Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Yummy Chummies

Today's blog is going to be about a wonderful dog treat, Yummy Chummies. Yummy Chummies are treats that are made in Alaska from salmon. Since I happen to be a Siberian Husky, I think Alaska is paradise, and so it is not surprising that one of my favorite treats comes from that paradise. However, I think all dog breeds enjoy them--even the breeds who don't consider the lovely winter weather in Alaska to be paradise. Arctic Paws, the company that makes Yummy Chummies, deserves to be congratulated by this dog for making a very tasty treat. A lot of stores don't carry them, but you can find them on the internet, and I'm sure more stores would start carrying them if they knew the humans would buy them for their dogs. Easter will be here in a few days, and Yummy Chummies would be great in a dog's Easter basket. In case you are wondering, this dog is not being paid to push this product, but I would gladly be their spokesdog. However, I am sure they don't have to worry about finding a spokesdog since I have yet to meet a dog who wouldn't recommend these treats. Today's blog is what I like to refer to as a public service blog for dogs. NOTE FOR DOGS READING THIS: If you happen to be a breed that is capable of pulling a sled, and your humans won't buy these for you, I suggest you mush on up to Alaska to get some for yourself. You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Yummy Chummies are Great Treats!)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Demon Flash Bandit of All Trades

Last night Mommy and myself were watching a television show from the years 2000-2001, Jack of All Trades. I enjoyed this show. It took place after the American Revolutionary War. Jack Stiles, is an American agent working with a British agent, on an island in the south Pacific. Their job was to stop Napoleon's colonizing efforts. Bruce Campbell played the part of Jack Stiles, and he also played the part of the Daring Dragoon, the masked man with the cape who was actually Jack Stiles, but of course, the French people never realized this fact. I liked this show, and I have to tell you that Jack Stiles reminds me of myself. I can see myself playing a part like this if they decided to redo this television show starring dogs instead of humans. In fact, I think many television shows would be vastly improved if they replaced the humans with dogs. Speaking of entertaining dogs, there is a movie trailer out for the movie, Marmaduke, and it looks like one awesome movie. I loved the end of the trailer when all the dogs are dancing. Marmaduke is a movie that had the good sense to cast a lot of dogs--I'm hoping it wins an Oscar for best picture.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs In Entertainment)

Monday, March 29, 2010

Humans Should Learn to Speak Dog

I was looking through some of the computer software that my humans have sitting around here. Imagine my annoyance when I found one that is supposed to teach the humans 51 languages, and dog is not among them. Bird isn't on there either so that explains why the birds can sit and plot against the humans without the humans having any idea what they are planning to do to them. One of my brothers learned ancient Greek and the humans don't even speak it anymore yet the college he attended still offered it. Wouldn't dog be a better language to offer the humans? One of my pals who happens to be a cat isn't too happy with the humans attitude toward teaching language either. He said if the humans took cat, they could understand him when he tells them what his menu choice for the day happens to be. It does sound like knowing what the cat wants for dinner would make life easier for the humans--they wouldn't have to put food in a bowl that the cat isn't going to eat. I suppose the humans don't bother to think about the practicality of what they learn--they like to learn silly things that don't matter to a dog.

How many of you dogs have heard of the story of Beauty and the Beast? I was very disappointed with this story because I thought that "Beauty" would be a dog. It turns out she was human. If you ask my opinion, how can humans be beautiful when they have those little noses that don't even smell very much? I won't even bother to list all the things that are silly looking about the humans. I happen to think the beast was one good looking guy. I bet it was a human who wrote the story. I do think it is a sweet story though--a handsome beast falling for a silly looking human. Actually, we dogs love humans so I guess dogs have a similar story--we could write Beauty and the Human.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend, and I hope the week is starting out good.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Dogs are Beautiful)

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Fleas: Nature's Jerks

With warmer temperatures approaching, it is a good time to talk about a dog's arch enemy: the flea. There are many chemical treatments on the market to get rid of fleas, but many humans do not like to use those chemicals so that means they might like to have a natural treatment that will get rid of fleas. For those humans, I have done some painstaking research on the internet for the best ways to get rid of fleas naturally. Okay, I spent about 5 minutes of time researching the topic, but that would be about 35 minutes in dog time.

I think the most logical natural method of getting rid of fleas is to use their natural predators against them. Their natural predators are ants, spiders, ground beetles, and birds. I know I hate to admit that birds are good for anything and normally, I would tell you to kill a bird on sight, but perhaps you could kill them after they eat the fleas in your area. It is customary to give a human their last meal before an execution so you are just letting the birds have a last meal of some tasty fleas. For this method to work, you are going to have to get a lot of the predators and let them loose wherever the dogs happens to be. The dog can laugh about it because he can watch the fleas be eaten by the bugs who think the fleas are gourmet food.

For some of you who might be asking, what do we do about the ants, spiders, and ground beetles once the fleas are gone? The answer it simple, you bring in the predators of those creatures, or you can take the simple route and just spray some bug killing chemicals. Some of you may be asking, why not just spray chemicals in the beginning? If you had done that in the first place, you wouldn't have gotten to experience the joy of seeing and hearing the fleas scream in fear while they are being eaten--and that is a pleasant experience for a dog. I think we share the same opinion of fleas with the humans. I have yet to meet a human who likes them.

Now, I must mush off the computer and make sure that there are no fleas around the house.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fleas: Nature's Jerks)

Friday, March 26, 2010

Cars: Should a Dog Drive Them or Eat Them?

I am pleased to announce that Winston, the dog who tried to eat the police car in Chattanooga, Tennessee is not going to be put to death. He does have to go to school. I wonder--is the school going to teach him not to eat police cars or to eat them and not get caught? I suppose it depends on who is running the school--humans or dogs. I think he thought the car was an over sized chew toy. He probably thought he had won the chew toy jackpot! Since the car was there to catch speeders, I am wondering if Winston has been driving around and perhaps he got a ticket for speeding and he was still mad so he went after the car.

