Singing Spiderman

Perhaps you have heard about the new Broadway musical starring Spiderman. Since dogs are not allowed to attend Broadway shows, I won't get to see it personally, but in this situation, the jury is still out on whether it is a good thing or bad that dogs aren't allowed. Although they do have some very talented musicians composing the music, Bono and The Edge. The only glitch for me is that I have never felt that Spiderman really needed musical accompaniment. So far, the big song about spiders, Itsy Bitsy Spider, isn't exactly on the charts. Perhaps if it was sung by Spiderman, it might do better, but considering he is usually busy fighting villains, it doesn't leave a super hero much time for singing. This is not the first time that a comic book hero has appeared on Broadway. In 1966, there was a Broadway musical based on Superman, but it didn't last long. It was called It's a Bird....It's a Plane...It's Superman. If Spiderman is successful, it might bring back a new Superman musical. I think Superman would have upbeat music. Perhaps he could perform Happy Feet with some penguins. It would be appropriate since his fortress is located in a cold area, and penguins love it when it is cold. I can envision Batman singing Stuck in the Middle With you if they decided to do a Batman musical. I checked the ticket prices on the Internet, and the prices range from $155.00-$325.00 per ticket on a weekday, and $188.00-$350.00 on the weekend. This dog would be skipping the show even if I were allowed to attend. At those prices a dog could buy a lot of Burger King, dingo bones, and Yummy Chummies. The humans are impractical with money, but not us dogs. We have our priorities.

I hope that the humans who pay so much to go to the new musical enjoy it, but this dog will stay home and chew on a dingo bone. It is hard to beat the entertainment value of a dingo bone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Broadway Critic)

Own Your Own Fire Hydrant!

Imagine how happy I was to discover that you can order a fire hydrant "lawn statue" at Amazon.com. Personally, I like to water the trees and plants, but for the dog who prefers hydrants, you can have your own personal fire hydrant in your own back yard!!!! No more walking down the street to the nearest fire hydrant. You can use this hydrant EVERY TIME you go out. The hydrant is 14 inches tall and 6 inches wide. It is made of cold cast resin so it is durable. At its $27.00 price, it is a real bargain. I'm sure everyone will want one of these for their yards. I know I would love to have one myself. I already have most of the plants in the yard marked, and it would be nice to have some new "territory" to mark.

Be the envy of every dog in your neighborhood with your own personal fire hydrant. The other dogs will want to visit your hydrant, but they can only do so with your permission. This would make a fantastic Christmas gift for the dog on your list. I don't know of a single dog who would not be proud to own such a treasure.

I must issue a warning. This hydrant will not be of any help in putting out a fire. It is for decorative, and peeing purposes only.

Don't forget the contest for the husky Christmas ornament (it was announced in yesterday's blog.) Perhaps someone will make a fire hydrant ornament for dogs. That way we can make sure the Christmas trees stays "watered".

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Fire Hydrants)

Christmas Husky Ornament Contest

In honor of the Christmas season, I am giving away a Siberian husky playing hockey Christmas ornament. In my opinion, it is the cutest ornament ever made, and you know I'm not just saying that because I'm a husky.

To win this prize, come to my blog and post a comment from now until December 5, 2010. For each comment posted, an entry will be entered into a drawing. I, Demon Flash Bandit, will draw the winner on December 6. This contest is open to everyone in the United States and Canada; and of course, postage will be free. This is my way of thanking everyone for reading my blog, and to wish my readers a merry Christmas. A photo of the ornament is included on today's blog.

It is time to start putting up the Christmas tree which, in my opinion, is the time of year that is on the same scale as birthdays. Any day when this dog gets gifts and treats has my approval. I have been looking through catalogs to see what to ask Santa Paws to bring me for Christmas. Some of the humans went to Black Friday sales yesterday, but not my humans. They stayed home and ordered stuff online. This dog approves since I don't like it when the humans go out and leave me at home. I have heard that a lot of humans go out shopping and many of them aren't having a good time. I don't think us dogs will ever understand why the humans put up with some of the things they put up with, but then we have to remember that they are humans and humans aren't logical. Be sure and start looking through catalogs and watch some television commercials so you will know what to request from Santa Paws when he asks you what you want.

Demon Flash Bandit (Preparing a List)

Pass the Pizza and Burger King

Mommy offered me turkey for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. Although I do approve of the killing and eating of stupid birds, I declined to eat the turkey. I got my usual Burger King, which was delicious, and I ate some of the ham and bacon off Mommy's pizza. Whether you had the traditional Thanksgiving pizza or something entirely different, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it is time for a dog to start making that special list for Santa Paws. I have been very good this year so I'm sure he will bring me lots of stuff-as always.

