I took him out of the vacuum and put him out on the porch to send a message to other spiders that they are not welcome.

Many of you are probably wondering about the size of the spider.  Hr was about 20 feet long with giant legs and an ugly face that makes a dog want to smack him.  Of course, if you smack him, you would have to touch him with your paw.  I don't want spider germs on my paw.    I know some of you might ask how a spider that big with a vacuum cleaner, but it is a special magical vacuum.  It can stretch to hold spiders.  I hope my readers will invest in a magical vacuum.  They come in handy.

Demon Flash Bandit

Strike!

Hold the presses!  I have always wanted to say that, and now I have the opportunity.   It is possible that there will be a writer's strike.  This would affect my summer television viewing.  Some of the humans might say that a dog needs fresh air and should not be sitting around watching tv.  They are wrong.  During hot weather, a dog should rest inside under the air conditioner.   In fact, one summer day every year should be set aside to honor the man who invented air conditioners.  He is my hero!

Demon Flash Bandit

Big Foot Discovered

I am pleased to announce that Big Foot and his family are alive and well.  In fact, they are doing commercials for a mattress cover. Here is the link:

https://onpurple.com/mattressprotector

Demon Flash Bamdit

McDonalds New Uniforms

In an effort to increase sales and have a more modern looking workforce, McDonalds has turned to the fashion industry to update their uniforms.   Unlike past uniforms, employees would be proud to wear them outside of work.  Do the people running McDonalds have a clue as to what their potential customers are thinking?  The new uniforms are just as lame as any they have had in the past.  Clothing preferences are a matter of opinion. By the way, this dog was not impressed with the look of the new ones.  I will sum it up in one word, DRAB.  It is a shame that a company that should pay its workers higher wages puts money into "designer" uniforms.  McDonalds would have more customers if they put more money into the food, not fashion.   I have yet to hear a dog say I go to McDonalds ( or any other restaurant) because of the dress of the employees.  They go there to EAT.  I think finding more qualified employees  and hiring enough to do the job properly is more important than what the employees wear to work.  Since puppyhood, I have always been an unpaid spokesdog for Burger King.  I love their food.

Demon Flash Bandit

Humom is Home

Hallelujah!!!  The humom is home from the hospital.  Angel and I were concerned about her care.  I checked the hospital registry, and there was not one dog on staff.  Yes readers, my mom was being cared for by humans!!!   However, I must give credit when credit is due; and the humans did a good job.   Humom is feeling better.

Sir E. Bunny left humom a white chocolate bunny, and treats for us.  I knew the bunny would come through as always.  I hope my readers treated the bunny cordially.  He is a great guy!

I have to take care of mom now. Hopefully, mom will be able to type my next entry.

Demon Flash Bandit

Happy Easter!

Angel and I are very upset over  the care our humom is receiving at the human hospital.   It is not st the small local hospital.  The ambulance took her to the big hospital.  As of this moment, the drs.  have not reached out to me as a consultant.    I am humom's main  Dr.  So I should be consulted before they even say herro  thumom!  Head nurse Angel Zoom Fuzzybutt is also insulted.  My brothers said mom is okay so I hope they are correct.


I do hope everyone had a nice Easter.

Demon Flash Bandit

Humom is in Hospital.

Keep sending those prayers!  Humom is in the hospital.  She has the flu and possibly pneumonia. Yes, she had both flu
and pneumonia shots.  With luck like hers, I think my readers will understand why she doesn't buy many lottery tickets.
I will keep you up to date on yhe treat situation. My brothers better give them out generously.

Demon Flash Bandit

Gone Fishing

Before I write my blog, I want to thank my readers for the prayers for humom.  She sends her thanks also.  She is feeling better.  She is getting antibiotics when she gets dialysis now.

I had a delightful day.  I took Angel Zoom Smokey's paw and we went fishing.  It was a first time for Angel, but I went once before so I am a seasoned veteran.  We got our fishing poles, and headed for the water.  The weather was perfect.  We entered the automatic doors, and headed straight toward the seafood section we cast our fishing poles into the water.  Each of us caught 2 lobsters so we will  be.living high off the fish tonight.  I must add that God, in his infinite wisdom was wise to put rubber bands around their claws.  A dog could get hutt if the claws are free.

Demon Flash Banditq

Grayhound Subsidies Should be for Grayhounds.

Do the humans ever make sense?  The state of West Virginia gives a $15,000,000. subsidy to the humans who race Grayhound dogs.  The subsidy is given because the races are not a viable business.  Basically, the state is.paying money to keep dog racing going because it makes no profit.  The dogs are being forced to run after a rabbit instead of being able to relax and be a dog!   I think West Virginia should follow most of the other States and make dog racing illegal.   If the state wants to give away $15,000,000, why not buy $15,000,000 worth of milkbones.