I personally have wanted to drive since I was a puppy. I think I would be a better driver than at least 40% of the humans that are on the road, and one advantage with me is that I won't be chatting on a cell phone since I don't have one. Cell phones are just one more luxury that most of us dogs are denied. You would think they would make an exception for dogs like Underdog since sometimes a super dog is needed in a hurry, but I bet even Underdog doesn't have a cell phone. Anyway, just because I think dogs can drive a car, cats should never be allowed to drive. Since cats have 9 lives, they take too many chances and are very bad drivers.

As you might have guessed, Underdog is a big hero of mine. Very much like Superman, Underdog has a secret identity of Shoeshine Boy until trouble rears its ugly head when he becomes Underdog. He is always watching out for his girlfriend, Polly Purebred. I suppose he will have to be protecting her from the folks at PETA since they have been on a crusade against pure bred dogs which means that they are probably acting on the whims of Simon Bar Sinister or Riff Raff. You can just tell from their names that they are villains. By the way, I have yet to meet a dog who really cares if another dog is a pure breed dog or not. If you happen to be in a precarious situation and you hear the words, "there's no need to fear, Underdog is here". You will know that you will be okay.

I might add that Mommy was watching the fourth season of My Name is Earl last night, and it reminded this dog that the executives who cancelled the show are the same idiots who got rid of Conan and put Leno back on the Tonight Show. How do those network executives get those jobs anyway? If I were in charge, they would be on the unemployment line. Several episodes of the season did have some dogs on them so for you dogs out there, those episodes in particular are worth watching.

It is time for me to mush off the computer. I hope all my readers have a wonderful weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cars: More Than Something In Which To Ride)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Rules for Humans

My humans went to see Shutter Island at the theatre yesterday. I would love to give you a review of the movie, but dogs aren't allowed in the theatre so I didn't get to see it. It is just one more item on the list of things dogs aren't allowed to do. You know who makes these rules---humans make them. I think it is about time we make some rules for them:

1. I know the milkbones look tasty, but they are for dogs. Keep your human noses out of them.

2. If the dog lives outside and has a doghouse, it is for the dog. The human cannot stay in the doghouse no matter how much trouble he or she (usually he) has gotten himself into with the other human or humans in the house.

3. The rawhide bones and other chewy bones belong to the dog----keep your paws off of them!

4. Ask your dog's permission before you use his water bowl for disgusting things. Some dogs like myself don't drink out of them, but some do so ask permission before you assume the dog doesn't want to drink from it.

5. Dead animals belong to the dog--don't try to take them for yourselves. We know where they are, and you aren't fooling us with that disgusting look--we know you want them for yourselves.

6. We do not share our food with the humans. You have your own food. This rule does not apply to your food which should be shared with the dog.

7. Do not give your dog a bath unless he asks for it---preferably in writing and notarized. Without that signed permission, NO BATHS!

8. When you take a dog for a walk, you should ask where the dog wants to walk--it is the dog's walk, not the humans' walk.

9. Furniture is far more comfortable than the floor. Dogs should be able sit on whatever furniture they choose to sit their tails down on, and if the floor is so comfortable, let the humans sleep on it while the dog sleeps on the bed.

10. All "accidents" are the humans' faults---they obviously didn't let a dog out when the dog needed to go out.

11. Don't wake us from our naps. We need at least 18 hours of sleep a day, and if we don't get it, we can get grouchy.

I'm sure there are more, but these rules are a start. I dream of the day when we can go anywhere the humans go. Actually, with all the naps I take, I have plenty of time for dreaming. I've got to mush on into the bed now so I can take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Rules to Live By)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Super Sized Fantasyland is Not Dog World

About a week ago, I wrote a blog suggesting that Disney should open a new park for dogs and call it Disney Dog World. Actually I don't care what they call it as long as dogs are allowed and it is fun for dogs and their humans. I wrote the article because Disney does not allow dogs in their established parks. They do have kennels in which the dogs can stay while the humans enjoy the park, but no dog wants to be put in doggy jail while his or her humans are having fun. Today I saw in the news that Disney World plans to double the size of Fantasyland. The Dumbo ride will be bigger, and some of the new attractions will be interactive. It is nice that Disney plans to make this improvement, but there was no mention of them opening Disney Dog World as I suggested, a fact which has annoyed me greatly. My blog was right there on the internet for them to read. I could have become an consultant and charged them lots of Burger King gift cards for the idea, but I was kind enough to offer my suggestions free of charge, and the humans running Disney probably didn't even read them.

This brings me to another point. I haven't checked into it, but if we aren't allowed in parks, we probably aren't allowed to vacation on the Disney Cruise ship either. That Disney cruise ship looks like a lot of fun. There are lots of humans to play with and they have swimming, games, and the best thing of all---FOOD. I think a lot of dogs could spend the whole cruise in the dining room eating, and think it was the best vacation of their lives!!! Of course, if we aren't allowed in parks, I doubt that we are allowed on their ship either. That brings up another point---what are old dogs supposed to do for fun? I've observed that many of the older humans love to go on cruises so I bet they must be super fun for the senior citizen humans. Senior dogs like to have fun too! I bet the mouse is allowed on their ship. That mouse seems to be able to do anything he wants to do in the Disney Kingdom. I would love to introduce him to some of the cats I know--they would take care of him in a couple of minutes, and be licking their lips in glee.

I hope Disney comes to their senses and spends some money to open Disney Dog World, and if they do ever open it, I hope they allow Burger King to sell their burgers there because BK is my favorite food!

