Friday, March 5, 2010

I Wouldn't Recommend Eating the Yellow Snow

Now that I have introduced myself, I am going to jump right in and start blogging about things a dog finds interesting. I know some of you humans are thinking-great, this is going to be a blog about food and treats. However, we dogs have many interests that have nothing to do with food, very much like some of the humans. Since it is getting a bit warmer outside, I am going to discuss something that is near and dear to my heart--snow. We huskies happen to like snow and cold so winter is our favorite season. My humans do not share this love of snow and ice so this dog is concerned that one day, my humans will decide to move to a place where there is only stupid palm trees and no winter. A dog has to be on his paws to avoid such a fate, and because I like to help other dogs out there who have similar problems, I have devised some clever plans to avoid having this happen. This is not as difficult as one might think since the humans aren't that smart to begin with. It isn't like you are dealing with other dogs because they are much harder to fool This is going to take some work on the dog's part, but one of the more elaborate plans is to slip the humans some sleeping pills and while they are asleep, the dog paints tropical scenes on the windows (remembering to cover them up with blinds). Set an appointment with a moving company, and have them come in and move the furniture outside onto their truck and then bring it back in. Once it is back in, open the blinds to the tropical scene, and the humans will never know that they are still in the same house. Of course, this also involves making sure they never go outside which isn't that hard. Just have everything delivered to the house so there is no reason for them to ever leave. That plan does take some cash so, if you plan to go with that one, save your allowance in advance. If you don't get an allowance, your humans are holding out on you and you need to demand one. A cheaper alternative is to make sure and leave newspaper articles showing hurricanes and earthquakes where the humans will see them. Be sure and mention how many humans were killed in the latest storm. If none were killed, make up a large number. Accuracy isn't important--being able to stay in a cold climate is all that matters. I have not personally tried this myself, but eating the house can be a good plan so that the humans can't sell it, but it does not work in all situations. For example, if they rent, it won't matter. Besides, it can backfire since they could say, our house has been eaten so we need to move. I have to go now. I have some painting to do. If they do venture outside and they looked shocked if they see snow, tell them how smart they were to move to a white sand beach and the cool breeze is the breeze from the ocean. Yeah, it isn't hard to fool the humans. NOTE: a citrus air freshener throughout the house gives the scent of the tropics.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Snow)

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