Mommy didn't make it to any sales today. She had planned to, but the car was making some odd noises. I think it just didn't want to bother with the crowd. I suspect Mommy wasn't anxious to deal with the crowds either. I don't think there was anything she really needed anyway. For those who braved the crowds, I hope your shopping trips were pleasant.

I am beginning to feel a nap coming on. Thanks for reading what a dog has to say. It always makes me feel good to see that other dogs and people have read my blog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking forward to Christmas)

The True Story of the First Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers. I hope everyone has something to be thankful for this year. I personally am thankful for Burger King and doggy treats and, of course, my humans and my friends.

I watched the Thanksgiving parade from Detroit, Michigan this morning on television, and I enjoyed watching it. I do think the caterpillar they had reading the news was silly. I have met some caterpillars, and they do not impress me as readers. I think they should have had a dog instead. We dogs not only know how to read, but as my blog, and many others prove, we can write too.

The new outdoor Christmas decoration with a husky inside Santa's boot is now ready for display. I can understand why Mommy bought it. Who could resist an adorable husky?

The house is filled with the aroma of turkey even though the humans are ordering the traditional Thanksgiving pizza. This has Angel Zoom Smokey and myself excited because I suspect we will get some turkey for ourselves. We both prefer turkey to pizza.

For those of you who might need to be reminded why the United States celebrates Thanksgiving, I will now quickly recap the history behind the holiday. Many years ago when the Europeans found the new world that the native Americans had discovered many centuries before, they decided to start colonies in this new land. It was rough in the beginning. These hardy pioneers did not have electricity or indoor plumbing. They didn't even have a Burger King drive thru in which to get their food. Thus, the natives felt sorry for them because the natives knew how to survive in the new world. They knew where all the good restaurants and hotels were located, but since they didn't speak the same language, it was hard to communicate, One day the natives took pity on the pioneers and used pictures to invite them to dinner. They ordered pizza from Pizza Hut, and the pioneers were so happy to finally have found a good restaurant that they managed to survive and thrive here in the new world. In fact, it wasn't long before they discovered pizza coupons so their place in the new world was secured. Many years later, Lincoln, who was elected President due to his popularity (he was on the penny so he was a household name), said that there should be a day of thanks for pizza. This is because he was so fond of pizza that it was said that if he couldn't get pizza everyday; he would go into pizza withdrawal. His aides would have to go and find him pizza or he would not be able to function. This was made easier by the car he invented, the Lincoln. I might add that this dog likes Lincolns, and enjoys riding around in luxury. I also like a car big enough that I can stretch my paws out when I'm riding. I know there are some bogus stories of the first Thanksgiving. However, I did some vast research on this subject and was able to find some rare documents in the Library of Congress. My narration is the factual story of the first Thanksgiving. By the way, turkeys were unimportant on that first Thanksgiving just as birds are unimportant now. This dog is fighting the birds' propaganda by relating the truth.

I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving, and may everyone's tummies be full at the end of the day. Enjoy the traditional pizza!

Demon Flash Bandit (Historian)

Happy Thanksgiving!

The bad thing about having relatives work for you is that they tend to take advantage of a dog's good nature. My blog was not written yesterday because the human who does my typing for me decided to go to the Purple Rose Theatre in Chelsea, Michigan to see a play written by Jeff Daniels. He also founded the theatre in Chelsea. Although writing my blog should be more important to her than going to a play, the humans have an odd sense of priorities. Anyway, she is home today, and I told her that she had better sit down and listen to what I have to say and type it accurately because there are readers who are waiting to read my words of wisdom---as usual. I was a diary pick on http://www.dogster.com/, and she didn't even type my diary entry, and my readers were all disappointed.

I have some good news to annouce. The local Burger King will be open on Thanksgiving. Finally, my letters to the corporation have been heard. A dog gets hungry on holidays too. The great thing about Burger King is that it is run by the King so whatever he says is how it will be. I bet he read my letters and issued an order to the corporation--stay open so a dog can get his food on a holiday. I hope they decide to stay open on Christmas too!

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I think my humans should start thinking about how thankful they should be that I put up with them. Sure, they are good to me, but I have been kind enough to stay and let them feed me Burger King and buy me dingo bones. They should be thankful for my kindness. I hope everyone out there has a happy Thanksgiving, and although the traditional Thanksgiving pizza is tasty, cooking up a bird like a turkey helps in the fight against global warming in our never ending war with birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing My Readers a Happy Thanksgiving)

Answer to Ireland's Problems: Leprechauns!!!