Demon Flash Bandit

My Blog

My humom has been sick for a couple of days; and because I am such a delightful employer, I have not told her that my speeches aren't going to type themselves.   I am asking my readers to pray for humom.  I love her so much, and she love me!  Thanks in advance for the prayers

Demon Flash Bandit

Goodbye Sweet Mishka

I prefer to write about pleasant subjects so my readers can enjoy a few minutes of peace.  This world is not always a pleasant place.  Howevetr, it is with great sadness that I must write that Mishka, the celebrity talking Siberian huskey has crossed over the rainbow bridge.  She had her own YouTube channel, and she was on Google's ads for a long time.  She did talk shows and was well known on the Internet.  My family and I am very sad.  Humom has been following her for years.  I will close this by saying, goodbye sweet Mishka, test in peace.  I will also share one of her videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXo3NFqkF

Demon Flash Bandit

Dog Jack is a movie I watched that would have received an academy award if dogs were on the academy.  This story is inspired by teal life events.   A  young man flees from slavery, and takes his dog with him   He and his dog signed up to be in s Pennsylvania regiment during the Civil War .Jack (the dog's name, Spoiler Alert;  the U.S. army (northern  side).   The dog is so special that the Pennsylvania regiment was willing to trade a Confederate soldier for Jack.  If you ask my opinion, and everyone does, those humans were smart humans.  Dogs are always superior to the humans, but they don' like to admit it.

Demon

Typical Day Off

Many of my readers have expressed interest in knowing about   my activities and those of  Angel Zoom Smokey' also..  I will describe what happened today.  I had to get up early today because humom had to go in for dialysis.  Therefore, I was up at the ungodly time of 8:30 AM.  It is ungodly because God does not get up until 9:30 AM at the earliest.  Think about it:  if you were the big boss, would you get up early?

I got to lick the breakfast plates.  The melted butter is delicious.  Angel was still asleep so I got to lick both plates.  When you snooze, you lose.

When humom left for dialysis,  it was time for me to nap.  After humom got home, I had to walk my brother.  Then Angel had to walk my brother too.  If it weren't for Angel and me my brothers would not get any exercise.  I watched TV for  awhile until it was time for bed.  This is a typical day off.  Most days I am busy doing important things, but a dog needs an occasional day to relax and lick the melted butter.

Demon Flash Bandit

New Flavor of Ding Dongs

On my continuing mission to keep my fellow dogs informed of the important events that shape a dog's life, this is huge.  Yesterday my brother brought humom a new product called white fudge ding dongs.  Humom took a   bite and was transported into ding dong paradise.  By the way,  humom  noticed that the cakes are smaller than they were before Hostess sold their company a few years ago.   Humom did not approve of the sale, but she really loves ding dongs.  They looked so  delicious so,  naturally, I had to beg for some.  She gave me a couple of bites, and they tasted as delicious as they look.   I am going to add a box for me onto humom's grocery list.  She will think she put it on the list herself. Humans are easy to trick!

Demon Flash Bandit (Food Taster).

Chia Trump

For those of you out there who, like myself have wondered what President Trump would look like without the dead squirrel on his head, you need wonder no more.  Now you can own a bust of Donald Trump from the company  that brought you  chia pets.  In fact, there are several other famous busts if you  want to start a chia pet collection.  If you voted for Trump, having this bust will be the holy grail of chia collectors.  Can you imagine attending a  Chio Fan convention in the future and have to see that you don't have the most valuable chia ever made- Trump?    The chia manufacturers won't guarantee that it will go up in value, but none of the other chias have done so.  Meanwhile, you can sit at your dinner table across from Trump, and you can discuss matters of great importance like the proper way to put ketchup on a steak.  Here is a link to  chia sites.

https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=chia+pet+trump&id=55B15979415A9C1D58571D549022DC11D2840528&FORM=IQFRBA

Demon Flash Bandit

Demon Discusses Fairy Tales

As a dog who takes educating the humans very seriously. I have decided to discuss early human puppy education and development.  Watch for my textbook which will be on sale at university bookstores everywhere.   The subject I plan to discuss today is the bedtime stories to which the human puppies are exposed.  Mother Goose has been compiling these stories for years.  Perhaps those stories are good for baby geese, but I can assure you that only geese have goose moms.  My mother was a black and white husky with blue eyes like me.  In fact, my dad was also a handsome black  and white husky with blue eyes.   My mother was not a goose!  I have never met a human puppy whose mother happened to be a goose.  Yet every night many youngsters hear these stories with little research done on the impact the stories have on their little lives.  I will give an example and follow with my own personal view.

Humpty Dumpty sat Jon a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Really?  When Humpty broke, the dogs yapped for breakfast because Humpty was an egg.   Scrambled eggs for everyone!


Little Moiss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey
Along came s spider who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.

This one is complicated.  Was she lterally a little girl being punished with a time out in the corner where she was forced to eat something disgusting?  Instead of admitting her disobedience was to blame a non existent spider as the reason she left the corner and refused to eat the slop she was given?  Of course that  is what  people were supposed to believe.
It was really a coded message involving troop movement that is classified.  Since it has remained  classified for centuries.  I refuse to be the one who leaks the secret.