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for Disney to Open Disney Dog World)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Modelling Fees

If you are a dog, you have probably had your humans trying to get you to model for photos for them. You know they want photos when they get the camera out. If you really want to avoid having your photos made, you have to prepare ahead of time. Eat the camera when they aren't looking. The humans cannot take photos with a broken camera. However, for many of us having your photo made is no big deal, but I do think that you should be aware that many nice looking humans get paid to pose for photos. They are called models and some of them get paid very well for their time getting their pictures made. With this information in mind, I think it is quite appropriate to send the humans a bill for the time you spend modelling for them. Humans usually just buy stupid stuff with their money anyway so you can use it to buy dog toys, dog treats, and other sensible things like that. We dogs are very much in demand for modelling. Just look through a magazine or turn on the television and watch some of the commercials. There are plenty of dog models that are gracing the pages of magazines and starring on commercials. Has anyone seen the dog who has the human teeth or "doggy dentures" advertising Dentastix? I think that dog is hilarious. Some dogs do have a tremendous sense of humor. One in particular comes to mind--Triumph the Insult Dog. Triumph is one funny dog! I'm sure humans wish they could be so funny.

Mommy bought the Feb./March issue of Bark magazine and there is an article entitled Dogsledding by Jenna Woginrich that is quite interesting for those who like sled dogs. The snow in the photos made this dog wistful for winter again. I love feeling the snowflakes against my paws and on my back--such a wonderful feeling!

I have to mush to bed to take a nap. As usual, I hope everyone has a tail wagging good day!

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, March 22, 2010

Ice Cream is Delicious and A Big Little Life is a Good Book

Sometimes a dog enjoys reading about the life of another dog, and this dog is no exception. I just finished reading A Big Little Life by Dean Koontz, which is the touching story of his dog, Trixie, a golden retriever. Koontz is a writer and the book is "a memoir of a joyful dog". Trixie was a dog who was trained to be a service dog, but had to retire early due to elbow surgery. Dean and Gerda Koontz adopted Trixie, and the book chronicles not only Trixie's story, but also the effect Trixie had on their lives. You can tell Trixie was a very special dog by the way her human dad writes about her, and I only wish all dogs could have the kind of love Trixie had. Some of us dogs are lucky to have humans who dearly love us. I feel bad for dogs who never know that love, but even sadder is all the humans who could have that love, but don't choose to get a dog for various reasons. Those humans don't know what they are missing! The book also mentions the wonderful work of Canine Companions for Independence, which was responsible for Trixie's training. It is wonderful what those trained dogs can do for people with disabilities. If you enjoy reading about dogs, as I do, this is a good book to read.

I think it is time that I cover an item that is very important to me. That item is ice cream. I love it. Angel Zoom Smokey and myself get a small cup of ice cream every night, and we look forward to our treat. It is cold (like snow) and white (vanilla) like snow, and it is sweet like candy. With those 3 things going for it, it makes a wonderful treat for a Siberian husky because we like snow and cold, and I happen to enjoy things that taste sweet. Mommy had the nerve to give me Frosty Paws when I was a puppy, and I refused to eat it. It was disgusting. It didn't even look like ice cream. I had tasted ice cream already and I knew it was better. Daddy went to a drivethru ice cream place, and got himself and Mommy an ice cream cone when I was a wee puppy. When Mommy's cone was being handed to her, guess who grabbed it. If you guessed me, you would be on target. After tasting that delicious ice cream, there was no way you could con me into thinking Frosty Paws was the same. I suppose it might fool the dogs who have never had human ice cream, but my motto is, if you want to try something delicious, eat what the humans eat.

I hope all my readers had a nice weekend. Have a tail wagging good day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Ice Cream)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

World Wide Web: What is Its Purpose

This blog is going to be about the world wide web. Most humans and dogs don't give the web much thought because it is just taken for granted. However, I'm a curious dog so I decided to find out as much as I could about this web. I find the whole web concept intriguing because you can surf the web, yet surfing requires water. There is no water whatsoever around the computer, and I don't think putting the computer in water would be a good idea. This was my first inkling that there might be a lot to the web that the humans are trying to keep quiet. While surfing with no water was my first clue that there might be more to the web than the humans want us to know, there was a second clue that my nose picked up immediately. When I think of webs, I think of spiders because spiders build webs so, from that bit of information, I have to conclude that the web's inventor was a giant spider. Perhaps it is a spider from outer space or a mutant spider or perhaps just a spider who ate a lot and overdosed on his vitamins when he was a baby spider. Has anyone noticed how in comics, when the person gets a good idea, a light bulb is often shown over his or her head? The answer came to me just as literally because above the computer, my brother, who collects movie posters, has a 3D poster for Spiderman 2 hanging where a dog can see it while he "surfs the web". Yeah, that must be the answer. Peter Parker gets bitten by a radioactive spider, becomes Spiderman, and then builds a super web that becomes the internet. I wonder when there will be a movie about his connection to the internet. It think a movie about his invention of the internet would be a lot more lucrative for Sony that the one they are planning now. I know this dog won't bother to go see it. I do not wish to see a reboot of Spiderman. When I've seen a movie, I've seen it, and I've got it on dvd. I will use the money to go and see a new and better movie. From the sound of the one they are planning, I don't think finding a better movie would be hard. Yesterday I saw on the internet news that Sony wants theatres to replace popcorn, candy, and soda with healthier alternatives like apples and carrots. I am wondering if they are putting mind control devices in the healthier alternatives so that people will want to see the new Spiderman movie. I suppose that is their only hope. As you can see, this is a conspiracy that could rock the world as we know it. If I find out any new information, rest assured, my readers will be the first to know.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Researching the World Wide Web)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I'm Glad Mother Nature Doesn't Own a Calendar

Today is the first day of spring which means that my favorite season, winter is officially over. The only good thing for a Siberian Husky is that Mother Nature in the state of Michigan must not know that it is spring because there is often some snow in April so I'm glad Mother Nature doesn't have a calendar to tell her that it is too late for snow. What Mother Nature doesn't know is good for a husky. I would actually love to meet this Mother Nature person. Many years ago, they featured her on a margarine commercial. She would be given margarine and she would say it was butter, and then she would be told it wasn't butter, but was actually margarine. When Mother Nature found out she had been fooled, she would say, "it's not nice to fool Mother Nature", and you could hear thunder. To be fair, if Mother Nature was really that smart, she wouldn't have been able to be fooled so maybe she should have been mad at herself for not being smarter. I suspect that the commercial probably didn't depict Mother Nature as she really is. My guess is that she lives in a cave somewhere, and maybe only goes out to play Bingo a couple of times a week. Humans have been talking about her for years so you know she must be old. Does anyone know if Jack Frost is her son? It does seem logical that anyone named Mother Nature would have a son named Jack Frost. I happen to like Jack Frost because frost is another fun part of winter, and I love winter.