For those of you who bother to keep up with the news, Ireland is having problems financially and needs a bailout. As usual, this is because humans are running the world. The answer is as clear as a commercial for Lucky Charms cereal. They need to start catching some leprechauns and demanding the gold they have at the end of the rainbow. If they don't get some gold, they can at least get some tasty cereal out of the chase. I bet those leprechauns haven't paid taxes in years, and it is about time they helped out some. A bonus would be having them make a pair of shoes for every person in the country. If the humans don't want to chase the leprechauns, let the dogs do it. We love to chase things, and a leprechaun would be just as much fun to run after as a squirrel. It has the added benefit that a dog could put a couple of gold pieces aside after he catches the leprechaun and before he turns over the gold as a finders fee. The finders fee would keep a dog in dingo bones for quite awhile. I am still enjoying the chicken filled dingo bones Mommy got me for my birthday yesterday. YUMMY!!!

Ireland is a very fortunate country. Most countries do not have little people running around that have gold for the taking. I do think that the world would be better off if it were run by dogs. If I were in charge, the economy wouldn't be based on silly things like gold. What do you expect from humans--they are always mesmerized by shiny objects? I would base the economy on things that are useful like food and dingo bones. Gold doesn't do much good if you are hungry. You can't eat it or drink it and it does not, in itself, provide shelter. It only buys the necessities because of the human fascination with shiny things. Give me a choice between a dingo bone or a gold ingot, I will take the dingo bone every time--and I do mean EVERY TIME!

Speaking of dingo bones, it is time for me to go and get myself one. Ireland, I hope you decide to chase some leprechauns. This dog is pulling for you. I would like to visit your country one day. It would be nice if you could chase a few of them to my yard. I could use some extra dingo bone money.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Volunteer to Chase Leprechauns)

Today Is My Birthday!

I'm a bit later writing today than usual because I have been celebrating all day. Today is my birthday, and I have been having a great time. I got a toy chicken with 2 squeakys, and I love squeakys. I also got some dingo bones filled with chicken. I had Burger King for dinner, and I will get more presents tomorrow. Angel Zoom Smokey is happy too because Mommy gets her the same stuff so she won't be jealous. I have also been engaging in one of my favorite past times. If you are assuming I was taking a nice long nap, you would be correct. Napping is a hobby of mine.

I was looking through some ads, and I see that computer companies have finally made a computer for dogs called a netbook. I know it is for dogs because it is smaller than the human computers so that it is easier for a dog to carry with him when he goes places. This is very a very exciting thing for us dogs. We no longer have to depend on the humans to do our typing for us. Of course, I will continue to use Mommy as my typist because she works free, and it saves me a lot of work. However, it is still nice for me to have my own computer.

I was checking over the groceries that came into the house yesterday, and I'm a bit confused. There was a turkey. Now I am wondering if we are going to have our traditional Thanksgiving pizza or if there will be turkey. I guess it will be a surprise!

I plan to get back to my birthday celebration, and take a nap. I hope everyone had as nice a day as I have had.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birthday Dog)

New Book Genre--Dogoir

I was just reading about about a new genre of books that is classed as the dogoir. These are dog books. Finally, dogs have begun to get the attention we so richly deserve. There are a record number of these books on the best seller list. Why this is a "surprise" to some of the humans shows just how self absorbed the humans can be. Quite frankly, after watching my humans, they live very uninteresting lives. Most of them get up, go to work, and do other boring things. I have naps more exciting than their lives. When I nap, I dream and dreaming is definitely more exciting than what goes on around here.

One of the recent books Mommy bought that I think is one of the best books in the house is I Has a Hot Dog. This book has adorable dog photos and captions. I think it should be required reading for college students. If you haven't gotten this book yet, do yourself a favor and buy a copy. Don't just get it from the library. You will want to look at it over and over. I know I do.

I have actually written a book myself, but it is a children's book, and I'm waiting for the artist to finish the illustrations. At that time, I will try to get it published. I'm sure it won't be easy considering I'm an unknown author, and also a dog. I'm not even sure if there are any literary agents who represent dogs, but if there aren't there should be. I am happy to announce that I have been busy practicing putting my pawprints in my book. Human authors sign them, but dog authors put pawprints. It is just too hard to write when you don't have thumbs.

I hope all my readers are having a nice weekend. If you have some time to read, I would recommend you read a book from the dogoir genre.

Demon Flash Bandit (Author and Dog of Many Talents)

New Planet Discovered In Milky Way Galaxy

There is exciting news in astronomy today. It seems that a new planet has been found in the our galaxy, the Milky Way. There are 500 planets in our galaxy, but this new one is from another galaxy that was absorbed by the Milky Way many years ago. The planet was found orbiting a star called HIP 13044, and it is 2,000 light years away.

I'm sure that my readers, like myself, are wondering if this will affect our horoscopes. I happen to be a Scorpio, and I wonder if the predictions for my life need to be modified due to the discovery of this "new planet". I will now share my "unmodified" horoscope for today that I got from the Internet
http://horoscopes.mydaily.com/astrology/scorpio/

"You may be unwilling to seek common ground with a partner today even if it has the potential to make your life simpler. However, you aren't interested in compromising away your integrity. Although it appears that the other person is being difficult, it may be you who is being stubborn at this time. Keep in mind that the outcome of a disagreement now is not important as it seems. The health of a relationship is what ultimately matters."