By the way, what is a tuffet?

Demon Flash Bandit

Pyramid Discovered

According to the news, a new pyramid has been found in Egypt.    I do not see how that is possible.  The pyramids wete built a long time ago so it isn't new.  I am not suggesting that it is impossible to build a new one, but I think people would know about it.  A project that size is hard to hide.  Coincidentily, I came across a show on YouTube  featuring a man stacking bricks.  Perhaps hr was building a pyramid, but considering  that he had only stacked about 12 bricks, I guess that show will be on for a long time if he builds a pyramid.

A pyramid is supposed to be filled with treasure.  I am sure it is full of milkbones, rawhide bones, and squeaky toys.  The Egyptians used to  put everything that would be needed in the afterlife.  Sometimes the treasures are stolen by grave robbers.  Some of yhr pyramids were filled with useless gold and gems.  I have no idea why they would bother with silly stuff.

Demon Flash Bandit

Caterpillars

The latest news from the business world:  Caterpillar Inc. Is closing it's Aurora, Illinois plant. This action will  leave 800 people without jobs. I'll admit I was surprised to learn that caterpillars are manufactured by the humans.  I thought they were natural worm type creatures.  I also did not think that humans were capable of making something as beautiful as a butterfly.   Never let it be said that this dog doesn't admit when the humans can do something amazing.  My heart goes out to the humans who will be put out of work.  I hope they find equivalent or better jobs.  Wasn't the squirrel hair guy supposed to stop that sort of thing.  I asked humom, and she said most human politicians don't keep promises.  This is why dogs should be running things.  For further information about caterpillars go to this link:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caterpillar



Demon Flash Bandit

Pied Piper According to Demon Flash Bandit

Once upon a time, in ancient Germany, there was a town in which humans and rats shared living quarters.    This went on for many years.  However, the relationship became strained because the humans decided that the rats were dirty and disgusting.  Truth be told, the rats felt the same way about the humans, but the rats were too polite to complain.  The humans hired the Pied Piper Pest Removal Company.  You may have seen their logo on one of their trucks.  The company is owned and operated by a family of birds.  Their motto is "we will sing your pests away.  The humans hired them to get rid of the rats.  As you may have guessed, the birds songs were worthless.  Finally, they called in a dog consultant.  He sent in some cats, and the rat problem was solved.  The morals to this fairy tale are:
1.  Never hire a bird.
2.  If you want something done properly, hire a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit

Dinner Etiquette

This blog will answer any questions you may have about dinner etiquette..  The most important thing to remember is that the food tastes good..  The dish itself should be clean and pleasant.  It can be a dish made for dogs,  Noritake china, Corelle, or my personal favorite- the Dixie disposable plates with the purple flowers. I cannot stress the importance of presentation to a dog.  If your humans can afford it, hiring a chef and server specifically for the family dog or dogs is recommended.

Dogs do not require eating utensils, but if you ate setting the table for the humans, you must put the fork on the left side of the plate with a napkin next to the fork.  The other side has a knife with blade facing the plate and then a spoon.  Those 3 tools will cover all eating situations.  However, there are other utensils that are useful at the table, but they go in a little container on the side with the dominant paw.  The container is one way that creativity can run wild.  Since they aren't needed for eating, they are for protecting your food from other humans.  This is particularly true if you are eating around dieters. Humans cannot growl as effectively as dogs.  This is why they need weapons.  Now that I have imparted dinner etiquette, feel free to throw a dinner party worthy of royalty.

Demon Flash Bandit

Food is Fashionable

Today I stand In solidarity with Angel Zoom Smokey.  Our human brother, William, told Angel he wanted to clean her nose.  He said she had stuff on it, and she looked awful.  How ridiculous!  She was adorable.  That "stuff" on her face was food.  She looks a lot like me so she can never look awful.  If you ask my opinion (and who wouldn't?), the humans would look better if they quit using over priced cosmetics, and  put some food on their faces. I find bitches (female Dogs) look better covered in pudding.  Angel Zoom Smokey is gorgeous with or without food!

Demon Flash Bandit

Snow Dogs

There is a wonderful blog that I enjoy about Siberian huskies here in Michigan.  I am sharing the link:

http://www.gonetothesnowdogs.com

The videos are pawsome.  The 3 dogs ate Shelby, Oakley , and Memphis.  I know you'll enjoy it.

Demon Flash Bandit

Survival Lessons

It is always good to teach children and young adults survival skills.  Cooking and baking are among the most elemental of survival skills.  I will admit that it is much easier to survive without the knowledge nowadays.  The modern world does make life easier.  Cavemen had to both hunt  and cook their dinners.  They could not go to the supermarket and buy food to be Onheated  at home.  I suspect that is why cavemen were always grunting instead of talking or perhaps they had not invented language yet.