This brings me to the worst part of spring--BIRDS!!! It is bad enough that the weather gets warmer because the birds start stealing the snow when spring comes, but do they have to sing about what they have done. Most thieves are smart enough to keep their beaks shut, but birds love to sing about their misdeeds and annoy a dog! If I were Mother Nature, I would zap those birds out of the sky and shut up their stupid beaks for good. I'm sure the worms would agree with me on that. Worms aren't too fond of birds either which brings up another point. How can you trust a critter that likes to eat worms? They also eat seeds which annoys the humans since they often eat seed that the humans have planted. This is why farmers have to have scarecrows to try to scare the birds away from the farmer's crop. Sometimes they don't bother to eat the seed, but wait for it to grow so they can eat it when it is ready to harvest. As I said, they are thieves. Thieves that could cause humans and dogs to starve because they eat the crops, and yet the humans don't take their threat seriously.

There has been a recent surge in plane accidents involving birds so they have become terrorists. Yet Homeland Security has yet to issue a bird alert. I suppose this is because they are obsessed with issuing color alerts so the birds get by with causing mayhem for planes.

If anyone knows how to get in touch with Mother Nature, tell her Demon Flash Bandit would like to have a chat with her. I have some suggestions for her, but I'm not sure if she is going to like them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Would Like to Meet Mother Nature)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Dogs Don't Need to Wear Hats

I am sorry to report that the actor, Fess Parker died. He played the parts of Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone on television many years ago. This dog has a problem with the human, Davy Crockett. I know he didn't mean to annoy this dog, but he wore a "coonskin" cap, and this cap was a big fad for kids in the 1950's. My human Daddy was born in 1950 so he remembered the era fondly and had to have a coonskin cap for himself, which he never wore because he hated wearing hats. Yeah, I know--a dog will never be able to understand the oddities of human behavior so it is best just to realize they are "eccentric" and leave it at that. What the humans choose to buy doesn't really interest this dog unless the stuff they are buying is for me so normally I'm very tolerant about the stupid stuff they buy. However, my humans and myself were visiting Pigeon Forge, Tennessee one year on vacation, and they stopped in at a store entitled Hill-Billy Village. I know with a name like Hill-Billy Village, some of you dogs are probably thinking that it is some kind of high brow human store, but you would be surprised to find that it is not. My humans actually enjoyed shopping there because the store had lots of things that you can't find at other stores. You can imagine my excitement when Daddy came out of the store and told me he bought me something special. I was excited. I wondered--was it some kind of plush bear squeaky toy? Perhaps some of that tasty taffy that Mommy had gotten at Dolly Parton's store? Was it a diary written by a mountain dog that I can use in my diaries on Dogster or for my blog? If it had been any of those things or even a stick I would have been a happy dog, but it wasn't anything remotely good. It was a dog sized "coonskin" cap that just fit my head. I hate hats in the first place, but now I am supposed to be happy that the humans bought me a fur hat with some kind of weird tail hanging on it. I was highly upset when I saw it! All the cool things Daddy could have bought me and he chose that. I know you are supposed to appreciate the thought behind a gift, but all I can say is that he should have thought of something else. This is one of the reasons for my recent blog about how we should be allowed to shop with the humans. Humans waste money on stupid stuff like coonskin caps for their dogs. Anyway, humans who are reading this, if you happen to visit HillBilly Village, your dog does not want a hat. If he is anything like me, he would prefer you go to the Burger King drivethru and get him some burgers.

This dog may be going our on a limb with this statement, but I think that Davy Crockett didn't die at the Alamo. I think he was shot by a hunter who thought he was a raccoon. Just how intelligent is it for the humans to wear an animal's fur when there are humans who are out to get that animal? If people were hunting bears, I would not wear a bear costume. If I lived in Alaska, I would wear a costume because I wouldn't want one of those hunters shooting at me from a helicopter because they think I'm a wolf. It is a shame the humans don't have as much common sense in their little brains as us dogs have in our front paw--or back paw. All our paws are quite smart. The Smokies are a cool place to visit, but don't buy your dog a hat unless you have a dog who likes that sort of thing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who HATES Hats)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Doctors, Veterinarians, and Vampires

Am I the only one who has noticed that monsters seem to be gaining a following among the humans? There is the book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which is a classic romance with the addition of zombies. Another book written by the author of the aforementioned book is Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, which has a cool trailer for the book that can be viewed on Youtube. There is the movie Twilight, which has a human who falls in love with a vampire and then there is a love triangle involving a werewolf. Zombieland is another recent movie that has been released on dvd. There is also a vampire detective on a television show. I think all the depictions of vampires in the entertainment industry is to mask the true vampires in society. I cannot understand how humans can go to doctors. who are always taking their blood, and not realize that they are vampires. I'm not quite sure how they manage not to disintegrate during the daylight hours, but I suspect they are in some kind of special costume that looks like a human body, but it shields them from the effects of the sun. They always claim that they are taking the blood to "test" it, but you can't fool a dog. You know they are enjoying that blood while relaxing at home. That "testing" excuse was made up years ago, and the humans fall for it. It is just an added bonus for doctors because they can then tell the humans that they have high cholesterol or some other such problem and not only make more money, but tell the humans not to eat the foods they enjoy because vampires hate seeing humans have fun. I can prove that doctors are vampires--just take a look at the average hospital bill and tell this dog that the doctors aren't a bunch of blood sucking, money grabbing monsters. I might add that veterinarians belong in the same group since they are now big on taking a dog's blood, and their bills can be high too. If this gets any comments that are from the opposing point of view, pay no attention to them because they are from doctors and who really wants to hear the opinions of vampires.