The only partnership in my life is with my humans or Angel Zoom Smokey, and I suspect the stars are referring to Angel. I think the compromise in question probably involves a rawhide bone because she is always trying to take my rawhide bones from me. Letting her have my bones would be a horrible compromise. Sure, life may be simpler, but it would be simpler because I don't have a rawhide bone, and this dog does not sacrifice the integrity of my rawhide bones just to have a "simpler life". As you can see, my horoscope is so accurate that I can only assume that the stars are watching Angel Zoom Smokey and myself on a regular basis. I hope, if the discovery of this new planet compromises the outcome of my horoscope in any way, that the astrologers will be busy working on the new, improved horoscope so that a dog knows what to expect everyday.

I am quite surprised that they haven't discovered more new planets absorbed into the Milky Way galaxy. If I were a planet, I would head for the Milky Way myself. It is one delicious candy bar so what planet wouldn't want to be here instead of some other stupid galaxy that has no candy? I know I would head for the candy if I were a planet.

It is time for me to get back to my napping. TDIF--Thank Dog It's Friday!

Demon Flash Bandit (Scorpio)

Engagement and Murder

Target, a heroic dog who saved the lives of soldiers in Afghanistan and was brought back to the United States to live with Sgt. Terry Young in Arizona was "accidentally euthanized" by an employee at the Pinal County Animal Care and Control Shelter. The director of Animal Control there, Ruth Stalter, said Target was not supposed to be euthanized, and that the employee, who has been put on administrative leave, did not follow proper procedures. I'm not against second chances, but I think this employee should lose that job. There are other jobs out there that do not involve an animal dying if they do the job improperly. I am very sorry that Target, who had been shot in the leg and ran over in Afghanistan, and finally had a good home, was killed by such a thoughtless, human.

I like to write about happy news, and today I see that my pal, the Queen Lady, has tweeted congratulations on the engagement of her grandson, William, to a young lady named Kate Middleton. This dog wishes them well, but I guess I am going to have to let the Queen Lady know that "tweeting" is not acceptable. Birds are evil, and it is very important that the world leaders not be taken in by the little feathered varmints. I assume that with the royal wedding in the works that the Queen Lady won't be able to mow my yard again this year. I'm sure she will be crushed, but it is important to put family obligations first. I hope the new addition to the royal family will be as easy to deal with as my new stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. I've discovered that stuffed dogs are much more docile than real dogs.

It is time for me to mush into the other room and take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Murder and Marriage)

Introducing: Phantom Fast Snowman, Stunt Dog

Today I am introducing a new member of the family, and my personal stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman. As you can see from the photo, he is a full size stuffed husky that has blue eyes just like me. However, since he is not a real dog, he does not mind being dressed in outlandish costumes. Also, he has no complaints about anything the humans might decide to do to him no matter how embarrassing it would be for a real dog like myself. Phantom will also be Angel Zoom Smokey's stunt double. I am pleased to welcome Phantom to our family. The best thing about Phantom is that he does not want my Burger King, my bones, or my toys. Phantom does not bother me when I am napping either. Of course, Phantom does not possess my bubbly personality, but staying clear of my bones makes up for that. I don't want the competition anyway. It is about time I had a stunt double. I have been a star since I was a puppy, and all us dogs know that stars are too important to do their own stunts. What if they got hurt? It could delay filming and cost the studios a lot of money. Anyway, you will be seeing more of Phantom on my blog--no doubt wearing stupid clothes that Angel and I refuse to wear. Mommy should have known better than to buy the clothing for us in the first place, but at least now she can be happy because it won't go to waste. Phantom can model it for her.

I'm wishing all my readers a nice day from Demon Flash Bandit, Angel Zoom Smokey, and our new stunt double, Phantom Fast Snowman.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Finally Have My Own Stunt Dog!)

I'm Not a Chia Dog

Today's topic is chia heads. There have been chia pets around for years. Humans buy them and plant seeds and grow "green plant hair" on the item. Sometimes they are heads, and sometimes they are animals. Today's topic is about the heads. You can buy George Washington, Barack Obama, Abraham Lincoln, or the Statue of Liberty as Chia Heads now. I wonder why no one thought of this idea sooner. I'm sure Washington would be pleased to know that he can now be seen with green hair. Actually, I'm joking. I think Washington would probably be highly upset if he saw green hair on his head. The founding fathers just don't impress me as the kind of men who would have green, pink, purple or blue hair. Maybe I'm wrong, and they sat around wishing their hair could be a cool color like that, but somehow I just don't think they did. I suspect they had more important things on their mind than hair color anyway. I can't even picture modern Barack Obama wanting green hair. Of course, I could get in touch with Bo, the first dog, and ask. I know I always feel better knowing that a dog is in the White House. I can't really see Lincoln wanting green hair either. I wonder--does he grow a green chia beard too? These are the kinds of thoughts that disturb my naps. Also, would the immigrants who came to the shores of New York Harbor feel the same way about being here if they had finally spotted the Statue of Liberty and found that she had green hair? Don't get me wrong--I don't mind chia pets, but I just wonder how I would feel if they came up with a Demon Flash Bandit chia pet that grows "green hair". I happen to look handsome with my black and white fur, and I think I'd prefer to keep the fur.