Between ready to microwave food, delis, and restaurants, a lack of cooking ability will not necessary  hamper one's survival.  However, one of the reasons for making things oneself is the opportunity for creativity and the added benefit of saving money.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that there are easy bake ovens for human puppies.   Although I applaud the idea of teaching young puppies self reliance, it seems counter productive,  considering that the baking mixes cost more than ready made cookies  cost, it seems that human puppies would get the idea that working for something will cost you more.  Even humans must understand that you are supposed to spend less money when you do the work.  Girl Scouts have been selling over priced cookies for years.  Now they ate selling  mixes for cookies. I can only assume that the mixes are preparing human puppies to buy for the Pentagon.  Those humans think nothing about spending $500.00 on a toilet seat.  If you have nothing better to do, Amazon has 5 Girl Scout cookie mixes on sale TODAY for $17.97.  Normally they sell for twice that price.  By the way, I am collecting cookies.  Send any you don't want to Demon Flash Bandit,  Howell MI, 48843.  It is a tough item to collect because they keep disappearing.  None the less, I continue to collect them.  It is truly a labor of love!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cookie Collector)

New Territory

The state of Florida is being overrun by pythons.  There are humans that get a Python as a pet.  Obviously anyone who thinks a snake makes a good pet needs a therapist.  When they tire of the snake, they let him go.  Now there are a lot of snakes, and they are annoying the gators there.  The gators have complained that the pythons are not paying rent to them.  Gators are so angry that they are getting a  bit cold blooded about the situation.  To show they mean business, some of the pythons have been eaten by gators.  Then the gators got really angry when pythons starting rating Gators.  Florida is a reptile eat reptile world.  I wonder if Gatorland in Orlando  will have to add pythons and call it Gatorthonland.

I wonder:  since the reports of baby alligators flushed down toilets in NYC must be true since I have heard that many times.  The source of the information is a reliable source (a wolf).  You have to consider the  sources of information.  If a squirrel tells you something, don't believe it.  Squirrels are jerks.    My advice to New Yorkers is to watch for alligators and pythons.  It is better to be safe than sorry.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning  my Readers)

Farming

Officially spring is here, but so far we have continued to have lovely cold weather.  Still, a dog starts thinking of starting a garden.  Whether planting vegetables, flowers, meat, pasta, candy, etc, the principle activity is the same.  For the city dogs reading this, Farmer Demon will give you instructions that will make your garden the envy of every rabbit in your area.

The first step in gardening is to dig a hole.  Humans need tools for that, but we dogs have front paws that are perfect for digging holes.  Once the hole is dug, you plant whatever you want to grow.  I always plant some bacon bits because I love Bacon.  Believe me, there is nothing better than bacon fresh from the garden.  After the planting is done, some sunshine and water will have your crops almost as tall as a giraffe's neck.  When the crops get that tall, it is time to harvest your crop and enjoy tasting it.  For more gardening tips, buy my new book, Demon Flash Bandit's Almanac.  It is a great book.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Farmer)

Dogs Love Bones

My brother, William, thought up a clever joke which I will share.

 Question:What do you call a junk yard owned by a dog?

Answer: A  boneyard.

Personally, I don't think many dogs would be interested in owning old junk cars.  You cannot drive them, and dogs love to drive.  The humans know we would be better  drivers than them so they won't let us drive legally.  The charge, if the dog is caught driving is impersonating a human which is ridiculous.   Why would we want to impersonate a lower life form?

On the other paw, if the bonbeyatd was, literally.  an area filled with bones, a dog would love that.  It would be even better if the bones had some meat on them.  I can hear the dog saying  Waitress, I  will have some barbeque sauce on my ribs.  Delicious!!!  I need to go get sleep sand dreams about ribs, Bacon, steak.......zzzzzzzzzng,

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Bones)

Dog Approved TShirt

Isn't this an adorable T-shirt?  All my humans wore this shirt on St. Patrick's Day.  It was advertised on Facebook, and humom had to buy one for everyone.  The bottom says, can you handle your licker?  Angel and I laughed and laughed.  She said she had to buy them because they are so cute.  I havshare the photo so you can see humom has good fashion sense.  The shirt  is  (dog approved.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Dog)

Spy Dog

I was busy yesterday being a spy which is why I didn't write my blog.  Coincidentally, my secremommy was wiped out after dialysis so she fell asleep right after dinner.  I can't share my adventures because they are classfied.  I was not working directly for the orange human with the tiny hands, but I was working for his country.  There are some moles bothering the White House lawn.  They called and begged me to help.  This happens to me frequently.  It is a normal part of being a world renowned mole catcher.  I have so many mole finding awards.  I would say I don't like to brag, but I know my readers know better.  I hear the moles are being sent to QiamtonaMOLE. EBay.
I assume they sell them from there.  As usual, I got a thank you from the orange  man.  I think he is a clown named Bozo.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Spy Dog)