Demon Flash Bandit (Most Doctors and Veterinarians are Vampires)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Time to Open Disney DogWorld

Happy St. Patricks Day to all my readers. I hope my humans don't get any ideas about dressing me in green because it is not going to happen. I have a lovely fur coat, and just because the humans aren't fortunate enough to have their own fur coats, is no reason to try to dress their dog/dogs in silly human style clothing. If you happen to be in Dublin, Ireland, be sure and visit the National Leprechaun Museum. I wonder if a dog visits there, do you think the dog might actually get to meet a leprechaun. I know they aren't part of the museum, but if I were leprechaun, I would want to visit a museum in my honor. If a dog meets a leprechaun, do you think the dog might be able to get some free samples of Lucky Charms cereal? I love those little marshmallows in the cereal. In fact, why don't the cereal people leave out the cereal and package only the marshmallow charms? I know this dog would like it a lot better that way.

I hope my dog readers have started the human training I suggested in yesterday's blog. When dealing with training humans, it is best to get started as soon as possible.

Today I am going to discuss the prejudice against dogs exhibited by a major theme park. That park is Disney World. The park does not allow dogs (with the exception of service dogs). I know that is true of most parks so you might wonder why I'm picking on Disney, but the thing that irks me about Disney is that its mascot is a mouse. Yes, a MOUSE, and not the kind of mouse you use on a computer--it is the real furry kind of mouse that most humans seem to be terrified of running into. Disney dedicates an entire park to a mouse and then won't allow dogs. Obviously, cats aren't allowed either because no self respecting cat would walk through that park without trying to eat that mouse. His name is Mickey Mouse, and you would think he is better than all the rest of us animals. They do have a couple of dogs in the Disney kingdom, Pluto and Goofy. Goofy can talk, but he is stupid, thus the name Goofy. Pluto can't talk and acts like a lot of regular dogs. Am I the only one that wonders how Disney can depict a talking dog as stupid when the "smarter" dog can't talk. I know when most humans meet a talking dog, they think the dog is incredibly smart.

I do give Disney studios credit for making some great dog movies--including Snow Dogs and Eight Below, but they need to re-evaluate their opinion on dogs entering their parks. In fact, why not make a new park and name it Disney Dog World. Doesn't that sound like an amazing theme park? I know I would take a vacation to that park. Let's hope Disney decides to open Disney Dog World soon. A dog needs a place where he or she can relax and have fun.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Would Visit Disney Dog World)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

How To Train the Humans

Today's subject is going to be about sleeping arrangements for the dog in the family. I have found that most human beds are quite comfortable. The sofa and chairs are okay too, and if the house starts getting hot, sleeping in front of an air conditioning vent can be quite comfortable. Why wait for the air to get to you when you can get it as soon as it gets into the room? If I slept outside, I wouldn't mind sleeping in snow, but most dogs would not enjoy sleeping in snow--that is something that is more fun for northern breeds like myself. Most of the time, I do sleep in the human bed. I have had a few dogs tell me that their humans expect them to sleep on the floor or on a doggy bed. Some are not allowed on the furniture. This is poor training on the dog's part. You have to accept your part in this because a dog can't fix a problem if he or she won't admit there is a problem. It is necessary to let the humans know who is in charge from the time you are a puppy because the humans aren't the smartest species in existence. (Contrary to what they say, cats aren't either, but the cats are always saying they are--cats lie a lot.) However, just because you didn't start as a puppy does not mean that you can't train the humans. I have a few clever tips for you to accomplish the task.

First, make sure the deed to the house is in your name, and remind the humans that you are doing them a favor letting them live in your house. The easiest way to get the money to buy the house you live in is to star in a movie or television show, but be sure you get a good agent because that percentage you pay for that agent can be well worth it. Some dogs have bad agents and do not get enough cash for their work. I personally have turned down roles in major motion pictures because they did not offer me enough pay. I do feel good that I helped Johnny Depp out by turning down the role of Capt. Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. He did a very good job in the role, and I am happy for his success. He may not be Demon Flash Bandit, but he is incredibly good for a human actor. In fact, I have often wondered if he is a dog in disguise since I haven't seen that kind of screen presence since DJ and Cody starred as Demon in Snow Dogs, and like Demon, he is very handsome.

The next step is to make sure that you "allow" the humans to sit on your furniture. You do want to make them feel at home. Let them "think" they own the place because you know you have the deed so legally, you can kick them out if they get out of line. Bedsides, cuddling with the humans can be nice.

Get a second, third, or fourth dog. The larger the pack, the more power you have when you tell the humans what to do.

Obedience training is a good idea, but remember, the humans aren't too intelligent so some of them are very frustrating to train at best and some of them are impossible to train.

I like to remind them frequently that I can drop them off at a homeless shelter if they aren't good humans. I know it sounds mean, and I wouldn't do it, but it helps keep them in line.