I have a wonderful announcement to share with my readers. I will soon be posting photos on my blog of my stunt dog double. Yes, folks, I am finally getting a stunt dog to do the things I hate doing--like trying on dog clothing. I am very excited about this new development, and I think my readers will enjoy seeing "me" or "Angel" doing things the humans could never get us to do in the past. Keep watching my blogs for the introduction of this important new dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Chia Dog)

Zombieland

Angel Zoom Smokey and myself finally got to see Zombieland. Since we aren't allowed in theatres due to us being dogs, we always have to wait for things to come out on dvd before we get to see them. I have already complained in the past about silly rules not allowing dogs in public so I will refrain from repeating the complaints in this blog. I enjoyed the movie. Of course, I didn't see much difference in the humans and the zombies. Zombies were running around like they were in a daze, and that is how most humans act so a dog could have a bit of a problem trying to distinguish the difference. I am very glad that Mommy upgraded to a new hd television in her bedroom and got the bluray player for it. This meant I was able to watch Zombieland in high definition. Believe me, when you watch zombies with oozing sores, you want to see it clearly. When the human in the movie found the yellow Hummer with the arsenal of weapons in the back and he said, "Thank God for rednecks", this dog got all choked up. Normally, I think guns are not really necessary to have around, but I suppose the National Rifle Association has a point when they say, "what if we get attacked by zombies?" Finally, I could see the logic of their argument. Sure, I know that zombies aren't supposed to exist, but if you have one planning to eat your brain, it is a bit late to wish you had listened to the humans who said they do exist. Anyway, this dog will be more careful in the future when I go out....killer tomatoes, zombies, birds....what other dangers lurk outside the door? If I wasn't such a big, brave dog, I might be afraid to leave the house.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and watch out for zombies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Zombies)

How To Show Class

For those of you who have not read some of my earlier posts, The Queen of England made a visit to New York City and there was a news story at that time about how she has had to cut back several million dollars on her household expenses. I felt bad for the Queen Lady so I offered her a job mowing my yard. Of course, she was thrilled at the opportunity to make extra money, and I shared several of the letters we exchanged back and forth about the possible trip. She was never able to come and mow the yard, but she really wanted to, and maybe she can earn some extra money next year.

Today I am reminded of the Queen Lady because she is a very classy lady (she has to be--she is royalty), and I was touched at how classy my humans can be at times. Normally, Mommy buys kleenex for the computer room, but we ran out of kleenex, and Mommy forgot to buy more when she was out yesterday. The solution to the problem is one of the classiest things I have ever experienced in this family. When I walked into the computer room to write my blog this morning, sitting next to the computer is a roll of toilet paper which I needed right away since I started crying. I'm such a lucky dog to live in such a classy family.

I think they could have only picked up that kind of class from the Queen Lady. I have never had the privilege of visiting her palace, but I have chatted with her dogs, and they have told me about all the treasures in the place. By the way, it shows taste and class for a human to have dogs. Some of them don't have dogs as pets, and I just feel sorry for them. However, I will stick with the subject at hand--the classy art that fills Buckingham Palace. The Queen Lady does not brag about these items and that is the classy thing to do. However, this dog wants to bring culture to the masses. Remember, do not feel bad if you can't afford these kinds of classy things. I would suggest you call up the Topeka Zoo and see if you can order some of the classy elephant poo items by mail. Believe me, the Queen is investing in the $25.00 ones. I'm not saying they will go up in value, but one never knows. WINK WINK

When you enter the Grand Hall, you will see some pictures of past rulers of England. Then there is the painting used in the Blackadder television series in which Bolrick paints what he ate for breakfast--(once it is in his stomach of course). Then there is the velvet Elvis painting. HINT: For a touch of real class and elegance in your house, make sure there is at least one painting on velvet. The painting that has Christmas lights on it that light up was a real find. I can't tell you how many art museums were fighting over that one before the Queen beat them to it. It is good to be the Queen! The painting of the clown picking his nose is quite a victory for the Queen. The Louve in France was after that one, but once again, don't mess with the Queen Lady! There is the one with Michael Jackson surrounded by young boys and he is smiling. Personally, I think that one might be a bit creepy, but on the other hand, having King Henry VIII's wives heads on display is considered creepy by many humans, but they are wax replicas, and some guy named Prince Vlad toured the palace, and he thought they were lovely. It goes to show you that there is always some controversy in the art world. The dogs were particularly annoyed at one piece of art--the Thinker on the Toilet. They said it is like he is using their watering dish and bragging about it to the world. I can see their point about that. I also would be remiss if I didn't mention the Popsicle replica of London Bridge. I found that to be breath-taking. Some dog had to eat a lot of Popsicles to build that sculpture. It makes a dog appreciate what artists do for their craft.

