Larry the Ripper Guy

Today I am going to use my skills as a forensic detective to finally solve a mystery that has been waiting more than a century to be solved. Yes, if they had called in a dog when Jack the Ripper killed his first victim, Scotland Yard could have avoided having to deal with more victims. It was a very easy crime to solve, and I'm amazed that the humans weren't able to solve it very quickly. The killer was Larry the Ripper Guy. Yes, for those of you who are wondering, he was Larry the Cable Guy's ancestor. The reason the humans should have been able to solve this case on their own was that I think it was quite obvious that he was the serial killer. He wore a sleeveless shirt under his cape because he was exercising his right to bare arms. Sure, it made no sense at that time and place, but Larry the Ripper Guy wasn't the most logical of humans. He also wore a hat that said, Get R Dead and that was his favorite catchphrase. He used to say it to everyone he met. He hosted a local television show called I Love Killing. He also operated a chain of stores that carried cutlery called Knives R Us. If the police had bothered to check his bank account, they would have found payoff checks from the local mortician. He even paid for billboards that said, "I'm Larry the Riper Guy--Get R Dead". You would think that Scotland Yard would have started looking for a guy named Larry instead of a guy named Jack. He even signed his name to the letters he sent the newspaper, but the editor said it was the newspapers policy not to release names. The newspaper had lost some money in a lawsuit over a name that had been previously released, but they had misspelled.

By the way, Larry The Ripper Guy was actually French, but wanted everyone to think he was British. He also liked to find victims that had lots of moles so he could say after he was done that they were hole-y moleys. At least he was a serial killer with a sense of humor. Another mystery solved by Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Detective Demon Flash Bandit)