There are other good tips, but I have to finish this blog. Have a good day and enjoy working with your humans

Demon Flash Bandit (Obedience Training for Humans Does Sometimes Work)

Monday, March 15, 2010

A Dog Likes To Choose the Music Sometimes

This dog happens to enjoy music. I often enjoy singing along to the songs I like. In fact, I watched the humans operate the car radio, and it is a surprisingly simple thing to operate. All it takes is hitting the right buttons with your paw. This makes it possible for a dog to turn the radio off and on or change the stations. I suppose your next question is, what kind of music does Demon Flash Bandit like to listen to? I enjoy many types of music, and I enjoy many different artists, but one of my personal favorites is Alvin and the Chipmunks. Those chipmunk singers really know how to rock, and I might add Alvin is very cool the way he is always annoying the human named Dave. I am now going to relate an event which actually happened. I was riding in the car with my Mommy and my human brother William. Mommy had the Chipmunks cd on for my entertainment. William, who is 26 years old, had the nerve to say it was music for children and he changed the station. I took my front paw and changed it back to my cd. Why do the humans think that a dog shouldn't be allowed to choose the music that is playing in the car? He tried changing it again, and I again, put it back on the cd. Let's just say that William gave up, and we got to enjoy the music of the Chipmunks. Subsequently, The Chipmunk movie came out and then its "squeaquil came out so I think that proves that those chipmunks are great singers. This dog has been their fan since I was a puppy. I have wondered if there are other small animals that could do what the chipmunks have done. I got some chipmunks together in the back yard. There is no way that those chipmunks could be stars. Then I tried rabbits, squirrels, raccoons, and even possums. The ones in my back yard have no talent for playing musical instruments or even singing so Alvin and his chipmunks are very unusual. You can't just find singing chipmunks everywhere. I did find some grasshoppers that had an okay sound, but they could never sing "human" so they are only good for instrumentals--but they can do instrumentals without instruments so they are talented. I have to quit writing this blog now. I have an appointment with some cats to see how they sound.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Music of The Chipmunks)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Dog Who Admires Jefferson, Edison, and Einstein--and Would Include Them in History Books

What does the state of Texas have against Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Alva Edison, and Albert Einstein that they would deliberately leave them out of their textbooks? Did Edison's invention of the light bulb make their lives too different? Would they prefer to be sitting around in their homes with a kerosene lamp or a candle reliving the "good old days". This dog is wondering why they haven't yet banned computers in schools since the computer might mislead their students into thinking those humans existed. I am assuming they also re-wrote the history of the Alamo so that Texas won, and the heroes of the Alamo weren't from places like Tennessee, but from Texas. Are they going to leave out Henry Ford too because cars should never have replaced horses as the major mode of transportation? I'm sure that the Texas Board of Education has many other changes in mind. Since truth and accuracy are no longer necessary in textbooks, this dog is going to start writing textbooks. I think it is about time dogs got more coverage. Those wonderful sled dogs who took the diphtheria serum to Nome, Alaska that is now remembered by the Iditarod Sled Race, will have a prominent spot in my book--I can dedicate several chapters to their heroism. The United States flag in my book will have less stars since I will be leaving out the states I'm not fond of. Being a sled dog, Texas, you won't be getting a star--your climate is too hot for my taste, and if I don't like something, I'm going to leave it out. I guess I've learned to think like a Texas School Board Member--I knew I could do it if I shut off my brain.

Demon Flash Bandit (You Can Actually Learn From History-but Not if You Re-Write It)

Saturday, March 13, 2010

This Dog Has Questions

A dog wonders about things from time to time so today I am going to share some of my "questions" with you.

Does a dragon really have the ability to breathe fire? If he does, if I put some burgers on a rock, could he cook them for me? I have never met a dragon so I am very curious about this animal. I don't even think they have dragons in zoos so I would assume he is a mythical creature, but some myths are based on the truth so maybe there once was a dragon. If so, I wonder--are they extinct because they accidentally "roasted" each other?

Why did so many ancient cultures have men wearing robes or as the Romans called them, togas? Had they not discovered pants in those time periods?

Why is it that the board game Candyland doesn't come with candy. Wouldn't you think with a name like Candyland that candy should be part of the game?

Canada uses money with different colors--why don't their citizens buy Monopoly games and use the money from the game?

In the movie, Twilight, the girl has to choose between a vampire and a werewolf. Wouldn't a sensible human be trying to avoid both?

Did the humans decide that chocolate should not be given to a dog so they can hoard all of it for themselves?

Why do fleas exist? I have yet to meet a dog who likes them.

Now that I have shared some of my questions with my readers, you can see that I am a dog who wonders about the world around me. Then I do what we dogs do best--I take a nap!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing My Questions and Thoughts)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Garage Sales: Sometimes You Can Even Buy the Garage

Now I have a counter on my blog so I can see if any humans are actually reading this blog. It is a good thing a dog can count because I think the humans have problems with numbers higher than 20---you know they have to use their fingers and toes to count. We dogs are blessed with higher functioning brains so we can do higher math without the visuals.

We dogs not only excel in math, but we are also the ones who find most archaeological finds. The humans take credit for them, but let's face it, dogs do love to dig. How many humans really enjoy digging? They may get out the shovels to do it, but usually, their hearts aren't really in it. While I'm discussing archaeology, I want to mention that I recently found a major ancient find at a garage sale. As you know, garage sales are the places to find ancient antiquities and I was fortunate to find Gahiji's diary. Gahiji happens to be an ancient Egyptian dog, and I have shared his diary entry with my dog pals on Dogster. It is a big responsibility owning an ancient antiquity. I have to make sure it is well cared for, and none of the humans are allowed to use it as a napkin no matter how messy the food they are eating happens to be. This dog takes the responsibility of caring for ancient antiquities very seriously.

I've got to go now and mush into the kitchen to check on my treat supply. Some things in a dog's life are more important than writing a blog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Preserving Historical Dogs of the Past so Dogs of the Future Can Read About the Lives of Dogs of the Past, and Making Sure that My Sign Off is One of the Longest in Blog History)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Snow Dogs: A Movie That Should Have Won an Oscar!

I have decided that the humans could use a movie review of a great movie--one that was passed over for an Oscar, but should have gotten one for Best Picture. That movie is Snow Dogs. I loved that movie. The lead actor was this handsome dog whose name was Demon., and who was played by DJ and Cody. In fact, it was after seeing that movie that my human Daddy decided that he needed a Siberian Husky. This is because he was one of the most intelligent humans ever born. I may be a bit prejudiced, but any human who thinks a dog should be fed Burger King is a genius in this dog's opinion. However, this is a movie review so I will now tell you what the movie was about for those of you who might not have had the pleasure of seeing it yet.