There is an entire room filled with collectible plates. The plates are kind of a personal matter--some argue that Nascar plates are classier than Gone With the Wind Plates, but there is always some room for individual taste. Invest in what you enjoy--don't let other humans push you around. They have all been going down in value. WINK WINK

I hope that after reading this blog, my readers will go back to their lives more intelligent and classy than they were before they read this blog. My job is to educate the humans who don't have a classy dog to explain these kinds of things to them. Until tomorrow....

Demon Flash Bandit (Classy Dog)

Send Gingerbread House to Demon Flash Bandit, Dog

Everyone has a dream vacation destination, and I just discovered mine. It seems that nice humans at Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls, Canada are in the process of building their 3rd annual 2 story, wood frame gingerbread house. The house is made from 600 pounds of gingerbread, 1,000 pounds of frosting, 2,000 chocolate wafers, 750 cookies, and 4.900 pretzels. The house requires 3 full time bakers, an executive chef, and one sous chef 2 weeks to build the house. By the way, I have no idea what a sous chef is. I'm going to assume he is the legal chef in charge of making sure the executive chef and the bakers don't get sued.

Imagine a lit up, glittering house of gingerbread!!!!! Can there be anyplace more perfect for this dog to take a vacation. The lodge has wisely added some interests for the humans-- a water park complex (too much like a bath for my taste), mini golf (my paws are kind of clumsy when I have to hold a golf club), and other family themed entertainment. Of course, for the dogs, there is the wonderful candy house!!!!!

The lodge allows reservations at a cost of $20.00 for meals in the house for a family or group of up to 6 which is donated to the child Advocacy Centre Niagara, a group that helps abused children. When meals aren't being served in the house, Santa is in the house to visit with children. You know how important it is for kids to get their lists to Santa before Christmas.

In the first part of January, the house comes down and goes to the compost heap. Since people touch the house, it has germs and the humans don't want to eat it. I think it is wasteful to send it to a compost heap so I suggest that the nice humans at Great Wolf Lodge send the house to me, Demon Flash Bandit. I love candy, and we dogs don't worry about germs like the silly humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doing my Part to Avoid Waste)

Elephant Poop Can be Purchased at the Gift Shop

Mommy went to see the movie Megamind yesterday which she liked. I planned to write this blog about how I am actually far more intelligent than that blue space alien. However, since it is a movie, I realize that sometimes you have to stretch reality for entertainment. Then I happened to run across a news item that upset me tremendously. Sure, it is okay when Hollywood doesn't worry about reality, but a zoo in Topeka, Kansas is selling elephant poop in their gift shop and people are paying $10- $25. for it. We dogs know the humans aren't smart, but even I thought they had more sense than to spend money on poop. Don't get me wrong--poop is interesting, but these are the same humans who, if their dog has an accident get all upset and hostile. Why not just let it air out for 10 days and paint it? Then the humans could start their own poop selling gift shop? Instead of an accident, the human would be making money. For those humans who are interested in purchasing your own elephant poop, it is called My Pet Poo. Sure, like most humans have a pet elephant hanging out at their house. Where is the truth in advertising? Why not call it Elephant Poo or Horton Gives a Poo? If Dr. Seuss were alive, it could make an interesting sequel to the Horton Hears a Who book. This proves my point that dogs don't get the respect that we deserve. The only good thing for us dogs is that no political party has chosen us as their mascot. Since we are mostly members of the fur party, it would be a conflict of interest for us to represent another party.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Elephant Poop)

Pizza for Dinner--and it Wasn't Even Thanksgiving!

My humans ordered pizza yesterday, and since it is November, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were wondering if it was Thanksgiving. The traditional Thanksgiving meal around here is pizza. Sure, there was a time when it was a larger meal, but since the family has dwindled in size, and everyone likes pizza, it just seems to make sense to order a couple of pizzas. Mommy says she is thankful she isn't cooking. Anyway, it was confusing for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself, but it was not Thanksgiving so I'm assuming that there will be more pizza on that day. Angel and I like it when Mommy orders pizza since Mommy gives us the ham off her pizza, and ham is delicious! Since it is November, I will be having to give some thought to the things I want Santa Paws to bring me for Christmas. Christmas only comes once a year so a dog does not want to miss the chance to ask for cool things from the Big Guy. He has always been good to this dog, but this dog is a good dog. I have never been on the naughty list--okay maybe the time I got into the craft paint and my nose was orange, but I was so cute that I don't think that counts. I was also just a puppy at the time. I better go and start looking through some dog toy catalogs so I will have some things for which to ask Santa Paws to bring to me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Preparing for Christmas)

Humans Are Ungrateful!