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!  The humans are wearing their new green McHusky Pub  t-shirts.  They look so cute in their dog featured clothing.  I am wearing a green hat.  It was either that or "the eating of the green" and this dog does not eat vegetables.
I did eat a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal.  I don't know a lot about leprechauns, but they make good cereal.  I wonder if they exchange recipes with the cookie baking elves from Keebler.
  I have checked every tree in my yard and I have not found  any elves baking cookies, but they are welcome to move here.  It is time for my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit

Vincent Van Gogh

It is time to introduce human culture to my readers.  It is far inferior to dog culture, but humans are not advanced enough to understand dog culture.  I have chosen to write about Vincent Van Gogh.  Vincent came from a long line of taxi drivers, but he decided to follow his heart and became an artist.  It caused a lot of friction in his family, but he was determined to follow his own path.    He was an impressionist.  Impressionists did impressions of famous people while they painted.  He painted sunflowers and straw hats.  He painted starry nights, but it was no match for Sammy Spaniel's bones on a tray.  He is best known because of a accident.  He was ahead of his time on body piercing.  He overdid it and had no ear left.  There are books about him, but thanks to me, you don't need to waste valuable time reading them.  You are welcome!

Demon Flash Bandit (Art Expert)

Dog Doctor Visit

I have been violated!  I went to the dog doctor today, and I was tortured.  She thought I was fabric because she was sticking needles in me.  She stole my blood.  I told her I need that blood.  My theory is that she is planning to clone a superdog.  From my blood.  I can:t blame her.  I am an awesome dog.  She a!so clipped my nails.  Thank dog the humans did not authorize painting them.  The doctor said I look good.  Yeah, humom paid her for that.   My humans know I look good.  They could have bought me a lot of cool stuff.  I think they should have paid me to make an appearance.  By the way, 4 humans accompanied me to the df.,  I like to travel with an entourage.  If is an expected part of being a celebrity dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Patient)

Ancient History

In my continuing mission to educate the humans, today I am giving a history lesson.  The subject will be ancient history which is about 1200 years ago (in people years).    Back then, dogs lived a spartan lifestyle without many of today's modern luxuries.  Cars had not been invented so, if a dog needed to be somewhere, they had to walk on their own paws or ride the bus.   Dogs were, quite literally, cave dogs.  The caves were furnished nicely, and the dogs had wonderful taste in decorating.  Doggy taxidermists were masters at making dead birds and squirrels look alive.  Cave dogs lived in a very advanced civilization for the era.

Meanwhile, the human cavemen were living out in the open with no protection from the elements.   They were living like birds and squirrels.  One dog thought the humans were kind of cute. and might make a good pet.  Of course, the other dogs teased him about letting s human into his cave.  A lot of dogs thought humans were dirty, and called them germ machines and tail pullers.  Once one was adopted, other dogs saw that they were cute when cleaned.  Of course, you tell them to stay off the furniture, and they get on it anyway. The humans were so happy living with us dogs that they think dogs are their pets.  We love our pets so we humor them.  They are in an inferior position in comparison to us.  We don't pick up their poop.

Demon Flash Bandit (Historian)

Living Like a Cavedog !

The reason I have not written in several days is because there was a windstorm that left our house without electricity and the internet  for several days.  We were living like cave dogs.  We didn't have necessities like television.  We had no heat so the house was very comfortable for Angel and me.  The humans were complaining, but ask any penguin or polar bear, and they would agree with Angel and me.  The temperature was perfect.

Angel Zoom Smokey celebrated her tenth birthday last week.  We both got the coolest squeaky plush poop toy!  What dog can imagine humans making a cool toy like that?  We also got a tray of gourmet dog biscuits.  I am so glad my humans make sure we get gifts for everyone's special days.  We even get gifts on humom's birthday.  My humans are wise.

Demon Flash Bandit (Being a Cavedog)

Squirrels are Jerks

According to the Washington Post, red Squirrels which are native to Great britain will become extinct unless humans get involved.  Many years ago, gray squirrels from the United States were   introduced to Britain.   The gray squirrels thrived.  My theory is that gray squirrels are  rude jerks.  I saw  a German Shepherd chase a squirrel up a pear tree.  The dog couldn't climb the tree so the squirrel sat up on the tree and threw pears at the dog.  As I said, they are jerks!