Ted, a dentist from Miami, Florida is actually adopted, and his real mother lived in Alaska and raced sled dogs. When she dies, she leaves him her house and all her stuff so he goes up to take care of the "estate", and finds she has left him a team of great looking dogs. Ted, who doesn't happen to be a dog lover, is happy to get rid of the dogs, but he ends up...wait a minute.....I can't reveal the rest of the movie because it would be a spoiler for those who haven't seen it. This is a touching and heartwarming movie that this dog always enjoys. The dogs' acting is Oscar calibre, but the dogs were overlooked for Oscars, but that is okay since the Oscar is kind of a stupid looking statue anyway. I would prefer a Dogsie Award. Dogsies are the awards given to movies that get the votes of dogs and cats. Look at the stupid movies the humans choose for Oscars--The Hurt Locker. I have no idea why the humans who are in charge of the Oscars, would let a locker win as best picture. I've seen lots of lockers, and they are just metal bins that store stuff--hardly something that should win an Oscar. What will win next year? The Refrigerator? It isn't hard to understand why Snow Dogs was snubbed for the Oscar. What human actor stands a chance of winning when they have to compete with a dog--particularly a blue eyed "Demon". Demon could win over any human. I share that with Demon. In fact, the Bandit part of my name is because I am so good at stealing the humans' hearts. Remember, if you want to see an excellent movie, watch Snow Dogs!!! I give it 4 paws up and a tail wag!

Lap Top Computer: Just What a Dog Needs

I would like to wish Angel Zoom Smokey, the dog who lives in my house with me, a happy birthday! She is now 3 years old.

Today I would like to complain about this dog not having his own computer. I didn't get to write my blog yesterday because my humans were "busy" with the computer. Just what could a human possibly have to say that is more important than what a dog has to say? I'm sure you already know the answer is NOTHING. Sure, there are a few humans who say important things like the lady years ago on the commercial who used to say, "where's the beef?" I think that lady might have been a dog disguised as a human because we dogs do want to know where our food happens to be. I have no idea why so many misguided humans think that dogs don't need their own computers. I've been writing my thoughts and opinions for years for other dogs on Dogster, but now that I'm moving onto a human audience, it is even more important that I keep up my daily writing because dogs are so much more intelligent than humans. For example, the average human goes to work all day while we nap. If that isn't intelligence on our part, I don't know what is! I think I'll go outside and carry a sign that says unfair writing conditions for a dog. I could "borrow" one from a store, but I think a store might notice if I walk out of a store with a computer in my paws. I could hire a magician to turn a bird into a computer and kill 2 birds with one stone--I'd get a computer and there would be one more dead bird in the world--a win-win situation if you ask me. I could also build my own computer. All a dog needs is some plastic sporks to melt down to get the computer started. By the way, what human invented the spork? It is quite an invention--both a spoon and a fork all in one, and before the human has finished his or her meal, it usually breaks, which is handy for the humans who are trying to watch their weight. But I digress, the whole point of this article is not the brilliant invention of the spork, but the fact that a dog should have his own computer that he does not have to share with his or her humans. Perhaps the direct route of just telling my humans that I want my own computer would work best. Cross your paws for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs His Own Personal Computer)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Today I am going to write about one of my favorite foods in the entire world. I love Burger King. I know you might ask why I prefer BK to all the other burgers, but it is simple--look at the name. The name clearly states that their burgers are burger royalty. It isn't like the restaurant is called Burger Peasant. This dog thinks the king of the burgers must live in magical land where there are burgers everywhere. However, this dog has to get them at the drive thru because I don't live in the magical kingdom of Burgerland nor am I allowed inside the restaurant. I have no idea why dogs are banned from so many places, but that is a subject for another blog. I am glad that the restaurant has a drive thru, and it does make me wonder why my humans ever eat at restaurants without a drive thru since even us dogs know that a classy restaurant needs a drive thru.

BK does have some major competition from a place that starts with a Mc, but to me, there is no contest on who has the best burgers. The Mc people seem to be running some kind of circus since they have a clown representing them. In this dog's opinion, I would much rather have a burger from a king than from a clown. I know the clown is probably too busy trying to be one of the 30 clowns that is trying to ride in a small car than to worry about making good burgers. I might add that I know a king isn't going to waste his time cooking, but he will make sure a good chef cooks for him. Kings know how to get things done! To be fair and objective, the clown's ice cream is good. I do love ice cream as much as I love burgers.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank all the nice employees at the Howell, Michigan Burger King, where I usually get my burgers. They are a great bunch of humans. In fact, all the store is missing is a photo of me wearing the Burger King crown. By the way, no one in my family has ever worked for BK nor am I being paid by the people at BK. I have had some human relatives that have worked for the clown, but that was a long time ago. The reason I'm writing about Burger King is that I really love their burgers!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Dogs Like to Shop Too

There are some things that a dog blogger needs to discuss, and one of the most important things is why are dogs only allowed in pet stores? Many stores carry dog food, treats, and toys and a dog likes to go in and pick out what he wants for himself. Sure, I know some dogs don't behave, but they allow human children into stores and many of them don't behave well either. Don't get me wrong--I love human puppies, but facts are facts--some of them don't behave as well as the average dog. I think it would be a lot of fun to walk into a store and do my own shopping. In fact, there is a very cool news video on YouTube about a Siberian husky who walks into a store, and goes directly to the dog aisle, takes a rawhide bone and walks out of the store. That dog is like the Rosa Parks of the dog world. All us dogs are cheering the dog on because that dog is paving the way for us to do our own shopping. I'm sure the dog meant to pay, but probably forgot to bring a wallet. For all the free publicity the dog gave that store, the store should have been thanking that dog! My human Mommy was in a store the other day, and a bird was flying around in the store. If they can let a bird in to shop, why not allow dogs? I hope that one day in the future, dogs will be able to walk in a store and shop with or without their humans. As that dog who took matters into his own paws discovered, a dog can follow his dreams--and get a rawhide bone too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Like to Shop)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Trading Places: The Snausages Man Sled Race

I would like to salute the nice humans at Snausages for sponsoring the Snausages Man Sled Race at the Alyeska Resort in Gridwood, Alaska. The humans and the dogs switched places in the race, and the humans had to pull the dogs so it was not your typical sled race, but it was all for a good cause because the winnings were donated to charity. It looks like they had a fun time--I loved seeing all that snow in the video! Thanks go to the nice humans who were willing to take part, and the other nice humans who buy snausages. I happen to quite fond of them myself.