I am so pleased that Mother Nature added a whole hour this weekend for this dog to enjoy. Getting up at noon everyday is hard on a dog! Then I have a diary to write on Dogster.com and this blog. I have to check out my toy store. Yes, this dog is exhausted by the end of the day. It hardly leaves a dog time to chew on a rawhide bone. I did a special favor for Mommy yesterday. She had a package of open hamburger buns and I put a half finished rawhide bone in the bag with the buns. Mommy threw the buns away like having them sitting next to my rawhide bone made them inedible. If you ask me, I think the humans are an ungrateful bunch. That rawhide bone was delicious. I try to share and look what happens with the humans.

Mommy has some antacid in the house, and I was wondering--how do they get the acid from the ants, and isn't it disgusting to use something that came from an ant? If you ask me, they are disgusting little bugs. I suppose it could be worse. It could be fleaacid. That would annoy every dog in the world.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dealing With Ungrateful Humans)

Ghosts are Unreliable

Mommy bought both parts of the fifth season of Ghost Hunters last week because she enjoys the show. Coincidentally, Donna Lacroix, who was the original case manager on the show, and then moved on to Ghost Hunters International recently had some negative things to say about the show. Since the world is waiting to see what Demon Flash Bandit has to say about the situation, I will now give my opinion.

First, I will say that it is an entertaining show, and it is interesting. Since paranormal activity is something that is hard to prove one way or the other, I like seeing it done in a skeptical, scientific fashion. That is how a dog would do it. Of course, it is nice that our senses are superior to that of the humans. I do think the show would benefit from dropping the Roto Rooter talk--they can't stay up all night in another city and still be plumbers during the day--they should just give Roto Rooter some commercials. They have moved on to a better job if you ask this dog.

Donna LaCroix says that some of the show is staged, but she was not privy to that information. First of all, anyone watching it knows it could be staged. Unless you have some proof, you should not bark about it. Besides, if it is staged, and all they come up with are the things they have found so far, it is a pathetic show. I know if I were going to stage something for a television show, I would want it to be more exciting that the evidence they get. She also stated that when they say it is their first investigation, it is untrue. She said that often the places have been investigated in the past by other teams. They aren't lying if it is their FIRST time investigating.

She said she, Brian, and Andy went bankrupt because of the show. I have an easy solution to this problem. She, Brian, and Andy should produce their own ghost show. They can go to various places that aren't "haunted" and make sure there are no ghosts. I only hope that they don't accidentally choose a haunted place and then have to stage out the ghosts materialization. It would be just like a ghost to try to ruin a show trying to prove they don't exist by showing themselves. I would not bother doing a show of that type. Ghosts are notoriously unreliable. We've seen it hundreds of times on television and in movies. The human sees them, and then as soon as they report it to another human, the ghost is gone making the first human look insane. I think that is how ghosts have their fun. It reminds me of television shows like Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed, the horse would never talk to any human but Wilbur. This often made Wilbur look crazy. Mr. Ed enjoyed himself immensely, and I suspect that is exactly what is happening with ghosts. They make the humans look insane and then they laugh and laugh about it. They tell their ghost friends who decide to join in on the fun.

I do admit that if I had a haunted house, I would not call in the Ghost Hunters unless it was strictly for investigative purposes. When they supposedly find a "haunted house", they don't offer much help. They tell the humans to tell the ghost that he or she should leave. If you have a deadbeat ghost mooching free rent at your house, I think you would make him mad if you asked him to leave, and then it could get worse. He might decide that you need to leave since he was there first. Getting them to investigate is one thing, but expecting them to help the situation is another. I think they might even make it worse. I know I would not like it if I were a ghost dog and someone asked me to leave. What if they want me to go to a town with no Burger King restaurant.....like I would ever cooperate in that situation. A dog needs his burger king whether he is a live dog or a ghost dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commentator)