Demon Flash Bandit

Faceless Humans

Are you aware that the majority of female humans are born without faces?  Obviously, the women don't want to talk about this embarrassing birth defect.  However, despite the social stigma, many of the braver ones admit that they have to "put on their face".   This explains why the cosmetic companies make  hundreds of dollars every yezr on their products.  Evidently, this is not a problem with female (or male) dogs.  All dogs are born with faces.  I am glad my humom has a face because she can buy us bones with the tens of dollars she would have to spend on a face.  No matter how much money the humans spend, they still don't look as good as a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Face)

Every Bird Bettet Run, the Dog has a Gun

This morning the stupid bird brained sapsucker was trying to eat the house.  This house belongs to ME!  I barked at him, and told him to leave. This house is a no bird fly zone.    I was ready to get a gun and go after the varmint.  He must have taken my warnings seriously. He flew away.  For those of you who don't think a dog can carry a gun, I have a video to share.  Here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=_FYEyUPOi3w


Demon Flash Bandit

Bowling for Birds

I have studied the sport the humans call bowling,  and I think it could be easily adapted for dogs.  The game has been played for centuries.  Archaeologists have unearthed bowling alleys in ancient Egypt. Every pyramid has a bowling alley so the Pharaoh  could play his favorite game in the afterlife.  Several of them were champion bowlers, and their gold trophies are now museum pieces.  The bowling clothes were found in perfect condition.  One of the leagues was called "Nile Sandstorms.  That name sounds intimidating to me.   Although the history is fascinating, tnis blog is about modern bowling so I will get back to the subject of modern bowling.

The game is simple.  The humans play it at a bowling alley which is derived from the old days when it was played in alleys.  The bowling alley is a large building with a lot of bowling lanes.  The humans pick up a heavy ball with a hole for one finger, and throw it at a group of pins. There are chairs for the ones awaiting their turn and a concession stand where you can buy concessions.  The humans playing are usually eating so I assume they sell food somewhere on the premises.  If all the pins are knocked over on the first try, it is called a strike.  When a strike is not achieved, there is one more try.  There is a maximum of 2 tries each time you bowl.

To adapt this game for dogs would involve a ball which can fit into a dog's mouth.  (I'll let engineers work on that.). The best part is that, instead of pins, dogs want something they would enjoy hitting and knocking over.  Birds come to mind, but some dogs would prefer squirrels, cats, chipmunks or whatever.  Fake ones are okay, but there is nothing wrong with using real ones.  It would give a whole new meaning to "killing 2 birds with 1 stone.)

Demon Flash Bandit

Psycho Chickrn

My brother, William found a video called Psycho Chicken.  I watched it too, and it is so amazing.   I had no idea that television could be so educational.  If not for TV, I would have no idea that chickens could be psychotic.  This is an important fact for a dog to  know.   From the lyrics of the song, I assume that Colonel Sanders can't tell the difference between psycho and non psycho chickens.  I suspect the song was written by a chicken so that the humans will be afraid to eat chicken. Angel  said chicken and Beneful when it ended.   The humans were so surprised to hear her say it that we both got a Beneful prepared chicken meal which was delicious. I told her when she was a puppy that the humans love it when a dog speaks human.  It is nice to know that she paid attention to at least some of my wisdom.  Here is the Psycho Chicken video:

https://www.youtube.com/?reload=2&rdm=2glzk44oe#/watch?v=UnBlst3T7bY




Demon Flash Bandit

Unappreciated Parking Meters

Life on Earth is filled with many misunderstood inhabitants.  Probably at the top of the list is the lowly parking meter.  Unless one of them  lands a job at the occasional indoor parking lot, most have to brave the elements in all kinds of weather.  It has a rough and lonely life.  As if they don't have enough problems, humans resent having to give them money.   Although they are unappreciated by humans, we dogs try to make them feel better.  I, for one, never pass by one without smelling it, and I give it the same respect as I would give a tree or fire hydrant.  I pee on it.

Demon Flash Bandit

Mail Lady

Our mail is usually left in a rural type mailbox so I  don't usually see the postal delivery lady.  I am sure I don't need to inform my readers that it is a dog's business to know that individual  These people invade a dog's territory.  They bring good things, but sometimes they bring bad things like bills.  I am grateful that the mail lady is human.  I was worried  she might be a cat.  No dog wants his mail delivered by a cat.

Demon Flash Bandit

Proof of Big foot

For those of you who are wondering what I did today, I napped and I watched TV.  TV was boring.  I have to admit I napped more than I watched TV.  That is because the humans chose the programming, and it was not at all interesting. The program on Big Foot was obviously the work of humans.  They were hunting  for the big furry guy and found no proof of his or her existence.  I got on the Internet and solved the problem in 10 minutes.  A man in Venezuela who wears size 26 shoes has the world's biggest feet..  It takes a dog to solve problems for the humans.  Then they watched a show about Chinese history, but some people in China eat dogs so I took a nap in protest of that practice.   Finally they switched to Paw Patrol and teruns of Sledgehammer.  I like Sledgehammer.  A cop who talks to his gun is interesting.  He needs a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit

No returns on Babies or Pete

There are a lot of warnings on products that make a dog think a lot of humans aren't playing with a full deck.  However,  I was shocked at the return policy on jet.com.  My humom has ordered from them in the past  with no problem.  The last order has one damaged item so she looked up their return policy.  She read it out loud to my brothers and me. It surprised her that much.   It States:  Please be sure and remove babies and pets from boxes before sending it back.  We cannot stress this enough.  The company also is not responsible for packages arriving late in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  I am barkless. I think jet said it all.  I have heard Walmart bought jet.com.  I guess that explains a lot.