I think the idea of man and dog trading places is an idea whose time has come. I can see myself driving my humans around in the car. Any dog who has done much riding in the car can tell you that we can drive better than at least 50% of the humans that have drivers' licenses. I'm also quite sure that no more than 10% of dogs would be chatting on their cell phones instead of watching the road. I think the percentage of humans using cell phones while driving would be closer to 50%.

We do appreciate our humans, but this dog is just saying that we can do most things just as well, and it can be fun to switch places--but not for too long. This dog doesn't want to get up and go to work everyday. It would interfere with my napping.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Birds New Song: Don't Fear the Reaper!

It won't be long until birds are singing their songs and annoying this dog! How many of you have noticed that whenever the birds start singing, the snow melts and the weather gets warmer? If you are a dog who is good at observation, you will realize that it is not a coincidence that these events occur simultaneously. Yes, the birds are responsible for the warmer weather. They start stealing a dog's snow and they get bolder and bolder, and they continue their thefts until there is no snow at all. The weather gets warmer and the birds are singing their happy songs because they are the culprits causing global warming. Humans, who aren't as smart as us dogs, never suspect the birds are the reason for global warming because the birds have been doing it so slowly over the centuries that no one suspects them--except this dog. I have learned to speak fluent bird so I know about their evil plans, and it is my job to warn the humans of this catastrophic possibility.

Fortunately, there is a simple solution that dogs and cats have been doing for years--we like to kill birds. If you are a human who has a dog or cat who has killed a bird, thank your pet and hope that this will thwart the possible reign of terror envisioned by birds. Humans might need to take over with some of the bigger birds. That Big Bird from Sesame Street comes to mind. What possible bird can be that big unless it is the product of genetic engineering? Who would have thought that birds would be experimenting with genetic engineering? Remember, the only good bird is a dead bird!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates Birds)

Friday, March 5, 2010

I Wouldn't Recommend Eating the Yellow Snow

Now that I have introduced myself, I am going to jump right in and start blogging about things a dog finds interesting. I know some of you humans are thinking-great, this is going to be a blog about food and treats. However, we dogs have many interests that have nothing to do with food, very much like some of the humans. Since it is getting a bit warmer outside, I am going to discuss something that is near and dear to my heart--snow. We huskies happen to like snow and cold so winter is our favorite season. My humans do not share this love of snow and ice so this dog is concerned that one day, my humans will decide to move to a place where there is only stupid palm trees and no winter. A dog has to be on his paws to avoid such a fate, and because I like to help other dogs out there who have similar problems, I have devised some clever plans to avoid having this happen. This is not as difficult as one might think since the humans aren't that smart to begin with. It isn't like you are dealing with other dogs because they are much harder to fool This is going to take some work on the dog's part, but one of the more elaborate plans is to slip the humans some sleeping pills and while they are asleep, the dog paints tropical scenes on the windows (remembering to cover them up with blinds). Set an appointment with a moving company, and have them come in and move the furniture outside onto their truck and then bring it back in. Once it is back in, open the blinds to the tropical scene, and the humans will never know that they are still in the same house. Of course, this also involves making sure they never go outside which isn't that hard. Just have everything delivered to the house so there is no reason for them to ever leave. That plan does take some cash so, if you plan to go with that one, save your allowance in advance. If you don't get an allowance, your humans are holding out on you and you need to demand one. A cheaper alternative is to make sure and leave newspaper articles showing hurricanes and earthquakes where the humans will see them. Be sure and mention how many humans were killed in the latest storm. If none were killed, make up a large number. Accuracy isn't important--being able to stay in a cold climate is all that matters. I have not personally tried this myself, but eating the house can be a good plan so that the humans can't sell it, but it does not work in all situations. For example, if they rent, it won't matter. Besides, it can backfire since they could say, our house has been eaten so we need to move. I have to go now. I have some painting to do. If they do venture outside and they looked shocked if they see snow, tell them how smart they were to move to a white sand beach and the cool breeze is the breeze from the ocean. Yeah, it isn't hard to fool the humans. NOTE: a citrus air freshener throughout the house gives the scent of the tropics.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Snow)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

My New Adventure in Blogging

I will start by introducing myself. I am not your typical blogger. I happen to be a dog--a Siberian Husky, and my name is Demon Flash Bandit, or as I am often called, The Deemster. Actually, I have been keeping a diary on for a long time, and I decided it is time for me to mush on to a blog site and do what I do best--writing. I'm sure the humans must wonder what we dogs are contemplating while we are laying around waiting for a new treat, and now, thanks to this blog, you can know the kinds of things we think about while we are waiting.

Since this is my first blog, I will start by telling you a little more about myself. I am the lead dog around here, but I don't officially lead a sled since my humans aren't exactly winter sports humans so they don't enjoy getting out in the cold and mushing. There is another Siberian husky who lives here with me. Her name is Angel Zoom Smokey and I am still training her to do what I tell her to do. The silly dog thinks I am supposed to listen to her, but she is still in training. At least, unlike training the humans, there is hope that I can train her. Although many of the humans take dog training very seriously. I personally think it is a waste of time for most humans. My humans will never learn to do what I tell them to do. Some dogs are more optimist than I am, but perhaps they have more trainable humans.

I have many important issues to discuss in future blogs--the bird problem, doggy discrimination, and many, many more things so stay tuned for future postings.Until tomorrow, have a Furry Good Day.

Demon Flash Bandit

My New Adventures in Blogging.