Larry the Ripper Guy

Today I am going to use my skills as a forensic detective to finally solve a mystery that has been waiting more than a century to be solved. Yes, if they had called in a dog when Jack the Ripper killed his first victim, Scotland Yard could have avoided having to deal with more victims. It was a very easy crime to solve, and I'm amazed that the humans weren't able to solve it very quickly. The killer was Larry the Ripper Guy. Yes, for those of you who are wondering, he was Larry the Cable Guy's ancestor. The reason the humans should have been able to solve this case on their own was that I think it was quite obvious that he was the serial killer. He wore a sleeveless shirt under his cape because he was exercising his right to bare arms. Sure, it made no sense at that time and place, but Larry the Ripper Guy wasn't the most logical of humans. He also wore a hat that said, Get R Dead and that was his favorite catchphrase. He used to say it to everyone he met. He hosted a local television show called I Love Killing. He also operated a chain of stores that carried cutlery called Knives R Us. If the police had bothered to check his bank account, they would have found payoff checks from the local mortician. He even paid for billboards that said, "I'm Larry the Riper Guy--Get R Dead". You would think that Scotland Yard would have started looking for a guy named Larry instead of a guy named Jack. He even signed his name to the letters he sent the newspaper, but the editor said it was the newspapers policy not to release names. The newspaper had lost some money in a lawsuit over a name that had been previously released, but they had misspelled.

By the way, Larry The Ripper Guy was actually French, but wanted everyone to think he was British. He also liked to find victims that had lots of moles so he could say after he was done that they were hole-y moleys. At least he was a serial killer with a sense of humor. Another mystery solved by Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Detective Demon Flash Bandit)

Dogs are Watching and Sniffing!

Now that the election is over, a dog won't have his nap disturbed by daily calls from the Republican party. Yes, they called almost everyday for the past week or so. I'm glad I can usually sleep through the phone ringing or I would be one tired dog now. I can only say that once again, I am proud of Burger King. Paul Siegfried, from a Canton, Ohio McDonalds (I'm assuming he is a franchise owner.) passed out a handbill with their paychecks telling his employees that they had better vote Republican or their pay and benefits would suffer. I found this story to be very amusing since McDonalds is not known for its high pay and good benefits. Many McDonalds restaurants pay minimum wage, and you can't legally pay a person less than that. I would like to point out that I did not read any incidents from my favorite restaurant, Burger King, which tried to force employees to vote either way. This is why I love BK so much--great burgers and an ability to abide by the law. I bet the King would order "off with their heads" to any manager who breaks the law. That is what this dog thinks anyway. This is why I have so much respect for BK--they have a perfect Burger Kingdom with tasty burgers that this dog finds delicious!

I personally don't play video games, but am I the only one who thinks the Supreme Court case of Arnold Schwarzennegar vs. the Entertainment for Merchants Association because of the violence in video games that are played by minors is the ultimate in hypocrisy? Isn't this the actor who has starred in many, many violent movies or is the Terminator the story of a happy ending? I do think it is hard to keep minors from playing them anyway since they can't stop what goes on at home or at a friends house. I don't even particularly like games in the first place, but I think there is a serious problem with Arnie and hypocrisy and reality.

I hope the newly elected people realize that this is their chance to pass dog friendly legislation and us dogs are watching. I might add that we have an advantage over the human voters--we have excellent noses and can sniff out injustice to dogs from miles away. To those who have been elected, we are watching and sniffing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Glad Election is Over)

Vote Dog!!!

I hope all the humans in the United States are planning to go and vote--unless you disagree with me, and then you are free to stay home. That was a joke, but on the other paw, I do like that idea. As usual around here, in the local elections (at least in this township), there are no Democrats running. I suppose there might be some Tea Party candidates, but I don't think they will do well because I think they will get so busy at the tea parties that they will forget to vote. You know how wild those tea parties can get. It takes the girls hours to dress their dolls and teddy bears in fancy enough tea party clothing to have the party in the first place. It does not leave a lot of time for voting.

I'm sorry about the lack of a blog yesterday. Mommy went to see the movie, It is Kind of a Funny Story. I suspect she is going out today, and this dog does not approve except that I get Burger King burgers when she goes out. McDonalds actually is selling the McRib sandwich probably for a limited time. Yes, one sandwich that the other fast food places don't carry any kind of substitute for and it is not permanently on the menu. Am I the only one who thinks that is stupid?

It is getting colder here which is delightful weather for a husky. Yes, the humans are already complaining, but they complain about everything--it is too hot, too cold, not enough rain, too much rain. You just can't please the humans! Dogs know what I mean--you go out and dig them a nice spot in the yard, and what do they do? Complain about the digging.....the yard has a hole in it. Duh!!!! If I dig a hole, it is supposed to have a hole there. Isn't that just common sense?

I hope that all of the dogs out there get out and vote for the humans who will pass the important legislation. We need some humans who make it a law that dogs can accompany their humans everywhere. I would like to go into stores myself and pick out my own stuff. Sure, I can go into pet stores, but I would like to go into any store I choose. Remember, vote for the dog friendly candidates. We need more humans sticking up for us dogs! Bacon and Burger King for everyone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Should Rule!)