Demon Flash Bandit

Humon Declares Angel Innocent of all Charges

Yesterday there was a loud crash in Jeff's bedroom.  I was standing in the hall when I heard it.  At that point, Angel came running down the hall like a bat out of hell.  When I saw her running, I did what any innocent dog would do.  I did not want to be one of those "guilt by association" types so I was right behind her.  She jumped onto bed with humom.  Jeff was following, and he told humom that Angel had knocked over some blurays in his bedroom. To be fair, Jeff has a canillion of them in his room.  I would not be one bit surprised if they didn't attack Angel.  Humom told Jeff that Angel had been with her.  Jeff didn't argue with humom.  Angel has Jeff wrapped around her paw.  She laid next to Humom laughing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Innocent Dog)

Illegals Must Be Stopped

Something needs to be done about the illegal aliens who cross the border from the south.  Those chihuahuas cross the border without being properly veterinared.  When they arrive, they never stop barking.  They have the nerve to get right up in a big dog's face with their incessant, annoying noise.  We big dogs do get a laugh out of their pathetic yapping, but all jokes aside, they are taking some of our humans which means they ate taking dog food right out of an American dog's mouth.  In fact, I am not even sure they are dogs.  The humans say they are, but the Collie Coalition said they are not.  I tend to agree with the collies.  The ones that are here can stay, but we have enough!  I think we need to build a 2 foot high wall on the border.  That should be tall enough to keep the little boogers on their side.  I think President Trump is wrong in building a wall.  I think 2 feet tall is sufficient to keep the chihuahuas from crossing.

Demon Flash Bandit (US Dog)

Meeting My Readers

I had a busy weekend.  I was booked for a pawtograph session both days.  It was exhausting,  but I do enjoy meeting my fans.  I consider it my responsibility as a celebrity dog to spend time with my readers.

.Meanwhile, back  in Gotham City, Batman is shopping for a new Batmobile at the Bat car dealership.  Unknown to Batman, the Joker has purchased the dealership in an effort to discover Batman's secret identity.  Imagine Joker's anger when Batman's driver's license says only Batman.  Does the Joker ever learn that crime does pay?

Demon Flash Bandit

Adventures of a Travelling Dog)

Recently I wrote a blog about  telephones.  Due to the mobility of modern phones, the phone booth has become virtually obsolete.  There is the obvious observation about Superman losing his dressing room, but I am concerned about its other uses, and I'm not referring to upscale housing for the homeless.  Dr. Who has one that is a time machine.  In the two Bill and Ted movies (Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey) the duo travelled through time in a phone booth.  I assume that if the third sequel is made, it will also have a phone booth time machine.  This means that telephone booths are time machines camouflaged as booths for only telephones.   I plan to buy one and have my own adventures in time.  Then I will change my blog title to Adventures of a Time Travelling Dog.  I need to go so I can buy one before the humans realize they are time machines.  I want to get one as cheap as possible.  I hate to spend money on non bone items.

Demon Flash Bandit (Adventurous Dog))

Incomperant Birds

Today I am writing this blog about human biology.  It has come to my attention that human puppies are found in cabbage patches by birds called storks.  I got this information from an animated documentary  I watched  when I was a puppy.  Therefore, I know it is factual.  This concerns me because birds are involved on the process.  This does explain why stores have sold cabbage patch kids.  Storks, equipped with their small bird brains dropped them off at the wrong place.  I will never understand why humans trust birds when they so clearly incompetent.  I hope someday the humans will see birds through a dog's eyes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Watcher)

Telephones

Some inventions do not survive the test of iime, and some do.  One successful invention is the telephone.  This invention became so successful that now most people in the USA have a cell pH one that requires no wires.  All the humans in my family have cell phones despite my wise advice that  the money should be spent on the dogs.  For dogs who are wondering why telephones are so popular among the humans, I think I can understand it.  For example humom got a call today and every other day on her landline.  The caller was concerned about her college loans.  Because humom and my brothers have no collegs loans, she seemed  agitated.  Three times, a week, she gets a call to a resort in Florida offering her big savings.  They did not offer the dialysis tour so she can't go.  She is one of the luckiest humans alive because she has won ocean cruises and all sorts of prizes and she didn't even enter the contests. With her good luck, I was shocked when she turned down a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada.  She might have to rent a semi to bring the money home.  Humom's luckiest win was getting me.  I love her and she loves.me.  I guess I am a lucky dog too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Dog)

Breaking News

Breaking news:  President Trump has been rushed to the hospital at Andrews AFB.  I am here at the hospital to get the latest news, I will interview the doctor who treated him.  Doctor  Dooittle.

Me:  Hello Dr. Doolittle.  What news  can you share with us about the president's condition?

Dr:  He had to be treated for hand strain.  He signed so many executive orders that his hand started hurting.   His hands are incredibly small.  He is resting comfortably.  He should be okay in a couple of weeks.  He should be able to sign more executive orders again.

Me:  Thank you for your time.
This is Demon signing out

Demon Flash Bandit

Crime Hits Home

We have been having cold weather.  I refer to it as a little touch of heaven right here on Earth.  My humans don't agree.  I can't tell you what they say because it is inappropriate language for puppies to read.  I do try to keep my blog puppy friendly.  Let's just say my humans do not like cold weather.

This is a blog I never thought I would have to write. But I have become a victim of a serious crime.   Humom got me (and Angel, but mostly me) a pizza for dinner.  It was delicious.  We ate half of it and half was put into the refrigerator for later consumption.  My brother, Jeff, was out with his friends so he didn't get pizza.  He ate at a restaurant where, from the implications of the name, you have to be an apple to eat there.  Evidently this restaurant is part of a chain.  I guess humans are far more willing to become apples than us dogs.  What do they serve there?  Perhaps spaghetti and apples or a blooming apple are on the menu.  I sympathize with Jeff's hunger for pizza, but he is the one who chose to eat apples.  I can't gloss over his theft.  Did I mention it was a BACON pizza?  I love Jeff but what he did is called felony pizza theft, and dogs take that very seriously.  I was on the phone to America's Most Wanted to give them my story,  and I.am printing up some wanted posters to get the word out.  However, Jeff has promised to buy us another pizza so he is making an effort to atone for his crime.  I think I could forgive him if he purchases 5 pizzas for us.  As I have always said: don't mess with a dog's food!

Demon Flash Bandit (CrimemVictim)

Fast and Furious

Why did a casting director  cast Vin Diesel in the Fast and Furious movies.  The man  he cast in a movie requiring fur?   Iguess he was supposed to act like he had fur. The movies were popular despite Vin Diesel 's lack of hair.  I have been offered a job that I had to turn down.   I am a talented actor, but I can't play a monster. I am too handsome to play an ugly person.

Demon Flash? Bandit

Better Safe

I am so glad President Trump warned us about those bad hombres in Mexico.   No wonder he doesn't want non-citizens to get into this country.  I understand where he is comling from.  I have always suspected that chihuahuas are not really dogs.  I have never approved of them because they bark in Spanish.  They have never learned to bark in English.  If they want to live in this country, they should  learn our language.  When my great great great grandparents came here from Siberia, they learned to bark in English.

President Trump is a big fan of the movie, A Christmas. Story. I know because hombre is a word Ralphie would use.  Can't you see Trump standing at the border with his Red Ryder action shot air rifle with a compass in the stock smd a thing that tells time?  It is very important that you shoot the hombres in the butt. If you don't understand, watch the movie.  Now Trump has traded  his bb gun for am AK47.  Now I can take a nap with the knowledge that the world is safe.  An American would never shoot another American.  Would they?

De!on Flash Bandit (Safe Dog)

2017 Puppy Bowl

For sports fans yesterday was a big day.  I personally wait all year to see this football game.  Of course, I am talking about the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.  This is the first year that disabled puppies were allowed to participate.  One puppy is deaf, one puppy is missing a leg, and one puppy is both seeing and hearing impaired.  The game was great!  It was better than the game the humans wete playing.  Yeah, puppies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Puppy Bowl Fan)

Treadmill Torture

According to the Washington Post, a treadmill is based on a mideval torture device.  The news item did not surprise this dog at all.  I have always wondered why humans would get on one.  You run and run and stay in the same spot.  When a sled dog runs, we end up in another place.  A similar device is the stationary bicycle.  The rider can be on it for hours and never move.  Many humans pay to go to a gym and they PAY to use that type of equiIpment.   Humans are so gullible.  You can sell them anything.  I have to go now.  I must list some Demon Flash Bandit bumper stickers on EBay before the humans spend all their money at the gym.

Demon Flash Banditl zTortute

Groundhog:s Day

Instead of writing a blog yesterday.  I was busy celebrating the holiday.  February 2 is Groundhog's Day, and this dog knows how to celebrate a holiday.  In case some of my readers have been out of touch with society and are unaware of its importance, I will explain.    It is the day that the groundhog predicts the upcoming  winter weather. Phil, the Pennsylvania groundhog says winter will continue.  Woody, the local groundhog at thr Howell Nature Center came to the same conclusion as Phil.  The national weather service did not agree, bit what do the humans know about weather?

Watching the ceremony filled my heart with pride.  I saw a proud mama groundhog who realizes that all of her sacrifices to pay for weather school was worth it.  My mom felt  the same way for sending me to Mushing School.  I was top in my class.  I am willing to much to Burger King anytime.

I hope all my readers had a wonderful Groundhog:s Day!